>>43486167
why? what did it feel like growing up with that kind of fantasy?
do you recognise/feel as if it makes you more vulnerable to exploitation and abuse?

>>43486177
t. cis dude, 19

I got cornered by a guy while I was trying to back out of a hookup and ended up having to suck him off. He laughed came in my mouth even though he said he wouldn't then pawed at my cock for a bit. It was pretty unpleasant.
Gross adults messaged me a lot when I was a kid (literally 20 years ago now)and a lot of them got nudes, some of them got posted on /b/.
There was a guy who used to feel me up at work. I just laughed it off.
When I reflect on life I think I must be making this shit up because how likely it is that stuff like this would keep happening to one person

Close enough, welcome back /confess/

I wish my girlfriend was cis

>>43486188
I am genually so sorry

I actually liked the Napoleon movie

>>43486177
>what did it feel like growing up with that kind of fantasy?
Honestly It sucks, cant look at any guy without having the thought of the what if he'd rape me.. also it sucks with the dating cause I'll always crave more then the actual healthy relationship should be.
And in more I mean more intimacy and just rougher acts ig, I'm really into degrading my partners which many have expressed that it isnt really their thing..

>do you recognise/feel as if it makes you more vulnerable to exploitation and abuse?
Yes maybe, not sure.
Maybe?? Idk lol
I guess yes but in many ways no.
Cause even though its a fantasy I crave, I am still mature enough to understand that it is indeed just a fetish.
I do not want to actually get raped yk.

>>43486239
Ty anon. C'est la vie

>>43486188
i'm sorry for you, i really cannot imagine how either of those things must have fucked with your psyche. i can relate to that feeling of 'what if i'm exaggerating/making this up'
are you able to hold relationships with people now? have you wanted them more/less since everything happened?

okay,,, my biggest secret is KILL RAPE ALL FAGGOTS KILL EVERYONE ESTABLISH FOURTH RECI HKILL EVERYONE NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS

>>43486312
> cant look at any guy without having the thought of the what if he'd rape me
do you still find yourself attracted to guys? did it ever make you question who/why you were attracted to people?

I have a pretty decent social life but always get pressured by my friends and family on why ive never had a partner, I havent told them its because i am genuinely terrified of intimacy, the one time I slept with someone I couldn't stop shaking I genuinely felt like I was going to die, but recieving affection is worse, I like caring for people but the idea of that being reciprocated leaves me a mess I just completely shut down and have the worst panic attacks imaginable, i just cant comprehend being romantically loved unrequitedly, why someone could ever like someone as unsightly, useless and rotten as me and I cant stand to let anyone do that to themselves, so the few chances I have had I pushed them away or else I couldn't live with myself, ive only ever told one of the people I broke things off with and watered down to be palatable at that, Im working on myself but dont know if ill ever be able to let myself be loved

>>43486340
I'm actually super clingy and rush into things. I married the first woman who paid me any attention and since we divorced had a couple of disastrous flings. Fucked around a *lot* when I was single. I have a boyfriend now and I'm trying to be cool about it. I'm honestly terrified of being alone

>>43486357
Yes I'm still very attracted to guys, and yeah ig it has made me question who I'm attracted to. I think in the end of the day I just have a very fucked perlective in sex, have to work with myself mentally desu

Do you yourself have a secret you'd like to share?

>>43486365
what does 'being alone' mean to you? why does it scare you?
it scares me because it feels like i'm out of control of my own body and soul, like a parasite is slowly digging its way through my conscience, forcing me to act and feel in ways that i end up feeling disgusted with either.
spoken as someone who has spent much longer alone than with a partner. in practice i just become deeply paranoid and dissociative.

>>43486281
Is this an unpopular opinion? Thought it was good aswell

>>43486167
i'm into diapers, as in with me as the one wearing them
>t. chaser

im khhv at 25

>>43486388
That sounds terrifying.
I guess by alone I mean lacking someone who I can expect to see. When I'm on my I tend to drink and obsess over stuff that's happened and that used to lead to a lot of dumb harmful behaviour. There nothing lamer than a guy in his 30s huffing solvents
When I'm with my guy I don't obsess over my own shit and I just want to make him feel happy

>>43486385
i was a chaser back when i was 16 and had no idea how to talk to women (trans or otherwise) so i would just talk about sex and drive away any youngshit with the displeasure of coming in contact with me
i feel like an abuser even when older, much more abusive (especially physically) chasers get away with it and are encouraged for what they do. it just doesn't sit right with me and what my idea of a man is. and i can't go a day without thinking about the stupid shit i did, even if i was 'just a kid' or 'didn't know any better'.

>>43486447
May I ask how old you are now? And how have you changed since?

i grew up religious and my parents and religious school always made me feel like sexual things were so wrong in every way, i was made to think dating without marriage as the goal was morally wrong so i rejected girls who asked me out in middle school like an idiot. And i never had sex ed from my school or parents so i just suppressed ever being open about it, and i only looked at smut and just felt my dick get hard and make me feel fuzzy and nice and didnt do anything with it since i didnt know what orgasms were.
i felt like a freak for it, i didnt masturbate until i was 15 and i came on accident by touching it in the dark, i didnt even really know what happened i had to ask a friend what it was.
im a virgin and i havent been on a date or been in a relationship and im 21 and i just get so much anxiety and embarassment over it, i dont think im ugly but i just feel so inexperienced and scared over it
i wish i grew up normal

>>43486499
19 now
one way or another i remind myself of the way i was when i was younger and what i was putting my friends/other women through
in some fucked ways, it helps being the victim of the same actions (was SA'd by someone who got away with it and my friends blamed me instead) because it gave me a first-hand perspective of the kind of pain i was inflicting onto others
i also force myself away from starting/trying to start relationships anyway, again partly out of disgust with myself, in an almost dysphoric sense

>>43486508
OP here.
You are still young anon, take your time and make sure to loose ur virginity to someone you really like.
I also grew up with a very religous family that were very against evreything sexual. I guess that made me even more curious and it ended up with me being exposed to porn way to early in my life (probably why I have my rape fantasies)

>I wish I grew up normal
Sorry anon.

>>43486508
I was a virgin til I was nearly 23
It'll seem like nbd one day

>>43486523
I really dont wanna sound wierd but I wish I knew you back then
(OP here)
Feel like youd satisfy my fantasies to the maximum.

Either way I'ts good that you changed and out grew the way you were.
Also sorry about your friends blaming you over your SA, been there too.

/Therapygen/

>>43486588
>I wish I knew you back then
lmao thanks. we both grew up though, whether 'better' or 'worse' we both grew up and matured in our own ways and will continue to mature.
in a way i'm grateful to those friends of mine, for various reasons but especially in that they showed me what i was like to other people, and instilled enough fear and disgust and contempt in me to look back on how i was acting towards other people in the first place. they fucked me over quite hard but i wouldn't have developed if it weren't for them. i just hope they learn from what they did too, but i doubt it.

>>43486556
>you are still young anon
thank you i try my best to think of it that way
>to someone you really like
i will try, that is my dream. ive thought about like going to a bar or something but no i want to meet someone i actually like and have things in common with
>sorry anon
thank you its just nice to hear someone care since its hard to bring this up in most places
>>43486562
>itll seem like nbd one day
i hope so, i feel like ill stop caring after it happens, ive heard that from some people

its just lonely though ive noticed since around 18 most of my friends started talking way less and just hanging out with their SOs, it makes me lonely i really want one too. it makes me wanna rep from being trans because theres more potential women available if i present as a guy

my dream above everything is just to be in a relationship and feel loved and get married someday so i hope that experiencing this makes it feel better once it happens, i feel like ill be the happiest person in the world

I really just wish I'd had an opportunity to grow up "normal" desu

Upside of being a virgin a little longer is if you don't just go out and lose it to lose it, it can be a very sweet moment

>>43486167
i wont date non white men because i am subconsciously racist and also would be embarrassed to date a non white person. even though i know its wrong and even though i do find some not white men very attractive i just cant get over it. i can feel the attraction but its buried under a lot of shame. its been keeping me from starting dating entirely because i feel that if i cant get over being seen in public holding hands with a black guy then i cant expect anyone to get over being seen holding hands with someone like me. it probably has a lot to do with my upbringing, being in the b trap threads for years with the endless bnwo vs bws wars and my all white friends being racist too.

i also cant tell if i love sex or am just in it for the aftercare because its like the guy loves me for a little bit.

t. ranny boymoder midshit

>>43486710
You seem consciously racist

>>43486618
Its somewhat wholesome that you view it all In such a positive way. Your cool anon. :)
Thank you for sharing your story with me.

>>43486722
yeah, subconscious probably wasnt the right word. i do have a lot of racial bias and it doesnt stay under the surface. but i keep it inside. i dont let it affect how i treat people which is why im avoiding dating entirely. because if i turn down everyone then im dont treat people differently in that context. every other context i have snap judgements.
>this person i have to call at work has a hood sounding name, wow this is gonns be rough
but i catch it and treat them the same as best as i can, and the majority of black or otherwise not white people i talk to are fucking lovely. most of the time its white people who give me the most shit. but my mind refuses to learn.

>>43486710
You are so real for this, I only find white guys to be marriage material.
You are not alone WE DESSERVE ARYAN MEN

>>43486751
i appreciate your sincerity too :^)

I think I only want to be a girl for escapist reasons

I'm desperate to be needed. I will do anything to be needed. For my whole life, all I have wanted is to be needed. I was engaged to this woman, we were together for three years. She did all sorts of things. She was a known pedo, and I didn't even find that out until afterwards. And I burnt down my whole life, destroyed my whole personality, just because she acted like she needed me. Nobody knows anything about the relationship because I skipped town to go pursue her. I'm not even sure I like guys, but I only really talk to guys now, because it feels like they won't fuck me over.

>>43486830
Guys can be pretty bad
t. raped fag

>>43486787
ewww
>I only find white guys to be marriage material
ive never met a wife material man im general. they never give a shit about me as a person, they just wanna see me naked.
>You are not alone WE DESSERVE ARYAN MEN
ughh you're literally the problem, ive literally had dudes on grinder call me aryan and its the grossest shit in the world. fuck u weirdo

>>43486839
Yeah that's true, it's more about the fact they're really easy to read. Also big money advice is "Don't get involved with music people"

>>43486884
Do you have any attraction to men?

>>43486944
Hell, I don't even know myself

>>43486956
Well, good luck anon. Do you know how you're going to find out? Just hook up once or something?

>>43486992
I've tried hooking up with guys before. I don't really like sex with girls unless I really like them in particular, it's probably the same way with guys, idk

>>43487009
Well I hope you find whatever makes you happy.

>>43487018
Thanks brosephus, you too

This seems like a good place to say something that I would absolutely take into the grave with me otherwise. Okay:
My transition started as a slippery slope in my teens, when I would start to watch anal videos while playing with my butt and listening to all kinds of hypnosis videos. From "feminizing your body" to "can't get hard" and "you always feel like your butt is filled by something", I listened to all kinds of dumbass audios and fell into a deep hole. It led to me identifying as a femboy, chatting with adult men online and being groomed into sissy and harcore bdsm stuff. Luckily, I never did anything in person, but I discussed horrible stuff online. Late at night I'd lie in bed and fantasize about getting kidnapped and forced to wear feminine clothing and perform sex acts. I crossdressed in secret, because I was scared of my family abandoning and disowning me.

Nowadays I am an upstanding little passoid with a boyfriend, a job and I'm getting a degree. I transitioned way later than I should have, I think all that time I was chatting with men online I was hoping to meet someone who would feminize me. Someone who would genuinely explain makeup and women's fashion to me. That's probably why I keep trying to help other trans women with those sorts of things now, because I wish I could be there for them as I needed it back then.

Wow that was a lot

>>43487045
Good on you anon, I did alot of the same growing up, and havent been able to be myself outwardly until the past 6 months since I never got to develop normally, and now im finally free my head is kind of everywhere im experimenting with hrt and not really sure what I am, but I hope I can have stuff put together like you someday

>>43487045
lol i did the hypnosis thing as a kid too, or the binaural audio to make you grow boobs thing. the physical ones didn’t work baka! the mental ones, who knows…

>>43487250
It's just so embarrassing to admit, because it’s so frowned upon. And I HATE that sissy shit nowadays, god it is so gross and misogynistic! I'm pretty sure that I am genuinely trans as I have severe gender dysphoria and I am happier than ever nowadays, but it’s sooooo shameful to have started it all because of THAT. I feel like if anyone irl knew that about me I would just die. It takes away all my dignity

I still listen to erotic audio sometimes though and it arouses me way too much. I tried all kinds of fuckery like binaural, subliminal and other mk ultra stuff too