Im a cis man but for many many years I was obsessed with comparing my body to women, constantly body checking and taking my measurements, stuff like that. I don’t really know why could be an ocd thing. Eventually I went as far as taking estrogen and while I like the feminizing effects I also want to stop bc I have extreme reverse dysphoria. Anyone else in this predicament?
>>43543095kinda, Ive been wearing womens clothes in private since i hit puberty (11) and stuffing things in my ass out of curiosity of what it would feel like to be a girl for sex and stuff. Ive been doing that stuff to this day (31). Around 18 yrs old (2012) trannies started to go mainstream and I repressed trooning out at 18 because my life was going extremely well as a man (high grades, hot girlfriend, tons of friends, popular amongst multiple schools in my city, handsome, motorcycle, on my way to being a firefighter, captain of wrestling team and extremely fit like shredded natural bodybuilder tier. So i thought trooning to throw that all away was silly and I just looked nothing like a woman at the time and didn't know the extent of what HRT can do. fast forward 10 years at 28 I pretty much dont care about any of that stuff anymore, highschool was superficial acting as a man was superficial i was just doing what I was told, basically doing everything in my power to look as attractive as I could to girls. Ive always been so obsessed with what girls want and what I can do to make them happy and Id rather just be the girl. I hit a sort of rock bottom at 28 lost my job, barely talk to friends from school anymore live with my gf I didn't even pick, I just said yes to fuckbuddies and here i am. in a 10 year relationship just not caring about her or anything else but having my private time again to be myself. I wish I could do girly things so bad but Id lose family and my little remaining friends too. Ive been lurking this board for 3 years now posting pics of my body here and there trying to figure out what I am why im like this ive simulated FFS rib countouring photo editing pictures of me with breasts just everything besides actually starting HRT.
>>435462032/2I was diagnosed with OCD ADHD and tourettes when I was 6 though by an actual medical person so I think i am trans but I shouldn't bc id be an optics nuke, i dont have female socialization, im kind and softspoken but thats it, I cant hold a conversation with a girl for more than 3 minutes. and I spend all day around them, im literally the only guy at my work and i just make small talk and dont have any deep convos with girls there. I also got laser hair removal and got reverse dysphoria but now that the damage is done and its been like a year since i cant get my facial hair back i kinda just have to cope, im slowly femininzing myself when i get sudden waves of impulses prob from OCD and browsing here. I lasered my legs but luckily enough grew back so no one could tell, i got full bikini laser too so im smooth in that area, looks odd bc looks like i have baby pp cuz im not big like pornstars. and now i just ordered 2 vials of HRT from the OGL sale and I ABSOLUTELY have to throw that shit in the fucking dumpster or else I just know my impulses and curiosity will inject it/spray it onto my balls and saying "oh just one time wont hurt" and then I end up with breast buds for the rest of my life. I literally feel like Im not in control sometimes and Im scared. I guess what they say about dysphoria getting worse might be true or im psyopping myself.
>>43546209holy shit dude you’re cooked. you’re gonna pop like a pressure cooker if you keep repping
>>43543095>extreme reverse dysphoriai dont get it? whats that like. do you get like grossed out that your arms are not hairy enough? >>43546209>reverse dysphoria but now that the damage is done and its been like a year since i cant get my facial hair back????how?? why would you even if you didnt have dysphoria from facial hair in the first place. fuck i want to scream and tear my face off its like sandpaper after 12 hours
>>43543095Hm. If you are actually cismale and you want to be more feminine without actually becoming a woman, have you considered dutasteride? Prevents balding, and gives you the effects of low grade HRT without boobs
>>43546559I did have dysphoria from facial hair in the first place my facial hair looked like white trash, literally redneck whitetrash (my uncle) (whos the dumbest mf in my family) has this shit
>>43546676oh yeah me too. it literally doesnt grow in all the way and its fucking uneven lmao. and im fuckin old so its not that really cant comprehend this 'reverse dysphoria' thing tho. its gonna be a mystery to me forever but/until now ill always be scared it will happen to me
>>43546691Ya its terrible i mean the reverse dysphoria is gone cuz i just accepted it being gone after a year and now im used to how i look. It was mainly from thinking i couldnt pull chicks anymore cus i look so young again and women like heavy stubble but i never had the full beard to begin with i just had homeless tier shit so ya. Im better now i was just worried i made a mistake
>>43546264im willing to hold out until i explode. trooning out would destroy everything i know.
>>43543095Can you please describe your extreme reverse dysphoria? I think I may have it as well
bump
>>43546203>>43546209Literally me. Think I finally "knew" at about 17-18 but my life was really great. Fortunately still great at 30yo, but even though it comes and goes the tranny thoughts have been back full force for the past year. I got diagnosed (T)OCD at 23 and I figured that means I should just rep it out. But I ALSO just got a vial of E from OGL on top of some bica and tamoxifen from elsewhere. I'm going the "cis man on hrt" route bc I know until I at least try chemical hrt I won't know *for sure*. I'll never pass as a tall John 30 whose family would disown him and whose whole life revolves around the church, which I'm kind of counting on so i can just perma hide it. Starting in 3 weeks when I'm done bulking so I can hopefully hide behind muscle mass and use retatrutide + pioglitazone to cut to a good whr. Perks of the OCD piece is being super obsessive about all parts of transitioning.
>>43548831nice to know theres someone else out there like me... its been so long that ive felt alone with this disease, like I was crazy. but I guess maybe youre just crazy too. idk. your journey sounds rougher since the church is involved. at least my family and friends are atheist. my problem would come from my work. I do ultrasounds so I spend like hours next to patients in a conservative blue collar town that are like 60+ so all have traditional boomer values. I just wouldnt want to deal with all the hate, then id probably get some form of rumor gossip from coworkers. and everyone would be shocked because im like 5'10 190 pound muscular guy. and theyd pretty much think im faketrans agp rapehon without knowing any of that terminiology and id likely lose my job due to too much conflict my appearance would cause.not sure why ur bulking if u want to look fem tho, ive been trying to lose weight and be a twig so I can get immediate female fat distribution when i start HRT and begin eating to let my body grow the most during 2nd puberty without getting overweight myself. anyhow im tired, off to bed, if thread still up in the morning id like to talk more.
