Everytime i come here it just makes me infinitely more miserable but I have nowhere else online to go. Every other thread here is some stupid ragebait question or some fetish coomer shit and it just pisses me off everytime. Seeing the way other queers on here act has made me genuinely despise gays and trannies, and thus making me hate myself even more for being a faggot by proxy.Yet this place is my only avenue for social interaction so im forced to stay here. I feel like a caged hamster thats going feral in its tiny enclosure. I cant keep going on like this.
>>43452824>made me genuinely despise gays and tranniesnah you were just waiting for the excuse to act that way for some shallow sense of catharsis.that does suck and all anon but don't pretend this site draws out some essential characteristic of the fags and furs or whatever, there are way more posters on vg or pol that act like bastards on here and plenty of them are "normal" and seem well adjusted to outside viewers
>>43452833>nah you were just waiting for the excuse to act that way for some shallow sense of catharsis.I was raised in a progressive household so ive been pro-lgbt since i was a child I was never taught to be ashamed of it. Im still sure most normal gays and trannies are cool, but spending most of my time on here and having bigoted masc-worshipping sex-obsessed fags aswell as annoying pervy puppygirl transbians being my only frequent exposure to other members of the queer community has permanently tainted my perception of myself and of other queers.
Even now I have been constantly refreshing this board every few seconds for like the last 20 minutes straight because I have absolutely nothing else i can do. wtf is wrong with me.
>>43452824Rdrama.net
>>43452824me too. >forced to rep due to shit ton of unlucky circumstances that happened to me every thread on this shit heap is people bragging about their sex life or how happy they are because they got to transition. only the venting related threads are interesting. it's funny because i preferred going on /x/ sometimes but then when i talked about my dysphoria once on there i got called a low t fag and called an animal for caring about my physical body (by disliking how masculine it is) and other insults. honestly one of my main interests is spirituality (not most organized religion or new age stuff because i hate both of them) so i really like going on there because its the only place you can actually discuss supernatural things without being called schizo. but it does have a lot of obnoxious content and is full of /pol/ user chuds. i have a very abnormal life so this site is the only place where i actually relate to some people. i also dont have any irl or online friends anymore except 1 who i don't see often and am not super "close" with. i can't have friends or a social life because of said abnormal circumstances, i am only able to physically be around others for work.
>>43453737i like this board because i relate to having gender dysphoria but lately most of the stuff i read has been filling me with envy and infuriating me. i am envious of trans women who got to transition and are happy because of it. i don't think i ever will be able to because of a problem i caused regarding a god of the religion i grew up in and my freedom in the afterlife. and that's not even including the other circumstances preventing me from transitioning. my life has become so fucked up that i sincerely regret not killing myself when i was 12 and i wanted to. i think my soul would have been much happier if i did. nothing I've been through since then has been worth going through, and i don't think this life will be worth it. i was created on accident by unfortunate circumstances. i had a dream that a voice told me "Some people choose to be tortured in this life so that they have an advantage in the afterlife." but i have no way of knowing if i really chose this, i can only choose whether or not to believe that dream. i honestly think i was just created as a collision of circumstances that led to me being conceived. i also think I'm being attacked by a specific god or some kind of entity that has been ruining my life and causing me pain. i think the gods that created East Asians like them because they actually gave them the ability to have agency in their lives, to put it vaguely. i sincerely think either this (potentially malevolent) Hindu god i grew up worshipping or some new age ideology affiliated entity or entities are intentionally sabotaging my life and forcing me to go through and/or live a way that i dont want to. i don't think i have freedom. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=OZZFhxzEimo
>>43452824This board has been taken over by naruto runners lol All the good germans are dead (got siren’d to the tradwife threads you dont see anymore, they arent allowed to post here anymore )
>>43452824>fetish coomer shitThat's actually the stuff I like. Particularly diaper, age regression, and CG/L. I agree with you on the ragebait though.
>>43452824>feels like feral hamsterNgl that is the cutest and gayest thing Ive ever read. Have you tried getting off the internet and finding something productive to do irl? This is a stupid gripe. You are not that socially fucked. Youre just a retarded asshole.
>>43453916take your girlpills retard
>>43455548if i tell you the supernatural reason why im hesitant to take them will you call me schizo? in addition to that i already was on e but i think it made my mild hppd (if i even have it at all) become more severe because i woke up having what looked like psychedelic visuals once also i ended up getting bad luck and it caused me to mess my hair up and i cut it all off. so id be walking around with a short post-buzzcut while having boobs.
>>43455847I was already going to call you a schizo, but then again I've dipped my toe in the religion schizo pool when things have been shitty for me, and trannoids generally have way shittier situations, so you're no worse than mehell, I've even proactively leaned into my schizo side to get to a better mental state for a while>hppd on ethat sucksworth another shot to see if it repeats, maybe tweak the regimen and which version (een vs the others etc)?>post-buzzcut while having tiddythose take a while to grow, and that's assuming good tiddy genetics, diet, sleep and stress levelsI'd still lean toward giving it another shotbut do tell the reason, better to post than not maybe
>>43455895>worth another shot to see if it repeats, maybe tweak the regimen and which version (een vs the others etc)? maybe. i was on 6mg een when it happened. i threw out the vial though cause i had a bad mini ocd episode. >those take a while to grow, and that's assuming good tiddy genetics, diet, sleep and stress levels i already got some breast growth from it, i cant wear t shirts without being careful about how i move in public because my nipples and even the actual shape of the breasts shows if i stretch or move a certain way >but do tell the reason, better to post than not maybe k, >>>/x/42339173
>>43456044wait no i think it was 5mg. i can't really remember but i think it was 5 because of my ocd about East Asians saying 4 is unlucky because it sounds like the word for "death" in their languages but death isnt necessarily a bad thing especially if your life is torture.
>>43456044>k, >>>/x/42339173oh yeah I definitely remember coming up with similar rationalizations for bad luck, so I'm no one to judge>greeks romans: gods see humans as playthingscan't blame em, the greek pantheon was basically superpowered celebrity soap opera, with humans being literally the playthings that often got the short end of the stick as a side effect of the shenanigans the story's resident goatfucker was up to while trying to bone his daughter or w/eabout the dream thing, even timing can affect how much you remember, and depresso and shit definitely can. obviously weed, booze caffeine and others can too, at least in my experience. can be something else too ofc>already nipsthose are tricky>shape of tiddy if stretch/move in certain wayshopefully you can larp them off as moobs if people pop a question>>43456054>4 deathoh yeah that's a big one for themidk I hope you give it another shot nona, worth trying to see what you can get out of this life
>>43456054lol also East Asians are basically mini gods. the gods who created them seem to actually like them since they gave them the ability to have agency over their lives instead of torturing them for not worshipping them like the Hindu god of the cult i grew up in. East Asians parents are actually smart and force them to be economically successful so they never have to worry about becoming homeless or living with abusers in adulthood. meanwhile im being tortured 24/7 and probably gonna have to do minimum wage or other shit jobs my whole life because i was born in a cult and am too mentally deficient to function in school without heavy meds that might make me obese.
>>43456188>caffeine that could be it cause around that time (though not sure when, just around that period of a few months) i did start drinking green tea daily. one time recently and maybe more i noticed on days when i didnt drink any tea i did have vivid dreams that i remembered. idk though because of the timing of what i prayed for. when i was in the psych ward (for suicidal ideation) recently i did also have vivid dreams. as soon as i fell asleep in there some horrifying-looking evil entity molested me in my dream and caused me to have a wet dream. it looked like the demon from the nightmare scene in Sayonara wo Oshiete. it also happened during the daytime on top of that. that didnt happen again because i prayed to all of the gods for protection from harm by evil spirits before going to sleep every night after that. i actually had one really vivid dream while in there after that and saw an old internet friend i havent talked to in a long time. >idk I hope you give it another shot nona, worth trying to see what you can get out of this life thanks. i had a dream where a voice told me "Some people choose to be tortured in this life so that they have an advantage in the afterlife." so i honestly dont think im ever going to be happy in my life. i mostly just get false hope from reading fortune cookies that show up on my pinterest feed. i also dont want to be a slave to that entity, the Hindu god i prayed to, in the afterlife if i transition. so i really think i may never be able to transition if i want to keep my freedom in the afterlife.
>>43456218>living with abusers in adulthood. meanwhile im being tortured 24/7 and probably gonna have to do minimum wage or other shit jobs my whole life because i was born in a cult and am too mentally deficient to function in schoolhad a colleague at the volunteering thing in a thrift store, dude grew up in a cult, was homieless with just his dog during some pretty shitty winters in a tent innawoods near the city, glad he has a roof over his head nowidk if there's some programs that might be able to get you out of that situations, but fingers crossed>east asian model immergrantsI do respect them for that, esp when they can achieve it without burning out their kids and maybe even allowing them to enjoy childhood>>43456321>gween teayep I've become overly sensitive to caffeine, green tea is borderline for me>nightmare molester wet dreamsexo wet or pee wet?I'd say roll with it during, especially when you can start suspecting in the dream that it is a dream. I've used that on multiple occasions>Some people choose to be tortured in this life so that they have an advantage in the afterlife." I personally like to hedge my bets - current safe money's on me being worm food in a few decades, so in case there's nothing afterwards, I want to have lived my life as much as I can despite the missed decadesif Big J does exist, I hope I'll have done enough good to not get too shafted>so i honestly dont think im ever going to be happy in my life. i mostly just get false hope from reading fortune cookies that show up on my pinterest feed.those might be the nudge that you needtry it to hedge your bets in case of no afterlife or a decent god in the afterlife - my image of Big J is the guy that consorted with the whores and chased the merchants out of the temple, so in my mind he'd be the one showing loving kindness to his brain-miswired children
>>43452824>Everytime i come here it just makes me infinitely more miserableYeah...I have that effect on people.
>>43456550Untrue you were nice to us once
>>43456535>I do respect them for that, esp when they can achieve it without burning out their kids and maybe even allowing them to enjoy childhood yeah. fuck, it's so upsetting especially cause two of my childhood friends who grew up in the cult both had parents who "put" them through college, like Asians. financial stability is literally one of the most important things besides your physical & mental health. thats why im so fucking jealous of Asians and people whose parents forced them to get through college and get a good degree because theyll never have to worry about becoming homeless or having to live with a fucking viscious sadistic abuser despite already being an adult. they dont have to work shitty minimum wage jobs to survive either.
>>43456694honestly i really should have killed myself when i was 12. fuck this life. human life is evil.
>>43452824>>43452865Only racist chuds use this board. queers irl aren't racist chuds like you.
>>43456694>financial stability is literally one of the most important things besides your physical & mental health.yep, I didn't have the last, then the first, then finally lost the middle, and boy do I appreciate them more now>>43456726if you had better circumstances, life would be less of a hell. it may still be possible to get into a better situation
>>43456732OP here, im not a racist but thanks for projecting>>43455548Prime example of why I hate this board. People like this who are unable to engage with anyone in any meaningful conversation, and just spit out one of your same few catchphrases.
>>43457248>People like this who are unable to engage with anyone in any meaningful conversation,this tbhon, I was merely pretending in >>43455895>>43456188>>43456535
>>43457287I just assumed you and those other replies were from seperate anons. Besides its still true that most people on this board are allergic to having meaninful convos and will just throw out thought-terminating one-liners
>>43457341I like to larp as all of those, swapping between moods second by second depending on what's fitting the current sub-thread
>>43457453(also I'm being genuine in my more effortposty and nonshitposty posts, ftr. there's more than enough suffering in this world and especially in this board, no sense in adding malicious insincerity here)
