Even going as far as becoming the exact opposite of what you wanted to be.I sacrificed my dignity for financial security.I went down the normal route. I got a job, and I did my best to save money. Now I have a sizable amount of savings that could let me go full NEET for a year or two, yet that wouldn't solve my problems, and the person I have become is not even a shadow of what I wanted to be, but the exact opposite. I still live with my mom, creeping around corners to ensure she's not home so I can masturbate in peace. Never having a girlfriend and being without real life friends, I am completely isolated and socially malnourished. My routine is to wake up, go to work, go home, and then entertain myself on the internet until I need to prepare for the next workday. Weekends are the same, but with more time for sleep.
>>25090696I don't drive, and even when I tried to spend more time on "respectable" hobbies like hiking and reading, I did all of that alone. To make matters worse, I don't like my job. I wasn't given much instruction in some of the subtasks, and while I learned how to do them correctly and efficiently, I still made some pretty hard mistakes. Mistakes that can bite me in the ass later. My manager has a very passive leadership style, leading to him only interacting with his employees when he has to exercise authority or discipline over them. While I am trying to leave the job, I think from his perspective I can be seen as an incompetent subordinate. Which I hate because it's one thing to be on a receiving end of a hierarchy, but it's even worse if there is some justification for your own self-flagellation. I shouldn't worry too much, as it's not like it will destroy society, but I'm sick of feeling like a loser.By the time I hit 30, I wanted to have a decent exercise routine, a job I was mildly proficient at, and a minimally healthy social life.Instead I became the most isolated, humiliated, permanently adolescent version of myself; all to try and keep a job I am willing to walk out on without an alternative.
>>25090696the elite that run the world set things up to be like this for the hoi polloi. It's not your fault.
>>25090720Yes, a totalitarian cabal of evil cultists is the thing preventing OP from going outside and talking to people.
>>25090727there is no 'going outside and talking to people' anymore, everyone exists through performative social media.
>>25090730post chin
>>25090720Maybe. There are two weird things about my state of being though.The first is that I am able to confirm this is 100% of my own making.I had a plan for what I needed to do over several years, I ended up not doing what I intended to. I reminded myself multiple times of what I needed to do in order to avoid this state of affairs, and ignored my own reminders, and then my life structure fell into disrepair. I'm actually kind of proud of how the entire situation was under my control, even if I failed to meet my own standards.The second observation is that I'm not even that emotionally destroyed by it. Upon self reflection, I thought I would be going through periodic emotional breakdowns, crying about how I hate my life, yet right now I fell an odd sense of indifference; hollowness.It's a strange type of rationalization that makes the emotions cancel out. While I might be bummed about not being the person I wanted to be at 30, I also can see the happiness gained from my deviations. I'm alone, out of shape, and in a workplace I'm absolutely sick of, but I got a decent amount of financial stability, and a chance to consume modern entertainment without to many material downsides. I wasn't my best self, but I received the pleasures of the bugman so it cancels out.
>>25090733post op
>>25090696>and being without real life friends, I am completely isolated and socially malnourishedunironically get into magic the gathering
>>25091158I tried, but I didn't like it.How easy is it to get into D&D?
>>25091168not that easy since you have to find a playgroup that you can meet regularly and consistently with for hours at a time
>>25091172Yeah, that sounds hard.What can you even do in the real world with other people that is recreational with medium levels of commitment?
>>25090696How old are you? I was a virgin until 26. Now, I always had friends, I think I've always been physically good looking but I always had the tism. I had done tons of shit with my friends but obviously never had any pictures. I setup a camera and took weird candid pictures of myself fishing and shit to put on Tinder. Fucked the first overweight bitch who matched with me, she was a cunt and had stretch marks like the meme I could barely get hard. She even asked me if I was a virgin when I was trying to fuck her and I obviously said no, you always lie about this shit dude. I ended up cumming on this fat pig of a woman and lost my virginity. I met several more less fat and more hot girls on that app and fucked them. Went to Ireland with my boys and fucked some English cunt out in the wild. Eventually I got some mid homely looking girl to be me gf, eventually broke up with her for not understanding my edgy autist humor and then found the love of my life on Hinge at 29 having lost my virginity at 27 and fucked 10+ cunts in between then. Now I'm about to get married. My friend the future can be bright but you have to really try, You know exactly what you have to do, simply do it.
>>25090696>always wanted to be a chill guy>refuse tο show stress during work day or around friends>usually drown my sorrows by drinking heavily or getting high on the weekend>the moment I turn 30, this stops working>begin having several-hour-long crying sessions once a month or so>not sure how much longer I can keep my facade upI refuse to admit I hate myself but damn do I hate whatever fucking depression/anxiety/etc that causes this
Get a new haircut but a new pair of shoes and move to a different city. You can be anyone you want to be, you’re choosing to be a pathetic fag.
>>25091314>You can be anyone you want to be, you’re choosing to be a pathetic fag.Yeah, you're right.The greatest hurdle right now is comfort. I don't like what my life has become, but it's not painful. Most of the time...
>>25091339It happens. Most people settle with what’s comfortable and easy.
>>25091347And so they will live mediocre lives, and die with regrets.Then, the real choice is: do I enjoy a comfy life that's ultimately humiliating and a source of self and social disgust, or should I take a risk doing something exciting that will bring my short existence meaning?
I will respond to you tomorrow OP. It is late and I must sleep, but I knowexactly what confronts you.
>>25091395Aight.Good night bro.
>>25090696>I still live with my mom>I became the most isolated
Notes From Underground showed me a mirror into my old self. Granted, I had already began the path of escaping NEETdom. I liken it to the beginning of the movie Oldboy when he is trapped in the hotel room for years. You need to make an escape plan. Life is better when we pretend. You need to start believing someone is trying to trap you there.
>>25091175WeightliftingJudoLearn an instrument and join or form a bandForm (important here, as most are dogshit) a book clubFind an obscure game and play it with othersSoccer clubSportsball in general if you can stomach that shitTutoringMultiple jobsGet a dog and take it to the parkLiterally anything you are not currently doingCrucify your Antichrist.
>>25090696>>25092121Sorry, you asked for a book.Towards the Rising Sun - William Gayley SimpsonThe Phantom Tollbooth - I forgetZen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - Robert Pirsig (ignore the haters [ie. The Niggers])The Pilgrim's Progress - I forgetAlso, if you like music as I do, I recommend making playlists and naming them schizo esoteric names for fun. I have a whole series of "The Pilgrim X whatever" good fun.
>>25090720>the hoi polloiAnglospergs trying Greek to sound smart is so ridiculous. "Hoi" is a Greek article, it's like saying "the the many". Do you realize how stupid that sounds to the ear of someone who actually knows Greek?
>>25090738Can I ask you what you wanted to be at 30 anon? I mean, I don't see much of a problem or a need for change if your current self doesn't cause you unbearable mental pain. Maybe this person you thought you should be was a fiction all along, and you were not that much into it, or subconsciously never took it seriously enough.
>>25092227I wanted a balanced respected lifestyle.Routine exercise without being a gym hobbiest, a job I liked that I was good at that paid the bills and let me put some money aside, and some friends that I hang out with occasionally. A girlfriend would be nice too; and she wouldn't have to do tradwife shit since life is too hard for specialized gender roles. We'd just do our best to make things work in a sick world.
>>25091168It’s literally as easy as getting into magic. Go to your friendly local game store where you would play magic, there is a 99% chance they have at least one weekly open table game you can attend. Fifth edition sucks and the regulars who play there are likely to be low tier individuals, however you can get acclimated with the game and then broaden your horizons. They are welcoming to players with little to no experience because they want to sell you figurines and books. Don’t worry about that, have a little bit of self awareness and it is likely you might find an invitation to a home game with the more competent and mature players. If not, try another shop! D&D is very easy to get into, just don’t get bogged down by the theater rejects who happen to lurk a lot of open 5e games.
>>25090696ktim
