2/2

As of around last month I have completely quit porn of all kinds (Easy Peasy is amazing) and I jerk off around once a day. Quitting porn was a step in the right direction but my preferences are still all out of whack. I suppose I should accept that I am a product of my surroundings and will never be completely straight on the Kinsey scale. However, I literally don't even know what to label myself.

So the broad category of things I jerk off to are:
MTFs
Feet
Piss
My friend

What I can't get myself to jerk off to
Anything straight basically
Also pussies look gross and breasts do not particularly excite me
Also also I have never looked at another man and thought to myself he looks attractive. I find 99% of men repulsive
But again I can't arouse myself to female genitalia I need a cock and yet I find the tree that it's attached to disgusting (unless it looks feminine)

So anyway I try and jerk off to women for like say half an hour and I just can't bring myself to finish and I have to resort back to one of the three things I listed above. Sometimes I can finish to the thought of a woman if it involves feet or piss, but those are fetishes and they make me feel gross for being attracted to that. Jerking off to my friend used to make me finish fast but not I need one of the two fetishes mentioned previously to finish.

So anyway what do we have? I sort of like how women look like, don't like their genitals, don't like their mammary glands, don't like men (except for one) and like cock. I'm a virgin so I don't know if I can definitively say whether I like or dislike all these things I've been thinking of paying for a female escort to see if I'd like straight sex but I just don't know.

And it also makes me eternally disgusted and ashamed of myself to doing it to my friend because he has been nothing but a good companion to me and has done nothing wrong to deserve this.

many such cases

3/2 Because I was hoping I'd be finished by now.

Anyway I'm actively trying to become straighter but it just isn't working. I keep jerking off to the same degenerate/non straight things over and over. I don't want to accept I'm gay or bi or queer or whatever I've read the Fun Facts Doc and I know such a life won't end well for me but I just can't stop, I want to have a normal life with a wife and kids in the future and I want to stop getting angry inside whenever my friend talks about his normal straight attractions that I feel no arousal towards that I should have.

So yeah I'm basically hating myself every day and I don't even know what I am.

damn i thought i was crazy lmao
i'm in my mid 30s and it still feels confusing so it'll probably always be that way.
as for you, it will end up exactly how you think it will. you will succumb to cock. you can resist it if you want, but you will always crave it, the feeling never goes away. i'm sorry

>>43929985
just go date a passoid tranny and adopt later in life
If a hot girl gave you head/ a hand job and it did nothing as well as not being attracted to boobs or female genitalia why would an escort help

>>43930008
I hope not
>>43930011
I want my own biological children. An escort might help because I'd experience vaginal intercourse. Maybe that would help me conflate pussy with pleasure

>>43929985
If you are some variety of faggot, its best to work with that rather than against it. I am a tranny, and after trying to repress that for a while I am much better adjusted and more successful now that I gave in than when I was trying to be a normal guy.

In my experience, being a fag actually does very little to preclude living a normal and boring life when compared to the weird shit that you can get into while repressing it.

>>43930029
Then get a surrogate idk
you dislike how pussy looks, dislike how women look, but can't stand men
you're attracted solely to cock
you're going to end up wasting a couple hundred on an escort, have her get annoyed after 30 minutes of being half hard and then leave

>>43930029
>>43930039
I do get your concern about biological children though, I might adopt to raise my family someday but yes trying to find an way to give back to the world and provide meaning is something that still haunts me.

>>43929906
>>43929964
>>43929985
didn't read any of that but those text walls that say a whole lotta nothing probably tell me you're too malebrained to be trans, OP

>>43930047
I'd love to have biological children with someone I would want to build a future with. If some medical innovation allowed MTFs to bear children I would just go with that. They made gay rat babies so who knows when they'll get to humans next. I wouldn't say I "dislike" how women look more so just "ambivalent to their features." I like the feminine face and the voice and the soft skin and such but I'm not particularly crazy about tits or ass or whatever the 100% straight brain thinks about. They're nice bonuses to have but not too important to me.

>>43930075
Haven't wanted to be trans in years. I just mentioned that whole diatribe in the beggining to get more context into my rich inner world of fuckd up sexual experiences and urges. Maybe it was relevant. Maybe it wasn't

>>43930109
If you are into men you should probably just roll with it, repressing this stuff never ends well.

>>43930117
Like I said, I don't find men attractive (beyond femboys but that's basically a fantasy that I will never attain.) I do not have a taste in men otherwise. Maybe twinks but I see that as being a fantasy equally on par with femboys. Everybody around me thinks I am straight. I do not dress feminine nor have the lisp nor have anything that would warrant anybody to think I am not straight. I am the straightest "gay man" you could ever meet

>>43930109
you sound like such a tremendous faggot, dude. congrats, you're one step closer to finding out your true sexuality

>>43930145
idk then, what is the problem? Forcing yourself to like pussy sounds stupid, maybe you could be celibate and wizardmaxx idfk

>>43930160
>>43930145
also i am just warning you now, you sound exactly like me at one time in my life and then i fucking trooned out hard, so uhh yeah if that happens just be ready for it lmao

>>43930156
thanks
>>43930160
I oscillate between "I'd rather die than be gay" and "I'd rather be asexual than gay" and "I'd rather just accept my fate and roll with the flow and see how things end up for me in the relationship department and I'll just accept what happens regardless of what I'd prefer at the moment to happen in the future" often

>>43930185
That would be an unexpected twist of events

>>43930186
being asexual is cool, so is being gay. Just do whatever feels right, there are a lot more things you should make into a problem than what you like sucking/putting your dick into

>>43930200
if you ever do meet a woman you like you can do that and have your biological kids too, i wouldn't worry about this too much, this is one of those things where following your primal instincts is probably the best course of action

>>43930200
Being gay is objectively an inferior life as shown by the fun facts doc in comparison to being straight. Don't even get me started on the stigma of being gay. There are a nonzero percentage of people that would think of me as lesser because of it. I can't stop thinking about whether my gay tendencies were induced by porn addiction or if they were "found out." But then how would I be able to jerk off to women previously? I don't know. It used to be that as soon as I saw cock in porn I was repulsed. Now it's quite the opposite

>>43930243
dude, you'll be fine whatever you want to do. I've had exactly 1 sexual partner in my life, he is a man, and I almost exclusively jerk it to women. You can mix and match whatever lifestyle tendencies you want, you don't need to go out and get aids by fucking 50 guys if that's not what you want

>>43929964
Wtf once a day??? You are crazy, are all men like this?
Also I will be a groomer here and say you are weird ass hsts and should troon out asap, feeling dysphoria before 14 is a big red sign telling you to troon or be miserable (you are the miserable one, you know that).

>>43930185
That is what I am saying, dysphoria as a kid is a undeniable truth for transness

>>43930340
Too much or too little jerking? lol. Takes away around half an hour of my day at most but oh well could be worse
I don't really feel dysphoric anymore at all and I'm not sure if transitioning would help with anything. If I had a magical button to make me a perfect 1:1 woman I'd press it and that's only because it would mean I'd finally be able to be together with my friend in a normal hetero relationship

>>43930363
Just like with my gay tendencies not sure how much of it was porn induced

>>43930366
Too much, I was briefly addicted to porn to repress my feelings and I could not manage this feat, which can also be your case: your constant gooning keeps your mind off of your identity.
No one would be willing to troon or detroon out "just because" they could be with a specific person, that is a cope that has a short lifetime. Re-think your life before its late, nona.

>>43930375
That is just transphobic talk, no one wants to troon out because they saw naked woman, if they try they immediately discover their misery.

>>43930402
If I could turn off a switch and have all my thoughts about my identity go silent I would do that. I have humored the idea of not thinking about my sexuality until I meet a partner but I decided it's better to understand myself now rather than have someone else be my experiment and ultimately ruining things for the both of us. Also I just can't make my carnal urges go even if porn is no longer present. If I could somehow stop jerking it for even just a week and think about other things in life that would be great
>>43930409
Like I said, I used to jerk off only to solo women (without toys, even) and imagine myself as them and how hot it would be to be them at that moment. I am not calling trans people AGP's I'm just saying I may have been the textbook case. I'm genuinely just not sure if it was AGP delusion or if I was actually trans for a time. I am erring towards the former

>>43929906
ok im gonna try to give my interpretation of u but im not sure how accurate its gonna be.. i hope it helps at least a little

i think ur probably bisexual (attracted to penis and femininity is honestly really common), but you could probably be even more gay leaning if you stopped repressing homosexual feelings and feeling shame etc. i find it interesting that you said youre not ATTRACTED to women, but for men you said they DISGUST you, and then said you're very concerned about having bio children and being normal etc.. its almost like ur secretly more attracted to men than u think but u try to block it out. and your 1 irl (outside of porn i mean) crush being a guy and never girl crush supports that theory too. your biggest enemies rn are: pornbrain, internalised homophobia, overthinking. oh and as for the early agp thing, as i said ur probably still to some degree bisexual (not fully gay) so you do have some vague attraction to women, and i think anyone whos attracted to someone Can get turned on by the idea of being that thing (so basically every straight man CAN experience "agp" feelings, every straight woman can experience "aap" feelings, and the same in reverse for gay people, for bisexuals it could go both ways and also agamp/aagmp), so like what im trying to say is ur probably not trans (unless there were early signs of dysphoria which persisted to today which u didnt mention i think)

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