I feel so paralyzed, I know a version of me exists out thereSomeone who’s happier, freer, more successful, more confident, better looking. But I’m stuck here.Is it possible to reach him? I want to become a new person. To transform from a caterpillar to a butterflyEvery day is as mundane as the last. I’m still living in my own mind, a captive. With the same thoughts running over and over againEvery daydream is the sameThe same room, the same thoughts, the same unreachable desires.My body is decaying and my mental health is in rapid decline.The noise of isolation and loneliness is deafeningI know something more exists out there. Beyond the "border" they treat people as human beings. Maybe I could find kindness and safety when it vacated my native land.Maybe I could find opportunity when it was nowhere to be found in my birthplace.Maybe there, beyond the "border" I'll find a sophisticated life, I'll find ease, I'll have the chance to live my youth and act my age.Maybe I could attend a respectful college or school where I could learn and grow.Where I could meet people ever so diverse in thought and color.Wouldn't this be so much better?To leave your small bubble behind and to embrace the huge world?The bubble that's filled with so much misery, judgment and close minds.The one that kills you and the ones you love, the same one that strips you out of your innocence. It leaves you like a bird with no wings. It keeps you chained by the neck like a dog. Deprives you of proper food. That bubble that feels like an abusive relationship. To despise it is natural, but you can't leave.I want to run away. As fast as I can, as far as I can, for as long as I can.I want to get away from all the stress and noise of conflict, to get away from the brutal buildings and flooded roads, from the ugly towns and the suffocating atmosphere. I wanna leave it all behind and start all over somewhere else. Perhaps, beyond the border. And if I had to come back, I'd only return embroiled in silk. As the old Chinese saying goes.I'd show the receipts to all those people who doubted me, to all the ones who said I'll never do shit in my life, to the ones that said to me, "Your dignity will always be under people's feet" and to those who sneered, "You're not a quarter of the man he is" to the ones that made fun of me just out of the sickness in their hearts, to the ones that saw me as "less" and to those treacherous relatives.But how? I don't know. This is all just wishful thinking. It's a fantasy.Like the hundreds of romantic fantasies that my mind plays.Accepting that I’ll never live up to the image of the man I wish to become, is profoundly tragic. Knowing that there will never be anything "more" than what I already have is heartbreaking.It really is.I want to chase that person, that’s what keeps me awake during restless nights. If I failed then I’ll be nothing more the a shell of a man. A lost soul.
Gay. Being sad isn't cool or interesting, even if you use words like ennui to describe it in conversation
>>24735226>To leave your small bubble behind and to embrace the huge world?dropped it right therenobody gives a shit about your turmoil, create something that isnt wallowing in it and you will find the clouds in your mind parting
>>24735781You just don't understand
>>24735740It's not cool yeah but it is interesting. I don't choose to be sad anyways
I was chronically depresses for 15 years and then I just read Sartre and Camus and chose to be content instead
>>24735836its basic thinking, nothing to not get about thatyou can find the same sentiment on tacky wall decorations
I know you're just writing this to relieve yourself, but a rhetorical tip: flowery language and existential questions are a lot less affecting than something which shows rather than tells."For sale: baby shoes, never worn" is a lot more devastating than "I just don't know if I can carry on. Oh, cruel life! Why do you take away that which we love?"It's not important, but that was just my reaction to this.
>>24736401Thank you for your input. I'm just writing down what I think
>>24736404Why do you guys use that as an lnsult? I thought users here might have a bit of class
>>24736875Because "gay" is more succinct than "banal, vain, effette, and overwrought" and nobody has a reaction image of Tony Soprano saying the latter. You think you've made your sadness special by dressing it up, or you think it's special in the first place and deserves the dressing. In your writing, there's nothing unique about that sadness, not in its causes or it's consequences, nor in what you have to say about it. There's no insight. It's not compelling. It's presumptuous self-importance, and your writing is not nearly good enough to carry it.You should start by reading any of the many books that deal with these kinds of struggles. These are the books that came to mind that I've read:>A Man Asleep - Georges Perec>Suicide - Edouard Leve>Person - Sam Pink>A Posthumous Confession - Marcellus Emants>Kokoro - Natsume Soseki>Hunger - Knut HamsunRead things you like and rip them off as practice. Develop your ideas before you write. You can write for relief, but realise that you're doing that for yourself; you have to earn the interest of a reader.t. been there before (pic related) and moved on
>>24737617I know I'm not special. Not in any way shape or form. I know that I don't deserve more than the person next to me. I'm aware that lots of people had it worse than me. I wrote this just to get some stuff out of my chest and maybe if someone read it, they'll relate a little or will give me some advice on writing. Thanks for your input
>>24735226If it were the 90s, we'd all be saying you're a damn good writer. But it's not the 90s, so I'm gonna call your work gay. It's mopey, angsty, and honest-honest, when what works in this zeitgeist is optimistic, abrasive, and curated-honest. You're like that one guy still bummed out about the horrors of WW1 while you live in 1950s America, where the big fun stupid plastic party never ends.That said, I appreciate your work here. It flowed really well, imagery was nice, and you seem to have a talent for mapping out and illustrating the inside of your head for the reader to go through.Good on you. You should try to write more, and different. Bring that talent over to whatever you interest yourself with.Or don't, this board isn't for writing or writers in general. As with all other interest boards, our main topic here is to bitch about content creators and streamers "beefing" over drama and politics, in a way that's thinly veiled by the idea of literature.
>>24735226My earliest journals (dating from my twenties) were also full of self-pitying introspection. So you're not alone, anon.Mine were better written, though.
>>24738188What do you read that you think that's good writing in any era? It reads like a teenager trying to ape the handful of classics he's read (or monologues from television and movies, more likely), and I'm pretty sure he's ESL too.He's good for varying his sentence lengths and setting up some patterns in the text, but it's rife with stilted diction and hammy clichés. He doesn't even seem to understand paragraphs.
>>24738253Well, I'm sure if he worked on his prose a little, he'd be well along on his journey to placate you specifically.
>>24738321You complain about off-topic posters but the other half of the problem is bad taste (you're here). Sorry to tell you, anon.
>>24735226Just shut the fuck up and kill yourself. This sounds super gay.
>>24738326We could get rid of all the bad taste in the world if we just got rid of all the books, anon. It's neither of our place to decide what's good, only to decide what we like right now. And maybe to try to make the other person feel bad for liking something we don't like, or vice versa.There's at least someone in this world who'd call your favorite book "slop". It's probably not me, but they're out there somewhere.
>>24738332>wah wah it's all subjective!Bullshit point but I'd like to know what you actually read. I wasn't kidding when I asked what your reference is for calling OP's writing good.
>>24738343I'm enjoying Teatro Grottesco right now. You?
>>24738348>horrorfagPoint proven. I will no longer respond.
>>24738359I understand your frustration. While you take a break, you should try broadening your horizons. Maybe do some writing of your own and post it here. And when you do, I'll be there to praise it for its strengths, and someone else in the thread will complain about me liking elements of your work. Good luck, Anon!
>>24738188Thanks for the reply
>>24738253Thanks you for your input
>>24738382Thank you**
