Didn't see a poetry general. What do you guys think of this poem I wrote?A skeleton arrived in robes of white,a crown of thorns, and sandals made of light.His eyes observed the ashy landscape viewof blackened corpses, where the vultures flew.Around the dead, the scattered casings laidin circles. Overhead, the sunlight madereflections on the shells – the mushroom clouds.“A shame,” the skeleton remarked aloud,“to see the shape the Kingdom’s taken now.”– And, nodding slow, departed with a bow.
>>248203625/10Not bad, not great
>>24820463Thank you, friend. This was my own self-assessment as well. I just wanted someone else to confirm.
>>24820362Not terribleI don't like open couplets thoHow does a skelton have eyes? He just has holes
>>24820472>I don't like open couplets thoFair enough, I honestly didn't intend at first to write them that way, but things sort of snowballed lol.>How does a skelton have eyes? He just has holesYeah I was worried about that line. I kind of intended for the eyes to be figurative/spiritual in nature, but probably I should have gone with "gaze" or something instead.
>>24820472>>24820478Also thank you for the feedback, my friend. I greatly appreciate it.
Which is better? Chinese poetry or Japanese poetry? Why is Japanese poetry much more famous in the west?
>>24820482You're welcomeI forgot to say you understand meterThat puts you in the top 1% of this board for hearing meter in poetryMeaning the top 1% of humans
>>24820629Ethnic tensions likely
>>24820362Bump for OP
>>24820362Then why not make a poetry general and post your poem in it? Why do you think your dogshit work deserves its own thread?
>>24821630Nothing is stopping you from posting your own work in this thread. Stop being a little bitch.
