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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

>>43728153
>Please be civil
Okay got it

summer heat sucks, drink water

how to lose weight with binge eating disorder

>>43730225
Lower the carbs a tiny bit and sleep more.

>>43730225
It would help for you to tell us about why you’ve been binge eating. Do you binge eat to self-soothe, when you’re bored, or because you agonize over trying to lose weight?

From what I can tell, the solutions kind of differ depending on your triggers.

>>43728153
I love your silly little pictures allways so cute and nice to look at :D
ill reply later for now picture appriciationing only

do you know that meme that says guy who thought he had lost all hope loses additional hope that he didn't even know he had? yeah that's been me lately tbqh

>>43728153
omg new /sig/!! ily OP

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>>43731791
Do you want to elaborate on what all is bothering you or do you want to stick to talking about the more general challenge of staying hopeful in these times?

>>43731791
Felt brother

I hate myself, I hate my life and I hate everyone.

>>43732889
relatable

>>43730785
This will help

>>43728153
I get so lonely but get agitated by people so easily

>>43733327
a lot of people do

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I am so bonely

I'm so tired, but I need to make dinner before I fall asleep.

>>43734681
Make dinner then

I've been reading nightly

>>43735169
Good. What books?

hai new /sig/ ly all <3

>>43735704
Thanks

>>43728153
how do i get over 15 bmi
vegetarian and im 99% sure i have arfid

>>43735839
eat more calories than you burn

>>43735853
im tryingg T^T

>>43735860
gotcha

>>43735860
sweet stuff ngl. i had under 14 bmi from arfid and the only way i was able to eat enough to gain weight was biscuits, dried fruit, chocolate, and stuff like that. not so healthy but better than starving, and once you gained some weight you dont need to stay in calorie surplus to keep it.

>>43735875
you will also get used to eating more. but it takes time.
just keep at it, keep eating big enough meals and also often enough.

>>43735875
>>43735883
thank you <33

>>43735883
this

>>43735704
hiya

>>43728153
This is my last post here
I dont want to get better and Im accepting the fact
Cya folks

>>43733837
are you having a bone time?

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Panty here again. As I mentioned in the last thread, I recently started reading a graphic novel every day, after a few weeks of reading part of a graphic novel almost every day. I’m not saying these are especially long or difficult books to read, but I bought them intending to read them and I’m glad I started making the time.

Most recently I read two volumes of Athena Voltaire, this Indiana Jones knockoff comic series. I commend the writer for coming up with treasures based on real history and mythology, but the main character is severely lacking in main character energy. Her name is the most interesting thing about her. She’s a pilot for hire who flies around archaeologists and secret agents who are actually looking for treasure. That’s a good setup, but I needed her to stand out more and be more important to the plot than she ultimately was. And the art has this persistent quality of being not quite there. This cover where it looks like she’s got a lazy eye is a good example.

I enjoyed reading Athena Voltaire, but I’m also glad to have two more books I feel good about getting rid of and some stuff to look up on Wikipedia.

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>>43739796
No. How are you doing today

>>43733837
For what it's worth, I'm sorry ppl were mean to you last thread (even tho I understand the complaints) I hope you and /k/ girl can keep in touch trough more appropriate channels.

>>43739055
I hope you reconsider anon. There's nothing to gain by giving up! Unless you're happy the way you are.

>>43741601
Tumblr final boss

>>43739055
felt

>>43741598
Shall I tell of you last night's dream?

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>>43743706
Yes. Tell me of your dream last night

>>43742123
4chan is just (failed)male tumblr.

Good night

>>43721181


>If they fucked off, do they still bill you? I mean I don't see why you should feel obligated to pay for a service you did not receive.
no this isn't the West where parents will kick you out when you reached 18. at least they have some semblance of face to try get their child up and running, no matter how traumatic the child will suffer.

>Punishment doesn't work usually, I have a suggestion though. Either set a date in the coming days at which you grocery shop and grab one in one fell swoop or "punish yourself" by just ordering one online and be done with it.
stationary and writing supplies aren't a problem, there are a lot of notebooks which only get used for the first 10 pages and then get abandoned. I could repurpose them but it's not like I am in short of writing supplies myself.

> So you were on the run. This is not the kinda situation where you are in a stable environment with a lot of ability to plan and build a future from a solid foundation. Do you feel like your current situation is as unstable? I think you deserve tons of grace under such circumstances.
Not really but I rather take the previous arrangement where I am strapped of money but basically have all the time in this world to my own, rather living like a gilded prisoner.

>I assume you might feel like you are easily overwhelmed? In that case the most important thing you might need to learn to have an easier time to accept imperfection is to break down problems into small stepped solutions. You know, a single line on a canvas is much less daunting and has far looser expectations we can project onto than a whole picture.
How could I convince myself to plan for stuff that doesn't pay in the short term? I used to "run with scissors" where I would just "plan haphazardly" on the spot.
(cont.)

>>43721181
>>43746893

>
>
>Yes, self deception is a huge issue with it. The issue is: you will not escape this without discomfort. One thing you will find is that, unfortunately, discomfort will in all of this be a compass for you to point to progress. You will have to unlearn some things, and it will take you to do things you do not "want", even though you do want their outcome.
>Would yo believe me that I feel your pain of having to work against yourself to escape hell? Trust me, I don't want to exhaust you, and I will not make you take big steps or things that are going to be miserable or cause you to break down. All change must be sustainable. But I believe in structured approaches.

>
>Maybe next time I will answer this? it's already hard for me to come out with the rest of the question

>Take all the time you need, okay?
Okay, so basically when I was on the run I tried getting a tourist visa to asylum, got rejected, spent the next 2 years getting a job to pay the bills, during that time and two years after that spend my time learning a skilled practice that might have gotten me a overseas work and a visa which I would probably claim asylum there, which sadly I gotten caught first so, the last year or so I have been literally doing nothing but doing some suckass job my childhood abuser tried to give me because they're not self-aware enough to know they are the root of the problem, yet dared to question why they raised such a tragic child.

>>43746902
i really feel filthy have to pretend playing house with people I barely care or I actively get disgusted for robbing my years.
AND SOMEHOW IT'S MY PROBLEM, NOT THEIRS. HELLO? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAUSED THIS. AT LEAST LEARN TO BE SELF AWARE AND TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY

>>43744308
Dark froms came to me.
Whispering of unspeakable atrocities.

I need money.

p9

>>43750752
pg8?

>>43749158
Don't we all?

I lost 6.8Kg this month :)
15% of my way to my goal BMI

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>>43747612
I never watched Dave the Barbarian…

Next time I go for my blood test I'm going to ask them to keep taking it out until I pass out

>>43749158
Same. Don't even have a car or bike to uber drive.

>>43754239
It's pretty good, holds up decently joke wise.

Good night

>>43754087
that's actually really good! good job <3

>>43756571
yeah

>>43754423
Why?

What's up

>>43759089
chicken butt

*paws at you* meow
*paws at you* meow
*paws at you* meow
*paws at you* meow

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no dying tonight

>>43761858
Thank you, kitty.

>>43763415
Thank you, small child.

Goodnight for now, everyone.

I will pop back in with an update on things, a lot has happened. I will reply to previous posts when I can too.

Take care for now, wishing you all the best :)

>>43761858
Well memed friend!

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>>43755533
What’s your favorite show

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Hi /sig/! I read another graphic novel today, my tenth for the month of May. I’m going to try reading a graphic novel a day in June for as many days as I can. I picked out a couple dozen shorter ones and put them together a bookshelf. It was surreal looking at them all and thinking I could realistically read most of them this month. I also own a few novels and nonfiction books, and my goal is to eventually read all the books I own (and haven’t read already).

I also bought a stand to mount my bedroom TV on to get it right at my eye level when I’m sitting on my couch. I noticed I had been slouching when I watched TV, and the stand was cheaper than mounting my TV to the wall. I almost immediately noticed I was sitting up straight and my neck felt better as I watched it. If you’re not sure that your TV or like computer monitor is comfortably at your eye level, I recommend changing that.

>>43735318
Right now I'm reading the Hound of the Baskervilles

>>43763787
>>43764624
merp :3

>>43740728
Seems like just reading some actual indiana jones stuff might be better in this case.

>>43765630
Good luck with the novels and non-finction stuff! Weirdly enough, I find comics/graphic novels way harder to read personally than just word books, something about staring at the artwork and having to take it in...

>>43765976
Oh! Fun! The Sherlock Holmes formula sure seems designed to suck you in no matter how predictable it gets.

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Guess who forgot she had to go out at 9am and only remembered at 2am

goodnight /sig/ ly all <3

>>43715661
>I get where you are coming from, but at the same time nobody expects you to pry yourself open on day one either, you know? It would be more a matter of you trying to feel out the limits of your comforts and try to stretch them without thinking about where it leads. How does that sound?
I can't not think about where it would lead to because that's what I'd be there for, and the thought of it makes me want to clam up
>Are you in a position where you are being treated for it?
yes, I have meds and psychological help which im very grateful for
>Has it been effective thus far?
it's been extremely effective at preventing the illness from getting worse, but not that effective at making me better (desu it might be because I don't work on myself enough, but then again the illness itself prevents me from doing/wanting things so what do I know), and the side effects are quite annoying
>Tell me about your environment
I don't know what to say, I spend the vast majority of my time in my room (a messy desk and a bed) or at the hospital
>general neighborhood
I don't know anyone in my neighborhood
>places you can reach. Anywhere you can get easily where you would be comfortable?
there's a park near where I live, I sometimes go for a walk there but it quickly gets boring

my tummy hurttt

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>>43766609
>Seems like just reading some actual indiana jones stuff might be better in this case
It’s no big loss, I got those Athena Voltaire books for a dollar apiece. Also, I don’t think of reading a bad comic as that much of loss because I think of figuring out why I didn’t like it as a good mental exercise.

Dark Horse published some good Indiana Jones comics in the 90s, but they seem to have gone out of print and they’re expensive now. But I am planning on getting ahold of Hellboy soon, which is kind of in that vein.

And I’m starting with graphic novels because I find them easier to read than prose fiction. I guess I like being able to go back and forth between taking in the text and the art. Also, it is possible for comics to communicate a lot with just visuals, like a painting or film.

Im manipulative

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I lost my reason recently. I had one more goal and I achieved it in April last year (or at least, close enough) and I've been mostly lying around at my parents' house since then. I have more money than I know what to do with, so I don't need to work right now. I've been thinking a lot what would be worth working towards, but I literally cannot think of anything.

Honestly, I've been having a bit of suicidal ideation because of this recently. I'm not discontent per se. I still struggle with the mental health stuff then and again, but most days are... normal, sometimes even nice. My life is quite good and I am very privileged in most ways. I just feel like maybe my work here is done? I've tried everything I wanted to try. Prolonging the inevitable out of fear or silly sentimental moralizing would be crass. "He who has a 'Why' can bear any 'How'"; but why should I bear the "How" when there is no "Why", even if I can?

I've picked out a method, set a time... But I think that this is just some vain fantasy, like all the other times I posted "kms" on 4chan, even if it comes from a different place.

"The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night", I guess.

So I don't really know what to do now. I guess I'll keep lazing around and wander about until there's another inciting incident.

Blog general

>>43773209
Yes? And?

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>>43772282
>I lost my reason recently
>I've been mostly lying around at my parents' house since then
>I have more money than I know what to do with, so I don't need to work right now
> I've been having a bit of suicidal ideation because of this recently

I went through a very similar episode of suicidal thoughts after moving back in with my parents in the summer of 2024. I think it’s easy to rationalize away how unpleasant it can be to live with your parents. Sometimes you need to give the obvious its due.

From the way you write it sounds like you’re intellectualizing your feelings too much — holding yourself above them and thinking of them as nothing but crude biology. But what you’ve got to remember is that your mind is in your brain. Your thoughts aren’t any less the product of a living thing of flesh and blood than your emotions. And if you let yourself feel your feelings, it’s easier to get back to equilibrium. Every storm runs out of rain.

You are right that projects and goals can be very helpful motivating forces, but have you considered that many have regarded a life lived properly as a kind of endeavor in its own right? When you’re young the fullness of life can seem like this massive burden, but it is finite.

Also, if you’re living with your parents and don’t need money, is your entire future planned out? Just because you haven’t done anything else yet doesn’t mean there’s nothing else you can do.

I hope this helps. The way you wrote your post was beautiful, but don’t let your intellect alienate you from your humanity. Your fleshy operating system needs maintenance — humble yourself and care for it. Your mind will be better off.

>>43773209
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgqiMzWqGec

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I haven't posted a rabbet in a while.

my tummy still burns but I got some medicine

>>43774071
Not reading allat

>>43776865
I imagine you don't do a lot of reading in general

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>>43774460

>>43774460
ty for your service bunanon ^-^

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Has anyone had great success in weight loss? I used to be so twinky, picrel, I think I was 118 at 17 y.o.… im 140 now but really want to be 120 again, or 110. But I hit a wall every time I try. I’m considering going strict keto for a few months with a decent deficit. I hate feeling so flabby. I still fit all my old clothes without much tightness but I have a slight pooch now and my thighs look like cottage cheese. I’m just so tired of it. I work an active job and burn about 400 calories a day through exercise and running. Still about 135-140. Even worse is all the muscle I have now. I hate being 30.

If you had success, what helped you the most?

>>43778094
cute sweator

>>43764486
Rough Update:
>Money really low
>Mom is constantly stressed
>General mood of the house is tense, unless we are too exhausted to care
>Grandmother is having mini tantrums where she harasses my mother, for some reason so I need to address that somehow

On top of all that:
>Last Saturday our car got a flat tire on our way to an event (some thing that everyone else wanted to go to)
>Tried getting information form my father, didn't help but I do NOT blame him
>My father decides to keep bothering us while we are on a dark freezing road trying to get this tire fixed
>And we're making constant calls for assistance and trying to keep trucks away from us with lights
>Dad flips out, calls me a liar?
>Dad harasses my sister, he assumes she's with us
>Dad has been completely paranoid for for months at this stage, assuming everyone is lying to him
>Even me, the only person who gives him the benefit of the doubt at times despite how petty he can be
>Family constantly has to deal with drama that came from my dad spreading rumors that aren't true because he's possessive and misinformed
>But no, WE are the problem apparently
>He keeps trying to label me as a backstabber, and that me and my sister shouldn't bother calling him our FATEHR if we don't placate him

In other news, my father will be back in the coming months for a visit, that's not a gonna be a fun time.
But whatever, I am too broke and emotionally burnt out to care, bad stuff just happens.
Sorry for venting too much, just needed to get it off my mind so I can go back to job searching.

I am so done with this country and this collection of family members always looking for drama.

>>43777760
oh no-

>>43777765
You are very welcome :3

>>43777760
I had to open this thread because this picture is so cute.

>>43778094
for me it was fasting, lost 10 kg with it

pg8

>>43728153
Is it normal to feel like you've been failing your entire life?

And that you don't know how to move forward?

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What an absolute mess of a weekend I had. Christ. Loved ones worry about me a little by now, I'm gonna try take things slow.
>>43708974
>I think I will treat myself to a trip to Japan this autumn for doing so good this year!
I think that's an awesome idea, and I hope you get to do it!
>I hope everynyan is treating themselves for being strong and resilient, I love you all!!
Sweet of you Anon, thank you.
>>43709497
>is there anything else I can do?
Do check our weight loss resources, and we can help you discuss a diet plan for you.
>>43714218
>I though it was cute that 2 people were becoming friends chatting here
>Friendship and connection are very useful for improving as a person, and some people find it easier to connect in places like this
On the one hand I wholeheartedly agree, on the other I believe it is important to create a lasting point of contact, and I did find it a bit too much that their posts took up 30% of the general, that was too much I believe.
>>43715760
>Is this the tumblr refugee thread? I'm wanting to improve.
You are very welcome here but we're not exactly refugees. I have been here for longer than this board existed, for example. Although it is only a few years ago I decided to make this general.
>>43716688
I am happy for you, Anon! You took the plunge and learned a whole lot about makeup, and it is great news you are getting a nice haircut and working towards feeling more comfy in your own skin. Great stuff overall!

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>>43716593
>>43716648
>This is going to be a boring blogpost
This isn't a bad thing here, no worries. Congrats on your Ba degree! Good to hear you are treating yourself to some much needed rest and relaxation. I am glad you retained your curiosity, Anon. You exude passion for learning.
>So here's an actual question pertaining to my situation that all /sig/ people are free to chime in on:
>I am finally coming to terms with the loneliness in my life.
>I have a handful of close online contacts I've met IRL, a single friend I knew from secondary school who is far, and other minor acquaintances from university and online.
>How do I go about carving a social life for myself if I am not financially independent, live in a conservative area somewhat devoid of people my age, and find myself a little late in some of life's milestones (I'm 26)?
>I've considered volunteering for some causes, perhaps getting a part-time job until I can arrange for something pertaining to my degree, or just going to far away cities and hoping I can make some connections (which I have already tried to mixed results while attending uni).
Not gonna lie you rattled off exactly the types of suggestion I would make in your case. Your main issue lacking financial independence is a lack of mobility. Being a nerd you would of course find more people in nerdy circles that are in line with your interests but I suppose that will only be an option medium term?
>If any of you have undergone a transformation from a somewhat asocial person to a fabulous social butterfly, what aided in that transformation?
Hm, meeting people that are unlike you. Getting to know people from all walks of life sure is valuable, but I think that happens naturally if you pursue diverse interests. You will meet different people in a sewing community than in a library than in a Games Workshop. Your primary asset there in my experience is showing interest in people and tying your experiences to theirs (and vice versa).

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>>43716733
Hm, so the issue is you fell off the habit when you reached a goal you set yourself? Or am I oversimplifying?
>I just can't seem to take my own advice. I think part of it is that the whole appeal of personal training is having a second person to bounce thoughts off of, but still.
>It doesn't help that other people still ask me for advice, and I have no friends that are bigger than me anymore to bounce thoughts off of.
I think the lack of other people for you is what is killing you drive there, yeah. Another thing may be a matter of friction or mental energy. Do you know spoon theory? Where do you invest your energy in your regular day to day?
>Plus my partners getting fat and I want to help them. But I can't even help myself.
If you can hold yourselves mutually accountable that would absolutely kill two birds with one stone, Anon.
>>43726178
>not really desu. but i started talking to my prof, we're into similar music and we recommend each other artists. i think i'm getting more comfortable talking to people.
This is great news! Maybe consider pinging the people you hung out with again though, especially if you haven't in a while!
>finally made the shift from microslop to linux and working on a rpi e reader project.
Congrats, that must be a relief, I never liked messing with windows, and stock is simply not what I am looking for usually. What kinda tat do you plan on rockin'?
>>43721637
>You're actually so tumblr what the fuck
Hah, funky description!
>>43731174
Awh, I am glad you like them. The subjects of these threads can get heavy so I want to provide at least some comfy vibes for people to enjoy.
>>43731834
Always a pleasure to provide, Anon. I am happy to be appreciated like this.

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>>43746893
>>43746902
>>43746927
>I could repurpose them but it's not like I am in short of writing supplies myself.
Frankly it would likely be a great idea to if you haven't gotten a new one yet. Starting as soon as today/tomorrow would be great. If you get stuck what to write we can discuss that.
>Not really but I rather take the previous arrangement where I am strapped of money but basically have all the time in this world to my own, rather living like a gilded prisoner.
On the one hand I think I understand, on the other I must urge you to consider that neither of these are ideal circumstances for growth.
>How could I convince myself to plan for stuff that doesn't pay in the short term?
Hm, it would be worth it to hear how your inner monologue would normally react to plans that don't. You know, the kind of internal reasoning we are up against, if you will.
>I used to "run with scissors" where I would just "plan haphazardly" on the spot.
I understand, and right now the issue is to basically plan how to build a foundation in an environment that is essentially a gilded cage from the way you describe it.
So you almost got out and fled abroad.. hm. Alright, I need to rattle off some stupid questions. You said you're not in the west so I assume there are no abuse helplines, social services or other such things that could be of help in your situation? Even in westoid countries they can't always do much but it is best I ask early.
>I have been literally doing nothing but doing some suckass job my childhood abuser tried to give me because they're not self-aware enough to know they are the root of the problem
>i really feel filthy have to pretend playing house with people I barely care or I actively get disgusted for robbing my years.
>AT LEAST LEARN TO BE SELF AWARE AND TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY
I wish abusers worked like that, I really do. Pieces of shit. Your anger is justified and I hope you can pry yourself out of their claws sooner rather than later.

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>>43732889
Wanna talk about your circumstances a little?
>>43733327
Stupid question first perhaps, but could it be you have been for example raised in a household where people reacted very aggressively or otherwise negatively?
>>43739055
If you are still around to read this, which Anon were/are you?..
>>43754087
That's amazing progress, actually! What is your target, if it's okay to ask?
>>43767129
What a fucking morning that must have been, sorry to hear. I hope you recovered a little by now!

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Enough for tonight, happy pride everyone.

>>43781600
How long did you fast for? How low of a weight did you get to?

>>43784402
Happy pride month anone!

FFS date for July 17th is possible yeah we take those. I've been possibly hondosing myself for like 4 months, but w/ever. Diet is not going well currently because of work
>>43773209
Well yeah I'm not sure how else you'd log sig progress lol
>>43778094
Only thing that worked for me was cico and brute force cardio. (t.103kg to 68kg). I still feel kinda flabby though so might not be the person to ask if you're trying to get super lean (as I'm also trying but I'm not there yet). I end up having to eat at about 1300kcal a day to lose weight unfortunately even with exercise

*paws at you* don't die
*paws at you* don't die
*paws at you* don't die
*paws at you* don't die

>>43784295
>This is great news! Maybe consider pinging the people you hung out with again though, especially if you haven't in a while!
YES i will be doing that and i met a guy who lives in my building. turns out we have the same summer class so we have been hanging out after class!
>Congrats, that must be a relief, I never liked messing with windows, and stock is simply not what I am looking for usually. What kinda tat do you plan on rockin'?
istg it's the best my laptop has felt in ages, pretty much all the stuff i use or games i play work off the shelf and i freed up A LOT of space which winslop hogs. as for the tattoo i found a couple reference line arts of cats and sketched out my own tattoo ^-^

life update times /sig/mas hit a new milestone, down to 185. booked a date for the tattoo, i'm getting it on 15th and i've been leaving my home more often. even if it's a short walk or a cig break i go out for it. gave in to the corporate overlords and started posting on linkedin too :( but hey whatever gets me employed. as always ly all /sig/mas <3 sending virtual hugs and kisses ⊂((・▽・))⊃

Good night

>>43787488
ill try not to

happy pride
i am very alone

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It's been getting really hard to repress properly lately. I need to change something, make some concessions. I'm looking at more extreme forms of masturbation now (sex toys for eStim, long edging and denial, impact play, latex masks, shapewear and clothes for anonymous online exposure, etc), which I've previously also relegated into fantasy as well. Even this is going to be a challenge in my current environment (no privacy, very nosy family, etc) but I think I need to do something like this if I actually want to live to see next year. If anyone has ideas for subby/painful/feminizing/humiliating forms of masturbation, I'd love to hear them.

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>>43715650
>I need to see doctors
>nothing life threatening
Well, at least the second part is good to hear, but I know from experience that even non-life threatening health stuff can be pretty bad, I hope they're able to fix you up quick and good nonny, make sure to give your body and mind the room they need.
>My career path is slowly settling down
Well, in a bubble that sounds like a good thing, but I'm guessing in this case it's not that way, given the context and that you also said your career was pivoting. It's rough being an academic these days huh?
>>43784270
>Loved ones worry about me a little by now, I'm gonna try take things slow.
Well I'm glad to hear that there are people close to you that are able to notice you're struggling. Hopefully they help you and keep you motivated.
>>43715661
>Do keep us posted!
Well, the package isn't in my hands yet, but it did get re-shipped, and it made it to my country, and it did clear customs, so I think the crisis got averted. Tho since it got re-sent via FedEx instead of DHL I did get murdered with fees and now I have no more money left, so that's fun, at least I didn't waste that kind anon's money.
>>43784336
>What a fucking morning that must have been, sorry to hear. I hope you recovered a little by now
It wasn't too bad in the end, I as able to keep awake and lucid through, and even managed to stay awake through the day so I didn't even murder my sleeping schedule.

>>43780072

>>43789393
phew

pg8

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On Monday night, I didn’t sleep at all. So on Tuesday, I washed my sheets and took a walk in the evening to improve my chances of sleeping better. Light exercise like taking a walk can help you sleep. I also read recently that light exercise can even compensate for the negative health effects of poor sleep.

https://theconversation.com/poor-sleep-is-really-bad-for-your-health-but-we-found-exercise-can-offset-some-of-these-harms-163270

Something else I did to make my day easier yesterday was to not focus on the question of whether my life was worth living based on how I felt then. That’s another bit of advice: If you’re having a bad day, and you decide that means you’re having a bad life, that can make your bad day harder than it needs to be.

There’s a Batman comic where the Joker says anyone can become like him, “all it takes is one bad day.” But really, you’ve also got to believe that having one bad day means something about the big picture. Avoid becoming the Joker with this one weird trick.

I’m happy to say I slept great last night, and feel much better today. And even though I felt like shit yesterday I did some simple cooking tasks. I made rice in my rice cooker and boiled some eggs, so today I can make fried rice and egg salad.

i wish i wasn't physically repulsive

>>43774213
>it’s easy to rationalize away how unpleasant it can be to live with your parents
It's a double-edged sword. My family is supportive in so many ways, and we get along pretty well these days. I also get money from my family (again, very privileged...), so I literally cannot complain.

...

But it's so limiting in a lot of way, too. The place where we live is a little isolated. There's nothing to do, no way to meet people. I can't embrace the LGBT stuff because that would mean doing it /right/ under my family's nose. And I'm never alone, because even when my parents are gone, there's still other (even older) family members in the house. I'm out to them as bisexual, to my parents at least, and they took that well. But it's a half-truth and there's something else going on, but I'm not entirely sure of what it is yet myself (probably some gender stuff). One of my therapists keeps hinting at the fact that I need to get laid, but she's an oblivious old person and I don't feel comfortable opening up to her about the fact that it's not so simple. I've tried moving out before, but I always crash back home. I am profoundly incompetent at life.

>it sounds like you’re intellectualizing your feelings too much
I'm bad at naming/recognizing my feelings to begin with. Something bad happened to me roughly a decade ago and I've been feeling more or less the same way ever since, no matter what I do. I've made my peace with that. Even when I achieved my goal last year, it didn't feel like much at all. So my intellect is basically all I have.

>if you let yourself feel your feelings, it’s easier to get back to equilibrium.
How?

>many have regarded a life lived properly as a kind of endeavor in its own right
I guess I don't know what "a life lived properly" even means. I don't have any values. I don't know.

>it is finite
And thank god, too.

I feel like I dumped a lot on you here, Panty. Thanks for the reply. I guess we can always count on you for a good take.

>>43793112
Had a couple of drinks and it's very obvious to me right now that I am a trans girl. No matter – I'll forget about it tomorrow. Life is really very sad.

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>>43770193
>they seem to have gone out of print and they’re expensive now.
Any thoughts on reading digital comics? Years ago when I got into Usagi Yojimbo I tried to pace myself by only reading it as I was able to buy it, but sadly even that quickly became economically unfeasible...

>I am planning on getting ahold of Hellboy soon, which is kind of in that vein.
I though Hellboy was more in the lovecraft realm. But well, I suppose weird fiction is where all of pulp comes from...I've heard Hellboy is pretty good, so can't go wrong with that.

>I guess I like being able to go back and forth between taking in the text and the art.
That's how I read'em too, but it's weird...I find myself struggling to feel like I'm getting the pacing of the page right.

>it is possible for comics to communicate a lot with just visuals, like a painting or film.
Yeah, that part I do love. In fact if you were to give me a "comic" or visual novel that's nothing but visuals, no dialogue, I might actually find that more enjoyable. Just taking in the artwork and trying to piece meaning from it.

>>43772282
>I just feel like maybe my work here is done?
Well, I can only give vague platitudes without knowing your specific circumstance, but to me life is for enjoying things, helping others, trying to do as much good as possible, getting curious about new things constantly. Allow me to doubt that you've done everything you could do, it's likely you're either just in a temporary downtime or maybe feeling from depression. If you have infinite money you've just climbed over the edge to the start point that most people only get to when they reach retirement, now it's time to enjoy life.

>>43780072
>Dad has been completely paranoid for for months
Men love going on about being logical but I've seen this situation play out often. I'm sorry you're going through that, hopefully improving your financial situation improves the overall mood in your household. I've been there and it's not nice.

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>>43793112
>I feel like I dumped a lot on you here, Panty. Thanks for the reply.
It’s enough that you’re willing to hear me out. I’ve gone through what you’re going through, and I know it can make a person crabby, so I don’t take that personally.

>I don't have any values
It doesn’t sound like you’ve really been encouraged to think for yourself or develop values. That keeps you in your family’s good graces, but it impoverishes your interior life.

I’ve burned a few bridges in my time by saying what I think and being myself. But a lot of those people didn’t actually like me either, and now neither of us have to pretend otherwise. I’ve learned from experience that I don’t enjoy getting any amount of creature comfort for not rocking the boat, and clearly neither do you if you think dying might be more pleasant.

>I guess I don't know what "a life lived properly" even means
I didn’t get specific because there’s more than one perspective. I recommend looking into Alan Watts, Zen Buddhism, the book Wisdom of the Idiots, the films of Hayao Miyazaki… Hell, watch Evangelion or FLCL if you haven’t. I also recommend Taroman, which is a kaiju show based on the art and philosophy of a Japanese modern artist. Try a few different things, find messages that you like.

As for how to feel your feelings, I suggest writing down your thoughts in a journal. Get opinionated. Write about what you want and don’t want, what you like and don’t like. It’s something you need to practice, so it won’t be easy at first, and it’ll probably be easier to start with small stuff than big stuff. But as long as you’re describing your own preferences, you’ll be building that skill. As an example of what that looks like, watch this scene from The Simpsons where Ned Flanders is coached into admitting he doesn’t like something:

https://youtu.be/P6AesYoBMs8?si=yDxfm9A1AuBvF_-o

>>43793112
>>43794587
Oh, these 2 posts have a completely different version of events from your original one anon. It's a lot more clear cut now that you're actually being held back quite a lot and not having a good time.
Far from "your work being done", it sounds like your work hasn't even begun.
>I've tried moving out before, but I always crash back home. I am profoundly incompetent at life.
It actually does sound like moving out and becoming financially independence from your parents would be quite an improvement for you, what do you think caused you to crash back home the previous times you tried moving out?

>Had a couple of drinks and it's very obvious to me right now that I am a trans girl. No matter – I'll forget about it tomorrow. Life is really very sad.

I don't think I need to comment on this, I'm sure you yourself realize how this sounds and what you need to do.

>>43794694
>>43794694
>It doesn’t sound like you’ve really been encouraged to think for yourself or develop values.
Define "think for yourself"? I have severely and openly challenged a lot of my parents' opinions, especially their political and aesthetic ones. I admit that my ideas always follow some pre-existing school of thought, as arcane as it may be. So perhaps I'm kind of a drone in that way. The issue is that I don't believe in any of them enough to make sacrifices.

>I’ve learned from experience that I don’t enjoy getting any amount of creature comfort for not rocking the boat
I do like my comfort and I do love my family. I sometimes I hate my family, but I really do love my family. Creature comfort is nice, but I could do without it. I have before. That's not the issue. I'm unhappy. But it can always be worse.

>I recommend looking into Alan Watts, Zen Buddhism, the book Wisdom of the Idiots, the films of Hayao Miyazaki…
I used to listen to Alan Watts or a while. I never read any of his books. Maybe I should do that, on your recommendation (?) I've embraced various religious and philosophical traditions before (namely Hedonism, Sanatana Dharma, Christianity, Taoism, Stirnerian Egoism, a bunch of others), but none of that helped very much.

>I suggest writing down your thoughts in a journal.
I've been keeping a journal for three years now. I love journaling and I spend litrral hours doing it every day. But it's nothing but a chronicle of my unhappiness. The act itself helps me. It feels good. But it has resolved nothing.

>The Simpsons where Ned Flanders is coached into admitting he doesn’t like something
No need to click that, I'm very familiar with that scene. "He said he hates his parents: he's cured!" The issue is that, much like Flanders, I have to repress my rage. I used to not do that. It's not good for anyone.

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>>43794667
>Any thoughts on reading digital comics?
I focus on print because apparently that’s better for your eyes and your brain. I know there are e-readers that are better for your eyes than a smartphone or tablet, but digital comics tend not to be that way. Plus I know how to find physical comics cheap.

>I find myself struggling to feel like I'm getting the pacing of the page right
If you want to judge the pacing, my advice is to think of space on the page as representing time. The more panels it takes for something to happen, the more time has passed. Scott McCloud’s Understanding Comics also goes into depth on the theory and technique of representing the passage of time in comics.

> In fact if you were to give me a "comic" or visual novel that's nothing but visuals, no dialogue, I might actually find that more enjoyable
I know of a few good wordless comics. The Arrival by Shaun Tan, Frank by Jim Woodring and the webcomics by Demian5 / on level32.net. Also, I haven’t read it yet but I understand Gon by Masashi Tanaka is a well-regarded wordless manga about a little dinosaur.

>>43794833
>these 2 posts have a completely different version of events from your original one anon
It's always like that with me. My perspective changes literally every day. I don't know what to believe and what to think.

>you're actually being held back quite a lot and not having a good time.
I am actually consistently miserable. I just put on a happy face most of the time – not only for other people, even for myself and for the internet. My journals are the only place where I'm genuine. I'm in a lot of pain and always have been. I'm drunk right now, so I can say it. But tomorrow, I'll forget about it again. The rationalizations will start working again and I'll keep doing what I always do.

>moving out and becoming financially independence from your parents would be quite an improvement for you
>what do you think caused you to crash back home the previous times you tried moving out?
Financial independence is achievable for me. I've done it before. But I am just so tired of kicking myself, working and "moving forward" (whatever that means). What difference does it make. I'll be dead soon – whether in six months or in sixty years.
I crashed back home always because of social issues/isolation, in one way or another. I could be more specific than that, but I'd rather not be. I am not like other people. I really want to be, but I'm not.

>you yourself realize how this sounds and what you need to do.
Sure, but I won't. It's been getting harder to deal with recently, but I'll develop better copes. I'll find a way to deny it tomorrow: liquor, delusion, social contagion, whatever. I've been doing this for a long time, and I've gotten pretty good at it. It doesn't matter. I can always pull the plug.

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>>43794999
>>43795327

It sounds like your problem is overthinking. I’m reminded of this cartoon of an “illiterate ogre” who’s ashamed of how shallow his understanding of James Joyce’s Ulysses is.

I also had to move back in with my parents more than once. I understand how that type of failure can make you doubt your own judgement. But you can’t stop trying for fear of making a mistake. As you know if you’re aware I’m a regular here, I know from experience that keeping on feels better than giving up. If you keep swinging, eventually you’re going to connect.

One other thing: There are things I need that I’ve only gotten from studying spirituality and philosophy, and there are things I need that I’ve only ever gotten from an SSRI and a shot of estrogen.

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>>43795327
>My perspective changes literally every day. I don't know what to believe and what to think.
Is that really the case? Or are you telling yourself that to try to distract yourself from the things you know are true?

>I am actually consistently miserable. . I just put on a happy face most of the time
I bet. But at least you're aware of it, even if you can only admit it while drunk. It can be though to be emotionally vulnerable with other people, that and what you mentioned about your therapist being an older woman with whom you don't feel comfortable opening up are frankly probably making it so you're wasting your therapy sessions. Getting ahead of myself a bit, but you're probably depressed, an inability to feel good about achieving things is almost textbook definition. It's probably in part because you're repressing, tho there might ofc be more to it, it is very common for repressed trannies to express similar feelings to what you're expressing here.
You seem smart tho, and you're self aware enough to realize what you're doing, when you're sober make sure to reflect on that, be honest to yourself, you're not in a good spot, you have to change things, I don't just mean transitioning, but being able to be your own person.

>I am just so tired of kicking myself...
The difference is that 60 years living a happy and fulfilled life are far better than 60 years of a miserable life nonny. You must know this, I'm sure you know that being happy feels good, you've no doubt experienced it before.

>social issues/isolation, in one way or another
Do you struggle to find companionship? It can be hard, especially if you are used to isolation, and only vibe with certain kinds of people. I won't force you to open up further ofc, but any more detail you're happy sharing would help finding more useful advice

>I'll develop better copes
And I'm sure you're also self-aware enough to realize that these are not the actions of a healthy person doing what they should be doing.

>Wall of text general

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>>43798032

>>43789350
Sir, this is self improvement general not ruin-your-life general. While you still have an ounce of sense in you tell an accountabilibuddy about this issue and throw out your AGP clothes. You won't be a woman, and that's okay. Next time you start having the irresistible desire to get off placing yourself as the woman, try to instead invert it to being the man on top. You can even try to give yourself a fetish for it if you make it nasty in your head, give yourself AAP!
I know it is really hard, but please, you really don't want to go down that path... It ends up in really bad places.

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>>43799031
It's very weird sticking around a nice place trying to shit it up.

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I'm not interested in anyone who likes me in real life or online because of a oneitis from 2023 that I'm still fixated on the fantasy of, even if I know 100% the real deal isn't like that for better and worse. how the fuck do I learn to like people, and even better, can someone tell me what liking someone even feels like because my dopamine receptors are fried on lightning in a bottle toxic or abusive relationships even though I just want a normal life, but now everyone else's idea of a normal and healthy relationship just seems so boring I could die. I've considered having a consensually out there relationship with someone like me, but I ultimately want to be as healthy and happy as I can, not be stuck with someone anti recovery

>>43798857
hot

I feel sadness, regret, shame and fear.

*paws at you* page 7
*paws at you* page 7
*paws at you* page 7
*paws at you* page 7

>>43798032
>digital psych ward general

>>43802766
Trvth Nvke

page 9 bump

>>43802766
>>43802835
bump gen

>>43801608
Me too.

Wanna share why?

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>>43805362
>waiting for RN to make the rounds gen

My mind is driving me crazy.

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>>43808019
oh u think u know crazy well try and make sense of this pic, thiss is real crazy

>>43808138
>pic
wtf am i even looking at

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>>43808149
idk man its been like 10 minutes and i still aint figured it out, i think the prioning has begun

>>43808164
lmao same

>>43808138
long ass neck and face

It's so easy to just forget to drink water for a few hours on these hot days and then... OUCH!!!

>>43810055
make some lemonade and drink it through the day ^-^
helps stay hydrated + after consuming sugar you'd need water so won't forget water either

>>43806586
>I'm sorry that I have to be the one to tell you this, but I'm afraid it's terminal. The West has fallen. Billions will die. There's nothing we can do

Thinking about joining the goth subculture. I actually think it's a little cringe, but I feel like countercultural and subcultural spaces are probably the only ones where I can find people I'd vibe with

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>>43811019
to be cringe is to be free. you must do what you can to be around people you vibe with.

pg7

p9

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So touch starved. I have a 6’2 friend that we’ve been hanging out for a few years now. We held hands tipsy at a bar once but he made it seem like he had harbored feelings for a while… that was 6 months ago. Ever since then it’s been buddy buddy and I even invited him over last night and cooked him dinner and watched a movie, I thought for sure we would have our usual tension and we might kiss or something. He gave me a hipless hug when I dropped him back off at his house. His arms are so huge around me and it always made me melt, he usually gives me a big hug and I get to be in heaven for a sec, but I just can’t get him to budge at all.

I don’t get it. I’m 5’6, averagely attractive and very active/fit. I’m in my tomboy season but he never had an issue with that before, I was even more butch when we held hands. I just don’t know why I have to beg some guys to make the slightest move when I’ve been fucked with PASSION by ex quarterback types from tinder, like hours of multiple orgasms and being picked up, etc. I’m not an e girl type but I pass reasonably well despite not being stunning. I’m kind of homely sometimes I guess but when doll up I get lots of compliments…

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>>43814822
>he usually gives me a big hug and I get to be in heaven for a sec
>I’ve been fucked with PASSION by ex quarterback types from tinder
>when doll up I get lots of compliments…
>So touch starved
I'm jealous that you will never have to learn what that word actually means.

>>43814822
hot pic

sillymaxxed too hard i have the summer free and i have no one to hang out with o(--(

life is really hard when everyone hates you

>>43819513
life aint shit when you hate everybody

im fat and im scared if i lose weight ill look more manly and idk what to do.

got my hair cut for the first time in literal years and i look so much better it's not even funny. like i instantly went from looking like a rat to looking kind of cute it's bizarre

>>43819922
how did they do it?

>>43819922
oh yeah i'm same anon as >>43784270
btw. didn't know that was still an active link
>>43716688
anyway, it went well!

>>43728153
Recently got into a relationship with my gf (boymoder), and I wanted to try to be as fit as possible so she likes me….
Could go terribly wrong but we both wanna try things out so it’s probably worth the effort.

>>43819931
i mean it had grown out for years without even a proper trim, so it was really damaged and unruly to begin with. decided to go shorter with it (was quite long, now it's above my shoulders),
cleaned it up, added layers and some semblance of a... SHAPE to it, for the first time in a long time? idk how to describe it well sorry.

>>43820089
if i go they will cut all of my hair off and then gouge my eyes out

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>>43819745
If you don’t like your weight, lose weight. I used to justify not trying to lose weight by saying I didn’t like the way I looked when I was skinnier either.

If you’re unhappy enough, it’s hard to believe that you can really make anything better. Opening yourself up to worse disappointment by becoming invested in an outcome is scary. But it feels good to try.

Don’t psych yourself out worrying about how you’ll look after you’ve lost the weight. Just focus on losing the weight for now. First things first.

>>43728153
I scheduled an appointment with a therapist to talk through all these feelings I'm having and hopefully will help me figure out how to accept things. I got a gym membership I used to be /fit/ and I miss it.
Stay tuned I guess.

Good night

When walking back from school today a guy asked me for the time with the right pronoun, I sighted and gave it to him in my completely untrained man voice kinda sad I had to break the male fail, and I heard him say that I was gorgeous as I was walking off.
That felt nice, even if it was just courtesy.

>>43821693
gmornin

>>43819745
I lost 30kg and I feel so much better all the time it's so worth it. Idk how long you've been on hrt but after a period of time gaining muscle just makes you look like a fit woman and it goes to the right places

pleeease anons do exercise your body was made to do it I wish I could go back in time and slap myself

>>43806452
>Wanna share why?
Sadness over the way my life has turned out, the state of the world, the way everyone suffers. Regret for having wasted my youth, hurting many people close to me, rejecting the only person I ever felt something like love for. Shame for the way I am and the way I think/speak/act. Fear of other people's anger, ridicule and rejection.

>>43825063
>Sadness over the state of the world, the way everyone suffers
>Shame for the way I am and the way I think/speak/act
>Fear of other people's anger, ridicule and rejection

You’ve summed it up pretty well yourself that it takes courage to be the change we want to see in the world.

I realize you mentioned some things about your personal relationships and history, and that’s important as well, just something of a separate topic.

I really agonized over depressing news stories for a while myself. Eventually I adjusted to the idea that my private misery over all this injustice wasn’t helping anybody. Compassion is meant to be shared.

Something else that has helped me is instead of reacting to the possibility that somebody will make fun of me, I just say, “I’ll deal with it if somebody actually does that.” I’ve accomplished a lot of things I was afraid to do that way.

have a lovely weekend sillies. i'll be drinking coffee and smoking this weekend ^-^
ly all <3 ⊂((・▽・))⊃

>>43825403
It doesn't really matter. Thanks for the advice tho

>>43728153
>Exercise Edition
I'm going to start exercising with my Erebus 80 again! It's a good way to also get me to have a healthier diet, move more, do more cardio and stuff

>>43827222
>Erebus 80
108 eddies for one of the ugliest dildos I've ever seen? What's the appeal?

>>43728153
does anyone here have a lot of experience with skincare stuff? ive really neglected my skin for a while and theres so much contradicting information that im really not sure which direction to go in after the absolute most beginning step. would really appreciate being pointed in the right direction or talking on discord if possible

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sometimes when i would go to a house party or a rave or anywhere really i would see these trans women who are obviously so happy and confident with who they are and i feel such a sickening jealousy like nothing i've ever felt. they get to live as themselves, they didn't miss their chance or spend years and years biding their time, they had support and friends and people to help them and they're seen and loved as women and sisters and daughters. it's ruined my life knowing that some people have exactly what i've wanted for years just because they didn't get lost on the way like i did. some of them are lucky enough to have never truly lived a single day as a man. almost every woman on earth had their mother to raise them and to teach them and pass down their knowledge, just like how a father teaches his son to shave. i didn't have that and likely never will. yeah the only way out is through and that it all depends on your own effort but i am genuinely too fucking weak to fix myself. i do what i can to comfort myself and manage my appearance, i have a skin and hair routine, i file and shape my nails, pluck my brows, etc and it provides at least a small relief knowing that maybe i'm seen as a feminine man instead of a masculine one. occasionally someone will hint that they know or genuinely ask if i'm trans and i feel so disgusted with myself regardless how i answer because either way it just exemplifies my own indecisiveness and non-commitment. and i want to commit so fucking bad every day of my life but i know i will never end up where i want to be. people say that passing isnt everything but how can i want to keep living when i look in the mirror and only see a man who is pretending to be a crude fascimilie woman, knowing that everyone who i've ever spoken to sees the same thing.

>>43829068
I want to know how to stop my face from being oily all day after I shower
I've tried a few different methods of post-shower moisturizing and no matter what I try or how much I put on it's the same result

>>43829006
Purely functional: a taper to facilitate girth training, getting wider at just the right speed so it doesn't force second hole work and isn't a tuna can situation either, good suction cup, lower risk of chinesium butt cancer.

>>43830107
If you're an AMAB with GD, you're categorically not a man. We don't really consider an infertile woman with really bad PCOS (or vaginal agenesis) a man, the only difference is whether your intersex condition happened to limit itself to your brain (and some other hidden stuff). You are a woman, with a really shitty medical condition, and you're doing what you can at the moment. With a more supportive support system, you can be able to do more and feel happier. I hope you end up with such a system.
You still manage more than some others do, some can't even manage to brush their teeth often enough, be proud of your ability to do as much as you can despite the mental horror you're living in.
About the indecisiveness and non-commitment, I don't know if this might work, but maybe try sneaking in small new habits, that slowly move you further along. Hair length, hair care, slightly more androgynous clothing than last month/season, voice training "for the memes" if you can handle it (tragically it's often easier for cis men than trans women).
As for the others that appear so happy and confident, some of them do want to put a barrel in their mouth. For example I appear happy, confident, social, but I'm glad I don't have access to a gun, and I don't even have to deal with GD.
I wish you a more peaceful and happier future, I hope a group of exactly the people you need finds you to make things easier.

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I gained 5 pounds just in the last month. I'm so close to my old goal weight I never thought I'd reach.
I saw an inspirational quote recently that said "remember you once dreamed of being where you are". and I think for the first time in a while, that really is true for me.
I just scheduled my srs date, I'm finally done with the months of trying to get letters from psychs, I have a boyfriend now and we went on a cute date today, I'm working through shit in therapy.
I hope I can hopepill some of you. I'm so glad I didn't kill myself two years ago.

>>43808019
What's on your mind bunosoe?

>>43810055
I keep a glass of water within reach all day, not even as a conscious decision, but it helps to stay hydrated.

>>43819513
I severely doubt everybody hates you anon, what do you mean? Are you talking about the political mood?

>>43819745
In my own experience that doesn't happen, if you're not on HRT you will invariably look girlier moderately thin, if you're HRT it's a toss-up but you'll keep good pouches of the right fat even if you lose weight.

>>43821028
Good luck anon, I can't wait to hear back.

pg9?

What a fucking week.

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>>43767747
>I can't not think about where it would lead to because that's what I'd be there for, and the thought of it makes me want to clam up
Hm, that's very understandable of course, it is a difficult thought to suppress.
>yes, I have meds and psychological help which im very grateful for
>it's been extremely effective at preventing the illness from getting worse, but not that effective at making me better
I am glad you receive medical care at least, sorry to hear the side effects suck. And yes, the meds can't fix things that are related to tangible sources of misery outside of brain chemistry fuck ups. Chances are spending a great deal of time in your room is very much not good for you. It will deprive you of the energy to go about day to day things, and usually contributes to depressive spirals.
>I spend the vast majority of my time in my room (a messy desk and a bed) or at the hospital
>there's a park near where I live, I sometimes go for a walk there but it quickly gets boring
One thing that would be a great start would be trying to establish a bit of structure in your life that has you go out frequently, this is both for your physical and mental health. As much as it sucks trivial things like this can affect us in quite insidious ways. A park could be a good place to get some physical exercise in on a regular basis, if you can imagine trying that out, or listen to audio books, for example. It doesn't have to be something massive, for now I am looking for an anchor point we can habituate into your life. Our original subject was your unhealthy relationship with porn iirc. Tell me, what goals do you have in mind that you feel are being actively hindered by your current state? Also, more broadly, how is your relationship with schedules in general? Was adhering to them something that comes naturally to you or do you prefer more flexibility?
>>43769085
>>43775590
>my tummy still burns but I got some medicine
Glad you got some meds by now, how is your status?

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>>43771524
>Im manipulative
In what way, Anon?
>>43778094
Same as Navy, essentially. My main success came from CICO, minor experimenting with IF but nothing groundbreaking. I lost 30-40kg without exercise over the course of a year and change.
>>43784002
It is far from uncommon, at the very least. If you feel alone and helpless it is a good idea to lean on people and discuss what can be done given your specific circumstances. One of the first things you gotta learn in situations like this is that you are not expected to figure everything out on your own.
>>43784550
Finally a concrete date, congrats!
>>43787585
>turns out we have the same summer class so we have been hanging out after class!
Oh, lucky!
>istg it's the best my laptop has felt in ages, pretty much all the stuff i use or games i play work off the shelf and i freed up A LOT of space which winslop hogs.
A lot of things have gotten streamlined as hell I feel, especially in the past 10-15 years. It's a great time to switch in my book, absolutely.
>as for the tattoo i found a couple reference line arts of cats and sketched out my own tattoo ^-^
Oh cute! Also, congrats reaching a new milestone!
>started posting on linkedin too
Commiserations, I still hope to escape that fate.. still, wishing you a successful job hunt!

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Slowly catching up I suppose..
>>43630708
>>43631076
>>43780072
Heya, bunon!
>I hope they're able to fix you up quick and good nonny, make sure to give your body and mind the room they need.
As far as I can tell things are alright again but I will need to keep an eye on it!
>It's rough being an academic these days huh?
It is in any time period, there is not much that can be done, I persevere. And don't worry, I have plenty of support.
>it made it to my country, and it did clear customs
Thank fuck! The fact you got drowned in fees sucks though, of course. The money troubles brewing on your end in general are deeply concerning, and I am sorry to hear you are this cornered presently.
>I have nothing to aim for these days, it's all a gamble.
>Going to college was a waste of time and money. All I do is fail.
I am sorry things are like this right now, by the way.
>Sorry for venting too much, just needed to get it off my mind so I can go back to job searching.
>I am so done with this country and this collection of family members always looking for drama.
I don't know what is up with your father but it is very clear that whatever is up with him borders on pathological. I am sure this is neither the first nor last time I said this, Christ.
>>43789350
So you are essentially repping because of your environment.. sadly I can't say there is much I can suggest there, but I would like to know more about what your plans for getting out of there are, medium term?
>>43798032
Necessarily, at its core. If people don't open up about their personal stuff then there is not much to suggest or do.

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yeah so how do I keep going for my loved ones even though everything is hard, no one can save, and even though I understand it will get better I just don't care about anything and wouldn't even once it does because I am a literal schizo and don't feel pleasure or excitement anymore at my baseline. a fleeting moment where I enjoy something every few months isn't cutting it. healthy living mentally and physically, having hobbies, touching grass, making memories, and a good and large support network. tired of people saying a relationship is never the solution when its the only thing that makes me feel anything but insipidness for most of my life. I wish I was exaggerating for attention, genuinely

>>43835222
Go back to tumblr

>>43835491
cute bird

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I'm finally taking a long vacation later this year. I'm not sure where I'm going to go yet, but I really need to get away from everything. It doesn't even have to be that far away, maybe France or Greece. I wasn't sure if I was going to go at all until recently, but I really need this. I'm a little anxious but I'm sure I'll figure it out
/blogpost

>>43835185
ikr?

Will update again as soon as I can.
Need to take care of a awful situation.

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does anyone have some skin and hair care advices? preferably with brand recommendations. because whenever I search for some it's always either simple 50 step daily routine or someone saying that using 5 things in total is more then enough and I don't think either of them are right but the problem is with how much myths exist around the whole topic and how often people talk about stuff they do instead of stuff that actually works
>>43721146
the first dog was an idea both me and my mom had but she's gone for few months so now I have to take care of it but it's still easier to take care of one dog most of the time then it was taking care of two of them half of the time
I could text them if the old group chat is still active or message them directly individually but idk if I'll do it in the end idk I can't even think about it now really
and I can't really make myself treat biking as something like that because I know I can just not do it and nothing will happen not to mention how much time it takes me to take care of myself and how easy it is for me to forget about stuff like that desu I don't remember thinking about it once since I posted about it here and it's another reason for why I'm sleep walking through life right now

>>43840261
also fuck you chan for putting that flag on me, I know what I am but still fuck you

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>>43840261
For hair care, here’s an article about ingredients in shampoo that you should avoid:
https://terilynadams.com/bad-ingredients-in-shampoo-to-know-and-avoid/

I’ve been using a scalp massager like pic related in the shower for a few years now, and I would recommend it. They’re pretty easy to find also.

Also, when I shower I start with the water warm, which is best for getting yourself clean, then when I’m rinsing off I gradually make the water colder. This is supposed to be good for your hair and skin.

I’ve been taking a collagen powder supplement for the past couple of years and I’ve noticed my skin feels softer and clearer. This is also something I told my doctor I was doing and they didn’t think it was dangerous or a waste of time.

If you want to cut through the noise on skincare, I would recommend searching for articles and videos made by dermatologists. Pay attention to what they say the good chemicals are and how they work. That’s the best way to escape the analysis paralysis: Draw your own conclusions about what’s good and why. Hope this helps!

>>43841212
I need a cute girl/twink to massage my head.

>>43835222
Just to avoid confusion, the anon that was waiting for an HRT package was not bunon :P

I'm glad your health stuff went alright tho, hearing that someone is having issues with their health can be mild or it can be quite bad.

Good night

>>43835213
>especially in the past 10-15 years
fr fr istg, i remember the first time i tried linux in like 2017. it's day and night compared from back then!
>Commiserations, I still hope to escape that fate.. still, wishing you a successful job hunt!
hopefully things get better and linkedin dies somehow o(--(

hai /sig/mas! time for more life updates, been studying for summer class and damn i did not expect things to be this fast paced. on the bright side that leaves me with a free july, i'll take whatever i can get ^-^ been working out more consistently and gaining some newbie muscles, life is good! years of being a fat fuck gave me good legs, i'll take that as a semi win- meow i'm so excited for the tattoo :3 anyways as always ly all /sig/mas <3 sending virtual hugs and kisses ⊂((・▽・))⊃

>>43784324
I will not answer the questions right now I probably will instead give a breaking life update:
I regret techinng myself how to vomit on command, I really felt the feelings of shame because "really? I have to stoop so low to this method?"
the problem is I rather be 5 kgs lower and it's just easier to say that it's not socially acceptable for me to eat too little (because apparently everyone engages in feederism), else I will be bombarded with too many questions, so I compensate by attempting to empty my stomach and skipping meals whenever possible.
it's really not great. I don't feel like doing this again, I feel really ugly when I have to vomit. However, it is currently the only thing I can do to control my circumstances right now.

I've been working full time for a year now and I have a good amount of money saved up and I want to get my own place but I'm genuinely worried I'm too retarded to take proper care of myself financially or in general

I'm fine with the idea of splitting rent but I don't know that many people irl and i have no idea how to be a roommate or deal with roommates

>>43841836
gmornin

>>43841222
if you live in eu and can deal with someone who is constantly on a verge of mental breakdown we can arrange some stuff

>>43842239
>Frankly it would likely be a great idea to if you haven't gotten a new one yet. Starting as soon as today/tomorrow would be great. If you get stuck what to write we can discuss that.
I did got my hands on some seemingly unused notebooks. sometimes I journal on loose papers but sometime I get stuck for minutes and end up writing nothing.
Like typing on a computer is faster.
>On the one hand I think I understand, on the other I must urge you to consider that neither of these are ideal circumstances for growth.
Yeah it's funny that you just get stuck for different reasons
either no money to pay/gamble for goods/services that might or might not improve your growth or literally strapped for time I have to steal time whenever possible.
> You said you're not in the west so I assume there are no abuse helplines, social services or other such things that could be of help in your situation?
Lol they will just let the abusers know that they're in problem and in turn will abuse you in ways you never expected before.
we don't even have unemployment support.
all social security falls to the family.
I will reply the rest of the questions later.

We had a family emergency last night.
It was bad.

Everything is being taken care of now, everything is in place for them to come home.
Everyone is safe and stable at least.

I don't want to explain too much yet, until I know why everything happened and how to handle it.

Once I have all the facts and I manage to get everyone settled, then I will explain.

I am tired, hopefully I might get some time for a power nap before helping again.

>>43843045
Im listening...

>>43845351
I'm a guy looking hon and I live in one of the slavic hellholes and am desperate for a human connection that's all but knowing the rough ethnicity of this board I doubt you live anywhere close to any of those

>>43842961
nightie night

>>43832536
Thanks fren, I'm so lonely with my thoughts. I'm in the closet and I can't talk about it with anyone not even my gf. Thanks for leaving a reply it's so unbelievably lonely it hurts that I have no one to talk to about my sexuality or identity.

>>43844816
All is settled for now.
Will explain more when I have a full night of rest.

>>43835222
>Heya, bunon!
Hello, Siganon.
It's wonderful to hear from you again :)

>I am sorry things are like this right now, by the way
It's okay, I just needed to get that off of my chest, I can move forward but I need to handle this life better.

>I don't know what is up with your father but it is very clear that whatever is up with him borders on pathological
I believe it is as well.
It's not just him getting upset, it's the fact that its a pain to get support from him when it is absolutely needed.

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Bump from page 9!

>>43849276
Feel free to vent here, it's no replacement for comfort directly from people who are your friends, but someone's always reading, and sometimes replying.
Sorry to hear about your situation. Nothing worse than feeling scared to open up even to the person you love. I went through that too at some point.

>>43853065
Thank you so much anon. I just really need help figuring it all out. I repressed the feeling of being sexually and romantically attracted to men for years. Ever since I was a kid I've tried on women's clothing in secret and it felt right. A few years ago I started doing it far more regularly and every since then the desire to want to fully identify is a female gets stronger and stronger. I'm fine enough with my assigned gender (it's okay I guess) but being feminine makes me feel significantly more relaxed and safe I guess. I feel such a rush of comfort and peace that I never feel. I'm not sure if this is what gender euphoria is. When I'm not presenting as feminine I get all disgusted like I can't accept it like I can't possibly be trans. I'm sorry for the mess of thoughts and if I offend anyone I'm new and have almost no clue what is going on anymore. It's just so lonely being like this and I can't take it anymore. Knowing some anon here may relate does make things feel a tad better.

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Why does sexuality even matter when i will never have love or sex or compassion anyway

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>>43853421
> I repressed the feeling of being sexually and romantically attracted to men for years.
>Ever since I was a kid I've tried on women's clothing in secret and it felt right.
Well, these 2 things while often packaged together are separate matters. You could be just a gay/bi man if it's just the first one, who you like and what you are don't have to be related. But imo the second one could be a sign that you're trans. Femboys exist ofc, but in my experience crossdressers are almost always repressing (I doubt it's a coincidence so many femboys are from kinda phobic countries like Poland and Russia).

>When I'm not presenting as feminine I get all disgusted like I can't accept it like I can't possibly be trans
desu yeh that is also prob relatable for a lot of trannies. The perception of trans people isn't super positive, so when you start thinking you might be one, it feels very wrong, if you don't have a supportive environment that makes it way worse.

Not trying to convince you of anything ofc, everybody has to decide for themselves what they want from their identity and their life. Just expressing that it sounds familiar.

>It's just so lonely being like this and I can't take it anymore.
Is there a reason you don't think you can talk to your gf about this? Don't think she'd be happy about it?

>>43784324
>Hm, it would be worth it to hear how your inner monologue would normally react to plans that don't. You know, the kind of internal reasoning we are up against, if you will.
Okay, let's for example use the second phone example.
What I did is go a phone comparison website, and compare for a phone that the specs I want in a phone, turns out i end up trying for a getting the most phone for my bucks and not really want to relent on that. I like went to secondhand phone brick and mortar stores and scouted like 15 stores in two days (they're expensive because have to pay for rent and being a middlemen they have to get some revenue), tried going to private seller on P2P marketplace platforms, none really replied and the the stocks aren't really a lot of them, and they're not exactly cheap.
tried going into an e-commerce site and messaged all the sellers and turns out most secondhand phones are updated to the latest software, which I kinda want to avoid.
I think from this example that that I tend to overplan and have backup plan for my backup plan and that kinda put me in in perpetual analysis paralysis + anxiety spiral and end up wasting too much plan executing a simple plan.

>>43853467
why's that cat so upset?

I stopped being a useless fuckup neet and went back to school and actually tried and I'm doing really well :D

I had a far out dream of going to med school if I graduate and its looking like my gpa is competitive enough to apply

>>43855535
congrats

>>43853590
I appreciate your thoughts helps a lot. As for the gf I really don't know what she would do. She's not transphobic I just don't want to hurt her or have it negatively impact our relationship long term. I don't really want to say anything until I have a more concrete understanding of myself. I'm recognizing that not addressing these thoughts and feelings is only going to get more and more damaging for me. I think it's time I actually start working through it, I hope talking to a therapist helps. I think removing the layers of shame would be a good first step. I just wish there were small things I can do to feel more feminine if that makes sense.

how do i make peace with my autism? it makes presenting female really hard because being visibly autistic is super male coded. (weird posture, gait, facial expressions)

>>43835203
>One thing that would be a great start would be trying to establish a bit of structure in your life that has you go out frequently
I can do this
>what goals do you have in mind that you feel are being actively hindered by your current state?
I don't have proper goals
I just want to exist and feel as little pain as possible, and right now being an addict causes me a lot of mental pain
>Also, more broadly, how is your relationship with schedules in general?
I like having a schedule but it's difficult to actually stick to it
>Was adhering to them something that comes naturally to you or do you prefer more flexibility?
I don't like flexibility, it gives me room to be lazy and self indulgent

>>43853467
It really doesn't, for our type. You may still pick a label, like everyone else, but I suggest you find something else to define yourself through.

>>43728153
I'm an 18 year old cis guy and I have thoughts of becoming a woman (not sexually) like maybe 2 times a year for about a week before they go away? I usually just blame it on obsessive compulsive disorder or something, but this time around I'm wondering if it might be something else. Anybody here have advice?

>>43855242
real

How do you help yourself and other people through trauma?

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>>43860595
A good way to think of trauma is the trope of the Vietnam flashback — You get reminded of something upsetting that happened to you in the past and suddenly you’re reliving it in your head. So the process of recovering from trauma is figuring out what you’re flashing back to and why, what reminds you of that event, and changing the way you react to it.

Eventually, as you build up your tolerance to this distress by doing things like grounding and self soothing exercises, it will get easier to realize that that thing you’re remembering isn’t happening again, and being reminded of it will be less upsetting and disruptive.

As for helping other people through trauma, I feel like I need to start by saying it makes a difference how aware the other person is that they’re dealing with trauma and how receptive they are to help with that problem.

But even if they don’t think they have a problem with trauma and don’t like therapy words, you can support them by telling them it’s okay to feel the way they feel in that moment, and remind them that they won’t feel that way forever.

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Okay, I’m ready to stop soft boiling eggs when I mean to hard boil them. FUCK! Why is this so complicated?

>>43861477
I have named timers in my clock app (I use these https://www.fossify.org/apps/)

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>>43861675
Thank you for the app recommendation, I’m going to look into that.

I posted about this when I was majorly in my feelings, probably because I hadn’t eaten dinner yet.

Also, wasting food by cooking it wrong and not knowing why something turned out wrong are pretty big triggers for me.

What I came up with was that I’m going to try putting the eggs into the water while I’m bringing the water to a boil, and possibly just cooking the eggs for longer. Everything I can find says 12 minutes but 12 minutes is clearly not cutting it. I’m also going to try boiling one egg at a time until I’m sure I’ve got the method down. I’ve got to find a reliable way to hard boil an egg in my kitchen, not flip out because what works in someone else’s kitchen doesn’t work in mine. I want to learn how to do this but I’ve got to treat practice as practice. The fewer eggs I fuck up learning the better.

>>43863144
btw when hard boiling eggs you should transfer them to a pot of cold water when time's up so that they don't continue to (over)cook inside after being removed from the boiling water

>>43863163
I am putting them in cold water as soon as I take them off the burner but they keep coming out soft boiled. Not every time but too often. I’m pretty sure that means I’m not cooking them long enough.

pg9
Anybody got advice for adhd symptoms?

>>43864390
I don't know what you're specifically struggling with however some things that me manage are exercising heavily and frequent walks. Using physical pen and paper to do lists. Listening to music when working.

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I want to improve but I think I really might just be a monster.

I got dumped last year and I’m only now realizing what an awful person I am deep down. For a few years, I thought I was improving and that transition was healing me, that all of my years of feeling lost and broken were just chalked up to years of repression after coming out in 2008 as a teen, but no. Every action I’ve taken is just a step further into gross self indulgence and isolation.

The worst part is that she was the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I remember sobbing after our first date. I was just off of a streak of one night stands and was just having fun with my transition, and then it’s like my entire world stopped. I had never met someone who shook me to my core the way she did, even the moment we said hi, it was just like time froze. I immediately fumbled and spent the whole date feeling apologetic for swiping on someone who was clearly so amazing. But she let me in and we had the most instant connection. I remember crying afterward because I had never met someone like her, never fallen in love that hard, and I knew that deep down I would somehow ruin it or hurt her.

For the next year we fell deeply in love and I did everything I could to impress and keep her in my life. Slowly I started to realize that I not only loved her, but I was developing a seriously unhealthy codependent desire to merge with her. Even now, I wish we weren’t separate. I don’t wish my presence on her but deep down I still want what I want, as ashamed as I am for it. I’m like a vampire, I want her light. I want to look like her, live like her. I think the only redeeming part of me is that I wouldn’t want to do so at her expense. The idea of draining her makes me want to die. And yet I feel like a parasite who would inevitably sick her dry if I was given the chance.

Luckily she broke up with me. We’re still friends but she doesn’t text or visit like we used to. Secretly this makes me happy.

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>>43864903
The worst part is, this wasn’t puppy love or something. I’m fucking 30 years old and have had many serious relationships. All of which ended because I eventually got lazy and the relationship became untenable. Whenever I get into a relationship I relax and let my guard down and go back to my childhood habits. But it just fucking destroys me and everyone else.

My definition of “lazy” used to be most peoples’ “normal” but I’ve reached such a low after this relationship, I just sunk into being a complete normie. I used to be known as the athlete of my friend group but my legs are getting so fucking fat and I barely get exercise anymore. I’m completely “addicted” to my phone and constant entertainment and I don’t even know why. Every time I stop I just start sobbing. I can’t even figure out why. Just, the world and my own existential dread and loneliness feel so fucking heavy. Especially with Trump in office, which was the “cause” of my first big breakdown that strained our relationship.

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>>43864929 (You) #
I’m lazy, envious, and worst of all, a “dreamer” aka I like to spend more time imagining and consuming than making plans or actions. And then I throw fits when life feels hard. This has only gotten worse since starting HRT and getting in touch with my emotions. My emotions are a bottomless pit. If I had it my way, I would spend all my time hiding, browsing the internet and making “art”. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I used to have discipline. I used to be accountable to my friends. I used to inspire people. Now I’m just a Nice Guy in a transfem body.

I can’t believe how long I thought she was going to want to get back together. I spent 8 months deluding myself that she was actually unhappy and that I was too and that we’d get back together. But no. She left because I lied about leaving my job, being paranoid about the world and being generally unreliable, and the last straw was gaining 15 pounds which made me look chopped as fuck. We were planning a whole future together and I couldn’t prioritize her over my stupid short term pleasures. I feel more parasite than human.

I would spend hours and hours busting my ass at work and fantasizing about building our future together, going on long runs to stay in shape for her, and at the end of the day, not being fully present for her or making real sacrifices to build our future. I just spun my fucking wheels and robbed Peter to pay Paul every single day; making one sacrifice but then indulging in a vice somewhere else in life. The worst part is that I have literally done this cycle so many times in my life. It’s so repetitive and I never learn. I always think I’ve figured it out and every friendship and relationship ends in exactly the same way. Then I conveniently get amnesia when the effort really counts

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>>43863144
>>43861477
Every stove is different so you'll have to figure out what works for yours. But IMO when you're hard boiling an egg you can't really overcook it, best to leave there for longer, if 12mins isn't cutting it maybe try 15, a few mins makes a huge difference. I generally put the egg in while the water is cold and boil it on medium hit to prevent them from bursting.

Now, soft boiling an egg? That I will never figure out how to do, even if you cool it well, peeling is a nightmare.

>>43857366
It sounds like you're thinking about it well. Def talk to a therapist about it, and try to work through your feelings about it as you said, figuring yourself out can take a while.

The only contribution I can make is anecdotal, when I began my transition I though my at the time gf wouldn't get it, so I kept pushing telling her about it, she found out without me telling her IIRC and if what she said at the time was honest, turns out that she was more upset that I had kept it from her than by the fact itself. Said that she would have been understanding of it if I had been honest with her from getgo. Not everybody is the same ofc, but well.

>>43728153
my question is about ideal self image/weight. what do you consider to be an optimal weight for yourself? also does you sense of self imagine change more so that you start thinking that you could always be in better shape? coming from a person who is 19.3 bmi, with the legacy bmi index, not the new cheeseburgerized one

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>>43865360
>Every stove is different so you'll have to figure out what works for yours
>if 12mins isn't cutting it maybe try 15, a few mins makes a huge difference
>I generally put the egg in while the water is cold and boil it on medium heat

That’s what I’m realizing. I default to following instructions of a recipe to the letter, so lateral thinking like this can be a challenge for me. But now I’ve got some new tweaks to try and some new things to keep in mind.

Thanks to everyone who replied to me about this. One way or another I’m going to learn how to do this.

>>43867951
Panty is a cute!

>>43866407
I appreciate your anecdote. I really haven't thought about it like that. She has jokingly said I look bi or whatever. She has hinted at dressing me up as female a few times. We've been together for so long now I don't want to hurt her. On the flip side I would love for us to go shopping together makeup and all that stuff. I think I'm looking at all of this too negatively.

p8

Having a horrific day for dysphoria, not sure why since I had a round of laser earlier and was able to not have to do male socialisation shit for once, ran 5 miles, I'd wanted to run a 10k, but I had stomach ache at 5k in and just couldn't continue.
>>43858539
Dysphoria, however fleeting, is still dysphoria. If you are experiencing distress from not being a woman during those time periods, then that may be an issue that will get worse (it depends if you have always had this or if it has developed after puberty started).
I'm not saying you have to transition or going to push you that way, but that kind of level of dysphoria is what I was able to repress myself down to by the time I was around your age (my distress from dysphoria became noticeable at 13, increased till I was 16/17 and then I was able to bash it down between 18-22).
I will say this, if you experience distress from this (ie: fits of hopelessness, depression, neglect of self-care, etc) and it gets more frequent or has gotten more frequent as you age (ie: as you masculinise further), then you should probably do something, because I tried the repper option and letting my body mutilate just fucked me over.
Also, there is a heavy need for introspection on why you might have those thoughts (what is the source of the desire) or what "becoming a woman" means to you individually. "I think it would be cool to have tits" isn't going to yield the same answer as "I find male social games horrific and being associated with them makes me want to rope" (which is kind of a ROGD sentiment - if we use pseudo blanchardisms for a minute).

>>43867521
>what do you consider to be an optimal weight for yourself
62kg at 170cm would be ideal for me, I think. I'm at 67kg currently, and there's still some excess fat that isn't doing me any good.
>also does you sense of self imagine change more so that you start thinking that you could always be in better shape
Yes, but being in better shape isn't about weight numbers but performance metrics (ie: run times, calisthenics max rep counts, weights if that's your thing, etc). There's no point being some skinny ANAmaxxer and feeling good that you are more of a skeleton than someone who can bench you for reps and run twice as fast as you for twice as far. Which is where EDbrain people hack me off.
>>43864390
I down shitloads of caffeine on shift so I can focus on doing my job bu that's not exactly sensible. Lists help, I exercise a lot but not sure it helps with my (admittedly undiagnosed but my psych report for dysphoria did mention I sound ADHD) scatter brain

>>43871234
I'm sorry you had a bad day. Very cool that you can run like that I miss running a lot.

I can relate about the dysphoria although I'm not all that sure how it works. Recently I've been having a pit in my stomach about being closeted. I never made the link between depression and lack of self care to dysphoria for whatever reason. I've posted ITT about having these feelings since I was a kid but I didn't know that others feel things get more intense as you age it's definitely something I've been feeling. I hope you feel better anon.

done with my midterm baked some brownies and got high to relax! life is fun tattoo soon, pretty happy with how things have been going. i got a new weighing scale with bf% tracking and app to log weight. i have enough data now to see a downward trend and that makes me so happy ^-^
it feels like i've been all sunshine and butterflies but it has been a bit of a slob lately. but the positives outweigh the negatives so we ball!
as always love you all /sig/mas <3 sending virtual hugs ⊂((・▽・))⊃

page 8

I need a twink on my lap.

>>43844816
>>43850209
[Suicide Mentioned]

Last Saturday, one of my siblings tried to Overdose on pills (mood stabilizers and pain medication). We panicked very hard until we could get them into a car and start driving.

We managed to get them to the hospital in time.
They couldn't pump the stomach but they managed to wait it out until it all passed through without major harm.
They survived.
No indication of internal injury luckily.

There were a lot of cuts on their arm.
It was hard to keep it all together but we managed to do what was needed.

For the past days we have all been keeping an eye on them, our family and their partner.
None of us have sat down to talk or anything, not sure if it would even help. Life is so bad, it's hard to say anything anymore.

I want to talk to them about it but I don't have the words to comfort them, I don't really know what to do.

They said they'd never do it again but I need to be sure that it won't ever happen again.

My mother mentioned something about an appointment with a psychologist for them hopefully.
Nobody wants them sent away though, so we have to be careful.

>I can't help but feel this is my fault, for not being able to do more or provide for the family
>It's a selfish thought to have, so I am gearing myself towards putting everyone's mind at ease for now
>I need to look out for my sibling and try to make this less stressful on everyone

I am STILL trying to find a way to make money for us.
I don't know how to help.

>>43875854
same

>>43728153
the world is actually unironically controlled by the illuminati and that the future we're sold as children is a lie
i don't want to kill myself but i feel like i need to because it's never going to get better, i have nothing to live for and i just suffer all the time, the only thing stopping me is the survival instinct aversion to experiencing nothingness, i genuinely have nothing no friends no family no future no hope
>>43877085
the world is at breaking point and the order of things is unravelling, condolences that the pressure is put on family to keep things together, it seems like you're doing the best you can, all you can do is keep on doing
say wish i had family like yours though it hurts that intervention only comes at crisis points, but again i suppose there's limits to what we can realistically do or expect to do as regular joes with our own lives - the world certainly doesn't help and just primes us for failure, families where im from frequently unravel and atomize from such crisis points due to lack of external support
keep an eye on them in the months following, once everything cools off, it's common after the 'hubub' drops off for people to be back at square one but with a sour taste due to said dropping off of help/attention/support, though dont forget to look after yourself as well - it must feel like an impossible situation

>>43872350
>life is fun
Absolutely incomprehensible sentiment

>>43864390
>adhd
Not a real thing
>t. diagnosed with "ADHD" among other things

>>43872350
cute emoticons

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Got served at a restaurant by an enby today. Or, well, I assume it was an enby – some kind of genderfucked abomination in any case. They were cute. tfw no xf

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I can't believe I've run out of steam again after 4 posts, but at least I am slowly chugging along in my replies.
>>43799567
>I'm not interested in anyone who likes me in real life or online because of a oneitis from 2023 that I'm still fixated on the fantasy of
That's a tricky one, you are aware you are kinda chasing more of an imagined, idealized version of a person than the real deal, wanna tell me what this makes this idealized version so attractive in your head?
>can someone tell me what liking someone even feels like
>a normal and healthy relationship just seems so boring I could die
Hm, could you go into detail of what made your past (unhealthy) relationships enthralling to you? You speak of short term dopamine hits but I am trying to get a better feeling for what you find lacking in others to compare and contrast to.
>>43806586
This made me kek
>>43814822
So you are trying to develop your relationship with him into something more intimate, and from your perspective he is being a little dense/unresponsive.
It's a touchy matter, generally speaking, but honestly if I were you I would be more frank at that point, clear the air. Worst he can do is say he isn't interested in that way but it's only as awkward as both parties make it.
>>43815394
Wanna open up about your own circumstances, Anon? I'm here to listen.
>>43817339
>i have no one to hang out with
Oh that sucks, no old contacts you might wanna reconnect with either?

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>>43819922
>>43819956
Happy to hear it went well, Anon!
>>43819993
Wishing you all the best, Anon. Do speak up if you need any advice.
>>43821028
Stay tuned I shall!
>>43821856
>That felt nice, even if it was just courtesy.
Who is to say it is? Is there a chance you will come across him again? Is voice training something that you're planning on doing in the near future, something getting in the way of it perhaps?

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>>43830107
I gotta preempt that I can't speak from firsthand experience in all this, but from everything I have seen, and as poor as it may or may not go, any bit of congruence you can claw out for yourself seems to be worth it. If I understand you correctly you haven't taken the plunge yet on the subject of HRT, and you dread the future it may send you towards as much as the one you are headed, and this is what paralyses you. From what I have seen, people usually end up preferring going through with it, those that have reached similar points to yours that I have met, at least. Perhaps that helps to hear?
>>43832320
A bunch of awesome news, Anon! It's good to see you are still around, and I am very happy for you, having come this far. It was (and continues) to be a thing to behold, watching your growth over time.
>>43835491
>tired of people saying a relationship is never the solution when its the only thing that makes me feel anything but insipidness for most of my life
I think you are expressing a very real emotional need of yours, Anon. Do I understand you correctly that you struggle to hold on and that you believe that an intimate relationship would help you keep on keeping on? Because in that case it might be worth exploring how to help you achieve that *and* dissect what it is you feel lacking from it (to try and help ease you over the period of finding someone). Of course none of this shit is easy, especially when dealing with schizophrenia. You are facing very real and exceptional struggles many people will have difficulties understanding. But I wanna make sure I am getting what it is you would like advice for, and that's the gist I've gotten.
>>43836098
Anon, I predate this board. I have been on 4chan for about as long as tumblr even exists. I have no interest in going back someplace I don't come from.
>>43838316
Happy to hear you are taking a much needed break! I have a couple of those due as well, though I kinda already took one recently.

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>>43840261
Welcome back, angelanon! And I see, so the dog situation is just a temporary issue due to scheduling.
>I could text them if the old group chat
>idk I can't even think about it now really
Something else on your mind, or is it just anxiety inducing to think of? Honestly? If you want we could draft a message together and have you send it off if you wanna.
You know, a lot of the time people appreciate people reaching out to them much more than they are bothered about the particulars of how it came to be.
>and I can't really make myself treat biking as something like that
Hm, I understand, so the core issue is essentially how to deal with scheduling and habit forming in an ADHD friendly way! That is actually a very important question for this general as a whole, which a lot of people would benefit from knowing. I should look into that if you haven't found anything nice in the resources. Just for myself I will put a [RESOURCES] marker here.
>>43841622
>Just to avoid confusion, the anon that was waiting for an HRT package was not bunon :P
Thanks for clearing that up, because you didn't use bun's name but it seemed like bun responded to something I wrote to you, so I just rolled with it under the assumption!
>I'm glad your health stuff went alright tho, hearing that someone is having issues with their health can be mild or it can be quite bad.
Thank you, I am still monitoring but it seems like things are alright.
>>43841864
>fr fr istg, i remember the first time i tried linux in like 2017. it's day and night compared from back then!
>hopefully things get better and linkedin dies somehow
I hope they will, honestly. Maybe one good thing out of LLMs could be that it gets so flooded with fake shit that employers pivot away from it?.. Unlikely but hey, a man can dream.
Regarding your life update, sounds like things are going well, happy for you!

About a month to two months ago after being a NEET basically for several years. I decided after muiltiple failed attempts at fixing myself that I would try again. However this time I would take things very slow. Now keep in mind while I was a NEET I didn't do any hygiene stuff whatsoever. The first week the only thing I did was brush my teeth every morning. The next week I added brusing teeth at night. I did this for each week until now where I can finally do all of the bare neccessities of hygiene and I plan on adding even more!

>>43878495
used to be the same for me, i still feel like it's just me coping but things get better eventually ^-^
>>43879812
ty :D
>>43880201
pls istg that's the same best case scenario i've been hoping for!!

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>>43878289
>the world is actually unironically controlled by the illuminati
Now I don’t believe the world is controlled by the Illuminati per se, but it’s hardly a conspiracy theory that a small number of people have way more power over the rest of us than they should and they tend not to use it to make things better.

Even so, you and I have the power to be kind to ourselves and the people in our lives. There is still beauty left in this world that we can cherish, there are still things we can do to help others. We can still make a positive difference in our little corner of the world. I think that’s worth doing, and I’ve been a lot better off thinking that way.

I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts on many occasions and for several years, so this post can’t be more than part of getting through this for you. I wrote this out anyway because I still thought it would help somebody. And think I still owe /sig/ a few more “ganbatte”s from when I was crashing out regularly.

>>43880773
yea ofc, I mean just in a metaphorical sense
so much of my life has been led and ruined by the malicious and hostile design of my country and indifference to the fact, and my issues
the longer you live the more you realize how little control you have over your life and future, how small of a world we can really influence, and how we're at the mercy of such benevolent gods who'll never know the suffering and struggle they inflict
>you and I have the power to be kind to ourselves and the people in our lives
i do try, i'm not perfect but i'm better than before, i try to extend that same behavior to both myself and others, but it doesn't stop the material realities of my daily life being awful
>There is still beauty left in this world that we can cherish
and the same to this - i find beauty in things, enjoy and have fun, but i never find it fulfilling or that it offsets the negatives you know
like it's just not satisfying, nothing lands, sometimes i wonder if that's why all my relationships have felt lopsided, like i feel i put in more than i get out because their gestures don't register, or maybe because it takes me 10000x input compared to normal people where i'm so depressed all the time, but who knows
nothing feels good, my mind only encodes suffering, my life has been entirely led by it for the past decade, i dont see the future improving especially in the coming decades
i have no prospects, i can't pull myself up by my bootstraps any longer and there's no support for me out there, killing myself it's on my mind constantly and i wish i'd never woke up years ago you know
its all just charades