I'm a 24 year-old manmoder, one year on HRT, but I have reason to believe that people suspect I'm a tranny. I don't look feminine at all. My body is extremely masculine and my hair is pretty dark/coarse, giving me very visible beard shadow even after shaving. I do not dress femininely at all (I exclusively wear plain, black clothes) and only really speak to people when I'm working. Furthermore, I rarely share my interests or hobbies with people. For all intents and purposes, the fact that I'm a tranny should be imperceptible. But the other trannies at my school keep staring at me, and I've had coworkers ask things like "what do you identify as," or "is anon a boy or a girl?"Once people realize you're trans, especially in a rural Appalachian area like mine, you sort of become a representative of the entire community. And quite frankly, I don't think "our" community should be represented by a mentally-ill gigahon. If people received confirmation that I'm a transsexual, I am certain it would be an optics-nuke for every other trans person in my city.This probably sounds like I'm doing indirect humblebragging or fishing for compliments, but I genuinely look like a male. And I am not proud of that whatsoever. I just want to vent, and maybe get some advice on how to get people off my case.
They all know
>>43593081I don't think they do. People "sir" me pretty consistently.
>>43592548
>>43596088What do you mean by this...?
>>43596311Nta, but it's the micro details give you away including your body odor. A year of hrt is more than enough to change your facial fat and give you some breast tissueIt really doesn't matter if your overall features are masculine, it's the details that the general public perceives almost subconsciously and it makes them question what they're looking at.I notice it a lot when I'm building something or making art, just because it's centered doesn't mean it looks right. Something in our brains is going, hey that doesn't look quite right, can't put my finger on it, but it just doesn't. They don't know why you're looking more feminine than you're supposed to but it's enough to make them question what they're seeing
>>43596837>it's enough to make them question what they're seeingNo, it's not. I look indisputably male.
>>43596864nigga you got fat ass titties
>>43596864are we fr right nowi dont want to alarm you, but you may want to look at your chest.>Once people realize you're trans, especially in a rural Appalachian area like mine, you sort of become a representative of the entire community. And quite frankly, I don't think "our" community should be represented by a mentally-ill gigahon. If people received confirmation that I'm a transsexual, I am certain it would be an optics-nuke for every other trans person in my city.i've had this thought too, i just want to be a normal person not a weirdo representative of trans people. unfortunately it seems like it's just a fact of transitioning, so best to just be a good role model i suppose. you dont really need to put a dress on and wear makeup every day, but you do need to just, idk, dress for the day, dress for the weather.how much if it is really about "looking" like a girl? take your pills, grow your hair out, put on some mom jeans and a women's tee. let the rest fall into place. ideally have some irl queer friends, and some irl hobby friends. if you dont have one or the other, you just gotta go try and make some, which is unfortunately easier said than done, but you gotta just try.
wth did i just read op
>>43597112>>43597152My chest isn't that big, my boobs are only B-Cups. And they're easily obscured when I wear my hoodie (so, any time I'm in public).>you dont really need to put a dress on and wear makeup every dayDidn't plan on it anyway. I would like to, but I don't wanna look like a drag queen or sissy or something, so I've never done it.>you do need to just, idk, dress for the day, dress for the weather.I wear black jackets and jeans everywhere/every time of year, which is usually socially acceptable. Why do anything more?>ideally have some irl queer friends, and some irl hobby friends.Nobody wants to be my friend. I'm too weird for cis people and too assimilationist for queer people.
>>43596864>I look indisputably maleNot to be mean, you're right, but you also have a huge set of tits. Like damn, I'm a little jealous. You're probably not doing a good job of hiding them and they're very noticeable so of course people are gonna wonder if you're a tranny
>>43597689>B-CupsMaybe it's the lighting or you measured wrong but no man has a set of boobs like that. Those are not man-boobs by any means
>>43597790I know that I was the one who said I look indisputably male, but darn, that still hurts, lol. With that being said, I do a pretty good job of hiding them. Wearing layers can help a lot.>>43597837I haven't been measured in half a year-ish, but I'm pretty sure it was done correctly. I even had someone cis double-check my work, as awkward as that was. They're just Bs.
>>43598176>that still hurtsI'm sorry. Even if I'm not doing it with malicious intent, I still don't like hurting people's feelings. Some of us will always read more masculine and that's just life. That doesn't mean you can't find love or happiness, or that you shouldn't continue transitioning. Have you considered laser? It would do a lot for the beard shadow. You can find deals on Groupon and there's laser places everywhere now. You'll see them once a month for a year then never again. They don't care why and if they prod, just say you don't like facial hair and hate shaving. Who cares what they think >haven't been measured in half a year-ishget a tape measure, any is fine. Cup Size = Bust - Band You're probably a C by now 1 = A2 = B3 = C4 = D5 = DD or E (idk why they start adding Ds past this point instead of continuing the alphabet)
>>43599011I want to get laser, but my area doesn't have many options/I need to save up more money. With that being said, I know I'm not unlovable because I'm trans. I'm unlovable because being trans makings me a psycho.
>>43592548I wish i were an asa larping boymoder but sadly im just male and ugly
>>43599309Have you checked Groupon to see what kind of deals are available? I live in a <100k population town and I was able to get about 12 sessions (on sale) for about 300 total. You mentioned the other trannies at your school which implies your area is large enough to have multiple trannies exist and should have enough laser places to require some competition and sales I have to get a touch up session soon but it's no where near as bad as it once was. I'd have to shave/pluck every day beforehand. Now, I can go a week or so between shaving before it's noticeable.
>>43599715I'm not a larper, I'm genuinely that autistic. But, I'm an ugly male too.>>43600150There's only two, and they're both transplants (pun not intended). That being said, the nearest reputable laser hair removal clinic from me is an hour away (and I don't even own a car).
>>43600306>I don't even own a carGet a friend with a car willing to drive you >>43599309>I'm unlovable because being trans makings me a psychoSo stop being a psycho and act normal. Keyword act. You don't have to be 100% normal just get your shit together instead of sulking in your own emotional filth >>43597689>I'm too weird for cis people and too assimilationist for queer people.Again, stop with the weird I'm-too-strange-for-this-world crap. Get your shit together and be agreeable enough to make a friend. You don't have to come out publicly but it helps having trans friends going through the same thing
>>43600609>Get a friend with a car willing to drive youEasier said than done. It's probably more feasible for me to just rent a car.>So stop being a psycho and act normal. Keyword act.I do/can. It just doesn't work that well because people can tell it's fake.>Get your shit together and be agreeable enough to make a friend. I'm not disagreeable, I don't think. I'm just legitimately weird.
>>43596864oh this is easy, you don't preform masculinity, you look male but they can tell you have no interest in actually being a man and that's tranny shit, same thing got me clocked as a repper before I even started hrt, just tell them you're gay or something
>>43592548honestly I'm kind of confused by your post OP for me I didn't get gendered female once while boymoding between 17-22, it was only after I started femboymoding did I start getting pronoun questions, and since girlmoding I've literally never been misgendered, even by blue collar worker types (who are always really nice to me) >>43596864oh this explains it, you have fucking impossible to hide boobs, I was always flat as a rake until I got BA, you was never manmoding, you're just MtButchmoding lmao.
>>43604339>you was never manmodingI wear layers, which obscures my chest pretty well. Also, everyone in this thread says I look like a man, so I'm definitely manmoding.
>>43604466boobs are extremely fucking obvious, humans are intuitive pattern recognition/prediction machines, if you wear layers, then that just means that if people do see a small bump, they'll immediately realise that you have massive fucking honkers for said bump to be visible under all that clothing + smooth skin + girl smell + psychological feminization from not having a male identity and spending all day on a tranny website + longer hair, sorry "bro" but you said it yourself, people can tell, and it's a for reason. YOU ARE TRANS BUTCHMODING
>>43604491>smooth skin My skin isn't that smooth, between my facial hair and all the cuts I get from excessive shaving. >girl smellI don't use any especially feminine products, I just smell vaguely coconut-y.>psychological feminization from not having a male identityMy identity isn't male but that doesn't make me feminine. I want to identify as female but I know I'm ngmi, so mentally I just view myself as being stuck as some weird third thing.>longer hairMy hair isn't that long.I don't look like a butch woman at all.
>>43604510not going to refute these laughable points until you answer this IF YOU ARE NOT BUTCH(/HON) but I was trying to be polite) MODING, THEN WHY ARE PEOPLE ASKING YOUR FOR YOUR FUCKING PRONOUNS, DUMMY?
>>43604529>WHY ARE PEOPLE ASKING YOUR FOR YOUR FUCKING PRONOUNSPoint taken. I guess I'm just fucked. I'm too gigahon to girlmode but too trans-looking to manmode.
>rural Appalachia>other trannies at my school>I've had coworkers ask things like "what do you identify as,"can't suffer as a transwoman in wokemerica
>>43604554You can if you're a lateshit gigahon.
>>43604538yeah sorry to break it to you like this, personally I think the best thing you can do is damage control by just trying to get as good at girlmoding ASAP, that way people will think "oh, maybe troons aren't so bad" it'll be rough at first since you're going to have to catch up on years of trial and error that most ciswomen do as teenagers, but you have to do it at one point or another
>>43604564I don't see what the point in girlmoding is if I'm not going to be seen as one. It'd be pointless.
>>43596864>giant ass boobs>black foid hairstyleBWAAHAH fucking retard.
>>43604575you can still be attractive and likeable even if you don't pass, thinking about things as a black and white binary of PASSOID|HON is reductive, it's a wide spectrum and we wouldn't have language like "twinkhon", "semi-passoid", "rapehon" if it wasn't.
>>43604586Should I go bald then? I would kinda hate that, but maybe I have to.
>unironically looks like a dude with titsFuck this is my nightmare, I think I should go back to anamoding to stunt my breast growth I never want to wind up like you.
>>43604593Bro it's over you have the rack now you can't stealth.
>>43604594don't do this, I did it and I ended up having to pay $10k for plastic fakies that don't look realistic at all because I have zero natural breast tissue except for slightly enlarged nipples
>>43604592>you can still be attractive and likeable even if you don't passI don't care about being attractive, I'm not some AGP sissy or something. Also, I am fundamentally unlikable due to my mental illnesses.
>>43604592Yeah well op's only way out is locking in on ffs at this point. Because op literally just looks like a man with tits, and that is not attractive at all. Like people are going to be going through a mindfuck just praying op is wearing a stuffed bra, and that he'll take it off, because it is such a mismatch.
>>43604602I won't be able to get ffs for 4 years in the best timeline, and otherwise I'll just look like a mid twinkhon with tits, sorry, but I am so vain I'd rather have the secured option of boymoding. I'm at 4
>>43604594Yeah, it's not great. I'm honestly planning on killing myself next May-ish if I don't get any better.
>>43604613well I hope you hold out anyways, because I'd feel like shit if I influenced someone towards that. Plus if you are young, and actually make money there is still a way out.
>>43604605>Yeah well op's only way out is locking in on ffs at this pointLOL, I wish I had FFS money. I'm too poor.
>itt evidence why trooning should be gatekept through economics (which would also largely keep the mentally ill people away too)trooning is a rich (wo)man's game and the poorfags getting in are both hurting themselves and everyone else.
>>43604618>well I hope you hold out anyways, because I'd feel like shit if I influenced someone towards that.I mean, it wouldn't really be your fault, it'd be my decision. And I told myself at the start of my transition that I had two years to pass or die. So, it's not really something you're influencing at all.>make moneyIsn't FFS like, $20k? I'm way too poor for that. And even if I had the money, I couldn't afford to just not work for a month.
>>43604604>I don't care about being attractive, I'm not some AGP sissy or something. sorry, this post literally made me spit out of my tea in shockYOU ARE SO FUCKING RETARDED IT'S UNREAL, DO YOU THINK THAT EVERY SINGLE FUCKING WOMAN WHO WANTS TO BE ATTRACTIVE IS AN "AGP SISSY"? AND IF SO, THEN WHAT'S FUCKING WRONG WITH IT? DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WHO GET HAIRCUTS AND GO ON DIETS ARE ALSO "AGP SISSIES"? >Also, I am fundamentally unlikable due to my mental illnesses.better to be effeminate, hot and mentally ill than manly, ugly and mentally ill. Is your mental illness BPD by any chance? Because this black and white thinking is fucking ridiculous BAKA. >>43604605don't say that, OP's only been on HRT for 1 year, I'm still noticing that my cheeks are getting more plump, or that my thighs are getting proportionately larger even after ~10 years, OP needs to go on a fucking diet and learn how to present better. Look, I once went to a thai restaurant and there was a literal hon waitress there, but she had great makeup, a confident, feminine sense of style, effeminate mannerisms and massive fagcent, despite not passing she still read as "inherently effeminate" to me and I felt that she was affable as a result, nobody in the restaurant treated her with any revulsion.On the other end of the spectrum I've seen plenty of zero effort moders who quite honestly fucking disgust me despite having a better base than the aforementioned thai hon, they're the real opticsnvkes that OP is scared of being.
>>43604675>DO YOU THINK THAT EVERY SINGLE FUCKING WOMAN WHO WANTS TO BE ATTRACTIVE IS AN "AGP SISSY"?No, but I do think that it's a little AGP when trans women transition with the goal of getting hot or whatever. I don't care about that, I just want to live a normal life.>better to be effeminate, hot and mentally ill than manly, ugly and mentally ill.We've already determined that I will always be manly and ugly, so this is irrelevant. >Is your mental illness BPD by any chance?I'm not sure, I'm not really diagnosed. I definitely have one though. I can't even go two weeks without self-harming and my life is sort of defined by a constant undercurrent of anxiety (though, I hide it well).>don't say that, OP's only been on HRT for 1 yearThey're right though. If you don't have a good starting point and you can't reliably malefail after one year, you're probably screwed. And I've only malefailed like 2-3 times, with old people (and they were probably senile or something).>OP needs to go on a fucking dietYeah, I know. I went on a diet last year and lost like 130 lbs., but I'm prone to anorexia so I had to stop (I started losing consciousness standing up). I still don't eat that much but for the past several months the weight has been creeping on.>learn how to present better.Oh yeah, I'm sure looking like a dumb drag queen isn't a bad idea at all lol.
>>43604732I’ve given you my advice as someone who's been transitioning for 10 years, your choice whether you want to take it, or continue making quite frankly absurd excuses like this. Best of luck to you>No, but I do think that it's a little AGP when trans women transition with the goal of getting hot or whatever. I don't care about that, I just want to live a normal life.Why is AGP when a tranny does something, but normal when a cis woman does it? As always there's various degrees of "hotness", if I suggested outright bimbofication then yeah sure, that might be a little fetishistic in nature, but just wanting to be attractive? Literally everyone who isn't some kind of deranged asocial schizoid wants that, if not because attractive people are treated better, then for personal pride
>>43605173can you just drop more sage tranny unc advice for a 4 months baby trans please. I am breaking.
>>43605194I mean i'm hungry so I don't feel like writing a wall of text, but getting rid of your male identity asap is probably the most important thing, I think you really just need throw yourself into a feminine lifestyle to make up for not receiving a male upbringing because successfully transitioning requires a lot more than just having a workable body/face, it also requires integrating into the female social role. it goes without saying but boymoding any longer than what you absolutely need to is retarded, 2 years absolute maximum and even then you should spend all of that time femboymoding or whatever
>>43596864Your face is really fat but you look way younger than 24.
>>43596864 Anon Walmart sell a light hair remover, I bought one for 40 dollars and it took about 2 years but I have very little facial hair. I understand your situation, money is tight your on a budget. Your breast look beautiful, probably a D Worry about yourself, not what others are doing. Get past this moment in life, to the next moment
>>43605173Your only advice to me so far basically boils down to "just honmode, I find it more acceptable!" That's not actual advice.>>43605388People usually think I'm 18-19ish, like I'm fresh out of High School or something.
>>43605429Facial hair removal alone isn't going to make me look at all feminine (though I am saving up for it). With that being said, I've tried Nair, waxing, and various other over-the-counter items to remove my facial hair. Nothing has worked so far, and I doubt something for light hair would work on someone with dark hair.
>>43605466dude get your money up or fuck off, what are you doing with boobs that big and you didn't even have a plan to pay for laser which is unironically laughably cheap and affordable after like 3 weekends of flipping shit you get from garage sales on ebay. You need jesus,
>>43605539I'm planning on paying for laser this Summer. I have a job, but I live alone and I'm also a college student so I'm pretty tight on funds. I'm just saying that some Wal-Mart trash is a waste of my money.
>>43605451YOU ALREADY ARE HONMODING YOU STUPID FUCK.
