I have a problem in the fiction I'm writing where I usually write in past tense until certain stanzas. I can't tell if I'm comitting a horrible sin by doing this. It's existential lit, like No Longer Human or The Bell Jar. No Longer Human seems all in past tense, except he does this sometimes:>"I feel so unhappy." I am sure that this one phrase whispered to me would arouse sympathy more than the longest most painstaking account of a woman's life. It astonishes me that I have never heard a woman make this simple statement. I want it to be like my narrator is telling the story of her life but sometimes I want to details to be embodied and sometimes their thoughts are sprinkled within actions and setting details. Here's some examples from the same short segment:>I received but a peck on his tightly closed lip as he brushed past. I'm going to need more than that!>Who the hell is this chipper at this ungody hour of the morning? I'm still so goddamn tired. I sat up.Especially something like >An upwelling of warm buzzing flowed from my sacrum up my spine and through my fingertips. I'm high as hell.I WAS high as hell doesn't sound good to me. >He's getting dressed while watching a fucking snack ranking video! Lord help our society! Is this really the first thing that you do in the morning?>The soap dish is covered in grey slime. A small party of drain flies are dancing around the three little overflow holes. Is this a situation where I can bring about my vision of paradise? So as a writer, would you do this? Does anyone do this? It's a bit ambiguous what is an internal thought--which I could put in italics-- but half the novel would be in italics, especially because it's peppered with French. What should I do?
>>25238955I'm an amateur writer and I feel like it is acceptable. Some writers do this where they transfer you into the mind of the character from third to first person. I'm not sure about doing it in the same sentence, but maybe that could be your style as long as you can pull it off well.
>>25238955I do this in first person often but usually spread over sentences if not paragraphs.If you ease into it it's fine.
