Writing style alignment editionPrevious: >>24999041/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQRESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvCPlease limit excerpts to one post.Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.Discuss the written works below for practice; contribute, and you shall receive.If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.Shitposters should be ignored and reported.Beginner guides on writing:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRMhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFkTheme: https://youtu.be/Z3m7HXeiHpg?si=VvpNpaMS1WfGX8QJ
Share your thoughts. Tell me why it's shit and what you liked.A comet flies through space hurdling towards the moon. On its surface is a dome shaped building with a telescope sticking out of it. Two men in lab coats are sitting at a computer console. One is asleep, the other is typing on a keyboard and staring at the monitor with eyes he can barely keep open. The screen flashes a warning showing the comet on a crash course with the moon. It continues its trajectory until it curves like an aircraft making an emergency landing and grazes the ground, pushing dirt into a small hill in front of it and leaves a cleared path behind it. Having seen this, the already perplexed scientist is even more astonished to see the large rock open and two alien creatures climb out of it. One walks around the ship looking it over and the other looks toward the telescope making direct eye contact with the scientist. He hurriedly turned to shake the other man awake. “Mathew! Matthew!” In a daze he replies “Huh? What?”“Mattew! Look! The monitor! There’s-” And as he turned back to the monitor to point at it, the aliens and meteor are nowhere to be seen. The still hazy Mathew mumbles “What’s there?” A moon buggy with four people in space suits drives toward the spot where the asteroid was last seen. As it stops, they get up and walk around inspecting the landing site. One, annoyed, exclaims “Oh look! Still nothing!” Another spreads his arms and exclaims in shock “It was right here!”“You sure?” The scientist continues moving around the crash site “It was a giant asteroid! You couldn’t possibly miss it!”“Well WHERE is it then huh?” The scientist kneels down at the site of impact. “But there’s a crater! Something HAS to have been here!” The camera zooms out to show a landscape filled with craters. “Oh yeah that settles it.”"I'm telling you, a meteor crashed down right here and two aliens walked out of it like it was some kind of ship! Look! Look at this path here! Something landed!""Well… I repeat myself… WHERE is it then huh?" The scientist kneels down closely inspecting the path and the crater, then surveys the surrounding area while stroking his chin. "Maybe it turned invisible…" Groans from his peers can be heard. "You're so full of shit Ned." The three others walk back to the buggy as Ned chases after them. "I'm telling you it's true!""Just shut up already" As the buggy makes its way back to the base on the horizon its passengers are grumbling on the ride back . Away from the site in a nearby cave, two aliens are huddled next to a device.
>>25007086>hurdlingWhat's with people posting work and having a clear spelling/grammar/punctuation error in the very first sentence?
>>25007089>What's with people posting work and having a clear spelling/grammar/punctuation error in the very first sentence?Are you ESL?
The books on writing that I ordered have arrived. I now have over 1,410 pages to read. I might have overdone it. There's two more on the way too, I think.
>>25007086It's shit because you haven't gotten a firm grasp of the fundamentals yet. The prose, especially the dialogue, is stiff and awkward. The narrative makes it feel like an excerpt from something abandoned (or maybe that should be abandoned). I can't find anything positive to say about it. >>25007089Of all the errors in that story you picked the proper present participle of hurdle to complain about.
>>25007113I think just reading the The Chicago Manual Of Style is probably enough for the vast majority of people when it comes to books on the craft of writing. Which is only like 150 pages and is something you will actually read through and likely use.
>>25007119>Of all the errors in that story you picked the proper present participle of hurdle to complain about.mfw when the guy who gives negative critique a lot reveals his ESL statusexplains a lot
>>25007113Protip: don't highlight or take notes in any of them so you can sell them for a better price once you realize you should've spent that time writing and/or reading actual books.
>>25007124I took it to mean the comet was dodging obstacles through space.
>>25007134>comet>dodging obstaclesdelusional attempt to save face, way more embarrassing than if you just said oh fuck, my bad
>>25007138Excuse me for trying to immerse myself in the writer's world. Seems like he's going for a sci-fi thing. For all I know, they've set up hurdles in space to stop comets that that one (which is actually an alien spacecraft) can easily dodge
>>25007143I think you're just having a laugh about it now, but any time I assume intelligence in an anon I turn out to be incorrectanyway, even in the generous interpretation, you're retarded. never give critique again, ESL
>>25007089That's actually a usage error
>>25007147You need to open your mind. Language can be flexible.
>>25007123Eh, grammar and style aren't issues I usually worry about. Maybe I'll pick it up as a reference later. My biggest concerns are storytelling and dialog. I need to get out of "technical writing" mode, which I've done for over 15 years now.
>>25007161my dick is flexible as it goes up your ass
>>25007166>My biggest concerns are storytelling and dialogYou've (presumably) read a good few books and already have a sense for these that those meta-books can't give you. You'll mostly find instructions for how to write in a formulaic style. If you must, read guides for only as long as it takes you to stop staring at blank pages.
How much change to a story is needed to be considered a 2nd edition?
>>25007149Depends on the intent of the author. It is possible that he tried to phonetically spell hurtling, which in some dialects is indistinguishable from hurdling. On the other hand, it is possible that he believes that hurdling means hurtling.
>>25007119>>25007124>Of all the errors in that story you picked the proper present participle of hurdle to complain about.My suspicion that grammar Nazis are ESL stands unrefuted.
>>25007206>My suspicion that grammar Nazis are ESL stands unrefuted.Except for the majority of times they're right and correcting supposed EFLs, of course
>>25007197some good improvements there, wing. i think you should just leave the edition number the same though since probably nobody read edition 1
>>25007179Sure, but I'm also about to have a massive amount of free time, so might as well fill it with something productive when I'm not directly writing.
>>25007029reposting this to bump>>25007013Kind of shmucky way to reverse something significant, but I can't kill myself off too quickly. All the stupid Ethan stories if anyone has bothered to read are culminating to an inside joke that happened like a year ago. I write them for my mom to read, mostly.
>>25007241Reading writing guides isn't productive.
>>25007267>I write them for my momFor all sad words of tongue and pen
>>25007197Your prose is better the average poster's as usual Wing, and getting better, but there's still issues that I would point out as more than autistic nitpicks. I think you have issues with hyphenation>three mast schoonershould be >three-mast schooneror more preferred>three-masted schoonerdunno the grammar rule, as much as I admire those nazis for their autism, but I'm pretty positive about this one from intuition. you smash together the modifiers before the noun (unless it's -ly adverbs and some other exceptions)>purse-stringsThis raised my hackles too but I'm honestly not totally certain. It seems wrong. I think that means it could be argued for but most people wouldn't. Grammar nazis, please dive inMore importantly:>Ending two sentences with the rare noun schoonerVery noticeable and something you should be paying attention to, if not picking up passively when you proof your work. That kind of echo feels very bad for any reader, even if it's a minor thing most normies won't be able to pinpoint.Maybe something like>Waves bashed against the side of the three-mast schooner, and seagulls cawed overhead. From above, through wooden planks, came...When you can condense, you usually should, and I removed a good amount of words thereI'm usually over at /wng/ these days but you're one of the anons I'm cheering silently from the sidelines, Wing. YGMI someday
>>25007295>/wng/Get out
>>25007300Don't worry, I'm not usually here. Very rarely I check in and see it's only gotten worse and scurry out.I'm a Wing fan though so I felt like responding
anyone else have writers block
>>25007295Thanks anon. I do appreciate it. I was scratching myself in the head trying to figure it out too. Some grammar checkers say it's correct, some say it's wrong. So I just went with the one without the squiggly lines. But I too would love to know. I also want to try a /wng/ story one day.
>>25007305>Appalachia Spirit GuideStopped reading right there, looks like one of those retarded names from chinese web slop
>>25007274To be clear, I write for myself, but she reads anything I show her.
>>25007226Us EFL GODS create grammar rules, not follow then.
>>25007295>>25007308Both of you need to fuck off back to the slop containment thread
>>25007351Kino. I like it. I'm a sucker for anything involving teenage love.
>>25007430thanks friendo <3
>>25007430>>25007446Now suck each other's cocks
>>25007449You know what, maybe we will. I got a pink tip, I'm sure he does too. I spend my days thinking about what it was like to be a teenager that talked to girls, and when I'm not I think about consciousness and death.
I keep making my side characters more interesting than my protagonist...
>>25007735I think this is a natural sort of problem because your main character has to serve a plot, but your sidies exist in spite of it.
>>25007735My MC's love interest is both more interesting and miles more likeable than the MC. Then again, she's meant to be the secondary protag, so maybe that's okay.
>>25008045My love interest is secretly the antagonist like all women are.
What do you guys think of my short story?audiobook: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIlO1W1tph8It's a medieval pulp story in the vein of Weird Tales and Game of Thrones.
>>25008535Sorry, can't listen to it. If you're going to use AI, you need to figure out how to direct a lot better than that.
>>25008535Yeah, only a minute is, and I'm liking it. HOWEVER: "God's Hand" is a ridiculous name. Swords typically have actual names, right? Like Excalibur, Durandal, Hrunting, and Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi (included in this list only to oppose my own point, as it means Grass-cutter, my point stands). Anyway, not bad. It's quite economical in descriptions.
>>25008655Okay good to know. you can still read the transcript
>>25008661Yeah, it is a bit cheesy. It was kind of intentional because he's not really a noble knight. He's more like a brute enforcer.
Lawful Pantser here. How do I stop the unintended strange consequences and bring order to my new realm?
>>25008682I'm not reading 3500 words in this format. You can present in a reasonable way.
>>25007305Not writers block, but drive to sit down and write. When I draw I get serious art block and same face / same pose, but writing is effortless when I do it. Do you post anywhere else, I've enjoyed these blurbs.
>>25009239I used to post my stuff on YouTube but burnt myself out on it. Mainly short stories, elevated creepypasta if you will.I'm the same way though. When I can command myself to write it usually comes out fine. Just doing that is the hard part
I'm writing the story for a really goofy and silly comedy video game. Is it okay to straight up lie to the player about the plot? There's a character, and when he's first introduced, the description says he's on a quest for "revenge". And the whole setup makes it seem that way. But the plot twist at the end is that he's actually trying to track down a person he admires.
It feels as if I'm locked in the vice of SLOTH. Overpowering, all-consuming. This weak prose is all I can muster.
Victoria anon. I'm still waiting for chapter 11+. Post it.
>>25009483>What is Bioshock for $500>Show me "what is Bioshock", for $500*cheering noises*
Been working on a sci-fi thing, how do you guys prefer excerpts to be posted?
>>25010004We prefer them not posted. You're better off only using these threads to discuss the craft.
>>25010004I've found through trial and error that I generally prefer when they aren't posted. I personally won't read it unless it's in manuscript format.
https://rentry.co/hdwhmvacshort story I wrote up. thx
>>25010085it's shit sorry
>>25010337Sorry, I should've specified. Critique from non-ESLs please.
>>25010362it's shit not sorry
>>25010368I said non-ESLs.
>>25010376It's shit you should be sorry
Tomorrow (in 1 minute) I shall fixate almost entirely on writing aside from the basics like sleep. Will report the day's word count the day after.
>>25010383You're obviously the ESL that autistically insults every excerpt. You're desperate for (You)s but unfortunately this is the last one you get from me. Don't tweak out before your next fix
>>25010085Laying in bed when I read it. I liked it, but it is very rough, reminds me of when I did sales for pest control. I'm currently reading Superstitious by RL Stein and enjoyed this more than that>>25010007Mega retarded
>>25010085The ending is a little rough, but I like the story a lot. Especially the beginning set up and how clear the story is.
>>25007086Reads very amateurish. I hate the use of caps in emphasis, the dialogue is too expository, too stiff, and even this short passage needed a few more passes for grammar and spelling.>>25008535I'll read it if you post a text excerpt, but I don't listen to audiobooks.>>25010085Very competently written, though I don't typically go in for literary realism as a matter of personal taste. I got the feeling that you were beginning to lose interest towards the latter half and as the other reply mentioned, the ending was perhaps a bit much. It doesn't take away from how solid the piece is overall. Nice work.
>>25010085Not bad at all, but it sounds very autobiographical and you threw in a random plot point to diverge from your rants about door to door sales
Can't tell if I want 3 books, or one big 'un
>>25010859Probably 3 then. Then the one big one just becomes a commitment.
A small excerpt of my novel I'm still working on. https://pastebin.com/Lx6V1NKy
