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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

I may be a spoiled brat. I guess there's worse fates!

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>>44738821
>Do you see it? People hate me for being who I am.
Hm, difficult. If you are who I think you are I did not see the way people approached you here as resentful, unless I missed something. But I don't wanna dismiss you being hurt over things in the slightest. It is just that, very often in life, people can hurt us in ways they never intended. I mean, I can imagine some of my words being too confrontational too, but I never felt like I made you feel disliked in the slightest in spite of my ways.
>>44738810
Heya Navy
>I can start progressing into emergency medical qualifications as an extra skill set to have.
Oh, nifty!
>an emerging goal for me is to just have some kind of way to get into disaster relief/aid work and humanitarian volunteering if the Army falls through in the end.
Oh, that's great news actually! I am glad you have a backup plan like this. I think it's a noble thing to aspire to.
>ah shit I knew I forgot to do something
Never too late!
>>44741556
>Any good resources for nutrition and exercise?
I believe the fit sticky contains basic pointers that cover the basics well, micros, macros, CICO, and beginner friendly routines if memory serves.
>>44743141
>I have been coding since I was 14, have a degree and I'm literally more poor than people who have part time jobs or neetbux, I'll consider just switching my career to this.
That fucking sucks, it sounds like you are being taken advantage of with shit pay, given you say you live in a shithole country I assume that your colleagues all have the same problem, perhaps you know other programmers at other companies too? I am just trying to get a feeling for whether it's just the entire field thanks to your country or your employer specifically.
>>44748153
>I can relate, it is a genuine pain in the ass to do
It is, I am slowly automating the process with bash scripts but I don't wanna break anything so I do things manually for a while to get a feel for it.

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Christ almighty almost posted these in the wrong thread..
>>44741126
>it feels me with utter disgust
Yes, that is the shame aspect of it all, but I mean that is more the part I tried to exclude, I am trying to figure out what drives the impulse because I strongly suspect it's coping with stress. Ultimately what you want to do after all is try to attack the problem at the root, you need something to cope with the stress that is actually good for you, that will reduce cravings, while the other core issue (availability) is likely tied to your bodily needs.
>I have the option to cook, but I probably rather starve myself with water if I find myself too lazy to cook
>if I am at work, a snack is just 1-3 minutes away.
There is a good chance that with actual food at work you might find it a lot easier to resist. If we somehow tackle fullness on the one hand as well as emotional well being on the other then chances are you can shake that habit off a lot more easily. Have you made progress catching yourself in the act, by the way?
>>44750693
>Still I will try to be healthy today.
I am glad you approach things this way, it is very important not to spiral in the face of a setback.
> I don't feel like I deserve it but whatever.
I understand that, you chastise yourself for slipping up (ultimately because you want to be better), but still being kind to yourself in spite of that is good for productivity and as such was the right call. Proud of you!
>>44751624
>Oh also I did my hrt today after not doing it in a while :)
Well done!
>>44756036
Hope you recovered well from the wisdom teeth removal, Panty!
>>44762905
>Using my brain after work is fun sometimes.
100% agreed!

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>>44763679
>i did more selfcare this week than most weeks
>thats good
It is, I'm glad to hear.
>im just waiting now
>idk for what
I do wish you find something worth the wait Anon. You're lonely, aren't you?
>>44777596
>Any tips for socialization in isolated spaces?
Very good question, it depends on the kind of isolated space. For example if you live in the boonies and can't move or travel sufficiently regularly one of the few options is finding people online, as much as it pains me to say.
>>44777448
>I think there are a lot of stickier ones I tend towards I haven't identified
>a lot of feeling like I 'need to do x thing' to feel better, emotional processing stuff
Yeah, things like that are a fucking journey at the best of times. It's difficult and I wholeheartedly encourage to share some of your inner world with people you trust, it helps a great deal to get many perspectives. Having a pro look at you can help too, but remember that it is like with other kinds of doctors: you won't vibe with everyone and some are unhelpful jackasses. As you yourself said:
>I'm also going to try accepting that I need and deserve more support and that trying to be well on my own isn't working that well
This is an important step and I am glad you are taking it!
>I need to be a little more proactive and minded towards practical steps when it comes to building momentum and making progress
A great goal to set, absolutely. I personally try to decompose things into small, actionable, digestible elements.
>I'm going to try something like what >>44727630 recommended
Yes, I think that's a great approach. And remember, you can always lean on people when you find a point of friction you don't yet know how to creatively sidestep!
>I've honestly always been a little at a loss/overwhelmed by how to even be more organised
That is perfectly fine an answer! I only ask because it can downright hurt to hear tried suggestions that didn't hurt ad infinitum.
(1/2)

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>>44777448
(2/2)
>I have managed to do a little organised learning and voice training lately, so that's something.
Yes, that's wonderful news actually! You trying to remove distractions bit by bit is also a good call.
>so I'm trying to keep it more step by step.
Unfathomably important insight, yes. Change needs to be sustainable! It is a bit of advice I have to give incredibly often, it's foundational even. Getting overwhelmed is a disaster scenario. You are doing great!
>>44777925
>maybe I should ask around if it's worth it
A good call I think.
>do you have more ideas in the vein of working with short term memory?
Interstitial journaling comes to mind, an example is shown in this video: https://youtube.com/watch?v=UFidZJhxz84, also check this one out for an alternative approach https://youtube.com/watch?v=5hLnY9L1c-M
>you know? it's very disheartening
I 100% get it, it's why I like offering people with ADHD content from people with it by the way. I want to make you feel less alone in your struggles.
Also, make sure to ping me to talk about your self image next, ok? But I would like to first wrap up the "relationship with others" bit (I have to put that here though else I will forget).
>with being reserved & not having great social skills,
Do you feel it is a matter of trusting others not hurt you in a vulnerable moment?
>I chronically struggle with expressing myself,
Could it be the hard part is articulating your feelings? Picrel comes to mind on this subject for me a lot, I don't know if you find it insightful.
>and with hating myself for how I am around people.
Do you ruminate a lot after talking to people, analyzing things you "might have done wrong"?
>I also don't really have a lot of support or communication in my relationships and I tend to feel like I'm not valuable enough to people to be fully included.
Are there people you feel you could lean on, if you got closer to them?
(1/2 again)

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>>44777925
(2/2)
>making the reason I struggle socially into some really complicated internal reason
A common pitfall, yes. And you are on a limited energy budget, too, which is normal even for NT people when it is about socializing. I burn out quickly talking to too many people I am not super close to, for example.
>>44778211
>any tips for socializing as a grad student.
Sure! What is your work group like, any other grad students or postdocs you'd like to get closer to? Or is it not a very social setting? Does your uni/faculty hold events?
>>44778652
>I'm so gross I've been too depressed to take care of my hygiene
I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time Anon. Remember, any little thing you can do in that state is already a victory, even if it is just brushing your teeth once a day.
>>44780543
>Put on nail polish for the first time in two months.
Glad to hear, Anon! Hope it was a nice change of pace. And yes, trying to fix your sleep hygiene is hard.
>>44782506
>let everything in my garden rot because it rained too often
Sorry to hear Anon, my balcony plants almost all died from mold thanks to the weather, too.

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That is it for tonight. 2:17 today isn't half bad but I doubt I will clock in more than 12 hours of sigging this month. If I manage 15 I would be on par with August, I am already more active than I was July. </report>
>>44783627
Oh I had 4chan troubles recently as well, could it be that they start choking up on Firefox these days?..
>>44792345
Well aren't you cute.
>>44795989
>why should I bother living to my 30s or beyond?
One important reason is that at the age of, say, 25 you spent at least 72% of your life without legal agency. Think about that. Almost three quarters of your life was essentially determined by your parents at that age. You barely started living by 30.
>>44800213
>it's my final year grad too so we're all a bit more stressed about it because unemployment is getting more real very soon.
No wonder, yeah. Tell me, do you wish to keep in touch with some of them? Now would be a great time to get their contacts yet if you haven't. Especially when your waging era starts (and theirs) chances are you'll have a very busy year or two and it will keep you sane being able to talk to like minded people more. You can also, depending on your field, hope that a place that employs a lot of people from [your field] will have some tolerable people too, but I am not one for mixing work and private life more than necessary. Since it's the final year you probs don't have much time meeting people outside of uni so you probably want to try and cling to some people there if you can help it, it greatly helped my mental keeping in touch with some.
>>44804577
>there are milestones that other people easily hit a decade ago that I am still struggling to make,
Oh I fully understand. Be it an environment that slowed you down, executive function problems, or sometimes just rotten fucking luck it is easy to feel like you have an unbearable amount of catching up to do I wager. Tell me, what milestones in particular do you have in mind? What makes you feel overwhelmed, if anything?

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>>44835269
>Hope you recovered well from the wisdom teeth removal, Panty!
Thanks! So far so good. I followed the instructions from the dentist pretty closely, and the places where my wisdom teeth used to be are only a little tender now.

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Turned 26 today, decided to not go out and do alot of thinking, bought myself some drinks and gonna play Super Metroid

u guys think siganon is ok

>>44836099
Oh nice, have a good one! It at least sounds like a relaxing evening, all that self-care stuff and shit.

>>44835330
>could it be that they start choking up on Firefox these days?..
Seems like it

refuelled my zippo after ages. cig time :3
have a fun weekend /sig/ ly all ⊂((・▽・))⊃

>>44835269
alright let's see what goon thread siganons up to

Good night

>>44838464
'tank yuu

pg7

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>>44834226
First day of training is tomorrow.

Wishing you all the best, I am going to sleep now.
Take care and be safe.

pg8 paw :3

>>44841068
cute

i hope to one day be self improving..... i wish i could dress in cute clothes ....

p9

>>44834226
im scared of going outside by myself but i ate at a breakfast place near my grocery store today!! the guy there was rlly lovely and nice, he made me eggs n toast with roasted tomato's, there's another place right in front of my apartment that i think ill go to tomorrow! it's a bit expensive though... but it'll be worth it!!

i ran out of hrt and ive been avoiding getting new pills (pharmacy literally just down the street its such a nothing problem), but im gonna go do it rn!!! im all hyped up raaaaaaaaaaa

pg7 paw :3

i can't tell what i need. i keep trying to do a dopamine detox, but not i'm feeling guilty for doing anything that isn't staring at a wall.

Good night

>>44848671
night

goodnight/sig/

Called in sick, cooked some food (as far as you can call heating up frozen food in a pan "cooking"), washed up right after, did one load of laundry, cleaned the toilet and sink and vacuumed the hallway and living room.
My own room is still a fucking mess, but at least I did a lot today.
How ever the hell I managed to do all that.

Also started writing a reply to the chain of walls, might be done with that this weekend.

How did dysphoria manifest for those of you who took longer to realize?

I realized I was gay as a kid, but it really wasn't until a year ago I began to question my gender. I'm not in any great distress when it comes to this issue as far as I can tell, but I find that some of my issues of self esteem and body image which do cause me great distress can be traced back by this desire to become more feminine. I also experience this odd longing in regards to those people I meet whom I want to emulate. I think to myself, "Why can't I be more like them?" Not infrequently are they women or demonstrating a more traditionally feminine trait. Socially, I also feel like the gender roles seem a bit more inline with who I am. I have read about HRT, a lot of the changes oddly appeal to me. On top of this, I do have some history trying to explore my feminine side that was largely shut out because of other reasons that are too long to go into. My issue is that my analysis of this feels all too clinical and sterile. I'm not sure if I'm simply looking into this too much?

Whenever I have thought about the possibility of transition in the past it all feels like too much hassle. It sounds so taxing mentally, physically, and socially. At the same time, the thought enters my head more than I'd like to admit. I used to think I was comfortable with my gender, but now I'm reexamining it and I've come to the conclusion I never quite felt like I fit. Part of me also feels that I don't want to waste the rest of my life living as somebody I'm not. I feel some discomfort around this subject, because I have never really had many female friends or role models. That 'world' feels almost alien to me. But part of me also thinks, "it can't be that different, right?" We're all human, after all. Then the other side of me says that to reduce us to simply "human" is perhaps discounting the difference in experience which exists.

Thank you for reading my boring blogpost.

>>44834226
First day of retail training went okay.
Two more days this week, 6 hours each.

Hopefully I can get the 20 hours worth of work I am hoping for but I will be happy with the base 12 hours.
The pay per hour should be good ($24 to $29 maybe?).

I plan to save up for the next 3 months, just to see how much I can invest it into my skills.
I want to practice programming daily but I will settle for using Fridays and Saturdays for that.

>>44843576
they are arent they

>>44849590
i realised at 20

i always had bad body image/self esteem which i put down to being fat and unpopular as a kid. it was normal to me so i didn't realise until later how disproportionate those feelings were for me, i didn't have an explanation for why i felt so gross/wrong and if i'd thought more about it i probably would have just taken the blame and thought 'i'm too sensitive' or something.

longing was a big emotion that led me to realising. my egg cracked when i let myself take tiny steps to see where those emotions led me. i didn't ask myself the big question 'am i trans' but i realised i liked referring to myself as 'she' in my own head, i wanted to try being more feminine, etc.

a sense of longing and wanting to emulate others, or through emulation imagine a future for myself, is really core to my feeling of transness. i couldn't imagine a future nor anyone i wanted to be like when i was stuck thinking of myself as a man. 'identity' gets thrown around a lot but my sense of identification with women - wanting to be like them, wanting to grow into an old woman, wanting to experience the same roles they got to - really helped me understand i was trans. it was hard to square logically with what i understood about life living as a boy/man but maybe that's why it helped. it wasn't a logical thing at all and i just happened to be in the right mental space to see that clearly and accept it. i wanted a life as a woman, i looked up to it, and i didn't care what happened to me at all in my life as a man, and the contrast felt clear.

it is really hard and taxing, and yes different but the same. 'femininity' is not that magical and exotic, we're just human, but being able to be yourself and stop suppressing things can feel magical, and otoh your new position in life much lower on the totem pole can be hard to wrap your head around. the world you have to navigate as a woman is kind of alien

i dont really know what to advise but maybe explore 1 thing at a time

page sevening

pg7 paw :3

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Tomorrow.

>>44853537
Thank you.

p6
goodluck ladies

Hi
First time posting on /lgbt/.
Been feeling distraught over my gender and feelings for a friend of mine. Dispite that, I'd like to feel joy.
https://youtu.be/4Df5V40-VYI

>>44855639
welcome

>>44856655
Thanks. Any tips for newcomers?

pg8

Good night

I tried to play piano very, very, very shittily for 30 minutes or so today.

>>44858467
Better than nothing.

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I gotta get on hrt finally, i guess that's a goal.

I'm on my parent's medical plan. i'm not too worried about getting a prescription cuz im in tranada, what i am worried about is my parents knowing about it.

is it possible that they can be notified through their insurance, would paying out of pocket avoid this? would my family doctor have to know and then somehow mention it?

just trying to cover all the angles here

>>44856802
For now, just be polite.

>>44859386
I try.
>>44858467
Its a start, would you continue?
>>44858990
Can't give advice on this, but I wish you well on your journey of transition.
>>44855639
Think i'll tell my friend about this dilemma. Don't really have any other options. Meet this person in the summer, yet I'd like to spend an eternity with them.

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Don't know why I'm posting in here of all places but fuck it, here we go.

I have hEDS, I've had it my whole life, and within the last couple of years, I guess I've accrued enough damage that it's becoming difficult to get around without hurting. I went to the zoo yesterday and managed to walk for about an hour and a half before every joint in my body from my lower back down to my toes started hurting. Ended up needing a wheelchair and it was embarrassing. Right now I'm laying on like three heating pads to try and get the pain under control.

I don't like it. Like it wasn't that long ago that I was fine. It all just happened so fast and now, like... I don't even know if I can work anymore.

I'm... I guess I'm depressed about this.

What should I do, anons?

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I feel like I could fix my life if I had someone to come home to every night who would give me a hug and a pat on the head and tell me I'm doing a good job and I'm loved. But I'll never find that unless I fix myself. But I can't fix myself when every day is just an endless lonely grind with no light at the end of the tunnel.

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>>44860161
I understand this feeling. I felt that way for a long time as well. I was in a few relationships that I hoped would make me feel ready to transform myself the way you’re wanting.

Eventually, I started taking care of myself while I was single, and I’m glad I did. At this point, I don’t think anybody else can want for you what you want for yourself better than you can.

From my perspective, what’s really stopping you is the idea that taking care of yourself and pursuing your personal development won’t get any easier on its own, and that’s making you afraid to start. For me, it’s been like a snowball effect. Doing small tasks has energized me and made me feel ready to tackle bigger ones.

You don’t have to believe me or follow my advice mind you, I’m just offering it on the off chance it helps.

im tired

pg7 paw :3
>>44861085
unrelated and nta. i was at this merch/figurines store in the city and spotted the new panty merch, that reminded me of you!

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Alright, let's get going..
Lot's of munged links because of the word filter..
>>44754347
>44779545
>44789770
>44796777
I'm keeping an eye on your posts as I am catching up, please tell me if I forget to respond to something.
>It's so tiresome to think about all the wasted energy spent on the drama.
I fully understand how that feels. I am often thankful for my poor memory.
>I got a job at the local grocery store.
Oh that would be great news! I hope nothing bad happened since that post, as I'm still catching up.
>>44798478
>Yes.
Is he the type who is shit at teaching yet will be personally offended when you decline/look for help elsewhere? Why must he do this to himself *and* you?
>I am so done with him.
>I refuse to spend my 30s answering to someone else
EXTREMELY valid.
>>44798675
>44805362
>For now, I will turn to my grandfather and some very close friends for guidance on moving forward in my life.
That sounds great actually, do keep me posted on that front!
>I appreciate that now more than ever, things have been getting very heavy lately here.
Things are tough out there, and you're in a difficult position. You are fighting tooth and nail, and it seems like you're finally catching a bit of a break!
>>44823680
>My birthday is almost here
Oh shit, when is it/was it?
I hope your first week at work is pleasant so far.

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gonna write up one or two more..
>>44800531
>>44800868
>Viewed a flat today which I intend to sign on, quite pricy but also extremely nice desu.
Hope it went well!
>Oh heavens no
That's just genuinely offensive, I'm honestly at a loss for words. I do find your generally altruistic mindset very sweet by the way, I mean why the hell did I want to be in academia? I did not care as much about the freedom as I cared about teaching people with genuine interest (which is antithetical to school to me).
>Unrel but just to give PIH credit, while quite slow to get a prescription all their staff have been lovely
That's a real relief to hear at least.
>We hired a guy on ~£7k more than me P/A who decided to repeatedly get high on shift
Jesus Christ that is GRIM compared to the rest you mentioned, and definitely use this to negotiate. What kind of zero communication policy does your management have that these people repeatedly get in? Or do they defer hiring completely to inept HR Karens? This would be comical if it didn't affect you like this.
>Started BBlarping again, only casually
Oh, so like airsoft stuff? Cool! Is it indoorsy or outdoors?
>I will just have to actually budget.
I've started budgeting myself recently, I balanced my books of the last 2+ years in around a month, it's a good habit to have. If your bank allows export to CSV format, I highly recommend making use of that.
>into getting a little into some tabletop stuff
I mean you're in Warhammer country, after all!
>Never apologise for your rambles
I'll try to remember that, thank you..
>It is kind of wild to see how different I am from when I first posted in here back in like mid-late 2023 when I actually was trying to join the Navy.
I know, right! You've got a lot to be proud of.
>>44813427
>I got nothing to show for myself.
I am still glad you posted an update, what would you like to accomplish?
Short term, for example.
>>44820289
>Did 8 miles on the treadmill for a total of 13 today
Awesome, well done Anon!

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>>44816490
>The isolation is crushing.
>I just can't find the courage to do things alone. I'll update again if anything changes.
We're rooting for you, Anon. getting out of the isolation hole is hard, especially depending on your personal circumstances and history. If there is anything you'd like a fresh perspective on, we can try.
>>44824820
>I keep fucking up even when told wgat and how to correct myself
Hm, sounds like executive function issues, is it a recent development?
>>44827100
>I appreciate the reminder.
Hah, you're welcome! I thought of it since I actually missed out on preordering the Helltaker plushies, but I was lucky enough to get one later on! Whatever you pick, feel free to share a picture if you feel like it. Glad you are making progress with your sleep hygiene as well.
>>44830496
>I hate myself so goddamn much.
What do you hate about yourself?
>>44831593
>Is that why I have constant headaches and can't stop crying?
Actually there is a high chance those two are connected yeah.

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Caught up with last thread, at least. Goodnight for now.
>>44831067
>I feel bad.
Physically, emotionally?
>>44832099
>i have no friends nobody understands me and im close to roping.
>my panic attacks have returned and they make me feel like im dying im going insane
I am sorry to hear things have gotten this bad again, you must be very isolated and feeling very fragile right now. I know this isn't the fastest gen but if you want you can get some feelings off your chest and afterwards we can try to discuss how to try and help you recover a little.
>>44834613
Certainly.
>>44835460
That's great news, chances are then it's gonna be fully healed very soon!
>>44836099
Happy birthday, Anon. Glad to hear you're treated yourself.

pg8 paw :3

I don't wanna die as this person.

I wish I could turn back time.

is joing the discord server worth it?

Jerking it off? It depends on if it's in the mood or not

>>44834226
Does anybody have some advice for dealing with anxiety and depression?

Its gotten really bad lately, I can't sleep properly anymore.

My mind won't let me sleep.
I constantly hate on myself for not being better off and I keep punishing myself mentally without actually doing anything to be better or healthier.

I also have a bad habit of chasing dopamine as much a spossible
And I cant take it anymore.

I'm tired of living like a lunatic, I want to live a good life but I can't do that being crazy and broke.

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I dont wanna die as this flat blob that i am now, i have been trying my best to be a good person and to improve myself socially but i just cant stand how i look phisically, for some reason is hard as fuck for me to actually get on a diet and i have been starting to take hormones a week ago and it feels so bad, i feel like i am doing a disfavor to both cis and trans women just by calling myself trans, i dont know where all this hopelessness comes from i just wish i could change it by knowing how the fuck do i commit into looking better and being helathier, i dont wanna doomer for ever, i dont wanna hate myself forever, i wanna have trans friends and cis friends and hang out with them and be a normal person, but it just seems so hard for some reason

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Got so desperate for any kind of validation that I went back on Grindr in the first time in forever. I'm thinking at least some of my persistent distress is just the feeling of being really lonely all the time, even beyond the dysphoria. It's just the dysphoria makes it hard to seek out any kind of connection with people or hell even just a hookup because my body repulses me that much. Even when people are nice to me, it always feels like I'm waiting for the penny to drop or to become the butt of a joke

Haven't really improved this week, and I'll be stuck on shift for 5 days (12 hours each but I've done 2 14-hour shifts inside the last 2 weeks) and I really don't think I'm mentally able to handle it.
>>44863104
>Hope it went well!
Currently waiting on referencing then hopefully moving in late October.
>That's a real relief to hear at least.
I mean it's something, unfortunately GHC (who I'll be swapping to) unironically want to try and use monotherapy with pills on me so I'll be back to DIY with the vague feigning of an actual prescription to compensate, really I should figure out how to fraud my e levels for bloodwork before then but alas.
>Or do they defer hiring completely to inept HR Karens?
Funnily enough, no, but HR are the reason he hasn't been fired yet. We had another guy (not an engineer) who was on bail for assault (while he was off his head on LSD) have his locker searched by police this week, and they found a load of drugs, so that was good.
>Is it indoorsy or outdoors?
Depends on field, mostly just playing in some dump wasteland atm.

And I'm having to rearrange my first aid course because they cancelled it earlier in the week so that's great ;-;.
Honestly, it sucks that I can point to stuff I've achieved, but I'm still pretty miserable.

Good night

I'm making chicken vindaloo right now. Hopefully I'll either play some piano later or get a good nights rest. I haven't really cooked much in close to a year, so this is a really big step. I hope everyone had a good day/night

I don't wanna be alone no more

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>>44835269
>>it feels me with utter disgust
>Yes, that is the shame aspect of it all, but I mean that is more the part I tried to exclude, I am trying to figure out what drives the impulse because I strongly suspect it's coping with stress. Ultimately what you want to do after all is try to attack the problem at the root, you need something to cope with the stress that is actually good for you, that will reduce cravings, while the other core issue (availability) is likely tied to your bodily needs.
I dont know, if there's not much work stress I barely spend anything but if there's a triggering event, I would just go blow my budget until end of work, I hate this yet usually when this happens I am also trying to suppress crying at the same time.
I almost cried today because the phrase "gilded cage" keeps flashing into my mind and threw my mood off for the entire day. I hate this. no one will congratulate me for sleeping late and waking up before dawn to advance my agenda albeit at a glacial pace
>>I have the option to cook, but I probably rather starve myself with water if I find myself too lazy to cook
>>if I am at work, a snack is just 1-3 minutes away.
>There is a good chance that with actual food at work you might find it a lot easier to resist. If we somehow tackle fullness on the one hand as well as emotional well being on the other then chances are you can shake that habit off a lot more easily. Have you made progress catching yourself in the act, by the way?
I am trying but it is not yielding any good results.
Took 3 hours just to post this because I have to cycle IPs to get a good one because email verification keeps saying Invalid/Expired link

seriously how do i start waking up early in the morning? I cant keep falling asleep at like 1-2am and the promptly sleep for 12 hours
how do i make myself wake up SUPER early?

>>44834226
2nd day of training at the grocery store went okay, I had to manage a few panic attacks however so I need to be more careful.

3rd day of training is tomorrow, hopefully I can adapt faster and work on myself during my off hours.

I'm not doing very well mentally but I will do what I can.

Update

Told my friend. They are not upset but did not know how to process this information. We haven't talked much since then.

My mental state is deteriorating faster then ever before. The anguish is unbearable. Feel like i'm going to die.

Never ment for this to happen, just wanted to be a friend.

Im sorry
I love you very much Kaz

>>44860119
Best Option would be to seek medical help. Explain your conditon to them and share your concern of it getting worse. Easier said then done, especially if you lack insurance. That said, its best to receive help before it gets worse.
>>44861085
Really resonate with this perspective. Thank you Panty-anon.
>>44865263
Nor would I want that to occur.
>>44866845
Empathize with you. As said in my previous post, mine has been going downhill. Recently haven't even been able to sleep well myself.

Would recommend to attempt viewing your situation at a different angle. Mentally and physically.
>Mentally
Recall interest/experiences that brought joy.
What's something that you looking forward to?
Think of those who love you, they would want to see you happier.
>Physically
Instead of caving into unhealthy habits, try something new, something you've been putting off that you've been meaning to try (i.e. artistically creative activities)
If that is currently too difficult for you, simply taking the time to be out of the house might help. A walk in the park, Explore a different area of your town/city.

The small things can make a difference.

For sleep? only thing I can really recommend is melatonin, that and spending time away from electronics before bed (if your able to resist that urge)
>>44863224
Your posts make me happy. May I ask how long have you been posting on /sig/?

>>44866568
Was actually the anon that made this question. Sent a request but then withdrew. Not sure if joining would realistically be the best option right now, since I truly feel unwell. But I'd like to, one day.

Just listened to Aeroplane over the sea for the first time. Not bad.
https://youtu.be/hy0B4uBZaOs?si=1xxNbRRpmGAHGTJR

i hate knowing how replaceable i am. i have nothing to offer. i'm a blank slate of a human marked with incidents from the past. i'm nothing but an amalgamation of everyone i've met. i have nothing worth staying for.

>>44835330
i have a couple friends i stay in touch with and so far it feels like i would probably be staying in touch with them for a while.
i would love to cling onto the few relations i have but i feel bad and seem clingy if i reach out to them over and over. ty for the advice i appreciate it siganon <3

as always ly all /sig/mas <3 sending virtual hugs ⊂((・▽・))⊃

>>44870055
>>44866845
Two things that helped me massively is sleeping with plushies (also good if you're dealing with loneliness) and a noise box.

pg7

I hope you all are okay.

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I listed a few more things on eBay yesterday, and sold one already. So far I’ve already earned $40 toward that $250 goal.

I ironed my cloth napkins and washed some dishes earlier today. I also called my psychiatrist’s office and I think I finally got a refill on my stimulants after being out for a couple of extra days.

My mom offered to buy me some new clothes next month. She said, “You’ve earned it.”
I keep putting off buying new clothes because I’m still losing weight, but I need to do it. I also might try altering some of the clothes that have gotten too big.

>>44870523
I have a body pillow in a fuzzy pillow case.

One piece of advice I’ve learned from sleeping without a prescription sleep aid this month: Worrying about how you need to fall asleep does not help you sleep. Just in case anybody else needed a reminder.

Also, if something you want to remember or check is on your mind, just getting up and doing it down can help you relax, but clearing your mind is also a skill you can practice.

Also, check the temperature in your room. Cooler temperatures make you sleepy because the body conserves warmth when we sleep. I sleep with a fan for this reason. I also have a mattress cover that’s supposed to cool it by circulating air better.

>>44870055
> Really resonate with this perspective. Thank you Panty-anon.
Thanks, always glad to help.

Unsure of what to do at this moment.
Long-story-short I’ve fluked about four weeks of a fifteen week semester at community college, mostly due to being too self conscious to attend two of my classes (both of them art classes).
Dropped out of one class (calculus) under the reccommendation of my professor, since I was struggling with the basic algebra that we were going over at the start. Tried to enroll in a simpler algebra or pre-calc class but couldn’t due to admin stuff (could still have enrolled in an audited class but it’s too late). I’ve been doing practically nothing this whole semester because of it, calculus was one of my requirements for transfer and the rest were out of an interest in pursuing art as a major. I dunno what to do with myself at this point. I thought to take things into my own hands and just drop the remaining classes outright to focus on self-educating myself toward the major I’m on, and have been making more progess in. But I also feel as though that’s more an excuse to run away from having to meet any sort of external expectations set before me and recede into myself more (it wouldn’t be the first time).
I have a job and thought to take on more hours in the interim, but I still have a good amount of money from when I was only working and not in school. I also hate my job at this point, but that’s another beast entirely.

pg6 paw :3

>>44873592
Good on you for persisting anyway, despite all the difficulties.

>>44834226
I came here some time not long ago asking about this, but now I really want to know if there is any good place to anonymously talk about the whole "nonbinary" thing. I would love to learn more and talk with actual enbies with their experience. It could be here on 4chan, it could be on some other place, I just want a good place to talk about this that doesn't leave much of a digital footprint.

Goodnight /sig/

how much should i pay for laser hair reduction for my face and neck?

>>44874776
ehy not just make a thread?

55 lbs down

>>44875221
cool

Good night

i cleaned and organized my room this week. it took 3 days. i hadn't cleaned it in years, it was close to being one of those classic 4chan rooms. there are still mice but at least there's no food for them to find in my room anymore and it's not a biohazard. still feel like shit but at least i did something for once, for once i'm actually proud of myself for something.

/sig/, i need help with sleep. i managed to keep a sleep schedule for a week or so, but i couldn't sleep (because of the mice lmao) one night, and i _still_ can't fucking get a schedule down again 2 weeks later. i try to fall asleep at midnight and i end up just tossing in my bed for hours, until i decide to stay up for a bit longer watching youtube, so i end up sleeping at 4-5 in the morning. i've been taking 50mg of benadryl and 200mg of oral prog but i still can't fucking sleep, i don't get it. even if i force myself to get up at 10am, i somehow still stay up for like 18 hours. i'm a neet living with my parents so there's nothing that i need to be up for which doesn't help. i feel like shit if i wake up in the afternoon and i really wish i could get up at like 8am everyday. do i just pull an all-nighter and hope for the best? what do i do?

Goodmorning /sig/

>>44876144
do you stay at home all day? i'm kinda like that on the weekends, but usually i move a lot during my workdays. i think you have to tire yourself out before you can get a deep sleep

as for waking up earlier, i've had some success by taking it slow and setting my alarm like 15 minutes earlier each day. sometimes i wake up before my alarm because the sun is up and i can't go back to sleep

>>44876859
>do you stay at home all day?
pretty much

tried pulling an all-nighter but now it's 9am and im exhausted lmao. not sure what i expected.

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I'm going to burst a fucking blood vessel, thanks to my grandmother rushing something I am going to have to deal with paperwork that could have waited til early next year and lose money in the process.
This year can't end soon enough.

>>44877996
Family ruining your life…
Tale as old as time
Best of luck either way

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Im sorry I didnt put more effort into our friendship and prolly was the reason it witles down and now we barely talk. I hope you live happily and dw about me

pg8 paw :3

Guess I'm gonna get into voice training now. At least I feel a desire to.
Set up Cubase for real-time spectrogram usage (don't have the pro version. Too expensive right now). Did some research to be able to filter out background noise and ended up with a plugin that is pretty much a script host for advanced audio shit or something. But I gotta compile it myself and while I was at it, I made a new headless Debian VM I'll be using for compiling stuff.
And now it's past 12 again because that's what my brain wanted to hyperfocus on.
You win some, you lose some... At least I didn't waste a bunch of time on games; yay I guess.
Still, great to get more experienced in using Cubase in general (planning to get more into recording and making music) and a having quick refresher on setting up a lightweight Linux.

Nighty night~

>>44868591
3rd day of training is over.
The job is a lot more physically draining than expected.

The schedule for next week should be another three or four days of work.
I will stay with this job until the 22nd of December.
By then, I need to decide what my next move is.

Still no success with finding any other work online.

Everytime I try to sit down and work on a project, I get panicky like back in college.
I have a lot of issues to work through alone, I am thankful for my family supporting me back home at least.

Life is so unbelievably stressful.

>>44868591
>>44882363
i work in a grocery store too. i stock the shelves and walk around a lot. i gained like 10 lbs after a year, mostly muscle though
sometimes i get compliments on my work and thanks from helping others, feels good desu

pg6 paw :3

Good night

>>44834226
can someone give this dumb tranny a work out to stop having a belly :(

>>44884997
Jog every morning when you wake up
Do squats hip thrusts and then push ups pull ups and then belly crunches
Look up videos to do them properly
Don’t forget to curl weights so your arms arent floppy
No need to focus on upper body since trans, just do light yoga in the end to keep mentality
Have fun most of all
If nothing else works, walk every day for long stretches of time.
t.belly havent

I should start talking to a shrink again.

Tried out eyeliner and mascara and when looking in the mirror again after a while, I thought to myself I might look decent with a bit of makeup somewhere down the line.
But damn are my hands jittery.
Didn't even get on hrt for trying to pass or dysphoria - man on hrt - but I think I'd enjoy it if I could pass at some point and I'd even consider presenting female outside.
And holy shit I didn't think being on e would have such an effect, which is doing wonders for my depression (other meds I currently take aside) and self-image/self-worth.
Maybe I can finally find peace after over two decades of suffering.

also >p8

pg7 paw :3

>>44885130
i need specific instructions and routine im retarded sorry

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>>44888020
not the anon you were replying to but I found this really helpful, thanks!

>>44889286
Wrong post, I think.

>p8 again :3

>>44890713
Yeah, I meant to reply to >>44885130
sorry for the misunderstanding!

>>44885130
a useful resource for how to do exercises properly: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeJFgNahi--FKs0oJyeRDEw

>>44863098
>I'm keeping an eye on your posts as I am catching up, please tell me if I forget to respond to something
It's all good, I am trying to keep up with things as well.
I will let you know if I see anything you missed.

>I fully understand how that feels. I am often thankful for my poor memory
I get it, I am trying to deal with my baggage.
It's hard to move forward without constant anxiety in my stomach.

>Oh that would be great news! I hope nothing bad happened since that post, as I'm still catching up
Nothing immediately bad happened so far.

I did double check with my mother if the option to go home is still there, just in case.
The loneliness is tough.

>>44778337
What kind of projects are beginner friendly?

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I'm working through my German book again, pic rel. It's nice being able to sit down and read for once.

>>44891232
No worries, just didn't want to let that reply end up in nirvana unnoticed.

>>44891389
nta but if you're relatively new to it just pick smth which sounds fun and yk you would stick with it. but if you're looking for primarily resume worthy projects, look up projects by other people in the same target field on github. start building off from there perchance.

>>44892107
>target field
How do I know what target field to aim for?

I don't really know what to aim for anymore, my mind is flooded with all things I can study and all the things I need to do in order to make money.

I'm a little confused about where to go in my 'career'.
Sorry if I'm annoying you, I haven't been in the best headspace lately.

Good night

>>44877996
Remember to breathe. Remember that all sets contain the empty set. Shadow boxing helps with releasing anger safely. Hope things get better for you soon and thank u for your service nonny!!

>>44877996
I am very sorry to hear that, Siganon.
I hope all works out in the end.

>>44888020
And to add to that, I noticed it kind of gives me a goal for my body to work towards. Or at least get back into shape a bit. Not fat and still kind of twinkish, but I definitely can notice the years of stagnation.
>Saturday, still sleep deprived from work but wake up after five hours of sleep
>get up, do some light workout for 40 minutes while watching motorsport

I'm worried that I ruined my life.
And by extension, my family's life.

I'm really not sure how long it will take for me to get my life together, or really how to do it.

>>44835278
thank you meaningless exhaustion and dread over nothing for helping me lie in bed all day and accomplish nothing
t. new to the thread

>>44895501
welcome

>>44895405
how does that ruin your family's life anon?

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I'm as gay as they come, and I honestly got sick of drug users in the LGBT world and the hypocrisy surrounding and stemming from them. Maybe they started using because they were in a shit spot or victims of abuse, sure, but they always turn into abusers themselves because they can't take 'no' for an answer, assume everyone treats themselves as poorly as they do, and if you're not a drug user or alcoholic, they latch onto you like parasites, try to drag you down with them, or hate you for being something they can't be.

I've been harassed only ever by drug-using gay men, and they all turned tail to paint themselves as widdle victims who did nothing wrong, and that it's totally not their fault. It absolutely is your fault. It's your behaviour. You did it. All of this was your choice. To this day, I feel no remorse for having broken the noses of two junkies for not leaving me alone when I told 'em I'm not interested.

>>44896554
Just goes to show how destructive the gay lifestyle really is. No offense.

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>>44896788
>muh concern troll
Most of these spastics turn into walking scraps of waste via drugs and alcohol because of issues pushed onto them. They just rarely make an effort to get out of it because they get coddled and told they're good widdle boyos who are just widdle victims. That's only true up to a certain point, because 9.9 out of 10 of them will turn into abusive pieces of shit and STD slinging bioweapons in human form as a result of it. It's just kinda swept under the rug.

TL;DR It's rarely their fault for starting on that path, most straights dealing with the same shit do it as well, but it's their fault for not making an effort to get out of it and dragging others down with them, and if they engage in abusive behaviour, they're abusers, like anyone else. Period.

Also, I have BDSM furniture in my house and never once had an STD. Retry for 10 coins, Y / N?

>>44892554
as much as it pains me ai/ml is the money making field till the bubble pops. if you're more motivated by your interests, every cs field has it's own core concepts like cybersec has networking and os, ai/ml has statistics. pick what interests you, it's easier to stick to fields when you're into them. but you do have to keep in mind how lucrative they are as career options. unfortunately we're all in a bad state of the market but we don't really have any other choice o(--(
and dw bunanon never apologize for asking questions!!

paw :3

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Strap in people this is gonna be a wall.
>>44836271
No worries, I am alright!
>>44837357
That sucks, I hate it when websites basically force you to use some chromium flavor.
>>44838464
Hope you've had a pleasant week!
>>44838551
>let's see what goon thread siganons up to
Now I am REALLY curious what prompted this.
I'd say we're hitting very low levels of horny here these days!
...Though I will concede that I myself am an absolute creature, I doubt that's a surprise.
>>44847130
>im scared of going outside by myself but i ate at a breakfast place near my grocery store today!!
That's actually great news, Anon! Going out of your comfort zone like this and challenging yourself is one of the best ways to fight these types of phobias. Eating out has gotten a bit expensive in the past few years in a lotta places, hasn't it? But you're doing amazing, it's def worth it for the experience.
>but im gonna go do it rn!!! im all hyped up raaaaaaaaaaa
Glad to hear you are using this thread to help you with accountability! Proud of you being so proactive.

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>>44844838
What are your circumstances like, Anon? I assume there's a reason you don't get yourself some yet.
>>44848503
>i can't tell what i need.
The best thing I can offer in such cases is try to probe you with questions. If you find yourself basically just rotting all day for example though, it might help to tell us whether there was something in particular that led to such a spiral.
>i'm feeling guilty for doing anything that isn't staring at a wall.
Hm, just to make sure I got this right, are you saying you feel guilty doing anything?
How do you feel, generally speaking, what's your day to day like?
>>44849431
You are taking care of yourself, that matters! You did great. How have you been this week besides? Well, maybe you already said so, I am still catching up.
>>44855639
Welcome! One word of warning, a lot of this board can be quite dangerous to your mental. If you're questioning, me being cis myself can't give you any valuable insights on that front but plenty of others here can. You can just try to articulate your thoughts and feelings, look at what resonates with you from the things other people say, and ask any questions you might have of course. If you would like to feel joy then maybe a good starting point would be to tell us how you feel? Also, don't fret about a /sig/ thread dying or people taking a while to reply, it's a slow board and I for example often cross post to catch up with old threads.
>>44858467
You did great, sucking is always the very first step towards getting good at something as technical as that.

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>>44858990
Shit, I sadly don't know the details on this front, you might wanna ask /hrtgen/ but there's no guarantee any Canadians will be around. Still wishing you all the best on that front, are your parents generally unsupportive?
>>44860119
All chronic conditions of this sort are the same in the sense that they are incredibly disempowering, incredibly isolating experiences. We have had a couple people here with a variety of chronic ailments that prevented them from doing things they once could. Anons with various kinds of disabilities come and go in this general, and besides seeking out medical help (and remembering that a lot of med professionals can be incredibly unhelpful/stubborn so it is a good call to not shy away from second/third opinions) the one BIG, absolutely crucial thing I need to tell you is that you need to seek out people. Nobody wants these things to define them, nobody wants to be a burden. But you gotta lean on people emotionally, and you might wanna seek out other people with chronic issues/disabilities as part of your support network. As for the things you can do from within yourself, tell me about the kinds of things you enjoy, perhaps. In the case you can't work anymore you will want to have things to do that you HAVE control over to stay sane.
>>44860161
A Gordian knot, I understand. Tell me what you wish to fix about yourself!
>>44865263
Tell me about the person you want to become! Tell me about where you see yourself.
>>44866568
>is joing the discord server worth it?
Hmm.. in general I do know there are good people there but I don't have the time to be active over there. Whenever I have the time to invest I make these posts instead. I would say it is also a huge question of type. I get overwhelmed easily by group chats. For people like me the best strat would be to give it a shot, pick out some people and talk to those in DMs.

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>>44866845
Well, so you are tormenting yourself for things not getting better, which actually weakens you emotionally and physically making it even harder to get better. There's layers to stuff like this, on the one hand you need to acknowledge consciously that one cannot hate themselves better, but at the same time realize that these turbulent emotions are just a misguided/maladjusted expression of you *wanting* to be better. One of the things that will help you out is having things you can have actual control over to focus on, one of the things to be most mindful of is to not overwhelm or overexert yourself at that stage. What is it specifically you would like to change?
Also, consider weighted blankets.
>>44866897
If you want we can help you out with a diet plan that actually works for you, though the one big recommendation I would give you right out the gate is to make sure to keep a small deficit and prioritize sustainable changes over quick results. I also gotta ask some boilerplate stuff, your current height/weight and your target would be a good start. Also how you feel about calorie counting/spreadsheet autism.
>>44867156
>2 14-hour shifts
What the actual fuck?
>HR are the reason he hasn't been fired yet
I dread to ask what reason they could have to protect someone so self evidently incapable but I am afraid it is ... optics related.
>We had another guy have his locker searched by police
Did he get fired or is he another, say, HR preferred case?
>Depends on field, mostly just playing in some dump wasteland atm.
Ah I see! I was curious because as we are rapidly approach October I can imagine the weather becoming a factor.
>they cancelled it earlier in the week so that's great ;-;
Awh, that sucks.. and I mean, you are doing great even though you are struggling, I think.
As you said, loneliness is kicking your ass. And it sounds to me like you might have had some awful social experiences in the past that make you worry about people suddenly turning on you.

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>>44867505
Thanks, my night was quite pleasant! I hope you've been faring well since in turn. I had curry the other day which was a real nice change of pace.
>>44868305
>I hate this yet usually when this happens I am also trying to suppress crying at the same time.
I mean, crying would be perfectly justified (and healthy) a thing to deal with overwhelming emotions, but I understand that's not an option if you have no privacy at work. Perhaps a stupid question, but do you have a support network, people you lean on? I don't recall whether I asked that before.
And I think you are doing great trying to do things that are good for you, if nobody else does, I most certainly would praise you.
>I am trying but it is not yielding any good results.
It is damn hard, it is important to give yourself grace on that front. For now the milestone to work towards is being able to think clearly while doing it what it is you are doing, and what feelings compel you to. That you were able to express your emotions in this post is already great, by the way!
>Took 3 hours just to post this because I have to cycle IPs
Yes, it is horrendousyly fucked atm, you might wanna try another browser just to sanity check but it's an utter shit show. It feels like half the country here is some sort of shadow banned because mail verification hasn't worked for me in months either. I have my own workaround now.
>>44868436
>how do i make myself wake up SUPER early?
There are several levers on the biochemical side. First off, do you sleep in a dark room? Do you want to wake up before or after sunrise? After would suggest that your bedroom should ideally flood with sunlight. It would make you less prone to sleep past alarms.
>>44841068
>44849755
>>44868591
Monitoring your updates, bun. I worry about the panic attack part. Wanna talk about what led to that?
>I'm not doing very well mentally but I will do what I can.
What's up?

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>>44869639
>Told my friend.
Just to make sure, which Anon are you, so I can know for sure what it is you told them.
>Never ment for this to happen, just wanted to be a friend.
What happened, Anon?
>>44870055
>Your posts make me happy. May I ask how long have you been posting on /sig/?
16th of December, 2022. I'm usually the OP (aka siganon), and have maintained this general to the best of my ability since inception! I intend to keep this general going for a few more years at least, although I am sadly much slower than I once was.
>Just listened to Aeroplane over the sea for the first time. Not bad.
ItAOtS is one of the two /mu/ "meme albums" I have in my collection, alongside Knife Man. My favorite song of the latter is actually also the shortest. I could probably fill the character limit of a single post trying to articulate why. But I consider it one of the shortest tragedies ever written.
>>44872091
Doing my best to be.

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That is it for tonight.
>>44870313
>i'm nothing but an amalgamation of everyone i've met.
In many ways, I am too. There is one thing I would like you to take to heart, if you can help it. It's on the subject of being replaceable in particular. No matter who anyone else will meet, no matter how similar that person may be to you, in whatever ways they may be (from your pov) better or worse than you, there is one thing nobody can ever replace, and that is shared history. All of us become irreplaceable to those we intertwine with for long enough, because the past is read-only. Even if you move on, or they do, any shared moment they had with you they will not, cannot have with anyone else ever again. Not the way they were at the time. We all get to spend every moment of our lives exactly once, Anon. So when people spend them with you, that lends credit to you being special enough to them.
>it feels like i would probably be staying in touch with them for a while.
Glad to hear.
>i have but i feel bad and seem clingy if i reach out to them over and over.
People taking the initiative prevent those of us who often want to reach out but lack the spoons to do so as often as we'd like to from dying alone, your effort better be appreciated!
>ty for the advice i appreciate it siganon <3
Happy to!

how hard should a set be when resistance training? i'm trying to get started at the gym but i'm not really sure what weights i should be at. is the sweet spot pushing myself to the limit and barely being able to finish the last rep, or should it be a comfortable exertion i never fail at?

>>44897964
>How have you been this week besides?
Been up and down a bit, but over all I've been fairly okay and managed to be productive. Better mood, but over all still sleep deprived. Doing irl stuff that leaves me drained but are absolutely necessary and I hope it won't fuck me over too much in the near-ish future.
Finished reading "Quiet!" which, I think, contributed to my better mood and more self acceptance.

how unethical is lying on a job application and claiming i'm queer when i'm straight? i just want a job and the market is fucked..

>>44897959
ty ^-^ my week has been pretty nice. busy with uni stuff and job applications but i got enough time to decompress and relax.
how are things for you siganon?

>>44898631
any marginal chance of benefitting from being a diversity hire is immensely dwarfed by the very real chance of being discriminated against

>>44897964
>I assume there's a reason you don't get yourself some yet
umm i dont like spending money and i cant drive to the clothes store and live with my parents am not out

Made a promise to myself that I'd wear bras and panties under my boy clothes every day this week, even at work. And I actually followed through yay!

>>44899223
fun fun
I noticed that wearing panties makes me automatically keep my legs closed/more closed .

>>44899246
Me too! Plus I've been sitting down to pee and wiping afterwards, don't want to drip pee on my expensive lingerie lol

>>44899246
Makes me feel really shy and submissive when I'm in a men's public toilet, the real men are standing at the urinal and I'm sat with my panties pulled down

>>44899264
Been sitting down to pee whenever possible for a long time, because I always drip a fair bit afterwards if I don't squeeze and wipe. Should be more hygienic (also less smelly) too.

>>44899307
Hoping for my junk to shrink a bit so it doesn't spill out so easily and panties fit better.

>>44899338
Yeah mines just little and limp, don't even get erections anymore so panties fit me quite well, I used to be a nerdy incel attracted to women... Now I'm dreaming of a strong man cuddling me

>>44863098
>Is he the type who is shit at teaching yet will be personally offended when you decline/look for help elsewhere?
I believe so yes, not that I ever refused his offers.
I can't really afford to ask for help anywhere else.

>Why must he do this to himself *and* you?
He wants me to be more comfortable with driving for my and his benefit.
I guess he likes making simple things difficult for himself and everyone else.

>EXTREMELY valid
I wanna be done with him by 2028, I have no clue how I can do that though...everything seems too much to bare now.

>>44863098
>That sounds great actually, do keep me posted on that front!
I will, I promise.
I am being more open with family and trusted people now, so there's that.

>Things are tough out there, and you're in a difficult position
Unbelievably true.
>You are fighting tooth and nail, and it seems like you're finally catching a bit of a break!
So far, it's only 12 Hours a week.
It's something at least, gives me some structure.

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>be me, 23, on e 2 years
>grandmother died
>parents getting a divorce, still living together
>mom's basically leaned on me as a nurse/therapist/best friend
>dad's nice to me, but a conniving perrt little fucking shit behind thd scenes. Hearing him fuck his retarded girlfriend all the time's real fucking neat-o too
>my fiance tried to kill herself
>best friend's hanging on by a thread too
all in the span of a few months wahey!
it's just been so damn stressful chooms. burned out as fuck and neurotically terrified of rejection. I need to get some money and get out the fuck out of here.

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>>44899577
down to page 4 no replies yaaaaay it's so great to be late to the party!!! ^w^ ~>^<~

>>44899850
dw nona, things are always pretty slow around here
welcome to /sig/!! sending virtual hugs ⊂((・▽・))⊃

>>44899850
yeah this thread is always 10-20x slower than most other threads

>>44897057
I see, that's a bit concerning.
I will just have to adapt then.

Is Cybersecurity at the very least, a financially lucartive path?
Something I can count on to make money, that won't be too hard to get into?

Good night

it's been a rough end of summer. mom's suicide anniversary at the start of September and then her birthday right after. I think if I didn't have parenting shit going on 24/7 I would probably be in a depressive episode by now. Instead, it's mostly been horrible anxiety + pouring effort into getting us ready for a camping trip. it will be the first one I go on with my kid that's not like a tiny one-night local thing with an activity group. She might end up not giving a shit, but I hope it will be good for her somehow.

>>44800783
Sorry for the late reply, but thank you for the words of encouragement I hope I pass the driving test. My brother moved put like 2 years ago already but I think I tripped over a Magic box and the cards just spilled out and I never thought of just picking them up and putting them back in the box and they just have be n on the ground. The thing is I only really have masturbated with porn never without and even though it’s only been a couple of times. I usually masturbated like every other day, but back then it was almost every day and I kept hating myself to still watch porn.

I don’t think that the porn is the devil, but it had a strong grip on me I would miss out on things and sleep late because I would masturbate. It was just a cycle of me self deprecating repeat and repeat and repeat. It’s just doesn’t do anything for me at all and now it’s getting easier to just say you know what no and close all the tabs. I have to set up a harder blocker so I don’t go back so I can have like 2-3 hours of my everyday life. I have decided to redownload Tindr and post two pictures of myself I have to put myself out there not for love, but for opportunity.

I was scared of meeting people out of high school and it’s like it’s been years since then I don’t have to scared anymore of being found. I was scared of just being seen on Tindr that’s it. Honestly, I have been looking forward to Saturdays I go to the library and talk to the two librarians and talk for like 2 hours about books, movies and what happened on our week. My mom has been taking me driving and I felt way more better since I know much more about driving.

The ideal man has bern holding me back in the way that I felt like I couldn’t live life without a man that I straight up useless without being in a relationship. It was honestly sad that I treated myself that I just couldn’t better myself and that I couldn’t change my life.

>>44900846
I do feel like I would be about making mistakes in the relationship, my past, that they would cheat on me or found someone else while I was in the relationship. Sometimes I would think that maybe I wasn’t gay and that I was straight and that I have been just lying myself this entire time. I have been thinking that maybe I am bisexual since I have felt attracted to women before, but I do think that at the end of the day I want to be with a man. I just need to live a little and go to bars and hell if I hookup with a guy okay. I just don’t want to be at home alone and seeing the next door neighbor looking at me I can do what I want and not be scared of him. I was thinking that I should hook up with him but honestly even if he broke up with his wife fuck him he most likely cheated on her and I don’t fuck with that.

I have been seeing cute and handsome guys this entire day and I’ll be honest the cashier at one of the stores is kinda handsome and he’s not too shabby. Also, my interaction with him was kinda weird he most likely doing his job and going to say next but he would look at me, but the thing is the way he gave my money I would put my hand out and he would put his hand like in a closed hand on mine and it felt like he made sure to not touch the money, but to have his fingers touch my palm and it felt like 3 second before he would remove his fingers. He was really handsome and imma be honest I have been thinking about asking him out even though I met him two times in the same day. I was really checking him out and he looks like he’s in 20s, nice eyes, has a bracelet and nice hair. However, I need to calm myself down because I might be thinking to much into it and he does that, but it’s so weird because it looked like he did want to make small talk with me.

>>44900936
Sorry for that little rant about some guy I just met I just need it off my chest. I recently just put cheat instead of chest and for a moment I was like if I were to go out with him he would cheat on me I put to much thought on these things. Another cute guy was like this jock looking guy who makes tacos and it felt like he was blushing a bit on seeing me, but I shouldn’t put my eggs in one basket I am not dating them and probably might not date either one of them. I did make a promise to you that I will get better in my life and everytime I do something wrong I think about not letting you down. I still haven’t quit porn, but I want to improve my life so I don’t let you or my friends down. We didn’t make a promise but I do want to improve my life.

pg7

>>44863098
>Oh shit, when is it/was it?
Less than two weeks ago, it was a very small celebration.
It's wasn't the same without my family but I will count my blessings.

>I hope your first week at work is pleasant so far
It was okay, a little overwhelming at first but I am working out a good routine for myself, so I can avoid burnout and anxiety as much as possible.

I really need to get my shit together.

Showered again, made food again, put on nail polish on toes and fingers yayy
Should do laundry though... socks at that. The worst kind of laundry.

sig anon i hate being cock sexual what do i do btw p8

>>44900349
fortunately anything cyber security, sysadmin, server/infra related is not going anywhere anytime soon. the more you scale up ai the more of the people who work on the underlying infra. + people are finally trying to be a little mindful of security and privacy.
oo and if you're into stats, quant is a good field to get into. quant firms payscale is on the higher side of swe jobs.
tbf most fields make money but ai earnings tend to be disproportionately high these days.

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leaving this here for peer review

pg7 paw :3

pg7 paw :3

>>44834226
Why do I constantly feel sick and worried, even with sleep?

My tummy feels crazy.

I really want to stop smoking weed. I can tell it’s made me retarded. I just ran out today and know I won’t make it to Friday without going back to the dispensary

>>44835273
>>44835278
i saw these siganon and will reply soon, i appreciate it. im struggling rn to keep my mind on practical thoughts like that
i dont particularly expect advice but i wish i were better at dealing with emotional pain in a better way. i guess a way that doesn't set me back as much or make me dislike myself as much?
i'd guess some of the big areas for improvement there are a. acceptance that you're coping as well as you can, even if you wish you were less affected. and b. being exposed to a variety of people and perspectives that help you keep things in perspective and be open to different strategies
i think im doing better on the acceptance front, but i don't really have the latter and i feel very emotionally immature a lot of the time. i feel like more worldly or resourceful people would find what i struggle with kind of silly. my pain feels so real and sometimes so gigantic to me and i know i can't expect anyone else to care or know what it's like for me, but i still want them to.
i sometimes wonder if venting is actually healthy or not, i don't do it a lot. i'm struggling to get to the point right now where my mind is clear and i can actually work on stuff.

Good night
I've been eating cereal with iron

>>44908377
good?

>>44905010
Oh, thank goodness for that then.

How would you recommend I train and market myself in order to get Cybersecurity roles?

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Goodnight, everyone.

Fourth day of work tomorrow.

pg7 paw :3

G'raha Tia is such a good boi. Would marry in an instant.
How do I stop getting crushes on virtual characters?

pg7 paw :3

>>44911975
thanks

redpill me on IPL
shaving is too much work and I get ingrown hairs

>>44912663
IPLs kinda suck I'm afraid. Epilating is better but the first few times you do it the pain is way worse than laser/electrolysis imo.
>>44897972
>What the actual fuck?
Did 13 hours today after 4 days on shift and I'm on shift again tomorrow.
>I dread to ask what reason they could have to protect someone so self evidently incapable but I am afraid it is ... optics related.
>We had another guy have his locker searched by police
Well they haven't sacked the guy with drugs in his locker and it turns out he's also currently under a police investigation because of a rape accusation so I think the optics are already gone to shit.
>I can imagine the weather becoming a factor.
tbf I might find an indoors place as the weather sets in but most of the UK scene is outdoors because of various factors.
>And it sounds to me like you might have had some awful social experiences in the past that make you worry about people suddenly turning on you.
ahahahahahha.... yea...I've gone into part of it on the discord before but it's mostly standard bullied kid stuff. I don't know if I'd qualify as RSD, and I don't like to self-diagnose, but I do struggle with rejection/failure, although not criticism weirdly. It's not something I like because I also end up with really overly sensitive feelings (ones I don't even want) that I then have to suppress when people make certain jokes, which is relatively common in my workplace.
I should probably see a therapist about all of it because it used to affect me less since pre-HRT etc it wasn't really "me" that would be the focal point of rejection/failure/etc but rather a performance/character (if that makes sense).
Still need to remember to rearrange this first aid course.

>>44909121
get a good understanding of concepts like networking, operating systems and cryptography. people go for certifications to make getting a job easier. but you'd have to do some research about certs because certification value depends on where you are what companies you targeting and all. a good starting point is usually CTFs and hack the box labs. they aren't perfect but a decent starting point.

>>44914246
Thank you so much for the information, I will look into it this weekend.

If I have any more questions, I will be sure to ask them later.

>>44834226
I have a bad habit of chewing on raw noodles and rice when I have nothing to eat or when I'm nervous. The problem is that I wear braces, so they keep breaking, and my family has to pay for the repairs; I feel really guilty about it. Do you know what I can do?

>>44834226
3rd day of work was decent.

I have two more days of work this week, split up into 3 hours each due to training under someone else.

I should be getting paid tonight or tomorrow, so at least I'll have some money to put away.

I miss my family back home a LOT.

Good night

>>44915162
ofc ofc got you. and good luck!!

feel free to @ any of my posts if you got questions. i'm the "sending virtual hugs ⊂((・▽・))⊃" anon :3

Is it weird I started praying again?

My Mother asked me nicely to get a permanent job for now, she got a little emotional due to the state of things back home and in our family life.

I feel awful for not being able to provide enough support.
I need to find a way to make money outside of work, I can't keep hoping the next employer will solve our problems.
It's not fair that my mother and sibling should suffer like this.

>>44917105
>ofc ofc got you. and good luck!!
Thank you, I will do my best.

>feel free to @ any of my posts if you got questions. i'm the "sending virtual hugs ⊂((・▽・))⊃" anon :3
And thank you especially for the virtual hugs, they are also very much appreciated.

>>44905665
thanks

We had a good laugh eh anon?
Well moving on

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>>44917733
Not necessarily. Prayer and religious faith can be a healthy part of anyone’s life, even if you’re LGBT (Which in all probability you are if you’re posting here).

The important thing is to figure out why you’re praying, and make sure it isn’t an unhealthy coping mechanism that’s feeding into repression, guilt, self-loathing, or a sense of martyrdom.

If it’s just a part of your routine that helps you to reflect on your experiences and find a way to keep living intentionally, what’s the harm?

>>44917733
I don't think so. I pray too. I don't think I could put up with life if I didn't ATP

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I've set myself about one hour to work on /sig/ tonight. I think I can do more again for this general if I apply my own advice and set more concrete goals for myself. Smaller time frames that aren't as open ended will probably reduce friction, causing me to post more often. Gonna take a break between the next post and writing the one after.
>>44872535
>So far I’ve already earned $40 toward that $250 goal.
Oh, nice! Glad to hear you also got your meds sorted now, it's always a pain in the ass when something crucial like that runs out.
>“You’ve earned it.”
Awh, that's sweet actually. I am glad you have a good relationship with your parents, Panty. I don't think I ever commented much on that but I mean we both know it's not as common a thing as it ought to be.
>>44874776
It is a hella tricky question. Since we don't have an enbygen on 4chan or anything like it there are very few places that come to mind for me. Tumblr, funnily enough, would be one where you can send people you wanna talk to messages anonymously, and it has a good chunk of enbies, but it is incredibly insular a website so unless you already know someone it's practically impossible to find people. The search function is unfettered ass. Asking your specific questions here into the void is a good option, but this general is slow and it would not be a good idea to have it be your only resource. Another matter would be making something like a discord burner account and trying to DM people in queer adjacent servers but I have exactly zero experience with that. Ironically one of the most anonymous options would be LGBT adjacent hangouts IRL in a nearby larger town or city.
>>44875081
>how much should i pay for laser hair reduction for my face and neck?
Hm, it might help to know your country, so the people from the same country can chime in!
>>44875221
Awesome, Anon! How do you feel? I am sure you are already noticing the difference.

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>>44873592
>being too self conscious to attend two of my classes (both of them art classes).
Sorry to hear about that, Anon. Are you the type that often burdens themselves with comparisons to others, or maybe a fear of being judged?
>struggling with the basic algebra
A common issue I used to see a lot (I did a fair bit of teaching STEM undergrads). It's a shame you couldn't apply for a course that would have helped you due to admin bs but I have a recommendation for you, I don't know how too late it is for you to hear this but.. in my experience (maybe this is different from country to country though), nobody would stop you or ask questions if you just attended the lectures and borrowed/copied exercise sheets. Sure you can't have all that work accredited but you would learn everything you need at no cost other than time. Depending on the prof you can also get your hands on a nicely TeXed script version of their lectures you can use as a resource. If you can find out when and where that course is you can probably get to all the resources you will need.
Hell, if you have any particular questions I might even be able to help you directly as it's one of the subjects I used to teach actually.
>But I also feel as though that’s more an excuse to run away from having to meet any sort of external expectations set before me and recede into myself more (it wouldn’t be the first time).
Hm, I get where you are coming from, having a peer group to learn with would at least keep you accountable, I suppose?

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>>44922489
>I am glad you have a good relationship with your parents, Panty.
>We both know it's not as common a thing as it ought to be.
I know what you mean, it’s something I don’t take for granted. I’ve lost touch with some family since I came out, but that was never the only reason so much as a convenient excuse to bail.

Sleeping without prescription is still tricky, but I figure replacing a medication with good habits is worth it in the long run even if it takes some time.

I got another $30 in profit from eBay towards that $250. I want to check how much I paid in postage on that other order but the current tally should be about $70 of $250.

Also, I was thinking recently that ghost writing might be a good career for me. Apparently it pays well, I already have a little freelance writing experience which is the first step, and you don’t have to do publicity, just write. I think I would enjoy fleshing out somebody else’s outline/notes, which is what I understand to be the process. This is a big picture thing, but I like the idea of putting something like that on the horizon.

I just made some Spam and egg fried rice in my new wok. This had me thinking I wasn’t just using the wrong pan, I was cooking too much food at once, period. I’ll adjust my portions the next time I do this, maybe make more than one batch. I can at least say the fried rice tastes better in the wok.

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3 posts. Not as many as I wanted but I can post more tomorrow. It's almost 1am, it is time to go.
>>44876144
Holy shit you marathoned through it, awesome, Anon! You absolutely SHOULD be proud of yourself for that.
>/sig/, i need help with sleep. i managed to keep a sleep schedule for a week or so
One thing that can help in your case is physical exhaustion. How viable would it be for you to do any kind of exercise in the evening? Tossing and turning fucking sucks, I know this too well, I noticed that my sleep hygiene got a lot worse when I didn't leave the house much. Lighting can also play a role but I would test that if other things fall through. Another question might be at what times a day you usually eat.
>>44878776
>>44893647
>>44893792
Thank you all for your kind words by the way. I calmed myself down a fair deal within a day but it was such needless stress.
>>44879590
You should ping the person you wish to hear this, Anon. Trust me on that.

>>44834226
Goodluck out there, people.

pg7 paw :3

Good night

>>44923457
TW/CW: horny garbage
Ok irrelevant to any actual sigging and let me tell you I have venting to do but holy fuck l hate (love) depictions of women with breasts thst large
Scratch that this picture fucked my brainwaves I hate women
t.femcel bi troony(affectionate and derogatory)
Anyway love ya sigger you are doing good job gr fr no cap

I'm feel bad.

Last day of work for the week tomorrow.
More or less 3 hours.
Still waiting for cash from last week, might have to ask my employer about that.
I really hope my banking details didn't get messed up or something, I can't afford to lose out on money at this point.

I wish you all the best, I will have more to say and ask during this week.

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>>44928176
Almost forgot.

pg8 paw :3

pg8 paw :3

p8!

pg7

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>>44923263
So it turns out the prescription sleep aid I’ve been taking every once in a while can cause withdrawal if you suddenly stop taking it, and one of the withdrawal symptoms is insomnia. This explains some things. Shame on me for not checking that sooner. I’m seeing my psychiatrist next Thursday so I will discuss that with her.

Unrelated win: I’m ready to order a smaller size of panties! Should be doing that later this week.

which exercise and muscles are most important for being able to pin someone's wrist down to a bed such that they can't get up no matter how hard they struggle

I hate myself.

>>44934271
Same

>>44934295
What a pair are we.

>>44934271
who doesn't

Good night

Apologies for missing any previous replies.
I will have more time tomorrow for followups.

>>44934115
upper body i think and enough weight to weigh them down a bit too!?

>>44934115
being heavier than them would help, as would upper body strength generally. I'd say back or shoulders if you're putting a gun to my head.

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>>44935813

fucked around for an hour or so on the keyboard. feels good man. does it sound good? no....

>>44895820
>how does that ruin your family's life anon?
I was the first born child, and the one who was allowed to get a degree.

I should have put my laziness and comfort aside, so that I could have made money and developed a career to help my family.

I am holding everyone at home back, by being a broke failure.

Now at 26 years old I have to start from scratch again, I have to find a way to make money and have a career with enough freedom.
I failed and now I have to suffer for it.
I deserve it too, which is the worst part.

Why didn't I just work harder?

2 of the things I wanted to work on but didn't because life forced me to take a big break and I lost the habits are now classes. I now have mandarin and gym classes. No voicetraining classes, unfortunately.

>>44936986
>the one who was allowed to get a degree
is this a money thing or? did you get a degree?

>>44937225
Primarily a money thing.

I did get the Bachelor's degree.

>>44936986
self flagellating ass

pg6 paw :3

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Finally October.
>>44881679
>Guess I'm gonna get into voice training now. At least I feel a desire to.
And you take a very tech heavy approach, nifty! Wishing you all the best on the voice training front.
>>44886119
>I should start talking to a shrink again.
Sounds like a plan, Anon. Is there one you will return to or will it involve having to look for one first?
>>44888020
>>44894909
Glad to hear you are doing better now that you're on HRT, Anon. Sounds like you are working on a self care routine even, that's amazing news. I'm also always happy to see people share their wins and experiences here. One thing I just wanna warn you off as an aside is not to hop off E once you feel better! You probably don't intend to but just like with antidepressants some people wind up in cycles of taking until they feel better and then trying to stop taking them, so this is more of a PSA.
>>44898083
>is the sweet spot pushing myself to the limit and barely being able to finish the last rep
That strongly depends on the type of exercise and I don't have a comprehensive answer for this. At my gym the staff was actually very helpful and would give you recommendations for when to train close to failure and when to only strive for consistency on a case to case basis. When in doubt remember that pushing yourself close to failure will add more fatigue, and that esp early on it is way more important to be consistent and form strong habits before fine tuning. Maybe a bit of a non-answer but I hope it helps.

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Autumn is my favorite season, you know?
>>44889137
Nta but is it just exercise routines like the youtube channel one anon posted you are looking for or also nutritional advice perhaps?
>>44882363
>44891366
>>44891389
>44895405
Heya bun!
>The job is a lot more physically draining than expected.
Do you have to deal with customer service too or is it primarily hauling stuff?
>Everytime I try to sit down and work on a project, I get panicky like back in college.
Oh? Can you articulate what causes you to panic?
By the way, on the subject of programming projects, to me it depends on where you are planning to take things. If you plan on studying CS anyway I would recommend different things than if you just wish to supplement your skill sets.
>I'm worried that I ruined my life.
Spirally feelings from all the stress I suppose?
>>44891415
Oh, it's rare to see people take interest in German, what's got you curious?
>>44895501
Welcome, Anon! Never hesitate to ask questions or share what is going on inside of you. Sharing wins is great since it's hopefuel. Sharing setbacks and roadblocks can help us resolve them. There is no wrong time to update us.
>>44896554
>but they always turn into abusers themselves
Not wishing to butt heads with you, but I feel like you are generalizing there more as an expression of frustration than you believing that this is truly the universal outcome.
Peer pressure and crab mentality are really big problems though, and this thread is no stranger to the subject of drugs, though mostly people trying to escape addiction.

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Not as many posts as it coulda been but I am content I already posted more often this week. Goodnight.
>>44898107
>Been up and down a bit, but over all I've been fairly okay and managed to be productive.
Glad to hear, sounds like an overall upward trend, sleep deprivation aside. I actually fucked my own sleep sched recently and am slowly fixing it. Sometimes I don't listen to my body which is always the most annoying thing to fuck one up, in my opinion.
>Doing irl stuff that leaves me drained but are absolutely necessary
I know how that feels, be proud of yourself for pushing through!
>Finished reading "Quiet!"
Oh, never heard of it, wanna tell me about the book?
>>44898631
I would not trust a single employer with my sexuality, the other Anon did kinda nail it I'm afraid.
>>44898808
Sounds like things are going well for you, nice to hear. As for me, I am more or less in the process of finishing up my last few academic papers before pulling the plug on my academic career.
>>44899121
>umm i dont like spending money
>live with my parents am not out
Hm, in that case my most burning question would be whether you think it would be a good idea to be out to them (most of the time I ask this it's hopeless so don't worry if the answer is no), and how realistic it is for you/whether you have plans to move out in the near future? In such cases my first instinct is usually to try and support you in directions that emancipate you to help you express yourself more freely medium term.

pg7 paw :3

>>44940801
>415
I wanted to do something else. I tried during hs, but depression, lack of discipline, and the only other kid being a nazi made me lose interest.

ly guys <3
pg7

pg8 paw :3

Good night

I should really stop spiraling and just learn to make friends.

Or get a hobby, or a side gig.

That stuff keeps you busy I think.

p8

pg8

godspeed gayz

fucking kill yourselves it doesnt get better. its all a fucking lie they tell you. they pretend to care to your face. no one wants me i dont want ot be wanted or needed or anyhthing i want to kill myself it wont get bettere there is no small victories theres nothing it s all fake fucking bullshit to pretend its call ok while you die drowning fuclk yuou

>>44946005
you ok anon?

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>>44946005
I understand how you feel. I’ve felt that way more times than I can count. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Feel welcome to post about your specific circumstances and we will be happy to offer more personal advice. But for now I wanted to comment on the big picture stuff you’re talking about.

You’re right that a lot of bad things are happening out in the world. A lot of people are getting a raw deal because their suffering is good for business. There are plenty of good reasons to be upset. I’m not doing the stuff I post about here because I’m believe everything is fine, or that it will all work out if I just clap my hands and believe.

I’m taking care of myself now because I didn’t expect to live this long, and that might keep up for a while. If it does, I’ll be better off if I start eating my veggies and brushing my teeth and all. And if something bad happens to me eventually, I like the idea that I’ll have spent all the time I could living the way I want to instead of living in fear.

Don’t let these assholes win. Don’t let the cruelty and injustice of this world keep up because you didn’t try to do something about it. The first step to making a difference is believing that it’s worth a try.

>>44946218
no wai jtin wihdgftgsfdsugh ni want to ficiking igiojdhjophdgsjopgsjgd9ojg
9gdsf
jp9ot o wa tf ucking kil lmyself and eveyroen egfnjihbgsdfjnpbgshdfnjbhsgdjo
ahfdgj0
agerthjo0-[
o hnji wn a ffkving i want to die

>>44947065
they already won i give ther efy fuck up fuckji you ,kill yuourseljigtj9gafjbhosgpd9fjgstpdgj9ps
grsj90 tyhjereers nothing to lkive for ikill me jihtaj9- gtaj-9]g rtaejg9-]r e4gru0 -4u040- 40-i40=i-4F2W=0\I4G2W\=I042wfi0=

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>>44947081
>>44947074
would you like to tell me what makes you want to die? It's okay, you don't have to rush a reply. I assume your hands are shakey. Does anything hurt? We are here to listen.

>>44947609
Im gouging t fucking fkilkl, nmyself im goign goty kill my frinedfn smnmy fami,y im goping to fuckign kill. eveyrone i awn tti rhetes nothign loo lovei for nothin oto look kofrowar fo it slal fake im a fake kijugluy monste rim a fucking monster a nihgtinarema i hjate you jia teh eyveruoe i want to fucking die i hate ihji tei hate being al ive i dont want ti have nothing t live for i need to il ll my self i need someone ot kill me sim to smuch of ahtpehtic fagogot it to kill myself ijj9
pgarej9 ateghn[o'aertgj0aertg

>>44947636
what makes you feel like a monster?
Are there any people in your life that are accepting of you?

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I don't think I ever mentioned it but I did get my hands on those helltaker plushies after all. The Modeus plush is in my apartment for a bit now.
>>44899223
You did amazing, Anon!
>>44899499
>>44899524
>I can't really afford to ask for help anywhere else.
I assume that means that getting a driver's license in straya does not have the teaching priced in, in my neck of the woods there are mandatory hours with licenses teachers but anglo countries always play by different rule sets with these things
>I guess he likes making simple things difficult for himself and everyone else.
It really seems like it.
>I will, I promise.
Excellent!
>It's something at least, gives me some structure.
Yes, it's a start at least.
>>44899577
>all in the span of a few months wahey!
That must have been incredibly taxing. Emotionally, physically, mentally. It definitely sounds like it would do you well to move out. I hope you had some time to recover a little, tell me, what is your "game plan" going forward?
>>44899850
I tend to take a week recently to respond, if you are still around I wanna thank you for your patience.

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>>44900705
>mom's suicide anniversary at the start of September and then her birthday right after.
How long has it been since she passed, if it's okay to ask? My mom's birthday is rapidly approaching as well, in her case it was cancer though. It's the second birthday since her passing, but last year I was too busy with other things to really process any of it.
>She might end up not giving a shit, but I hope it will be good for her somehow.
I hope so too, it is really really sweet of you to plan something special for her (and yourself).
>>44900846
>>44900936
>>44900948
Lemme start off by thanking *you* for your patience, and that I appreciate your replies whenever you got the time to make them.
>thank you for the words of encouragement I hope I pass the driving test.
You're welcome, and def keep us posted alright? And thanks for clearing up he just moved out, for a sec I was worried.
>I would miss out on things and sleep late because I would masturbate.
That is definitely the point at which alarm bells start ringing, I fully understand. I just need to warn you about the self hate aspects. You see, shame cycles are very insidious because getting angry with yourself will tire you out, and make it easier to give up on improving/resisting urges. Very related to the cycle of self depreciation you speak of.
>it’s getting easier to just say you know what no
I'm glad to hear, Anon!
>I have been looking forward to Saturdays I go to the library and talk to the two librarians
Oh, that's a lovely way to spend a Saturday actually
>I felt like I couldn’t live life without a man
Oh I see, like you needed to be "completed" by someone else to allow yourself a sense of worth. Yes, that is a very dangerous line of reasoning. It sounds like you are leaving your comfort zone more and more, and not trying to let such thoughts define you anymore. That's some beautiful growth in my book. Take pride in it.
(1/2)

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That's it for tonight but I try to make this a bit of a /sig/tober for all you sweet souls.
>44900846
>>44900936
>>44900948
(2/2)
The cashier thing sounds super cute honestly, by the by. Frankly, asking him out for a coffee or something is a win win in my book. Either he says yes and you're gonna have a good time or he says no and, even though it will sting, you will bounce back from it as you realize that nothing bad actually happened. In the latter case you should still reward yourself a great deal though. Both are valuable in their own right, overcoming fears of rejection is a hard, hard thing.
By the way, you are ENCOURAGED to ramble. If I fail to reply to something you can always prod me, too. Sometimes I get a little distracted while writing and miss a point I was meaning to pick up on.
>I want to improve my life so I don’t let you or my friends down. We didn’t make a promise but I do want to improve my life.
You can do it, please know I believe in you! And if you need advice, you know at least one place to turn to in the foreseeable future.
>>44902137
Well, happy belated b-day, bun!
>I really need to get my shit together.
Remember to rest this weekend! Do not burn yourself out, okay? Do some things that are good for your soul.
>>44902927
Well done Anon!
>socks at that. The worst kind of laundry.
You got me curious, what makes them the worst?
>>44904260
>sig anon i hate being cock sexual
That's a very interesting question actually, could you expand upon why you hate it? Depending on the answer I would probably suggest vastly different things.

pg7 paw :3

>>44940798
>not to hop off E
Not planning to. Love it too much at this point :3

>>44940808
>I don't listen to my body
My body has kind of a natural cycle of shifting the time to become tired later and later, so this happens too often. Meds and some other stuff work quite well unless I forget or "forget" to take the meds.
>book
It's about introversion.

>>44948836
>what makes them the worst?
I have a ton of socks, so I always use up all of them and then wash all of them at once. Might be like 20-30 pairs. So many to hang up to dry.
But I dislike laundry in general, because I have to clean some of the remains of other peoples' detergent every time thanks to some allergies and sensitivities. Just the cleaning takes like 5-10 minutes. Boring and tedious, not stimulating.
Really wish I could live alone just so I can have an untainted washing machine, but I'll have to live in this shared flat for at least half a year more and money is an issue too.

>>44947065
all just fucking platitudes everyone says this meaningless shit it doesn't help

>>44950787
You know what, you’re right. I used to call suicide hotlines a lot in the past, they told me some of the same things. I’ve took my advice then the way you’re taking it now.

So let me try again.

First of all, if nothing feels right intellectually, try doing something physical. Take a shower or clean your room or take care of a chore. If you want to feel better and every argument sounds like bullshit, then just stop trying to look for the right words, just show your body or environment a little TLC. It can help.

Something else: If I were afraid that I couldn’t take one more experience of disappointment or betrayal and somebody else was trying to make me hope again, I wouldn’t want to either. When you’re hurting and cheering up isn’t your idea, other people trying to help you feel better can feel like coersion.

So think about what you’re giving yourself by holding onto your despair. It’s over, no point in continuing. May not feel good, but it feels honest, right? If all the things we’re afraid of are still possible, why continue to face such an awful world?

But what’s possible is that you can get to a place where failure and disappointment don’t feel so inevitable, or impossible to stop dreading, or intolerable when they do happen.

Again, hope that helps somebody. Sorry if it doesn’t.

Good night

>>44951631
nightnight

p8

>>44951419
nta but, yeah, you're right. I've started going on night walks and the reason I keep doing it isn't cause it's any better out there than in here but because out there there's the space to run and hurl punches and scream until I'm exhausted

My life is pretty good for the most part. There's just always this feeling of impending doom. That's the best way I can describe it, but it doesn't really describe what I mean. It's a very lonely feeling and it feels "unnatural," like some very basic law has been violated. Like something is wrong with reality. IDK. It wouldn't be a problem if I could just put my finger on it and name it, but that's literally the best way I can put it.

>>44954307
Oh my fucking god, it just clicked. It's ALIENATION!! I feel so fucking alienated from the people around me and even the country I live in, from my surroundings, from the culture, etc

Oh my god that's been KILLING me forever, oh my god

don't fucking die one me

pg7 meow

>>44897975
>Perhaps a stupid question, but do you have a support network, people you lean on? I don't recall whether I asked that before.
No, I have no IRL friends and I am going to make some because I end up demanding too much from them and they will shoo me away because I am a drain on their sanity.
I've lost too many friends this way and even if I don't burden them with my problems, external circumstances would almost always arrive causing me not able to talk to them anymore

I actually tried making salad dressings and it always really end up quite expensive. I really like creamy dressings and made some low-calorie dressings out of recipes and while I do like their taste, making a big vat of them every day and that they costs quite a lot (they always call for herbs and seasoning that's a bit of a specialty so it kinda costs quite a lot). So I decided to quit eating salads. They seem cheap in paper but turns out quite expensive

Gotten some taster of some zero-calorie water flavorings and right away i can tell i will burn through those because I would apply twice the recommended amount to get the taste stimulus i want because they taste so fucking weak.

pg8 paw :3

pg8 again

>>44954544
I hope it gets better.

Good night

>>44834226
Halloween should be fun.

mom keeps detiriorating
its so imperceptibly small day by day but over long stretches of time, months , years, i can tell
I had to shout and argue with her that the meat in her fridge(the refrigerator not the freezer) has gone bad after freezing it and refreezing it like 2 times already and she argued since it isnt smelly it is fine...and maybe she was right cause she is a house cook but ffs i cant risk getting salmonela or worse. An di feel so bad for shouting at her. Righteous justified anger is my vice. And directed at myself often but at other too..
Idk
venting.

>>44961571
Is she the type to refuse glasses/hearing aids?