I wrote a short story this weekend based on the characters from the Danchigai series, but with a deeper exploration of the Freudian subtext hinted at in the original manga. It's just a silly fanfiction story, but I'm really proud of how it turned out and thought to post it here.Enjoy. Or don't. I can't tell you what to do.
>>25163532"You're all looking lovely," complimented Mutsuki.Yayoi, Uzuki, and Satsuki beamed with pride in their flowing, frilly dresses and freshly curled locks. Haruki stood stiffly, still overcoming Yayoi's recent poking and prodding of his hair to meet her perfect standard. There he stood in his slick tuxedo, feeling like a monkey in a suit."Well, I think we'll do just fine at the wedding!" said Yayoi, proud to have applied her fashion expertise to her siblings. Especially Haruki, interjected her quickly suppressed id.Mutsuki continued. "But there are two things I'd like you to be cautious of. First! All the focus should be on the bride and the groom! Make sure to behave!""You don't need to tell us that," Haruki nervously grinned, carefully averting his eyes from Mutsuki's straining black bodice."Mom and dad will be there, too," Yayoi concurred."And also..." Mutsuki added, "The rental clothes are very expensive. Let's try not to rip them or stain them..." She grimaced as she took one last look at the invoice.Her younger siblings simultaneously eked out a sheepish "Y-yes!"
>>25163534Notwithstanding Mutsuki's earlier warning, nearly every guest's head turned to gaze upon the handsome Nakano siblings as they entered the church. Their aunts and grandmas cooed at how grown-up they looked, which especially pleased Yayoi, who was eager to talk about her recent transition from middle school to high school. A few of the men present rubbernecked at a completely oblivious Mutsuki, whose bountiful presence momentarily distracted them from the scowls of their own wives.Their cousin approached to greet them."Thank you for coming! I'm so glad you could make it. You all just look so stunning! Please feel free to take a seat—except for the flower girls! I need you for a very special job.""Yay! A special job!" exclaimed Uzuki."-job!" Satsuki concurred. "The great fairy needs our magical powers for the sacred ceremony!"Giggling and skipping away, the two little girls followed the bride to her chamber for their official briefing.The remaining three stood for a moment to collect themselves and drink in the ambience of the sanctuary. They could feel the gentle serenity invitingly beckon, but in a manner different than the shrine they visited every New Year's Day. The high vaulted ceilings framed a giant stained glass window that hung over the altar depicting a bearded man in a white robe tenderly carrying a lamb on his shoulders. Daylight poured through the window and spilled onto the floor below onto a sparkling mosaic of cerulean tiles that shone like the seashore. Soft organ music flowed through the air, to which Mutsuki began sweetly humming. Though the imagery and symbols aligning the walls were strange and foreign, somehow the trio felt a familiar presence that had been waiting for them a long time...Finally catching their attention, their parents waved to them from across the room, and motioned for them to come and sit in their pew. They obeyed, and silently walked down the aisle and sidled into their seats.There they sat waiting for the ceremony to start, some more patiently than others. Pressed between Haruki and Mutsuki, Yayoi became increasingly cognizant of her brother's warmth, his breathing, and when she refrained from fidgeting long enough, his heartbeat.Taking a sudden interest in comparative religious studies, Yayoi leaned over and took the book from the pew rack in front of her. Desperate to distract herself, she turned to a random page and began to read silently."Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. And when God had me wander from my father's household, I said to her, 'This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, "He is my brother."'""Eep!" she squealed, face aflush, and crammed the volume back into the pew rack."What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" Haruki whispered."Yayoi!" hissed Mutsuki, "Don't make fun of other people's beliefs! It's not polite."
>>25163535Yayoi did not know how to explain her sudden outburst, and she wasn't sure if she even wanted to.Just then, mercifully, Pachbel's Canon in D began to play, signaling the congregation to rise from their seats. The bride gracefully glided down the aisle on her father's arm. Uzuki and Satsuki strode triumphantly in front, tossing flower petals in the air, and a faint smell of roses began to fill the room. As they passed their family, Uzuki restrained herself from pelting Haruki with a fistful of petals, though it would have made a great prank, she thought.When the party reached the altar, the father handed off the bride to the anxious groom, who was fighting his knees from buckling, and stood off to the side with the eager flower girls. The priest chuckled warmly, and started to read from his prayer book."Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this man and woman in holy matrimony..."The priest continued reading solemnly and monotonously, and Haruki's thoughts turned toward the game hidden in his suit pocket. With the focus of everyone around him on the ceremony, he wondered if he could get away with completing one or two levels without attracting anyone's notice. Carefully reaching inside his jacket, he glanced toward Mutsuki to check whether he was successfully escaping her attention.His eyes searched her face, which was totally enraptured with the present proceedings, and drifted to the black ringlets of hair draping over her cheeks. Having done her hair herself, Haruki had not up until now fully appreciated how beautiful she was (even more than usual), with every facet of her appearance adjusted with the finest care. Her long and slender neck held their mother's necklace which accentuated her exposed clavicle and pointed down to her exquisitely low-cut décolletage.
>>25163538As Haruki admired his sister, he subconsciously resumed listening to the priest's sermon:"How beautiful you are, my darling!Oh, how beautiful!Your eyes behind your veil are doves.Your hair is like a flock of goatsdescending from the hills of Gilead.Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn,coming up from the washing.Each has its twin;not one of them is alone.Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon;your mouth is lovely.Your temples behind your veilare like the halves of a pomegranate.Your neck is like the tower of David,built with courses of stone;on it hang a thousand shields,all of them shields of warriors.Your breasts are like two fawns,like twin fawns of a gazellethat browse among the lilies.Until the day breaksand the shadows flee,I will go to the mountain of myrrhand to the hill of incense.You are altogether beautiful, my darling;there is no flaw in you...You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;you have stolen my heartwith one glance of your eyes,with one jewel of your necklace."It was then that Haruki realized that his eyes were lingering a little too long on Mutsuki's "twin fawns" that were impressively hoisted upward by her dress. Embarrassed, he swiveled his neck back to facing straight ahead and snapped his attention unwaveringly to the ceremony, forgetting about his game completely.The bride and groom exchanged vows, and the twins (that is, the flower girls) smiled in anticipation as the wedding reached its climax."Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" they chanted under their breath."By the power vested in me by God and this municipality," announced the officiant, "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."The groom kissed her passionately and deeply, and the congregation applauded."Hooray! Our spell worked!" Satsuki cheered.
>>25163542The congregation was dismissed to the reception hall, and the Nakano family was ushered to their table to dine. The waiting staff served each of them plates of smoked brisket, with the fat melting from the edge, and roasted asparagus with the tips lightly charred and crisp. A sommelier poured flutes of fine champagne for Mr. and Mrs. Nakano, and glasses of sparkling cider for the five siblings."A Western-style dinner! How wonderful!" said Mutsuki. "It smells delicious!""Mutsuki-onee-chan, how do you say 'itadakimasu' in English?" asked Uzuki."Hm, that's a good question," she pondered. "I think it's 'Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub!'"Satisfied with that sufficient blessing, since none could match Mutsuki's command of English, they commenced partaking of the meal so delicately prepared for them.As Haruki began to cut his brisket, his elbow clumsily knocked Yayoi's glass, which threatened to topple and spill onto her perfect cream dress."Ah!" he panicked, and grabbed the glass with his hand at the same time that Yayoi reached with her own. His hand firmly held hers as the glass stabilized, and they stared at it, not yet processing what had just occurred. After a few seconds, Yayoi was the first to notice."Ha-haruki!" she blustered. "What are you doing?!""Sorry!" he blurted, immediately retracting his hand. "I didn't want to ruin your rental!""I can take care of myself, thank you!" she huffed. Yayoi was blushing furiously. "Don't you have any table manners? Keep your elbows off the table!""Noted," he mumbled, also flustered. The twins smirked knowingly at each other.
>>25163545The family finished eating without further incident, and as they wiped their mouths, the band struck up to play a slow waltz."Oh, I love this song!" Mutsuki exclaimed with delight. "Would you dance with me, Haruki?""Uh, wait, I don't know how..." His objection drifted off impotently as she drew him from his chair and dragged him to the dance floor."It's quite simple! Just follow my lead, and you'll see. First, take my hand." Mutsuki offered her right hand, poised and ladylike, for Haruki to take with his left. He hesitantingly accepted, her palm now in his."Okay, now what?""Now..." She draped her left arm over his shoulder and around his neck. "Hold me..." she whispered breathlessly."Aneki?!""Put your hand on my back and hold me," she instructed. He obeyed, and nervously placed his hand on the small of her back just above her hips. She stepped into his embrace until her ample chest pressed against his. His heart fluttered, and he was completely mortified."Now... we... step, two, three, step, two, three..." hummed his sister to the rhythm of the waltz, and guided their cadence to match.Gradually, Haruki relaxed and lost himself as if in a dream to the pleasant, airy melody. The few minutes that it played extended into hours but also compressed into a single, timeless moment within his imagination. He looked down and saw Mutsuki nuzzling her head into his shoulder, sighing contentedly.The pair stepped and sashayed across the glassy tiles of the dance floor, and as the song drew to a close, he instinctively dipped her to the floor over his knee. While their faces stood merely inches apart, he could feel her sweet breath tickle his lips. The wedding guests, which had taken notice of their effortless skill, gently applauded."Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" chanted Uzuki and Satsuki, gleefully."S-stop that!" scolded Yayoi, swiveling her head this way and that, desperate to see that no one else heard them. The twins snickered. "We were just kidding!"
>>25163547Haruki pulled the smitten Mutsuki out of the dip and stood upright. He cleared his throat.She glowed. "Wow, Haruki! You are a terrific dancer! That was magical!""You really think so?" he said, bashfully scratching the back of his head. "I just had a great teacher." She smiled back.Another teenage girl approached them, and boldly addressed Haruki. As she opened her mouth to speak, Yayoi, observing from across the room, frowned jealously and left her seat."That was really impressive!" said the stranger. "May I ask to dance with you next? If it's alright with your partner, that is," she added, turning to Mutsuki."Fine by me!" she affirmed, still fanning her face with her hand.Unsure quite how to answer, Haruki gaped his mouth, hoping that he'd find the words to say after he'd started saying them."Sorry, he's taken!" called a different voice. Haruki coughed slightly and rubbed his throat, just to check whether it was his. Looking down, however, revealed Yayoi clinging to his other arm, pouting indignantly at the other girl.Equally shocked at her sudden appearance, the second girl retreated a step to collect herself. Slightly offended, but seeking to deescalate, she turned to Yayoi and mustered as polite a response as she could."Please forgive my rudeness," she entreated, "but I thought I had already been granted permission by her." She gestured toward Mutsuki. "What is he to you?""He is my brother."Fin.
Danchigai is nice to see outside of /a/ but I don't read fanfiction.What motivated you to make this thread?
>>25163714The desire to share something I wrote with an audience, however likely hostile.
I don’t even know what this is, but, it’s a fun read for what it is. Would you not try writing something similar, with your own characters?
>>25164427Not OPDanchigai is a manga series about 5 siblings. It's a great series, with a steady and dedicated fan presence on /a/.https://www.siscans.moe/reader/#m=danchigaiThere's an anime series but it's sadly only shorts.
>>25164443Looks cute. May check it out some time.
>>25164427Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.I decided to write this particular story with preexisting characters, because the erotic subtext is already present and played with in the original work (a slice-of-life comedy). A reader familiar with the original work would be able to import the existing character dynamics, leaving me more room to experiment with the scenario in the fanfiction, which is what interested me more in this case. That said, I tried to write it in such a way that someone unfamiliar with Danchigai would still enjoy it and be able to follow the story.The original manga's humor largely comes from playing with the brocon/siscon tropes that have become increasingly present in anime/manga, but releases the tension before truly crossing into that territory and stays in the realm of plausible deniability between the characters. I wanted to experiment with that formula to bring the subtext much closer to the surface and exploring the inner tension of the characters, without actually crossing into erotica.
>>25164446It was a monthly series if that puts its longevity into any perspective for you and /a/nons translated pretty much all of it as far as I remember.
>>25164453When you put it like that, it does make more sense, it already in itself holds very Freudian elements, whether it knows that or not. You’ve done a good job at leaning into that. That all being said, do you aspire to create your own story in this vein? Or do you think you’ll still use pre-existing characters, taking them to their logical conclusion, if you will?>>25164455Yes, it does. I’m not a big manga person, nor anime for that matter. But I do enjoy the odd series. Especially “cult” stuff, like this.
>>25164475If you read it and ever feel you want to discuss it or just shitpost look for a sister/imouto/onee thread on /a/ letely they seem to be a persistent feature.
>>25164475Outside of the occasional fanfiction, I do not usually write in fictional prose. Danchigai has just particularly inspired me to write these psychological short stories.Usually, I write narrative or religious poetry (as hinted at by the extended quotes from Genesis and Song of Songs here), essays, and memoirs, which are typically psychological or spiritual reflections on ministry.
>>25164499Just be aware what some people talk about in those threads is incredibly cringey
>>25164577This is 4chan. I think we're all quite inoculated to "cringey" posts.
>>25164584/lit/ is also pretty cringey, you can see guys raving about some author, philosopher or some political philosophy you dropped years ago.I wonder what the equivalent of shounentards are?I just don't think /lit/ goes in for the whole incest larp thing to the extent /a/ does.
>reddit-spaced weeb comic fan fictionI ain't readin' that shit, nigga.
What books have a similar vibe to danchigai? Nothing spectacular just the everyday mundane events of family life?
>>25165110What a faggot. Can’t even enjoy cute things with cute girls.
>>25163532Why don't manga artists ever depict the kind of men women really like?
>>25166337Because this is a manga about a family not some yaoi romslop?
>>25166437If I were the MC I would totally fuck my imoutos (is that correct? “Imoutos”)
>>25166441Technically not but this is /lit/ not /a/ or heaven forbid /jp/Just don't copy the retard trying to meme imoutae into existence.
>>25166447I’m not enough of a pretentious weeb but I imagine /jp/ is full of them. They could use their bilingualism for better purposes than reading manga a bit earlier than everyone else.
>>25166452>They could use their bilingualism for better purposes than reading manga a bit earlier than everyone else.I think they prefer to know what the medium actually originally said instead of what the cucklations put out by people who hate them like Viz or Crunchyroll
>>25166461That’s fair. Well, I tried my hand at visual novels once and I found them to be awfully written for the most part, The House in Fata Morgana felt like it was written and/or translated by a 17 year old girl who likes dark academia and corny romance. The translator seemed to put emphasis on the trans part of translation :)Umineko was another overhyped slopfest in my not so humble opinion. Maybe a lot of it boils down to the translation
>>25166485I've not played any VN so it's hard for me to give a direct opinion but from my indirect exposure to them I think many are pretty badly written in the first place, I know from reading WN and LN that even across multiple different translations they can still feel stulted and indigestible, but this immaturity is to be expected from what amount to teenage writing projects and bored office workers rambling about their rehashed to the nth degree escapist fantasy.
>>25166485I won't pretend like LN's are the epitome of well written prose, but the two you reference are quite literally the bottom of the barrel.
>>25167296>>25167398>bottom of the barrelWell, with Umineko, it was shilled to me for years by some friends and then I tried it like 5 years ago. It was a fun Christie homage but not much more, I don’t even like mystery but nonetheless, it was fun. Then it turned into a shonen anime with surface level allusions to Schrödinger’s cat (they seem to love it in Japan). Anyway, the fact that many people who love it call it the greatest work of fiction ever (they do, it’s crazy) despite being a fanfiction of an Agatha Christie book goes to show how little they actually enjoy literature.
>>25167439I still think they have some merit and might go so far as to say the majority of VN's are fighting an uphill battle with nonexistent choices, usually ugly as sin graphics, and inconsistencies out the wazoo. It's just the garbage prose people overlook when they shove it into your face and call it a "classic" as if it's not a part of the equation. For that reason I meant those two specifically were the bottom of the barrel in the writing capabilities more than their holistic enjoyment value. Fata's original JP writing is genuinely middle school level tier that got slapped around by the localizer to not have gothic horror mixed with internet slang. Which ironically made the whole debacle on tsundere to 'fragile male ego; all the more damning.
>>25168034So the conflict from the game appeal allows them to get away with poor quality writing.What would good writing look like after excluding all other possible draws? Could you write something mundane with no hook in an engaging way?
>>25168713>Could you write something mundane with no hook in an engaging way?Yes. The hook is deliberately inconsequential you could blink past it and the general "plot" without even thinking
>>25169248If visual/light novels did this, maybe people would start taking them more seriously. Subahibi is the only one I liked and when you think about it, there isn’t a whole lot that actually happens in that.
