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NSSI

>>43465017
one of the first things I'd do with access to sufficiently advanced transhumanist technology is change my own brain far beyond the point that I can still be considered "myself" anymore¸ this includes everything from my emotions, my memories and even my tastes.

>>43465017
earrings

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>>43465017
I am currently saving up for FFS and already have a consult in place. Afterwards, I plan to try and get VFS, rib remodelling, fat grafting to hips, and maybe clavicle shortening covered by insurance at work, and in the meantime, save up for SRS. I suppose I wouldn't mind BA and BBL at some point there, but I'm sorta skeptical about the latter and for the former, I'd only get the Motiva Ergonomix, so it sorta limits my opportunity there. I know a surgeon who uses those, so really it's only a matter of time and money.
Besides that, I do kinda wanna get into waist training. It seems like it could be fun.

There's a very intense discrepancy in my life and desires. On one hand, I want to finish transition and become a normal woman and have a child with my boyfriend (future husband <3) and just generally be content. On the other hand, I see the body as a vehicle for the soul and I want to push the envelope with just how much I can surgically alter it. I don't wanna be botched, of course, all within the realm of reason, but it's an alluring idea, tearing the floorboards up and installing nice marble, so to speak. My body failed me the moment it was conceived with a Y chromosome. Emperor Julian spoke on the Galli of Cybele and described their self castration as a purificatory ritual to the end of stopping the power of infinite generation. I realize that, in the face of gender dysphoria, ascetism insofar as the relinquishing of the body is the way out, but not in that we do not treat the dysphoria of the body, but that we instead give the body over to a higher existence and take this opportunity in life, as someone afflicted with this disease, to completely and utterly reconstruct it, like a warrior who never stops fighting. One must give away the autonomy of their body because each surgery is a brush with death and a risk of failure and of rendering it broken beyond repair via complications, but if you have sufficiently detached yourself, this will not matter.

FFS (2015), BA (2017) and SRS (2019).
Looked into rib remodelling but eventually decided against it because it wouldn't bring much improvement.
I exercised maxxed to help the fat redistribution effect.
Still thinking of VFS largely for fetish reasons. But the tech is not just there yet. The price/quality ratio is sub-optimal still.
>>43467563
Really, you should postpone VFS and prioritize something else. Either rib remodelling or srs.

>>43467745
>largely for fetish reasons
Can you elaborate? haha
>you should postpone VFS
My main reason for getting VFS is just because I want to permanently make myself incapable of reaching a male range. I've been sick lately and not being able to reach a female range, and violently coughing and sneezing and sounding very male while doing so, has been devastating for my dysphoria. Otherwise, my voice passes perfectly and I really really love my voice. I have practically no reason to get VFS other than wanting to just take the effort / fear of regressing into male register out of the equation.
Also, to be honest, I just want an excuse to not get a tracheal shave during my FFS. People tell me it's dangerous and that it could damage my voice, so if I plan to get VFS later on, I can get it done during that and not have to worry about vocal damage. I dunno. It's stupid but whatever.
>prioritize something else. Either rib remodelling or srs
Oh no, you misunderstand. I would only get that other stuff done with insurance. I plan on having a complete separate fund for SRS. SRS is top priority after FFS. I want a vagina soooooo bad you don't understand. I don't mind the dick, I could live with it, but I hate not having what should be there instead.

>>43467806
>elaborate
Masochistic emasculation fetish. I literally transitioned for the fetish.
I'm considering VFS for the same reason as you - to permanently be incapable of reaching male range. Except I find that hot, largely because that's the last part of me that hasn't been emasculated.
>I want a vagina soooooo bad you don't understand
Oh but I do. The year 2018 (waiting for srs) was the hardest.
The thing about trooning for the fetish is that it's entirely voluntary. I psyopped myself into wanting all of this. Technically speaking i'm 'fake trans' but w/e.
SRS was by far the most important mod. My sexual health improved significantly. And since MEF is very submissive, SRS was simply a logical conclusion.
>I don't mind the dick, I could live with it,
Me in 2013.
>but I hate not having what should be there instead
Me in 2017 haha.
Good luck with the journey. Consider PPT over basically any other method.

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>>43468358
>Except I find that hot, largely because that's the last part of me that hasn't been emasculated
I didn't transition for a fetish, this life is a complete and utter nightmare and I wish I could've been born a cis girl or at least just been a normal boy, but I still get the fetishy parts of it. It's hot when my bf slaps his big cock against my tiny feminized one. It's hot when he makes a joke using my deadname. It's hot when he reminds me I used to be someone's son. That's all in the background and quite normal, I think, because humans tend to fetishize their traumas. But I do get it. On a certain level, these surgeries are very erotic. After SRS, what little ability I have to penetrate anything will be gone forever and replaced with a hole that's only real function is for sex, since it's not like I can birth anything through it anyway.
>Technically speaking i'm 'fake trans' but w/e
I'd consider gockposters and trenders faketrans before I would ever consider a woman with a vagina faketrans. You're more of a woman than I am, at least.
>SRS was simply a logical conclusion
Yeah, that's how I feel. The thought of using my dick disgusts me. My boyfriend makes me feel very comforted with it, but still, I'd rather have vaginal sex like a real woman. SRS is terrifying though, complications are quite rare nowadays apparently, but I still can't shake the feeling that I'm gonna get botched and regret it.
>Consider PPT over basically any other method
Oh I am, and I will just live with the dick if I can't get Bank. Every other surgeon's work looks kinda garbage if I'm being honest. Pussies aren't pretty but there's something about even some of the best SRS surgeons' work that looks really fucking strange, and the worst surgeons just look like hackjobs

>>43468483
>I wish I could've been born a cis girl or at least just been a normal boy
That is the main difference between MEFies and dysphoric trannies. I am actually glad for my life. Being amab female has a certain fascination to it and I'm in awe that I got to live this life so far and with this body.
>It's hot when he reminds me I used to be someone's son
It's even hotter when I'm reminded I used to be a straight man. And when he reminds me how much I need him to fuck the boy out of me.
>That's all in the background and quite normal
Maybe. Although to me that was the reason. I was a normal boy and got to 22 as a straight man. Then I just didn't want to anymore and being a submissive failed male and later on straight woman to a man was the only thing that turned me on.
>what little ability I have to penetrate anything will be gone forever and replaced with a hole that's only real function is for sex
The hottest part was the first few months after recovery pain when I was learning how to use it.
Now I gained a new appreciation for solo male porn. Knowing not only that I won't and shouldn't jerk off (like until 2019) but literally can't anymore makes me very horny. It's now patently clear who is a man and who isn't.
>You're more of a woman than I am
Please don't. I am older and happened to have the financial possibility to advance faster in the journey.
I do agree with you on gockposters. I'm neutral on trenders because, well, I like freedom and bodily autonomy. I know I used mine to its fullest extent haha.
>SRS complications and botching
In addition to complications being a lot rarer than prior to 2018, revisions are also a lot more possible today than before. In fact, PPT itself is also a revision for other methods used in the past.
>other surgeon's work looks kinda garbage
This would be another difference. I prioritized sensation over looks. The looks are meh, but the self-lubrication and functionality are top notch.
To me it needn't look great, but feel great.

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>>43468917
>I'm in awe that I got to live this life so far and with this body
Oh, I feel the exact same way. It's a blessing and a curse, it's extreme torment on a day to day basis and I am being actively oppressed by my own government which prides itself on freedom and justice for all, but I have a very very vast and dynamic understanding of the human experience, or I will at least. Right now, I'm pretty much in the trenches, but I'm sure it'll get better.
>when I was learning how to use it
Wow, I really envy you, but not in a bad way, more like "wow, I can get to the point she's at too some day". I think it's wild that you got to experience that and "learn how to use it". I really really really wish I could have that experience, too. I wish I could feel something inside of me or just reach down and feel my labia or look in the mirror and see a flat surface between my legs. The dick isn't awful, it is what it is, but god I wish I could know what it's like to have a vagina. Reading things like your post or talking to women with SRS physically hurts me. I'm gonna cry. I wish I had a vagina so bad :(
> I am older and happened to have the financial possibility to advance faster in the journey
Well, I'm 21 and I transitioned at 19, so for what it's worth, I've been on hormones earlier than you were, and provided I can get financially up and running after FFS, I might also have the ability to get these surgeries before my 30s. I hope so, at least.
>In addition to complications being a lot rarer than prior to 2018, revisions are also a lot more possible today than before
That's relieving. More and more, I am seeing I shouldn't worry so much about SRS. I think I'll be ok. I just can't handle hearing the horror stories.
>To me it needn't look great, but feel great.
I guess it's vain of me to consider aesthetics so heavily, but I don't want to have something that looks weird or wrong. Of course, I also want it to function. I'm terrified of not being able to orgasm.

>>43469069
>I'm terrified of not being able to orgasm
I was too. That's why I waited until PPT was more widely spread (I actually could've afforded srs since 2016) - precisely because even the "horror stories" about ppt are mostly about looks or too much lubrication.
Of course, there are risks. Every medical intervention (including taking an aspirin) has risks and horror stories. You can literally fry your brain with aspirin. But nobody thinks about Reye's syndrome when popping an aspirin.
This isn't to reassure you but rather to put things into perspective. You also have to keep in mind that although the number of mtfs that get srs has skyrocketed (in line with the total number of mtfs), the number of horror stories declined. Meaning that the actual safety profile increased dramatically. It will never be 100% safe, of course. Nothing is. But the 2020s are a much better decade to get srs than all of the previous decades.
>I might also have the ability to get these surgeries before my 30s
Good luck. You really need a bit of luck, in addition to discipline and competence. I work in a well-paid field and by age 25 I was good enough at what I was doing that I could come naked at work and wouldn't be fired. Ofc I'm mildly exaggerating but the point is that I was valuable enough that firing me for being a fetishist tranny freak was not an option. And I was a freak for a while, until I learned how to mentally transition. Lots of trannies don't do this step fully, much to their detriment.
>been on hormones earlier than you were
Age matters a lot less than you think in the 16-25 interval. Genetics matter the most. I got confused for a girl even before starting hrt.
Besides, I wouldn't have been ready at 19. I would've refused even if offered. That's another difference between MEFs and dysphoric trannies. I didn't "rep" per se. I was fine. Until I wasn't and realized that I can become a woman even though it is difficult and expensive.

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>>43469216
Your words on SRS are very reassuring and about the best thing I could hear right now. I really appreciate you and think you're a cool person. My Discord is sachaboyo if you wanna be friends.
>I work in a well-paid field and by age 25 I was good enough at what I was doing that I could come naked at work and wouldn't be fired
I'm 21 and work at Walmart, so I'm not really in a very lucrative field, and I've specifically not gone to college because I want to be a woman before I start any kind of serious academic or career pursuits. I plan to go into finance, though, which can be a pretty fast track to wealth all things considered. My cousin is like 24 and already owns a house with her fiance because she got an internship that gave her rare skills, and she now has an accounting job with a manufacturing company. I plan on leaving Walmart after my FFS, which will probably be when I'm 23, and going to college while working at Starbucks so I can get insurance to cover stuff like femlar and rib remodeling. I will also set aside a fund for SRS when I'm in that position and will keep shooting my shot at Bank's lottery.
>I got confused for a girl even before starting hrt
My body passes, I'm very short and petite, but my face is bad. I get mistaken for a young boy most of the time.
> I wouldn't have been ready at 19
I've wanted to be a girl since I was like 13. I could've DIY'd at like 16 or so, but I was a coward. I literally got as far as ordering it online and taking it, but I kept having panic attacks each time I took it because I thought something would happen to me, so I quit. I wish I woulda stuck to it. It was just pills and cypro. Oh well.

>>43465017
Nipple, ear, and septum piercing. 4 tattoos
I want ffs, orchi, more tats, and my tongue, cock, taint, and lip pierced

>>43465017
I have multiple piercings, tattoos + elf ears done
I plan on getting silicone collarbone + thumb ridge implants soon and also want ffs + zero depth vaginoplasty (I refuse to date/have a relationship so it's really only for my own comfort)

>>43469678
and yet you wear coke bottle glasses rather than get lasik or contacts?

>>43469694
yeah contacts irritate my eyes and lasik fucks your nightvision + isn't even guaranteed to persist long-term

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>>43465017
reverse angel fangs
snakebites
septum
two nostril
eyebrow (used to, need to get redone, plan a different spot on both)
nips
Idk if cutting counts as modifying but my legs look like birch trees

I plan on getting ffs, probably not too much though
Might get rib surgery to make them smaller
going to get eyebrows in the same way as v1ct1m from /soc/
I have an idea for a piercing at the base of my gock
I'll probably get twin collarbone dermals
once I get laser on my upper lip I plan on taking the reverse fangs out and getting normal angel fangs.
Speaking of fangs I wanna get permafangs too one day
I have so much I wanna do to my ears I won't even get into it
Tattoos too but that's for when I'm older than like 25

>>43469707
I guess that makes sense, seemed like youre chasing the wrong problems lol

>>43469738
Insane that this is the most normal answer. What a degenerate thread.

>>43470138
yayyy

>>43465017
I would have modified my body by keeping a metal rod up my urethra in the hopes of prevention my dick from bending sideways

3 ear piercings, laser, llip filler, highlights.

>>43469738
u should get glow scars on ur legs

>>43470434
Holy shit that's actually such a good idea oh my goodness that's wicked as fuck

>>43470464
they are pretty cool. im still trying to decide a design for me.

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>>43465017

>>43465017
oh i don't know i don't think there's such thing as an unchanging part of life

>don't want to be like actual women but live in an eternal nerdy adolescent male science fiction/hentai protagonist fantasy
As if that wasn't blatantly obvious by now

>>43471785
this isnt unique to trannies. actual women and men dont want to be like actual women and men either

>>43465017
srsussy