i missed my chance at 13 because i was too scared to start hrt and i never realized that my life would be so different because of that
i hate coming on here and getting filled with envy and thinking about how there are people whos lives actually got better after transitioning
i hate how miserable my life is and how all the bad things that happened to me were out of my control but something good like transitioning wasnt forced upon me out of my control (without possibly losing my freedom or causing problems because i was dumb and messed with spiritual things wanting help to transition)

>>43419271
yeah, same. I didn't even have any trans thoughts or desire to transition prior to finding out about it

>>43419838
for me i just hated having facial hair cause i didnt know that plucking can almost completely get rid of the five o clock shadow. the closest i got to anything resembling "transition" naturally without external influence was just one day getting particularly upset that i wasnt a feminine looking boy so i finally stopped hiding behind facial hair and started plucking instead, which i did learn from this board.
i also have been on estrogen and i notice the feeling is different than when im off it. i even drank spearmint yesterday and noticed my vision was even more clear like when i was on estrogen and the tea feminized my face really quickly, i noticed my chin shrink that day. but i have reason to believe that i might be hormonally intersex so that could just be specific to me.
emotionally speaking, testosterone feels "dry". it feels like being in the car with no ac on a really hot humid summer day and you just got off work and havent drank enough or ate yet and are super dehydrated. being on estrogen just made me feel normal but it made the way my mental illness symptoms like depression manifest differently, on estrogen i basically became a bedrotter.

i don't even know if I'm really trans. I've always been more sexually excited by men but also find women more pleasant to look at if that makes sense. like i like looking at and seeing pretty girls.
i honestly was satisfied with my appearance the most with bushy fluffy bangs and less masculinization + more feminization of my face. i don't really "need" any more than that.
my mood plummeted recently cause my hair got messed up when i was trying to fix it and i had to cut it all off. now my personality is different too and back to like "soundcloud rap listening eboy" and i cant bring myself to say or think fembrained shit anymore.
i think im just a bi femboy. though the fem part is gone now unfortunately cause of my hair.

>>43419271
same