hello everybody. I am a cis female and i have just recently started talking to a trans woman at the very beginning of her transition and i need advise on how i can console her. She dosent dress traditionally feminine anywhere except at home, and says the biggest reason she isn’t fully transitioning yet is because no matter what she does and how hard she tries all of society will hate her. I reallly don’t know how to help her, i hate seeing her so upset and not knowing the right things to say. Do you people regret transitioning, do you think it made a big difference with making you happier or just made things more complicated?
>>43456441i'm a tranny in the same position. what i really want in a friend is someone who'll listen and not answer back all the time. when we're super delusional we don't want to fight our beliefs, even if they're wrong. i understand the instinct to correct someone but we also just want to live our lives quietly
>>43456456okay okay! that helps a lot, so do you think me trying to sort out her thoughts for her is actually making it worse? i also feel guilty that me being here is making her confusion worse since i am very rarely attracted to biological males, maybe she dosent want to lose me?
>>43456441all trannies have at minimum low-grade bpd and it's even worse for babytrans. it's better for your mental wellbeing to break off contact sooner rather than waiting for them to do a big misogynistic crashout trantrum at you
>>43456441She needs a friend and someone to listen to her. As a hon myself this is NOT an easy life and a vast majority of the time she will be needing to keep her mouth shut and let the hate roll off her back. Im not saying this as an "optics" thing or to show how "submissive and docile/harmless" transfemmes are. But for her own literal safety! People can be so fucking rude and pure evil. Having an ally is the BIGGEST help she can have. Not to fight her battles but for her to confide in. What advice the troons on here with miss is she needs community most of all. Most everyone in here is terminally online and god awful people (although I do try to love them anyhow) and to them the contemporary lgbtqia+ community is the bane of tranny existence (its not they are just fucking dummies) mostly because they watch Twitter discourse like it defines humanity. Help her find a good support group. And please, please try not to abandon her!. Although I will say that is gonna be tough. Most trans folk deal with hard ore mental illnesses on top of self image issues.GL troon ally anon!
>>43456483>sort out her thoughts for herYou might get there eventually, though that nona might think differently. At best, after she's said what she feels you should try to honestly express what you heard to make sure you're understanding. Don't take it onto yourself to try and shepherd her through her feelings, but make sure you're not just silently taking in what she's saying and assuming you know what she means without telling her. It might never come, but sometimes people say a thing and those around them hear something totally unrelated or different, and making sure you're not doing that could help some to reassure her that you're listening carefully. If you've known her for ten years you might actually come to a point where you can navigate her feelings as well as she can, or even better than she could alone. I wouldn't bet on being able to though, she might feel like you're putting words in her mouth if she's not in the right mind. Her reaction to you isn't going to be easy to deal with, and that sucks. Being used as an example for someone elses self harm or self doubt, no matter how ephemeral, isn't always easy to bear. Unfortunately, she's doing this no matter what you give her, and she's doing it all the time with anyone she sees. I can't explain the neurotic and intrusive thoughts that assess how well some guy might transition, or how I might never look like some woman I see, and I can't escape them either. You cannot take this from her, it cannot be healed, it can't be forgotten or disappear. Her ability to bear those thoughts, control her reaction to them, or integrate them into a less volatile reaction is her responsibility. Your stability, support and honesty can definitely help her become a more balanced participate in her own life, but it cannot make her problems go away.
reading >>43456456 I get the feeling that some cis women are guilty of cissplaining
>>43456648yes, heavy on the community thing. We don’t live in the same state so it’s hard to do all the research for her, but she believes even lgbt communities hate trans women as much as the rest of the world, which i don’t believe to be true
If you really like her (as a friend or partner idk) BE THERE FOR HER. Yes, both of you will make mistakes and maybe say stupid things, but having a friend is always better than being alone.
>>43457326yeah i’m definantly guilty of this…
>>43457526Its not true at all. Again alotta transfemme are terminally online. Saying everyone hates trannies is a take only a 4tranner or twitter user would say. The online atmosphere is so, so much more toxic than irl. I would continue yo gently suggest finding irl trans/queer friends and allies. Life is too tough to go at alone.
>>43458405i’ve tried to convince her to put herself out there by telling her this but i do think she’s in the 4chanite mindset of everybody hates me if im not passing perfectly. Which as i know now! i can’t just talk her out of :((
>>43456441I am trans forever and my will is made of titanium
>>43456441Does she not pass or something I don't understand. I've been trans for 3 years and have not gotten any hate for it at all. The only thing that's changed in my life is I like what I see in the mirror and people don't see me as a "weird guy" anymore
>>43456441>I reallly don’t know how to help her, i hate seeing her so upset and not knowing the right things to say.the biggest thing you can do is make sure she feels safe around you specifically. ask her questions gently and listen to what she says, don't try to tell her that all of society will be just fine with her, because that's not true. instead, show her that you are just fine with her. once you have established this, you can try to get her into a larger social context that is also safe for her.>>43458784stop trying to talk her out of things! stop trying to tell her that all her fears are fake and made up, because she knows perfectly well that they aren't. you need to show her that there are specific places where she doesn't have to be burdened by that fear, and then expand those places over time.
>>43458784Yes and you never will be able to and their negatively-narcissistic attitude will grate and grate on you until you realise they are a stunted manchild who is draining to be around. Quit while you're ahead.
