European disgusting tranner. I really am just scraping the bottom of the barrel here for any possible advice on why i shouldn't kill myself whenever i finally get the courage to do something meaningful for myself.I'm broke, don't have a job, and hopefully maybe (probably not) will graduate compsci bachelors this year, but the job market for anything software is terrible right now to the point i doubt ill get any job other than stocking supermarket shelves or serving people at mcdonalds. No offense to those who do that, but i would not be content with it. Ive volunteered at an elderly home before, my only work experience, and it was one of the most miserable and soul crushing experience ive had the displeasure of having. I still have trauma from witnessing the abuse and circumstances of everyone involved.I have no friends, i doomscroll twitter and the one or two discord servers that tolerate me, and my family hates me. They don't know that i'm a gross tranny though. I hope.Since i was little i dreamt of being a professional videogame developer, and even though ive technically published a game, it was just some shitty 1 month project to show in highschool. Nowadays i cant even get out of bed before 2 pm or go to sleep before 1 am, much less actually work on my personal projects or actually take care of myself.Im on anti androgens but thats it. I tried getting hrt thru the NHS, but it was a humiliation ritual and they didnt give me the follow up appointment they promised to. Ordering diy from south america is my only hope now, but i dont have the cash, and if im found im probably gonna get kicked out and lay out on the roadside until i eventually die.Even if i did get it, id probably just end up looking like the most horrid abomination to ever walk this earth.The day i wanted to kill myself the most is always tomorrow.What do i even do at this point? The only reason why i don't act on my thoughts is that im too much of a pussy.Can i actually save myself
>>43432897honestly youre in alot better position than others, you have so much potential and it would suck if u couldnt reach it however many years from now if u roped
>>43432897You just have to have a starting point. Think of something simple that you could do to push you in a direction you wanna go. Even if it's tiny. And not to be one of those people, but having a degree at all will open up some oppurtunities, at least. Something better than mcdonalds. I do get where you're coming from. For me it's just that I'm too stubborn to kill myself. There's things I wanna do, so I force myself to keep moving until that's done. Even if I'm too depressed to make progress
Is there anyway for you to seek help to those things? All you can do is try your best
is that dr oetker pizza op hope you find some solace desu
>>43436156It's premade pizza from pingo doce. Around 4.5 eur with the b lemonade. Sometimes i decide to reward myself with it but really more like an excuse meal or for when i cant find the strength to go outside
>>43437151it looks kinda good desu have a nice meal
>>43432897im also like you except im doing IT so more hardware except i hate it and ill probably never get a job in it anyway. just blind shots in the dark, i take my meds and have no friends my life is fucked.
>>43432897> Im on anti androgens but thats it.of course you'll feel like shit on that, low T and no E, are they trying to kill you with a HRT like that? please consider ordering DIY immediatelyalso why the south america if you're in EU, aren't there DIY shipping directly from European countries?
