So for a while now I've been thinking. I know that everything that I have done for my four year long transition has helped me become more 'me', but who is that 'me'? Sometimes I wonder if I'm a guy putting on a show, but then again I have horrible dysphoria to the point of suicidal ideation and I have pretty much only ever presented fem ever since coming out. Then I start to wonder about my sexuality, because it swings both ways, bisexuality is weird. I even have a boyfriend now, though I find women more attractive in general, yet I can only really see myself with a man long-term and love my bf to death. Maybe this is all due to intense feelings of shame and disgust about my body and identity, not wanting to be a 'freak, sexpest…etc.' I dress very femininely but don’t always act that way (I think?). Like, I can act confident and energetic and take the lead and it feels masculine. Though I am a total bottom in the bedroom. Maybe I am some sort of masculine woman? Maybe it’s just male socialization rubbing off? I always had that 'girl inside' feeling pre transition, got called gay and now I don’t feel like, feminine enough? idk :( Thank you so so much if you read this
Women come in all sorts of varieties nona. Is there a reason you think you need to act more traditionally feminine?
>>43402809I used to be called feminine and girly and I want to be that way. It’s how I want to see myself and be. But at the same time I don’t want to feel performative, like I am performing a role
