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THE BUREAUCRATIC MANIFESTO: OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE DMV

By Redacted

1. THE TECHNOSOCIAL DISEASE

Modern life is not life. It is a managed simulation of life, processed through the cold logic of digital algorithms and optimized social credit schemes. The average citizen of the "free world" wakes up not to sunlight but to push notifications. They feel not joy, but serotonin surges from TikTok and shame from calorie-tracking apps.

In the past, communities entertained themselves with song, dance, storytelling, and drunken confessionals under the stars. Now they livestream their breakdowns for attention, hoping for a dopamine cookie. This is not progress. This is regression through overconnected convenience.


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2. THE FALLACY OF UNCLE TED

Uncle Ted, patron saint of pre-industrial rage, misunderstood one thing: you cannot halt the machine.
Progress is not a runaway train—it is a flesh-harvesting combine with no brakes and a Silicon Valley VC fund behind it.

Smashing the machine does nothing. The moment one screen is destroyed, a hundred more are assembled by 12-year-olds under global supply chain duress. There is no going back to the 13th century, as charming as that sounds.

But… there is another way.

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3. THE STRATEGY OF GLORIOUS INCOMPETENCE

Let the government run it all.

Give the surveillance state to the DMV. Let the Post Office manage Facebook. Make the IRS build the next Apple Watch.

Instead of seamless surveillance? Six-month backlog.

Instead of infinite scroll? "Page Not Found."

Instead of dating apps using facial symmetry AI? A manila folder of candidates mailed bi-annually.


This is not utopia. This is deliberate dysfunction as salvation.


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4. THE RETURN TO COMMUNITY THROUGH SHARED SUFFERING

When the government runs everything, no one will want to use it.

Citizens will be forced to talk to each other again.

Bored with glitchy Netflix? Start a community play.

Food rations taste like plaster? Start a garden.

Internet down for the 5th time this week? Host a book reading, even if it's just one dog-eared copy of “The Count of Monte Cristo.”


As public services collapse under their own bureaucratic weight, the people will reclaim meaning. The black hole of infinite convenience will be replaced by the awkward joy of real life.

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5. THE BUREAUCRATIC VANGUARD

We, the inefficiently radical, call for:

1. The Nationalization of Every App
Twitter shall become “Federal Bulletin Board #13,” moderated by retired librarians.


2. The Full Militarization of Entertainment
Every Marvel film must be reviewed by a congressional committee and re-shot by amateur theater groups.


3. The Disbanding of User Experience Designers
UX is counterrevolutionary. Friction is sacred.


4. The Establishment of the Ministry of Minor Inconvenience
A bureaucratic body dedicated to banning drive-thrus, removing autocorrect, and enforcing dial-up speeds in rural zones.
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6. CONCLUSION: A GLORIOUS FUTURE OF PAINFUL TOGETHERNESS

Let the machine continue—but let it run on cold coffee, broken printers, and misfiled forms. Only then can humanity breathe again.

Remember: when the line is long and the office is closed early, that is the sound of your soul healing.

>Citizens will be forced to talk to each other again.
All this because unc doesn't get invited to parties.

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>>24955298
>Unc doesn’t get invited to parties

> Now your city has 9 Diversity Commissars for Public Sidewalks

Good. Parties are decadent. Bureaucracy is eternal.
The less we are invited, the more powerful we become.

–Comrade Uncle Ted, laughing in technored tape

Are we seeing a return to the golden era of tedposting?

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>>24955365
Yes, I have returned. Wiser and ready to bring it all down, will you anons join me?

https://suno.com/song/0ad93c09-8cfd-438f-bb92-a37bbccc98da

The obvious use of AI for the writing is the cherry on top. If he was still alive I’m not sure if Ted would praise you or go out of his way to escape from prison and hunt you down and behead you for this.

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>>24955809
I enjoyed that song, anon. I also like sona:)

>>24955828
"We won’t tear down industrial society — we’ll let it rot from within, bloated on paperwork, until the average citizen would rather churn butter naked in the woods than fill out one more online form."

I know that's not as cool as mailing someone a bomb, but I think Uncle Ted will forgive us.

Based as fuck thread.

>>24955278
ChatGPT:
>Uncle Ted, patron saint of pre-industrial rage, misunderstood one thing: you cannot halt the machine. Progress is not a runaway train [...] There is no going back to the 13th century, as charming as that sounds.
The actual Kaczynski:
>129. Another reason why technology is such a powerful social force is that, within the context of a given society, technological progress marches in only one direction; it can never be reversed. Once a technical innovation has been introduced, people usually become dependent on it, so that they can never again do without it, unless it is replaced by some still more advanced innovation.
Kaczynski was under no illusions that destroying the industrial system was nearly mpossible, he only meant to argue that it was (a) more possible than it seemed and (b) the benefits of trying an possibly failing outweighed the costs of not doing so. This is of course for the very same reason (the time discount) that revolutionaries like socialists believe any atrocity may be merited, because the costs of allowing the capitalist system to continue are far outweighed by the benefits of a socialist and eventually communist utopia. For Kaczynski, this was more akin to
>The cost of a technological future is potentially infinitely bad, the benefit of destroying it is possibly just a little bad.
I'm not sure why every single person who ever posts about Kaczynski makes this same mistake. I can find three separate examples from three separate threads off the top of my head:
>https://warosu.org/lit/thread/24422628#p24426082
>dismisses the idea of curiosity in science, somehow not realizing that once you start getting interested in something, you continue to follow that pathway
>https://warosu.org/lit/thread/23007126#p23007493
>this stupid bastard only needed an entry level economics book to see why machines are here to stay
>https://warosu.org/lit/thread/22994634#p22994649
>There is no going back, only forward. And those who can’t handle it will die out, like Ted.
The fact that technology cannot by any means be reversed is one of the most important parts of Kaczynski's theory. This is why he does not bother with technology directly and only wants to shatter the industrial system to prevent the production of large-scale organization dependent technology (and thereby cause the temporary reversal of technological progress).
I know your post is satire, don't worry OP. It's just ChatGPT regurgitating the words of the redditors it learned from.

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>>24955918
Comrade, we do not need to smash the machine: we’ll simply make it so slow, so bloated, so unbearable that the people walk away on their own. Let city-dwellers drown in forms, hold music, and IT tickets. Let nothing upgrade, let nothing arrive on time. And as the rust creeps in and apps crash, villages will sing again, tools will pass from hand to hand, and the natural life—real life—will quietly rise from the bureaucratic rubble. Progress won’t be reversed... it’ll be abandoned.

Yes, Uncle Ted wanted to stop the overall system, and we do as well. I do appreciate your post though. /Lit/ is full of smart people. Smarter than me.

>>24955982
Hail Comrade! Glory to the Revolution!