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File: 1140-divorce.jpg (387 KB, 1140x655)
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What are the best books to read while going through a divorce?
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Saul Bellow, Herzog
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The only thing you’ll be reading are the invoices for your legal fees. Please be advised, you better pay up.
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>>24738620
Anna Karenina
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>>24738632
Not a bother. Child support on the other hand...
Next time you post share recs faggot
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>>24738646
are you saying you don't have custody of your own child
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>>24738653
Not necessarily, I haven't filled the papers nor have I decided whether I want to stay in my child's life or not. Things were on track to be pretty good but wife and I had too much trauma so we drowned our love and replaced it with seething and relentless resentment. She got PPD after the baby and turned into a complete monster to deal with. Things fell apart less than 6 months after the child's birth.

It's a major disappointment.
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>>24738662
If you can't ignore trolls things are not going to go well for you in the divorce. Should have just pointed out that he assumed it was your divorce and that it could be the divorce of your parents, grandparents, a close friend, etc.
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>>24738662
>nor have I decided whether I want to stay in my child's life or not.
Fucking disgusting deadbeat scum.
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>>24738662
are you saying you're divorcing your depressed wife less than a year after she birthed your baby
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>>24738662
>>24738665 is a bit harsh but I think you owe it to your kid to be there, especially if your woman is a psycho.
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>>24738665
you're not a deadbeat if you're paying child support and if OP has a job he definitely will be
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>>24738665
cry about it
>>24738664
I couldn't care less to be honest. The marriage didnt even last a full year. I knocked her up and married her to support her and take care of the baby. She thought marriage should have been different but couldn't articulate her values. Treated me like dogshit until she left. Not much more to it. Sometimes shit happens, no?
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>>24738678
You will feel different about things in a decade. Ignore the trolls.
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>>24738678
If you don't care about it then why are you asking for a divorce reading list?
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>>24738665
Unfortunately staying in your child's life is often completely untenable if your ex wife hates you. Even if you attempt to be involved she'll just poison the child against you and use coparenting as an excuse to continuously abuse you.
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>>24738673
This is what worries me most of all. I had a pretty good idea of how to sculpt my child's time with me to provide the best odds out in the real world but she moved back in with her family two states away and stuffed me with the rent after making the decision to move more south. Its insanity. Now I have a lease I have to finish out or pay my way out of.
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>>24738683
I'm sure wiser humans than me have some articulated ideas I can mull over. Surely something may resonate, no? I may be emotionally unintelligent but I'm not an idiot.
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>>24738687
>how to sculpt my child's time
That is the surest way to fail as a parent.
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>>24738662
>Not necessarily, I haven't filled the papers nor have I decided whether I want to stay in my child's life or not
So you aren’t looking for books for “going through a divorce,” you’re still mulling it over. Come back to us when you grow a pair
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>>24738693
Obviously not all of their time. I guess sculpt my own habits with respect to spending time with them. I just planned on exposing them to alot of different things in terms of music, knowledge, sports, other hobbies etc.

>>24738679
I'm sure you're right but I'm at a loss on how to think more clearly about the situation I find myself in and where I'm heading from here.

>>24738630

It doesn't help that only one anon recommended me some authors. Herzog sounds pretty fun. Thanks anon
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>>24738695
No, the divorce is happening for sure. The custody arrangement I'll pursue is under consideration.
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>>24738687
Really sorry to hear that, man. I wish I had more advice to give but the closest I ever came to having a gf was a girl back in college who visited my dorm to work on a project and kissed me before she left. I'll say a prayer for you, for what that's worth.
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>>24738678
Lmao fucking retard, should've used a condom
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>>24738684
Yea this is why I'm wondering what I'll do. Take the gamble that her hate towards me (a more rare but clinically prevalent feature of PPD known as perinatal rage) will subside with time or if she's taught herself to hate me.

Obviously, the win if I take the gamble would be my child growing up with the love of both their parents. Otherwise what you said will happen. It's a hard terrain to navigate well.
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>>24738710
If you had used protection you wouldn't be in this situation. You have no one to blame but yourself. No sympathy from me.
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>>24738707
No argument here. Worth noting though that she wasn't a complete cunt when we were dating or when she was pregnant so this is all a pretty shocking revelation.
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>>24738715
Yea right - if I invested in Tesla 8 years ago I'd be richer. There's no changing the past, best to approach and deal with things as they are.
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>>24738706
Thanks anon, I appreciate the sentiment and good will


Do any of you faggots have recs at all or are you resigned to replaying your childhood traumas in my thread?
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>>24738620

>marriage
>children
Two entirely avoidable problems and you felll for them both. You absolute fucking retard LOL.
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>>24738699
Let you kid guide what you expose them to, identify where their interests lie and find the overlap with your interests and take an interest in their interests even when their is no overlap. People, even the very young, will take an interest in your interests if you take an interest in theirs.

Picrel should be good for you, assuming you are not an easily triggered /pol/ sort.
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>>24738723

Read "The Time Machine" by H.G. Wells and contemplate the fictional possibility of going back in time and not making the incredibly foolish life choices of getting married to this particular woman or having children. Time travel is a popular topic in fiction.
>>
Any young lads reading this thread, let this be a lesson to you. Do not fuck a woman without a condom unless she is your wife and you are actively trying for a baby. Doesn't matter if she says she's on the pill or the shot, just don't do it. Women lie about birth control to baby trap men all the time. Yeah, hitting it raw feels better, but it's not worth the risk of knocking up some cunt who will make your child hate you and will drain your income with child support payments for the next two decades. It's life-ruining shit, for you and for the poor kid who grows up in a broken home with a shitty mother.
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>>24738723
I posted Anna Karenina before you went into detail about your predicament. It's not about divorce per se but it has a lot to say about marriage and family. It's also just a beautifully written book.
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>>24738723
Read Stoner. It's a great depiction of what it's like to be married to a woman who hates you.
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>>24738620
Cioran
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White Noise by Don Delilo

It will give you a glimpse of how bad it could get. And how it isn’t that bad. And how it can get worse.
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>>24738724
>Two entirely avoidable problems and you fell for them both. You absolute fucking retard LOL.
True enough. You forgot emotionally unstable/volatile women.

In any case, fuck it, two more problems to learn and find solutions for innit


>>24738729
Can confirm on most of this. I don't think my life has ever been better given that I'm doing better for myself these days than I ever have, but the prospect that my child may live a shitty life definitely sucks. My mother was a nightmare. Father killed himself. It's also not a given and life is messy so past trends aren't always indicative of future results. Generally great advice otherwise.
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>>24738730
Thanks anon. I should read the book. I saw the movie awhile ago but the book just kept moving down in my backlog. I'll add it to the list other anons recommended and pay attention to what it says about marriage and family.

>>24738733
I remember this part of the book. I actually stopped reading cause I couldn't relate. Maybe I should dive back in here.
>>24738734
thanks anons


>>24738739
>It will give you a glimpse of how bad it could get. And how it isn’t that bad. And how it can get worse.
This is such a spooky theme and I watched it play out pretty helplessly over the last few months. Thanks for the rec anon

>>24738725
Yea this makes way more sense pedagogically I guess. I'll check this out eventually. I was socialized the old school way but I see how that's made me retarded
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>>24738753
>I was socialized the old school way but I see how that's made me retarded
Infinite Jest will probably be of interest to you as well. it is 1100 pages of myopically exploring how you ended up where you are.
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>>24738755
>t is 1100 pages of myopically exploring how you ended up where you are.
are you trying to meme on me
i fell for the meme back in 2018
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>>24738758
>>24738755
Thinking back, I remember seeing myself in Hal. I'll approach it from this direction. Might see it differently. Reminds me of that work by Oliver Sacks’s case “To See and Not See” which explored Molyneux's problem
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>>24738672
When you put it like that it sounds quite loaded. Do I have much of a choice? The options are to:
1) let myself get walked over and keep nosing around in her life until she gets even more pissed on the chance that things turn around
2) cut it here and give her some illusion of emotional distance so she has the ability to either set things right or fuck about until self-awareness dawns on her and she figures it out

Option 2 sounds like the smarter move
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>>24738780
why did you marry this woman when you clearly are contemptuous of her? in any case you'd have to be a real greaseball to not try to be a father to the kid you FATHERED
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>>24738767
Things are starting to connect for you. Read Freedom before you revisit IJ, they are closely related but Freedom take a more traditional and personal approach which should help you better understand DFWs more academic and rigorous methods.

Hal ended up exactly where you are, and so did everyone else in IJ, some just accepted it instead of giving into it. No one in IJ learns the lesson.
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>>24738787
>why did you marry this woman when you clearly are contemptuous of her?
Contemptuous isn't the right word. I tried to nudge us towards marital counseling and her towards therapy for PPD as patiently as lovingly as I could. It didn't work. Am I upset about it? Yes. Contemptuous? No, just quite a bit unsteady about it all.

>in any case you'd have to be a real greaseball to not try to be a father to the kid you FATHERED

Right, ideally the path would be that we stay married and work on our issues and raise the kid but that door was closed off and its beyond my control to manage at this point. I think it would be more fair to say she became contemptuous to me, and it happened fucking quick, anon. I was playing with my child on my bed and I noticed her glaring at me and when I asked why the look she said "I just really fucking hate you right now. I'm not sure why." The discussion to have our child was one we arrived at together after consideration of an abortion. We even made arrangements for PPD because her mom had it with her middle child. So there's some lost grace I'm pretty upset at but I'm trying to just accept as my life now.

>>24738794
>some just accepted it instead of giving into it. No one in IJ learns the lesson.
I have no clue what this means for sure but I imagine there may be enough context for me to figure it out after reading Freedom and IJ?
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thanks for the recs anons
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>>24738802
Just read both as honestly as you can, put aside your ego and be honest with yourself. That you saw yourself in Hal says you got the message DFW was trying to get across but also says you did not understand that message, only felt it. Put in the time to understand it and you will be a good father regardless of how the divorce plays out. Same goes for Freedom.

This is a good demonstration of the flaws in DFW's ways, the academic approach gives us an out, it is academic and not reality. Franzen ultimately gives us the same out but moves the cope to politics instead of academia. In the end it all falls on us, the reader and our willingness to be honest with ourselves.
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Not a book but

https://poets.org/poem/failing-and-flying
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>>24738673
This kind of shit makes me wish women didn't have rights. Too emotional.
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>>24738739
This sounds like a bad recommendation
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Who are the jannies, who would delete this thread and hand OP a 3 day ban for being offtopic and think they're making the world a better place
Who are these people? What lives do they live that got them here?
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>>24739031
It is off-topic shit and a faggot blogposting about his retarded decisions THOUGH
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>>24739048
If your dad died and you made a thread here posting about it I would be here for you
If your child died in an accident and you posted a thread here I would pray for you



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