I think I have erectile dysfunction.

>>25066584
Me too, -ish, as of result of the meds I take daily. I can get hard if it's been long enough since my dose, but in the first 10-12 hours? Forget it. And even then I'm nervous it won't come through when I need it. I'm like the character from Houellebecq's Serotonin. What's the cause of your issue?

>>25066580
I'm home sick from work today. Gonna do some reading >:D

>>25066592
Finasteride and sertraline regimen fucked me up. I stopped taking them both and fucked myself up even worse and now I'm just taking sertraline hoping to "feel better" soon but my dick is still wilted. Not only that, mad low libido too. Porn is not even arousing. I don't know if it's just the meds. I think I'm going through them changes.

>>25066603
>>25066603
Damn, you're literally the character from Serotonin. Sorry, anon, wish I had any solution. Maybe see a doctor about getting on some testosterone? I've considered doing that, though I'm nervous about physical bodily and personality changes.

>>25066606
>Damn, you're literally the character from Serotonin.
We're nothing alike. I haven't gone a-whoring since getting back on my prescription, I just sit in my room and play games on my phone.

>>25066580
I haven’t written in so long. I would go long stretches of daily journaling/writing. But it’s been pretty sparse lately. Having two young kids eliminates free time. Of course, I could just be falling back on a cliche excuse

I'm not sure what the point of posting here would be for me. I'm trying to combat (You) addiction and at the same time I'm feeling very unable to do anything creative.
I just want to play vidya and read philosophy.

>>25066603
>Finasteride
For hair loss?
lol at people taking troon drugs for that.

I just posted this on the other thread but for the first time in ever somebody liked my writing here so;
In the early naughties where everyone had a better, more interesting or at least costlier places to go than wherever they happened to loiter around during The evening on the off chance their soul crushing job allowed them to do anything besides grinding vitality into dust for main road defrosting purposes and but also for The Machine and its lubrication with tears and sweat as they toiled, while daydreaming about loitering the streets where infinite events of nothing of value was happening almost every weekend. In here, where to stand still was a death sentence and all the queues and lack of public spaces avaliable drilled notions of some seemingly forward movement towards some yet unseen but sure-to-be-there cliff. What goes up must meet back with the ground. Then swiftly exchange cash and goes deeper into the crevices of mother earth to fix itself right up and shoots back up just to crash down again. There, was where we marched down in the dirt and stood around looking around, drinking. Essentially; Loitering As A Past Time. Not out of rebellion or to stand up against the ever marching progress (& time) saying stop screaming begging it to stop but due to a distinct lack of funds to have our runts on some stool. Obviously to slow down any commute is a cardinal sin and general observation is looked down upon especially for the tourists, which everyone but the most dick swinging of the swindlers abhorred deeply. Where almost anything was photogenic in a way the Mona Lisa is in that if you are here now and not here all the time (like a security guard from Louvre would be) might as well remove the phone from your ass pocket, or in some cases actually not even remove the gaze from the phone and record the magnificent sidewalks and the Old Buildings and the Culture to prove a point of some kind and to prove your existence where none seem to care, which they actually don't. A never ending chain of cars clashing honking and screeching their ways on roads spiraling out of control tightly knit into steep inclines peaks and streets built on what might as well amount to holes on the map on top of the land. Everyone was bored and nothing was boring, there were no sorts of beliefs, faiths, callings, quests, purposes anymore yet anything could be that which you wanted at any time with arbitrary whimsy if you were naive and or stupid enough. People in what was now essentially in the middle fo their lives were dating perpetually among bars to people whom with they had no connection but the table on which they sat upon and everyone was going quite literally fucking insane. A smog of business enveloping, making its way towards the circulatory systems of those affected completely warping apriori conceptions of general life and those of whom got spared that were crushed by government mandated ennui.

>>25066663
It was unclear how anyone made their money or how much they had not that none of them had much but still, economics is just economists shrugging their shoulders until the wings fall of the plane. People on top of two hundred fifty year loans floating on open market bobbing up and down while sharks nibble on their toes. The city meanwhile was constantly screeching, screaming and clawing (but it never begged, it had its children for that) around itself like a drug addict that was going through some heavy withdrawals, man. Picking at its own scabs demolishing there rebuilding here with never ending shrieks of metal cutting metal and pounding agony of metal breaking concrete and this was okay with them for the same reason why no one stands in front of trucks going a hundred and twenty kilometers per hour. Making you wake up at nine am to absolute fucking nothing of a day again. Bullshit. Trafic lights were a suggestion most of the time for the motored and bipedal alike and even then they gave up at a certain hour blinking on again off again in that halfhearted yellow. The same yellow that reflects off the wet asphalt and bounces up towards your hazy gaze after a long night drinking then walking home because the SAME asshole yellow car refused you for its myriad of reasons. Burning its bastardly suggestions in your retina. Dragging you down to their level of relapse. Then you wake up at seven am because the Bank of which you fell asleep on the shrubbery of is about to open now and they would very much like you to fuck off. Anything that there is with enough moula you could ship it directly on your doorstep with your own personal corporate owned mule at any hour of the day no matter the circumstances of weather if you dont mind salvia in your food. Under siege by its own militia where they roam the streets in and out of uniforms and with its eyes everywhere always looking but never seeing anything that might be of importance to you if the need ever arose. And that need does arise you fall asleep on a cart your backpack gets stolen you get mugged they beat you for a glance in here you are dead meat in some streets and again I cannot stress this enough nobody cares really look it up ask your mum.

The left has gone insane.

>>25066663
>>25066668
Naked Lunch esque

>>25066683
been doing a lot of reading on beats for my "job" so maybe i got subconciously affected

>gets put on this earth to explore and try stuff out
>constantly get told what to do by people who are currently exploring telling others what to do
Well, what the fuck is that? Can we get some sort of turn based system going?

>>25066690
>Can we get some sort of turn based system going?
What do you think career advancement and accumulating wealth, power, and influence are?

>>25066695
Out of my reach. Thanks AI.

>>25066701
@grok how can I accumulate the most wealth the fastest?

I must overcome the emotions of embarrassment, shame, and fear.

>>25066715
It's easily done.
I've always had fear and shame but I just didn't give into it.
Got over my fear of speaking in front of groups when I was 18. As part of an internship I had to give sex education to people who were older than me at troubled schools. I was a virgin at that point.

Shia Lebeouf was right. Just do it.

>>25066653
yeah my life is a punchline

sometimes I'm overcome with such poignant clarity of mind but it's so transient.

>>25066706
And a new sloptube channel is born. Thanks Gronk.

I know this comes across as both ungrateful and dumb but I really thought my life would be better after getting a gf. Like yeah it’s better, much better, but all the problems in my life unrelated to romance are still there.

>>25066759
I think that's pretty common. People think the empty feeling will be filled up with a partner, but it don't work like this. Never has. Only way to fill that up is inner discovery. You must dive in.

>>25066759
well...what did you expect? there is no magic pill

>>25066759
What you need is two girlfriends.

>>25066777
Holy checked. The truth has been spoken.

>>25066580
I think I’m supposed to give a shit about video games but I just don’t anymore.

>>25066854
No ones forcing you to and this hobby for most part is filled with cretins that have shiny object syndrome.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

>>25066865
I keep trying to do the supernatural finger snap, but no one is exploding. Excuse me, but what the fuck?

on my fucking birthday too

>>25066759
Companions make both bad times and good times better; so it makes going forward worth it, because you know the rewards await, and it makes failures easier to process and vanquish

More of a buff to life than an actual solution

>>25066876
tomorrow is my birthday

>>25066911
>>25066777
>>25066722
>>25066600
check em'

There's another McVeigh moment coming. I can feel it.

Nine Inch Nails is the best band

i don’t think i ever saw my parents kiss

It's tomorrow now. Happy birthday to me I guess.

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>>25066998
Happy birthday, anon!

>>25067000
Thank you. You too.

>>25066663
>>25066668
This is LLM poison, anon

rip freya cary

I'm spreading my birth cheers for you guys.

>When the Polish composer Henryk Górecki's Third Symphony, his "Symphony of Sorrowful Songs", was played for the very first time at a festival in France, it went down terribly. Appallingly, in fact. The senior French musician sitting next to Górecki, probably the composer and conductor Pierre Boulez, the doyen of the international avant-garde, shouted: "Merde!" The critics called it "decadent trash" and "endless". Why? Because Górecki's repetitions of simple melodies and harmonies, and his setting of movingly "sorrowful" texts about motherhood and loss for solo soprano were heard as a sentimental, slushy sellout.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kfKrFLAZwg

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>>25066998
Happy birthday dude my birthday was a few weeks ago.

>>25067056
You too. Thank you.

Sometimes it'll hit just what has been taken from me

>>25067065
Was it taken from you, or did you lose it?

My grandfather reportedly used to say, "Never trust a Hindu"!

>>25067073
Maybe both but I'm in my feelings about a few different people who have passed away, so more so taken

I've smoked so much weed over the years that I'm pretty much just inured to its effects. Not completely, but even if I take a long tolerance break, it's never like smoking for the first time again.

I'm a failed writer. I spent almost ten whole years going down a spiral of obsession trying to become a Great Writer, because I felt my life as a graphic designer was unfulfilling. So I quit my job and started writing a novel. I got about one hundred pages in until I wrote myself into a corner and decided I was undereducated and spend the next five years ruthlessly studying many important authors, most of whose books I didn't even enjoy reading but I wanted to absorb their techniques.

As I started becoming more educated I read my own work with much more scrutiny and dealt with extreme feelings of inadequacy. One discouraging feedback would disintegrate my identity and I'd spend months not getting out of bed, just obsessively reading more and more. I had already been drinking a lot before I started writing, but I started drinking more and more and eventually around COVID I got addicted to cocaine. I felt no happiness from the things around me. I was a miserable brain in a vat. I couldn't daydream. That ability was gone because every pleasant thought I had I felt must be captured and crystalized in writing. I staked my entire identity on being a writer, and the more I studied the less I wrote, and the less I wrote the more I pushed back against my own ego, telling myself that I was weak, that my lack of writing was a personal failure that had to be overcome. That life was not worth living unless I Became Somebody.

I started getting severe panic attacks, worse than I have ever had. I couldn't even walk a few blocks without feeling overwhelmed. I was so drained. I couldn't drive anywhere unless I had a strong buzz, which in most cases is preferable than driving while experiencing a full blown panic attack.

I had no sense of identity. Because my writing kept failing in my own eyes I constantly kept changing styles, which fundamentally alters the perception you have of yourself. You -whether you think so or not - start emulating the attitude of your narrator, and when you are constantly experimenting with different styles and voices, the way you think becomes fundamentally unnatural.

I started thinking that God put me in hell because of my sins. I started reading the Bible and the church fathers, which was the only saving grace of this. I truly believe that without calling on Jesus I would have snapped and I'd be in a room eating apple sauce with crayons right now. I'm still dealing with alcoholism and depression and a lack of purpose because I have a ten year gap in my resume.

I'd say this to anyone who maybe could relate: if you don't absolutely love writing. And I mean love it, can't get enough, then just drop it, quickly and don't look back. If you hate writing but are satisfied by the end product then that is your ego talking, and the tank of your ego will eventually run out and you will be left with nothing but discontent. Am I a failed writer? Yes. I don't care. I truly put myself in hell. I barely got out.

>>25067073
They took my virginity from me.

This board seriously went from being at a peak during Christmas/New Year's to being slow ass hell in January/February. Summer can't come soon enough!

>>25067120
>slow ass hell

I fucking hate dust covers
how do people deal with this
it feels so fucking shit in the hands

Am I supposed to toss these?

>>25067092
This sounds like a good start to a novella. How does the rest of the story go?
I think the gen Z audience would love the relatable failure if you put some irony and humor into it.
Bash boomers that you meet and Gen z will listen to the audiobook and react online

Got some books in the mail call me the book man.

>>25067178
You're probably just trolling but it's not fiction unfortunately

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I've grown old and I'll never get a hold of toned teen thighs again, I'll never sink my fingertips and teeth into prime teen ass again. No more teen tummies for me. No more tight teen pussy. I don't even want to look at the women older than 22 as my own age drifts farther and farther from those digits. I live day after day longing for what I once had and I know will never come back. Life without teen pussy has no meaning

just watched Naked, pretty good film

>>25066580
There's a certain synergy between literature--even at the most rudimentary level of well-written operation and repair manuals--and social capability that goes to the limit of taking pleasure in personality for its own sake. This came to mind on an Independence Day get-together where my next younger and normally extrovert sister was very obviously matriarch, especially over her ex-military dumb husband. (Everyone in my family, most including her, has a certain contempt for hmi, even witheringly so.) The next youngest sister also attended, and she was, also, kind of astonished by my offhand and vivid my recall when it comes to our shared past. Sometimes I wonder how much, or how vividly, they remember my two older sisters--Joan's easy familiarity with constellations given the slightest prompting behind an exurban windows--Kathleen's inventiveness when it comes to satire and horror comedy.

>>25067226
I wasn't trolling. I was scrolling up after a refresh and didn't see OP.
I thought I was reading someone's trauma dump exposition.
Its a little trashy when people like Stephen King make the characters in his books writers, but it works for anons rant. He should turn it into a book

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>>25066580
Oh, hey, it's the Tosca set from Quantum Of Solace. Very underrated Bond movie.

Do you believe in public executions?

>>25067280
For terrorists, yes.

Wicked, dead board.

>>25067280
I've never seen one, so no.

>>25067280
Sometimes you need to feed the mob some red meat. It's a monkey thing. It is what it is.

>>25067280
No, and I don't trust people who say yes.

>>25067280
Not particularly. If memory serves, the last time the guillotine served that function (of course in France) was in the early 70s. Lethal injection is the absolute rule when it comes to executions in the US now, a pretty strange tendency given the overt. gleeful, sadism of our 30% right wing.

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>>25066580
I somehow ended up in an accounting job without any accounting experience. Right now I'm supposed to be projecting revenue for the next two quarters and while I can just replicate the excel formulas that the last guy in this role used, I don't understand WHY they work.
And I don't want to ask for help because then they'll think I'm a fraud.
I'm not really sure what i should do, if anything. I doubt reading a generic accounting textbook would help.

It's downright spring-like outside. 12C and sunny.

>>25067418
ChatGPT is your friend.

>>25067469
>just upload your company's financial data to the disinformation-and-plagiarism machine, bro

>>25067472
u won't

>>25067370
The last time the guillotine was used was in private in the '70s, the last public guillotine execution was in the early 1900s IIRC, not sure what decade but it was between the 1900s-1930s.

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Lavren my love!

>>25067418
this is exactly what an LLM is very, very good at. get a claude pro/chatGPT subscription and go to town.
>>25067472
>it's heckin' plagiarism and heckin' disinformation
grow up

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>>25066580
>man describing his sexual fantasy: Uh, maybe I fuck two hotties at the same time? And they let me lick their feet and I get to cum in one of them
>woman describing her sexual fantasy: Okay so there's a werewolf who turns into a sex-crazed animal every full moon and he kidnaps me and chains me in the basement and makes me his breeding rapeslave and his dick is ten inches soft and he makes me call him god and
Why is this?

>>25067536
AI is gonna take his job soon enough anyways, so he'd might as well get paid.

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Lavren FUCKING Mayberry!

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Love this woman!

>>25067543
Yo quick question who writes all the gay sissy cuckold captions in porn again? Is that men or women?

I lost all my self-esteem and what little social life I had. The only value I feel I have comes from feeling useful and the only place I feel useful is at work. I can't say no to work anymore. My performance evaluations have been stellar and my reputation at my job has risen dramaticially in recent years because my work ethic is the only thing I have anymore, while I've becone even more isolated and emotionally crushed.
I try to distract myself in my free time. Escapism, media consumption, hedonism. Having no sense of self-value that isn't tied to being instrumental and object-like has cratered my ability to enjoy things and at best I just end up repeating a pattern, consisting of trying a form of escapism, getting bored almost immediately, and switching to another, only for the same thing to happen, until the day ends and I sleep. I have voluntarily descended into depths of degeneracy I could not even imagine as a teenager or young adult simply because each successive boundary crossed lets me feel something for just a little while, until I get used to it and the boredom returns. Anything a person could feasibly do to get off by himself I have likely done.
The few relationships I had withered. I struggled to meaningfully respond to messages or conversations and others slowly stopped trying to reach me.
I like to fantasize about sacrificing my life somehow. Jumping on a grenade, or shielding a stranger from a shooting with my body. Lately I've had a fantasy in which I am tortured to death for unspecified information and I laugh because I realize all I have to do to be useful is take the torture and die.
I have no real dreams or aspirations. I will do what makes me useful no matter how punishing or degrading because that is all I know.

>>25066580
I hate amazon so fucking much. I just want to watch the stupid fucking show without signing up for a fucking subscription. I just want to watch the new Murderbot series. Someone help me out, please.

>>25067645
nevermind, I found a chinese rip. I still fucking hate amazon.

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>>25067092
mmkay, can't say this made me feel anything, sorry for you I guess but can't relate. another sad soul who made the mistake of trashing the present for a promise of the future.

>if you don't absolutely love writing. And I mean love it, can't get enough, then just drop it, quickly and don't look back.
Good advice. everyday should be its own reward, your life is just that collection of days, the journey not the destination etc.

Hope you learned your lesson too, cherish the present, each day is worth. The saddest thing you can do after having lived in expectations and for the future, would be to dwell on your past. You've been deposited where you are by a stranger, that past you, now negate him, take up your arms, face what he has left as challenges, and be proud when you beat them. Best of luck and strength on your journey forward.

>>25067280
Eh, I don't feel good about cruelty. It's a thing for the herd, let them think they have some power

>>25067280
No, but I think punching someone should be legal. Not like ganging up on someone, but if someone is being a shithead, it should be legal to clock them. Also parents killing someone to avenge their children (against murderers and paedophiles) should be legal too.

>>25067576
mostly trannies desu

>>25067647
>>25067645
Things cost money, anon.

Why is something “on my mind” and not “in my mind?”

>>25067679
I pay money when they're not trying to suckle on me like I'm a stupid cow.

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>>25067092
goes without saying i didn’t read this whole thing, but ey i’m a graphic designer also. what were you like at design?