> 31 trans 5 years> 11 failed suicide attempts> just tried 12> (car)bon monoxide> read that you cant feel the breathlessness and panic of asphyxiation > spend nights figuring the perfect way to connect a grey water hose to a downspout to a pvc connector inside a pvc connector with bluetak with stainless steel hose clamps> practice can get in on in 30 seconds with a snug fit> excitement, happiness, my day will finally come > wait for the perfect night to do it in a public car park at the beach> day finally comes, park at the beach late at night, no one's around> hearts pounding, excited, worried about being sectioned> attach hose to downspout, through the backwindow onto the muffler, fits like a glove perfect seal, cut hose to length, weigh it down with knife w knife clip> suicide note> 2:53 music on, engine on > adjust seat, lie down, hold my hands over my chest so whoever finds my body hopefully sees it as peaceful, hopefully dulling ithe trauma > hearts still pounding, not slowing down> self talk, listen to music> starts getting hard to breath without feeling suffocation > roughly 3:15 can no longer breathe through my nose, have to mouth breath (I'll look dumb dead and slackjawed) starting to feel slight numbness in limbs> 3:25 limbs feeling more numbness more lightheaded heavier breathing despite no suffocation feeling> 3:30 starting to feel intense panic like passing out while being unconscious consensually, self talk, light-headedness is increased limbs feeling really numb, can barely feel body> next five or so minutes, inescapable panic like suffocation but prolonged, self talk, nearly there, so close, please. Lose light-headedness, panic panic panic, needtobreatheneedtobreatheneedtobreathe, soclosesoclosesoclose, just passoutjustpassoutjustpassout,PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE INEEDTHIS> cant handle it, pull cardboard handle> breathe ¿n¿> anotherfailure> clean up evidence> why cant I just get this right and die> tfw no pills no guns
>>43413545get u hands on some sn/pb
Ngl too dumb to know what that is
>>43413545Would it give you purpose to be a chaser's onahole?
>>43413643Kill me and own body and the holes
>>43413545This made me sad but also made me realize i can just rope if i don’t pass
>>43413628sodium nitrite or pentobarbital. also if u dont mind me asking what methods did u try on ur previous attempts
>>43413718You can kill yourself even if you pass Passing is skin deep
>>43413806Is that iu
>>43413767Rat poisoning, chloroform x2, LPG x5 pills x2 forget the last oneHow to cop sn/Pb?
>>43413839You'll never know
>>43413848not the person you're replying to but back when i used to obbsessed with tryna off myself i found a list of all the sodium nitrite vendors on a nih dot gov site, that should probably lead you in the right direction. Theres also an entire forum called sanctioned suicide for this type of stuff
>>43413848what 890 said. good luck nona!
>>43413890Thank you fingers for #13
Crossed fingers emoji*
wish you a happy life instead of sui, op
>>43413806True
Ooo that next day hits like an alcoholic father
