how do i cope with the guilt/shame/regret of all the idiotic perverted shit i did as a guy. it makes me sick to my stomach everytime i think about it which just makes me dissociate and fritter away my time with bullshit even more. i feel like it disqualifies me from womanhood
>>43449826what did you do?
>>43449832pressured my cousin into pulling her pants down when we were kids, groped a girl in school and tried looking up the skirts of many others, made my first gf send me nudes and never reciprocated despite saying i would, bothered numerous women online with anonymous tumblr asks and shit
>>43449873you like guys now?
>>43449873>pressured my cousin into pulling her pants down when we were kidsBrooo I remember this thread
>>43449895nope
>>43449826Standard transbian behavior
>>43449873Oh lol you were a legit sex pest and harasser. I figured you just felt bad for looking at porn and having “impure thoughts”. I don’t know what you need to do to feel better about yourself at this point, you genuinely were a creep
>>43449938is it about forgiving myself or making amends with the women i was creepy towards? neither seem like theyre ever actually gonna happen fwiw
>>43450096desu find a hard time with you believing you actually care about what you did as the trauma and lasting memories you gave those women so you didn't even attempt to apologize first before coming here to get pitty pats.
>>43450122i mean, would you forgive me?
>>43450096>>43450122Real trauma knowers understand that nobody wants to be reminded of past male harassment much less a shoddy apology by the male who perpetrated it. Leave them alone anon, you can't fix it now
>>43449826well, you can't become a woman, so in your transwomanhood, it's expected that you have rapey memories
>>43450096I’m not sure. My gf was raped and sexually assaulted multiple times during and after college. I think for the most part she would prefer to never see any of her abusers again, whether they feel contrite or not.There was one guy she hooked up with a couple times who was pushy about sex stuff. He later apologized for that and they became friends. I remember her saying she appreciated his apology, but that was over some relatively minor gray area stuff. I’m guessing she’d have a panic attack if any of the guys who did more serious stuff approached her and attempted to apologize.Oh one of the rapists was a bf who later transitioned.
>>43450166it's not about forgiveness it's closure for them. you doing it for yourself only means you're no different just cause you transition. i would say for your cousin forcing an incestous sexual haressment on her deserve an apology even now but you won't give it so rest easy that scum like you didn't get arrested until now.>>43450168true but the cousin that has to see you at family event or here her mention in passing should be apologized to then the others who are effectively strangers now.
>>43449826i had my fair share of embarrassing stuff i did back then.my advice is: you can't undo all that shit, even if you try to conciliate with the people you harassed, it's not certain that they will forgive because it's no their obligation, and you shouldn't seek them either, that would be more harassment.so, what you can do is: just learn to live with it, as much difficult as it is. being a creep is not necessarily a men's only thing (even tho 90% of the creeps are man lol), so the fact that you did a bunch of gross stuff in the PAST don't make you any less of a woman TODAY. the most important is that you're aware of all the fucked up shit you did, acknowledging your wrongs is pretty much the best you can do, then just live your life being a good person. it's really not that hard desu
>>43449873Wow a real life rapehonYou shouldn't be able to cope. I hope you feel guilt and shame for the rest of your life.
>>43450166Absolutely not.
>>43450250She’s specifically told me that she doesn’t think of the ex who transitioned as female. She’s queer herself and generally very respectful of people’s pronouns, but she’s unwilling to see this person as anything but a man. I’m guessing the women you harassed probably won’t have much patience or sympathy for you either.
>>43449826Same way the females who sexually harassed me when I was a child cope: by not even thinking about it.
it does disqualify you from womanhood and you should not have the option to cope. all of those women will always remember you as the creepy fucking male you are. you specifically will never be a woman
>>43450509what good is thinking about it? theres nothing to be done, it happened, both our lives are negatively effected but obviously hers far more than mine. what am i supposed to do?
>>43449873least predatory transbian
>>43449826You're not at fault for the things you did as a kid, society should've taught you better
>>43449873sounds like a completely standard transbian to me. there's an entire community of sex pests waiting to open you with open arms and add you to their polycule.
>>43449826>>43449873Don't worry, you're just as much of a woman as every other transbian :)
>>43450539>what am i supposed to do?Deal with the consequences of your actions. You don't get a free pass just because you chemically castrated yourself think you're a woman now. You are a sexual predator. Never forget that.
>>43449826>>43449873wtf at first i thought the op post was relatable was not expecting that. how did you even change? hrt? therapy?
>>43450624"deal with the consequences" "take responsibility" "take accountability" everyone always says this shit and i genuinely have no idea what it really means. What the fuck do you want me to do. Give me an action to perform
>>43449826Realize that plenty of women do stupid perverted shit too.
>>43450655Don’t abuse people in the future
>>43450655Transition and experience men doing those things to you
>>43450655"Oopsie now I feel bad that I'm a predator, FORGIVE ME SO I FEEL BETTER"This is entitlement.You don't get forgiveness. You don't get to make it better. You get to live with it. Make it so the shame and guilt prevent you from hurting someone ever again.
>>43450678no physical intimidation = no abuse
>>43450655Don't repeat your mistakes, and try to do more good than harm in the future. That's all you can really do. Trying to "make amends" is likely to come off as self-serving unless any of these women ask you to.Transitioning is a medical intervention, not a reward for moral purity.
>>43449873Well i humped my cousin for very mamy nights because I had to share my bedDidnt know it was wildly inappropriate I just wanted to feel my Weiner in her butt because I have 99 problems and an oversensitive nervous system
>>43450655>Give me an action to performsuicide
>>43451234Let me guess, transbian?
>>43449826ur a fat disabled moid faggot and u always beno matter how hard u cope its legit sad and i hope u get ran over by a moid faggy waggy bus like the retarddd u are x3 >>43449873ur apiece of shit rapist and i hope u get what u deserve
>>43449826lol
>>43449873I feel shame bc I watched porn and wore my moms dresses then I remember there are trannies like u
>>43451309No I'm a spergy sraight I just like humping people randomly and putting my knees outside their legs to better cup them in my inner thighs. annoying anuses: boners in bums!!
>>43451032gonna agree with anon on this one
>>43449873How old were you when each of these happened?
>>434515468 or 9 with my cousin (who was the same age), 12 with the girl whos butt i touched, 15 with my gf, late teens with tumblr asks. mid 20s now
>>43450733Women are effectively invincible to men. You can't hit them back without going to jail. They're more physically intimidating than other men for that reason.
>>43451571nigga please
kys op
>>43449873It's as if everything I've ever said about transbians has come true. You need to be behind bars. Also that is so fucking sickening. I had literally the opposite experience in life having people sexually harass me when I was young because I was so effeminate which led to me not even being able to have my first kiss until I was 26
>>43449873ey bb post some noods
>>43450678this, often worse as they're not punished>>43450733>woman = victim>moid = rapistftfy
>>43452202correct
>>43451897i still havent had my first kiss at 28
>>43450096What is your motivation for apologising? Do you think it will help the people you harassed find closure? That depends on a lot of factors, an apology from the perpetrator may be helpful if they see you genuinely are sorry for the suffering you have caused. That means no excuses, no explanation why you did it (unless asked for) and no asking for forgiveness. Just owning up that you've behaved like a horrible person and are sorry for the harm you have caused. Forgiveness from them is something you might get if you're lucky, but they don't owe you it, either. You can learn to forgive yourself if you understand the circumstances that lead you to your actions, but a certain amount of guilt and shame will stay with you. That's not a bad thing if you let it serve a purpose. That can be helping victims of the same type of harassment you perpetrated, or teaching others why doing the things you did is bad. But you do need to reframe it from "I was a horrible person" to "I did horrible things". Decent people do shitty things all the time, and to a degree we're all victims of our circumstances, especially as we're growing up. I objectified women heavily as a teen, because that's what people did in the environment I grew up in. I'm an adult now and know better. The shame and guilt made me think about why I did what I did, why certain habits formed and so on. It was learned behaviour, not something inherent to me. The course of action is to unlearn that behaviour and make sure I don't pass it on to future generations. My participation in this horrible cultural phenomenon ends here, and with it one of the vectors it needs to continue its legacy.
>>43451562>>43449873i'll be honest if you're looking for a serious answer. what you did is still awful so don't expect a ton of sympathy from me, but you being 9 and 12 years old for the worst two things on the list does matter a lot. i don't think it's fair to write someone off as forever irredeemable for something they did at that young of an age, you were a kid. it's also still fucked up and probably affected those women quite a bit.oh and women aren't incapable of perverted/creepy shit, there are lots of cis women who prey on underage boys and try to use their positions of power to do awful shit if they think they can get away with it. so yeah you are still a woman.you can't go back and change the past, so as other commenters have said, all you can do now is feel the guilt and regret and work to never repeat your mistakes, striving to be a better person in the future.
>>43449826Sentence u to idk 18 gangbangs
>>43452352>tfw no piss jacket to take sippies fromits not fair bros
>>43451562I feel like it being so young changes the situation pretty heavily. The one with your cousin you were just as young as she was, child on child sexual assault is a lot more nuanced. Groping your classmates at 12 is pretty fucked and up you were definitely old enough to know better, but not old enough to where I think you need to be damned for life. Understand why you did it and that it was wrong, and use that understanding to ensure you won't do it again. Can you elaborate more on the girlfriend situation? How much pressure did you put on her? Was the main thing you feel bad for the lack of reciprocation? If she was open to sending nudes and the worst thing you did was not sending them back I guess that's kind of assholish but not sex crime level. If you were actively coercing her that isn't great.Sending harassing asks on tumblr is bad but nothing you need to hold on to forever.With all of this stuff holding on to the shame for the rest of your life won't do anything. You were a literal child for the first one. There is some extent to which continued self hatred is worse for the world than you forgiving yourself. I don't think you should forget what happened, but I don't think you need to deprive yourself of a meaningful life because of it.
>>43452352Children experiment with sex in tons of ways that would induce most grown adult to convene in a second, but more effective, nuremburg. Lots of them are so completely ignorant of and anxious about sex that they'd be lucky to be able to get things working their first time, but doing heinous and weird shit as a child isn't some new thing that's never happened before. Kids are fucked up, they're weird and have none of the barriers adults learn to unbelievably cruel acts against one another. Some boys pick up on that weirdly vague and rapey way their role models talk, or even behave, and they follow through on that rhetoric a lot more often than people would like to think. Women take their own bastardized lessons from our fucked up culture, chiefly the whole "Rape is only against women" thing.OP, obsessing over the acts and trying to comfort one's self on the victims of those acts in order to "make up" for the discomfort they felt isn't helpful. You've learned how you'll act when you're ignorant, use that as a guide and don't do that weird shit anymore. unless someone asks really nicely, I guess. You can't un-take those actions, or fix the outcome in your favor, so follow your victims example and just move on after accepting how shitty that was.
>>43452352this pretty much sums it up. >>43449826you were a child but so were they. I’ve been raped by a cis woman before, predatory behavior isn’t a male only activity, even if yours was especially male brained it doesn’t disqualify you from womanhood.but no one’s gonna forgive you, and it’s past the point where forgiveness can be given. if you want to help alleviate your guilt try some community service. when I was a kid I volunteered at soup kitchens and hospice homes, it’s fulfilling work and might help you feel better about yourself to help people. maybe try finding something along those lines that appeals to you.just nothing to do with sexual assault victims. not trying to rub salt in the wound but I can’t recommend community service as a therapeutic exercise without clearly stating that this is not an opportunity to be forgiven by random sa victims as a stand in for the women you hurt.but I think if you purposefully try and become a small force of good in the world you’ll find that the guilt sting less.
>>43449826>>43449873There isn't much you can do like other anons said, some trashy apology won't fix anything. I kind of relate since I've done some perverted shit too when I was younger, for me it was touching a girls butt a few times I was 13/14 at the time, and groping another one when playing 11/12, I also did lots of peeping when I was 16 or something. I felt horrible about all of these when I got older, went through weird phases where I would whip myself and self harm over a smallest hint of lust or when I reminded myself about those things I've done. I try to cope by telling myself I got fucked over by life or something like that, a pedo got me and the other kids form my neighbourhood into porn and they would test their new found knowledge on me since I was the weak idiot that got bullied all the time. In the end it doesn't matter how much you cope or how you try to make amends we're forever marked by our perverted pasts, these things won't leave us. Nowadays I just live as a hermit, I stay away from women and when we interact I try to keep things cordial and short so they don't have to be around me for too long.
>>43450655Jump off a bridge
>>43452405i didnt really put any pressure on her, at least any more than that kind of relationship has built into it from the jump. mostly i just feel like a pervert because i tended to center a lot of things around sex with us
>>43449873Least rapehon mtt
>>43452518This
>>43449826I also have done some pretty gross and perverted things to women when I was 14-16. I don't really have a cope and it's something that really messes with me till this day. if I think about it usually stops me in my tracks and I freeze up because I'm so disgusted and horrified with the things I've done. being on t blockers helped kill my sex drive which made the problem better and getting older and becoming more emotionally aware of how my actions effect others also helped me stop and I really only go for guys anymore these days. now I'm kinda just stuck with the memories of what I've done.
>>43449938dude get cancer you're the reason people kill themselves
>>43452202>often worsecan we pls be real
>>43449826>>43449873Why don't you just embrace being a deranged pervert? I'm a proud deranged pervert myself.
>>43450464>man = male rapist strikes again desu, funny that she believes women are such innocent angels that shed rather just say anyone who rapes is a man, classic misandry
>>43453521lol huh? Woman gets raped and doesn’t extend grace to the rapist = misandry? I dunno dude, I think you’ve just got an axe to grind
>>43450655be a better person so you can be proud of the positive impact you have on others and look back at the dark past as a dark past that you can use to empathize with others who need to be pulled out. you can identify and help others who need to be pulled out of dark patches too, or notice them and help them before they fall through the cracks.
>>43449873idk wtf everyone elses problem is, i genuinely think everything you just described is normal kid/teenager behaviour. happened all the time at my school.
>>43454336>graduated summa cum laude from Xavier’s School for Gifted Rapehons
>>43453489>>43454336This, OP.Just ignore the other advices.
>>43449873All of these women would have experienced many things that are much worse from men who feel either no remorse and never gave it a second thought or are proud of what they did and get off to it
>>43449873Just stop allowing women to set the terms for what is and isn't normal for men. What you describe is literally normal male behavior. Feminists and troons will bitch and whine about it but since feminists and troons aren't important to society except as a drain and destroyers of the public good, nobody should care what they think.
Op, you’re getting a lot of sympathy from the Men’s Rights brigade here. Hope that’s helpful
>>43454453>>43454607this lamelo
>>43452911Ok it sounds like you didn't do anything properly wrong with that one. You were 15, 15 year olds are known for being pretty sexual I don't think you need to feel ashamed about that.With your cousin, how heavily did you pressure her? Have you talked to her at all since? Do you know how much it's affected her? I ask because with how much worse you made the girlfriend one seem I'm curious how bad it was in reality. Either way you were an 8 year old so I don't think you can be properly blamed for it anyway, but I'm curious.Also do you know if you were molested or anything as child? If a kid did what you did at 8 or 12 I would probably assume there was something fucked up going on in their home life
>>43449826>i feel like it disqualifies me from womanhoodWhy? Is is the word "woman" defined by not being a rapist? If so, you fell for for the feminazi grift.
>>43450707>"Oopsie now I feel bad that I'm a predator, FORGIVE ME SO I FEEL BETTER" >This is entitlement. >>You don't get forgiveness. You don't get to make it better. You get to live with it. Make it so the shame and guilt prevent you from hurting someone ever again.Nta, but this is such a goofy meme. I've seen people say this, and as an autistic person, it makes no sense.>You don't get to be a redeemed villain. No. Making anything positive out of what happened would harm my worldview of you, so I need you to continue being guilty, so I can continually use my victimhood to have power over you for years to come.And, it's like, okay. You can ask for that, but you just contradicted yourself. OP's question was: what do I do?You're answer was: you don't deserve to do anything, but anyway here's what you've got to do to fix this: live the rest of your life feeling guilty. And I'm thinking, autistic person that I am, you could have just started with that, and it's not realistic as a way to atone or a punishment.It's like: "you don't have to go to prison or pay money or do anything. You just have to do nothing about it. Your punishment for your crime is that there's no punishment. You just have to live with yourself and cope with it however you want.It's such a fembrained thing to say. It's like "nooo, you can't help me because I'm pissed at you." And then if you stop trying to help, it's like "noo! Now how will I get to reject you to make you feel bad!" What you're supposed to do to fix it, and foids don't say thid because it defeats the whole point if you're doing it to fix it, is you're supposed to keep trying to fix it and keep getting rejected. The way to fix it is to try to fix it without that just being your way of fixing it. It's very reasonable. Makes perfect sense. Just let him off schrodinger's hook. In actuality, I think women are just being lazy. Find a guy, and he'll give you 30 years labor to atone for your sins and fuck up your life fr.
>>43449873KEKlet me guessleftistfeministtransbian?
>>43454987>woman>not sex pestconsidering news about female teachers banging (often underage) students are so frequent that it's no longer newsworthy, I love women's hypocrisy here
>>43449873Just accept you're a degenerate bro
The chuds are circling their wagons around you Op. Looks like they think they're protecting one of their own. That's awfully decent of them, but you probably can't be a woman if you think they're right
>>43453784it just shows that she doesnt really believe that women can rapei mean seriously like if a black person rapes you sure you can "justify" calling him a nigger whenever you talk about him but it lowkey means you're racist
>>43455493People like you are why the tranny chud alliance is inevitable, and your whole leftist shit's gonna get flushed with the rightoids. You are literally fixing transphobia for incels. You do not know what havoc you have wrought. The autism will crush everyone under an unfathomable weight.
>>43449873Fucking creep. I hate when people like you transition because you literally make all of us look like weirdos. How much porn did you watch before you realized you were totally dysphoric?
>>43454958with my cousin it was more of a lost bet scenario, its just that the bet was rigged in my favor so that she would have to do this. the pressuring being that kind of little kid "cmooon you gotta" looking back its possible she was just nervous and embarrassed which is perfectly normal given the circumstances, but in my mind she seemed genuinely distressed and didnt want to do it but in the end did very quickly to get it over with. as soon as she did it i realized it was a mistake but i didnt know what to do to make it better so we just sort of went on with our day after that. we've never talked about it since, i havent seen her in years and the last time i saw her i stayed far awayi've had a sneaking suspicion for years now that my older brother or possibly my dad molested as a kid but i dont really believe in repressed memories so i think i'd remember pretty clearly if he really did
>>43449826>>43449873haha welcome to the club. just dissociate and block out the memory, eventually you will forget. dont try to reconcile, you need to stop living in the past and start living in the present. do the women in your life feel comfortable and do you obey boundaries now? thats what matters.
>>43449826ywnbaw
>>43459106This is much more benign than you made it seem at first. You didn't realize the way it would affect her, and immediately regretted it. Look, it sounds like you've made some mistakes in your life but the stuff I'm seeing here is not nearly as bad as your first summary made it out to be. Your not a horrific predator, you've done some bad things and need to learn from them and truly understand and be humble with yourself so you won't do them again. You aren't beyond forgiveness.Also whether or not you believe in repressed memories, they are absolutely a real phenomenon. Obviously I can't say if it happened to you or not, but I think you should be open to the possibility it might have.Is therapy possible for you? I know that's a really generic thing to suggest but guilt and trauma are absolutely things a therapist could help you work through.
>>43449873meh did similarall u can do is forget and move on
>>43459106It's over anon, you gave your cousin an exhibitionist fetish and she's stuck with it for the rest of her life
>>43449873if its any consolation, the majority of posters here are incelic chuds who werent chad enough to do pervy stuff like that and had to offset their libido into their agp impulses which caused them to troon out. what you described is relatively typical for a man, and if you are on estrogen its best just to view yourself as a different person than that guy because you are now.
>>43450250>My gf was raped and sexually assaulted multiple timesThat wasn't rape. She 100% wanted it, but also wanted to pretend she didn't.
>>43449826What you do is not do it anymore, not derive pleasure from it anymore, and feel good that you have the ability to choose to do what you feel is right despite the pleasure you know you could derive from it.
>>43459794This. You fucked up, but not as badly as your initial summary made it sound. It’s appropriate that you regret your actions, but I don’t think you’re at all irredeemable. Just do better now that you know better. Some volunteer work like others suggested might make you feel better, and it would at least channel your sense of guilt into something productive.
>>43456886good
