Someone explain this cycle for me that I have undergone the last 5 years>no writing and little reading for months>become a brute, gym fanatic, Christian, no fap>get girlfriend>get softer, write more, read more slowly start to ignore her for the sake of writing and reading>lose faith and all sense of morality, watch pron again and only worried about the next time we have sex>get published(so i have some sort of talent)>break up>lose motivationAnd then>become gymbro once again>no fap, Christ>feel like my writing will reach no one, failure to my family, >everything is vapid>why didn't I major in CS??I might be sex motivated, that's what my last girlfriend said but I just don't know how to manage that. If I don't have a girlfriend and I'm writing I'm depressed and could careless for appearances or anything in the world almost to the point of suicide. If I give no attention to my desire to write and read I become very appealing to the world but become psychopathic and empty.That sweet spot when I have a girlfriend and have access to sex I literally don't give a fuck about the gym, my appearance, christ sometimes, and all I want to do is write and read.After this last breakup I'm slipping again into depression and gymbro mindset. When I'm just in my room reading I feel like all my ex's and friends are winning and the world is passing me by even if I some small talent and small publications, being on your own doing this nets me very suicidal energy.
>>24726443nofap is goodChrist is very goodgym is good, but you can maintain a perfectly awesome physique with 2 lifts per weekidk how to get you out of your cycle to be honestbut I would suggest starting a regiment of 50 cups of coffee per day
>>24726443Why don't you have sex while reading and writing
>>24726443Are you bipolar, perhaps
slightly different issue but similar in essence; I've had the worst writer's block for like the past three years. I used to write every day for hours and it was completely natural and felt like it was really good. I played a lot of sport and got an operation to correct a facial fracture which ended up giving me chronic nerve pain in my face. Since then: complete block. I write bits here and there but it's shit. I'm wondering whether I'll ever be able to write properly again. Haven't written a proper story in three years and sometimes I just cry about it. I think it's annoying but completely understandable how intrinsically linked your creative ability is to where you're at and what you are doing. I guess it would make sense to posit the remedy as if you want to write how you want you gotta live in a way that enables that. That entails getting out of depression and gymbro mindset and going and doing stuff that is in line with what creatively you want to achieve. It's important. Posted Blake because he's badass and my inspiration.Good luck with your problems op.
>>24726443You strive for complacency and have poor abilities of self reflection.
you're retarded and talentless
>>24726487>but I would suggest starting a regiment of 50 cups of coffee per dayi drink a lot of coffee and also a lot of nicotine but I go in out of total sobriety>>24726574>have sex while reading and writingI got as close to as possible with that in my last relationship and the thing is when you have so much sex with the same girl you just end up hating eachother and getting bored of it and then you sit around her thinking how you could genuinely be productive. This could only work if there's a massive power imbalance you get exactly what you want your disciplined.>>24726625I've had weird phases in my life where I turn to a total different person every few years but I always end up going back to writing that is why I think it's my calling but at times I exist as a person that dissociates himself from that person for some reason. >>24726697For me whenever I was sick or hospital bound I found it extremely to find motivation to write as I'm still. T.S. Eliot often wrote when he had a cold. A constant pain in your face sounds very distracting though, if you can get opiates(Kratom) maybe you ease that a little bit. Or read writers who seemingly lived in a constant state of agonizing pain like Cioran and Plath.>>24726722>You strive for complacency and have poor abilities of self reflection.Yes this has been a common theme my whole life, and also why I sabotage a lot of relationships but I don't know how to fix it. It might be worth saying I grew up without a father so I feel I no construct of order. Discipline is not easy to come by nor is self-reflection.
>>24726844Lack of a father doesn't matter, this conditions the status quo, vast majority of people do the same thing. IJ is a 1200 page examination of this condition, he was writing about (You). Not saying that reading it will help you, it might, just using it to show how common this is. It will not fix you, you still have to do the work and over come the bad habits which includes the entire cycle and those good and healthy things you do which for you are not healthy, your motivations are a reaction and do not come from actual desire for them, distraction.
>>24726844>I got as close to as possible with that in my last relationship and the thing is when you have so much sex with the same girl you just end up hating eachother and getting bored of it and then you sit around her thinking how you could genuinely be productiveDid your last gf contribute to your writing at all or was she just a good layYou should get a muse
>>24726876honestly you convince me>my motivations are really just my distractions stillstill what exactly is the solution to something like this because I do want to find a satiating balance. Overcoming lust is the obvious answer but it's almost impossible and if I still play the game of seeing women I will ultimately get distracted and lose sight of my goals.>>24727093>or was she just a good layBoth, she was just a good lay generally but at times the hate we had for each other plus the validity she would give me would produce very powerful prose out of me. I also convinced her to do semen retention with me. We still had sex but no ejaculation, only on certain numerological/astrological days. I convinced her that it improved our relationship dynamic drastically and it honestly did.I want a muse but I'm very overprotective and jealous so I would need her guaranteed loyalty to have any peace, which is probably doable but idk
