>Remember, Frodo: you can still pop her in the face three times before it leaves a mark. Then it is only your word against hers, and the Boulders won't take the side of a Buckland public bycicle, so inbred her family tree is a Konga line>Just keep it above the womb, you know? Otherwise you might end up having to sink her boat with her inbred husband aside to hide the evidence >then you would end up raising your Hobbit Frodo "I swear I'm not a faggot" Baggins nephew who gets to live rent free in your boomer Michel Delving penthouse for free. And he even gets inheritance rights without working a day in his life, all of it spent smoking pipeweed like the plant is going extinguish and blowing Samwell Gamgee like he was ever going to turn straight>Oh, where did I forget it again, the ring...
/tv/ tier post.
>>25165470We don’t invite this kind of behaviour on the highest IQ board.
Wuthering Bagend
>>25165470>like the plant is going extinguishhmmm
>>25165710It was a different time, just like when we co-read Brothers Karamázov, and got surprised by how based Chapter 3 was:>Ivan was not, however, in a separate room, but only in a place shut off by a screen, so that it was unseen by other people in the room. It was the first room from the entrance with a buffet along the wall. Waiters were continually darting to and from in it...>Ivan rang for the waiter and ordered soup, jam, and tea."I remember everything, Alyosha, I remember you till you were eleven, I was nearly fifteen. There's such a difference between fifteen and eleven that brothers are never companions at those ages, and you, Alyosha... you were bitch. I don't know whether I was fond of you even. When I went away to Moscow for the first few years,I never thought of you at all. Then, I spent half my days either drunk or smoking like the plant was going extinct. So when when you came to Moscow yourself, we only met once somewhere, I believe, and I immediately had to shoo you away because I had ordered an escort for evening, and she charges triple if I bring company." "Alyosha, you don't understand. Now I've been here more than three months, and so far we have scarcely said a word to each other. And I can't explain why, Alyosha, but I want to beat your ass. I want to smash your head on the cold hard concrete, fist some sense into christian holier than thou ass, and slap you around like father was too fathering bastards to do. I can't believe there is two of you, and one is a bigger disappointment than the other, but that is besides me. Tomorrow I am going away, and I was just thinking as I sat here how I could see you to say good-bye and just then you passed.""Good riddance. I swear, I was about to stroke myself into a different novel if I had to trouble finding you so I can glee that I don't have to stare at your smug face ever again."
>>25165677>>25165710I think it is funny, and probably far more appropriate to /lit/ than to /tv/, that we decharacterize classic dialogue scenes and make them extra irreverent, hysterical and based, like we are reading an excerpt from Inherent Vice or GRRM./tv/ barely has any of this type of humour anymore, these days. They are too busy discussing Twitter.>>25165749kek
>>25165470>All that is gold does not glitter,>Not all those who wander are lost;>The old that is strong does not wither,>Deep roots are not reached by the frost.>From the ashes a fire shall woken,>A light from the shadows shall spring;>Renewed shall be blade that was broken,>The crownless again shall be king.Then Frodo asked Stryder, if the poem meant anything to him, or whether he was the king announced by Gandalf's letter to the Prancing Pony.Stryder just took a deep sigh, as if in thought. "I alone am not crownless, and it is fate that a hero might appear to all some day as I as a hero appear before thee, since the poem predicts the return of a king that was crownless, who from the ashes a fire shall awaken. As I shall be a king returned, one day this man's spirit shall too rise from the grave, and Middle-Earth will realize that he was right."
>Well, Frodo, it is time for me to teach you one or two things about female companionship.>"Must you really, dear old uncle?">Yes! And ask me not again! I am already of mind to disown you for brazen faggotry with that fat offshoot of yours. Now then, I take it you find elves more beautiful than hobbits?>"I do.">And you are much aware that any such attraction is, sadly, one-sided?>"I am.">Well then, Frodo, let me tell you the story of Rapegon, son of Rapethor, of the house of Rape, of the first age.
>>25166496kekSad they cut this in the movie.>>25165470Gandalf in the books is far less nice than in the movies, too.>Frodo: It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill Gollum when he had the chance.>Gandalf: Pity? It's the white man's burden that stayed Bilbo's hand. If you had seen, as I have seen and witnessed reports on the crise of crime rates in the Anduin following that miserable's creature retreat to the Misty Mountains, you'd not be so eager to pity.>Many that live deserve death, Frodo. Some that die deserve life, sure, but much more deserve death. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends, and put the enemy to the sword before they can name the traitor. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play in it, for good or evil, before the Day of the Ring. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many. Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide.
