How stupid is it to not be sure im trans or want to be female and be anxious about HRT effects.But also being quite sure my life would be better if i was AFAB or just trooned out way sooner/somehow gone thru female puberty or just got a girl childhood.Like im not sure if id be better of as a woman right now. But it absolutely feels like i missed out on having a girlhood and that that ripped a huge hole in my personality.But maybe im also just thinking of a rosy all is great childhood when id just have an average one again. Altho i also never desire a happy boyhood, like ig itd be better too but thinking about growing up as a girl rips at my hearstrings in a real special way.
>>43472914Look at hrt effects. Don't think "am I trans or faking it", objectively think about this list and think "do I want these effects or not"Good list to use:https://www.folxhealth.com/library/what-physical-changes-to-expect-on-estrogen-hormone-replacement-therapy-explained-by-folx
>>43472929All of this sounds great basically except being unsure about breast growth.But also im already 7mo on HRT so i experienced all of these already and im still unsure lol. Sometimes im extremely anxious that i will hate/hate having tits. Then other times i love that i have something there already. And all the other stuff is just positive and nothing else.But much more importantly: Not the point of the post for once actually.
>>43472985We all wish we could have grown up as girls. But you can't have that.We should set up some kinda boarding school larp resort arrangement only for tgirls to, like, relive our childhood the way we always should have
>>43473609Idk i genuinely feel like its worse than that for me. Idk if i want to be a woman right now, but im somewhat certain my life would have been better if i was always one to begin with.Idk maybe partially its just because it seems too hard and scary to do. And just getting womanhood "for free" cuz it was always & innately expected of me without ever having to assert it myself seems so much easier.But part of me also thinks this might mean is shouldn't transition since i would also want to be a woman still if i was actually trans. But then again do i actually not or does it just seem too hard now. Idk sorry for the rambling.But yeah the boarding school is about the best i could hope for ig. Theres prob lots of fukin smut and ao3 fanfic shit written in settings like that already if you look deep enough i bet lol.
>>43472914>But also being quite sure my life would be better if i was AFAByeah thats kinda how life goes. men are the most oppressed group in our society
>>43473983Thats not why tho lol. Mostly i think cuz if i was AFAB it'd be highly unlikely id decide to transition ftm. Maybe id be a theyfab or sth but its v. unlikely id end up taking T i think.Also theres a chance id just like like myself more and be happier with myself idk, not entirely sure.
>>43472985Oh hey it's you again. One thing to consider is that you can just get a keyhole mastectomy to prevent breast growth if that's really important to you. Sometimes I think I might have been better off if I did that. But also other times I try and boobmax so I'm just insane.
>>43474217Nta but the thought of permanently destroying my breasts is horrifying, even if they’re a pain in the ass and make this whole thing so much more difficult
>>43474226Then keep on trucking
>>43474217Yup its me lol, at least if u are thinking about the anon posting about being worried about breast growth like 3-4 days ago. I hate that im back to daily worrying about it :c. I was doing better for a week or two recently but now its back to this...Btw if u are thinking of that person then idk if we talked before like 6mo ago and u might have been thinking of someone else.I only really started worrying about breast growth like 5 months ago and only started posting about it on here like maybe 3 months ago.> One thing to consider is that you can just get a keyhole mastectomy to prevent breast growth if that's really important to you.Maybe, i thought about it, but im not even sure if its that important to me. The worst part is that i constantly flip-flop between sometimes being extremely anxious/scared i might be making an incredibly hard to correct mistake by taking E and growing boobs. To then other times being just extremely happy with how my body looks more female now (including my current breast growth lol).Plus surgery is scary + finding funding for it + having to organize it all sounds like too much of a pain. Also theres still a chance ill just be fine with them in the end (or even like them), so ig it doesnt make too much sense to worry about it until im actually kinda certain i dont want them. Still scared tho since iirc keyhole only really works on small breasts, so im also sometimes worried ill take too long to decide on it and grow out of the range that is small/early enough for keyhole :c.> Sometimes I think I might have been better off if I did that. But also other times I try and boobmax so I'm just insane.Yeah relatable, like i said sometimes they worry me extremely, and then other times im in front of the mirror, taking pictures and sobbing because im so happy my breasts make my torso look more female/feminine...
>>43474226im not that extreme but kinda similar ig. Like, id have to be certain id never want breasts again, and idk if that'll ever be the case lol.Plus when i think about stopping HRT, part of me (probably correctly) suspects that the fact that breast growth is permanent wouldnt be as bad for me then as i am imagining.Like im thinking if, for some reason, i stopped HRT permanently. I might just end up being happy i still had small boobs bc it means id be "not quite male" and "a bit female" in a tangible way still.
>>43472985>All of this sounds great basically except being unsure about breast growth.that was/is me except the second it started i pretty much became ok with it. i still want them to stay pretty small but everytime something changes im happy with it. first big one besides obvious sensitivity and swelling was noticing they jiggle if i do a hop in the mirror. second was noticing my elbows hit them when im washing my face. its very.. what do they say... affirming. i just really dont want the attention from others associated w it. >>43474888>growth is permanenti dont think its entirely true theres really mixed anecdotes. afiact the only really permanent thing is nipple/arealoa growth and maybe a little tissue but most of the mass tissue reverses on quitting?
>>43476361> that was/is me except the second it started i pretty much became ok with it.Aww that sounds nice, im happy for you. Unfortunately for me im still unsure, sometimes im very happy about them, other times i get anxious.> i still want them to stay pretty smallSame maybe my bigger fear is less having boobs at all but having big ones, id prefer small ones with a good shape.> first big one was noticing they jiggle. second was noticing my elbows hit them. its very.. what do they say... affirming.Yeah the jiggle also sometimes makes me happy lol. That and stuff like seeing how they feminize my upper body shape under clothes and when naked n stuff. Esp when i angle my body so they look more rounded out than they actually are lol. Or noticing that they cast small shadows now was nice too.Or just generally looking down at them in like the shower or sth and being a lot happier with what i look like now (due to less body hair + smoother skin feeling + different skin complexion + boobs (obv) + hips look larger from that POV). Altho i think it also lead to me disliking my genitals even more, cuz now they look even more out of place.Like a couple of times when i saw myself in the mirror and how they slightly dented out my hoodie, and how my face looked more fem. And it reminded me of some girl i went to school with that (in hindsight) i think i was kinda envious of in a "gender envy" way. So that was nice.Idk if id call it affirming tho, i just know it makes me happy sometimes, and occassionaly extremely happy.The elbow thing is actually one of the occasions where im more uncertain/scared about them. Mayb because my biggest concern is that somehow i "cant deal" with them, like that my brain will just refuse to get used to them as something normal and ill develop dysphoria about it. So stuff like that where they get kinda in the way of somewhat common movements/actions makes me more concerned somehow.
>>43476361(cont. from >>43476510)> i just really dont want the attention from others associated w it.Yeah that is one of the bigger things for me too. Tho id like to think i could deal with it if i was personally fine with them, so my concern of like "what if i/my brain just cant deal with them being there" still supersedes it.But yeah its still a big secondary concern. Id prob be a lot less scared about it too if (somehow) it was completely invisible in public but i still got to be happier with myself due to having them while alone.> i dont think its entirely true theres really mixed anecdotesReally? I mean im ngl i didnt *really* look it up but like, why dont trans guys boobs shrink on HRT then lol. Like i can see mayb a bit of it reversing from like fat distribution, but like not all of it is just fat right?
>>43476510>>43476361makes me happy to see u two enjoying hrt
>>43472985you can also try fucking around with raloxifine/tamoxifen/other weird serms to try and reduce breast growth but results are inconsistent
>>43477809Yeah I (>>43476510) had reactions like that once or twice before when i described my happier episodes lol.Sucks that my enjoyment never seems to last and i go straight back to being anxious im doing the wrong thing. Eventho apparently HRT also does make me sometimes feel a lot better about how i look.
take your pills, alice
>>43477865I thought about that but idk if i can be bothered. Like i was already too scared to do DIY in the first place so id have to get over that to even get them lol (i assume any normal endo wouldnt just prescribe those + idek if they are readily available at pharmacies).Might look into it eventually tho, but first order of business for me is to prob pause for a bit and see how i feel with that.> but results are inconsistentDo you have any more info off the top of your head on that? I have heard similar stuff but not looked into it properly yet. Like are they just shit at their job (reducing breast growth) and might yield almost no benefit there. Or is it because of undesirable side effects? (or some combination of both?)
>>43478517not available otc, you've gotta go gray market. although they seem pretty cheap from what i saw the last time i looked for them (luckily, if you've got breast cancer :U)all i know is anecdotal reports from hrt femboys that they got breast buds and a teensy bit of growth on ralox, no noted side effects. but they were on ralox from the start, so idk what'll happen if you take it after already starting hrt
