What am I supposed to do if I realized that I don't actually want to be a woman at all and that I'll only ever feel normal as a man, but I'm also severely repulsed by actually being a man?
>>43494825bump
>>43494825yeah idk what to do, i took hrt and i hate the effects of it, but i also hate what testosterone did to me. im just mentally ill.
>>43495757I hate the effects of hrt too, but not really because I hate the effects themselves, but much rather because it just feels completely wrong knowing that I'm changing in a way I was never supposed to. I can barely bear the disgust of knowing that I'm just a man with a woman's skin. It (obviously) makes me feel like a complete skinwalker, and not without reason.I definitely do hate testosterone though. I don't hate the benefits of being a man, but I have always hated feeling like one. I've always hated being reminded of my own nature
>>43495757same lol. I just call it "being dysphoric without being trans"
all i ever wanted was to not masculinise, i never wanted to be a woman. i just didnt want to be a hairy disgusting bald ogre when inside i am sensitive and want to feel pretty. i dont want to skinwalk women and grow boobs and have a weird tranny body. but everyone told me that what im experiencing is dysphoria and ill eventually accept it and like it. when is that supposed to happen?
>>43496217I never cared about my body masculinizing because I never considered anything else to be possible. I never wanted to be hairy or bald either, but I also never really wanted to physically exist in total
why don't you want to be a womanwhy do you think being a woman won't feel normal
>>43496217do you think if you felt that transition was not skinwalking, and instead was just being a woman, you would feel this way? serious question because im curious as to how much of this is just shame relating to your perception of what transition is
>>43497593Perhaps, i see it more like being a woman is the other side of the coin and it comes with its own issues and problems that I currently dont have to deal with. If I was a woman I wouldnt be me anymore.I see myself as pretty much incontrovertibly male, my personality is male, my appearance is male. I feel very strongly I am not really like a woman in my core and my body reflects that. So there is shame of seeming to want something that is completely unlike how I really am. While being unable to accept it and getting stuck in a loop. If I could just be a male that actually looks feminine then I wouldnt transition.
>>43497662literally meeee like exactly
>>43497662>>43497680i will not act like living as a woman doesn't effect lots of things about your life, and how those things then impact how you understand yourself. even getting there is hard in as much as it can cost you a lot of relationships, money, sanity, safety. at the same time 'you' remain lol, its not like you become some alternate female version of yourself. in fact my experience of passing was that i was the same person i ever was, which can be confusing if you're imagining its some big dramatic new-you. experiencing misogyny sucks and it is for sure harder but also i think the world can be a lot warmer when you live as a woman. at least for me the reduction in dysphoria also allowed me to stop this perpetual background suffering that prevented me from living fully. it allowed me to grow a lot. i am not 'the other side of a coin', im just a version of myself that is happier and has new life experiences that i enjoy. i did not understand what my womanhood looked like until i lived it too, i wouldn't say i felt 'incontrovertibly male' before but it was only once i got here that i knew what it meant to be female. i would describe it as being like a boy who grew into being a woman - a boy probably only has a vague idea of what sort of man he'd be right? well it was the same just a different direction. you only know once you grow into it
>>43497582>why don't you want to be a womanBecause I am not one and cannot be one even if I wanted. Being a woman just doesn't give me any joy, and if anything only brings me pain, because I'm holding myself up to standards and expectations obviously not meant for me. >why do you think being a woman won't feel normalAgain, because I am not one. Even if I would perfectly pass, I still couldn't ever be a woman because I completely lack any internal and intrinsic womanhood
>>43497593>do you think if you felt that transition was not skinwalking, and instead was just being a woman, you would feel this way?That's actually a very interesting question. To be honest, I don't know how I would feel then, but I also think I would've been a completely different person.Even if a perfect switch between the sexes were possible, I think I would most likely still feel like a complete skinwalker no matter what. After all, I'd still be aware of my past, and all of my inner workings that just aren't similar to those of a woman in the slightest
bunp
>>43497729its weird because i look at my trans friends and i kinda see how they fully embrace and live vivaciously as women, they make jokes about secretly being agp and being perverted boys sometimes and its funny. they live more fully as women because they kinda embraced what they are and let it go at the same time so they really do feel to be women. i think my goal really is to do that, to accept my inherent maleness so i can be fully myself. as a woman or whatever, it doesnt really matter. i know what i really want is that feeling of being alive, of not holding anything back with people. i just wanna be like here i am! maybe i wont pass, maybe ill be a bit weird, maybe ill act like a guy. but that feeling of really letting everything go is what im aiming at i think. i cant be anything other than what i am.
>>43498900I wish I weren't me
>>43494825Clown-mode
>>43497729Too bad not everyone can pass
>>43494825last bump
>>43494825stop thinking, start living, adjust as necessaryor something
>>43504653Would be easier if anything could manage to make me feel alive
>>43494825Reject transgenderism, embrace transquility.
>>43506834long distance running is the simplest cop-out for that, it's what were built to do and boy does it feel good to do it
>>43494825bro just get fucking jackedwhat the fuck is up with you people (I'm here from /pol/)love yourself bro, step one is lifting weights and making cool shit for fun
>>43507003I already am jacked. It doesn't help
>>43506907What's that?
>>43494825real tbhonidk I just try and make the best of itI think it's just the curse of being a tranny
