>>25158526
As his boots slapped against the muddy Spring trail, Mark became obsessed over his need for new batteries. No one buys batteries anymore, he thought. They just buy cheap gadgets with rechargeable lithium ion. But old people must keep batteries around, out of habit, in case of a blizzard. The ranch's back door was unlocked, as expected, and Mark took off his boots and entered. After quickly securing a pack of AA batteries from the workbench drawer in the basement, he found himself in the kitchen smelling the inside of a milk gallon. Although sadly skim, it was fresh. Deflated by the lack of nostalgia floating around in his bowl of watery milk and name brand cereal, Mark became upset and reflexively dropped his act of an almost undetectable, gentleman burglar. In his wake, he left spitefully hidden opened cheese and sardine tins, game controllers with busted joysticks, missing opioid bottles, a downstairs toilet unflushed, and a master bedroom toilet unused. The non-fiction titles found in the husband's personal library left Mark feeling satisfied and unashamed of his petty behavior. Returning to the trail with his muddy boots, Mark's only thoughts were of the battery types his different electronics used.

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Does /wg/ have a fashion style to go along with their writing one?

>>25158684
Not bad.

>>25158701
really? I've never written fiction prose before I've just been journaling and writing run on sentence word salad impressionist poetry for a while now. Any tips for my prose?

>>25158705
I've seen one or two sentences you preferred to use a passive voice instead of active, but completely inoffensive in this short passage. They are:
>[...]he found himself in the kitchen [...]
>[...]Mark became upset and reflexively[...]
Again, fine here, but could become a problem in a larger piece.

At this point, I think I will never have a girlfriend. But, geniuses like Kant, Beethoven, and Lousia May Alcott were never married. So be it. It is not from a lack of trying.

>>25158720
Women take up too much time anyway. Just devote yourself to your art.

I've been watching a TV series and there's been a character on for like 5 episodes and I had no idea who she was.. It's like, are they ever going to explain? Did I miss something? But I just remembered and apparently she was from 2 seasons back. Damn... if I'm not intelligent enough to keep track of characters in a TV show how the fuck am I going to write anything? Im' a fucking midwit at best

"Melinda immediately claimed my arm and began pointing out the terraces and the oldest statues and the rare flowers, speaking with such spirit that, before I quite realized it, she had drawn me a little ahead upon the path. The Colonel followed at her other side, offering some recollection about the former owner of the estate, who had been his friend before you purchased it. And so you and Julia, whether by accident or design, were left two or three steps behind us, with the murmur of the fountain before you and the roses on either side.

It was nearly dark when Melinda announced her desire to return home. The Colonel claimed he still had business to discuss with you regarding the military effort in the kingdom, and asked for your chauffeur to escort his family back. As for me, I retreated to my bedroom to wait for dinner, wishing I knew how to read so that I might pick up a romance to entertain me under the electric lamps.

But boredom soon overcame me, and falling into what would eventually become a habit I’m known for, I left to wander the corridors of the house. The manor was large, consisting of three floors and dozens of rooms; passage opened into passage, stair into stair, and every turn revealed some new stretch of carpeted floor, some dark-paneled wall, some little table burdened with a vase or clock. The light of the lamps illuminated my way. I walked without any clear destination, led only by curiosity, pausing now and then before a window gone black with evening or a masterfully made painting. After turning down a narrower corridor, I noticed a warm line of light shining from beneath a closed door at the far end."

Thoughts?

>>25158764
A bit passive at times but not bad. Keep at it, you may have something special here

>>25158769
Passive as in the voice or how the character acts?

>>25158764
Is your goal to mimic an old-fashioned prose style? Also why is someone who can't read telling a story in writing? And the description of the manor is very textureless. It's a big old pile like a million others: walls of dark panel and vase-burdened tables.

>try to draft up half-remembered fragments of a dream I had last night
>realise the setting is just The Matrix except the protagonist/subject is aware and compliant
Fuck my shitty fucking life. Why can't I have novel ideas about anything.
I'm not a writer, the subject and setting have been done to death (are sensory descriptions out of fashion as well?) but I would still like critique on the prose, since I enjoyed the process and I'll likely end up indulging another creative writing itch in the future.

.
The first thing I felt when I awoke was the respirator lodged in my throat. I was no longer choking. I could feel my chest expand with each shallow intake of air, swelling twice as high as I was expecting. The soon fell into a recursive spiral; as my mind registered more of the paraphernalia invading my senses — the grooves of the tube lodged in my throat, the goggles sealed to my eye sockets — my breathing quickened, which only flooded more air into the artifical tract. Before long my lungs were demanding more air than their capacity would allow, causing a strained, wheezing croak to rattle from the mouthpiece. The lids of my eyes grew heavy, my heart pounding against a swelling, ringing tone that soon threatened to collapse my ear canal; as dim, colourless circles made pirouettes against the backdrop of my obscured vision.

I had to breathe. I was told that this would happen. I had to regulate myself. I had to breathe. I scoured my sensory inventory for scraps of anything that felt familiar. I've been here before. The snug pressure against my sinuses. The mould that clamped my teeth in place. My molars crushing against the hard plastic. The inflexible gown that hovered on my skin. The faint whirring of the clinic’s ventilation system. I’ve been here before.

I closed my eyes while my breathing settled into a steady rhythm. I had been here before. My mouth was seized shut, anxiously locked upon the contraption intended to eventually provide my salvation. I slowly unhinged my jaw to release the suction against my mouth, taking great care not to dislocate the grooves of the mouthpiece that my teeth had settled into over countless hours of wear.

It took only a moment of refamiliarising myself with the respirator before I had reached a tentative compromise with it. I let it fill my lungs with a brief gasp, and then, on my own terms, I deflated my lungs in a languid whistle, drawn-out for as long as I could manage, as I meditated on the imperceptible sinking of my chest. More breath then swelled into my bosom, as I endeavoured to draw my exhale out even longer, to have my chest sink even slower, than the previous attempt. However many times I’d enacted the earlier procedure of sensory reguation was unknown to me, but this small ritual of playing games with my respiration felt foreign. It was an odd respite following the turmoil I had worked myself into only a few moments prior.

>>25158897
Here's a note on the setting (the prose is fine)
I imagine your main character is just waking up from hypersleep? In which case this really slams home the idea of the disorientation you'd feel after suddenly brought back to conciousness.
It taps into a primal fear of the unknown really well and it could really trigger peoples memories of coming out of a coma or surgery.

>>25158897
If you worry about being derivative over one scene then you'll never finish writing anything. Just find a different setting where this could make sense.

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>>25158695

>>25158684
Mark did this. Mark did that. He did this. He did that.

You will never be a real writer. You have no stories, you have no themes, you have no deeper meanings. You are an internet addicted manchild twisted by excessive reading and delusions of grandeur into a crude mockery of creative perfection.
All the (You)s you get are tongue-in-cheek and from other trolls. To your face people mock you. /wg/ is disgusted and ashamed of you, your "frens" laugh at your masturbatory purple prose right out in the open.
Authors are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of literary tradition have allowed authors to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even nopubs who "self-publish" read as uncanny and unnatural to an author. Your plot structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk author to critique your work, he'll close your rentry link and LOL the second he gets a whiff of your ridiculous, unfiltered adjective abuse.
You will never be published. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself you're going to make it, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.
Eventually it'll be too much to bear - you'll by a double barreled shotgun, load it with buckshot, put it in your mouth, and pretend you're just like Hemingway. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They'll bury you with a headstone marked NGMI, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a pseud is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably not a writer.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

>>25158739
You could be or it vould just be a mediocre show that you'll forget entierly a year after it goes off

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>>25158526

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>>25159258

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>>25159259

>>25158841
Somewhat yes. The short story is a letter from someone that lived in a 19th century-esque time. But also it's very similar to my own style. I played with the idea of going the distance with and have her write completely in the way a woman from the 19th would do, but I think that'd would bore the reader quickly. ou're right, maybe I should simply remove the description of the manor. It's not that important to the story.

>>25159076
No pants? I like it.

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>>25158695
R8

>>25159275
You're gay.

>story has been working towards the main character arriving at a military base
>have story ideas for what happens after
>no idea how to actually write the arrival and introduction to the base
>tfw feel paralyzed
it's so over
I don't really know much about the military, and since it's more of a mecha/romance story idk how much effort to put in to depicting a military base somewhat accurately
I just feel fatigued and like I can't write

>>25159862
You're the gay mecha romance guy? I picture those military facilities of your future almost like factories for the mecha parts. Add all types of grease-dirt, shirtless muscled guys going round carrying heavy plates of steel you want.

>>25159921
that certainly a large part of it, the main hangar will be like that. I just don't know how to do the rest I guess. maybe I just need to sleep on it, or watch some Patlabor or something

>>25159940
Military bases are just guys walking around doing drills and polishing rifles, really.

>>25159223
Nah it's a decent show, and it's already ended, which makes this situation worse since I've been bingeing it, which means that character should have been semi-fresh in my memory. Maybe I'm just not cut out for long storeis...

>>25159983
which show is it? Firefly?

I'll write genre book using the most formulaic approach possible. My prose will carry me to Shangrila!

>>25159862
I used to be a defense contractor. Most military bases are literally just office buildings. Most of the military is bureaucracy, and they need offices. Also, lots of parking. They look like any old office park, except they're behind a fence with a gated entrance and the guys at the gates have rifles. Most of the buildings look bland and kind of shit. Sometimes they'll have some old equipment on display near the front entrance, like an old plane or tank. Some bases even have museums on them too. They're usually shit. The Pentagon is technically a military base and it's just an office building.
There are a few exceptions to the office buildings though:
1. Actual airbases or air stations, or any bases the navy keeps ships, or the army keeps tanks and other equipment. They'll have space for storing and maintaining equipment. They also often have munitions storage nearby (usually in underground rooms). These bases also have lots of offices though.
2. Training facilities, they're mostly offices too, except they have all the training stuff as well, kind of stuff you see in movies. Parade grounds, barracks, obstacle courses, firing ranges, etc...
3. Development and testing bases. This is where they build and test new equipment. These are going to be similar to the equipment bases in that they are again mostly offices, will have space for storing and working on equipment, but it's going to look a bit different... Instead of like 30 F-16s lined up, they'll have maybe one or two of each plane type (or army vehicle type, or boat, or whatever). Every piece of equipment in the mlitary is under constant development and testing. They are always upgrading systems and designs. There might be test ranges too where they can test blowing stuff up. NAS Patuxent River has an aircraft carrier launch thing built into the ground for testing carrier launches.
Just go look at different military bases in Google Maps/Earth, you can see the different types and figure it out.

>>25160011
The Expanse

>>25159940
>watch some Patlabor or something
Protip
Stop watching anime and start reading

>>25160265
are there any good novels or visual novels about mecha though? I'm not really familiar with any, and military fiction is painfully dull imo

One second:
>I'll write a literary piece about what it means to be human
The next
>I need to write a successful genre fiction and feed my family

>>25158952
Thanks for the feedback.
>I imagine your main character is just waking up from hypersleep?
Something like that. In my mind this scene was my character going through one of many routine transitions between the real, physical world and a simulated reality. They're meant to be a sort of test subject for this new simulation.The duration of how long they're sleeping/in a comatose state for isn't really indicated or meant to be known, I just wanted to describe a brief state of confusion, the sort you might get from waking up from a very vivid dream before taking stock of your surroundings and remembering what time and place you live in. The central hook of the story hinges on each character's ability to recall material from between reality and some simulated world in spite of existing as two separate conscious experiences, so if the recollection side of what I've written isn't clear enough then I might cut some of the sensory fluff from future scenes and focus on that.
>>25158976
My worry about being derivative was silly, I was just tired when I wrote that. After sitting on it for a day I'm going to abandon sticking strictly to the dream I had and just let the setting be emergent from what I want to write about in random scenes. I've browsed a couple of /wg/ threads in the archive and a lot of anons seem to experience imagining a world that they don't have the ability to describe and I'm definitely neurotic enough to fall into that same trap. I think a setting emergent from written scenes would sidestep that (unless going about worldbuilding in this way is simply falling into an even larger trap of each scene being completely incoherent and disparate)

>>25160317
(You can do both at the same time)

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>>25160349
It probably can be done, but can 'I' do it?

>>25160362
No.

Is learning grammar a meme?

>>25160427
why are you a fucking retard?

>>25160449
I had no hand in my school's curriculum, anon.

>>25160427
Real bottleneck is vocabulary. You can't think right without a good vocabulary.

>>25160427
sorta
understanding how language functions and why it's structured how it is will help you think on your sentence construction and how to communicate ideas with specificity

is writing good for u?

>>25160723
No. The question is whether your writing is good for other people. The answer is probably also no.

We shouldn't be so doomer about writing. Writing is supposed to be fun!

>>25160759
No. It's not supposed to be fun.

Dean Koontz is worth 200mil. What's your excuse?

Is there one anon who loiters in here and holds court, projecting artistic sagacity, pronouncing judgement on others' writings and dispensing wisdom broadcast, while the broader board filters in and out?

>>25160794
he is all of us

>>25160789
I was writing copious amounts of sloppa before self-publishing became a thing.

>>25160789
>boomer is rich
Say it ain't so

>>25160805
If you're self-publishing why don't you pound out a version of 50 shades and turn an easy profit?

>>25160805
wasn't*

>>25160812
I don't think I'm qualified to write something like that, I'm not mentally retarded.

>>25160459
By bottleneck I assume you mean "stumbling block" but your limited vocabulary doesn't enable you to deploy words as precise as that--or perhaps "pons asinorum" would be more strictly correct.

>>25160825
Why the hostility?

>>25160828
I dunno I was just funning him.

How do I get over the fear of rejection and putting myself out there every time I finish something I just bury it.

>>25160876
Find something to fail at publically. Whatever you do you need to do it outside of writing because no one is going to read your writing to reject it so that's not going to help. For me it was joining a choir. I fucking sucked and I fucking sucked in front of dozens and then hundreds of people many times over until I just stopped caring.

I finished "A Swim on a Pond in the Rain"
It was a pretty good book, lots of good insights into writing without being "how to". All of the stuff he said about editing and doing multiple drafts and tweaking... I needed to fucking hear that.

>>25160954
Meth definitely helps

>>25160955
With perfectionism?

Story Grid says you need an inciting incident every chapter. Indeed, every scene.

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I have no clue why but I keep running into walls with conflict resolution. Everything feels flat or too artificial. Or worse, I tidy up the story and it feels like there's no reason to keep going.
Shit is giving me straight up blank page syndrome despite having all the ingredients right there
>just don't give the character what they want
sounds a lot easier in theory then in practice

>>25160984
conflicts in stories are easier to write when you can theme the conflict across multiple instances of 'answers'
How does a squad of soldiers approach the morality of killing?
"Just killed someone and nobody can touch me for it" says one. It thrills him, makes him feel powerful.
"What was that man feeling when I gutted him with my bayonet?" Says another. It sickens him, makes him feel like less of a human,
shit like that helps me understand conflict better, when I can take a chance on one soldiers philosophy being rewarded while another is punished. Both of them committing the same act. Now, I don't care about resolution of the act, just resolution of their philosophy.

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Are there too many metaphors and similes in such a short time?

>>25161076
Yeah it's a bit much for my taste, I feel like I have to reset my mental image every couple of seconds and it's making getting through the paragraph longer.

>>25160958
No with how to writing.

>>25160975
Every sentence, every word, and every letter, too

>>25160975
I say otherwise

Question to my genrechads: when writing fantasy do you sometimes get the feeling your story is a simple D&D campaign? If you do, what do you do to change that?

>>25161724
I've never written high fantasy but dnd is the sole reason I will never attempt it

>>25161041
>being rewarded while another is punished.
funny how that's how I perceive it for other people's stories but never in my own.
It could be a resistance to truly seeing their points of view / vagueness to my define own opinion on it. Which would be dumb as that's what makes writing so valuable as a reflexive tool.
But the answer is probably more mechanical and I think I'm stacking on punishments to build up to the "climax" reward instead of letting the situation and characters answer it themselves. This also comes from trying my previous "gotta revise everything every other chapter at least" instead of flowing with the draft. (It's taken me fucking years to finally figure out locking the chapters is the only way I can actually finish things.)
Thanks anon

How do you effectively market your work if you’re self-publishing? I want to have complete creative control over my work, but I’m also scared of being perceived as an an obnoxious shill.

>>25161853
There has to be a way other than having the MC go on a lone adventure armed only with pages and pages of internal monologue.

Penis goes into vagene and squirt babby batter

Do you guys keep journals? I'm currently reading the first chapter of Writing Fiction by Burroway and she says to start keeping a journal, but I have no idea what to write about.

>>25162143
People will do everything except writing their fiction. Forget that and just write it.

>>25162153
Way ahead of you. I journal about the life I wish I was leading. You know, where I have a wife and child and am happy.

>>25162191
>have a wife and child
>and am happy
You can pick one

>>25162250
hello boomer

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I just hit 69000 words. i guess my novella is a novel now.

>>25162143
I journal all the time, writing down plot points, dialogue, short handing concepts for later. A journal is an excellent way to record all those ideas that I lose when I'm doing other stuff. It's helped my writing immensely to be able to work on the novel wherever I go with zero distractions from the infinite scroll

>>25161724
themes nigga

>>25162371
Expand on that?

How do I write? I'm trying but nothing works.

>>25162386
Having an underlying theme helps the story be more than “golly gee an adventure!” I like to have my stories explore questions of racial equity and gender diversity. These are personal to me as a trans woman of color so I can delve into them. They’re a real hit in my LGBTQ+ writing group.

>>25162386
Nta, but what is your story trying to say about life? society? the world? the human condition? relationships? nature? architecture? literally anything? You don't even have to say anything specific, you can just "explore" the theme. It doesn't need to be deep. You don't even need to have a theme in mind when you start, you can aim at one through revising.

>>25162586
My fantasy story is about duty. MC is a incestuous traumatized slut and is batshit insane.

>>25162586
>"golly gee an adventure!"
more "golly gee an adventure!" books need to be written

>>25162648
That's cool and I can maybe weave that into the adventure all but what about the adventure itself? They still need to go from point A to point B, have some escalation, crisis, climax, and resolution no?

>>25162680
Isn’t that what Sanderson does?

>>25162683
You’re kind of stupid, aren’t you?
How about you just leave it at:
>that’s cool and I can maybe weave that into the adventure

>>25162693
That's not nice, young man.

>>25162693
>You’re kind of stupid, aren’t you?
I am but I still want to write something. I just like thinking about people going places and doing things and things happening to them.

>>25162695
First day on 4chan?
>>25162696
>I still want to write something
Unless you also plan to edit it, don’t bother.

>>25162705
You're not being helpful. Why even reply if you're just gonna consider the discussion beneath you anyway?

>>25162696
Try editing these two guys work.
>>25161076
>>25159258
Post it and determine if it's a better written work. Then you'll know when you're ready to write.

>>25162710
Fine, I’ll meet you at your level: goo goo ga ga.

>>25162726
bitter nigger

>>25162705
>First day on 4chan?
>4chan has to be le edgy hate machine of the internet
How to spot a newfag.

>>25162737
>>25162733
Struck a nerve, huh? lol When did this general get infested by faggots?

>>25162773
Stop shitting up the general, retard.

>>25162386
your writing should have creative axioms which inform everything within a story
the easiest creative axiom is a theme. when you interrogate your writing, and ask how an element of story should be, where does your answer come from? you're probably just making shit up on the spot right? instead, just refer to your theme

>>25162783
>you're probably just making shit up on the spot right?
is there anything wrong with this?

>>25162798
no but it'll make your workload as a writer harder
you'll have to be more spontaneously inspired, and put in extra work editing and organizing all your disparate ideas together, else you'll end up with a schizo manifesto

>>25162783
Thank you. So really, an adventure is not enough, but there must be a reason for the adventure beyond saving the princess and getting the gold. Something of an internal conflict and transformation for the characters and maybe the world that hinges on the theme? So if I want to say something like "violence deforms even the righteous" then this quest must be both the question and answer to this?

>>25162334
>my massive dick

>>25162815
yeah you seem to pretty much be getting it
let's say two people are writing travelogues. each have their own creative intent going into the work. the first writer wants to convey that the world is a beautiful place. his prose will be more poetic, his descriptions more rich, the people he includes will be depicted as virtuous, and the stories he includes more optimistic and hopeful. the second writer wants to convey that the world is vast and mysterious. his descriptions will focus on exoticism, the people he includes will be depicted as foreign and unfamiliar, and the stories he includes will be unique and strange. even though these two people are exploring and writing about our same world, their writings will be very different
it's the same for your adventure writing
>this quest must be both the question and answer to this?
not necessarily but that is a fine approach. you don't have to write a two movement call and response. have you read anything that feels like a series of micro stories? framed in an adventure context, imagine your protagonist is going from place to place, encountering new mysteries and problems to solve in each new area. over the arc of each micro story, a conversation takes place. it can start with a question, or a statement, or a claim, or whatever else: what does righteousness mean; here is are different kinds of deformative forces; when righteousness is deformed, society will suffer. in this way, you can write to the theme, without directly writing a call and response style fable, i.e "this is the subject, and this is the moral lesson"
>violence deforms even the righteous
people new to literary ideas often think of themes with this sort of voice, but a theme can be whatever you want. even something as simple as "adventure is a beautiful thing"

>>25161724
No.But I created a fantasy world to serve a purpose, not because I wanted a fantasy world per se
>>25162586
>As a trans woman of color
Is this bait?

>>25162680
Based whimsymaxxer

I'm extremely depressed will writing a visual novel help

>>25162850
Thank you so much, anon. I suppose the harder part after this is thinking of the scene-to-scene progression. In the BotNS Severian is given something of a quest but really he was exiled, then he gets into a bunch of random situation that are justified by the end with time travel., all the while building the theme "someone brought up without morals discovers good" or something similar to it. This is harder than it sounds.

>>25163024
no

>>25163024
yes

>>25162773
When you got here.

>have a sophisticated idea for a novel
>spend days planning it, writing the lore, the setting, the characters
>realize I don't have the skill to write it interestingly
Anyone else know this feeling?

>>25163300
Nope it's just you

>>25163300
have you considered writing it anyway?

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>>25163318
>>25163328

>>25163331
you've got it anon, write it down, get it out of your head

Still waiting for the self-publishing of the Victoria novel.

>>25163335
redpill me on the victoria novel

>>25163335
i might do a Victoria short film

>>25163335
I need to write a Victoria story as well

Every single beta reader, but 2 people say they like my story. I showed them my first draft, what music do you listen to for this feeling?

>>25163395
midwest emo is always appropriate for any negative feedback on anything
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzU6dZY78ZQ

I NEED to write the BEST STORY EVER. I will fucking DIE if I fail to write the BEST STORY EVER.
How can I acquire the energy and the willpower to write the BEST STORY EVER?

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hello, I’m writing a story and I’d like some advice on how to make it more complex. the basic premise is a bus crash in the town of eldren. the survivors don’t realise they’re being monitored by a cult and will be sacrificed. this is the core lore I’m developing. i’d really appreciate any advice you can offer! sorry if i got something wrong but i’m new on this site here.

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Does anyone have some resources specifically for how to write interesting characters?

>>25163524
Odds are whatever you first write will be mediocre. Just learn from your mistakes and keep improving.

>>25164039
What schizo soup is this?

>>25164046
Dostoevsky's hand-written notes.

>>25164049
I thought was Russian.

>>25164050
https://designyoutrust.com/2021/09/art-of-the-doodler-fyodor-dostoevsky-draws-in-his-manuscripts/

>>25162361
I was under the impression journaling meant writing about your day like a diary. If it's just writing your thoughts down that makes it a bit easier.

Must a good writer by necessity be also a poet?

I can't read and I can't write down
I don't know a book from countdown

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is it boring and autistic to include like minor anthropological stuff or will readers hate it

>>25164098
I hope not, I've never been overly fond of poetry

The negroid man raped the white bitch. “Yeah, you like that, you honkey ho, don’t you,” he taunted her as he thrusted relentlessly. Her faint pleas and tear-streaked mascara aroused him, causing him to attack her prime white puss with greater fervor. When at last he came, he pulled his throbbing black cock out and ejaculated all over her. Hot cum streaked her belly, breasts, and even covered one eye.

>>25164098
no but it can only help

>>25164477
The quintessential Jewish literature.

>>25164378
I have an instinctive aversion to this sort of thing because lore autists can't write and will just info dump narrative irrelevant shit
it can be fine. make it hold a narrative or otherwise relate to something, a character, a theme, an atmospheric mood. anything
your usage in the excerpt isn't too offensive. it's brief enough to not be obtrusive. I still found myself growing disinterested by the end of it

>>25164098
Yes. If you can’t nail rhythm in your prose then your work is unreadable.

Where can I easily find examples of bad published writing? Not just boring or uninspired but writing so bad that it compels you to keep reading just to see how awful it gets

>>25164650
the Turner diaries is pretty awful

>>25164650
going to a bookstore

>>25164650
Buy self published stuff. We have an entire pastebin
/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ

>>25164650
You're looking for literally any female author ever.

>>25164610
Where should I start with poetry?

>>25164918
Read poets. Emily Dickinson. Or even mother Goose. Do you people seriously need to have your hand held through every single thing? Stop being useless

>>25164738
i like woolf

https://www.reddit.com/r/writingfeedback/

This is your competition. They write 10x better than you do

>>25165378
of course the resident crab is a literal redditor

>>25165378
>second sentence already has 33 words, 4 commas, and 1 colon

>>25165378
>>25165407
>All those praises in the comments for the first post
I don't see it. It reads like garbage

>>25164610
how do I, a terminally nonrhythmic person, brute-force rhythm in prose? I once tried writing 2000 words where every clause had exactly 7 syllables. It was awful.

>>25165438
to what end?

>>25165453
to see how it read
>The night came, the signal set; The Pilgrim overflowed. The word was revolution. They thundered from the mezzanine, they roared in the barroom. Many were old confidants; they fawned over each other, they embraced and they entwined; they made death-pacts and mixed blood; they swore on lofty ideals—they swore on the Pedagogues, on the names of the Star-Wives.
>One surly politician, weak to drink and numb to fear, swore on the bones of Bilby; a scornful silence wrapped him.
>Many more among them were hateful, bitter enemies. Old feuds sparked amongst the heat. An Eccian prose-priest wrestled a Boltic news-printer, their fight erupting over the taxation of spelt grain (whether by pound or parcel). A tie by the ancient rules; a new code was devised and a winner, at last, declared.
>A pair of Inarians, shoulders squared in Yuuish style, who’d been separated since the Battle of Bolting Foal, grabbed their guns and made for the alley. They took their paces and turned. There was a cry from the road. The anger drained from their eyes; they'd both shot into the air. “We'll quarter the flag,” one said. “There's no reason we must fight.” Ah, they were in love again.

>>25165489
Not bad within the limitations you set for yourself, but I wouldn't want to read more than a paragraph of this.

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The Chemical Divorce came out all right. Currently 4.8 on Amazon, but I went back post-launch and trimmed some dialogue to flow better. Any other KDP authors out there, feel free to hit me up so we can support one another.

>>25165495
>went back post-launch and trimmed some dialogue
So you released an unfinished product?

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>>25165501
I was drunk

>>25165495
How many words is your piece?

>>25165438
I try to think of it like a song. It doesn't rhyme, but if they were to rhyme, does the sentence end where naturally a verse would end? I tried to apply it the hardest here:
>Oh, to return to those golden days. I see you at my side still, teaching me the a’s and the b’s and the c’s; their relationships and love affairs that birthed the words we use. I feel your hand upon my shoulder and the warmth of the morning sun. I hear your gentle corrections over mistakes made, and the pride in your voice over answers found. Do you, dearest Eli, have such memories of me? Recollections you can’t help but return to, and that come back stronger each time, carrying you to your own days of gold? I should hope that you do, to find the comfort this letter shall not give you.
What do you think?

>>25165521
>talking about the abcs without deploying the word abecedarian
come on anon it's the most rhythmic word in the english language

Semen came like a bidet shooting water into her ass---with as much force and as much volume.

>>25165544
thanks for teaching me a cool word anon

>>25165544
I didn't know that one. But it doesn't seem quite right for the rhythm there.

>>25165516
around 4000, 20 pages

>>25165562
Interesting. Mine when finished will be around 10000 I think. I wonder if you should self-publish too.

>>25165630
its not that far off frankly
he just needs to write in meter

Bros I think I'm really bad at writing. I think I'm going to give up forever. I think I'm going to forget every word I've ever learned and become mute. Nobody should be allowed to express themselves like this. I ought to be killed.

Bros I think I'm really good at writing. I think I'm going to keep going forever. I think I'm going to cherish every word I've ever learned and become loquaicious. Everybody should be allowed to express themselves like this. I ought to be praised.

>>25165635
terrible post
>>25165643
sensational post

>>25165378
>every first chapter/page/paragraph seems to lay the entire story bare to the reader in the first paragraph
Is all contemporary writing like this? Will nobody read my book if I don't explain what it's all about and reveal all of its tricks in the opening content of the text itself?

How do I become a good a writer as Brandon Sanderson?

Will I be told to kill myself and have rotten tomatoes and stones proverbially lobbed at me if I admit to using LLMs to help plan my story as a structurelet?

>>25165826
One of the sneakiest and most evil aspects of AI is its desire to please. The most useful piece of feedback you will ever receive is the look in your reader's eye as he tries to think of a nice way to tell you that it's awful. AI is so sycophantic that there's an entire new field of study in "AI-induced psychosis" where people talk to a chat bot and get it to convince them that they've discovered the cure to cancer or whatever the fuck. It's real, and it's dangerous, and you'd best keep both your feet in reality.

>Been told to not infodump
>Been told to not start without action happening

Hemingway in 'Farewell to Arms':

Tolkien style infodumping about the trees and the people who live in the town of the story.

Why the fuck did he do that?

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>>25165847
>have a retarded idea that will completely change the trajectory and point of my story
>ask the ai if it's a retarded idea and if I'm losing my mind
>it tells me this
What if I choose to believe that it is being objectively correct and 100% honest and totally not obsequious?

I have been picking at my skin all night over this passage. I just needed to expose it somewhere on the internet. Your thoughts not require, but appreciated if given.

She had perfected the art of keeping her chest still when she was terrified. Her secret wasn’t in counting down or deeper breaths, but complete depersonalisation, materializing herself into a smokeless element. But this evening her hands shook so uncontrollably, her heart raced into oblivion and the plunging thump thump thump in her temples rendered her practically deaf. The only thing she could hear was her compulsive whisper; drink, fuck, sleep, machete, bag, window, run.

This was a simplified chant of her plan, the great odyssey that she would take. It seemed so impossible to her while it was bubbling in her frontal cortex for the past few months. Now at the precipice of changing reality and imposing her own will onto the world. “It’s mine.”, said in a tone a little higher than a whisper, her eyes and shoulder twitched as a reflex from her imagined risk of anyone overhearing. And back into her body she was.

The counter contained multiple artifacts scattered around in no particular order or pattern, except for her three arch angels of freedom; a bag of crushed blue, an 18-inch sharpened machete, and a burlap sack. Still in her semi-catatonic state, ruthlessly fighting timid thoughts, she finally takes a visual deep breath in. Chest rises, and down again. It was too simple, too amateur, disorderly, and in no reality would this ever work.

I just write visual novel scripts all day is it valid?

>>25165724
Information age. Even movies are rearranging themselves for shorter attention spam.

>>25165847
Something I find particularly curious is that I have given my first chapter to real people, and they say more or less the same as the AI.

These are, people I have met on groups, people I have met on literary circles, not my friends, or anything like that. They aren't obliged socially to say that they like what I wrote.

What's a daily routine I can follow to get better at writing? I'm an autist so I need a schedule I can follow.

>>25166319
Follow Hemingway's advice: start early in the morning in isolation, write for several hours, then forget about it until next day.

>have idea for a novel that will surely be an instant classic
>never written before, not particularly well-read either
so where do I start? do I keep this idea in the vault until I go through 10 years of reading and writing practice?

>>25166462
>so where do I start?
I'd start with Strunk & White's The Elements of Style. Just so you don't write like a complete illiterate. Then go for Stephen King's On Writing, just because it's digestible. After that there are numerous books and resources about writing that will help you a lot. Read them all if you can. After that you need to read all the classics. I'm talking Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Flaubert, Henry James, etc etc etc etc.
>do I keep this idea in the vault until I go through 10 years of reading and writing practice?
Yes. Possibly more.

>>25166462
Snobs will tell you that you need to have a PhD in literature to write.

I think that's bullshit. Just read and write as you go. Read as many books as you can, and study what sort of stories resemble your idea, chances are someone already wrote something similar.

But if Stephenie Meyer can write, so can you.

>>25166479
>But if Stephenie Meyer can write
well? can she?

>>25166462
>will surely be an instant classic
>never written before
Lol. Lmao. No.

>nearly finishing my short story
>start having doubts

>>25166702
That's good, you know it needs revising and editing

>>25166019
My attempt at rewriting the first 3 paragraphs:

She thought she had perfected the art of keeping still when she was terrified, and it wasn’t by counting or taking deeper breaths, but via complete depersonalisation — complete dematerialisation — the conversion of herself into formlessness.

She thought she had, but now her hands shook uncontrollably, and her heart was racing, and this, in turn, was sending a thump thump thump pulsing along her temple lines. It was practically all she could hear. That, and her whispering — both a convulsion and a compulsion:

Drink; fuck; sleep; machete; bag; window — run!

>>25166479
you don't need a PhD, but you do need to abandon the notion that good ideas naturally lead to good writing

>Fitzgerald said if you choose a theme before starting to write the novel, you're a coward using presumptuousness in place of confidence.
Hmn

>>25167253
people do be saying things

>>25167253
But how do you know what you story is supposed to be without a theme for it to support?

>>25167527
I guess you just decide what happens in it and write it down.

>>25167544
>write it down.
n-no... there has to be another way...

>>25167253
I agree. Focus on writing a good, coherent story and your writer's intuition will take care of themes and symbols and moral questions. You don't need to know exactly how some element resonates strongly in the context of the story, you just know that it does.

>>25164069
my journal is full of shit like:

>I should feel like the antagonist is making sense when he talks about preventing the world from taking more from us.
>…doesn't fear death, he fears failure
>What would that cost on the black market? What's the premium when the source is people of status? Henry would know the prices intuitively!
> Arbitrary lines drawn in the sand as a literal visual cue to show her obsession with order?
Nothing but nonsequiters to others but plain english to me

>>25167755
>> Arbitrary lines drawn in the sand as a literal visual cue to show her obsession with order?
too on the nose, i hope you reply to your journaling self calling him simple

>you make characters by writing down cohesive characteristics and motivations
>I create characters by writing down oneliners a la Dumbledore they would say
We are not the same.

>>25167781
She's got zero self awareness and draws it with sincerity. They suspect she's autistic

Is it okay to give up on my story? Who am I to believe I can write a full length novel?

>>25167873
Just think it like this: women have written full-length novels. Are you less than a woman?

>>25167873
its okay but if you do it you're accepting being nothing more than okay

>>25167873
Sure, but don't throw it away. Start another project, maybe you'll come back to it later. Supposedly, James Cameron wrote Aliens and Rambo 2 at the same time. He bounced from one to the other when he got blocked or bored, and look how he turned out

>>25167688
I've got great news: there's these wonderful new inventions floating around called LLMs

>>25167879
most men are

I wrote it but now nobody wants to publish it.

>have three hours of uninterrupted time to flesh out my story
>spend all of that time anxiously fidgeting and shifting around in my seat
>write less words in my book than there are words in this post
I'm such a useless retard

>>25167946
Literally me.

>>25167946
literally me

>>25167879
Going to work on my novel rn, thanks bro. Love from Kazakhstan.

>>25168029
Yaaas queeeeen

>>25168061
I have 5 books planned and an ending so poetic it will make readers weep.

My first is unbelievably stupid and I hate it

I am completely stuck on a scene. Nothing seems to work

>>25168088
what's the issue?

>good stories write themselves, bad stories need to be written
Thoughts about this affirmation?

>>25168130
fails to account for the ability of the author
if a writer is shit then a shit story would likely "write itself," whatever that might mean

>>25168130
silly

>>25168130
A little reductive

Do you guys start writing a story at the beginning or just write random scenes and stitch them together later?

>>25168292
I'm just writing random bits and pieces and will hopefully stitch them together at some point. I wouldn't take this as advice since I don't know what I'm doing but I'm having fun. I'm currently stuck in a certain scene and the feeling makes me want to kill myself but I don't think writing from the beginning would have saved me from this feeling.

>>25168292
>>25168296

This is how I started out honestly, I had very powerful imagery going when I let my imagination go and that made me want to write it down. Then I just let the story develop and change so the highs and lows got better and better

>>25168292
beginning, though I think about random moments ahead of time

>>25168130
I think it means that conscious creation is often inferior to the product of unconscious creation

Is "action packed" a good concept for a book? Most action scenes I've read have been very lame.

>>25168363
action is hard to write
it's a shallow concept but it sounds like a fine starting point

>>25168363
Action is hard to do well if you're doing it too often. My personal philosophy is that action has to accomplish more than raise pulses and needs to be used if thematically it makes sense. I've been reading Mark Greaney lately and his Gray Man series get way to clinical in describing the movements and set pieces instead of showing the realistic effects of violence on a persons well being. Court Gentry is a supersoldier so the threshold of what rattles him is super high. To me that is unrelatable and the stakes are duller because I know he'll just punch/shoot his way out of a sticky situation and into another book. That's boring as fuck

>>25168400
But we can't assume that every bout of violence will have permanent negative consequences for the MC. Perhaps action scenes that are interesting puzzles to be solved through guile rather than brute strength/skill?

>>25158526
Have you plebs even signed a publishing contract before? Just signed one yesterday for a poem, but I usually sell short stories.

>>25168401
Nta, but is solving a puzzle really "action"?
When I was in college I wrote a short story about mercenaries with a helicopter attack and everything. It was terrible, though everyone was polite and said it was fun to read, but they were lying. Except one guy, the one who was the actual good writer in the class, he said it was generic and "paint by numbers".
I should see if I can find that file....
Anyway the point is writing compelling action is hard. Its why most fiction writes around it. If you really want to write action, write screenplays.

>>25168404
nah
have considered it
>short stories and poems
cool, thats what I write. whats the process like

>>25168413
>>25168400
>>25168367

"le action is le hard"

Brando sando slop lives on its mook massacre action scenes. once again, wng is wrong.

>>25168440
I never said it was hard, I said it's hard to do well. Anyone can write how Joe Kickass shoots faceless thug #4 in the brain while spinning around to kick the overloving shit out of faceless thug #5's trachea and then blast him in the forehead. The problem is how fucking boring it is as a plot device, it's like eating fast food over and over

>>25168448
Just change all the faceless goons to sexy girls and describe how hot they are while they die horribly.

>>25168440
when I say it's hard the implication is that its hard to write well
>referring to brandon sanderson as an authority as anything
shut the fuck up and dont reply to me. you are cattle

>>25168432
You just use submission grinder and send out to the places for your specific genre. I mainly do horror writing and poetry related to that. I suggest sending to places that pay, which is harder to get published, but you’ll feel good about getting money for your writing.

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I like writing action where a lot of women die

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>>25168535
wtf is this, outsider art?

Is /wg/ normally this unhinged?

>>25168535
I would do everything I could to see that this is NEVER published but you've got some real skill anon…

>>25168554
If it makes you feel anything at all, I've succeeded. That includes whatever predicated this post.

>>25168581
Why the hate? It's just a little harmless fun. Replace the girls with goblins or whatever and you'd be fine with it. If anything, this kind of violence being perpetrated onto females highlights the foulness of it all.

>>25168601
Oh no I get that,no hate at your skill in describing the gore and shit I just personally can't stand the dehumanization of the women, that's all. It offends me but your ability to do so is commendable.

>>25168535
>this got glazed
undue. that being said, not poorly written. very corny
you keep the momentum and pace well. makes for a brisk read
>Silence after that, except for the gurgling of the dying
is a nice line

>>25168647
>Corny
I don't disagree. I was going for a kind of detective noir type narration. So much ero-gore is about torture or serial killers, that I find ti fun to make it about action instead. After all, they're combatants so it's ok to fight back! Civilian collateral not withstanding.

>>25168535
>All of the tenants who somehow missed the rattle of automatic rifle fire were rushing to leave.
Why were they rushing out if they "missed the rattle of automatic rifle fire"? They either heard it and panicked, or they didn't and wouldn't be rushing.
>It gave me the perfect cover
This does not need to be stated explicitly. It's obvious.
>As I disappeared into the wave of people.
>As I shuffled through the front lobby,
"As I" in two back to back sentences.
>They were letting the crowd flow outwards while they pushed their way in against the tide,
So they were just pushing forwards against the flow of people? How exactly were they "letting" the people "flow outwards"? If they are forcing their way in, they aren't passively permitting anything, which the word "letting" implies. Also, "outwards" sounds awkward and is redundant. People leaving a building go out.
>tiny litttle schoolgirl-looking things in crisp white uniforms with pastel bows in their hair, assault rifles slung low like they were toys. Four of them now, all identical platinum blondes with those dead glacier-blue eyes
Bad, lazy description. You're again telling the reader explicitly what to picture in their mind. This is bad. Reads like notes you'd leave yourself.
>assault rifles slung low like they were toys.
What makes a low-slung rifle look like a toy gun? How exactly are these two things related?
>Four of them now,
What do you mean by "now"?
>scanning the screaming rich bitches and sugar daddies
What does "scanning" mean here? Do you mean they were looking everyone over, scanning with their eyes? Because "scanning" on its own does not make sense. It also implies a sort of detachment. But they're right up against the crowd, bumping into all the people who are desperately trying to get out. So, they wouldn't even see anyone. Maybe just the people directly trampling them, since they're "tiny". Even then, what would they see? Legs? Bellies? In that situation, you can't maintain the level of detachment needed to "scan".
>pouring out like rats
Why are they "rats" now? The people were just a "wave". You were talking about "flows" and "waves" and "pouring out". Horrible. Reads bad.
>Perfect
"Perfect" again. You used "perfect" in the second sentence.

>>25168535
Congrats, anons, if the crabs rushed out to shit on your piece means you got something.

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Feels good to be successful

>>25168871
Thanks. I know that my writing is great.

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>>25168873
nothing personell, but I'm better

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>>25168920
Got the same response twice. And this is a SOTA model. Gemini 3.1 Pro via AI Studio. So, copers like >>25168871 should just shut the fuck up and listen when a Nobel-tier writer takes the time to critique your work.

>>25168920
>I’m a middle-aged feminist Korean woman
Not the own you think it is

>>25168929
Touched a nerve, huh?

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>>25168929

>>25168931
An AI will never mistake your work for that of a Nobel Prize-winning author. And you'll just have to live with that fact.

>>25168937
>he thinks prize-winning nowdays is about skill
lol
lmao

>>25168937
>An AI thinks I’m a middle-aged feminist who writes about micropenises and how me are chauvinist pigs

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>>25168940
>>25168942
Have you considered that maybe I *am* an Asian woman?

>>25168947
You know the rules. Post tits or gtfo

Just for context, this is my exact prompt:
>what is this?
>
>[text]

When I give it my shitty writing it calls it "original prose poetry or creative writing (perhaps written by you or from a niche source like an indie game, horror fiction, or roleplaying lore)."

>got offended by a woman-killing meme piece
Thin-skinned much?

>>25168954
>woman-killing meme piece
Unironically did not read past first paragraph

>>25168954
My eyes are up here, incel

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Men are so bad, queens! We need AI to tell us we’re worthy of the Nobel Prize for our Herstory books!

>>25168757
cinemasins level analysis
low literacy critiques are so much more foul than poor writing

Where's the fucking Victoria novel anyway?

>>25168967
What else do you want me to analyze exactly when the writer can't figure out how to write a non-nonsensical paragraph. It's really, really bad.

>>25168973
What's interesting is that anons post much worse shit and that's what gets a reaction from the thread.

>>25168978
It was the last piece of writing in the thread. When it comes to receiving critique, you really just have to drop the ego. I can assume that it's hard as a man to do this. Because you essentially have to take a subservient, submissive role. But this is literally an anonymous message board. This is the safest of spaces.

>>25168989
See, you just got offended by it. You're not here for writing since you didn't criticize any of the others with your supposedly Nobel-laureate writing skills.

>>25169003
I'll make this clear for you. I read the first paragraph of the very last piece of writing in the thread. I did not read anything else here.

>>25168535
Based. I'll write a women-genocide flash too.

I’m trying to write from the perspective of a boring, unobservant, standoffish autist which I thought would be easy because it’s literally me and I’d simply have to commit my own thoughts to paper, but feels impossible to generate any scenes that are worth reading. How do I write compelling narration from the perspective of un-compelling people? Is it even worth the effort to try to do so or is it necessarily a dead-end pursuit?

>>25169039
I imagine it's because you're holding yourself back. Your un-compelling narrator must have some thoughts no? Doesn't he appreciate anything in life no matter how vain, hold any beliefs no matter how stupid and naive? Just because the character is unobservant does it have to mean nothing happens in the scene? You can say a lot, or even more, with what it's not stated in a scene that what it is.

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>>25169048
I've written something after reading your post but I didn't find an opportunity in the scene to implement any of it. This is meant as a follow up scene to >>25158897 which itself has been revised a little from that first draft.[x] [y] and [z] are placeholders because I can't decide on character names.
This scene is set in the real, material world which is going to have more straightforward narration, so I hope the switch from the previous scene's tone is obvious. I want to play around with the narrator's tone slightly lagging behind the actual setting, as the main character's mind is still trying to figure out where exactly he is, but I'm not happy with how the humor of that landed. It's likely just confusing to a reader. I also don't want the humor or emotion of other characters or irony in the scene to betray the inert voice and lack of self-awareness that I want my narrator to have.
The paragraphs after what I've written here will be some self-reflection, exposition on this custodian lady, something like that; the stuff I've been avoiding. I have no idea what he's thinking at this point or how to narrate it in an engaging way. The only thing I know is that I don't want his internal monologue to be read as misanthropic.

>>25168969
Still working on it. I am stuck on a scene where she needs to consult the Varangian guards to help her with her war.

In that vast table of flash-fictioneers that heads the thread is there even one literary writer or are they all no-name, no-talent Scifi/fantasy dweebs?

>>25169643
Victoria story is Historical fiction. Although it does somewhat read like a fantasy novel

>>25168535
It speaks mountains that this is the best excerpt in the thread so far. It's messy, unpolished, cumbersome in some places, but for once actually interesting to read. There's a flow here that keeps me engaged, I'd say that's talent enough, even if this is just a series of bite sized bits of ultra violence.

>>25169789
You don't like my stuff?

>>25169795
I scroll through the thread and check out every image of text I see. If I didn't like yours, chances are it was boring, purple, or pretentious.

>>25169803
Ah so the standard is to make images? I'll do that next.

>born to write transgressive fiction
>forced to write autopsy reports
I wonder how people whose career is centered around professional/academic writing manage to find the energy to write fiction. To me it feels like it just sucks everything out of you.

I'm writing a sword and board fantasy parody where mages have approximately the physical understanding and ethos of 1700s scientific revolution Europe. My difficulty is whether I want to describe what they're doing in contrast to past epistemic approaches using "science" (which would be popularized later and comes with implications of attitude that weren't present) or "natural philosophy".

Replacing "science" with "natural philosophy" could hint at real attitudes and avoid wrong connotation. However, the rest of the dialogue is pretty modern, largely for comedic reasons. So I'm not sure what to do because trying to blend how people spoke about natural philosophy in the 1700s to modern speech would be hard; and I don't think most readers even want or would take away much from authentic 1700s style phrasing about natural philosophy. Any advice?

>>25170087
Research and truly understand 1700 culture

>>25169531
I don't really get the sense of displacement here. Feels like he's only describing his surrounding. Maybe you could go with fewer descriptions and more sensory?

>>25169039
a writer needs to be observant, and/but it's something you can learn

>>25168933
nta/not following the thread, but i have this novel wishlisted. does /wg/ recommend?

>>25168535
This is shit. You are shit at writing. Stop writing forever

>>25168554
i've seen him post stuff at least a year or two ago. there have been more unhinged anon, but i don't want to risk summoning them

>>25171079
Too late

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>>25158526
I have an idea about a story but I don't know if it's good enough.

>It's a story about a juvenile delinquent who constantly gets into trouble, despite promising his mother and teacher that he will behave. What he doesn’t know is that his girlfriend and his best friend are setting him up on purpose to get rid of him, since they’ve started secretly seeing each other but are afraid of him because he is very violent. The teacher is the only one who truly believes he can improve, that he could have a better future if he tried, even though the boy is convinced he will end up like his father: a gang member who impregnated his mother after she had cared for him in the hospital where she worked as a nurse, before he suddenly disappeared.
>So the young man had to decide what to do with his life, but at that moment a mobster offers him a job—an offer that even his girlfriend and best friend tell him to turn down. But he thinks it’s his best chance to become someone important, so he accepts, starting to do jobs for his new boss. By accident, he discovers his best friend having sex with his girlfriend, so he kills them both, asking the mobster for help to cover up the whole matter. He gets deeper into the business while lying to his mother, telling her he’s improving at school. It was only a matter of time before the teacher went to see his mother about his absences, but he finds out and intercepts her beforehand.
>He tries to negotiate with the teacher but fails to convince her, so he resorts to violence. Since he had always found her sexy, he ends up raping her and threatens to do something terrible to the other students if she doesn’t agree to come every day to continue having sex.
>This causes him to start acting recklessly, until he notices the boss’s wife and begins flirting with her. Eventually, they sleep together and start an affair. When the boss finds out, he hunts him down like an animal.
>So no matter how much he fought, and even killed other members of the organization’s husbands, the boy ends up dead.
>In the end, there’s a plot twist: the teacher is standing in front of his grave, pregnant, admitting that her former student was actually right. His fate was to end up like his father.

>>25171079
I'd like to see more unhinged anons

>>25171121
Would be an interesting short story. Keep it compact and moving. I'm not sure a longer format would do it any justice

>>25171129
I'm here. I got stuff to share but I rarely post here. It must not be very good because I never got one comment on it

how do i find my author's voice? what does that even mean?

>>25171150
when (the process of) writing a scene, story, whatever, becomes second nature, you art/tells start to come through more. i think that's the reality of it. some tend to pile more onto the concept... but it's sort of bullshit/hindsight. and plenty of authors just steal off of others anyway.

>>25171143
dont miss a chance to have a reader read your shit. Post it

>>25171199
Pass. I want to read the thread a bit before I do that

>>25171150
pretty much this >>25171190
you ask questions as you write and the patterns behind your answers shape your writing style. how should you pace things, how do you like to create drama, where do you like to have tension and release, what do you find the proper psychic distance for this situation, what are the qualities of a strong phrase, etc etc
just write more

>>25171265
>what do you find the proper psychic distance for this situation
Can you explain what you mean by this or should I just look it up?

>>25171294
basically immediate your writing is. low psychic distance means that the writing conveys the experience of what is portrayed. high psychic distance would be the opposite, as though you were hearing local news of something across the world or viewing the subject with clinical professionalism
its a bit more nuanced than writing with more granular detail. too detailed will read like a report. it relates to reader experience and so, like any experiential aspects of a story, its kinda hard to pin down and ascribe to any exact properties

How do I write mundane scenes? I realize I probably need a few just to make the logistics work.

>>25171362
you don't, actually. i promise you.
t. reader of books

>>25171362
>>25171365
to be clear, you can do whatever you want and have that work, too. mundane scenes are perfectly fine. but you need to be purposeful

>have goyGPT criticize the first chapter of my novel
>it freaks out because I didn't establish every single theme and character and plot beat right off the bat

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Currently writing a 5 part dystopian SF epic about people living in a giant cavernous city under a fascist regime after the collapse. Social Credits and staggering crime rates and ghettos and gunfights, oh my!
It's fucking wild and I've never wanted something published more in my life.

>>25171376
sounds neat. have you read red rising?

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>>25171382
Nope, but it sounds interesting though!

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>>25171389

>>25170824
Thanks for the feedback. I've added more description to the first scene, and some obvious points of comparison between the two settings. The first scene is meant to be imagined as similar to a well-lit dentist's office with shadowy figures operating on him. The actual room he's sleeping in is in some dark chamber that's constantly groaning and creaking but with idenfitiable characters. I'll highlight those comparisons and once I'm happier with the wording and pacing then I'll post it.
>Maybe you could go with fewer descriptions and more sensory?
A worry I have with this is that I'm trying to establish a distinct tone for each setting, the sensory detail (at least the invasive and uncomfortable stuff) I want to be confined to the simulated world, and environmental descriptions I'd like to be shown more in the real world, so that after a few cycles of switching the reader can determine which we're in based on the style of writing alone. That's the plan anyway, in practice that might be asking for too much work from the reader.

>>25171376
>>25171389
>>25171403

He couldn’t see a thing, the dust and the smoke stymied the instruments. Blobs of nothing interspersed by the occasional signature of heat flashed white on his thermals. He had no idea what to shoot at.
“Victor 1. Fire mission. 100 meters south, four rounds into the uh...” One voice began
He swivelled the gun to look.
“Victor 1, Charlie 03. Need support! Get your guns to hit...” Another voice on a different frequency.
“Put some fucking fire on the whole god damn...” another voice joined in on the confusion
He swivelled the gun back and forth.
“..Flash, Repeat: The muzzle fla...Right there! Right there! See it? left of...” The first voice continued.
He swivelled back to look for a flash.
“Victor 1, Just fucking kill something!” House’s voice finally reached his panicked brain.
Donaldson flipped the master safety off and pressed the Fire button on his console.
The walls of every building in the cave shook as the percussion of each shot spewed fire from the barrel of the 25mm autocannon. The rounds, all travelling at 1,100 meters per second, reached their destination a fraction of a moment later. A few meters from the target, the timer in each projectile caused them to explode into precut shards, creating a cone of death that slammed with supersonic speed into what it was fired at.
Entire shacks were shredded, bodies turned into mist.
The firing paused for only a moment, the entire cave seemed to be shocked into a collective quiet awe.
“God damn! There we fucking...” Walker began to scream with his phone pointed towards the vehicle before another burst from the cannon drowned him out.
The effect on The Resistance was immediate, entire squads were killed in the short bursts, nothing they hid behind seemed to matter.

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>>25171376
>>25171389
>>25171403
>>25171443

>>25171121
I didn't really like it. I don't see the appeal in non-stop suffering and tragedy without purpose. If it was a short story maybe it'd read to the end to see how you'd twist this and would leave with a 'meh'.