>be black>be 11>accidentally catch my dad watching porn of white woman on computer>search it up on my own and quickly get addicted>4 years later, drift into femboy and trans porn>"no wtf, I need to stop, once I stop looking at it these desires will go away">stop watching it, desires return in dreams and in public life like a few months later>repeat on and off for years>try femboyism years later myself at age 18>doesn't work, hair grows back, don't look fem>learn about estrogen but say "I won't take it because I'm pornbrained" for years>flunk out of college because subconsciously I couldn't proceed knowing I wouldn't be one of those trannies I saw in porn>get fired two times because of similar feelings>been seeing more and more porn where trannies are doing the stuff I saw in porn in polycules etc>"wtf maybe I need to meet one of these people now that I've accepted my transness/that I need to take E">start talking to these types of pornbrained polycule trannies online>barely pay me any attention because I post about my mental problems so much, one straight up blocked me after having a good conversation>all of them tell me to take E though>finally take estrogen at 22 years old1/2
>>43622319>accidentally revealed to friend group with a few trannies that I'm trans as well>after that, only one of them pays me any mind>she introduces me to a few pornbrained polycule doggirl esque trannies irl>always immediately freeze up around me or ignore me in conversation>one time I got introduced to one by another friend>I say "hi">she didn't even look at me and kept talking to friend>only irl tranny that knows I'm trans and talks to me starts talking to me more>like really starts talking to me about stuff>starts sending me selfies all the fucking time despite me never sending a picture of myself over text>we hang out alone some and she starts giving me bedroom eyes>realize she has crush on me>tfw the only tranny that wants to talk to me is a woman I inevitably will have to reject>tfw all the other trannies I want to talk to refuse to interact with me probably because I'm black >tfw I ruined my life over a porn fantasy years ago>tfw the porn fantasy I have in my head will never even be real cause I'm spiritually disgusting to everyone that lives it
sage
i just started zoning out and day dreaming while reading as it went onjust find zomeone you can watch porn with ig
>>43622319>>43622325this is really shitty anon :(I hope you can find not shitty people to be friends with. maybe you can go back to school? and yea Ive been there before where you want someone as a friend and they want you as a sex :(
>>43622619HOW!? THERE ARE NO AVENUES!? I can't date anyone cause I'm too early in transition, I can't talk to anyone irl because they ignore me, the people online are too far away and don't care!? There's no way left for me. This isn't the end of my life, but it's the end of the road. This is how bad everything will be the rest of the time.>>43622687I don't think I'm even mad about friends, I'm mad about the fact that I can't fulfill my fantasy and that these fucking people keep teasing me about pretending they'll be my friends
>>43623598idk :<
this is what the cia be doin do a brotha mane.
>>43624905kill yourself nigga
