I finished the first manuscript of my book; it's not erotica but it's an existential baroque romance exploring sexual and religious trauma. So a protestant autismal virgin nerd uses chaos magic to summon a kinky looking succubus girlfriend. (god would never approve) He has a lot of shame around his libido. He goes to university and sees this woman he "summoned" and is overwhelmed by her sexy power internally. (She's a regular woman. Magic works about as well as it does IRL in this book. He's just religious)But then another girl adopts him as her boyfriend and he enjoys a normal relationship for a time. She takes his virginity on halloween wearing an angel costume. His girlfriend sends him (unflattering) nudes and then brings him to a concert with a friend, who happens to be the supposed "succubus." He can barely act normally around this girl. He left porn open on his phone that looks almost exactly like this "succubus." All of them see it at the same time. His girlfriend figures she isn't what he wants and it causes drama. She doesn't look like that.I'm considering making this succubus have red skin and horns (with NO lampshading, besides being a recreational drug user she is normal) so it's obvious that she's dangeresque and a FOIL.Is it a good idea to make her red with horns? My original idea was that shes' a BBW and that's why she's a powerful source of shame for the protag but the "fanservice" was too much to let anyone see. By not eroticizing her devilishness specifically I can avoid switching one kink to another. I think it's more accessible and less exhibitionist this way, but it changes the flavor to being almost Shonen, and makes the symbolism quite on the surface. I know it's fucking weird either way, but I handled this Freudian material pretty well. Well. What do you think?
>>25035707sounds intriguing to me. reminds me of bedazzled.
I summoned a Succubus out of boredom half a year ago believing it was all virgin bullshit. I used the letter method. A week later this totally normal girl comes(she's pretty but in a girl-next-door way) and I never gave much of a shit about her. At some point, which I can't exactly pinpoint, this girl starts fucking invading my dreams and soon almost every waking moment of my life. I am now completely consumed with obsession over this girl and I feel totally embarrassed because it's obvious that I'm unhealthily head over heels for her. Say what you want about Succubus Magic being bullshit, but whatever the fuck it really is, got me at a really good fucking timing.
>>25036822based schizo retard
>>25035707lmao, i love you bro. These posts are comedy gold every single time.
>>25035770thanks might check it out>>25036922No problemo bro I know how it sounds. But it actually has a lot of heart, (the character development of the first girlfriend takes up the middle 2/3 of the book!) and I'm pretty good at philosophy and poetry. I'm just going to have to use a pseudonym because of the absurd premise and the lewd content.>>25036822I don't think it's bullshit necessarily. This book is really about the occult and I speak a lot about sigil magic, and a spirituality built around the Will (Nietzsche speaks of this) as a foil for Christianity. The MC does rituals several times with bloodletting and candles but I come at it agnostically, with Plato, Freud, Jung. But. Whenever crazy shit "really" happens it is when he combines magic with LSD, marijuana, or DXM, but it all happens in the mind. My prose really waxes during the trips like it's The Hashish Eater or The Rose of ParacelsusI had a long demonology essay baked in to the prose right near the beginning like it's Moby Dick but I chickened out because of pacing. Modern books can't get away with it. Basically a sorcerer reaches into the platonic hyperspace and retrieves objects. Egregores. Gamer girrls with cat ear headphones, what have you, and you can become obsessed with them or create drawings or magnify trends on the internet or project this archetype onto real women. Or your belief in being enchanted by sexual energy empowers you to act on it in real life, instead of being a prude or a coward. Congratulations, you summoned her.It seems like I'm demystifying this. I just think magic works without violating natural laws.What I was really hoping someone could tell me though is how over the top it is to make a character LOOK like a little demon, to show how the MC thinks about their own libidido, but never lampshaded.
Sounds like a creative concept. I can't write it for you but I hope just posting about it helps you along your path.
>>25035707>She's a regular woman. Magic works about as well as it does IRL in this book.>I'm considering making this succubus have red skin and hornsPick one, anon. Or do you mean for some costume party there too?Sounds like a cool idea that it's all in his head that she's a succubus.
>>25036822do you guys know what an actual succubus was supposed to be? ever since AD&D it got turned into a sexpot, but its not supposed to be.
>>25039084From what I understand, it's a dream demon feeding off one's energy? Now I'm not saying this is literally what I met irl, definition in verbatim to the books. I just found it funny and really coincidental that after like a week since the succubus summoning, I fell for a girl who, like some unexpected kick in the nuts, just shook my being to the point of dreaming. This is in all accounts, an intense limerence on my part. I just find it funny in how it lined up with the timing of my ritual.
>>25035707Thanks for the idea, OP. I'm gonna steal it and make a billion dollars off of it.
>>25039508>From what I understand, it's a dream demon feeding off one's energy?sort of, more or less. Look up...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SuccubusPS - as a young man, I was under stress and experienced "sleep paralysis" one time. Let me tell you, I *never* slept on my back ever again my entire life. I was a dyed in the wool back sleeper. We didn't have internet back then to look this shit up, LMAO. Remember anon. *real* events that have no explanation require... explaining. Belief in an afterworld where the dead live and can help the living? Quite rational. Dreams! I see my dad once or tgwice a year... in dreams. He's "whole" again, a muscular man in his 40s as I remember him younger, not the man dying in his late 80s of cancer slow. He told me to "stop being a pussy, quit this job and take the other job". Which? helped me, trust me here. SAO read the WIKIPEDIA article and include sleep[ paralysis and wet dreams in your novel. The man will assign *those* experiences to the real life girl, further enchanting him. He'll be both beholden to her as well as fearful of her (wet dream great, sleep paralysis terrifying) work those two into your plot and you'll get that supernatural/real life tie in top make it "spooky". And after you read the short WIKI article, particularly clicking on "sleep paralysis" and reading that one, too... you can come back and thank me. And yes, you're very welcome. I like you anon. You have an original mind for an original plot. But tying it in with established proven tropes.
>>25039583>Thanks for the idea, OP. I'm gonna steal it and make a billion dollars off of it.Collab wit me, anon. We'll drink monster energy drinks *together* by coordinating in time over the internet. Our names will touch on the watch list. We will take our Hikkikimori and turn it into great success.
>>25039583>>25041004Please do, we can make a microgenre of literature.Btw I'm actually doing it, I'm not fucking with you guys. It's 80,000 words. This is my "meet-cute." Do not steal.
>>25041150random observation, I'm like three sentences in. Do not I repeat do *not* use real trademarked items or works. Its easy for a newbie to litter their text with this. I think we all do this on our first novel or two. For one thing it marks you as a newbie. For another if you ever make money, the owners of the rights will appear like magic and demand retroactive payment for rights. There is an entire industry of bottom feeders that find and report and litigate these things. You have been so warned. your mileage may vary. There is a reason you always see "just like" names of trademarked and popular things in novels and films. Steven King can get rights for product placement and can afford to buy rights to use radio songs. You? Can't. If you want to use "Green Day" band for instance, you have to *ape* the name. Example, "Grass Day" (because grass is green). The album or song name, "the american idiot", might become "the american moron". After aping the name so the reader knows *exactly* what you wish you could legally write, you are legally safe. Now I can read the thing having performed my anon-to-anon good looking out.
>>25041150>Please do, we can make a microgenre of literature.cool. we can all release at once like the monster girl evolution novels did and take over rising stars. Limitless power and influence will be ours, Bwah hah ha hah-h-h-h-h-h. (I will sell all future power and influence for one hot weekend with a mid-tier art hoe, lol, but she better be freaky as fuck)
>>25041150what is the tense usage. Is it deliberate to be different or for an effect. example. I am reading from you:"I'm imagining putting my hand on her shoulder, then sliding it down to rest on the small of her back. I am wanting to create the intimacy out of nothing."when I am used to reading:"I imagined putting my hand on her shoulder, then sliding it down to rest on the small of her back. I wanted to create the intimacy out of nothing."I will stop short of actually correcting you and telling you to change and rewrite/edit all of it if this goes on through all 80k words of your text. Just in case this is an acceptable literary technique I am thus far ignorant of. But do take it under (possible) advisement. I used to hear "tense errors! Pick a tense, motherfucker! are you ESL!" type of shit when anons read my excerpts I would post here. When I caught what they meant, I started policing myself at rough draft writing and slowly eliminated it. I now get motherfucked for other things but I don't hear "tense!" complaints any more. Again, your mileage may vary. Now I can go back and read it just to read it, again having performed my anon-to-anon good looking out due diligence. Wish me luck.
>>25041150I finished my read. I like it. No glaring spelling or horrible grammar errors, good job. What sense and vibe do I get from the excerpt. You said the MC is a geek. Her, I am imagining a cute girl next door. A little quirky. If you ever saw the movie "Bedazzled" at the end he meets the girl of his dreams one final time except now its real life and she is quirky and nerdy just like he is, and she's as into him and he is into her. They zen on her audio geek out stuff moving into the apartment next to his and you know they hold hands and skip[ off into the sunset together, credits roll. I get the artistic sense that's her, that's who she is to him. Overall I like the writing sample. I just can't shake that tense thing I posted about, perhaps some other anon will come along and confirm or deny my concerns about that. I have an urge to re-write your excerpt out in past tense normal first person prose and show you the readability change. But now that I accept that you wriyte in that tense and its consistent, the image of reading it itself is fine. IE I like the movie in my head reading it. The story is well executed has potential to touch anyone who feels alienated by a world they feel is designed for "chad and stacy".
>>25041175It does bother me that I'd done this. When I was in college clout was all about knowing cool bands (it probably still is) I'll take your advice.>>25041187I know I'm doing this throughout and it bothers me. The problem I have is sometimes it sounds better in past tense and sometimes it sounds better in present. Especially sex sounds better in present, but I write in past tense naturally. I'm probably going to pick past tense but I already spent a few hours switching loads of pages to present. >>25041177 My character Shasta is a mid tier art ho and also freaky, kind of a combination of a bunch of girls i knew. Fell in love with her writing this book. I heard that happens to a lot of people.>>25041000I can't believe I didn't think of this. It helps with the pacing AND the quasi-supernatural "realism" to have this succubus appear in sleep paralysis, but I'd have to rewrite freshman orientation when this other girl first appears, but it shouldn't be that hard. But I have to decide when she first appears, and how he deals with that, especially once he has a girlfriend, and if she appears in dreams frequently or just once, and how superstitious it makes him. It's like cheating on your gf to have a succubis if they appear often, and he has to be redeemable... I gotta say though this board is a lot friendlier than I ever expected. Thank you anons.
>>25035707A well made film of this would be KINO
