>>43524395
get a dog
problem solved

>>43524395
you are not alone trust me there are plenty who are like you

>>43524395
kind of the same. do you want to be better?

>>43524437
>>43524395
btw are you guys schizoid

>>43524395
Sometimes I feel like this too although maybe not quite this bad, sorry though fren <3

>>43524437
yes but i'm afraid theres little to salvage anymore
>>43524458
never been diagnosed but somethings definitely wrong with me

>>43524458
im not sure. its been a really long time since ive seen a doctor

>>43524512
i get it. and any sort of attempt at salvaging what little there may be is a process that will take years. idk. i still feel like i have to try

>>43524395
>probably will never get to be a woman now
if you dont want you could probably do something about that before 10 more years

>>43524395
wow are u me

desu we should all just kill ourselves.
there's literally nothing enjoyable anymore

>>43524395
lot of us out there anon but we are invisible, trapped in dark rooms. history will not look favorable on our time period. its the age of isolation.

how could it have been any different? even people without gender dysphoria end up like us. nobody is talking about us, there are a million people under 25 in my country who dont work or go to school.

we look for community and the options are come to a place like this full of depressed people or go to a place like twitter full of onlyfans trannies with a "fuck you got mine" mindset. theres no community anywhere.

i cannot help myself, i cant help you. we just cant blame ourselves, so much is out of our control. I would consider myself lucky if I managed to get a part time job in a world full of people telling me I should be doing so much to get ahead and have this and that and its all so tiresome, we need forgiveness.

>>43524458
im avoidant, i would be much better off if i was schizoid.

>>43524395
As long as you are alive you can change and grow

>>43525066
I prob have one of these, why is one preferable to the other?

>>43525090
schizoids dont suffer as much because they isolate due to not understanding/wanting to connect with people. avoidants isolate due to anxiety/inferiority and desperately want to connect to people but cant.

>>43525109
how can you stop seeking/caring about interactions?

as long as you haven't decided that these parts of your life are the only things that identify you, there's time. You have to want things to change on some level.
intellectualizing and justifying these responses are the ways most people commit themselves to living like this, deciding that they were right to respond this way. Thinking that the anxiety they've felt about living this way for another 40 years is no different from a cough or cold sore, something that just interrupts the "true" experiences they have like some kind of outside anomaly that snuck into their perfect emotional clean room. You committed to this pattern, on some level, because it seemed like it might solve one problem or another. Did it?

>>43525153
no. everything i've been ignoring for years is still right there, my dysphoria, my neuroses, my grief, my desire for a real life on my terms. anytime the wall of dissociation i've built breaks down i usually end up self harming, its gonna kill me someday if i don't take action, but i cant do it alone and who would want to help me at this point?

>>43525204
disc?

>>43525141
its a feature of the schizophrenia spectrum apparently, its why schizos become loners, well one of the reasons. i dont think it can be induced unless you have those traits, its normal to want to connect to others unfortunately for us.

>>43525153
> Thinking that the anxiety they've felt about living this way for another 40 years is no different from a cough or cold sore

Yes and it is easy to accidentally castrophize something that starts relatively minor, like being bullied in school, into something that leads to you being totally isolated as an adult. And you have to be careful and really try and not fall into those unhelpful patterns.

But at the same time, some people really do try their hardest, as much as you could expect a long suffering person to try. And fail to break the pattern over and over until they are exhausted.

The best thing is to not intellectualize it, normal people dont even think about it and thats probably the best strategy, if you end up broke and hating yourself, then so be it, you still have to apply for jobs today, smile at your friends, brush your teeth. over and over again, or you fall apart too soon.

>>43524395
same lmao

>>43525109
if i dont keep in regular contact with people reaching back out makes me feel like i'm gonna puke and/or die. days turn into weeks turn into months, all of a sudden i've ghosted them and ruined everything

>>43525444
ive done this so many times its so embarrassing

>>43524395
literally me
add on that i have adhd and probably bpd every day is a struggle not to kill myself

>>43525638
did you get diagnosed adhd as a kid or an adult?

6

>>43526714

>>43524395
I hate anyone who grew up with parents or any family they could rely on. Any parental figure at all to help navigate life. I did that shit on my own and became hyperindependent until last year I suddenly crashed and can't keep my shit together anymore. I'm 27 and people around me are either having kids or continuing to enjoy their twenties, good relationship with parents, whatever. I have so much resentment for the stability I was refused. I can't make my own anymore
Troon btw

>>43528187
i still ended up like this despite a supportive family

>>43528229
But did they teach you how to manage life? Or leave you on your own and laugh at you when you failed?

>>43528187
yup, my moms crazy and every male authority figure in my life who wasnt evil died before i was 16
>inb4 no strong father figure made u fagot
i'm 100% positive my dad would support me being a girl if he was alive

>>43528295
It's rly funny too bc all the male authority figures I had in my life were pieces of shit who also did not have father figures, also at least one of them is a closeted fag. Really makes you think

>>43525053
>theres no community anywhere
join rainbow gathering, dsa, start wwoofing, volunteering, dating. lots of ways to connect with people.

>>43528315
i have an aunt whos clearly a lesbian but thats about it, always wonder if theres someone they dont tell me about. my moms very butch too tbf

>>43524395
Im just digging myself out of exactly the same hole you're in. I just got a job and began transition. Dont give up, even if the odds suck. If I fail I will kms but not before I actually try and I want you to do the same

>>43524517
based

>>43529349
idk i feel like i would not have ended up like this if i hadnt stopped seeing my pmhnp.

>>43525053
>even people without gender dysphoria end up like us
right here, 37, cishet, and just wasted an entire weekend on /tttt/ because of multiple... factors

>>43528187
same but i crashed and burned in my early 20s after pulling myself up by my bootstraps
then you're told you need to do it again to fix yourself while in the depths
i salvaged what was left of my life again at 27 only to lose it all not even a year later
life is basically a eugenics program where the fittest drones get the crumbs and the least able are starved in a constant miserable churn
don't stumble and fall in the race, you'll get trampled and nobody will help
im 30 soon and i havent connected with anyone irl for years, i dont leave the house anymore. nobody will celebrate my birthday this year, not even me
i dont want to die but most of the time i think i have no other choice since building a new life worth living seems impossible for me as i am. and thats okay, apparently.

>>43529536
ohh i thought it meant youre doing well enough you dont need them, can you go back?
>>43529721
yup same must be majority of amabs

>>43530233
>yup same must be majority of amabs
nah honestly think its just a modern world thing (not like earlier societies were any better tho)

>>43530233
i wish that were the case :'), im trying to. just waiting for insurance stuff.

>>43524395
>wasted my entire 20s
why do i feel like you're like, 27 saying this? that 25 year old brain maturation shit isn't real btw