Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

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Didn't mean to post tonight but it can't be fucking helped.
I have some posts done anyway, migt as well.

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>>44617033
>>44617045
>>44617052
>>44617067
Finally got to reply, let's get started..
>Hope you're ready for the absolute wall.
I absolutely am!
>Been trying to make writing things down automatic in general
So far so good, as for deeper thoughts, a lot of it from where I stand is a matter of challenging oneself not being an on/off switch. Make sure to probe yourself, be wary of comfort zones, but don't be too harsh on yourself for needing time to articulate the hard things either. If you can squeeze out things you weren't able to before, little by little, it will become easier over time anyway. Once you feel stuck however you might wanna get fresh perspectives if you can help it.
>Tried to write stuff down on my phone so I could add reminders, but it's so... unhandy
I get it, perhaps write it down elsewhere that is easily accessible (perhaps your main computer, or a notebook) and only keep a reference to jot down on the phone? Like "check p7, top half".
>I get conscious about balance between giving and taking in relationships.
Hm, especially with the material side of things in mind, the fact that you do not mind talking about things of deeper emotional significance is a valuable thing that not everyone has the energy for. That is often worth more than material things, at least past a certain point in one's life (assuming the luxury of a steady income and stable circumstances).
>Maybe it could not even be needed or wanted.
This is something that it not always healthy to speculate about, and ties into knowing how people work. People are, in a way, all rulers of their own little domain. Sometimes it is not for you to decide if something is worth their time, and that also means offering things they may decline. Even if you worry they might only humor you for the sake of people pleasing, that is something they need to figure out themselves, not you! You are not a burden for feeling out boundaries.
(1/4)

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>>44617033
>>44617045
>>44617052
>>44617067
(2/4)
>Most of the time I don't seem to consciously understand how people work
You should definitely at no point feel obligated to read minds. However, especially with things like autism being an option looking into diagnoses might be worthwhile just to be sure you have access to the right tools to make things easier for you.
>I seem to keep falling into the secondary emotional network
Hm, I don't think I fully grasp what you mean with the secondary emotional network bit. Could you elaborate? Also, you mentioned HSP, I don't think I heard of it before, what is it exactly?
>I don't wanna ruin things for someone and be responsible for it.
I feel like a lot of people with executive issues know your pain. They want to be there for their loved ones, but if a week can pass in the blink of an eye and you realize the time critical thing your friend needed help with already passed.
>nobody I know knows I'm on HRT
Oh, that is important: you aren't out to anybody in your friend group? Maybe you need to remind me of some context, would there be any risk of you outing yourself to people IRL leading to your family knowing? What is your living situation like? Also, as for your family, given what you said I would file them under "not supportive", and that is on them for acting the way they do.
> I need to pay more attention to the buildup and remind myself of skills.
Very important, yes! Also if tism IS in the mix: remember that there is a major sensory aspect to that. Overstimulation can be a serious concern and would massively affect your mood.
>I do get the drive to cook something occasionally, but it's mostly late in the night and our stove seems to be a bit weak. It's old and a bit damaged even.
Hm, would there be a risk of waking/bothering people? Cause in general night time is actually a great time for meal prep in my experience, as long as it doesn't fuck your sleep schedule.

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>>44617033
>>44617045
>>44617052
>>44617067
(3/4)
>I had an actual orgasm at the crescendo of a prog rock song
Not gonna lie that is kinda awesome. If you are sensitive to particular sensations I am sure this will affect the kinda smells/textures/tastes you can and cannot stomach, right? Worry about food spoilage can be addressed reasonably with good food containers, I personally like glass tupperware because while it is heavy it doesn't stain at all (the lids might but depending on the kind those are replaceable).
>gray bread with a slice of cheese and sausage.
Personally I am a fan of stuff like that for supper in particular, though in my case it's almost exclusively cheeses, hah
>No issues with eating the same thing
That is great for meal prep at the very least! Should we maybe think about recipes you could try that are realistic for your circumstances?
>cleaning
One thing which might help you a lot (it helped me and even though I am not diagnosed I do know by now I have a bit of executive troubles too) is to approach cleaning from a very different angle. I call my method the "dynamic equilibrium" because chemistry inspired me to try it. You set yourself easy to follow rules that assure you are continuously cleaning (on average) more things in a day than you make dirty. Example, after I cook I don't have the energy to do all the dishes (pots, pans, etc). What I do is that I live with not doing it immediately and instead, every time I enter the kitchen, clean 1 item, or 1 more item than I need. Need a glass? Clean two forks. Need a plate? Clean one and perhaps the pot while I'm at it. This way dirty dishes will still add up, but they will diminish *at a greater rate* than they can pile. The same principle keeps surfaces free of clutter etc. It works for anything that gets worse in very small increments.

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>>44617033
>>44617045
>>44617052
>>44617067
(4/4)
>I also "lose" a fuckton of time (and energy/dopamine) to stimulation seeking behavior
Hm, don't have anything too useful for your specific case there sadly, I'd urge you to look into AuDHD sorta resources like the ones we have for that.
>Currently fighting for being treated like the other employees
It sucks that you are being treated poorly at work, especially since it's likely a lot of office politics bs in your way. And yes this is a failure of leadership.
>but in person I have never witnessed any manager figuratively fight on the frontlines
Academia has those dynamics, it strongly depends on the group and culture. I have seen professors basically treating their researchers like cubicle wagies and their science suffered for it. I have seen some take a more anarchic approach where the advisor is also doing ground level work and it actually led to flawless communication. While I get frequently frustrated with the world, I have mellowed out quite a bit since I hit 30 I feel. I just try to be the change more and disengage with things I cannot change quicker.
>And thanks (again?) for what you do!
I'm happy to.
>Both at times, but I seem to have difficulty realizing/identifying what I'm feeling
Ah, articulating things. Journaling can help, but in general it is a thing you simply gotta train. The more you try and articulate emotions, especially complicated ones, even employing flowery language when needed, will enrich your self perception. A mental muscle to train.
>>44639279
>Made food... worked out... cleaned dishes... I just need to read now
Well done, Anon!

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That's it for tonight. I will reply to more posts from the last two threads (>>44657335 and >>44488475) tomorrow.
Also,
>>44669352
I will get around to your posts in the coming days as well. But please, do remember to keep things civil, we all mean well, I promise.

Goodnight.

pg7 paw :3

>>44673226
kitty!!

>>44672119
goal of the thread: idk........ im already dead .... me who i am existing in my body that is not mine...

>>44668486
I have a job 'interview' of some kind tomorrow.
So, I am in a rush to get to sleep soon, sorry.
Hopefully job opportunities will be more definite at the end of this week.

>>44653349 #
>Always
:)

>That's a relief
>What I meant earlier was more or less if they pose a risk to themselves and others >(which may require psychiatric intervention and proper treatment)
I don't think so, they are living with my Father's family right now, so I don't think we can reach them right now.

I do receive messages from them, they appear to be stable right now.
I will stay observant.

>if we are talking about full on psychosis for example
I don't believe so, it seemed more like a fit of rage.
The info I received of this outburst was very shocking but not psychosis related.
They were very rude, targeted and deceitful at times.
No further outbursts or conflicts yet, thankfully.

>Perhaps, glad you rest!
I will get into that topic throughout the next week maybe.
I should probably mention it to my new counselor as well.

>I appreciate you keeping us posted
It's all good, this is very good for me I think.
Being able to talk about these things openly.

Good night

>>44672228
I've been misunderstood, strawmanned, and had my supposed character and intellect insulted. Here is your case study.

I've been thinking about the cultural difference of academia. I think what you meant is different from what that word represents on this side of the ocean. And how there was a crab in a bucket and there was a seagull.

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>>44666818
Reporting in from last thread at 4:00 in the morning i.e tomorrow from when I'd intended to make my first report.
Spent most of the day staring at screens including browsing 4chan. Cleaned my room then dirtied it up again (my room's a complete mess). Didn't attend classes today cause I got self conscious and I was already arriving late. Had a more coherent way of communicating this but I think I'm too sleep deprived to go into it now, maybe... tomorrow...
Will now go to sleep and likely sleep through most of the early morning until I awake in midday. Good night(?)

any of you know if cbd+cbg helps relief severe nerve pain?

>>44675902
night good gosh I am tired

>>44677223
Can't hurt to try it for a bit, right?
I don't want to make any hyperbolic claims about what marijuana is good for, but I think it is underutilized for general pain management. CBT has some applications for inflammation, which can be potentially helpful for your use case, but nerve pain is a bit tricky. I don't have any chronic pain issues, but I am a bit older and I find getting high as balls once a month is a decent reset for my joints because it totally numbs any pain I have and let's me sleep for 16 hours.

Speaking of tricky nerve pain, where do you specifically have nerve pain? When did it arise? Have you been to a physiotherapist that specializes in that pain type (do you have money for that?)

>>44672173
>>44672187
>>44672192
>>44672220
Won't get to replying until this weekend at least.
Too much stuff going on right now, but I read it already.
Thanks :)

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Good news and bad news.

The bad news is, I ran out of the medication I take to help me sleep yesterday, and I didn’t sleep at all last night. I had a virtual appointment today to get a refill, but this morning the doctor moved that appointment to tomorrow. At least the longer I go without a good night’s sleep, the easier it’ll be to get one.

The good news is, I listed a bunch more collectibles on eBay, and emptied another box in my closet. The hard thing for me is deciding to part with anything. But I figure any geegaw of mind that’s sat in a closet for two years is something I can live without, and anything I can sell before I move again will be one less thing to pack. (I’m not planning moving soon, but I’m not expecting to spend the rest of my life in this house my mom is renting.)

And a little extra scratch would be nice; I want to buy a scanner and digitize some of my old drawings.

pg7

>>44672119
How to sleep better and look less old?

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3 posts tonight. With that I have finally caught up with the thread before last thread..
>>44635517
>I want a planner/pomodoro app that lets me like, define one-off tasks
>and also recurring tasks (clear trash from desk, recurring every other day),
>click-and-drag it onto a basic calendar,
>and then let me easily shuffle them around to fit them in.
That's how I ended up using Emacs for so much (this is not a recommendation, but hear me out), adding GUI adds like 10k lines of spaghet so having a simple UI that I can tweak as I please and program inside of is a real boon. I think, unless you need it on mobile, you might get away with splitting your problem in two halves: a calendar program where you can shuffle the things around (thunderbird is a semi adequate choice in my limited experience) and that saves the calendar to a file in a readable format (.ical or something), and then a second program that can do the pomodoro heavy lifting reading the calendar entries.
>>44641763
>I will start posting daily i think as a journaling bit(sorry for the spam that will become but i hope it in the spirit and confines of the threads/general)
Do go ahead! I'm rooting for you, Anon. It's not spam at all! You can also ping the OP if you wanna.
>>44643419
>I have crippling ADHD and can't stop doing shit to avoid starting tasks
ADHD is a mess to navigate at the best of times and one of the things that you will have to cope with a lot is urgency. To my limited understanding ADHD brains are very "now or never", so stuff like pomodoro can help you pace yourself (a break NOW, break over NOW, over and over), for example. I think one of the channels for ADHD I linked in the resources (HowToADHD) has a video on this.
>>44648701
>hit 83.5 kg last weigh in. so close to the next milestone 80 :3
Awesome, well done Anon!
>>44651197
>I need to clean
Checking in on you, how did it go?

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>>44642102
Hi, bun! Thank you for keeping us posted, for now I am just keeping an eye on your updated but not adding much. Let me know if there is anything you need. You are doing great.
>>44658324
>I didnt post yeday was too drunk
>guess the experiment failed
Listen to me Anon, absolutes are your enemy at the beginning! Try to manage as often as you can this week, if you manage 1 or 2 times a week this week you can work your way up. That is how habits are formed! Humans are persistence predators, do not forget that.
>>44651822
>always because the urge is too great?
Oh I mean, in the moment! That is when do you catch yourself, the first and most important step in this I would say is to "catch yourself in the act". That is the most time critical step after all. It is okay if you are still at a stage where you can't stop overspending anyway but not doing it on autopilot is a milestone in and of itself. Perhaps this seems trivial to you since you already reached it though, just making sure. Second, you are doing it to cope, right? You will need coping mechanisms to deal with your feelings and life in general, we might wanna dwell on this together as well if you wanna.
>I think I will lean to flavoring specifically. carbonation costs way too much.
Very fair. If I remember correctly the initial expense is like.. 50-70 bucks, and refills cost another 30-40 bucks per 60L (allegedly, I never checked) of carbonated water.
>i've got a steel drink can maybe I should try bringing stock to stave off hunger.
Sounds like a plan, you can also make stuff like egg drop soup since it doesn't get soggy unlike noodles.

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>>44653247
>They just believed I was a cis man.
Ah, god damn it, genuinely didn't occur to me.
>I'll have been sat applied to them, putting my life on hold, for over 2 years.
That fucking sucks, Navy. You know, you following a career path that resits your effort as you try to pull all the stops to see things through reminds me a lot of my academic pursuits up to now. I understand that you feel distraught, though I would love to hear how your thoughts have changed after a bit of time to recover, if they have.
>>44657261
>I'm struggling with seeming to pass less than other people who've been on HRT as long as I have.
>I'm not sure if the way I feel about this is relatable to anyone
Maybe it is not my turn to speak on this since I can only give second hand accounts but you seem far from alone in this. You are fighting an uphill battle valiantly, and your story mirrors that of other people that have posted here.
>I have a lot of different goals to somehow make time for so I think I need to experiment with how to coordinate that
You picked out very good goals by the way, definitely speak up if there is anything in particular you'd like some input on, okay?
>>44658364
>I guess after age 25, things really are just...over.
In what way, Anon?
>t. 34
>>44659762
Heya Panty!
>I don’t know what the fuck is going on. I have some guesses, but that’s beside the point.
Oh yes, that is dementia is like. I am no expert but they don't experience the present anymore, not in the same way you and I do. He's effectively talking to you from 10 years ago, maybe more. Other variations include them confusing a child for their dead parent at that age and similar such things. Hallucinations are in the mix too as far as I know, essentially their minds superimposing your past self onto you. I think it will be valuable to read up on how to talk to them about people that have died, because ultimately, the perspectives and tips you will find there will likely be the most helpful to you.

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>>44681093
>How to sleep better
Here are some quick and dirty basics. I don’t know what you’re doing already or having trouble with, but feel free to get specific about your issues if you want more specific advice.

>How to look less old
Two obvious things I can suggest are drinking more water and avoiding sun exposure.

>>44681125
I actually knew most of that, but I never thought of it that way before. That does really help. It also explains why he deadnamed me a couple of times recently.

arf

>>44679544
yayyyy i hope to one day praise your art

>>44682258
good job puppy!!

>>44683464
bwarf?

Good night
I fancy to say that I've become something of a reader these past few months

>>44684481
That's awesome, Anon.

>>44679544
I gotta start saving some money myself.

God
I love twinks

>>44685815
Don't we all?

>>44681115
>>44681118
Posting again
Missed therapy today and just wasted my time on video games all alone again
Work time now
I’ll try to at least do self care tonight
Posting tmr now
Iwnbaw and thats ok
Acceptance

>>44678935
And at least I got a lot of stuff done at work this week already, gonna do more stuff tomorrow and then treat myself to something this weekend. Don't know what yet, but I'm going to.

Some Venting:
>Father lied about being pushed to Australia due to my Mother (somehow), it was always a plan for him
>My Mother sent out a missing person's report for my adopted sibling before they left, my Father lied about not knowing where they were, him and his family
>Father gave money to adopted sibling, in envelopes during the time he was back home with us, possibly as a bribe
>My adopted sibling lied about being the only one to help around the house back home
>Adopted sibling has apparently assaulted my Mother TWICE without me being present
>Father has been threatening to cut off my bio sibling financially, well after he spent time and money upgrading his new girlfriend's house
>Father will be taking off from work for a week, so communicating will be awkward for a while
>Father wants to take me from driving lessons, which have always been miserable in the past because he is quick to anger and annoyance

There is more to say but I will pace myself for now.

paw :3

p8

I really wish people would learn to fucking behave themselves out there.

>>44607886
>Umami ingredients to fortify a stock are plentiful, for asian styles you could go for miso, onions sauce, dashi or sea weeds like konbu (which you discard at the end like bay leaf) or dried mushrooms, for western variants you have Worcestershire sauce, marmite, tomato paste, ... it depends on the amount of fridge and freezer space you got, making your own stock borders on a hobby but soup is a great option to take to work, as it is easy on the stomach, filling and flavorful.
I actually bought konbu but haven't tried around it, meanwhile I bought salsa in a jar and turns out i kinda like it as a salad dressing, probably will try to make it on my own because a jar is too expensive.
Also I bought curry powder but i don't know if it is suitable for a soup.
>>44681118
>Oh I mean, in the moment! That is when do you catch yourself, the first and most important step in this I would say is to "catch yourself in the act". That is the most time critical step after all. It is okay if you are still at a stage where you can't stop overspending anyway but not doing it on autopilot is a milestone in and of itself. Perhaps this seems trivial to you since you already reached it though, just making sure. Second, you are doing it to cope, right? You will need coping mechanisms to deal with your feelings and life in general, we might wanna dwell on this together as well if you wanna.
Work Stress is a major factor which determines how much I blow at a given day
>Very fair. If I remember correctly the initial expense is like.. 50-70 bucks, and refills cost another 30-40 bucks per 60L (allegedly, I never checked) of carbonated water.
too much.
>>i've got a steel drink can maybe I should try bringing stock to stave off hunger.
>Sounds like a plan, you can also make stuff like egg drop soup since it doesn't get soggy unlike noodles.
I was thinking about clear stocks because egg drop soup isn't exactly fit for drinking, nor that it's easy to clean of a steel drinking bottle.

pg7 paw :3

>>44692280
kitty is back?

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Proper replies and more updates later today, hopefully.

>>44692763
never left meow :3

Good night

>>44694340
night bab3 girl

>>44653299
>Good call! Good to hear your non-aussie phone is gonna remain operational as well
Yeah, it was a clever idea by my Mother to keep it functional.
In case of emergencies, of course.

>The healthy choice, 100%!
>As for your dad, sometimes the healthiest thing to want of a person that is bad for you is for them to be gone or at a sufficient distance
Yes.
He will have his life, and we will have ours.
I want financial inpendnace and peace of mind, that's my only goal from now on.

>I hope you will get to that point soon enough
I want to be there by 2027, or at least 2028.
I will NOT spend my 30s with him and any drama attached to the past.

>Again, a healthy pov I think
Everytime I feel a well of pity for him, I just remember how he has acted towards my Mother in the past, and his current behaviour towards my sister recently.

I don't need his approval to live my life, I need to get better and stronger for those I care about.

>>44653305
>Thank you for the consistent updates, bun!
Thank you for bearing with me, I know it is a lot to take in.
I appreciate your continued patience with my rambling.

>For now it sounds like nothing is particularly on fire at least
Nothing that wasn't on fire to begin with.

My father doesn't seem to have any real plan for me here, beyond the same exact strategy since the first time here.

I will stop looking to him with any hope of consistent wisdom, we don't live in the same reality anymore, he's just going to drive himself fully mad one day.

ok time to post
work is just somehow even worse lately after vacation
and tmr i will have long shift
really kills the soul but hey need money

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>>44660279
>I'm doing better since I started taking Sertraline,
That's good to hear.

>of course there are still some issues that even medicine cannot repair
I understand, what are you currently dealing with?

>But regardless I look forward to hearing your update Bunanon
>I'm all ears, hehe. (｡•̀ᴗ-)
Thank you, Sealposter.

Cleaning your room feels awesome!

i always feel like im missing out on something, socializing, or im not working hard enough, but theres no way to tell... and i dont know how to do more.

pg6 paw :3

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>>44696129
For sure, and my therapist once said that it’s easier to relax and be productive in your space when you feel like it’s clean and organized, so there are also future benefits to cleaning your room!

In other news, I ordered one of those timed lock boxes to put your phone in and some fake succulents to put around my PC because I’ve heard even looking at fake plants can be good for your eyes and mental health. I figured I’d start with fake plants and work my way up to real ones.

p8 bump!

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Ten years of psychonautics through drugs, religion, mental illness and psychosis and all I found was the empty set.

>>44681125
>your story mirrors that of other people here
yeah, i was talking about how hurtful my transition has sometimes been, and that is something ppl acknowledge on this site, but rarely anywhere else. and ppl here are not a good model of mental health. so its like... idk, idk how to process it beyond that surface level acknowledgment. idk if it feels like my expectations about what 'should have been' are hurtful, or if it's more like I SHOULD be upset with myself for abandoning myself when i most needed to advocate for myself and change.
its tough not falling into stagnant, inward looking patterns when your problems feel niche and personal. it makes it hard to be open or just try stuff and puts you in a mindset of 'i have to find the answer to my situation within myself' which just makes you think about your situation more
>anything I'd like input on
i guess im trying to figure out how to be more organised but i came here again cause I was down so I'm not really in a headspace to be that productive.
i guess i wanna actually walk the walk, concerning the things that are most important to me. like having a better social life and actually going out as a girl and trying to feel included. so that means not just a clear intention but also a strategy. how to make time and turn a late-night reflection on what i want and what hurts into something I'll actually do or change. disrupting my habitual stuck patterns
i suspect adhd and/or autism and desu i just feel like im not good at anything or good at problem solving my issues or focusing which puts a bit of a damper on things
im still working on voice and slowly but surely progressing there I think, i want to get more organised taking care of my appearance consistently & tracking progress (like trying different products & techniques, seeing what level routine feels sustainable etc). my relationships & relationship with my self are a mess, probably wish I could change that the most but it's what i feel most powerless abt

>>44699532
what does the empty set mean anon?

>>44699693
It's the set that contains no elements. It's emptiness itself. Every set contains the empty set. Therefore, it's correct to add the words "...and (that's) empty" to any sentence in your head, because a sentence is a set of words. Maybe you even should, otherwise you're making a mistake in the mathematical sense. You'll end up back in reality after a while. It actually works. The religious concept associated with that is Shunyata from the Eastern Traditions. Hope this helps.

pg8 paw :3

Got another writing competition on /lit/ for anyone feeling creative: >>>/lit/25511011

Sending you all good energy.

>>44699532
It's a nice view.

>>44699967
so like, any thought i think, and the relationship i think those things are in, there's a bunch of emptiness in there too between all of it? so I shouldn't take things as they seem to me too seriously without noticing that emptiness in the mix?

>>44672119
Anybody else totally over reconciling with one of their parents?

Like, who even cares anymore?
They won't change.

>>44703767
desu i feel like most parents won't change and what you see is what you get. also even if *maybe* they could do you want to put in all that effort

How do you all cope with executive dysfunction, task initiation/paralysis, etc?

I can literally be stare at a task that will take me less then 5 minutes to do, will be easy to do, is something that's important, is something I actively want to do, and that I will enjoy doing, and that I could even make money from, and I STILL will be unable to bring myself to actually start or finish the damn thing to the point of putting it off for hours, days, weeks, or months, for absolutely no rational reason other then a vague sense of anxiety around doing the task, and the allure of random social media posts to look at and get distracted by instead

Good night

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>>44703822
Something that helps me is to set a timer and just work on a project for 25 minutes. Finishing the whole thing can be intimidating as hell, as you know, and can trigger a cycle of guilt. Focusing on just doing what I can in 25 minutes helps me get around the ruminating.

It’s called Pomodoro method. Apparently 25 minutes is a good interval of time for sustained focus, and it’s best to do four 25 minute intervals at a time.

And bear in mind, I talked to my psychiatrist about my difficulties with executive function and she offered to prescribe me a stimulant, and that helped me a lot as well. It’s not all down to willpower or ingenuity.

>>44703803
>maybe* they could do you want to put in all that effort
Honestly...nah.

I am far too old and too fucked up mentally for it to make a difference.

Besides, I have to spend all my time now trying to make as much money I can, as fast as I can.

>>44704654
My therapist suggested something like that, the issue I frequently run into is that it's difficult for me to even recognize in the moment that i'm putting a task off until hours have already gone by, so in practice I really even think to start the timer

And when I do, that starting of the timer just also becomes something I get anxiety over doing

>and she offered to prescribe me a stimulant
I've been on a lot of them, so far all the ones I've tried only help me hyperfocus on a thing, not picking what thing I start or hyperfocus on. So it's a crapshoot if they help or not

Let it be known that today I...
>cleaned the giant junk piles & storage boxes littering my floor
>turned in a 6 year old library book from back when I was in high-school (no fees)
>payed bills
>made hamburger helper for dinner
>changing registered classes & talking about it with a teacher
>did my e injection
Tomorrow I intend to clean the desk which most of the stuff from the floor piles fled to and do laundry, maybe some other stuff but focusing on those two. That is all, goodnight!
>>44703822
Going off of one day of observation, but I managed it by focusing on tasks which prevented me from using a screen (going outside donating/turning stuff in) then transitioned into doing things that would require becoming more vulnerable to distraction. It wasn't 100% distraction free, a sort of momentum building thing.

after thinking about it for a while i got around to starting a sourdough starter, i'll be dropping in progress updates on here :3
planning to make garlic focaccia next week when it matures.

>>44705317
cool

>>44705317
nice

>>44703822
I feel the same

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>>44704994
I might not be able to offer something new to try, but I can tell you this: Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you can’t find a way to make it easier or even just get it done anyway.

I’m accomplishing things I’ve procrastinated on for years, and things I remember feeling like I could never do. That stuck, overwhelmed feeling you have doesn’t have to be permanent.

You don’t get a reward for giving up. You don’t get excused from the stuff you want and need to do by deciding you can’t do it. You’re not out of chances to figure this out.

fucking people, man

weekend woooohooo

pg7 bump

I didn't do much today, but at least I took out some trash, take a shower and buy some food.

>>44711041
And fucking up grammar left and right, ugh. Come on brain!

Has anyone here ever figured out how to improve an aspect of yourself with adhd? Every time I feel like I can change anything I end up forgetting after a few days. Meds aren't helping at all and I'm super desperate.

>>44708637
woohoo indeed

twinks

Good night

another goodnight/sig/
still unemployed with no partner, just me and my sleep cig. life is alright but i hope it gets a little less lonely. i'm glad school has been alright but the loneliness is getting to me.

The mid-twenties depression is hitting hard now, it would appear

bump!

>>44672119
I met my ex yesterday, we wanted to start dating again. I went to her house we made love, but it wasn't right. She had done so much work on herself, I had only wallowed in pain. She knew, I knew. Oh well... I'm going to be single now. I'm going to improve.

I need to get a haircut so that I can look presentable and get a job but my hair is so fucked up and dry and frizzy and scraggly that I'm embarrassed to go somewhere to get it done

>>44672119
Maybe life was always meant to be this bleak.

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>>44672119
I have a lot on my mind but I am also very tired.

I will update again sometime this week.

I hope you all are doing okay.

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Updates tomorrow.

I've cut 4chan out for a while and life's been alright, if very lonely. I noticed how much I used to rely on this place for socialisation. There is no real alternative. The more time I spend around normies, the more my prejudices are confirmed. I never wanted to be part of that world, and now I am and it sucks. It sucks just as much as I expected. Life was so much easier when I was detached reality and I don't think I can go back.

Don't grow up.

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HRT prescription that cost over £400 for 3 months arrived today, so I guess I'll see if patches and Synarel (GRNHA) make any difference; I'd kinda wanted to try EEn longer after so long on EUn but if I have the meds here I may as well use them.
I retain the view for anyone reading that there is no reason not to DIY as a first choice for HRT.

For my actual /sig/ing of the week
1) Cleared my work probation (they keep hiring shitters so I look great by comparison)
2) Getting my brows done on Tuesday finally
>>44681125
>genuinely didn't occur to me
I think people just in general kinda don't realise how little medical transition actually does. Like people see photos of me from a low-res camera at a good angle and assume I'm passing when, in reality, at 17 months HRT (minus the 6 months I took in 2023) I do just look like a cis man.
>how your thoughts have changed after a bit of time to recover, if they have.
Pretty much the same, I try to cope with the fact I had a pretty bad start point for transitioning and knew it would be a long process but it's pretty upsetting to have traded a career I really wanted for so little. I got pretty close to another breakdown at work the last 4 days, was speaking to the work NB, and basically said I consider my case a bad medical outcome and pretty much the worst outcome for a dysphoric. Which the kind of "mental illness" (i prefer to say psychiatric condition, but you get the idea) side of dysphoria/transness is something I have a lot of thoughts on but I do just think a dysphoric transitioning post puberty is a bad medical outcome (compared to a passing transition that is completed by age 20ish) and that my mental distress is incurable as a result. Which is really not a fun thing to be staring down the barrel of.

>>44718785
There are options for socializing besides hanging out with normies or posting on 4chan. Most people don’t like socializing with people they don’t have much in common with. Getting a job and a social life can obligate you to those types of situations, but that’s not the only way to socialize offline.

What do you miss about 4chan? What’s better about 4chan users compared to normies?

I think you’d be better off making friends and connecting with specific people than focusing on talking to random strangers on the internet who can’t be there IRL when you need them and vice versa.

>>44717469
thanks

pg5

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Haven't been on my desktop in like two months had a bit of a mental spiral again, but hey guys still working my ass off on the weight loss, now 210 looking at going for 180 as a 5'10 ngmi.

>>44721650
I know exactly what you mean.

I've been dragging myself for like two years now, trying to get by.

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Panty here with a small update. I got these fake succulents into some floral foam on a bookcase next to my computer, so now when I turn my head I’ll be looking at this. First small step towards greening my space.

pg7 paw :3 mreaow

>>44723601
I missed you kittykat

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OK
posting again
still broken up but my ex is awesoem and we keep talking
not really he sint awesome awesome he is kinda lazy but he has a kind soul and i appreciate him enough to want to stay friends. Or im delusional and think ill be in his arms soon
idk

Also I maaged ot not come out to anyone this summer, avoided all family respinsibilites i oculd and didnt see any relatives
So im back in my wage job, better than ever, doing manly shit like pushing carts and stuff
yeah
Also I am pretty sure my dosology of hrt is utterly wack and it is affetcting me negatively and i SHOULD fix this but ya know...lazy and effectively non functional
here is sex please dont reprot mei just think its cool and i wish i looked like this(im delusional and like 30yo)

>>44716588
I want to cut my hair too but I don't trust the people cutting it. I already feel resigned to not look good but oh well,

>>44672119
Could anybody here give me some pointed, practical advice on how to successfully support myself using online work?

Please, I need to have a better plan from now on.

I can't keep hoping for people to give me a chance, I need to make my own money options from now on.

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Sorry for the delay in proper updates.
I am very tired and have much to do, I am sorry.

I have a lot on my mind worth mentioning though.

>>44722605
Ive talked to my parents and am gonna get back on my bipolar meds, used to have em in highschool but dad talked me outta taking em cause we suffer from the same shit.

>>44725211
My advice is instead of looking for an online job directly, look for employment agencies or programs. I know there are a lot of scam listings for online jobs out there — some are obvious, but you only have to get fooled once to be in trouble. A third party with incentive to help you find a job could help you find reputable ones.

It sounds like I’m passing the buck, but there are people out there whose job it is to help others find work, and they might be able to bill someone else for doing that for you. There’s more help out there than people realize.

Also, trying to become independent and not relying on a partner for money is a great idea for anybody. Nobody should have to depend on romance to survive.

>>44711041
Showered and did laundry, yay! Mostly because I've been out of clean compression shirts to hide my buds. Without, they should be easy to notice even through heavy shirts at this point.
5 months in, but I consider this one of the best decisions in my life, albeit starting fairly late.

>>44723819
:3 mreaow

>>44712141
I'd go for automatic reminders. Go with like one week at first, then increase the interval when you can retain what you want to change for a full week.
Maybe a diary could help as well.

>>44703822
Note: I'm just some dude with similar issues and better at thinking up solutions instead of actually applying them to myself. In no way I'm a professional, but I spent over 30 years in this hell.
Momentum.
This possibly requires you to separate clothes into "outside" and "inside," as well as having separate "work" and "relax" spaces - if you don't already do that.
For example, you just returned from getting groceries, but instead of putting on your inside clothes, you keep your outside clothes on. No entering your relax space for a while after coming home (depending on severity, try for 15 minutes, then increase by 15 more each time you notice it got easier). After those 15 minutes, you reward yourself in your work area. Otherwise, absolutely NO cross-contamination (like taking work to your relax space or wearing outside clothes in your relax area; it's fine if you do this for things like taking out trash)!
So instead of going to your relax area, you go to your work area and - possibly using reminders or sticky notes - attempt to do one task for the 15 minutes (or how much you increased that time to).
In addition, you could add "cheat" days. For example, you start with doing one task (doesn't have to be the same every day) on the first day, then consciously use the next six for relaxing instead of doing tasks. Decrease this interval by one day every month.
Adjust the intervals to your liking, but depending on severity, you might want to start very relaxed, but DO attempt to decrease (or increase, for the stuff above) the intervals.
Use reminders for everything. For cheat days, for decreasing intervals etc..

Do NOT deviate from this. It may be hard and tedious at first, but I could imagine this may work to some degree.

>>44703822
>>44727630
If you want, print out a bullet list with the key steps in this post and place them on surfaces or in areas you definitely will see every day.

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>>44672119
@SigChat
is there rentry for how to reverse the hikikomori in yourself

>>44719345
Honestly, I don't think I ever fit into the place I was born. And there aren't many opportunities to socialise in my area to begin with.

>What do you miss about 4chan? What’s better about 4chan users compared to normies?
It helps that 4chan is anonymous. There is no obligation and no drama and I can just speak my mind here. And beyond that, I just can't put it into words that well. It might also be because I have ADHD and schizophrenia, even if I'm medicated for both.

I did have jobs for most of my adult life. There's just always this disconnect that I don't quite understand with my co-workers. And the majority of them were much older than I am anyway.

It doesn't really matter, Anon. I guess I just wanted to vent about it. Thanks for the reply.

I can't believe I didn't play any games today. Only played guitar for two hours (now my fingers and wrists hurt, because I almost can't stop myself) and watched some bodycam vids.
Now to end the day by going to bed before 12 for once.
Good night /sig/, stay strong!

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>>44662633
>How do you get any work done when you are having a bad day and feel like shit?
There are two things I would strongly recommend: one, do not approach the day with the expectation of getting the same amount of work done as you would on a normal day, it is more a cutting losses sorta deal. As for practical advice, you want to commit to things with a "SMART" goals sorta mindset (see resources), and you need to know how you usually procrastinate to cope. I will need to know that to give you actionable advice on how to work against that.
>>44663139
>Is there anywhere around 4chan where I can discuss this, or is 4chan against nonbinary?
Tricky. You might just wanna shout into the void ITT and see where it gets you for starters. Share your ruminations, perhaps? What is it you would like to know?
>>44666444
>44666452
>>44666459
>>44666488
>Tell me if I got Ai psychosis.
Hm.. I have taken a look over everything you said, and rather than trying any sort of armchair diagnosis I would much rather help you find guard rails when I see something worrisome. I will primarily focus on your text posts rather than the text in the images but I will gladly add to anything you feel you need input on.
>I was already doing professional tier work, better than the so called professionals
I have a strong word of warning regarding that, for example. Bear in mind this is not insinuating anything about you, just a pattern to be on the lookout for. Let me give you a tangentially related example: /sci/ has a lot of people who ended up with that mindset directed at researchers, in particular physics. The danger zone is reached when they start rejecting orthodox/canonical knowledge on the grounds of knowing better, and not taking kindly to being corrected on the fundamentals. Essentially, make sure not to foster resentment towards professionals of any given field.
>UC Berkeley
Sounds like a plan! Also, studying would do you incredibly well socially, I think!
(1/3)

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>>44666459
>>44666488
>>44666515
>>44666569
(2/3)
>But if they already most of it figured out, what was my purpose?
The good news is that the last 20% are 80% of the work, so being almost there is actually the best possible circumstance to work with, as the boilerplate is out of the way.
>the best feedback came from a radical eglitarian who is a CS grad.
Glad you have friend like this at your disposal, you did great showing it to people.
>I guess CS guys dont see art or nuance
Often very technically minded people, yes. As a STEMfag myself I tend to fall into these traps myself at times, but I am grounded enough in at least entry level philosophy and appreciation of the arts to be able to pull away from that perspective... a bit.
>Well maybe he'd be too neurotic like me.
Hm, it sounds like you are imagining a specific sorta scenario to play out saying this, could you try doing a play by play of how you imagine it to go?
>picrel encapsulates the issue
Okay, there are layers to this, which strongly depends on the quality of your audience, too. You see, the thing people don't teach you is that small talk is performance art. Improv. It serves multiple purposes, but I think you will find that the people you will have the hardest time to small talk with will be those that insist on small talk progressing on their terms only. The golden rule of improve is to avoid "no" and embrace "yes, and". Take your example: yes, pivoting from corn farming to human digestion is a perfectly normal way for smalltalk to evolve. "Hey this reminds me of X", "did you know that", "I didn't know that, go on", etc. Another way to play is active listening, which in and of itself is similar in nature, but that too only works if the other person does not sandbag. I can't articulate a flow chart for this but in a way you can either try to take turns remixing ideas or one draws from the other's well.

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That is all for tonight, more soon.
>>44666515
>>44666569
(3/3)
The core of both is the same as most conversations for social purposes, to derive and express mutual enjoyment. I think from this angle you could enjoy it a great deal.
>To combat this I'm vowing to keep a day journal for tomorrow of problems as they arrive
sounds like a plan. I hope my musings (as inexhaustive as they may be) help.
>>44668486
>>44675518
Heya bun, just caught up with last thread.
>not psychosis related.
>I will stay observant.
Thank fuck, please do.
>It's all good, this is very good for me I think.
>Being able to talk about these things openly.
That's what /sig/ is there for!
>>44676117
>I think what you meant is different from what that word represents on this side of the ocean.
I noticed that a lot of academia in the US lacks the gregarious nature and collaborative spirit, at least in STEM. I find that frustrating. Infuriating, even. I hope that you will find some of the experience I had wherever you go.

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Got that time-lock box for my phone today, I tested it and it works. I’m going to put my phone in it when I go to bed tonight. Putting my phone on the other side of my room or even another room has helped me a little, but I need something more definite. Looking forward to at least spending less time on my phone this way.

>>44727277
Does kitty want some catnip?

Bump

Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve been here first off i did my driving knowledge test and passed first try which is like yippie. My driving test is at October 13th but like man I wanted it to be sooner so I could start taking a job and help with the bills, but it looks like I have to wait. Between this time i am planning to do my resume and how to make things more professional.

I’ve talked about this before but I am no longer hitting the dogs whatsoever I still have a bit of anger towards one of them probably because of how he is supposed to be a replacement for dog that passed away. I wish I didn’t have that anger towards him because I know it’s not fair something he never asked for or ever did. It’s gotten a bit better now for me and them as of now. I have been working on my project and updating it and have even added more characters to the mix because at some point I’m looking up material for them and then see other characters who fits them so they now are included in the project lol.

I have cleaned my room once again but this time has been included in that and man it has just been dirty for so long because of so many random wires belonging to consoles, phones and etc. I think i have to throw some of my brother’s old Magic cards because they have just been on the floor for a while. I also put some of my brothers clothes that were taking space where I could put his clothes that were for at least 2 years.

I feel like I have a lot to talk about, but I need to talk about my porn habits. It’s doing a bit better not by much tho still watch and unlocking my browser’s safety mode so I can watch it. I have been using twitter again to watch it and it’s disappointing that I haven’t stopped, but it just feels good, but at the same time I just feel awful watching it. It’s always this high I get but it usually goes away and I feel terrible. It’s easy just going back to porn, but I know it has never done anything good for me in my whole life.

>>44730695
I’ve been blocking any account that looks like they are young because that’s just disgusting. I can’t believe that shit is getting posted and I know I can report them to the NCMEC, but it looks like there is just so damn much to report and it’s like the best thing to do is to just leave it all behind. I hate when any of that shit pops up when I am looking for porn like man I all want is to look at men only men. The way things are it looks like it isn’t going to stop and not much is going to be done about it. I have been thinking about my neighbour the one who showed attraction to me when I was 16 again and I feel disgusted at myself because I want nothing to do with him at all, but I feel so pathetic looking for love at any turn.

One time I was sexualizing any man I saw and it was just awful and it does affect my driving because I can’t help myself but to look at men and that’s a bad thing for the sexualization and driving because I could crash. I downloaded Tindr a while back and when I was on it I had this feeling that maybe I am not ready to be in a relationship. I mean back when I was losing it mentally at 16 I wanted a guy so bad so I don’t have to deal with my pain, but even that’s hurting me. I am 26 now and one of my dreams was to be married and have a daughter and son you know the typical family, but I think maybe I should give up on that dream because I know that maybe one day I can, but I think that ideal is sort of holding me back.

I have been feeling a bit more confident and wanting to do things. I see why men were attracted me I look okay and I don’t feel so down on myself like I am disgusted at myself. It’s just so easy to not try anything at all and to give up and watch porn until I waste myself away. I know if I just push myself even further I can be the person I always wanted to be and get medicated, therapy, and to look myself in the mirror and be happy about who I am despite everything.

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>>44675518
Did the "job interview" go well for you?
>>44687466
Wow, you have a lot going on, and your adopted brother seems like a big jerk. I hope you figure things out. And good luck on getting your driver's license, eventually. It took me quite some time to get mine, but eventually I did.
>>44695884
>That's good to hear.
:]
>I understand, what are you currently dealing with?
Nothing I'm comfortable sharing here. A lot of my issues are related to abuse I suffered when I was younger. But despite everything I am still here, still alive, still me.
>>44725257
Of course. Take time to plan things, we don't expect you to be here 24/7

Good night

>>44732064
night

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>>44729385
yes please mreaow :3
(picrel, i'm not larping. i'm actually a cat)
pg5

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>>44732825
i wish i was a cat

>>44732849
haha
they've got a little onsie

p8

>>44672119
anyone else struggling in this job market?

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>>44729248
After my first night of using my time lock phone box, my reaction is “Unfortunately, it works.” Like, it’s one thing to understand that something is good for you, and another entirely to find out firsthand how much better you feel doing it.

At this rate I could definitely see myself not needing to take any kind of medication to help me sleep on the average night. I’d love to lock my phone up for smaller daytime intervals as well. I figure the less time I let myself use my phone, the more constructive my phone time will become.

No luck on finding any real work yet.

My father has been helping me go place to place physically, followed by emailing them afterward.
He and my relatives are old school in their job seeking.

From now on, I plan to keep a record of every job I apply to both in this town/country and online.
Just to show the actual fruits of my efforts to myself.

With this lack of luck in finding work, I have even more motivation to get back into online work.

That has its own difficulties, but I don't plan on staying in this town for anything longer than a year or two (assuming my father doesn't give me a reason to leave earlier).
I do NOT want to stay with him into my 30s, so I need to think of clever ways to make money and how to build a real career for myself.

I will be looking for online software work as well, so we'll see how well that goes.

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does anyone of you deal with severe nerve pain?
how do you help relief it?

>>44732849
you can become one if you put your mind to it
meow with me twin :3

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Alright, I got 3ish posts today, but some of my energy will have to go into accounting I haven't gotten around to last Sunday. And I forgot to add, I DID change the bed sheets.
>>44674420
So in other words you feel .. numb, perhaps you have for a long time already? Dysphoric too by the sound of it?
>>44677218
>Didn't attend classes today cause I got self conscious and I was already arriving late.
Hope you had a good night's sleep since, and def keep us posted if this becomes a reoccurring problem, okay?
>>44677223
I only have very questionable half knowledge about that. Is it chronic? I assume you'd get medication if it was possible, is it a healthcare issue?
>>44678935
>Too much stuff going on right now, but I read it already.
I fully understand, you can tell I am a bit lagging behind in my own way! Still I am glad you appreciate it and I hope some of it will be of use to you, Anon!
>>44684481
>I fancy to say that I've become something of a reader these past few months
Happy to hear, I need to get back into it as well!

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>>44686919
>I’ll try to at least do self care tonight
Checking in on you, how are you doing? I am glad to hear you planned to do self care after a rough day. As for the nbaw feels, is it a consistent thought plaguing you? I assume you already started your transition.
>>44690847
Yes, especially in public spaces. If you need to vent a little, do go ahead!
>>44691266
Ohh, good pick! I also like to have some konbu at home.
>Also I bought curry powder but i don't know if it is suitable for a soup.
Hm.. depends on the soup, I believe I made coconut squash curry soup in the past. A stick blender is an immensely versatile cooking asset for sauces and soups.
>Work Stress is a major factor which determines how much I blow at a given day
In other words you are most susceptible when you are already stressed out and don't know how to cope after a long day. How do you feel after having what is essentially an expensive treat? Apart from the feelings that tie to it breaking your bank, do you feel relief, I ask because we probably should figure out what you seek out from it that helps you cope, and how much it actually helps. I assume you still feel a fair bit of stress after, how do you decompress once at home?
>isn't exactly fit for drinking
True, I was picturing more of a thermos thing where you get a cup one can hypothetically eat from, and yeah the cleaning would be an issue then too. Never mind in that case!
>>44695651
Sorry to hear you are having a rough time, you are doing great keeping us posted, though!
>>44696129
Agreed, getting to live in a clean room/in a freshly made bed is so nice.

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>>44687466
>>44695096
>>44695647
>that vent
Your father is really probe to making a soap opera out of everyone else's life for seemingly no reason other than paranoia and control.
>Father wants to take me from driving lessons
wait, HE wants to give you the lessons??
>I want to be there by 2027, or at least 2028.
Finger crossed, bun.
>Thank you for bearing with me, I know it is a lot to take in.
>I appreciate your continued patience with my rambling.
I do what little I can, and I do it gladly.
>I will stop looking to him with any hope of consistent wisdom
wise choice, perhaps any acquaintances of his or his partner could be of use?
>>44699532
Reminds me of a small book from Knuth I once read: "Surreal Numbers - How two ex-students turned on to pure mathematics and found total happiness"
>>44702412
I'm glad you share this, by the way!

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Alright, time to balance the books, see you soon.
>>44699675
Yeah, I understand. You don't want toxic positivity but you also want to not just grieve, you wanna overcome. I think it is important that you focus on things you are in control of, and try to avoid making mistakes part of your identity. One of the most stifling thought processes I find are those that tie "I did <X>" to "I *am* <Y>", for example "I didn't do the dishes" -> "I am stupid/lazy". Usually these automatic inner responses are poorly reasoned and incredibly unhelpful.
>i guess im trying to figure out how to be more organised but i came here again cause I was down so I'm not really in a headspace to be that productive.
That is fair. You can always revisit a post when you feel ready for it though. If you do a great start would be describing the things you tried and why they didn't work.
>i guess i wanna actually walk the walk
>that means not just a clear intention but also a strategy.
>i suspect adhd and/or autism and desu
Hm, if you suspect neurodivergence in the mix it might be a very good idea to get a diagnosis, is that on the table?
>im still working on voice and slowly but surely progressing there I think,
That is great news!
>i want to get more organised taking care of my appearance consistently & tracking progress
In that case journaling would help a great deal. With ADHD in the mix the working approaches for that (from what I have heard) are those that are short-circuit: writing what you are doing in one sentence or so into a book you keep on hand, because ADHD brains tend to "now or never" things, and working memory (the RAM part of your brain basically that lets you retain info in the short term) tends to be the most affected by ADHD.
>my relationships & relationship with my self are a mess
Okay, let me divide this in two, first: tell me about your relationships with others, and remind me to ask about your relationship with yourself later.

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>>44728798
>mindset
That is not possible
There are verifiable mistruths. All good scientists "reject orthodox/canonical knowledge on the grounds of knowing better" and their insistence is how we get things changed and developed.
Last century, geologist J harlem bretz fought his entire career for a theory of catastrophism, that change happens suddenly, against the mainstream uniformitarianism, the theory "that Earth's geological features were formed by the same slow, gradual processes we see at work today". In the end he was vindicated.
The same applies to scientific development. The best breakthroughs are paradigm breaking, change happening suddenly. It's unethical to silence yourself if you believe you have the truth.
anothe example, the atrazine whistleblower. new yorker article
I did not like academia because it is culturally married to outdated theory. But I am getting a professional degree.
>resentment
Whoever designed that intersection is going to kill people by their incompetence. I cannot excuse that. Plus...I paid for that.

>purpose
ive been on a roll of ideas lately and already had two for my thesis now. They better take me cause its about them.
>STEMfag
mind sharing what you do?
My essays lived in the CS guy's head rent free. he dragged from the void another longtime mutual friend, a canadian philosophy/x grad, to make him read it. and clearly was offput when that double major said it was "fine". i don't know if the relationship is broke
>neuroticism
I just get a little obsessed with somethings. its nice to have a dampener
>small talk
Corn is a real topic
I was scared the bot was so accurate. Because as I entered the state and saw the endless corn and the sky that had been described to me as being gray. I immediately thought of roundup and multigenerational roundup induced brain damage. Of course I had to bite my tongue
That line was the best I can manage, and like it says, its a cultural nono. Besides corn is a real and very heavy topic, "i like your shirt" isn't.

>>44719123
Sorry, blog posting, booked onto a workplace first aid course/certification so I can start progressing into emergency medical qualifications as an extra skill set to have.
Got my brows done, which, ykno, really funny how not being in a male-dominated environment and taking care of my appearance makes me feel better; who'd've thought it.

I haven't talked about it much, but an emerging goal for me is to just have some kind of way to get into disaster relief/aid work and humanitarian volunteering if the Army falls through in the end. I just genuinely cannot stand working in a factory while /various global events/ happen with nothing I can do about them.
It sounds stupid, but I still feel a calling to do at least something, and it's a discontent I've felt since I was a teenager. Possibly too much time spent watching interviews of volunteer fighters/aid workers during ISIS's most prolific years. Idk, rambling.
>>44663139
I'm not the most active but there's an NB at my workplace who asked me a load of questions so I've got some experience answering. Although my answer for NBs is really, "what is it that you want to achieve specifically in appearance terms?" and to separate all identity stuff to one side (in part because I struggle to understand it - I don't really identify as, I consider myself to be transitioning to something). For hair removal, laser or just regular waxing.
>>44737016
>I DID change the bed sheets.
ah shit I knew I forgot to do something

I'd like for you to address what happened too. Do you see it? People hate me for being who I am. Whether they are intentionally malicious or not. An allergy. A lonely, scorned life for me

pg5

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how do I make this outfit more fem?

>>44739892
more neutral colors?

Good night

>>44737034
>>Work Stress is a major factor which determines how much I blow at a given day
>In other words you are most susceptible when you are already stressed out and don't know how to cope after a long day. How do you feel after having what is essentially an expensive treat? Apart from the feelings that tie to it breaking your bank, do you feel relief, I ask because we probably should figure out what you seek out from it that helps you cope, and how much it actually helps. I assume you still feel a fair bit of stress after, how do you decompress once at home?
it feels me with utter disgust because i am weak at controlling my impulses and it costs me like 500 kcal every time I relapse which isn't good when your BMR is 1600 and I want to budget 1200 kcals.
worse I just go after the same flavors, again, again, and again, day after day.
No, I don't snack after work hours. maybe because, I have the option to cook, but I probably rather starve myself with water if I find myself too lazy to cook, if I am at work, a snack is just 1-3 minutes away.

>>44672119
Any good resources for nutrition and exercise?

pg8

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>>44734240
Second night using my time lock phone box went even better. I’m falling asleep faster, waking up earlier, and not taking any kind of pill to make it happen. Sleeping better feels good, but getting there through my own initiative and discipline feels great.

The lock box obviously has a way to be opened early if you press a few more buttons, but that means just leaving it alone and going to bed is the easier thing to do.

I gave up on ever leaving my shithole county as an swe, and I'm considering selling everything I have, start taking hrt and leaning twerking and pool dancing to, most likely will invest in bbl as well. I have been coding since I was 14, have a degree and I'm literally more poor than people who have part time jobs or neetbux, I'll consider just switching my career to this.

reality is cruel

pg9 meow :3

Today I updated most important files on my laptop to my redundant NFS.

>>44746721
awesome

I can relate, it is a genuine pain in the ass to do

pg7 paw :3

Good night

>>44749442
Night.

goodnight paw :3

pg5 paw :3

>>44672119
Binged yesterday, at least I didn't gain weight. Still I will try to be healthy today. I don't feel like I deserve it but whatever.

Lost count
I need to stop eating late at night
Snacking at most
No more elaborate meals
It ruins everything
Plus need to be more consistent with hygiene
Ok let’s go

gonna take a breath today, catch up on sleep
and start again tomorrow

>>44751067
Oh also I did my hrt today after not doing it in a while :)

pg7

pg paw :3

Update:
>For the moment I am going to be using the techniques that my father has recommended I use for finding work in my physical location
>And I will be using my own ideas for finding work online, particularly work regarding software development
>Despite how over saturated that field is there are ways for me to make money within it
>That is what I will be working on in my own spare time
>I will focus on part-time work, quite frankly permanent positions are very hard to come by here
>This weekend I will take some time to relay some of the more personal things that have happened or that have been unveiled lately
>I'm just taking some time to set things up for next week so that I can be more effective

I hope you are all doing well, many more replies and updates are to come.

>>44749941
nighty night

pg7

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Panty here again. Got two of my wisdom teeth pulled today. I guess they left behind a couple when I was the usual age you get your wisdom teeth removed, and my current dentist suggested I get the rest taken out before they caused me any trouble. It was covered by my insurance so I figured, why not? Obviously, there’ll be some maintenance I have to do, but I’m sure it’s easier getting this done before it becomes necessary.

Still selling off my collectibles on eBay, making good progress there. Already made about $200 this month. I’m spending some of that on packing but the money is a happy accident, the point is to declutter. Sometimes the space is worth more than what was filling it, you know?

pg8

7pg

Good night

i hope one day sigposters can be friends..

>>44759341
...me too...

good morning /sig/

>>44759341
oh the misery every sigle person is my enemy

Come home from work, first thing inject e.
Now the weekend can start.
Fucking love it :3

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Seite sieben.
Reminder to do cognitive activities.
Using my brain after work is fun sometimes.

>>44762905
Is this a Steam game?

>>44763051
Tower Networking Inc.
I'm an IT guy, but I don't really do network stuff at work, so this is a nice change of pace occasionally.

>>44761329
how do you make your injectoins so awesome theyre always scary for me even though ive been doing it for years

>>44763282
Several reasons, I guess.
I don't really mind pain, especially if it's a tiny bit of pain that doesn't last long. Sometimes I can even gain temporary pain immunity.
Neither do I have any phobias about it and I know that my body will deal with that I just did to it. A tiny wound like this is nothing compared to what a body can actually endure and, after healing, just go on almost like nothing happened.
One of the major reasons for why I'm on hrt is possibly fixing some things that massively affect my quality of life, so among a few other reasons, it's my motivation to just j-j-jam it in. And just a few weeks of therapy as well as continuous mentally working on myself aside, I'm amazed at the effects since then as it lets me like myself for the first time since I was like ten or so a short time in.
Also tons of research (on injection sites/methods and the effects of hrt) before I even bought my first vial and a lingering desire to, at least, try hrt that lasted for way over a decade.

>>44737034
>I assume you already started your transition.
way past that point
way past anything and everything
im just waiting now
idk for what
i got nothing else to do
i did more selfcare this week than most weeks
thats good

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>>44763282
It gets easier the more times you do it. One thing that helps me is I listen to the same song each time, something relaxing. “Luv (sic) Part 2 Instrumental” by Nujabes ended up mine.

This video also has good practical advice:
https://youtu.be/Pz49hyOla6s?si=J8poINn3LAGmjsj0

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>>44763693
>>44763450
thank you both....
i hate doing my injections as a fast jab... i know is usually painless if we do it goodly but i never get over it .. i gotta do mine today too

Buying books... to read. Yep, I'm a #reader

pg8 :3

>>44768096
thanks

pg7 paw :3 meow

Sorry again for the delay in replies and responses, this week has been a bit of a mess.

I am desperately looking for local work while at the same time, searching for online work AND trying to learn new things.

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goodnight sig have good dreams

There is a lot of pain out there.

>>44743101
panty is sooo cute

>>44765001
Maybe you could try working with counter-pain.

>>44767081
Reading on my daily bus commute almost every day and have been reading since before I was in elementary.
Mostly books about psychology and (astro-)physics at the moment.
But I have like 20 books I wanna read and there's more in the queue to buy.

>>44772078
i did it and it only took like 2 or 3 minutes! minimal paint but i spent like 3 hours building up to it

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Showered and a bunch of other self care stuff, played guitar for an hour before working on my network for another. Made a firewall, misusing a router :3
Progress instead of just lazing around, yay!

>>44772274
If you're not doing much else while building up to it, you can try to do something that occupies your brain (and maybe your body, for example playing an instrument) before the injection.
Stop that activity at some point and THEN decide to do the injection right away, carrying that momentum.
Or when you come back home, first thing you do is the injection.

>>44770066
Nice numbers

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>>44767081
Panty here. Proud to say I’ve read 41 graphic novels / comic trade paperbacks so far this year. Not the most challenging material of course but it’s stuff I bought intending to read, and it feels good to do it and get done. Hoping to get back to reading some non-comic books soon as well.

Most of the way through pic related right now, having a good time. I guess I’ve got a thing for characters who know who they are and have long blonde hair.

>>44774094
That's a slick looking cover.

>>44769503
thank you, Kamen Rider Zeztz

Good night

>>44737047
>You don't want toxic positivity but you also want to not just grieve, you wanna overcome
yeah... also just realising my social and internal environment lead to a lot of unhealthy reengagement with the same stuff while not really processing things.
>automatic inner responses
I definitely do have some of those as part of my problem, though I think there are a lot of stickier ones I tend towards I haven't identified, that aren't just negative self talk. a lot of feeling like I 'need to do x thing' to feel better, emotional processing stuff
I think I need to change the emotional order I live in: I need to be a little more proactive and minded towards practical steps when it comes to building momentum and making progress: and i think I'm also going to try accepting that I need and deserve more support and that trying to be well on my own isn't working that well
>organisation
I'm going to try something like what >>44727630
recommended, just making time and space for more organised habits a priority and being really conscious of the associations I'm building & continuing to remind myself of things even if I keep forgetting
>what did I try
honestly not that much? I've honestly always been a little at a loss/overwhelmed by how to even be more organised... because it just seemed so counter to how my brain works.
I have managed to do a little organised learning and voice training lately, so that's something.
I do think less time online/on distractions helps me be a lot more mentally available, though I could be better at progressively substituting that for healthy stuff, bc I do tend to keep sliding back into it when I try to quit
I tend to get overwhelmed by trying to do too much at once - fix my space, fix my social life, journal and plan everything - so I'm trying to keep it more step by step.
I do feel like I can get more organised if I can just focus consistently on it for a little while - I have seen little bits of progress, I just don't keep it up

>>44672119
Any tips for socialization in isolated spaces?

>>44737047
>diagnosis
uhhh I've heard very mixed things on whether it's worth it so it just hasn't cropped up as worth bureaucratic hassle yet. maybe I should ask around if it's worth it
>great news!
yes! I've backslid a bit because of inconsistent practice but it was such a joy to make improvement on it. I can't wait until it's where I want it to be, it feels really good to relieve my voice dysphoria through my own effort (and it's very cool that it's a 90% skill/effort based thing)
>journaling
do you have more ideas in the vein of working with short term memory? because that's how i feel about everything and it feels really limiting to a lot of things i want to do desu. it's like I can either be kind of chaotic and ditzy and just very inconsistent at solving problems or making progress, constantly returning to comfy patterns of distraction, because i'm stuck in short term memory... or i can expend a ton of energy trying to hold onto things more long term
even in trying something like that im like... ok keep it to ONE step and see where it goes. get an empty journal and put it on your desk lol. you know? it's very disheartening
I can only really focus when I obsess over one thing at a time
>first, tell me about your relationships with others
hmm well... maybe the situation isn't that bad right now. I chronically struggle with expressing myself, with being reserved & not having great social skills, and with hating myself for how I am around people. I also don't really have a lot of support or communication in my relationships and I tend to feel like I'm not valuable enough to people to be fully included. I really want to change things on this front, but my readiness to actually put effort into making new friends or being more likeable fluctuates a lot. and sometimes I get caught up in making the reason I struggle socially into some really complicated internal reason, and then I put my energy into that instead of experimenting socially

any tips for socializing as a grad student. i just rot in my room, attend classes and apply for jobs these days ;-;

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I should really buckle down and learn Python programming properly, since literally every tech job I looked at mentions it at least once.

Does anybody here have some advice on how to start a project in Python?

I need something that will take 1 to 3 months to complete, so I can have something presentable to show near the end of the year.

I'll take my questions to the tech and business boards as well, but I just figured I would ask here anyway.

>>44778300
Treat the language and everything associated as throwaway. The language pushed a lot of breaking changes in its transition from 2.7 to 3.0 which left some projects in limbo for half a decade. While the main project has since calmed down with its autism the entire community is culturally poisoned by a belief that breaking backwards compatibility on the reg is okay, so don't expect 2yo answers from stackoverflow to be compatible with your current setup without some hiccup.
>t. still bitter

I'm so gross I've been too depressed to take care of my hygiene and now my jock itch is back I want to die.

>>44728808
>Thank fuck, please do
I will, and I have.
Things are 'calm' for now.
I still can't believe how things turned out.
18 years of living with them, only to be treated like this.

>That's what /sig/ is there for!
Thank you again for that.

>>44730870
>Did the "job interview" go well for you?
It went okay, the interviewer was nice and helpful.

No concrete work opportunities yet, I am still applying to work there for now. Applied to two jobs so far, the process is very long.

>Of course. Take time to plan things, we don't expect you to be here 24/7
Thanks again for the patience.

I am trying to plot things out as best as possible. It is hard to believe in it all sometimes.

Put on nail polish for the first time in two months.
I should have been doing other stuff...
Like fighting the urge to stay awake all night. Being a natural night owl isn't easy.

pg8 paw :3

let everything in my garden rot because it rained too often and the weed growth overwhelmed me and I'm deathly afraid of ticks award

>switched browsers for efficiency
>new one gets blocked by 4chan for some fucking reason
>have to boot up the old one to bump /sig/
aaaaaaaaah

>>44783627
damn, sounds annoying as hell

pg7

Good night

>>44785645
nightynight

>>44784316
Yeah....

I am a total fuck up.

>>44788450
Same, but I will never give up, no matter how much just existing hurts, how many thousand times I get beaten down. I'll keep crawling through razor wire every waking moment for the rest of my miserable life (almost literally, because that's what my skin almost feels like on most days), just to use my last remaining energy to hold up my bloody middle finger when my time has come. That's the only thing I've ever known.
The side quest is staying alive just to show the ones who wronged me, the ones who hurt me, that I'm stronger than life itself.
Never ever fucking give up. Keep struggling until you're free.

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>>44788450
We are more than our mistakes. Fucking up can be a lesson about what needs to change, not a sign that you can never do anything right. It’s better to fail than never try, and it’s better to keep trying than to let your fear of failure convince you to stop pursuing success. Failing now doesn’t mean you can’t succeed later.

It’s rare that we’re taught a healthy relationship with failure, since in most public schools, doing everything right all the time just means you’re normal.

>>44788596
Hard as fuck reply here.

>>44788742
>Hard as fuck reply here.
Thanks, haha
Written towards the end of a bit of a breakdown.

pg5 paw :3

>>44737039
>Your father is really probe to making a soap opera out of everyone else's life for seemingly no reason other than paranoia and control
Yup.
That fact has been cemented in reality now.

It's so tiresome to think about all the wasted energy spent on the drama.
Energy we can't afford to waste anyway.

>>44789552
mreow and such?

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>>44696214
So it is more of a FOMO sort of feeling without any concrete issues, so to say? Just a vague unease? Is there something in particular that you feel unfulfilled about?
>>44705216
You did great, Anon! I appreciate the updates.
>>44711041
That is already plenty, glad to hear you're doing things that are good for you.
>>44726281
>5 months in, but I consider this one of the best decisions in my life
I'm happy to hear, Anon!
>>44712141
>Meds aren't helping at all and I'm super desperate.
One thing that I gotta ask (because it is a common problem with ADHD) is if you have been already given various prescriptions that all didn't work, or if your doctor isn't aware of/doesn't react to your experiences? From what I know 20% of people with ADHD don't respond to stimulants for example. And another chunk of the 80% have to go through trial and error processes to find a medication that is really suitable for them. More actionable advice I have is tied to recommendations made by one of the youtube channels mentioned in the resources, though I think it is better you check them out before I just loosely retell their approaches to journaling and scheduling.

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>>44714352
Sorry to hear, Anon. What are your circumstances like? Depression hates a moving target, the question is what your time and energy constraints are.
>>44715851
Single life is a rough thing to get used to, depending on how long you've been in a relationship. I hope you give yourself the time to.. for the lack of a better description, let yourself feel things, if that makes sense? What would you like to work on, Anon?
>>44716588
>my hair is so fucked up and dry and frizzy and scraggly
How often do you wash your hair, do you use shampoo that is suited for dry hair? You might wanna get argan oil if you have long hair, or an appropriate conditioner. If your scalp is oily and your tips dry, you might also just need to brush more (to my understanding) to distribute oil to where it needs to be.
>>44717040
What makes your life bleak, Anon?
>>44717250
>I hope you all are doing okay.
Mostly! I wish you all the best, as always.

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>>44705317
>planning to make garlic focaccia next week when it matures.
Oh nice, I am looking forward to your update! Did you make it already?
>>44718785
>The more time I spend around normies, the more my prejudices are confirmed.
Hah, I feel your pain. Tell me what you are looking for in people, feel free to share your experiences. It might help us recommend you places to look out for.
>>44713843
>i'm glad school has been alright but the loneliness is getting to me.
Tell me about school, Anon! Any people catch your eye there? What is the climate like?
>>44719123
>HRT prescription that cost over £400 for 3 months arrived today
Hold on.. healthcare doesn't cover it?
>I retain the view for anyone reading that there is no reason not to DIY as a first choice for HRT.
That checks out, especially for UK Anons (though I know that the German speaking countries for example don't fare much better).
>Cleared my work probation
glad to hear!
>they keep hiring shitters so I look great by comparison
Oh god, any tea you'd like to spill?
>Pretty much the same, I try to cope with the fact I had a pretty bad start point
>my mental distress is incurable as a result. Which is really not a fun thing to be staring down the barrel of.
It really isn't. I can't truly appreciate what that must be, or put something into words that is more than just me expressing my sympathies. I think your efforts are admirable, and it is upsetting to see you sacrifice so much and still have to deal with so much on top. Having to let go of a career you really wanted is something I feel viscerally these days though. I am so glad you are making progress in the face of it all though, even if it isn't where you want it to be for now. Pardon the rambling, it's just listening to you I couldn't help give an emotional response here.
>>44728698
Hey, that sounds like good progress, I'm happy for you Anon!

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More within the next two days. I plan to catch up again.
>>44721650
Sorry to hear about things being rough, though I am glad you keep on keeping on to reach your target weight. I put on 10ish kg after a stressful period after having lost a ton, so I myself am clawing my way back to where I want to be! We're gonna make it.
>>44723944
>still broken up but my ex is awesoem and we keep talking
I am glad you seem to have broken up on good terms at least!
>Also I maaged ot not come out to anyone this summer
Would you have liked to? Are you out to someone you care about?
>Also I am pretty sure my dosology of hrt is utterly wack and it is affetcting me negatively and i SHOULD fix this but ya know...lazy and effectively non functional
Hrtgen has some decent guides for this, have you consulted them? It would be a low barrier starting point!
I find "laziness" to not usually be a helpful descriptor when it's about executive function/mental energy. People tend to beat themselves up too much when the solution is usually trying to make things easier by removing friction.
>>44727723
>is there rentry for how to reverse the hikikomori in yourself
Hm, not specifically! I know uboachan of all places used to have resources for hikki/NEET recovery. I cannot vouch for the contents there but it may be worth look. It is an *extremely* slow moving chan if memory serves. If you want we can also discuss aspects you struggle with here.
>>44720203
I should be the one to thank all of you for your patience! I really appreciate it.
>>44733999
A lot of anons, unfortunately. Even some close friends of mine. Recession sucks.

>>44791039
kissu

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have a mice day my dear trans

>>44793886
Take care and many thanks.

Good night

>>44790012
mreaow :3
(pg7)

why should I bother living to my 30s or beyond?

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>>44795989
We all die eventually, and even an entire human life is tiny compared to the fullness of time. What’s the hurry?

You won’t be able to perceive the absence of whatever you’re trying to escape if you go that route.

And why is being young so much more special? A great deal of that is because younger adults are easier to control and manipulate. So much of the social capital of youth is our capacity to be exploited. In many cases, “too old” means being old enough to know our own worth.

Just some food for thought. Hope it helps.

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>>44672119
I got a job at the local grocery store.
If I understand the email correctly that is.

I don't know how to feel about it, the relief is very overwhelming right now.

I will message more later.

But by the 24th August 2027, I need to have another plan for my 'career'.

pg7

>>44737039
>wait, HE wants to give you the lessons??
Yes.
He's done it before when I was in Australia, I was a little less scared and he was a little less aggressive at least.

We will see how that goes, I'm not keen on it.
I am so done with him.

>Finger crossed, bun
By 2027, things need to be better so I need a clear career path.

By 2028, I need to be rid of all or at least most of my familial burdens with my Dad and the drama.

I refuse to spend my 30s answering to someone else, unless there's a good paycheck involved.

>>44737039
>wise choice, perhaps any acquaintances of his or his partner could be of use?
For now, I will turn to my grandfather and some very close friends for guidance on moving forward in my life.

>I do what little I can, and I do it gladly
:)

>>44791027
>Tell me about school, Anon! Any people catch your eye there? What is the climate like?
it's relatively laid back in terms of just getting grades but ofc because of the job market everyone's just shut in mass applying jobs. it's my final year grad too so we're all a bit more stressed about it because unemployment is getting more real very soon.

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Viewed a flat today which I intend to sign on, quite pricy but also extremely nice desu. Also think I forgot to mention but paid for a workplace first aid course so I can start working through EMT / medical qualifications.
>>44791027
>Hold on.. healthcare doesn't cover it?
Oh heavens no, why would the NHS (whom I pay taxes towards) cover an NHS GP's (that I paid privately) written prescription to treat my Care Quality Commission recognised psychiatrists diagnosis (that I also paid for myself) so that I can maybe at some point in the future join the British Army and provide a service back to this country (sorry I know that sounds naive as fuck to a lot of people but I care about my countrymen/women and want to do more than deliver profit to a CEO - that's it own can of worms that I try not to talk about much, I'm still trying for that career but it's going to have been delayed by well over a year by the time I get a shot at it again).
One may start to get a sense that I feel the social contract has gotten broken somewhere, because I keep holding up my end of the deal, but can't seem to get shit all back for it.
I'll be changing prescriptions in November anyway because Pride in Health (who I'm using atm) aren't CQC registered, so don't work for the army medical standard - which I only learned after starting using them. Unrel but just to give PIH credit, while quite slow to get a prescription all their staff have been lovely, if for whatever reason someone did want a prescription without the same restrictions I have they are really not a bad option.
>Oh god, any tea you'd like to spill?
We hired a guy on ~£7k more than me P/A who decided to repeatedly get high on shift, can't perform basic tasks (literally put the wrong size bolt into a hole once without noticing, no I am not joking), and then lies about it when called out.
I will however be using this as leverage for a raise in ~3-4 months once I've been at this company for a year.

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Not much today, but at least something.
>>44730695
>>44730742
Welcome back, Anon!
>i did my driving knowledge test and passed first try
Congrats, wishing you well for your driving test next month!
>It’s gotten a bit better now for me and them as of now.
I am glad to hear, I hope you also had some time to grieve, besides. You said a lot of your brother's stuff way lying around in your room for a long while.. you might have mentioned it before, but I don't recall anymore unfortunately. Did he move out or..?
>I feel like I have a lot to talk about, but I need to talk about my porn habits.
Always happy to help, Anon.
One quick question, how often do you masturbate without porn, or do you not do it at all?
>I feel so pathetic looking for love at any turn.
From what I remember you are quite lonely and socially isolated, right? I must have mentioned before that this gets easier as you find people to meet your social needs, it will take some out of the pressure out of finding a partner, albeit not all.
>but I think that ideal is sort of holding me back.
Hm, in what way? Could you expand on that part? You also mentioned not feeling ready to be in a relationship, in what way? Do you worry about making mistakes, perhaps?
>I have been feeling a bit more confident and wanting to do things.
It also sounds like your self image is improving, good news all around. I believe in you being able to make it!
>>44734645
Sorry to hear bun.
>He and my relatives are old school in their job seeking.
That can be a boon, however, showing initiative, and a mail is more easily ignored than a knock on the door.
>From now on, I plan to keep a record of every job I apply to both in this town/country and online.
Good idea.
>>44735183
It is rare we have Anons with chronic conditions but we had a few. Do you have access to appropriate healthcare or are you on your own so to say?

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>>44738752
>>44738761
>reject orthodox/canonical knowledge on the grounds of knowing better
It strongly depends. There are cases like that, sure, but it is not the examples I am thinking of. One could argue there is a fine line between a revolutionary and a crackpot, but 99% of the time what I said about
>not taking kindly to being corrected on the fundamentals
is a good litmus test. For example, creating an elaborate theory that, when scrutinized, is not only different from canon but also disagrees with experiment, tends to tip the scales. Hell, one could even argue that the most disruptive changes in theory of the recent few centuries, special relativity and QM, both did not introduce concepts that were radically new initially (funnily enough BOTH have strong ties to electromagnetism in their mathematical language). But I digress. Your geology example shows a where my sort of reasoning does not apply, as it was a situation where conjecture stood against conjecture. Very important sort of discourse but not the thing I usually have in mind.
>I did not like academia because it is culturally married to outdated theory.
I get where you are coming from but I still kind of wince a little at this, I think pop science has done a lot of cultural damage putting the idea of the savant genius on a pedestal. The h-index driven citation economy of modern academia rewards the aesthetic of novelty. It encourages in my opinion disruptive, egotistical behavior and a focus on hype over incremental improvement. It is different from field to field but I have just seen so little incentive to collaborate with people, I would even say it is outright systemically discouraged. One of the reasons I will leave academia is actually that I have grown tired of this need for novelty over substance.
(1/2)

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>>44738752
>>44738761
(2/2)
>the atrazine whistleblower
I know the story, in this case it was not academia alone that was the issue but US law that essentially allowed the main producer of atrazine to set parameters for (don't quote me on the details but there is a good documentary on it on youtube) "acceptable research conditions" that allowed them to disregard all publications that disagreed with their own "findings". That said, the guy suffered greatly and I don't know if his career survived the attacks he suffered. Heavily politicized subjects are a mine field, there are a lot of rat bastards.
>They better take me cause its about them.
Fingers crossed!
>mind sharing what you do?
I can't without doxxing myself, I can state that I have a PhD in physics with a quantum mechanics background, and that my research is primarily tied to numerical simulation.
>i don't know if the relationship is broke
Hm, that is a little extreme a reaction, absolutely. It is insightful he feels so strongly about it, it could be exciting a thing to dissect if he was willing to let go of it being a "right vs wrong" debate.
>its nice to have a dampener
That is true, it is good to have someone that helps with grounding.
>its a cultural nono.
Naturally.
>Besides corn is a real and very heavy topic, "i like your shirt" isn't.
Hm, that is true! Although, and perhaps that is useful about your shirt example specifically, it is actually a perfect non-topic to derail. For example, if someone were to say that to me, and I was in a talkative mood, I would likely talk about adjacent things, for example I would have a few things to say about shirt materials, both from a personal preference perspective as well as their properties and utility in different climates. With that I could for example quickly pivot to the subject of linen which is actually a whole can of worms in its own right from multiple angles. That is the improv angle I mean.

Also, for my actual /sigging/ of the week.
Started BBlarping again, only casually, and I'm not going to go super into the rabbithole, but having some high-intensity cardio with a little bit of a social/competitive aspect is just good for my MH and gets me out of sort of the dysphoria brain cycle.
This flat I'm intending on renting is a lot closer to my work so I should be able to start cycling into work (like it's 15mins by bike instead of being 30 miles away which is my current commute), I'm a little worried about the finances of it but I think I can manage, I will just have to actually budget. Also, it does a lot for my ability to actually socialise because my hometown has skewed age demographics and not a lot to do.
I'm also unironically (and yes I am a stereotype) looking into getting a little into some tabletop stuff (just killteam atm since I bought a set, but might consider battletech).
Will be starting to ease back into running after frankly too long off post FFS (nearly 2 months since I've been consistently running now).

All my other stuff is just like waiting for my hair to grow out and I'm probably going to start looking at getting SRS done
>>44795989
I mean, I'm all of 25, but to my understanding your 30s are basically your 20s but you actually have money and life experience to draw on.
>>44791027
>Pardon the rambling
Never apologise for your rambles (I say, as someone who has never had an unexpressed thought).
It is kind of wild to see how different I am from when I first posted in here back in like mid-late 2023 when I actually was trying to join the Navy.

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the highs of the visions have worn off
the lack of bf touch feels exponentially more absent
the reality of the paperwork has set in
the tranny question knocks on the door again
the doubt will seep in
the noise permeates, the floor vibrates, in my cage.
oh liquor, always there for me, but never completing
its over

I am sad.

Good night

>>44796777
i will never have a job ever im too retarded

>>44791006
well its more specific than just vague unease, there are milestones that other people easily hit a decade ago that I am still struggling to make, and the sense of that and all the milestones beyond it that I cant even get close to is really depressing

>>44803971
nightnight

>>44791013
>Mostly!
I understand completely.

>I wish you all the best, as always
Thank you, again :)

I appreciate that now more than ever, things have been getting very heavy lately here.

>do good on my diet for a day
>feel like shit from dysphoria the next day and cope eat
>erase all my progress from the previous day
>feel even shittier than before
4 years ago I was 100lbs lighter and about to start hrt

pg6 paw :3

>>44806996
thanks again kitty

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>>44806315
First, if you need to stop comfort eating, give yourself an option besides willpower. Chew gum, get a chew toy (they make lots of different kinds for adults) or even an adult pacifier if you haven’t already.

Think about your triggers. Personally, I comfort eat when I can’t sleep. Get some lateral problem solving into the mix.

Another thing to try is lower calorie snacks. Eat roasted pumpkin seeds instead of potato chips, that kind of thing. If it’s easier to eat fewer calories than less food, do that.

You’ve also got to look at the bigger picture. Don’t limit your self-worth to how well you ate yesterday. Keep track of how many times a day or days a month you felt good about how you ate. Find a way to show yourself the progress you’re making.

Sorry if any of this is something you’ve already heard. I hope somebody finds it useful.

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I hope you all are well.

is it reasonable to assume that I am being doomer about "never having any goals" when I have had goals? i still feel behind for my age, but im not that disorganized

>>44809125
kinda similar-ish i'm not doing too bad but i'm still behind a lot of people my age. same question as well, idk if i'm being a doomer or just self aware that it's joever for me.

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>>44809277
I feel like your 20s is a hard decade to judge whether you are doing 'well' or not. I have friends that are married with 2-3 kids while others are working on their second masters. I have nothing in either direction. I do have some cash and no debt. Hard to say

>>44809125
What does being a doomer do to help you? You don’t need to be negative to set realistic goals.

Framing like “Doing the best I can” and “Living my best life” is more than enough to account for your actual limitations when planning your future and setting goals.

This website’s culture puts way too much stock into the wisdom of negativity (and I mention that because “doomer” started here). It’s actually a lot easier to accomplish things if you believe that you can succeed and what you want to do is worth doing.

>>44809914
True! I am in a cycle of forgetting that and then remembering it. My main plan for after HS was to just rot and die and now it's almost 10 years later and I'm still alive. I've accomplished some goals in the meanwhile, but I'm constantly on myself about not doing more, which i recognize is impeding my ability to actually do shit.

>>44809914
I love your take about the 'wisdom of negativity' btw. This was exactly my mindset. I always had a fear of being delusional and grandiose so it felt better to swerve into the other direction.

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Panty here with a cooking update. This is everything I’ve made so far this month.

1. Sweet potato chili with spicy marinated tofu
2. Spicy mango stir fry with spicy tofu and roasted vegetables
3. Zuppa Toscana — sliced potatoes, white beans, kale, spicy Italian sausage in chicken broth and coconut milk
4. Strawberry sandos. Toasted brioche, fresh strawberries, with frosting made from Greek yogurt, cream cheese, and a little bit of honey

I’ve made all this and posted about it before, but I figured what’s the harm in posting about it again for any newbies? Especially if I can fit it all into one post.

I’m almost healed from my dental surgery, and almost done reading that book of Thor comics. It was pretty good overall, although I’m even more excited to read some newer Thor comics for contrast after this.

I had a meeting with my financial counselor today. I’m planning on selling off the majority of my toy collection soon and putting the proceeds into my savings account.

pg7 :3