I hate being a gay bottom so fucking much. I was raised by conservative Christians in rural texas so yeah, this is gonna be like, 99% internalized homophobia, but I need to scream into the void.It's fucking humiliating to enjoy sex with a man. All I can think while being fucked is how fucking pathetic I am for enjoying it. I shouldn't want this. I should be normal. I should want the normal things a man wants. I should want to be dominant, and strong, and masculine. But I don't. I used to be muscular, and I fucking hated it so I became a twink.I've tried being a top, fucking hated using my dick, so i quit. I tried being with more fem guys and being a powerbottom. None of it compared to being bent over by a bear, put in a headlock, and fucking demolished. I've never felt safer, or more at peace then when being held in the embrace of a strong man. I wish I was a normal straight guy, or failing that, at least a gay top. Being a bottom is the fucking worst, because it doesn't just make you weak, it makes you crave weakness. In every other aspect of my day to day life, I fucking loathe being seen as weak, or pathetic, or unmanly to the very core of my being.But when I'm alone with a guy, all I can think about is him overpowering me and fucking me senseless as I beg for a mercy that will not come. Whenever I have sex, I can fucking feel all my ingrained values and self perceptions crumble to dust as my lizard brain just curb stomps it and replaces all higher thought with a white board that just says "cock" on it. God I wish conversion therapy worked.
>>43406104being gay is a sinsex is a sinyou should suppress all sexual feelings and court a woman and be obedient to her until you die
>>43406104you can be straight if you become a woman
>>43406145I want to hang on to the last remaining shreds of masculinity I've got left. I'll only take estrogen if twink death comes for me.
>>43406209You have a female brain so stop delaying your trannification. You'll just be uglier and more masculinized the more you wait.
>>43406263pinkpillerhssssssssssssssssss
>>43406104it sounds like you like it quite a lot, your shame comes from feeling good during sex which is hilarious, but you enjoy it, and pursue it, so why are you upset?
>>43406104Well anon. I do have a solution. the bad news it that it might be too extreme. The good news is that if it works, you wouldnt hate your nature anymore, if at all. it just depends on how well it would work on u.
>>43406145>>43406332Kys
Im a tranny and im similarly embarassed about the whole liking men thing. I feel very at peace when im with a man but also feel icky about it. I wish i had a vagina or i was just a straight guy too. I used to date women and ive even had sex with a girl but it just felt like i was playing.
>>43406104Sex is great but have you ever been held from behind? He's strong, so you really can't get away. But he doesn't want to hurt you. He could hurt you, but he doesn't want to. You're trapped in his arms. Because you're his.You're not just in this for the sex.
>>43406374those feelings ususally occur because things remind you of your past. if ur with a truly masculine, dominant, assertive male who treats you like the good girl you are, you wouldnt have such feelings.
>>43406393The fact that that mental image made me unreasonably giddy is proof that I'm right and submissiveness is a fuckin spiritual disease.
>>43406416I am too ugly to get a bf :( i lost my last one and gained 80 pounds. Im trying to get skinny again tho
>>43406303Because I shouldn't enjoy it. It's pathetic and humiliating and it's not how a man should behave.
>>43406449Love is a spiritual disease?
>>43406582Feels like it. Everything I want in life makes me feel shameful for wanting it.
>>43406626It's not you. It's your memory of other people criticizing you. You're trying to agree with them so they'll stop hurting you with their judgement. But they're just wrong.
>>43406758Probably right. But my fuckass brain doesn't seem to care about logic when it comes to hitting me with the shame stick.
>>43406209But why hang on to it? You already hate yourself, that’s not gonna get better. Maybe transitioning will give you a chance to grow a new, feminine type of pride. I agree with the other anon, you have a female brain.
>>43406104That’s the spirit!
>>43406514“How a man should behave?”As dictated by who?Old men who wrote scriptures in caves and mud huts 2000 years ago?Contemporary chud culture?Brawny Paper Towel Ads?You need to emancipate yourself from all these retarded notions of “what makes a man”. They’re all fleeting and stupid- and you will feel much MUCH worse down the line when you’re older if you capitulate to any of them now.I had a roommate once who was into WWE wrestling and had a big metal toolbox of silicone butt toys. For himself. Nothing was telling him who to be and he was mentally free.Maybe it sounds easier said than done because of where you are. Fundamentalist Texas is a minor domain of hell.But you’re actually more in touch with yourself than most of the “men” you think you should be like. Don’t fall for any if it buddy. You’re doing alright.
>>43406104you could just be cute and frot why did you have to give up your hole?
>>43406104I'd worry more about being a whore. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. All I'm saying.
>>43406145gay bottoms are being GROOMED
>>43406137>being gay is a sin>sex is a sinif you're going to come at this from a christian angle, you forgot the most important 3rd part of that equation>christ forgives all sinsidk what happened to turn christianity into this bigoted deathcult but all jesus ever preached was love and forgiveness, and anything else is a perverse corruption of bad translations or willful misinterpretation for nefarious ends
>>43409577transgenderism is a reaction to homophobiatrannies believe cross sex hormones cure homosexualityhow they ended up being proclaimed as allies to gays is pure psyoptrannies are 100% the enemies of any gay person, they want to erase us and chop off our balls
>>43406104> I shouldn't want this. I should be normal. I should want the normal things a man wants. I should want to be dominant, and strong, and masculine. But I don't.nah, this is false. life is short and you like what you like, live your life the way you feel you want to, not the way that you feel """the world""" wants you to be. a lot of that is just propoganda and indoctrination. if you find someone who makes you happy, be good to them, enjoy your time together. as long as you are living a good life, not abusing others, being kind or charitable when you can, the world can ask no more of you. all of these doubts are just the result of aging cultural stigmas from older eras full of hatred and isolation. you may never fully shed the feeling of the stigmas you were raised with, but you dont need to let them control you.if you are met with disdain from your broader community (such as fundamentalist family members as so many are) that says more about them and their own character faults than it does about you. if they cant find room in their hearts for love when you are true to yourself, then that is their moral failing, not yours.
>>43409583you are too online. this is some terminal brainrot
>>43409583I took hormones so I could be gay what about that, 1/3rd of tgirls are lesbians
>>4340969895% of men identify as straight (only attracted to women)that only 33% of men who pretend to be women are similarly only attracted to women implies men pretending to be women being attracted to men is proportionally far more common than in men who do not pretend to be women in addition, t4t trans women are just turbo autistic gay men
>>43409707>t4t trans women are just turbo autistic gay menthats not true
>>43409720explain why notthey have a magical female essence stored in their ????
>>43409800well we have girl bodies and stuff
>>43409810>we have girl bodiesare pigs a type of bird?
>>43406104You should let go of trying to meet the expectations of others at the expense of your own well being.
>>43406104I'm 6'3 and a bear and this OP got me ready to call up some college age twink and decimate them
>>43409826all the twinks have become women nowno more twinks for you
>>43409833the age of the twink has come to an end, the bear must starve and wither away. A reminder of a kinder past.
>>43409816Well in this example the pigs can fly
>>43409833this board likes to say this but in reality its not even remotely true
>>43410595i wish it were
Not only you are pathetic Op you are unpractical af what propouse does it serve to get cummed by a man you produce nothing, that shit is clearly not your role in the animal kingdom yet you seek it like a moron maybe because you cannot handle yourself out there alone as a man surviving. Many can but you get neurotic like a coward faggot when in reality there is not much to it its simple af to make it. Men dont need you and you dont need men retard because men are self reliant
>>43410609based
>>43409471Sience when this hasnt been the case.
>>43410622>propouseporpoise*
>>43410652Who gives a fuck about grammar you understood what i meant
>>43410654
>>43406104You gotta be okay with being weaker in day to day life. It's the repression of that urge, that leads to the crave to do the most intense thing to satisfy that urge. Stop repressing yourself. You are a spring, and all that repression makes for tension that needs a violent release. Be a weaker man.
>>43410666But that's the thing: outside of my sexuality, I'm not weak. I'm capable at my job, I'm confident, I have a decent amount of money, I have a solid amount of savings, and I've built myself a nice life. It's just this one fucking area where I'm weak. this one flaw. And yet this one flaw somehow defines me as a person. The minute people find out I'm a bottom, it's like I stop being a man to them. No, I don't care about fashion, or fucking RuPaul's Drag Race, or heated rivalry or any of that other shit. I am a normal, regular ass motherfucker everywhere but in my relationships. Me having a fat ass and liking strong dominant men shouldn't erase my status as a man. I swear to God, I could walk around with a gun in my hand, and people would still be like, "Yass! Slay, queen!"
>>43410770Why the insecurity if all of those other things are so good?
>>43410666666 trvthnvke
>>43410770This is you not allowing yourself to be weak, BTW.
>>43406104All of that is normal if you're gay. Unfortunately some amount of straight people will always be ignorant or hate you, but you don't have to put that on yourself and they will hate you wether they realize it or not.Resisting your own nature requires energy and had almost no pay off, so you end up robbing yourself of opportunities and happiness, it's ok to be a little more self interested.Don't RP your whole life for the sake of some others mood...
>>43410780internalized homophobia is what my therapist says. But knowing why I feel the way I do doesn't undo it. I'd love to just stop being ashamed, but I can't. my brain is too cooked from being raised by psychos that believe in shit like chastity pledges and purity balls and all that weird shit. even after ive been away from them for years, their stupid ass beliefs linger in my brain.
>>43406104Have you considered transition? If you can pass, you can get a straight man
it's okay to be gay anon
>>43411125tell that to my fuckass brain
>>43411013>I can'tStop saying that. Faking it is making it.
