I have no feelings, i have no desires i dont know what i am or would even want to be or not be. I have no personality, and if i ever had one i excised it myself so long ago it doesnt matter.So why the fuck did i start taking Estrogen.Im just waiting for the day it turns out that im just a normal cis guy that was just deeply deluded. Or that my apathy & no sense of self lets up only in so far as letting me now that i now gave myself real gender dysphoria by growing tits.And in the meantime i just feel nothing at all. And when i do feel things i dont even believe myself if they are my genuine feelings or just me making stuff up, or if im exaggerating them or suppressing them.I have straight up no idea whats going on, sometimes HRT makes me happy, but other times supremely anxious and often i just dont feel anything, or i feel a lot but i have no idea what or why.It really just feels like something will give in at any moment. And ill realize that i was just a massive retard making a giant mistake in ever thinking i could escape my apathy & non existent sense of self by trooning or any other way.I wish i wasnt me. I wish i was anyone or anything at all.
>>43622520repping and being miserable and coping with the internet and all of that stuff causes you to not develop a personality in the way that other people do in teenhood. youre going to have to make up for lost time on this one! go outside! meet people! slowly build your way up to discovering yourself outside of the transition. its there it just needs to be brought out
>>43623999> repping and being miserable and coping with the internet and all of that stuff causes you to not develop a personality in the way that other people do in teenhood.Ok true i absolutely do feel like that.> youre going to have to make up for lost time on this one! go outside! meet people!Also prob almost certainly true that this is what i should be doing lol.> slowly build your way up to discovering yourself outside of the transition.Yeah but one of the major problems is that im not even sure if whatever i might discover facilitates a transition. Like im not even certain as to basic ass things like "am i trans"/"should i transition" (or rather "do i keep transitioning" (since im (for some goddamn reason, im not even sure anymore atp) am already on HRT)).That feels like the kind of problem that needs solving before i even engange with anyone. Or at the very least deserves priority cuz its time sensitive (either to be able to detrans with minimal issues or to transition ASAP/as well as possible).> its there it just needs to be brought outIdk anymore.But thanks for your response anyways <3.
