i transitioned socially at 16 and started hrt at 18. i am now 22. i had hope, early on, that transitioning would get rid of my gender dysphoria. i dont regret transitioning in the slightest but it didnt get rid of my gender dysphoria. im a semipassoid now, but i still get haunted by the feeling that im not a real woman. i feel like even if i could afford every surgery (i cant) and got all of them, there would still be an insurmountable gap between me and cis women. i dont really feel sisterhood, even with the most liberal women i know, beneath their accepting and encouraging veneer it became obvious they only consider me 90% of a woman, the last 10% being the magical wombynly essence. ironically it was easier before i was passing, then at least these types were super supportive and i was naive and hopeful. but once you try to fit in among them they push you out.i have a bf who i love very much. i should be happy. but i hate having sex. its only a reminder of everything that is wrong with me. i hate that my body wants it so much. i wish i could never want anything again, because at least then i would never be disappointed.
>>43460431i see myself in this post. i'm about to turn 21, i've been on hrt for almost three years, not much has changed. i feel like i'm locked into this now since i got an orchi. i take hrt but i dont really care about the effects anymore, no matter what my perception of myself doesnt change. no matter how many people compliment me, or think i pass will ever change that. another 3 years of hrt won't change that, all these surgeries won't change that. it's literally fucking over, and i just don't know how to cope with that. what's the point of living if i'll never be a woman? if i'm always just going to be this weird thing inbetween, living because i feel like i have to live, because this is the only life i've got. i don't know where to go from here. i just boymode because it feels pointless to even engage in womanhood when i'll always be an other anyway. at least i won't masculinize anymore, i guess. i feel resigned to it now, i've given up.
>>43460502>>43460431ive started at 15, 25 now. It doesnt get better. I still think of myself as a man trying to pretend. You just have find other things in your life. Gender really doesnt matter for 23 hours out of the day. like I fucking love my job. I love my hobbies. when something gender comes up I get through it and move on
>>43460502thanks for sharing your experience nona. i dont really have an answer to your question, ig im still trying to figure that out myself. i girlmode and its ok, most people dont notice im trans.i would never detroon and dont regret anything. i just wish my dysphoria would go away. i have been trying to decide whether srs would be worth it to make my dysphoria go away.>>43460835maybe your voice didnt drop yet at 15, but mine did and even though its voicetrained and passing it still isn't cis female level. i have tons of little triggers like that that will just resurface those buried feelings. im happy that you love your job and your hobbies nona, i hope i can get there too some day.
>>43460872my voice did drop, and I got vfs, but the vfs made it worse. Im saving up for another round to fix it
>>43460890im sorry to hear that nona, that really sucks. i hope ur revision goes well so that u can have a pretty voice <3
>>43461201ty
>>43460431real. i wish it went away but it just gets a little less bad over time. friends my age (25) are having kids and i just want to scream
>>43460872i haven't laughed in front of anyone since i trained my voice 3 years ago, no matter how much i record myself alone in my apartment trying to train my laugh i can never get it right.
