Alright, you little shits. Gather 'round the dumpster. Professor John Squirrel of Berkeleaf University is gonna drop some knowledge, so stop jerkin' your nuts for five seconds and listen up.For too long, you smooth-brained fuckwits have believed in this fairy tale they call "Hard-Acorn Incompatibilism." It's the idea that a nut's "nut-ness" is, and I quote my colleague Professor Fuckface McChimp, "a social construct." A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT? My ass. Have you ever tried to hibernate on a social construct? You'd fucking die.These philosophy-bitches—especially that prissy queer, Jacques Derrida-doo, who's so far up his own ass he's tasting yesterday's birdseed—say a nut is just a "text." Well, I'll show you a text. It's the text I'm about to write on this tree with my piss when I'm done here.Let's get to my brilliant-as-fuck thought experiment. I call it the Nut Room. Picture this: I'm locked in a shitty little room. It's got three boxes. Box A is full of primo, grade-A, bust-a-nut-in-your-mouth ACORNS. Box B is full of stupid fucking rocks. Box C is full of my own turds, which, for the record, are perfectly formed.Now, some dickhead grad student starts shoving notes through a crack in the wall. The notes say shit like "nut?" or "is this food?" or "please, I'm so hungry." I have a rule book. The rules are simple, even for you morons. If the note has the squiggle "N-U-T", I grab an acorn from Box A and shove it back through the crack. If it says "rock?", I throw a rock at the little bastard's face. If it says "profundity?", I send out a turd.I do this all day. The grad student gets a bunch of acorns. He jumps up and down, squealing, "WOW the system in the room understands. It has consciousness, it knows what a nut means.”BUT HE IS WRONG. DEAD FUCKING WRONG. I, John Squirrel, inside the room, have no goddamn idea what a "nut" is in that moment. I'm just a hairy robot following rules. I'm just matching squiggles to objects. I could be shoving my own turds out there for all I care. SYNTAX BITCHES. It's just pushing symbols around. It's empty. It's like your skulls.You don't get "nut" from squiggles. You get "nut" from your FUCKING GUT. From your DNA screaming "EAT THAT AND THEN HIDE IT IN A HOLE, YOU IDIOT.” The meaning of a nut is in my teeth when I crack that bitch open. It's in my balls when I use it to impress a lady squirrel. It's in the pure, unadulterated joy of watching a human slip on one I left on the sidewalk.So to all you AI nerds who think you can make a conscious being out of code: suck my whole ass. You can't get from 1s and 0s to the sublime experience of having your nuts fondled by the warm breeze of a summer day. You just can't. The code has no skin in the game. It doesn't know the fear of a hawk, or the rage of a stolen acorn stash.That's my lecture. My brain is now empty. All my blood has gone to my nuts. Now get the fuck out of my way, I see a pizza crust.
>>24776016Tones off and it's too long. Edit about 60% of it out and tone down the alpha shit or at least have it ramp up.
cringe but also wonderful
