I am bi and never explored nor pursued a gay relationship before, neither have I been in the LGBT scene cuz I find it cringe and weird. Currently I want to fully come to terms with my sexuality and I need some help, please.Before you give me shit advice, let me preface that I am autistic (not retarded level).1- On dates, I don't know how to "act" gay. I act like my intentions are friendship, no romantic undertones. It does not help that I am new to dating random people off the innerwebs. I need help in how to communicate intentions, in both subtle and unsubtle ways. Being a bit of a goofball is the gayest thing I can do -I am a goofy boy. I don't dress/look gay either. There are no hints of gay activity nor intentions. 2- What characteristics gay men appreciate you complimenting? A femboy may not like being called muscular, and a shortie may not like being referred to as cute. If I treat them like a women they may feel bad about me kinda feminizing them. With women, as long as it is genuine it works. With men, I think it depends a lot about their intentions. -there is a personal problem that fucks up this one too:3- I don't know what I like about guys exactly. Most of them are ugly and smelly. Then there is that vast uncanny valley between what I know I definitely don't like and cute boys, presumedly caused by me not being used to guys. I admit I have some internalized shame that I can't shake off. I don't want to be expected to act like part on an ingroup either. I agree with the LGBT movement's ideals, but I don't want to adopt any of LGBT scene's characteristics to fit in.4- Are tops and bottoms really a thing or is that the tendency that a person performs the role? Sounds like bs.5- I am going to miss boobs so much during sex. I feel like I am losing a whole dimension. Can I grope their chest and lick their nips or is that too feminizing?
you don'tbisexual men should 100% repress their same sex attraction and only date cis and trans women
>>43472455boooringgg all bi men need to become more gay and have that nice sweaty passionate sex with other men so i can watch in the corner!!!!!
>>43472391fellow bi man1-that's fine. you don't have to act overtly flamboyant if you either don't want to or find it uncomfortable.. plenty of gays/bis are "trade", or straight looking/acting. maybe if you just want to gain more of that expression you could watch some gay media or smth.2-totally depends on the guy, and yeah some of the things they're into/fetishize could influence what would be the 'socially ideal option' .. but now hear this - if they don't like what you like about them, then you're both kind of on different wavelengths and it wouldn't work out in the end anyway - and that's fine, plenty of fish in da sea and there are many different niches.3-it would definitely help you find your niche if you had more understanding of what you do/don't like. there are definitely a lot of low quality people out there; don't expect yourself to have to make everyone happy, and above all that, protect and care for yourself first. really i just know i like a leaner, clean shaven guy. whether they're muscular or feminine or just scrawny, what matters most is if we're on an agreeable wavelength with similar interests.4-"total tops/bottoms" do exist, but they're pretty rare. most are verse to varying degrees and it's usually just a tendency or preference.5-nippleplay and all that still has it's place in the gay community, yeah. again it depends on the guy, a lot probably wouldn't find any stimulus out from it, but i don't imagine a whole lot of guys are particularly, adamantly against it especially if it seems you really enjoy that.
>>43472760Thank you so much for your reply. It feels good to know that it is ok for me to like a characteristic they may not prefer. And I am glad I don't have to put on an act, I really believed I would be seen negatively for not being gay enough. I still need to figure out a way to communicate intentions better. I feel like I come across as a friend. Can you share some gay media or tips? Maybe think of it in a more autistic perspective; how do you communicate?Not knowing my niche sucks. I really need to get rid of my fears and shame so I can properly parse out my feelings and feel confident going out with a guy.(Feels like if people know it's a gay date it becomes a lil treat for onlookers). Crazy to think I could live all my life without addressing it if I wanted to.One thing I feel guilty about is idk if I can grow old with a man as my partner. I fear old age will highlight what I don't like. That isn't fair to them.I am going out with a cute boy on a second date on the 6th. Idk what he finds interesting in me and that makes it difficult to know what to show more to him. He found me interesting enough to hang out on discord twice and talk about a second date himself. Idk. This gay stuff feels so complicated even when it is very direct. Hopefully a relationship of any lenght fixes some of my emotional turmoil.
>>43472391From one bi guy to another, I really appreciate this post haha. I relate to a lot of your pressure points. I don't have much to say, considering I am likely less experienced than you and in a worse mental state regarding sexuality. That's all. Just know you're far from alone in your psychosexual autism.
>>43472391I love having my nipples licked while fucking. Learn to just let yourself do what you want without the hang ups and you'll be fine someday.
>>43472936well.. do you flirt at all? kind of like how you might banter with friends, except.. people who are 'just friends' don't flirt. does that make any sense? also when it comes to media idk i feel like a lot of movies/shows are personal choice, but also one thing that comes to mind as far as shedding light on trade representation and feeling comfortable not having to mold yourself into a stereotype is unironically those jubilee type odd one out videos where they have a group try to find the gay guy and so on.it sounds like part of your fears is assuming the public's perception of you and assuming they not only are focusing on (you) but are making judgements as well. i guess the question is, even if that had any truth to it, how much does it really matter?i feel like growing old with someone is a privilege, there's no guarantee any of us will make it that far. if we happen to be together with someone for 30 years, there's a pretty good chance we've learned to not only accept their flaws as a person, but that this is just our state of being all those years down the road.
>>43472391As a bi guy who has dated women but had ongoing fwbs with guys before too:1. You don't need to look or act gay. Women and straight men can't tell I'm into guys at all IME, I've had people not believe I'm bi even after I told them. But bi men and gay men seem to be able to tell because I check out men lol2. Depends on the guy. You can be honest. I like guys complimenting my butt but I won't be really offput by anything else lol3. You don't need to pretend to like guys you're not into. You seem to be into the guy you're seeing for a second date and that's all that matters here.4. Tops and bottoms can be a real thing. It can also vary based on partner. There are some guys I only wanna top with, only wanna bottom with, or both.5. I love having my nipples licked personally. I have orgasmed just from long nipple sessions followed by a single stroke of my dick at the end.But the question about missing boobs overall is an important one. It's one of the reasons why I would not be able to give up women and have kept it to FWBs with men in the past.>>43473142As another autist, I actually like the gay scene because you can discuss all of your expectations explicitly ahead of time.
