Is a certain amount of jealousy a necessary evil? Can you have a healthy level of jealousy? I know that it obviously can be toxic but if you DONT feel jealousy can you even really say you love a person? I understand that some people are poly or in open relationships…but it seems to me wanting monogamy and a “normal” love life is scene as problematic and if you get upset with a partner wanting to be poly or in an open relationship you will be dogged on and yelled at by onlooking supporters of that.
>>43458840I mean on dating apps I get guys who are still actively seeking other ppl even as we get romantically closer- but not official, to me that is horrible behavior but apparently in this dating era people want to feel free to shop as long as they can to the very last moment, and even in a relationship jealousy now immediately translates to toxic and controlling pos which is obviously dumthat said, jealousy is fine and can be flattering as long as it doesnt negatively influences your relationship and starts controlling behaviours
>>43458840>but it seems to me wanting monogamy and a “normal” love life is scene as problematic and if you get upset with a partner wanting to be poly or in an open relationship you will be dogged on and yelled at by onlooking supporters of that.that's polyfuccboi gaslightingmonogamy and compatible sexuality are your boundaries, stick to them, no need to get upsetti, if people aren't compatible, best to let them find someone more compatibleask cis people about exclusivity, it's ok to want to be exclusive at some point in dating, assuming you offer the same. that's another compatibility thing
>>43459053i understand that but for example lets say someone was already in a long term relationship more than 5 years and living together and one side or both potentially start falling out and wanting to see other people or whatever at point does a relationship “end” and can it end on good terms ( obviously it can ) but MOST situations end horrible with one person being heartbroken if that one person still loved the other….
>>43458975>still actively seeking other ppl even as we get romantically closer- but not official, to me that is horrible behaviorHoly fuck I thought I was going insane.I talked to this girl for a bit under a week, basically all day every day, had great chemistry, were quite flirty and affectionate. She posted another ad at the tail end, which I took issue with, but she didn't get it at all and I was made out to be super insecure. I really needed to read someone else's opinion.
>>43459213yeah that happened to me as well and to a friend of mine too, but for example another friend said that until it's official everything is fair game but I think that is very situational and doesnt always apply, especially when you are obviously getting very intimate and developing feelingsstill, I have to say a bit under a week is not a long time but I dont know the details and I do understand how u feel
>>43459250Yeah, I think it just differs from person to person. I can't really talk to multiple people that way at a time.And that's fair, I'm certainly not 100% in the right there. But at least some understanding where I was coming from would have been nice.
>>43459213hook up culture is to blame as well its almost i possible to expect to find someone who will be willing to spend the rest of your life with without either ending up with one side wanting to “explore” open relationship or poly and if you protest or get upset at the idea you are either dumped of called insecure or whatever its honestly horrifying
>>43459263Oh I absolutely understand u; I cant really talk to multiple ppl in that way either, some obviously do and cannot understand some ppl like us might perceive that as a lack of true interest on their part and feel bad about it
Is this about that retarded little middle schooler bullshit where random girls and olympic gold medalists in mental gymnastics pretended they had ascended beyond the point of ever even conceiving of jealousy until some poor woman made an innocuous comment about feeling like her college friend had it better than her?
>>43459265Oof I'll be honest, I don't even think I could date someone who's done hookups. I haven't done it myself. I'm definitely looking for very monogamous people only. Opening up the relationship sounds like a nightmare I want to avoid lmao.>>43459282Yeah, like I don't wanna make them feel guilty or whatever either, but being able to understand the other perspective at least wouldn't be bad. Though I don't know if that's selling myself short...
>>43459388finding someone who hasnt is impossible now i myself am guiltyi also was with someone who for a long term period lived with her and i never expected it to last and eventually i started seeing other people i let. her know that i was as wellstill when we called it quits it did hurt but honestly i knew it would never last so im glad at the same time i didnt grow TOO attached
>>43459213>>43459265yes nowadays asking for commitment when giving things a try means being an insecure asshole and future toxic jealous exsaw it happen to multiple people loland dont make me start on poly demons
>>43458840>Can you have a healthy level of jealousy?yes
>>43458975Our gen is doomed.
>>43460396yep yep>>43460590there is still plenty of time to save monogamythe idea that its toxic and anti queer is dumb as fuck
>>43459213>Holy fuck I thought I was going insane.you're not, it's okay to feel like that
>>43462795poly bullshit is a psyop against queer peoplemonogamy is good thing but only if you are a straight white male in america clinging to the fable of the nuclear familymonogamy at its core is queerbut in a toxic masculine war world its oppressive to question the patriarchy“you have long hair!” so did every abrahamic male and jesus did as well so in a way you can make the argument that america and “conservatism” post world war 2 was literal grooming america is the whore of babylon
>>43462986I agree, although we weren't talking about poly in that particular post chain, friend
>>43463077many such cases! thank you for attention of this matter!
interested in hearing some more opinions about this stuff this thread is making me rethink some things
>>43465196Oh yeah? What's on your mind?
>>43465859I've been always guilt tripped into thinking that expressing a desire (not a demand!) for exclusivity before putting official labels on the relationship was a sign of insecurity and a massive red flag. I am not the most confident girl obviously, but I never considered myself particularly jealous or controlling either, just very emotional, so that always hurt me.So I'm honestly relieved to read that some people agree with me on this
>>43466311Eh, that sounds pretty shit. Especially guilt tripping over it. Thanks for sharing. I'm a male chaser, admittedly a bit possessive, so I thought I was just being a possessive asshole or something.And just seeing other perspectives makes me stop feeling "gaslit".
>>43458975>>43459213>>43466311This is basically technicality vs emotional reality. Not being exclusive is technically right which is why it's easy to look like an asshole when bringing that stuff up before being a thing; but obviously if you're trying to build something, emotions will also start building up together with a need of reciprocity, and you shouldn't enter a relationship that was built on technicalities, but rather on mutual attraction and respect.
>>43470073this makes a lot of sense and that pic is interesting
