>be me, cis gay guy>was molested by a family friend as a little kid>when I hit puberty, start having intrusive sexual thoughts about sex with little boys>absolutely horrified by the thoughts, and by the idea of hurting someone the way I was hurt as a child>don't tell a soul because I know they'd see me as a monster the way I see myself>fast forward to me being in college>have a trans roommate>she's telling me about her hrt and how she takes estrogen and anti-androgens>I've done a lot of obsessive research on pedophiles and I know some people have tried suppressing their testosterone to chemically castrate and "cure" them>one night I have a pedo dream and I wake up horrified by myself, hyperventilating and sweating>I need to fix myself>take some of her anti-androgens because I want to be purified of my sin>do this a couple more times>a week or two later, she tells me we need to talk>she asks me if I've been taking her pills>I don't say anything but the look on my face is guilty as hell>she hugs me and tells me she wishes I'd come to her sooner>says I'm going to make a very pretty girl>gives me a vial of estradiol and some needles>she's been asking me what I want my "girl name" to bewhat the fuck do I do? I can't tell her the truth for obvious reasons but I don't want to be a woman and start growing tits either.
if you listen carefully you can HEAR op furiously masturbating as he obsessively rereads his own post over and over again
>>43522454>society has demonized innocent people with normal thoughts to the point they're trooning themselves out for no reasonif this is real then your only way out is to come up with some shit like "i'm not sure if hrt is right for me actually"also why the fuck would you steal someone's pills? are you retarded? how did you think she wouldn't notice?
Go to therapy bruv
>>43522595unless you can find a psychiatrist experienced with pedophilia, this is generally a iffy idea, most therapists are retarded and will ruin your life(which ironically often increases the risk of offending) if you bring something like this up>
Cultivate auto-pedophilia, troon out and cut off your cock unironically might be a decent way to deal with this. Other people have been successful at this.
>>43522454Due to the legal systems lack of respect for the sexual agency of underage people, the usage of the word “molest” when used in relation to minors tells me nothing of moral value. A minor can say yes to it, and it can still be labeled as “child molestation”. Care to use some language that is nuanced? Sexual bonding is just like any other bonding, if the young person says yes to it, it’s morally neutral.
might as well transition at this point. It won't fix you though
>>43522454there are much better medications that you can take to suppress sexual thoughts. certain SSRIs are very good for this
>>43522454You probably have fucking OCD and intrusive thoughts about being as bad as the person who hurt you as a child. Like the other post said, go to fucking therapy and stop self medicating
>>43522454Nobody takes anti-androgens unless they want to troon out. You're inventing some big elaborate reason because you don't want to accept you're just another tranny.
>>43522454just get a twink bf and do (relatively) normal kinky ageplay shit. stop the aa's if you don't want erectile dysfunction, and tell your trans roommate you were just questioning and on the fence but ultimately not trans.
>>43523193Progestins won't really make you a female, but trve and pvre antiandrogens will
>>43522853I guess I have a naive view, but surely there's doctors who can recognize that someone like OP is clearly ruminating over attraction that is not true. POCD is a recognized disease.Seeing all of the replies are sad. Yeah, it's all bait, OP is larping, nothing is genuine, but damn. OP, you are not a pedophile and you can learn to overcome your obsessive thoughts that accuse you of being one.
>>43522480great thread
I deal with the same, it's OCD and questioning yourself, not an attraction. Go to therapy, or find some people online who wont judge you if you can. Open pedos/MAPs are a good choice if you can tolerate them, most of them never would want to do anything and just deal with such thoughts if thats a worry. Plenty of clearnet forums and such to find them. They can be very helpful and friendly to talk to. Even though its not really pedophilia, accepting that thought crimes aren't real, and that you're not some monster for having thoughts, will go a long way with helping. After you can find a safe place to talk about such matters and be accepted anyways, avoid the subject matter at all costs unless you need to vent or for reassurance or something, it's OCD after all. Thinking about it more makes it worse and makes you think about it more. As a form of OCD it is VERY curable in time, and I now only have occasional flareups of selfhating episodes, but otherwise the thought never passes my mind, and I know I'm not one. You can have that too. I also find more people than you would expect online are understanding about this sort of thing, but of course not everyone. I wish I could help you myself.You're going to get through this anon, I know it feels like the worst possible feeling and situation right now, like you'll make some big public mistake and your life will be over. You might even do some things your not proud of from the intrusive thoughts winning, and overreact thinking their proof of your ways. Hell, I even got pedo reputation around those who knew me, and managed to move past it and undo it as I cured myself. But its not proof of anything. It's fucking hard and you need to find a support network if not a therapist, but you can get through this, and it has very good odds of being cured for a mental illness.Good luck anon, hopefully it's an easier process for you than it was me. <3 I believe in you.
>>43522480Can't even blame OP. W thread
>>43523696Thanks anon.
>>43522454weird how that happenswhen I got diddled and repressed it and then entered puberty, all I dreamed about was submitting to older men and blowing their cocks
>>43522885Kill yourself immediately
