Before Estrogen:> Sometimes got envious of women/girls> Sometimes got envious of transition timelines> Dont like anything that T does & wish i didnt go through male puberty> Would probably prefer looking/being perceived as a girl> Think that i might like myself more if i was a girl> Might like what E does, not entirely sure about breast growth but mostly unconcerned about it> Want to just finally give it a try to help me become certain after 5+ years of being unsure if im trans or notHalf a year after starting:> Only very rarely get envious of (cis or trans) women anymore> Not sure anymore if i prefer being female. Mostly just think id feel shit no matter what/it doesnt matter> Kinda like what i look like for the first time ever, so it does seem i like what E does. But now im extremely concerned about breast growth, constantly switch between loving it and dreading it.> Pretty certain ill just hate myself forever no matter if male or female> Still uncertain whether im trans or not/whether i want to keep taking E or notThis is bullshit. The only thing i desire in my life is certainty and to be finally done thinking about this tranny shit. Id be happy knowing i was cis for sure and should just detrans, but im not. Id also be happy knowing im trans for sure and should just keep trooning out (even if it sucks), but im not.Meanwhile my entire drive about trying this shit in the first place lowkey vanished. Now i have no idea whether i should just quit, and potentially regret not sticking to it, or keep going, and potentially regret growing tits.
think there's something to reduce breast growth, idr what it is something with a "D" I think
>>43493391I was entirely wrong it's "raloxifene" I was thinking ofAnyway what's the problem with breasts? Do you just want the option to never change anything while living under the illusion that you're technically doing something to change everything? Cause the anxiety of being called out in public by weirdos for having breasts is probably not as bad as being disgusted by how your body will develop
>>43493360I'd say keep going until it's obvious. Test is one hell of a drug so if you end up detransing all you'll really need is to handle the tits. Even after years a fertility can come back.In life we rarely deeply regret trying. We regret not trying.
>>43493407>Do you just want the option to never change anything while living under the illusion that you're technically doing something to change everything?Maybe the other way around, i want to be able to have the illusion that nothing is changing while i am changing i think.But thats not it and also idk what my problem with breasts is lol. Also technically i didnt wanna post about that cuz ive done it a million times already at this point lol. But ig it is kinda my only hangup about E.I think its a weird thing where like, i feel like if i was actually trans id be supper happy about breasts, and instead im a bit worried. Like, what if i wont like them? What if they will look bad? What if they become uncomfortable? What if i cant get used to having them on my body? Im not convinced i will love them, so arent the chances im currently in the process of giving myself gender dysphoria about them pretty high?This is of course complicated because on the other hand, every few days or so, i just really like what i already have lol. Like occassionally i get super happy and excited about how my current (minor) breast growth makes my chest looks more fem & gives me curves. Or how they make wearing sports bras look better now. Or i just randomly notice that shirts and hoodies lie slightly differently on my chest now and i like that.But then other times i notice those things and get anxious about them. But idk if its because im actually like dysphoria-like scared of them. Or if its just because im scared i might eventually be, even though there is no reason to currently suspect that will be the case.Idk its just annoying, i yearn for certainty, and instead i get this weird back and forth shit -_-.
>>43493428> In life we rarely deeply regret trying. We regret not trying.I agree with that, like i dont think i will regret having started E. Not at all, it genuinely did help to at least know what it *actually* feels like. Even if it just made me more confused, at least i know now.But i do think i will eventually regret trying this long. Like 3 months or so, yeah that qualifies as trying, but 6+?> Test is one hell of a drug so if you end up detransing all you'll really need is to handle the tits.Yeah and i kinda hate that, bc all the effects besides tits i mostly just like without any caveats basically. Hell i even kinda like the atrophy.Also surgery just sounds scary :C and idk if i could manage to like get thru all that paperwork and shit to set it up lol.> I'd say keep going until it's obvious.I wanna say its obvious already, but i honestly have no idea. I might just think that cuz i can see it in full detail/know whats happening but idk.Like ik i already thought it was obvious like 2-3 months ago, and now looking back at the pics i took then where i was super happy with my tits and tried to exegerrate them. Im like "wtf are u doing there is basically nothing there" lol. But back then i already thought it was kinda obvious like under clothes n stuff.
>>43493360>Guys, I took my medicine and suddenly my wish to take the medicine disappeared??>What's going on? Why did the reason I took it disappear what happened?Are you a little baby with no object permanence?
>>43493610Idgi, what are u trying to say
>>43493749It's very very common for people taking medications to stop taking them once they start working. Taking antidepressants = not depressed anymore = "wow I don't need these antidepressants now!" = depressed again. Same thing happens with antibiotics, bipolar medication, antipsychotics, hell even painkillers.
>>43493757Sure ig, but idek if its helping. I wasnt and am still not sure if im trans, i wasnt and am still not sure if i have or had dysphoria etc. etc. etc.Like ur comment >>43493610 only makes sense if im like "obviously" trans and "obviously" feeling better now on Estrogen. But that isnt certain yet at all.
>>43493360>The only thing i desire in my life is certaintyZero people in the world have full certainty about most things. What you desire is impossible.You can only get "good enough" and trade-offs. Certainty is not for this world and not for our biology as humans.
>>43494516Do you have disc? I’ve been following your posts, also been on E for a while but have no idea wtf is going on in my head or what I should be doing
>>43494570I should stop being surprised from being recognized given how much i post on here but it still never stops lol.Yeah i do have discord but im a lil spooked to share it lol. Id be happy to chat there tho if u are less scared to do the same.Altho i cant really say ill be helpful at all, i think the most that is likely to come of it is some commiseration and maybe sharing notes lol.
>>43494540Yeah but im not even capable of being sure whether i reached "good enough" yet in either direction (detrans or keep taking my pills).
>>43493462just heads up you can end up trying and then turns out transition didnt make you happy as you thought it would be and now you are a man again just now with tits.
>>43495260Not op, but I both fear and am certain this will happen to me. I know I will only ever reach the conclusion that transition wasn't right for me. Despite that, I can't help but continue to inject myself with estrogen, simply because I refuse to accept the truth I already know. It's grim. I'm just running away
>>43495260Is this supposed to reassure me? Cuz mostly that is exactly the kind of outcome im scared of
