I sure love some eno/flood/moulder produced sound

>>43686278
>QOTT
Part of why im on here is lurking tranny social media for too long.

Unfortunately that started just around the same time as i began actually liking certain pieces of music.

So yeah my music taste is irreperably tranny coded i feel like.

First musicians i can recall actively enjoying:
- 100gecs
- SOPHIE
- Sewerslvt

And its not really gotten any better:
- bye2
- psychoangel
- Machine Girl
- Arca
- Ada Rook

If i like a bit of music its a 50/50 as to whether its either tranny coded (like loud electronic stuff), or just straight up made by one.

I may genuinely have an easier time listing the non trans adjacent ones if u demanded an exhaustive list from me lol.

the tranny thoughts just become more and more recurrent i have got to stop it all NOVV

>>43686278
the same stones and kglw albums on repeat

>>43686278
Brian's a chaser, not a repper, he mentioned it in A Year With Swollen Appendices iirc

>>43686278
Take your HRT, retards!

saturday night time for a little agp session

>>43687138
wait what the fuck its sunday, what the fuck happened

>>43687155
Mandelo Effect.

ye saturday night wemen ye just ape n' clown
yall just keep tryna tear me reputashum down
stop braking down
baybah pleese stop braking down
shit's gwine bust yer brainz out baybah
gwine make ye lose yer mind

>>43667077
think I'm going to buy an industrial-grade bone caliper for like 1k, measure me once, and then return it for a full refund a few days later
can this go wrong? how many times can I do this before the store prevents me from repeating this over and over? I can just move to another one after I guess

>>43687123
I did that and it just made me even more unsure/confused.

That being said i do agree, wish i had done it way sooner, even if it sucks that i still dont have closure.

The masculine part of my personality has done nothing except cause me extreme pain and loneliness. All the things I hate about myself are in the masculine part of my Self. All the things I do that made me waste my youth are in the masculine part of my self. I hate my masculine personality traits, and yet I was born a man. Meaning my soul/self is ultimately masculine, it falls on that side of male/female when viewed in a binary. Yes i have many feminine traits also, but my body did not manifest as a female, it manifested as a male. So those are ultimately secondary traits. The core of the Self remains masculine, all is filtered through the male form I manifested in. People describe my personality as feminine. Yet I am a male.

Hrt allows the feminine parts of the Self to manifest more clearly in the body. It doesn't change the fundamental reality on the level of the soul. But it does allow the feminine parts of the Self to display more. You combine this with makeup, clothes, surgery, and you can become much more feminine than you were originally. But it doesn't change anything at a very fundamental level. However these secondary changes can sometimes be enough to make the pain of existence somewhat more tolerable for people like me. Except with me there are reasons why I don't take hrt, and continue to rep.

Ultimately the solution, if there is one, is to cry for hours in the arms of a woman who loves me and accepts me for who I am. I need to tell her everything, including the tranny thoughts and gay thoughts, and show myself to her completely. If she accepts me and still wants to be together, and holds me that night, then I will have as much solace and love as one can hope for in this horrible world. It is high risk revealing myself like that, but who cares, I am miserable anyway, and self sabotage is appealing in itself.

Maybe it is all cope and I need to take hrt For now I take retinoids and grow out my hair and get as skinny as possible.

>>43688580
this kind of talk reminds me of the ruminating ive done for years and years

look it doesnt help. you are who you are and you have to accept it. i remember how sick i felt seeing other trannies and how more "naturally feminine" they are and look. feeling like they are real girls and im an imposter, but idk. i know they are just acting it out too, deep down they are afraid that their boy personality is going to come out and they will be exposed as a faker. none of it matters, just be you, do your best. this is all so exhausting.dont be anyone other than you. you're ok as whoever you are.

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Tired

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>>43690265
Same. I really don't see the point of life if I can't enjoy it (religions are fake and gay), but I'm too scared to kill myself, so I'll just be bored and mildly disappointed until I die due to some external reason. This sucks.

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>>43687138
Dont do it bro. It's not worth it to feed that wolf in you if you'll never be able to live out your fantasy.

I just came down from a hardcore hypno binge that had me 100% convinced I was a blonde bubblehead deep inside. And while I admittedly dont regret it, it just made me feel so utterly defeated to face my actual reality once I came back. Honestly, just taking a ton of ambien and forcing myself to sleep would've been a better use of my time. Never goon.

qott: metalcore, post-hardcore, death metal, thrash metal, alt rock

>>43686278
I think this will be my last post in repgen, Im on a couple week long waitlist for endo so prob starting hrt sometime in the next few months (I hope)

i wish i could have physical intimacy i cry when i think about being held

I tried to hook up with a guy but it triggered my SRS OCD and I just feel really sad now. Ended up cuddling and I gave him a handy, but ehh..

anyone figured out the cure for being a tranny?

living day to day huffing repfuel (like the botched surgery thread or the various hon threads) is making it difficult for me to go outside and enjoy life.

>>43693766
>anyone figured out the cure for being a tranny?
A lot of people think its taking the pills. But it comes with its own problems. No winning moves as far as I can see.

>>43693681
story time?

I want the be forcibly injected with estrogen so I can throw my hands up and say "it's not my choice, sorry family..."

>friend likes to take photos.
>feel bad always avoiding them
>don't want to make situations awkward so agree sometimes
>she just sent me an album of photos of all pics with me in it from party
holy fuck i need to killmsyelf

>>43686278
>qott: What kind of music do you listen to?
aloot of emo, punk, shoegaze, music

>>43691087
you're right i just cant help it, i miss being a young twink when i was still in touch with my femininity and didnt have to hypnotize myself into thinking i still possessed it

>>43691194
>waitlist
where you from

>>43694054
i think this is why i used to like those magically woke up a girl transformations or whatever like ooh oh no you cannot be mad at me family its not my fault i didn't do this it happened to me, but now i have no choice but adapt to my new circumstances. oof. if only they were real

>>43693891
That was the whole story desu. Just met a random QT guy and spent an afternoon/evening kissing. Was super nice I just felt bad due to dysphoria

>>43694442
one of my fantasies is being married off at 14 to a guy who feminizes me and keeps me as a house wife. i'm 33

>>43694442
I like the ones where everyone is turned into a girl so no one questions me or pays any attention to me in particular

>>43694474
You might deserve that horrible feeling

>>43694754
Y

>>43694767
It is your subconsciousness screaming at you that you are indeed full of guilt by your own actions and the causes created from those actions

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Need to stop seeing trannies on my timeline

>>43694791
crazy how 40 year olds are cuter than i was at 16

I can't relax anymore. Trooning is all I think about.
But it's impossible, my build is completely hopeless. My shoulders, my height, my skull, everything is perfectly desgined to look male. My personality is also completely male, therefore I am a man.
I just want this to end, but I know transitioning will only worsen things for me. What the fuck am I meant to do in this situation? There's no winning. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate being too cowardly to tie the noose. I just want this to stop i cant take it anymore fuck

>>43695162
why do you want to be a tranny?

>>43695235
I don't.

>>43695248
ok then what are you doing here?

>>43695252
Whining to the void

>testicle pain
>can't see a doctor because hrt has shrunk them to virtually nonexistence and they'd ask questions
fml

>>43695162
lowk just think about trees and shit

>>43691087
Ok I have decided I will now make masculinization hypnosis for confidence boosts/repfuel.

>>43695383
Try jacking off

>>43694421
>waitlist
Its not a meme multi month or year one, you get ur appointment in the next 4 weeks after applying.

my endo is useless :(

>>43695383
don't be stupid
just tell them you're on hrt

>>43695383
>hrt
this is not the thread for you, please leave.
Also there’s been weird growth on the back of one of mine for like 5 years at his point that kinda aches sometimes, but I just ignored it and nothing happened. I can’t see a doctor because it would be awkward and also I just don’t really care that much.

>>43699959
Retard you might have cancer

>>43699959
I have like two small growth, one on my testicle right between it and deferens, the other one on my foreskin
I've had these for over 13 years and nothing happened, but I remembered how scared I was discovering them first

>>43699973
I just don’t really care that much. I hate being alive as a man anyway.
>>43700059
see, nothing ever happens

I think having a loser porn+videogame+drug addict boyfriend would fix me and help me rep 4eva. Just some actual sicko with no job who only talks about his hedonistic interests and also initiates anal with me every night. The way he will do that is this:
He wakes me up by sucking my cock but I pretend to be asleep hoping he goes away. But then he says: "Ah---! you're hard! now I know you're awake Danny. And since you haven't stopped me that means you want it. Let me fuck your ass or I'll tell everyone you want to be a tranny." And I don't respond, I just allow him to enter me again.
That will happen every night.
And this would fix me. It already did fix me but then it stopped. So why can't I have that again so it re-fixes me?

>>43702678
sounds like me

>>43702678
I will never get a boyfriend or have sex, I am a stone-cold repcel until I die

i use ffxiv to live out my agp fantasies

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>>43686278
How do I know if I'm a repper or AGP?

I told my mother I'm trans because that's a point of no return that forces me to stop repping
my head is swimming and I've been slipping in and out of dissociation nonstop this was a mistake I want off the ride I want to go back

>>43702911
>or

>>43703082
I thought most people on this board dismissed "AGP" as a transphobic talking point
...is it actually real?

>>43702911
here's the breakdown newfriend
>AGP: Autogynephile who's sexually aroused at the thought of being a woman, likely due to some brain wiring error. This could be non-dysphoric (crossdressers), or dysphoric (trannies and us fr). The desire isn't always purely sexual, the yearning to be a woman usually happens early in life before puberty, but it's almost an universal symptom. It's a mishmash of psychosexual phenomena that's both fascinating and taboo to discuss.
>Repper: Person who understands themselves enough to know they want to be the opposite sex, but due to any number of reasons choose not to engage in transitioning.
Most reppers are AGP, but not all AGPs are reppers.

>>43703091
Yes. Obviously it's not so simple, because brains are weird, but AGPs, or at least people who fit into that criteria well, are very much real and numerous enough to deserve a definition.

>>43703112
Generally good definitions, except that I don’t think all reppers are necessarily conscious of the fact that they’re reppers. Someone who doesn’t understand themself at all could still be a repper, they just wouldn’t be able to identify themselves as such like we do.

>have occasional agp fantasies but have no interest in HRT / SRS
>still somehow feel like I am carrying some sort of secret / burden I can't articulate
>feel urge to come out (as what I don't exactly know) during stressful life episodes
Okay has anyone else experience literally anything like this, or did I get some special brand of mental illness. Maybe I just got memed?

>>43703727
I’m kinda the opposite. I would be very interested in getting hrt + surgeries if it wasn’t already too late for me, but the idea of anyone who currently knows me finding out that I’m anything but a normal reserved guy absolutely horrifies me. I’m extremely secretive about any interest I have in anything remotely feminine. Even relatively minor aspects of this like the fact that I’m attracted to men are things I’ll probably go to the grave (hopefully an early one) without ever telling a soul in real life. If I didn’t have such shit genetics for it I would probably try to fake my death and troon out somewhere far away where nobody remembers me.
Idk why I’m like this, my parents are conservative but not total religious nut jobs who would have disowned me or anything. Maybe part of it is that I just feel like I’m in too deep.

>>43689657
If I was "ok" as I am, I wouldn't feel like I do. If you have dysphoria you hate yourself and that's a problem.

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do any of you play xiv?

>>43704042
I do but im not a repper
Sad

>>43704061
What are you??

>>43704072
Tranny
Been on e for almost a decade

>>43704092
let's play xiv!!!!!

>>43704139
Discord....?

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>>43704179
ebifurai._

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>>43704061
>>43704092
>>43704213

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>>43704263
what does this mean anon

my "egg cracked" a month ago and I cant look at myself the same since. I'm 26, autistic and relatively broke, living with parents, I can start HRT but it would be long time before I could get FFS, idk if I can handle how people would look at me + the uncertainty. what is worse, lifetime of repression + regret or risk of always standing out + wanting to kill myself when I look at my feet

>>43704304
also should add that I hate when people are lying and insincere, if people told me all the time you look beautiful when I look like a freak it would be so much worse

>>43704284
stop invading repper spaces, go be happy somewhere else

>>43703055
get blackout drunk

>>43686278
kinda sucks to have zero hope for a better future desu

Where's cureanon
>>43704304
I'm 26, been on hrt for 8 years, still no ffs, parents hate me, etc.
Life is shit whatever you do, if you wanna troon out do it but if you have a bad attitude about it then you'll be a manmoder after a decade like me.

>>43704531
I feel like the worst part of my life is how repressed I have felt, now I knid of know why. I'm going to buy some make up and clothes maybe to speed run gender expression + anxiety, maybe it will give me a better idea either way or make me feel more/less confident.

>>43704649
You'll feel repressed even on hrt, the only thing that'll ever soothe you is living and passing as a woman which is near impossible for most people.
That's been my discovery over these 8 years.
Some of us cannot ever reach womanhood even if it's all we wish for.

>>43704388
I was just scrolling on top page and saw an ffxiv comment
Dont worry i never touch yalls gen

>>43686278
take your HRT, retards

>>43704719
thank you

>>43704531
she stopped repressing and started living

>>43704751
I don't have any an even if I did I wouldn't take it because I'll get kicked out of the house

>>43703055
how did it go? background deets?

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>>43704751
won't give me a feminine figure. height, or face

Do you think some trannies are schizoing out about reppers because they think conservatives will use us as some kind of secret weapon?

Can you psyop yourself into becoming Christian and believing trans people are demons?

odio a todo el mundo estoy llendo de mezquindad y rezo para que llegue una guerra nuclear :-)

>>43704757
I know but I wanna talk to her we used to talk like a decade ago almost

>>43704757
stopping repressing doesnt mean start living, now im just an hrt repper

>>43706117
TRVKE

>>43703055
genius move retard, I did the same thing with my friends instead of family. regret it every day.
how did your mom react?

>>43704531
trip on

>>43706290
Same. I have no more irl friends because I was retarded enough to tell them. I also told my dad but thankfully he kinda forgot.

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What are they listening to

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In the year 62 after the founding of the Board a civil war broke out on /tttt/, the same year as the /pol/ war. The repper Anonymous gave cause to the war. For when the Tranny was sent to carry out a war against /pol/ - who had seized the Femboys and Ftfemboys, and had its army briefly in /r9k/, in order to spoil the remainders of the (previous) civil war in /tttt/, whereof I have already rended notice -, Anonymous pretended to be also sent himself. Wherefore the Tranny, provoked, came back the Board with the army. There she fought with Anonymous and Namefag. She first entered, armed, into the Board of /tttt/, where she killed Namefag, chased out Anonymous, and having ordained as new reppers A. Nonymous and N. Amefag, she set out for the Ftfemboys.

>>43706401
N-no how do you know I'm a tripfag

>>43706606
it was just a guess charlotte

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I've been feeling IT more recently. I kept thinking on asking my father if he and my mother had any names for me if I happened to be born a girl. Why am I like this? Can't I be normal?