You want me to equate your distress with gender dysphoria to validate you in your passive aggressive beta male neurosis but unfortunately I know for a fact the premise of this post is essentially fetishistic and you don't have the integrity required to have your peers constrain your damaging neurotic behavior.

>>43540538
>yeah so my entire family is accepting and im living the dream but wahh im so sad im a fake tranny wahhh
god i wish i was in your position if this isn't creative writing
just take your fucking pills/shots/patches nona

>>43540560
I'm not sure I fully understand how the premise of this post is fetishistic. Right know, I'm just sad and hate myself.

The question is: What can I do to contain the damage of this illness inflicted on myself and society?

>>43540570
I am aware of how incredibly unfair it is that I, a perverted man with sick urges, has an accepting family while actual, valid trans people like yourself have not.

Yes, I will take my injections. I've tried to stop twice and failed. But not because I'm "nona", but because I'm a sick man with a neurologically broken sexuality, trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

>>43540538
validity is a spook and wanting to be a woman isn't evil even if it's partially motivated by sexual desire. sexual desire is not bad or wrong.
you are almost certainly not motivated entirely by sexual desire, but if somehow you were, that would be fine too. if somehow your motivations are entirely different from those of "real trans people", that wouldn't matter either. it's your body, you can and should do what you want with it.

>>43540538
This is quite possibly the worst idea ever conceived. Coming out as a tranny wasnt humiliating enough for you so you have to rope everyone in to this shit. Either troon out or rope, not this bullshit. Fucking type threes

>>43540623
oh my fucking godd who careesss theres no such thing as the seed of transgenderism within true trannies connected to the moon goddess that you lack shut up and do what makes you happy
assuming this isnt a psyop/creative writing/jerking off

>>43540538
Why are you going to do something you’ll obviously regret in the future? Clearly you have some kind of humiliation fetish and need to take down trans people too, it’s not like they’ll somehow draw a clear separation between what you say and of trannies. Just keep it to yourself.

>>43540625
At its core, it's about consent, and keeping things contained that the public should not be subjected to.
If I were to transition, everyone I would interact with would be, albeit unknowingly, an involuntary participant in me acting out my fetishistic desires.
They would interact with a person who couldn't keep their perversion under control, and let their old identity die just to live a fantasy.

So yeah, maybe it wouldn't "matter" in every social interaction. But that wouldn't make it less wrong.

And also: I don't want to be trans. I don't want to have to take HRT for some mental stability. I don't want this sexuality.
I just want to be a normal guy with normal interests and desires, who never heard of AGP and thinks trannies are kinda weird, but whatever.
Saying I "want to be a woman", just because I have a sexual paraphilia / illness, doesn't do the situation justice.

>>43540538
idiot

>>43540760
I never came out as a tranny, I never socially transitioned. I just came out as:
>envious of womens clothing and styling choices
>unhappy with certain masculine body characteristics instroduced by puberty (brow bone, beard, body hair, head hair loss)
>sexually broken (but unspecified to them)

So they know I am "questioning". But not that this is the result I've arrived at.

And yes, I kinda would drag ppl into this shit by asking them to affirm my maleness, and keep me on the right path. But so would I by transitioning.
Asking them to refer to me by a different name and pronouns, going against every intuation of their eyes and ears when they are around me, just because I gave in to a sexual illness? Asking them to tolerate me prancing around in female clothing, after knowing me as a guy for 22 years?

I don't think that would be any less mentally taxing then my alternative proposal.

>>43541886
>At its core, it's about consent, and keeping things contained that the public should not be subjected to.
one of the major problems with trying to reduce all morality to consent (or any other single principle) is that people will just rephrase all their instincts about morality to use the word "consent", even when they have nothing to do with a reasonable understanding of the word.
other people are not entitled to claim that your mere existence in public is sexual harassment. other people are not entitled to dictate the way you are required to dress in public, beyond a very low bar that is basically there for sanitary reasons. other people are entitled to control what you do with their bodies, because their bodies belong to them, while public space does not.

>>43540793
It's not about what makes me happy.
It's about what's right and morally justifiable.

Also, no, this isn't a psyop. This is me trying to find a path of harm reduction for myself. Noone has to follow my path. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
Also, assuming that most of the trans people on here are actually trans and see their gender as anything other than their natural sex, my struggles shouldn't be applicable to them anyway.

>>43540830
I have no humiliation fetish. I am only considering to do what I wrote in the OP to keep myself from acting on my impulses in my future weakest moments. That might come with some inter-family humiliation. But transition would be just as humiliating, and for me, morally wrong.

Also, I already stated that I am not trans, just paraphilic, with AGP induced dismorphia. I have no female sense of self. I have no female interests.
I would of course make that very clear when opening up about my AGP. That I am not what trans women are, and that they are actual women. That we do not share the same condition.

Just like when a sex offender has to introduce himself in the neighborhood, noone will, after meeting him, assume that every man is like him, noone will draw a connection between trans women and myself if I choose my worlds carefully.

>>43540538
This whole thing is a terrible idea. It would accomplish nothing and would be humiliating for both you and your family. Not because you have a fetish, but because this neurotic self hatred you have is genuinely worse than any fetish you could express to them. Honestly just telling them all you're going to transition as a fetish would be less embarrassing than this.

Other people don't have the same shame and disgust that you have. Trying to get them to participate is some humiliation ritual against you because you have too much shame to just accept yourself and do what would actually make you happy is the worst possible thing you could do, and is far more embarrassing for all parties involved than you just openly doing what you want.
Like imagine if some teenager told their entire family that they sometimes have the urge to masturbate, a how that's disgusting and that they need to be repeated shamed and told how disgusting they are to help them fight these urges. That's would not only be weird, it would be immediately obvious to everyone in that situation that the kid just needs to stop hating themselves and do whatever they're going to do. Similarly, the right thing for you to do is to stop hating yourself and to just let yourself be.

>>43541954
>Asking them to tolerate me prancing around in female clothing, after knowing me as a guy for 22 years?
I mean it seems like they kind of won't care? Sure if you don't want to ask them to use different pronouns don't do that, but if they would be ok with you being trans they'd probably also be ok with you just being a crossdresser. Just wear the clothing that you want to wear, even if it's women's clothing. If they ask about if you're trans or not just say you're still figuring it out or something but they can still call you male pronouns and stuff. You are making this all a much bigger deal than it needs to be.

>>43542044
I fundamentally disagree with that.
It is a broad social consensus in all but the most left-leaning cities that walking around in, e.g. bdsm fetish gear or with dog masks, is inappropriate, for reasons way beyond simple sanitary ones.
For example, children seeing these kinds of things is not something anyone would want.
Just like we as a society have agreed that it is not appropriate for children to watch all kinds of explicit or gruesome movies.

Me walking around in public as anything other than a man would maybe look more innocent, but come from the same place as walking around in bdsm or pet-play gear: sexual paraphilic sickness.

So yes, consent is a relevant metric to use for these kinds of arguments. And reducing it to bodily integrity is oversimplifying it.

>>43542195
Telling them "I'm still figuring it out" would at this point be a lie. I'm not trans. I'm not an innocent crossdresser either, who just does it for the love of the game.

I am a perverse fetishist who jerks of to the thought of being in a dominant-submissive relationship, forced to dress hyperfem, with focus on specific clothing items that give me even more of a rush.
That is nothing anyone should be exposed to. It is just wrong, and sick.

>>43542075

If you dont have a humiliation fetish you're not AGP. Either you're lying, you're in denial, or you're actualy true trans. My money is on the last one because most AGPs like being AGP

>>43540538
You can't tell normies about agp, and you definitely can't tell your family.

Just hrt boymode or something, repressing is difficult.

>>43542219

Dude... just dont literally break the law and no one cares. Thats the whole point of liberal western democracy.

>>43542102
It's not that simple.
A teenager relieving their urges is all normal and healthy. Me transitioning is not that, and goes way beyond that.
The difference is, that when a teenager is done, they're done. And can rejoin society without any trace of their sexuality visible, for others to be subjected to.
If I were to transition due to my fetish urges and body dismorphia, I would subject anyone to see a consequence of my broken sexuality, just by looking at me. Without their prior consent.
So no, it's not the same.

And humiliation seems to be on the cards for me either way.

>>43542219
>It is a broad social consensus in all but the most left-leaning cities that walking around in, e.g. bdsm fetish gear or with dog masks, is inappropriate, for reasons way beyond simple sanitary ones.
there's a moderately strong taboo against non-medical face coverings, but there's not actually any consistent taboo against fetish gear and subtler items often end up working their way into mainstream fashion
>Me walking around in public as anything other than a man would maybe look more innocent
that's not actually the reason it's different from overt fetish gear. what you are claiming is that there's a wide array of clothing that other people are allowed to wear, but you aren't. this is self-hatred and internalized transphobia. i know you don't think you're really trans, but that's the form internalized transphobia often takes, that it might be legitimate for other people but you are the actual fucked up faker that the transphobes really hate. that's not true.

>>43542278
That's what I'm doing right now.
But I'm not sure if I can manage so hold the line for the rest of my life. At some point, the urges could become to intense, leading to actual social transition for all the wrong reasons.

If I'm not getting help by telling them, my only hope is for HRT to further kill my libido, helping me to keep myself busy through more virtuous things. That's basically the only thing that helps right now, and one of the main reasons I can't stop HRT.

>>43542326
>It's not that simple
nta but it actually is that simple.
I don't consent to encountering fatties and fuglies either but somehow that doesn't stop the fuglies and especially the fatties from subjecting me to a consequence of their fucked up slob behavior.

>>43542270
I have a humiliation fetish, but not in this context.
My humiliation fetish would be actually catered to if I were to transition, wear a short skirt and heels, and think about how men could probably see whats underneath, and not take me serious for my intelligence or whatever.

Telling my family that I am a man with a neurological / sexual sickness does not cater to my fetish. It's just the truth, and could be helpful in not actually embracing this perversion.

>>43542287
Maybe I wouldn't break the law, but I would still know that what I do would be wrong / amoral.

>>43540538
Can you elaborate on your fetish? When it started, what it entails, and what about it appeals to you? You mentioned it being a part of a dominant/submissive fantasy. How does you wearing women's clothing enter into that?
There are a lot of different ways this sort of fetish can manifest

>>43542326
>I would subject anyone to see a consequence of my broken sexuality, just by looking at me.
homophobes can and have made this exact argument against gay couples holding hands in public
>>43542219
>It is a broad social consensus in all but the most left-leaning cities that walking around in, e.g. bdsm fetish gear or with dog masks, is inappropriate, for reasons way beyond simple sanitary ones.
if it's consensus that matters, why not go live in one of these left-leaning places where social consensus is that it's fine for you to be visibly trans in public? doesn't that solve your problem? everybody choosing to live there has implicitly agreed to abide by those norms.
or is it that you think there's something inherently wrong and bad about you, that actually has nothing to do with the way other people see you?

>>43542367
>there's not actually any consistent taboo against fetish gear and subtler items often end up working their way into mainstream fashion
not where I live

>self-hatred
Sometimes self-hatred is justified, and lack thereof would be rightfully met with suspicion. I can think of other paraphilias where that's the case...

>legitimate for other people but you are the actual fucked up faker that the transphobes really hate. that's not true
I don't care what transphobes think. I mean, since I'm not trans, they probably don't care for me anyway.
It's more that, besides all the other reasons about consent and such that I mentioned, I would feel like I'd make a mockery of actual trans and cis women. Like blackface makes a mockery of the struggles non-whites face, which is why it's rightfully frowned upon.

>>43542440
I've been hesitant to be more explicit about my specific fantasies, because, again, consent. And also, I don't know how this helps anyone understand my struggle.

But here you go:
>secretly crossdressed since 12 / 13
>envious of fem. styling & clothing options even before that (wanted hair in braids in primary school [denied by mother], tried clip on earrings in kindergarden, in 2nd grade envious when another boy got makeup done by girls on class trip)
>sexual awakening (masturbation) rather late, at 15 or 16 (was disgusted when I found out that this works for me too, but came back to it more and more)

In fantasies, I want to be:
>...forced to wear short skirts, dresses, heels, pantyhose, earrings / other piercings
>use high, fem voice
>present full time as woman
>forbidden from wearing masc clothing (pants)
>undergo body mods for permanence (e.g. tongue piercing for perma lisp, perma heels so I can't walk flat footed, VFS)
=> all to be taken less serious, feel vulnerable, weak, feel humiliated about my loss of status (I highly value intelligence and being respected IRL)

Don't care about genitals / intimacy / sexual intercourse at all. Never fantasize about that. Mostly find it ridiculous to watch if I happen to see it in porn.

>>43542461
Well for one, I grew up in a more conservative area, and like the peoples mindset there. The importance of social cohesion. The lack of over-bearing individualism. The groundedness.

Also, having grown up with their valueset, I do relate to it more than to the left-leaning "everything goes" one. So much so that for example, I did cringe / was weirded out as a child when I saw two men kissing for the first time, and still can't help but take a short second look if two are holding hands.
I can't find a rational argument for this reaction / instinct of mine, but it's there. Same with transitioning for fetishistic reasons.

Also, in my less weak, more rational moments, like now, I understand that upending my whole life just for a paraphilia and some body dismorphia is not how I want to spend my time on this planet. I want to be productive, want to learn and work.
I don't want to goon, shop for clothes or do my makeup. Those are all distractions with no quantifiable value to me.

>>43542720
>>envious of fem. styling & clothing options even before that (wanted hair in braids in primary school [denied by mother], tried clip on earrings in kindergarden, in 2nd grade envious when another boy got makeup done by girls on class trip)
>>sexual awakening (masturbation) rather late, at 15 or 16 (was disgusted when I found out that this works for me too, but came back to it more and more)
doesn't this prove your motivations aren't exclusively or even primarily sexual? you wanted to be feminine before you were having sexual fantasies about it.
the more extreme stuff you describe later is probably driven by repression and is likely to go away once you just get treated as a normal woman (not achievable for everyone, but you've said your family is accepting now).

>>43542850
Once a perverted fetishist, always a perverted fetishist.
Yeah, maybe I could deceive ppl. into thinking of me as a normal trans woman justified in transitioning.
But I always would know the ugly truth. That I am just a man lacking in self control and better things to do.

>>43542873
How do you justify your desire to be female occuring before you had sexual fantasies? That seems like a contradiction, unless the desire to be female does not come from the sexual fantasies

>>43542873
>Once a perverted fetishist, always a perverted fetishist.
by your own account if you'd been offered transition at 12 you probably would have taken it and none of this shit would have happened. you didn't get that chance and got fucked up by the resulting trauma of male puberty. that's understandable. other traumatized women often develop weird kinks related to the trauma too, that's normal and doesn't mean you're a bad person or not actually trans.

>>43542908
I don't feel like there is anything to justify.
The neurological illness I have, that for some years now causes my broken sexuality, has started to show itself before said sexuality was "ready to be deployed", so to speak.

What's more indicative of me actually being a man with something to hide instead of a woman is that I'm not one of these shutin losers that cut themselves over having a penis or deep voice. When I'm with other ppl., in my male role, I perform it as well as any cis man would (aside from talking about girls / dating, duh). I've been told many times how ppl. are impressed by me, how I will grow up to become successful, how I am good with words. I'm also assertive and fiercely competitive.

Sometimes I feel like the AGP is there to nerf me, because otherwise, without distraction, I would be capable of so much more.

>>43543022
No, I don't think I would've. I've learned very early on what is appropriate to do and wear for which gender.
Without the powerful force that is libido, my slight envy of womens styling options would've just remained a little harmless quirk to keep to myself.
Only know, after years in which AGP on high testosterone had time to eat it's way through my brain, has the body dismorphia, fear of male aging, and level of gooning become unbearable enough for me to pull the plug (supress T by HRT), so to say.

If I could life completely without sex hormones and libido, my life would be perfect. Just like it was before my sex drive developed. Because back then, I had no problem being male, and also was clearly not female behaviour wise.

>>43543044
I think you have a flawed and distorted perception of trans women. There are trans women who are able to repress enough to be successful as men pre transition, and that doesn't make them any less trans. Not in exactly the same way, but this was basically me pre transition. I was exceptional in school and did a lot of student leadership things and extracurriculars, during my senior year in high school I was head captain of a sports team, student body president, had perfect grades, was in involved in clubs, all that sort of stuff. I was ostensibly a "successful man". However I wasn't truly happy in life and had a lot of emotions I was repressing (just like you). I transitioned 5 years ago and it was one of the best things I've ever done. Not all trans women are neet shut-ins pretrans.
>The neurological illness I have, that for some years now causes my broken sexuality,
I think it is quite likely this "neurological illness" is you being trans and repressing it. It's known for causing this sort of fucked up psychosexual development.

>>43544009
Me again, sharing another anecdote. I remember I was working some charity event pre transition and some older man told me I should join the military because he I thought I was so good at taking charging and leading the group and running things. Being able to embody manhood doesn't mean you aren't still trans.