Itinerary & Rules:• 10:00 AM GMT, Friday, February 6th — I will post the character and theme requirements below; /lwc/ February 2026 begins.Before the submission deadline, please1. Incorporate the character and theme (creative interpretation allowed) into a piece of writing.2. Format and publish your submission on rentry.co3. Open a reply window to this thread, then type a unique tripcode (Name + "#" + Password) into the Name-field.4. Using that unique tripcode, post your submission as a rentry link in this thread.• 11:59 PM GMT, Monday, February 9th — Submission deadline; voting begins.Note: After the submission deadline, do NOT edit your writing on rentry.Before voting ends, please1. Visit the (not-yet-made) Strawpoll.2. Rank your top 3 submissions: 1st (top) = 3 points; 2nd = 2 points; 3rd = 1 point.3. Do NOT vote for yourself—disqualifying.4. Type the “Name” part of your tripcode into Strawpoll when it asks for a name.5. Immediately after voting on Strawpoll, reply “voted” in this thread, using your full tripcode.6. Non-authors (Anonymous voters) can skip 4–5.Most importantly: Critique your fellow authors on their earnest works!• 10:00 AM GMT, Friday, February 13th — Voting ends; winners announced.For reference, here is last month’s /lwc/:https://warosu.org/lit/thread/24986102
You need to rework your little template and format here...just post the fucking prompts and get the fuck out of the way
>>25068472>You need to rework your little template and format hereI apologize. This roadmap would probably work better as a rentry document.
Sounds fun. Can't wait.
Glad to see yodo quit after that massive blunder last month
>>25068472People have been saying that for a year. The organizer is way too busy jerking off in discord to streamline the template
>>25069538You mean your shitpost not being counted?
>>25070185He fessed up that he only thought it was a shitpost because the language was too absturse for him. He doesn't belong here
>>25070290My apologies if it wasn't a shitpost, I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt.
~Requirements~Character: A character interacts with an animal (or animals).Theme: Teamwork.>[Countdown to submission deadline]https://countingdownto.com/?c=6891149
>>25070308https://rentry.co/sinners-descent-exIf this gets disqualified despite matching the requirements perfectly I swear to G-d I'll go home and cry myself to sleep
>>25070308>a timerThank you!
>>25070393>>25070537Countdown seems broken.
>>25070824Works on my machine
>>25070828Does it? It seems to only give writers a measly three or four days to craft their masterpieces. That can't be right.
>>25070854That's standard. Same as it ever was for the last year
>>25070854Masterpieces? Why would we want those? Slop will do.
>>25070921And who set that standard, exactly? An LLM pumping out a thousand words a second?
>>25070393I don't know, you didn't really write anything for the competition, you just copied and pasted something to advertise your book.
>>25071336What book? I didn't see anything about a book.
>>25071462I'm not going to advertise it for him.
>>25071325the dude who started /lwc/ a year ago. yodo. if you want a longer timeframe you could start another comp.
>>25070308Can the character have sex with the animal?What constitutes teamwork?
A little horror twist.https://rentry.co/omy3be46
>>25071634This sucks so bad I can't tell if you intend for it to be serious or not. It's so bad I can't even be bothered to tell you why it sucks so much.
>>25071513Seems too late for that
>>25069538Ineptia is just as incompetent as yodo is, you could argue even more since ineptia gave up on his own """"""competition"""""" first
>>25071719You know, if you spent as much time writing as you did complaining, you might have actually written something original for the competition.
>>25071719>ineptia >ineptnice>>25072007??? 1. that's not me 2. i am the original author of the submitted original body of text 3. please don't attack me as I am prone to weep>>25071634>The sun loomed through the trees like a data breachwow
https://rentry.co/qhun9o9z
I finally will contribute somethingFeels goodBut don't expect much
>>25068459Consdering this month's shill attempt, maybe add an "original/unpublished works only" to discourage shills. And the OP is alright, but the WHEN/RULES/VOTING and greentext of last month's made it easier to parse things quickly.
>>25072803This but we should disqualify him this month. And if he does another shitpost next time he should probably be barred from entering.
>>25072949>changes his tripYou can't ban anyone. Just require works to be new. He's a fag but I don't think his entry last month should have been kept off the list.
>>25072803>unpublished works onlyBut if you make this a rule I could just use it to advertise a beta read or ARC of my many unpublished manuscripts. I'm for sustaining limited rules, otherwise people will find other creative ways to make us make up new ones.
>>25073896That's why we just need to ban you then you can try to humble yourself change your name and not act like a fag to sneak by
>>25073906That's not me
>said to myself not to do a dialogue heavy one this timehttps://rentry.co/5trn2pcb
My entry:>Bongo's Nutshttps://rentry.co/bongosnuts
>>25071634You cannot write human behavior or even basic phenomena coherently. Practise rotating apples in your mind.>>25072089Couldn't make it past the first sentence. Not going to wade through more wank like that >>25074385Exposition dump in the opening dialogue. I quit there.
https://rentry.co/ren4hyu3I don't understand the format
Here's my entry:https://rentry.co/abirdonthetown
For your consideration.https://rentry.co/AndSoMyGardenGrows
https://rentry.co/ugly-dog
Pretty short story, had to write quickly for this one. https://rentry.co/og8uug95
>>25070308https://rentry.co/4o7v4aysDon't read spoilers till reading.>teamworkI sincerely hope this qualifies in a post-modernist way. I forgot about it, had it in, and accidentally edited it out.
https://rentry.co/qi6d22uwpicrel
>>25077603Don't mind me, I'm an idiot.
https://rentry.co/Id_Vicum_Capit_by_ineptiaAs always, best wishes to all!
The submission deadline has just passed.This month, 13 authors are offering their works for us to read, critique, and vote on—thank you all.I will post the Strawpoll (hopefully) within the hour.
>>25077737Any chance you have a copy of the piece by HM from last month? "TextMeMaybeForever." The Rentry link for it is dead (and so is the Vocaroo link so no recovery via speech-to-text).t. pdf guy
>>25077751HM just submitted 9 posts above—you should ask them, sorry.
>>25077783Good point. Thanks.>>25076607Do you have a copy of your story from last month that I could use in a compilation of the winners? Doesn't need to be a permanent copy, just up long enough for me to download.
>>25077821I believe this is the correct version.https://rentry.co/ff4q2tiy
~Competition~>Whatever !Vyfxi/dpqw — “Honey can't you do this, for me?”https://rentry.co/4o7v4ays>CVDrive !!vnnm14RJF0o — “The sun loomed through the trees…”https://rentry.co/omy3be46>paráklētos !!2RXoRXOGMA2 —A Bird Up On The Townhttps://rentry.co/abirdonthetown>Full Fat Beef !pdu6sIrwJw —Bongo's Nutshttps://rentry.co/bongosnuts>Porète !C/cGUHMV5M —“the cat arrived on a thursday.”https://rentry.co/qhun9o9z>fagheart40 !!v1cgDTiOwNz — “Every day, late in the morning…”https://rentry.co/ren4hyu3>ineptia !!/7cMIiSCHvi —Id Vicum Capithttps://rentry.co/Id_Vicum_Capit_by_ineptia>DGN !neBi1BgA1Q — Bird Brained Wolf Boyhttps://rentry.co/qi6d22uw>ProductionBlues !TB/jHk2It. —Sinner’s Descenthttps://rentry.co/sinners-descent-ex>nmixxee !6PeWn.nTaY —Serious Peoplehttps://rentry.co/5trn2pcb>HM !pPLWO.OBPs —And So My Garden Growshttps://rentry.co/AndSoMyGardenGrows>Delonism !.hoXLNX0hg —Judas Huntedhttps://rentry.co/og8uug95>Duck !mwG/I9iowo —Ugly Doghttps://rentry.co/ugly-dog~Voting~https://strawpoll.com/eJnvVRplmnv>[Countdown to voting deadline]https://countingdownto.com/?c=6898312
>>25077896Thanks, I've got a copy downloaded now.
>>25077553Technically flawed but has a story to tell. Not bad (aside from disregarding the requirements).>>25071634>You will never understand thisThat's true. I still found it pretty cool.>>25075880I'm not usually into poetry and this is no exception.>>25075590Saw that coming a mile away. Still laughed>>25077709Neat
>>25077603This is nice but I think you copy/pasted it twice by accident. Or was that an intentional creative choice?>>25070393Great>>25074385I don't like this one at all. These people are dull and insufferable. >>250766072purple4me>>25077542Genial>>25077364I don't get it.
>>25078150No, that's just me trying to do stuff while I fight a bad cold (hence also fucking up the pic). Fixed it now, thank you.
>>25078687You should've owned it, called it a commodius vicus of recirculation
>>25071634This left me confused, why did he fear for his life?could use some work on the teamwork aspect>>25077553I liked this line They fly inland, the shadow of their metal bird of prey stenciled over the plainsnot all that bad
>>25070393Did you recently vote on Strawpoll?>>25078687>Fixed it now, thank you.Ooph, really not supposed to edit after the submission deadline—though I guess this was more of a crop.You’re not DQ’d, but next time say what you’re going to fix BEFORE you fix it.Hope your bad cold submits soon.
>>25079144My mistake>>25077912Voted (a few hours ago)
Cold is progressing, thanks. Figured no one would mind. Better to ask forgiveness and all that.>>25077553WhateverLiked the tree description. Careful on stuff like the gloves, he puts them on without taking them off.>>25071634CVDrive Not sure I'd call this horror. Deer things self immolating is weird, but we don't have enough connection to feel horror.>>25075880>paráklētosImproves a lot in the second half when it gets so moment. I think it'd probably benefit from a stanza break or two.>>25074714Full Fat BeefA good pun at the end is always appreciated. A little more of Dewey and Brooke would strengthen the whole thing.>>25072089PorèteWhy do you hate capitals?System thinks my post is spam, so splitting it over two.Voted!
>>25075590fagheart40Where did she find a horse fucking video pre-1918? >>25077709ineptiaThe epistolary trick is fun. I think you might be able to do a little more with the Latin, make it a bit of a puzzle? Saving the title for the end works, I think.>>25070393ProductionBluesBeyond being recycled, this doesn't even make sense. Why do we give a crap about these people? Why does the lacrosse team fall under her thrall? Still spam, wtf
>>25074385nmixxeeAn awkward group project, no proofreading, and shoe-horning in the animal? Daring today, aren't we?>>25076607HMGiven the choice, I would genocide all ants. I think bringing the humans in a little earlier would help, they pop up kind of suddenly. Of the descriptions at the beginning, the hookworm/wasp works best, I think. Good contract.>>25077542DelonismWhy is the herd of goats so hard to find that they need to GPS dart one? Several run ons (last sentence of the first paragraph).>>25077364DuckBest shitpost this month. "What? No!" got a chuckle.
>>25079829>Where did she find a horse fucking video pre-1918? youtube, duh
>>25077553On a reread errors popped out like >closing his eyes for warmth but then opening them and seeing his cold hands only to then have a line about opening his eyes after the bench freezing his butt>back leaned forward (unless you meant slouch/sliding down the slippery steel?)>blue jay died rather than was dead>shot them in armpit>etcI think using the red of over drafting to contrast with blue and be more startling against white, or playing with Valentine's and love going cold, would have improved this. As is, really the only one I enjoyed. Fit both the weather and the month's holiday.
>>25070393Much better than expected as far as writing, compelling even but overall the subject matter was just overdone, trite and cruel to what, evoke a cheap emotion? try writing something you aren't comfy with, that doesn't support your twisted view of the world and see if it's better.
>>25079916Would you read an excerpt of The Underground Man and go up to Dostoevsky asking why he's got such a twisted view of the world?
>>25080080You will never be a Dostoevsky.
>>25080424>missing the point this hard
bump
>>25080080Dostoevsky feels like he has a coherent vision, an idea of humanity expressed through the long arc of feeling and action. That/Your story felt like it was attempting to provoke shock and awe through the cheapest form possible, outrage towards animals/loners being hurt. I learn nothing from the troll!
>Whatever !Vyfxi/dpqw — “Honey can't you do this, for me?You should read EB white's style guide. Or atleast read your submission aloud. Story is fine, but its hard to care because it feels like your prose are inbetween gears.>CVDrive !!vnnm14RJF0o — “The sun loomed through the trees…”Everything feels disconnected. No atmosphere>paráklētos !!2RXoRXOGMA2 —A Bird Up On The TownSame with whatever, you should read this aloud. If I do a retarded indian (feathers) voice it atleast makes the stunted syllable structure seem intentional. >Full Fat Beef !pdu6sIrwJw —Bongo's NutsGood at writing characters. You can tone down the biblical language and it would fit the rest of the story better>Porète !C/cGUHMV5M —“the cat arrived on a thursday.”So unbelievably boring. I would be surprised if anyone finished this. I don't care about this cats sharpening behaviors.>fagheart40 !!v1cgDTiOwNz — “Every day, late in the morning…”Competent>ineptia !!/7cMIiSCHvi —Id Vicum Capit I get it. I don't really care for it either>DGN !neBi1BgA1Q — Bird Brained Wolf Boygood>ProductionBlues !TB/jHk2It. —Sinner’s DescentBORING. Not an interesting sentence in the whole thing.>nmixxee !6PeWn.nTaY —Serious People""Let's lock in please. Phil, Buck, please."" I closed the tab>HM !pPLWO.OBPs —And So My Garden GrowsgoodVoted
I don't visit /lit/ often and didn't know this was a thing. I am trying to develop a habit of regularly writing again. I will also write something for this thread, even if it cannot be a part of the contest now
>>25081923You got a "long arc" out of just an excerpt of The Underground Man?
>https://rentry.co/ren4hyu3I skipped a few passages where it kind of lost momentum. You needed some intrigue to hold the middle.>https://rentry.co/Id_Vicum_Capit_by_ineptiaNot bothering with this>https://rentry.co/qi6d22uwSo is Skinny a wolf or what? Also you mixed up some pronouns. Could have been alright. Dropped.>https://rentry.co/AndSoMyGardenGrowsEvery month there is a wistful story about a girl with a brown-coded fantasy name and I skip it. Skipped.>https://rentry.co/og8uug95Finally a fucking story with some NUTS. The imagery can be punchier and you can cut some guff words. Find another way to say goat. >https://rentry.co/ugly-dogCouldn't be bothered to read but I like dogs and there's nothing better so you get third place.Voted
pretty shithouse critiques lads. how about next comp authors have to do one or two in depth reviews? punishment for bare min one liners should be dq or their vote disallowed
I don't know that I need an depth critique on a half-assed flash piece.I don't mind doing 1 or 2, but definitely not doing it on 10+.
>>25084159The issue is I didn't bother to finish it a lot of them, and most of them suffer the same problem that I can just say "your narrative distance is slim, I don't care about your writer's voice. Get your stakes in order and focus on making me FEEL the character. Don't tell me he's sad, make me FEEL the sadness". I will give an example I just read.>Later, after class, he asked me to stay for a while. We spoke for a bit, him trying to probe my mind for whatever made me call him out. I revealed nothing of Thomasin and her bravery. He only nodded at me, the coward, while I laid out all the problems I had with his course. At the end of it, he took a long breath and told me:>Jasmine would never talk to someone she didn't know like this, but it's PhilI swear most of these reads as synopsis/are guys that don't read books. When I say don't read books, is that you pick up a bit of the pacing/structure of scenes. I'm not talking about deep study, but passively. The way ideas/scenes are stretched and unstretched. Here I doubt that.I will show an example; left is one of the submissions. I'm not gonna say who it was. But it's structured like this. Right is Dune Messiah. I picked a random page.It had paragraphs with introspection on a deep/imagery level, action, exposition and imagery, direct thoughts, and action. What I'm trying to say with the one on the right isn't that it's the perfect prose/page in fiction, but the fact that it morphs on both a textual and meaning level. You literally SEE the text block change.
>>25084292I agree with you. The best thing about this comp is the range of people but the worst is how many of them actually lack range. Your point of actually being able to tell a story rather than stating events are happening is apt. I'll even say I go harsher and stop a story in less than a paragraph if they fail to be immersive. Still I much prefer these threads because they have immediate results and put it above the other generals which are idea guys and fragments.
>>25077912>>Full Fat Beef !pdu6sIrwJw —Bongo's NutsSetup for a dumb joke, voice isn't an animal.>But the queerest thing, Bongo thought, was that the tree must have sprouted and taken shape during the course of today’s morning. Even Bongo knew trees don’t normally grow that fast. But he wasn’t one to ruminate on the exceptions of things. Such powers of insight were far beyond his simple, myopic nature. In any case, perhaps he had misremembered. After all, many an oak tree had germinated upon a forgotten nut.What kind of animal knows how fast trees grow?>>CVDrive !!vnnm14RJF0o — “The sun loomed through the trees…”Like a data breach? Do you think that? Do you know anyone who would say that?>She pondered and a group of hooded figures emerged among the emptiness of the state park's darkness and made their way up a hilly hiking trail. They were covered in black cloaks and walked in lockstep—unified in their gait, the strange group disappeared into the darkness of the woods.You should separate it like>She pondered.>He heard mass of footsteps in the woods. They were going down the hill. He heard something strange in their steps; they were uniformed. Like they were marching.>>paráklētos !!2RXoRXOGMA2 —A Bird Up On The TownPoetry for poetry sake. Picrel, I love this poem because it has a much better idea of storytelling. Birds this, birds that got old.The main issue is you're not letting the image bloody land. Give me a concrete image. Sonnet 130 never said "lol mistress is ugly as fuck".>>fagheart40 !!v1cgDTiOwNz — “Every day, late in the morning…”>After a moment of meditation, Grognard inserts his penis into Chevalier's vagina. The horse is considerate of the might of his appendage, stimulating her thoughtfully with the tip. The widow writhes and loses composure. Her eyes twitch and her mouth opens and closes involuntarily. Sweat binds the hay on the ground to her plump buttocks. Grognard thrusts with gusto. The widow gasps. Grognard thrusts again and again, soon the ecstatic wailings tore through the estate. Waitstaff rushed in panic. The noble horse thrusted once more. Stablehands burst through the door. Chevalier whispered "Now finish". The horse thrusted a final time, his member tearing into the stomach of the young widow. She gurgled and spat and twisted and smiled.I saved everyone time.>>Duck !mwG/I9iowo —Ugly DogYOU HAD IT. YOU FUCKING HAD IT. I was enjoying myself>Later that night approaching her door, just before the windowpane, crouching below the frame, through the blinds she was kneeling towards her couch futon thing covered in her hairThen you fucking loss me.Fuck.>>Whatever !Vyfxi/dpqw — “Honey can't you do this, for me?”I hate editing. I want to say I write drunk but I don't. Instead I write it at work in a hurry, in bursts between work.
Going to give some brief reviews to these first, my top 3 will go to these ones, still not sure what order to rank them.>Porète - the cat arrived on a thursdayReally enjoyed this one. Very captivating style, love how you use similes and metaphors here. It's written in a very feminine way which fits well for the story, the lack of any capital letters enhances that feel. Loved the /lit/ metafiction and the similarity to McCarthy's style at times with the polysyndetons. I'm assuming you also mimic Clarice Lispector's style at times but I wouldn't know, haven't read anything by her yet.>DGN - Bird Brained Wolf BoyPretty well written. Interesting premise that could've fallen flat but to me at least it works.>ineptiaVery unique and effective incorporation of the theme requirements. I'm not into fantasy at all but this way of incorporating fantastical themes into the story worked very well, towards the end particularly. Is it a myth? Renaissance hoax? I guess whoever reads it can decide for themselves. For knowing Latin at all I think this deserves a place in the top 3.I was kind of torn between this one and And So Grows My Garden but I think the latter was a bit weak in the first half and only got better later on. It was pretty well written as well.
Voted
>>25084319>What kind of animal knows how fast trees grow? How about one that climbs them every day you fucking retard. How long until you critique me for having talking squirrels?
Whatever— the blue jay is the whole piece & the house built around it is where the doubt lives. overdraft fee as punctuation is the one moment the prose forgets its hemingway inheritance & becomes itself. ending wants warmth so badly it narrates the warmth until the warmth can't land on skin anymore, only on the idea of skin. the bird was enough.CVDrive— absurd & accidental, the deer is the only moment the prose stops performing mccarthy & becomes myth. "flesh melting like cheese on a pie" is where the myth crashes back into the kitchen. wife exists as a question the man won't answer & the blankness reads as unconsidered rather than withheld. deer talks. she doesn't. asymmetry tells.paráklētos— impulse is real: someone saw a bird & felt the vertigo of shared aliveness. but the language keeps reaching for pre-made phrases the way a hand grips a railing when the ground shifts. "just fledgling bird" lets go of the railing & the poem lives for one line. rest is the grip. poems happen in the letting-go.Full Fat Beef— grey squirrel as class traitor & the prose knows it without saying it. "antipodean epoch" proves comedy is precision at such magnification the ordinary becomes grotesque. best-constructed thing in the thread. only criticism: craft kept the door locked so tight the weird couldn't get in. beautifully locked. nothing bled.fagheart40— flaubert's horseback ride taken to its logical conclusion. prose refuses to decide if it's satire & the refusal makes the reader hold disgust & structural admiration simultaneously, which is uncomfortable in the specific way literature is supposed to be uncomfortable, not shock but the reading position itself becoming unstable. "thrusts with gusto" nearly kills it; stomach-puncture yanks it back. liturgical repetition understands horror operates on the frequency of prayer.ineptia— living register, the latin: where the contemporary voice says things its own language won't permit. cleo section, the spit, the "don't forgive me"; that's where ambition goes still & the best writing arrives. "utrique, tota mors vitaque tota" is the sentence the piece was writing toward the whole time. everything else was the approach.DGN— "linguists would say he spoke wolf with an accent" is from a stranger, better story trapped inside this competent one. prose is a session musician playing every beat at the correct interval & the solo is good & no one would remember it six months from now. knife wants to be four things & objects that want four things are usually zero.ProductionBlues— choreographed cruelty, & you can see the choreography, & the seeing is the problem. cruelty in life is erratic, mistimed. this cruelty is always on schedule. but "surely you've got something to live for" exceeds the choreography & becomes autonomous. whole piece exists to deliver that one sentence.
nmixxee— standing over sam, the deer; & breath doing the kissing the mouth won't. "i think it was crying. like it just found out it was going to die one day." hardest line anyone wrote. sam is the only person on the lawn who's seen anything real & the realness is why no one responds. "all five of them agree." deer is the fifth. i've decided.HM— engineering the end of human consciousness, narrated with the same register as tomato descriptions; sameness is the confession. "consciousness is the bug" is the thesis. ananya section (child calling for her father, small thud) is where reading becomes involuntary. you thought you were reading a nature essay. nature essay was the weapon.Delonism— Judas Hunted. spanish carries what the english can't. "que diría si pudiera hablar" exists only in the language of the man holding the dart gun because the operational language has no syntax for the goat's speech, only for its coordinates. bilingual split IS the moral architecture. goat-as-judas is genuine tragedy & the prose trusts it fully, which is rare & right.Duck— five layers of glass between the narrator & the woman (window, blinds, mirror, bangs, tears) & the layers ARE him. "she was looking through the mirror. i was looking through the mirror." recursion is the confession the slurs exist to bury. piece knows this for one paragraph then runs back to the joke. i wanted it to stay in the mirror.
Voted.
I voted.Posting feedback tomorrow through Monday.>>25082503>I will also write something for this thread, even if it cannot be a part of the contest nowLooking forward to it, anon.>>25084501>For knowing Latin at all I think this deserves a place in the top 3.Realized tonight that the word “Utrique” in my “total life and total death” climax-sentence should have been “Utrimque.”My Cassell’s Latin & English Dictionary knows Latin; I’m trying to know Latin, but glad you dig it.By the way, your own non-English aspect was perfecto.~10 mins left to vote, nmixxee, CVDrive, fagheart40, and paráklētos.
Here are the results (if you scroll down, you can see who voted what):https://strawpoll.com/eJnvVRplmnv/results~/lwc/ February 2026 Top 3~>1st, ineptia — Id Vicum Capit>2nd, Delonism — Judas Hunted>3rd, HM — And So My Garden GrowsTo say the least, it’s awkward winning the first month I’m officiating.In order to preempt my persecution complex from haunting me before I go to bed, I just need to state:Even though I’ve had access to the voting results page on Strawpoll since Monday (in order to verify the votes), I’ve kept it scrolled down exclusively to the "Who voted what?" section, purposefully hiding the tallies at the top from myself until after casting my own vote just now.Next time—in addition to adding an explicit rule or two about prohibiting pre-existing and AI works—I’ll make an effort to vote sooner; not at the 11th hour.yodo, if you’re lurking, I hope you’re doing well.Technically the competition has concluded, but that doesn’t mean this thread has to.Our only deadline for further questions, comments, and criticisms is page 11.
>>25071539I have the same question, please respond
complete failure on my part to vote, but wouldnt have changed anything anyway, I swear I had till friday. anyway, lot more this month, great way to spend valentines eve> Whatever gorgeous colour work here (red on valentines day, browns dyed white, snow snow snow), makes me feel like i have synthesia. Dude is going to die from hypothermia, but cares about how his corpse and bank account will look when the authorities find him, funny. His gloves seemed to manifest on and off randomly, is he experiencing that phenomenon where eit's so cold, your nerves are shot and you starting burning instead, your brain panicking about what is real or not? He decides to not let himself die tonight after realising he was the last person to ever appreciate that blue jay, like getting a pep in your step knowing your ex-girlfriend died with you being her last relationship. Good for him. >CVDriveTwo opposing ideas straight up -- that they're in a serene meditative lake, but also, they still have to wait two more years before escaping their current situation, should i relax or "relax". The introduction of the hooded figures should have been separated from her pondering, made it seem like they were observed by her despite it happening in the shadows (or atleast note that you saw them do it while she pondered, "hey! I see you fuckers! doing your dumb shadow routine again!". That's the first time I've seem "timbre" misspelt actually, which is surprising since it's such an obvious candidate for confusion. "Gas can" kinda ruined the occult vibe i was getting from the hoofs and emblems. Great imagery, but no real sense of catharsis for him other than just watch a bunch of guys having a fun Friday night. Whatever they were trying to protect him from by scaring him away from Lake Vesuvius couldn't have been worse than "the group of weirdo pyromanic deer people">parakletosyeah, MUST be nice to not have any responsibilities like paying your damn taxes that FUND THE NATIONAL PARKS YOU PUT YOUR NESTS IN, ungrateful leeches. I had a friend that was on holiday more than he was "at home". Not really a better or worse person per se, but says he still can't sleep on planes. Maybe we weren't meant to fly. >Full Fat BeefI first read it as "Bongo the Grey", damn what a sick intro. A gay tree? A very strong narrator voice, documentary-like, but with language and a demeanor as if the squirrel acted purely on chemical impulses and robotic instincts, ergo, the proof is left as an exercise for the reader. Which is a funny way to narrate what is basically the skits at the start of those Ice Age movies. I feel so bad for Bongo, not even the narrator believes in him...
>Poretefor the topic matter and the contextual references, i expected nothing less from the formatting. she obviously wants it in, cause she's bored and and wants to scroll (but doesn't like twitter or reddit). i actually am pretty good reading all the physical books i get, it's the pdfs and epubs that are left to rot and corrode. aren't most llms now trained on at least a decent amount of 4chan posts? i wonder what's the sweet spot, 1%? 5%? have you watched that video of the cat sitting on a keyboard, a word doc is open, and not only is a single key is pressed (cant remember which one, a maybe) the font size is also getting larger, so it looks like the computer is screaming. it takes like font size 128 before the cat notices, which is embarrassingly long. sorry i couldn't get into the financial metaphors, if it isn't oral histories about how much cocaine a trader did for breakfast in the 80s, i switch off. but sounds like you figured us out. now, do you think you can hold on a bit longer, or sell and get out while you still can? good stuff, but I think you have stockhol(der)'s syndrome>fagheart >>25071539country girls make do>ineptia I currently have a $100 dollar gift card from my work's end of year gift last year. Unused, but the expiry date's ages away. Gorgeous, although that might just be the latin romancing me on valentines day while were alone in the library>DGN Damn, the kid can't catch a break -- mum's dead, and everyone's worrying about the harmonics and pitch of the funeral song. Have you watched the new Avatar movies? "Linguists would.." love it. Thanks for reminding me what that collective noun was. "Y'all" -- love a good old wolf southern drawl, no wonder they don't accept him into their pack, that and the human stuff. Too bad there's no redemption for the wolf pack, or higher goal for Skinny. Did he just want to prove him wrong? but no hidden desires for wanting to be accepted finally by his brothers?, or just a realisation that he doesn't need them anymore and is going lone wolf? Sounds badass, but what is he going to do when he gets his wisdom teeth taken out and needs someone he can trust to drive him home while he's on anesthetics?>ProdBlues"When we usually encounter..." we? Who's we? I thought this was a one way mirror?"Fat chance" - I though her name was Phebe, not Chance? error obviouslyFeels like two separate sections you've cut out to try and piece back together to adhere to the theme. Cmon, I thought you were /lwc/'s bad boy who doesn't play by the rules? Would have been cool if you interlaced them instead -- Slowly inticing Phebe into their web / cornering the cat. Phebe gets hurt and gets the girls in trouble accidently / cat bites out of self defence. Except ends with the girls killing the cat / oh no what's gonna happen to poor fatty Phebe. Hope you get at least 5 bucks of sales, rooting for you
>HMTorn between asexual biologist who sees latin names floating around instead of numbers like the Zack Galifiankis gif, and an aspiring poet who's too romantic for the 21st century world. Chen compares a fungus releasing spores to a similar flower releasing seeds, wow, incredible, please don't ever speak again Chen. Lovely stuff otherwise (unless you intentionally made Chen sound annoying, in that case props). Read very similar to a lot of SCP entries, the grand gesturing for a better tomorrow and the excessive taxonomy, minus the log dates and epstein bars. >Delonism Disgusting word choices, love it. Although, this is Judas slander, he knew fully well what he was doing, that's why we love him. Poor goat is just trying to survive, and instead he's part of another Raoul Silva animal experiment. >DuckWoah woah, cool it with the homophobic remarks. Sounds like you're just jealous of their intimate relationship, or maybe... you're covering up something inside yourself...? Something repressed? Myabe some commas might help? Hmmmmmm? That's $120 for the hour.
Bump
>>25085031Congratulations! These would've been my top 3 too
>>25085031Congrats, everybody, and thanks for the feedback.See you next month.>>25085276Yes, and sex is clearly teamwork. Unless it's with a starfish.
>>25082352I don't think some of these submissions should have qualified. Featuring a team isn't the same thing as having a theme of teamwork. If the prompt didn't mean theme in that sense it shouldn't have used it.
Whatever — “Honey can't you do this, for me?”>>25077553I may be distorting some age-old adage here, but when I read those three, sans-context opening messages, this comes to mind:—The most difficult thing there is: To become anything more than your last unwelcomed truth.—And it’s very appropriate that there is no backstory beyond those gut-punches; any further detail would needlessly tether the MC to this world, when their fate should be totally unmoored.The whole way through, that “metallic bench” was like sitting on a knife’s edge.>-$325.91. My account is in the red on Valentine’s DayYou could even say: Less than three <3Joking aside, this story is told in the past tense, but several present-tense verbs slip through—“is in the red” / “I stay here” / “I wonder what would happen”>My eyes twitched as I shot a glare at him.Swap “him” with “his” to better establish the staring contest.>My eyes…my eyes>A breeze blew…The breeze blanketed>distancing sensation…began to feel distantWord-doubles all within 4 paragraphs.>A drive home…Walking home…Nix a “home.”>made my eyes blurry…I closed them, so they can gain some warmth in my eyelids.“…could gain some warmth under their lids.”(Developing the bank-account idea: Bump up “gain” to “recoup.”)>I saw my fingertips…My fingers reached for the seam of my glove…Others called you out for the when-the-gloves-come-off discrepancy, but I’ll defend you:If you’re wearing tattered gloves, you can see your fingertips.>As a kid I used to play with trees,(An odd “with,” but a very sweet one.)>and it fascinated me to see the number of animals around it.“…playing with them too.”—this IS a child’s perspective, after all.>all of them seem to co-exist within or by a tree.“they all seemed to co-exist around or within their own tree”—a communal “their” bolsters belonging.>[bees] do this by taking what they can, and the world is better for it.I thought about this a lot. It’s impossible to fault honey-making, but surely over-pollination has its downsides? Props to you for putting your finger on so righteous a greed as bees’.>How did they do it?>They had each other. I had this bench.Your angle on the theme was being excluded from teamwork—cut off from relationships and belonging.But the MC found kinship with the bluejay corpse—I just wish there was real cooperation between the two.How can a dead bluejay “team up” with your MC?With this basically being a near-death experience for the MC, have the soul/ghost of the bluejay singing on their shoulder—have them help one another to depart and re-enter this world.We rescue ourselves by hearing others’ cries for help.The 1st-person immediacy of your MC’s perspective is tactile, visceral, and compelling, but only to a point—what you have now is quite repetitive.Stay warm—free rides from me. It’s whatever.
>>25070290>abstursenew woedObtuserefers to a person who is slow to understand (stupid/insensitive) or an angle greater than 90 degrees, while abstruse describes concepts or texts that are difficult to comprehend or obscure. Obtuse implies a "blunt" intellect, whereas abstruse means "hidden" or complex. They are frequently confused, but "abstruse" is for abstract ideas, and "obtuse" is for people.
CVDrive !!vnnm14RJF0o — “The sun loomed through the trees…”>>25071634>Our family had many breeze-filled picnics at its shelter houses…that was before we fell apart.It seems the MC and their partner are on the precipice of starting a family themselves—“I can’t wait, baby”—so I wonder if this encounter will cause the new one to eventually fall apart too.I’m not saying these fiery deer-people (deerple?) are to blame for the dissolution of the MC’s original family, but a similar caliber of unholy-truth definitely is.Maybe it was the disquietude of walking in on a family member doing something they’re not supposed to?I’m sure many cheating moms and dads rationalize their extra-marital affairs through the logic that being unfaithful is what’s actually keeping their families together.Guessing it’s the MC’s mom, with how you had the doe-woman trying to console the MC, but that’s just my interpretation.>and walked in lockstep—unified in their gait,Both sides of your em-dash say the same thing.You should always be building on what you write, so: “and walked in lockstep—as if one creature,”>“Go to the car…I’m gonna find out what it is.”>I grabbed a baseball bat from the trunkKinda silly to tell her to go to the car, when the MC’s going there too—just say: “We’re going to the car!”>I ventured further into the forest to get a closer look.Why?If something is overriding the MC’s survival instinct—curiosity, closure, self-destruction—you need to explain it!You know what shuts up that cliché horror fan that justifiably admonishes “Don’t go in there!” whenever a character goes anywhere sketchy?Motivation.Do what you can to make this irrational act a non-choice for the MC—whether to resolve a childhood trauma; confirm a prophetic dream; etc.—because, as it’s written, the MC has the same motivation to nope out of the park and call the cops as they do vigilante-ing it up.Wait, scratch that—no they don’t; the MC’s leaving their partner alone in the woods? (On Valentine’s Day?!)The ONLY cue you’ve provided for their myopic course of action is the MC’s partner saying, “You didn’t bring your glasses,” but giving it to you for that is beyond charitable.>the holed out home“holed-out”>and whipped my head around faster than a galloping greyhoundNice rhyme and alliteration, Ogden Nash, but does this language gel with your world? With the circumstances your MC finds themself in?Greyhounds are predators, but in this moment, despite holding the bat, the MC is prey—wouldn’t a rabbit comparison make more sense?“and whipped my head around faster than a hare’s ears.”Futhermore, in the description department,>six semi tones(not the “newborn baby” part) and>cheese on a piewere also off.
CVDrive !!vnnm14RJF0o — “The sun loomed through the trees…”>>25071634>>25089617 [cont.]Reminds me of Shyamalan’s “Knock at the Cabin”—the whole “trust us, we’re doing this to save the world” thing—but this isn’t anywhere near as teamworky.>“What happened?”>I didn’t answer.Yeah, it’s hard for the MC to be a part of something (the ritual) when they’re not invited; but it’s even harder when they themselves are’t inviting their own partner.Our actions may never be understood, but they definitely won’t be understood if we never try to explain them—that goes for the deerple killing themselves and the MC shutting out their partner. Good moral, but I doubt it’s there intentionally.“Data breach” and “Lake Vesuvius” (paired with the volcano-laden “Hawaii”) did a great job of portending some cataclysm near the beginning.I’m guessing that all the best prophets had all their best revelations out in the wilderness, so you were already halfway there—the revelation itself just needed to be scarier than suppertime; think “vision,” not “venison.” Still fun to read.
>>25088120Happy belated Valentine’s Day, Heng. It’s nice to hear from you again, and thanks for reading.Have you written anything recently you’d like to share?>>25089315>I don't think some of these submissions should have qualified. Featuring a team isn't the same thing as having a theme of teamwork.I’m not going to be a bouncer when it comes to the content of submissions—the voting process will sort that out.Honestly some of my favorite stories are the ones that *seemingly* elide the requirements, because they force insane and creative interpretations.Who can say for sure “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” isn’t economic allegory?https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_interpretations_of_The_Wonderful_Wizard_of_Oz
paráklētos !!2RXoRXOGMA2 —A Bird Up On The Town>>2507588014 lines; ABABCDCDEFEF*GG rhymes; 10 syllables, 10 syllables, 10 syllables, then all over the place; “bird,” “birds,” “bird,” “bird,” “bird,” “birds,” “birds,” “bird,” “bird-wandering,” “bird.”Poking through Wikipedia, I think this (“Shakespearean measure”) was what you were going for:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonnet#Tudor_and_Stuart_periodBut your iambs fell apart at line 4.The metrical/structural purity has to be 99.9…% or higher to get these things off the ground, but if you’ve done it well once (e.g. your first few lines) all you need to do is repeat.I dig some of your language very much—“Nothing does follow short upon the day”—but the “bird”-pocalypse majorly detracts from it.Whether you use metonymy or metaphor or compounds, call birds other things—“beaks,” “wishes,” “song-makers.”By the way, fashioning such a back-in-time stanza, you’re allowed to do things with your words you otherwise wouldn’t.I’m talking about the asterix I wrote above on the F…F* rhyme—“sought” / “forgotten.”The word you wished you could have used here is “forgot,” but it was actually fair play:>forgot: archaic…past participle of forgot [i.e. “forgotten”] —WiktionarySo embrace the oldy-timey-ness of your poetic voice! It might just do you a favor metrically every now and then.>such is thoughts come migratoryBecause of the linking verb’s proximity to the plural idea, I’d go for “are.”>with the help of these birds made me seek>Of a life short lived yet never soughtYou lost me (also, “short-lived”).It’s good that there’s different answers to the question, “What do the birds represent?” but there’s a moment where mystery fades to grayness and this was it.>I feed bird a morsel of what remains upon the wayReplace “bird” with a gendered pronoun (he/she/they)—I believe a lot of poets used to humanize their subjects or animal-friends in this way.>The wise birds now scatter>Those scattered feathers“Scatter” double>These bird-wandering messengers fight to be heard>And yet I am reminded they are not you or me just fledgling bird.So I get you need to use “bird” singular to pair with “heard,” but this is not the way.Use an em-dash to refocus the subject, also un-passive-ize the voice:“Yet someone tells me: “They are not you nor I—each just a fledgling bird.”I also bumped up your “me” to an “I,” since it’s being treated as a subject, and because it’s very archaic-sounding.I actually found a Shakespeare quote along the same lines:>Oli: 'Twas I: but 'tis not I [As You Like It; Act 4, Scene 3]Really not a fan of your title. The phrase “Up On The Town” doesn’t prepare me for a meditative sonnet, but for spoken-word beat poetry.>paráklētos>Ancient Greek for “helper” —WiktionaryAvis a te certe iuta est.
> CVDrive !!vnnm14RJF0oFeel like it would've been better if you made it a bit longer, with the current length it kind of falls flat, not enough tension built up to create a feeling of horror properly.>nmixxee !6PeWn.nTaYI didn't find the characters as annoying as some people have said elsewhere itt, but I didn't really care too much for them either. Maybe it's just me but low-stakes, mundanecore stories like this to me don't really do anything. The only thing that redeems them is remarkably good prose, intelligent use of language, or if it's very funny. I liked these lines though>The "Go Panthers" banners address no one at all.>The two are almost kissing. Her breath does it anyway, the warmth caressing the pale snout, the vapour escaping her lips melting from the air into the white fur.>"I think it was crying. Like it just found out it was going to die one day."It's well written overall.>ProductionBlues !TB/jHk2ItI don't have a problem with remarkably unlikeable characters that are evil, cruel, etc. but I think it ends up falling a bit flat in this short story format at least. Though I think it's a good way to start your story, as a foreshadowing of how they will behave with humans if they do this to an animal.>Full Fat Beef !pdu6sIrwJwThis didn't really do a lot for me, but it's well written. Good descriptions. Can't really come up with anything else to say.>fagheart40 !!v1cgDTiOwNzFirst read through didn't find it funny at all but for whatever reason it's funnier to think about it now.>paráklētos !!2RXoRXOGMA2This also didn't really do a lot for me. I'm not that much into poetry so I couldn't say very well what are the weaknesses or strengths, only that it feels rather bland imo.>HM !pPLWO.OBPsGood prose but like I said on a previous post I think the second half is better. Maybe I'm just a brainlet, but the first half felt a bit tedious with the extensive description of tomatoes, worms, birds, etc. Perhaps a very talented writer can make something like this work for a short story and manage to make it interesting but for me it was kind of a slog. Though at least it seems like a good base for how the story continues, the second part was much stronger imo.>Duck !mwG/I9iowoA far better example of absurdist humor, I actually found it pretty funny, this line in particular>“we gotta do something about that faggot dog.”So ridiculous and absurd but I love that kind of humor.>Whatever !Vyfxi/dpqw — “Honey can't you do this, for me?Overall decent. I think despite some grammatical errors and a few awkward mistakes it was ok. Good description. Good characterization of someone in between complete desperation and defeat and great indifference to his situation.Btw, to the people that liked my story, what exactly is it that you liked? I was not expecting second place at all. Is it the feeling it evoked? The prose? A unique use of the themes? Thanks for all the kind comments, I really enjoyed writing this one.
