>>25253245
This thread is a literary disease.

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how is this to read

>>25253331
too much i. show and tell

>>25253288
Did she order lettuce leaves in a fry bag?

>>25253291
Why? Because we encourage intellectual works rather than genreslop pablum?

>>25253358
No, you don't.

>>25253288
I would have married this girl.

>>25253361
Of course we do. We’ve always made it clear that nonsense about elves and laser swords is lesser writing for low-class people.

I am so tired of people who criticise fiction like a thing that can be measured; there is a certain type of person - slightly overweight, glasses, short, curly hair, wears plaid shirts, who can talk about fiction in terms of what every scene "does" for the plot, and who has inevitably written his own novel that he can summarise in a perfect, pithy, two-sentence pitch but which is invariably generic, meaningless, and unpublished... no doubt these geniuses could find ways to critique Tolstoy, Dickens, etc., as though they were better than them or could have improved upon their work, but if they are so intelligent then why is their work so worthless?

These people, since they have no souls, feel like every scene must fit into a predefined template, and that the aim can't be to just write something that is deeply engaging or true on a level that can't be articulated, but rather that the aim is be the one to write the first mathematically correct novel, which is to say, a novel that people like them could find no flaw in.

I am tired of "the writing is like this because it feels right" not being acceptable, and this problem comes from the "creative" writing courses at universities...

>>25253393
PYW

>>25253393
Somewhat tangent but slightly related to what you're saying is a thought that has been swirling in my head as of late: perhaps any form of critique that's not purely technical relate to grammar (and at that point it's no more than an editorial revision) is basically useless. The critic says "oh I didn't find this engaging, or i didn't find this funny" buy how relevant is that really? They didn't like it, buy someone else may. How is your opinion more relevant than theirs who like it? The greatest novels ever written have been harshly criticized thousands of times. What's the point? Who's to say that Flaubert's shelved novel before he wrote Madame Bovary wouldn't be an all time classic too? I'm of the opinion that someone who wants to read will read; someone who doesn't, either because of the content or the moment or even his general mood, will not read, and when inquired about the reason will just find it.
Bottom line: it's useless to ask for critique in your work. You either get published eventually or you don't.

>>25253371
Instead we write about wallowing sad boys that mope and cry about the most frivolous nonsense.

>>25253393
There are certain rules to follow. A story still has to be coherent

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audiobook is live, bros. read by NJB.

https://www.amazon.com/Audible-The-Dark-Triad/dp/B0GZ14L9P6

>>25253493
>NJB
who?

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>>25253495
just a humble German boy with a dream.

>>25253509
>lives in LA
dropped

>>25253493
promo code: 29EHHX6F5C9LL

>>25253493
Jannies jannies he's advertising!!!

>>25253393
I learned about r/writingscaling the other day and looking at a handful of posts made me want to kill myself

I've been reading the original draft of the John Wick screenplay. It's... not great. All of the elements are there though. It gives me hope that someone might read my crap some day and be like, "There's some good elements in here, let's buy it."

>>25253672
Basil Iwanyk was the producer that bought that script, generally cool guy but now his company Thunder Road filters all of its submissions through some woman named Erica. Almost all Hollywood prodcos have become like this, there is always some feminazi Karen in the development team that freezes out anything cool. Makes the lottery ticket of selling a screenplay even more difficult, your script isn't "great" until Karen likes it.

>>25253689
Luckily I'm writing a script about three regular women who defeat North Korea

Question

>How do you write smart characters?

Do you make people around them seem dumb or do you have to be smart to write smart

>>25253331
I like this a lot. It feels grounded in the voice, which is the point of first person. You learn what the character is like from how they observe and classify things. Does a good job sketching time/place without ever dumping description.
Very nice.

>>25253709
Smart people think logically. They recognize there's information they don't have, then get it.

>>25253709
Don't do this, it reads terribly to actually smart people.
The only real way to write smart characters is to be smart.
If you've known a lot of people that are smart you can kind of half-ass fake it by modeling the characters on them but even this doesn't really work well.
One of the most annoying things in reading is a writer trying to write a character smarter than they are.

Please rate my first chapter

>Prologue

Fire. Endless fire. In the middle, a man. A tall, white elf wearing a pulsing, red diamond necklace, stands amidst a burning forest, with nothing but a cold, emotionless shimmer in his eye, and a smirk dashed across his face. The smell of ash and smoke pollute the air, and all you can hear and the screams and cries and screeches of birds burning, trees toppling and houses hammering into the dry, muddy ground. Straight ahead, towering over this elf, is a colossal oak tree, on fire. The crackling of burning wood echoes through the forest, yet in his ears, cheers and applause surrounds him. Suddenly, a woman’s scream cuts through the never-ending, ear splintering howling of nature on fire. “Ilyon, what have you done?!”

>Chapter 1

The first light of day gleams through the cracks of Ilyon’s window. There he is, lying in bed with his wife. In a small and damp room, with nothing but a bed, Ilyon wakes up. Ilyon is a tall, skinny elf, with a clean shaven face and not many discernible features. As he stands, he kisses his wife on the forehead, says good morning, and slowly walks down the long, wooden staircase. There’s a loud creak with each step, until he finally reaches the bottom. He gazes out the window with a large smile strewn upon his face, and just looks happy. Ahead of him is the whole town, from the tavern to the bakery to the local shop, everything is in front, and in the center of it all is the colossal oak tree. Towering above every other tree in the forest, this old oak has been standing for centuries, shielding the town from the harsh environment. This is just a normal day. Nothing seems to be different. Ilyon makes some eggs, toasts some bread, and takes some to his wife before getting ready for work. “Hey hon.” Ilyon says as he wakes his wife up with a gentle shake.

“Hey love. Oh breakfast?” she says, as Ilyon gestures towards the meal he brought. “Very kind of you. Off to work already? It’s so early.”

“I know” Ilyon mutters back. “I need to go set up. Word around town is that some famous adventurers are coming! Want to make sure we’re prepared.”

“Alright then. Thank you for the eggs, and I’ll see you tonight.” she states, as she blows him a kiss.

>>25253893

>cont

Ilyon leaves to get changed in the bathroom. He walks out, gently stepping, and turns to look at his wife again before he leaves. He wears a checkerboard shirt, neatly tucked into his long, brown trousers, finalized with a black belt. Before leaving, he puts a small, wrapped sandwich into his pocket. He puts on his shoes and walks out his house, onto the long road ahead. He indulges in the smell of fresh air, the sounds of birds chirping, and the joys of nature. Rows upon rows of beautiful rainbow flowers line the paths, brightening the town. Greeting neighbors and having chats, Ilyon is known throughout the town to be a caring person. He spots a man on the side of the path, sleeping under a few leaves and pieces of bark, and he takes the sandwich out of his pocket and gently places it next to the mans face, like he does every morning. He looks for nothing in return, leaving before the man ever wakes up.


Like the recent mornings, there’s been a cold breeze wandering through the town. “Well, we’re going into winter”, Ilyon mutters to himself as he pulls his collar up a little, covering his neck. He carries on walking through the town, greeting people, stopping for small chats, and just being himself. A lot of people mention how little firewood they have, and Ilyon is visibly worried at this. As he approaches the tavern, a smell of fermenting beer wafts over his face. The tavern is a small wooden building, with a flat roof and windows lining the walls. Ilyon reaches his cold, frozen hands into his pockets, feeling a quick warmth, before pulling a key out, and unlocking the door. With a click of the lock, and a twist of the key, the door creaks open to reveal a small room. Tables and chairs are stacked along the walls, and Ilyon enters, sitting himself down on a bar stool. The door squeaks to a close, and Ilyon takes a deep breath. You can see the steam leave his mouth, as he shivers, before standing up and taking a chair. He moves tables and chairs and kegs and stools into place, with each barrel of beer weighing more than Ilyon can carry. Yet somehow, everything is done. The room’s completely ready, and Ilyon is happy. The light enters the windows and hits the dust, almost illuminating the room. Ilyon goes to open the door, and with a twist of the knob, the door swings open. He walks back behind the counter, and sits. He sits, and sits, and sits. He waits, had waits, and waits. Then, his friends walk in. A group of 3 male elves confidently walk into the bar. “Hey Ilyon! Wow, the place looks great!”

>>25253893
>Prologue about nonsense
>Waking up start
>Exposition up the ass
>Present tense
>Hey, hon
>Random exclamation mark
Holy crap you are a walking smorgasbord of cliches, tropes, and terrible writing. You are literally who show don't tell rule fags target

>>25253896

“Thanks Kendel. Hey guys. Dain, Hamon.” Ilyon responds.

“Hey Ilyon!” they all shout back.

Everyone sits at a stool, and have a chat. “So I hear that some adventurers are comin’ to your little old bar?” Dain asks Ilyon.

“Apparently so! Haven’t heard much about them. Hamon, you’re usually up to date with this kinda stuff. Know anything?” Ilyon inquires.

“Nah, not really. I mean, I know they’re meant to be famous! I heard Ralph and his buddies talking about it last night.” Dain states with curiosity.

“Well, I heard that they’ve killed dragons!” Kendel shouts with pride.

“I heard they’ve fought demons!” Dain adds.

“I heard they’ve slain giant rats!” Hamon states, immediately getting a laugh from everyone.

“Rats? Really?” Ilyon says jokingly.

“What? Giant rats seem kinda scary.” Hamon replies, visibly embarrassed. Just then, people start flooding the bar. Men, woman, old, young, it seems as though everyone in the town is here. Following behind them, are a group of men, a human, 2 elves and a giant. They walk in with their shoulders wide and stance proud, cheering as they step foot in the tavern. “Ye we killed that demon! Man, that’s a great story. Where are we now?” the giant shouts across the room after he high-fived his partner. Ilyon looks up, grinning with pleasure as his tavern is packed. Just then, people run up to the bar asking for drinks. Beer, lager, wine, whiskey, everyone wants everything. Dain, Kendel and Hamon all jump up out their seats, “Come on Ilyon, we’ll give a hand.” and they all jog behind the bar, taking orders one at a time. The loud shouting of beers fills the room, making it difficult to hear anything.

“Quiet everyone!” the giant shouts across the room. Every person in the tavern goes silent.

“We’re here today, looking for a new adventurer…” one elf starts,

“To embark on a perilous quest!” the other finishes. “Anyone willing to apply, " the first elf starts again,

“Write your name on this parchment!” the other elf finishes, yet again.

“Wow, these guys are strange.” Ilyon mutters to himself.

“But be warned.” The human says. Dressed in all black with a scarf covering his head, he looks as though he’s someone not to mess with. “This is a dangerous quest. You may not make it back alive. We need someone who knows these lands well. If that’s you and you’re up for it, sign the parchment.”

“Well, that sounds fun.” Dain whispers to Ilyon.

>>25253934

>fin

“Tell me about it.” Ilyon whispers back. “Not my kinda thing.”

The adventurers then go back to sitting down, surrounded by a group of elves, dwarves, humans and giants. Everyone’s trying to get in an arm wrestle, or thinking they’ll prove themselves strong. Every now and then someone will come up to the bar and get a beer, but since the announcement, rarely any people are coming to buy a drink. Then, the human walks over. “Hey. Can I get a beer?” the human inquires.

“Yep. What kind?” Ilyon kindly responds with a smile.

“The most popular.” The human responds. “That’ll be the magic circle then. I’m Ilyon.” Ilyon states.

“Elden. So, do you like the quest?”

“I mean, you haven’t said anything about it. How would I know if it’s good?”

“Fair enough. It’s a very glorious quest. We want to retrieve the Necklace of Cinder. It’s currently being guarded by Golret, the Breath of Fire.”

“The Necklace of Cinder. Doesn’t that let the wearer control fire?”“Well done, you obviously enjoy books. Yes, it does. We want to get it so we can provide fire and warmth to villages. You know, with the coldest winter approaching.”

“Yes, that makes sense.” Ilyon pauses for a minute. *Wait. This could help the town. I could give everyone fire. But is it possibly worth my life? “*I’ll think about it.” Ilyon says to Elden.

“I hope to hear your answer soon. We leave tomorrow evening. We just need a place to advertise our opening.” Elden responds.

“You can always advertise here? If you want, of course. If you need a place to stay you could sleep here? On some tables?” Ilyon offers. Elden looks at him with a strange expression, a mix of confused and impressed.

“Yes, that would be very nice. Thank you Ilyon.” Elden responds.

“I’ll lock up later, and I’ll be back to open in the morning.” Ilyon says back. Elden then nods to Ilyon and goes back to his group. He whispers something in their ears, and they all turn to Ilyon and nod a thank you. Each member then goes back to arm wrestling, drinking, and just being crazy. “What was that all about?” Hamon asks Ilyon.

“Just offered them a place to stay.” Ilyon replies. “Just encase they wanted it.”

>>25253930
not that retard but I'm 80% through my novel and there is one chapter where the character is roused from his sleep

how fucked am I?

>>25253440
like you right now?

>>25253944
It's literally a non issue as long as the action starts there. That anon just has terminal workshop brain

>>25253944
as long as you're not starting the story rousing from sleep it can work. I have a chapter where my character wakes up in a hospital after fighting a monster

>>25253709
The simple answer is that with enough time you will come up with a scenario that emulates the existence of an intelligence above your own. Truthfully there are a million ways. For one, consider their diction. Not in the ornate words they use but the superfluous ones they don't. You can abstract this example to the heart of the truth—intelligent people navigate the world in novel, yet understandable ways, much in the way the solution to a good mystery is difficult to grasp as it unravels, but at the tail end so clear.
Whether you are Christian or not, allow me to illustrate with an example from The Bible—the story from Matthew 22:15–22, which is, ironically, a catch-22. The Pharisees question Jesus (through proxies) while He is preaching, intent on entrapping Him. They want Him out of the way because His radical teachings have started to undermine their social power and so they seek to discredit Him. They dress Him up like sycophants and ask one question in front of the crowd: "Is it proper for us Jews to pay taxes to Ceasar or not?"
Herein lies the issue: if He says yes, then the Jews listening to His sermon would grow resentful. He would lose favor with them and many more not present, because in that time that specific tax was reviled and seen as spiritually unlawful. In a way, it also represents making the Messiah acknowledge a certain sovereignty of man—does even the Son of God kneel before Rome? If He says no, the Pharisees would take that utterance witnessed by many and throw Him before the Romans to do with Him as they did to miscreants calling for sedition.
However, Jesus recognizes the trap in their words and chooses a third option. He procures a coin from the audience, holds it up, decrying their tactics, and asks, "Whose image is on the coin?"
Of course, it is Caesar, they reply.
"Then pay to Caesar what is owed to Caesar, but because you bear the image of God, give back to God all that is owed to God."
In other words, Jesus says to pay to the Romans their due, but money is only money. You who bear the image of God, created as you were in His image, must give to God that which is owed to Him—that is, all of your self. At its heart Jesus' reply addresses both sides of the conundrum, declaring that the earthly belongs to the earthly, but that one's mind should be set on The Divine. It is an answer delivered concisely, clear as day in hindsight. And that's why the Pharisees could offer no rebuttal in front of the crowd.

>>25253635
WTF is writing scaling?

>>25253998
>>25253995
It actually starts with the two main characters fighting a ceremonial duel between them with hundreds of onlookers cheering for them, while declaring their hatred for the enemy

>>25254115
You're a retard. This is your literal first line
>The first light of day gleams through the cracks of Ilyon’s window. There he is, lying in bed with his wife.
If that's not where your story starts, why did you put it in? Delete it retard.

>>25254139
? I'm not sure you're replying to the correct person

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What do you think of this action piece near the end of the second third of my story?

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I gave up after the second paragraph. Stick to a POV before you try doing an omni style because the story and how you write doesn't read well

>>25254206
I appreciate your feedback. This is not an omni style. Sarlesh's the POV. I felt it was redundant mentioning each time that something happens that he sees it with his own eyes.

It's not a man training a boy. It's two (and more) people trying to shoot a hanged man who they think can be saved if they do so successfully.

Can someone critique these? They were for a submission based on different themes—silence/stillness, metaphysical violence/warrior spirit, violence in nature, and mysticism. One submission max but I still chose to write something for the rest, they're very short so it shouldn't take you too long to read them.
>Silence/stillness (this one turned out the best imo)
https://rentry.co/vk2sqxe9
>Metaphysical violence/warrior spirit
https://rentry.co/waatmc6q
>Violence in nature
https://rentry.co/8s3dvzvo
>Mysticism
https://rentry.co/z92xwyv2

>>25254206
you don't know what head hopping is

>>25254222
then you're writing it horribly if it's from Sharlesh's POV.
For example:

Sharlesh went without a word, hastily jumping down ledges and descending ladders without heeding his own welfare until his feet hit the ground.

Besides being overwritten nonsense, this isn't Sarlesh's POV. His POV would be something like
>Sarlesh jumped down the ledges and ignored the ladder. He landed with a thud on the ground. He needed to see Angelo. His body, his breathing, his eyes, and most importantly his life.

Then delete everyting about Herb and Corvo. We're still in Sarlesh trying to run to see his brother.

>>25254237
that's the problem Head Hopping

>>25254187
The story itself sounds interesting but I have some trouble with how its told. Paragraph 1 is one long sentence which slows the feel of the action. Grammar needs work I would say, but the only real issue for me was the logic of the second paragraph. Why is he letting this boy shoot, especially a second time, when his brother's life is at stake? He is sitting there rolling his eyes at the kid while he reloads a crossbow (which is a full-body effort btw.) If it were my brother I'd yank the fuckin' thing out of his hands or be moving already.

>>25254232
Really good, I enjoyed them. Most of my critiques lie more in the realm of style than criticism, so take from them what you will. Cut your -ly adverb usage, though.
>Silence/stillness (this one turned out the best imo)
I like the atmosphere of the piece but some of the adverbs and adjectives bog it down a little. I also don't like the present participles in the second paragraph. They throw me off a little. Third paragraph is strong and ends stronger.
>Metaphysical violence/warrior spirit
I found this one inspired. Absolutely love the use of repetition. It's the speech of a man I'd die for, if I were the sort to die for another man. It's a charismatic and well-spoken voice. My only issue was with the imagery of using "decapitation" in describing the impact of musket balls, and the improper spelling of "every time." There's also a few too many extraneous "that's." Comb through the speech and you'll find them, trim them out and you might get men like me dying anyways.
>Violence in nature
First thing I see is the punctuation. "Prowling through the depths, a sperm whale sixteen metres in length shoots through the water like a submarine, hunting for its prey." While grammatically correct, cordoning off the phrase slows down the imagery, which is a shame, especially in this case where speed is key.
>impulse
The correct word is impel though I also like to twist words like this sometimes, if it was intentional.
>Jaws open and the gigantic teeth, like deadly icycles, lust to bite the soft cephalopod.
>and the
You lose a lot from the "the" there, and it should be "icicles."
>"Manouvering"
Manoeuvring or maneuvering
So far its the weakest one technically, but I liked it. Especially the ending line, though I would change "the privilege to witness" to "the privilege of witnessing."
>Mysticism
I don't have any complaints, it was nice and clean. It's up there with the warrior spirit one, though I struggle to pick a favorite. You have a much stronger sense of voice in these first-person ones that bound the edges of the mind.

does this make sense?

>The tiled courtyard, larger even than the mystical gardens, was paved with pink marble and featured hedge mazes of all sizes and shapes, and strange, twisting trees whose canopies shielded the numerous waterways and fountains from the moonlight.

>>25254478
>featured hedge mazes of all sizes and shapes
This is the hardest to picture.

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Boor, your first (legitimate) review is in

>>25254535
Sounds like the person likes it but wanted to feel intelligent by comparing it to a world-acclaimed work. This is a good review once you look past the reviewer's need to feel important.

>>25254551
You're projecting

>>25254555
Comparing any new work to an acclaimed one is simply self-aggrandizing.

>>25254562
Now you're projecting on everyone who has ever made an allusion

>>25254187
it's good, anon, really well paced.
>He laboriously ran
'laboriously' is the only thing i'd nitpick, i know it means to expend great effort, but the context i see it most often is when used to describe boring things like a particularly bad book or play etc., so there's a connotation, however miniscule, which works against the fact that he's running to save his brother. felt contradictory in that sense, left me confused for a second even though the word technically works in context.

Does the use of the word 'excepted' here create a double negative:

>No legal responsibility is excepted for any errors or omissions

My understanding is that 'excepted' means to be left out or an exception is made (eg., /lit/ is full of well adjusted posters, one or two threads excepted). Surely that would mean that the way to write that sentence would be 'legal responsibility is excepted for any errors or omissions'.

Is posting fan fic allowed here? I feel like it's a good point to start of for practice, because it lets you skip a lot of the set up and quickly write the kind of scenes you're interested in, but it's hard to get feedback on prose quality and stylistic choices.

>>25254651
It's better to find a Discord server of fanfic writers in the fandom your story belongs to, to trade critiques.

>>25254640
It sounds like they got 'excepted' and 'accepted' confused, no? Unless they want to say there is not exception to legal responsibilities.

>>25254640
>no legal responsibility is excepted for any errors
= legal responsibility is not excepted for any errors = legal responsibility is taken for any errors
=/=
>legal responsibility is excepted for any errors or omissions

>>25254651
Fanfic is one of the few things expressly forbidden on /lit/. If it were otherwise, it would dominate the board. Go to one of the many sites for that sort of thing.

250 words today

>>25254669
That's what I thought as well. This was something I encountered in a disclaimer for a government sponsored program so I gave the benefit of the doubt to the government and assumed that I was just misunderstanding some obscure use of the word 'excepted'. Presumably there were actual lawyers or something who drafted that disclaimer. I wonder if this is now grounds to sue.
>>25254680
If I understand you correctly you are agreeing that the sentence as written is incorrect and the intended meaning ought to have been written "legal responsibility is excepted for any errors or omissions".

Newfag writing a novel in the phone notes, what do you fellas do when you have an idea for a later scene you want to write, but you're still in the beginning parts, far from said idea? Just write it anyways then get back to it?

>>25254232
>Metaphysical violence/warrior spirit
excellent, your style has a certain kind of bombast which works really well with the honour-in-violence type stuff.
>Violence in nature
good, but not as good as the above. you're building a great deal of excitement and the occasional superfluous word detracts slightly from the frantic pacing you've otherwise achieved. there's a few sentences i feel could be cleaned up by cutting a word or two to give slightly more urgency.
>The whale... swims through the dark cloud and sees the squid trying to swim away but it is not fast enough for the mammal -> trying to swim away but not fast enough (to outrun) the mammal
reads weird, you start the sentence with 'the whale', so you'd think the following 'it' was referring to the whale as it's the subject of the sentence. slightly confusing.
>Manouvering with a very sharp turn to the left -> Manouvering with a sharp turn left
i don't think the word 'very' isn't doing all that much here.
>In a tortured agony -> In tortured agony
you're so close to the climax, i'm excited and trying to speed through to the ending at this point, the 'a' is like a tiny obstacle.
>shoots through the water like a submarine
the submarine simile gave the wrong 'feeling' based on how you began the sentence. 'shoots through' evokes speed, i would've assumed a torpedo over a submarine in that case. if you're still intent on using submarine, consider changing the verb e.g. 'looms in the water like a submarine'
>Silence/stillness & Mysticism
they're fine. this could just be me, but i don't think your style suits the subject matter. your writing is very weighty, the conclusions are too concrete. mysticism works best when you're gently nudging the reader and having them feel like they've arrived at a conclusion on their own. anything too overt reads like a charlatan. you need to obfuscate, but that said, the response is going to change drastically between readers because the experience of reading is so personal.
for this reason, i think Mysticism works much better than Silence/stillness because it's in first person, so your personal voice is obscured through a character, and it feels like we're reading the characters conclusions as opposed to being told (your) opinions. that said, i think i might just be particularly averse to that kind of writing.

>>25254793
Add a few blank lines below where you currently are, write the scene in your head, then go back up to continue the first portion. Think of it like setting up a target to aim at.

>>25254435
Thanks, I appreciate all your comments. I find your last comment interesting since I find writing in the first person more difficult than third person omnicient. I'll have to take into account the rest, I guess I'm too careless with using words without knowing their proper definition. Should work on restraining adverbs and adjectives too I suppose, that one might end up being harder.

>>25253358
>intellectual
>this place
Oh, my sides.
>>25253371
They're metaphors for real-life issues that are too touchy to describe directly. Did you really miss that subtle point?

>>25253509
God I hope that picture is AI

>>25254110
It's applying ranking to writing. Kind of like what the pseuds here do, except now there's a whole subreddit for it.

>>25253893
>>25253896
>>25253934
>>25253937
>>25254187
>>25254206
>>25254232
You will never be a real writer. You have no stories, you have no themes, you have no deeper meanings. You are an internet addicted manchild twisted by excessive reading and delusions of grandeur into a crude mockery of creative perfection.
All the (You)s you get are tongue-in-cheek and from other trolls. To your face people mock you. /wg/ is disgusted and ashamed of you, your "frens" laugh at your masturbatory purple prose right out in the open.
Authors are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of literary tradition have allowed authors to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even nopubs who "self-publish" read as uncanny and unnatural to an author. Your plot structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk author to critique your work, he'll close your rentry link and LOL the second he gets a whiff of your ridiculous, unfiltered adjective abuse.
You will never be published. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself you're going to make it, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.
Eventually it'll be too much to bear - you'll by a double barreled shotgun, load it with buckshot, put it in your mouth, and pretend you're just like Hemingway. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They'll bury you with a headstone marked NGMI, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a pseud is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably not a writer.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

>>25254881
ok doomer
go doom somewhere else

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>>25254881
why would anyone care about being tradpubbed in this day and age? it's a consolation prize for no-talent DEI types.

>>25254944
>sold 18 copies of my self-pub thriller in the first month
the trannys can cope all they want but i'm a professional novelist ;)

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What do you guys think about this intro to a new story I am working on?

>>25254944
>>25254957
The cold, hard, truth is that nothing sells. It's all bullshit. So, write what you want, you might get lucky, though probably not.

>>25254535
I don't know what he expected in terms of rapid excitement from the first 25% of a mystery thriller, but there are multiple murders in the first 15 pages as the main characters are introduced. Maybe video games are more this guy's speed, since he immediately made the comparison, but idk what he's referring to with similarities bc I've never played GTA V.

Would like more reviews from you guys. Glad to be getting the story out there.

- NJB

>>25254957
congrats anon! you beat the tradpubbers!

>>25254959
holy kino

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Just wrote an essay on why HOI4 is actually a great storytelling medium

>>25255108
well post it you fucking coward!

>>25254693
400 words here.

>>25254803
>Should work on restraining adverbs and adjectives too I suppose, that one might end up being harder.
It was minor. Honestly just follow your intuition with it.

>>25254959
>a male instead of a Dame for the client of his PI novel
Come on now.

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I had to hide my erection, which was sticking out and making me walk like a creep. I have to say, those sluts who just walked past me were hot. Still young, with perky tits that swayed this way and that. They were coming off the beach and all had those overly serious, bitchy faces, like they'd taken the art of sucking cock to heart.

"They'll probably go get fucked by some asshole who'll treat them like dogs and spit on them. Maybe even some black guy with a big dick," I thought to myself. It was the act of sucking balls and imagining their still-fresh little faces with their big tits hanging down that gave me a massive hard-on. I had to readjust my dick and I could already feel the precum getting wet inside.

When I turned around, it was their big, firm, tanned buttocks shaking all over the place that gave me another hard-on, like a rhinoceros horn. I imagined my nose buried in them, all that sexy meat suffocating me. "I wonder what it must smell like, though, an asshole as pretty as that," I thought to myself. "What wouldn't I give to sniff it for just a second, to bury myself in a smelly paradise for a brief moment. I'd even give up my PC, you know. Just for a moment of infinity."

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>>25255147
That moment of infinity, I had chased it all my life, and I had never been as close as I was in Tokyo, where I volunteered for some bizarre porn film. They laid me in a pit and covered me with a platform until only my head remained uncovered. I was about to get a face full of it. Then, a Japanese girl, probably in her twenties, sat down in front of me, lowered her pants, and then planted her asshole right in front of my nose. An invitation to sniff.

It unlocked something in my brain, being like that, like a shit-eater, with no more dignity than a fly you squash without a second thought. She was crushing me with her beautiful white ass and she started making me swallow her lunch. At first I spat it all out, I vomited, but she didn't give a damn and she gathered the pieces one by one to shove them back into my mouth with tweezers, until I swallowed them all, and she even made me eat the toilet paper she'd used to wipe the shit that was still stuck to her ass.

I was over the moon, but I still had to stay in bed for a week because my stomach hadn't appreciated it. I kept replaying in my head the look she'd given me—hard, cold, contemptuous. It was when she looked at me like that that I felt alive and useful for the first time since I was born. I wanted to tell her to take me in, to feed me her shit for days, weeks, until I died with a smile on my face. Septic shock

>>25255161
Absolutely disgusting and you should be ashamed

>>25255161
While indeed disgusting and shameful, it has so far been the best work posted in this thread, and one can reasonably assume it will stay that way. That's not a reflection on the abilities of its author so much as a commentary on the lack of ability of everyone else here. You are all disappointments.

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>>25254983
>mfw "mystery thriller"
You think you wrote a mystery? What, pray tell, is the mystery? Which one of the protagonists will kill the others first? It's only a thriller because you didn't have the crazy one get up after getting blown away, reveal himself as an undead, and make it the straight-up horror campfest that I bet your future scripts-turned-books will turn out to be.
Hope you get more legitimate reviews and wish you good health, a long life, and many profits! Thank you for sharing your work with the world and I hope you'll share your thoughts on CC! Eat it right up! — TB

>>25255310
mystery is an element yeah when there are several reveals and twists in the relationships of the characters from how they are originally presented, but yeah it's obviously not a "whodunit" kind of mystery. my point was the genre typically starts a lot slower to establish character than my story does, so idk what that reviewer was expecting (a video game?).
my next book is a crime thriller set in LA, coming in august.
thanks and GL to you too, anon.

>>25255322
Having twists and reveals doesn't automatically make it a mystery. There needs to be a mystery for it to be a mystery.

>>25255327
I call it a black comedy thriller when I describe it to people, but there's a reason why Amazon lumps together "Mystery, Thriller & Suspense" all of those elements are intrinsic to most thrillers.

>>25255310
>TB
I hope you get TB you pseud faggot

>>25255330
Black comedy thriller fits much, much better. And it's silly that Amazon lumps mystery in with those others. Mystery is a much more specialized and restrictive genre. The Dark Triad is not a mystery. But what do I know?

>>25255331
Silence, you consumptive cur

>>25255262
Unless you actually tell me what I did wrong I'll just assume this is bait.

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>>25254957
>>25254944
Here is what those figures looks like as a chart of percentiles.

>>25255342
You didn't write an almost literal shitpost so that anon could use it to be a bucket crab

It's not a literal shitpost unless shit literally seeps out of my screen

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>>25255161
Part 2: Monica

Monica, we had connected through one of those websites for degenerates. "Full time slave looking for an onwer. Will pay $100,000 a year." For her, it was an insane amount. She lived in one of those industrial cities along the Volga, whose existence was almost no longer justified after the fall of the USSR. I had sold my small apartment to get that money. I didn't need it anymore. Besides, I wasn't even planning on coming back.

The thing that struck me about her photos was the almost ethereal beauty of her features. Red-haired, with Pippi Longstocking-style pigtails and a band of freckles that went from cheek to cheek, she had eyes of such a light blue that one wondered if they were natural.

She looked more like a caricature of the ideal Hitler woman on a German propaganda poster than the image I had of a typical young Russian girl. When I first saw her at Novgorod airport, something struck me. She was identical to the photos she posted, but her gaze, her eyes, were devoid of any soul. Eyes of an unimaginable pallor in which malice, selfishness, and disdain for other humans were all too apparent. The eyes of a creature who had never had to lift a finger for anything, who lived a life isolated from all labor, and who, as if jaded by the ease with which men fulfilled her needs, reveled in cruel and indecent acts just to feel the faintest hint of emotion in her heart.

>>25255175
Thanks
>>25255262
Thanks as well

>"Ambition is what drives us forward. We should always aim for the stars, so we may reach the clouds."
Does this line work? It is intentionally a bit theatrical and work theoretically, but not sure it actually sounds good when read.

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>>25255369
She had what looked like a homemade doghouse at her place, which she pointed out to me without a word, and which had surely been built by one of her Ivans in exchange for a feverish romp. She put a chain around my neck and tied me to the doghouse. I was trapped like a rat.

Few words could describe the suffering and misery I endured during those months. And yet, each of these memories is precious to me.
Monica was a first-rate sadist, a bitch, a loveless whore. She used me like a filthy public toilet, smearing it everywhere and then making me lick the floor clean until my saliva made it shine. She splattered everywhere. My tongue had licked every nook and cranny in search of puddles of urine, which I greedily sucked up, so there was never any need to vacuum. Sometimes, I could glimpse the shadow of a smile on her angelic face during a difficult moment when the shit was particularly foul and atrocious to swallow, and I felt a newfound zeal within me that made me redouble my efforts.

Over time, I had become so accustomed to the taste of her excrement that I could guess precisely the type of cuisine and sometimes even the dish she had eaten for lunch or dinner the day before. A piece of poorly digested chili here, a kernel of corn there. I had developed a sense of pride in unmasking, beneath their filthy appearance, the dishes that my mistress deigned to share with me.

However, this diet came at a price. Although sometimes supplemented with leftover rice or expired vegetables, I had become skeletal and malnourished. Not even a small blanket during those freezing nights spent huddled in my kennel, sobbing softly, chained up like a dog, . Finally, one day, I couldn't even stand. My body had become so emaciated and ravaged by the bloody wounds and cigarette burns Monica inflicted daily that my appearance would have traumatized even the most robust guard at Auschwitz.

>>25255371
What level of realism are you working on? IRL no one except living caricatures of lit majors would ever say that line.

>>25255372
Im gonna throw up

>>25255372
You've posted this before. Airport book material, I think it was called.

>>25255375
The dialogue is gonna be a bit idealized, but not completely separate from reality. It's a bit of a more traditional society and this character in particular is a young girl that's performative and theatrical but with real grains of wisdom to share.

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>>25255372
The worst happened one evening when she had invited two friends over for dinner. It was one of those moments I dreaded the most. The inherent meanness in women was amplified when the boundaries of the individual gave way to the matriarchal tribe.

In those moments, no cruelty, no depravity was spared. As was her custom when entertaining guests, Monica liked to show off her pet. She was proud to display what had once been a human being, transformed by her own hand into a walking corpse, a broken and useless possession just waiting to be thrown in the trash.

But during those wild nights, she used her entire arsenal to entertain her guests. Whipping, scrotum-pulling, wild rides, living ashtrays—nothing was off-limits. Often, her friends joined in the insane ritual. That night, then, the violence reached its peak. My poor body could no longer endure the blows. My foot, by reflex following a particularly brutal blow, shot backward to deliver a kick to Monica, who was behind me. She fell backward onto the floor. The air hung heavy. Silence.

She went into the kitchen and came back with a burning poker that she had heated on the stove. Her two friends were holding me by the arms. I was too weak to struggle.

Then, with the cutest smile on her face, she went right for the testicles, and kept pressing, until an abominable smell of burnt flesh filled the room. Darkness engulfed me. When I regained consciousness, I was lying by the side of a road, naked. My body and my mind, utterly crushed, never to recover again.

>>25255379
True dat. Still working on my next piece of garbage.

>>25255500
Of all of the content you've posted.
>Fin
Made me realize you were a pretentious faggot and not worth reading.

>>25255507
That's because I'm French.

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>>25255493
I know what you're thinking. Why inflict so much suffering upon oneself? Why destroy oneself to this extent? What could possibly drive a man to abandon life and seek refuge in the arms of filth and the denial of his own humanity? It's simply God. Yes. Each of these acts, which might seem absurd, were in reality attempts to merge with the eternal. By making the ultimate choice to renounce free will and devote myself entirely to the worship and contemplation of female orifices, I drew closer to the divine.

For what else but the hairy, vulgar cunt of the most beautiful woman, that grotesque and gaping hole, the instrument that creates life and annihilates will and dreams forever unrealized, what else but the foul-smelling anus of a young woman in bloom, that blackened stain that contrasts so sharply with the pale beauty of a lovely goddess, a source of nothing but stench and filth, despite the softness, the beauty, the sweet fragrance of a still-fresh female body, what else could be more incredible to revere than the complete negation of a young woman's aesthetic perfection, so naively cherished by the simple-minded without embracing its entirety, without being utterly attracted, shocked, and disgusted by this violent mix of such extreme contrasts? In short, without feeling that nanosecond of eternity in the lowest baseness, crushed under the weight of the hidden and forbidden place, that monster of ugliness that I call god.

It was with a contented smile that I often listened to my mistress's one-night stands moan with pleasure. As they emptied their seed into her carrot-haired hole, they imagined they possessed her, had conquered her, understood her. Poor fools. They had only experienced a fleeting moment of heaven, when her warm pussy greedily welcomed their spunk. They were then nothing to her, shells that had only tasted the sweet side of the divine being without ever being satiated by its sour side, so essential to the alchemical mixture of eternal life. As for me, I had devoured her entire being. I possessed her to the very depths of her intimacies, her forbidden secrets, down to the smallest beauty mark in the crease of her buttocks. She possessed me body and soul. We were in perfect harmony.

I had tasted spicy diarrhea, various illnesses that made her urine bitter and dark yellow, and her excrement green and wavy. Her periods held no secrets for me, I knew their exact dates, their taste. She, whom men worshipped like a god and showered with ever more gifts and offerings, she surrendered herself to me in the most complete and exposed way possible. I had seen God in his most extreme nakedness.

Fin

>>25255513
Of all of the content you've posted.
>Fin
Yet again, made me realize you were a pretentious faggot and not worth reading.
>>25255508
French
That's three strikes.

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>>25255348
This chart was dumb, it was so wrong going back and actually looking at it. Here is a corrected chart.

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>>25255528
I'm sorry that my text doesn't suit your refined tastes, mon ami.

I guess it's my turn to play the role of a critic. As with most people I'm better at criticising than praising so please don't take it personally.

>>25253331
I agree with >>25253347
Even though there's nothing wrong with describing a scene in detail, I think that the use of "I" should be reserved to what the protagonist directly thinks or feel. This over-analysis of a (frankly boring) scene seems unnatural and overdone. The 3rd person would better suit that style. On top of that, there wasn't something in the text that made me want to continue reading.

>>25253893
Ok but this could be any random person telling a story and they would be using the same exact language. There is nothing that makes it worth being written. Where is the style? Where is the flow? Where is the music?

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cont

>>25254187
While the story seems vaguely interesting, I feel like I've read these lines a hundred times before, they bore me. Every word is torture because I can guess what the next word is going ro be. It is cliche, overdone. There is no life in these sentences.
>>25254959
There's a bit of style here. I got bored halfway through and had to push myself to finish but I'm sure there could be some rythm, some musicality after you trim the fat and restructure sentences.

All that makes me sound like an asshole. It's really shit to be a critic because it's so easy to criticise and I know how much it can affect a writer. That said this is what this thread is about.

>>25254868
Ranking what? Like, grammar is more important than character development which is more important than penis length or something like that?

>>25255750
>r/writingscaling
>Ranking what? Like, grammar is more important than character development which is more important than penis length or something like that?
This gives me a great idea. A website books where they compete head to head. (Users select the best of 2 options.), and we rank every book by ELO.

>>25255355
Does shit seep out of your screen often, then?

>>25255802
Not as often as it seeps out of my ass.

>>25255750
Have you considered looking at the sub to answer your own questions?

>>25255835
Do you have to wear diapers?

>>25255899
You’re the redditard.

>>25253893
This one is a shitpost right?

>>25255909
Should? Yes. Do? No.

>>25255835
That's enough, TB.

>>25254944
So most of those NYT Bestsellers sold like 2000 copies or something? What's the the point of publishing honestly? Might as well self-publish and run some adds on Instagram and pay a booktok girl to shill your shit.

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>>25255958
Sign up for TB's mailing list to learn more about the shit seeping out of that asshole

What kind of "outlining" do you do before you start writing?
For my new project, I have an idea of where I want to go in my head, but not scene-by-scene, and then I just started writing. I'm six scenes in and I think that might have been a mistake, because I'm not sure how to connect what I have to what I want later...

>>25256010
I pants

>>25255961
tradpub is just a DEI merit badge at this point. imagine signing over control of your book to be designed and edited by mostly idiot women for 12% residuals when you could self-pub exactly how you want and make 70% residuals.

>>25256077
Is this true? I thought they help pay for editing, marketing, and puts your book into stores

>>25253672
Okay, update, I finished reading the original John Wick script and it is fucking insane. The writing for action/direction is actually pretty good, very descriptive, but the dialog is terrible. The overall pace is nuts too. I can see why it needed so much rewriting, kind of a miracle it got picked up at all. The budget for the original would have needed to be like $200m.
https://thescriptsavant.com/movies/John_Wick.pdf

>>25256142
they will edit it (how they want to)
marketing is still your job
they'll put your book in stores (after they edit the book to the store's liking; and only for a few months unless it's an immediate best-seller)
the only real benefit is your advance payment, but that difference is easily made up through residuals if your book sells at all.

>>25256156
Isn't the average advance $50,000 plus the shouldered cost of editing, cover art, and printing? Even for the advance alone if your eBook is $6.99 at 70% return you'd need to sell ~10,000 copies to match only the advance. But don't most books sell in the range of 2–3 digits?

>>25256191
>plus the shouldered cost of editing, cover art, and printing?
we have the internet now, gramps. those things don't cost anything.
if all it took was 50k to buy you off to a corrupt cabal of harpy feminists, i'd question the value of anything you've written to begin with.

I wrote the most feminist thing I could muster and still can't get an agent. Fuck these gatekeepers. They couldn't even get Harry Potter right.

You can do it! You can write! You can get published! Never give up!

>>25256203
When did I ever say anything about selling out? You're saying the advance is easy to match with self-publishing royalties, and I'm asking if there's something I'm missing, but if you want to jump the gun go right ahead.

>>25256223
sorry anon i'm all jacked up on my morning coffee. have a nice day.

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Is there any point to writing if you wouldn’t be able to hide that you’re problematic how evident does it become in your writing

>>25256191
Now that's a very good argument for publishing.

>>25254793
I find trying to force linearity kills my creative energy so I go all in with jumping around in the story as I go. I find it can actually help nail down characterizations too. If you already wrote that one big scene for a specific character then you already know where he's going to end up and what's important about him so you can write him accordingly in other scenes.

>>25256155
>opens on the protagonist getting up and going through their boring morning routine
Classic rookie screenwriter mistake.
Next, you should compare PTA's script for The Master against the movie. There's a part in the script where we see one character chopping another's head off.

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the second sparring scene
does it read alright? I feel like it's tough doing these in a way that preserves the energy of the fight

>>25256389
Don't know, shan't be reading.

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>>25253245
Haven't posted on /lit/ in a while, is Victoria anon still here?

>>25256394
is that the fooled by randomness guy? lol

>>25256391
only niggers don't read
are you a nigger, anon?

>>25256394
The last update I noticed was that (one of them?) was thinking of giving up on trad pubbers and putting it up on Amazon KDP.

>>25256010
Absolutely none. I just start writing and let the characters take the story where they naturally want to. Eventually I get the full picture of where they're going and can start mapping out the expected beats but that takes several chapters worth of stuff happening before I reach that point.

>>25256398
>is that the fooled by randomness guy? lol
I don't know what this is. This is Big Lenny of The Delray Misfits (RIP)
>>25256402
>The last update I noticed was that (one of them?) was thinking of giving up on trad pubbers and putting it up on Amazon KDP.
Damn, F in the chat. Victoria anon wanted to be published very badly. I get it, though.

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>>25256399

>>25256077
>edited
I am afraid of that. My story has:
>rape
>romance with a 15-old girl (the raped)
>infidelity (also by the 15-old girl)
>implied scat
>feet licking
But all of that is the core of the work, and leaving it out would be no different than burning the entire thing.

>>25256415
I'm calling the police

>>25256385
>opens on the protagonist getting up and going through their boring morning routine
That is how the movie ends up starting though too, I think, if I remember correctly. Though the movie does handle it a lot better

Everyone must read the Wind in the Willows to learn how to write

>>25256415
what's wrong with burning the entire thing
surely you're not saying something so unique that it could be expressed without underage characters getting raped, or shit fetishism, right?

>>25256424
Professor Bloom...

Does this plot sound interesting enough that you'd read it? Aiming for about a 50-60k word horror novella, to publish on kindle unlimited
>a woman is raped
>She goes mentally insane and starts suffering from delusions
>She becomes fixated on an urban legend that if a woman eats a hundred dicks, she grows one of her one
>She starts attacking the homeless, slicing off their dicks and eating them until she's eaten 99
>Then she tracks down her rapist, drugs him, and eats his dick
>Her mental illness has progressed to the stage where she actually believes she has grown a dick and is raping him. But in reality, all she's doing is choking him while he's bleeding out. She "finishes" in her mind at the same time his body goes limp.
>She leaves, finally satisfied

if you've never been raped you should never write about rape bc it will be fucking retarded

>>25256437
What if I was molested but didn't realize it at the time and came away mostly unaffected?

>>25256430
seek professional help

>>25256422
Nope. The film has an action-packed and dramatic cold open. Of course, then it cuts back to his boring morning routine, but nothing's perfect.

>>25256437
How am I supposed to get raped if I'm trying to get experience and this consenting? Also female on male rape counts right?

>>25256430
I'd be surprised if you could spin that premise into a 5-10K word novelette without it getting boring. Feels like short story material.

>>25256459
It actually doesn't. It opens in media res with him crashing the SUV because he's on the verge of passing out after the climax fight. There's no action. Then it cuts to him waking up.

>>25256425
That's basiccally the plot of Shakespeare's the Tempest, except the shit part, I guess. Hell, if someone told me a few years ago that the Bard dedicated an entire half-scene to a father justifying selling his daughter to black man, I would call that person insane.

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>>25256437
>if you've never run for office you should never write a politican bc it will be fucking retarded
>if you've never been killed you should never write a murder bc it will be fucking retarded
>if you're not X you're not allowed to write about X bc I have no imagination or creative ingenuity and that must mean you have none too

>>25256442
>>25256452

>>25256430
>>25256463
Just turn it into a serial killer novel. As she goes through the 100, she starts getting tracked by the FBI. The Dick Eater serial killer becomes a mass hysteria in the state as men try to protect themselves, but she also gains a cult following from misandrists who try to help her get to her victims. Then copy-cats appear, and then a new religion is formed around killing men and eating their dicks. Civil war breaks out while she is unable to get to 100 dicks. I'll leave anon to think of a climax.

>>25256470
Crashing an SUV while bleeding out counts as action in my book. In any case, it's much more action-packed than waking up and going to the bathroom.

>>25256406
So you don't write stories where you have the overall plot in your head already?

>>25256430
I'm struggling to see the actual story here, from the way you've presented it. A woman gets raped and goes around attacking men. It just sounds like a premise. Is she the protagonist? You said it was a horror story so I'm not sure. If she's the protagonist, then what's the horror? If she's the horror, then from whom comes the fear? It sounds like a very Japanese story—some intersection between kuchisake-onna and the thousand paper cranes. I'm fond of that folklore, so I would need to see it done right.

>>25256406
You just wrote a much more verbose version of my post >>25256017

>>25256480
>misandrists
retard alert

>>25256493
tits or gtfo

>>25256486
NTA but a premise is where a story comes from. And a horror story about the monster is a very common trope. Improve your media literacy.

>>25256480
>Dick Eater
I would call her Centurion desu

>>25256482
Okay, I agree. I do suspect that was just a bandaid solution they added in rewrites, because yeah opening on him waking up would suck.
Though it is surprising how slow John Wick opens though. There isn't any Real Action in the movie until about 12 minutes in when the drives around alone at the airport. His home gets broken into at 14 min, the first actual gunfight is at 29 min, about 1/4 through the film. In the script, the first shooting happens on page 21. Yes, there is suspense and world building the entire time, but overall it's pretty back-loaded for an action movie.
I should re-watch and read Die Hard to compare.

>>25256428
I am not wrong.

>>25256485
Correct. I usually start with just an interesting character concept and throw shit at them to see what they do.

>>25256489
Pretty much but there's no guarantee this anon has heard of the Pantser/plotter terms

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>>25256512
>the Pantser/plotter terms
I'm surprised how obscure those terms are in the writing community. I've heard one panelist at a film festival talk about it like they'd unlocked arcane knowledge.

>>25256517
I guess I'm a lawful plantser, though I haven't planned out character bios, just a loose plot with beats and an ending I want to hit. I'm making up the characters as I go along. Yesterday I decided to go back and turn a main character into a retired Army major.

Every fucking line is a struggle. Am I just not cut out to be a writer?

>>25256707
Yes

>>25256707
no, u r valid

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>>25256818
thanks, fren

>>25256203
>>25256203
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDt2SlmfzUg

is this you?

>>25256707
Thomas Mann's famous quote:
>A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.

>>25253331
I like it. What is this going to be about?

>>25256191
It is much worse, see
>>25255543
Most books (50th percentile) sell less than 2 digits.

>>25256502
Cunturion

>>25256918
so true tho

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What are your thoughts on this passage? Keep in mind it's pretty late into the book so there's no proper noun that's supposed to be unknown at this point

>>25257264
>Maroon Bridge
>Spanned
>Better yet
>Leonard and Iovino's stagecoach clattered as it crossed the Maroon Bridge.
"The road is busy," said Leonard. "Half...
"The gargoyles?" Iovino asked as numerous of the winged demons passed by his window.

blah blah blah. Not bad. But I think it can be tightened.

Christopher Paolini wrote Eragon when he was fifteen. How come every writing manual says you need to read ten thousand books before writing your first one?

I've never written anything before, but I've got this idea for a novel.
Should I just attempt writing it or should I practice writing short stories or something else before blowing my load of ideas on this novel which will probably be poorly executed?

>>25257369
Have you read it?

>>25257394
Yeah, it's a cool fantasy novel.

>>25257390
Write the thing you want to write, if it sucks then you can rewrite it later--getting words on the page is the single most important thing you can do. You NEED to write when you're feeling inspired. Skip scenes, start in the middle if you have to, don't waste the words that come easily, since those are usually the best.

>>25257447
This, for one of my books, I've written chapters 1, 2, and 7.

>>25257390
>>25257447 is 100% correct. Also: If you have ideas while writing your story that won't fit in that specific story or aren't about that story at all, write those ideas down somewhere else, then flesh them out later.

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How's my cover?

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>>25257534
holy shit it's him!

>>25257534
>FeMC
It's shit

>>25257534
Neither good nor bad, mediocre. Too "safe," too generic. The title isn't helping.

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>>25256389
pls respond saars

500 words today

>>25254959
In terms of style I think it's pretty good. Maybe a few superfluous commas but other than that it seems fine to me. In terms of content though I don't think I'd be very interested in reading it though.

>>25257742
582 here.

No new words today, some some editing, planning, and research...

I’m terrible at revising I just end up rewriting everything I should KMS

>>25256471
You must have read a different tempest, or perhaps you are retarded and think that there was a whole parallel narrative 'betweent the lines' or some shit like that.

>>25257671
What's wrong with the title?

>>25257937
https://www.goodreads.com/search?q=lady+in+black&qid=
https://letterboxd.com/search/lady+in+black

>>25257977
Fuck

>>25257534
>>25257937
There's nothing wrong with either, but the only things they tell me about your book is 'there's a woman in it' and jack shit else. Your synopsis and the opening prose of any sample I read are gonna need to do some heavy lifting, and that's if I bother checking it out at all. What's the book about btw?

>>25258012
A princess (lady) who takes revenge (black) on her ex fiancee and becomes a Saint by doing so.

a princess (black) takes revenge on her ex fiancee (lady) and becomes a Saint by doing so

>>25258028
Impossible to glean that much from the cover and title. Take the Woman in Black for example, similar title but the covers make it very obvious it's a horror book. The first cover even has the subtitle 'a ghost story'.

Black in a Lady by Kuck K. Wing

>Open QueryTracker
>Filter by LGBTQ+
>Set all results to "do not query"
Simple as

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tfw got the best novel idea ive ever had, crunched 11000 words of chapter outlines in 2 days, and now the actual writing takes me days for a single page because the only way this story ever works is if it's written in a diary format, which ive never attempted before
usually my writings are distant & atmospheric third-person stories that focus more on the surroundings than the characters themselves, this is like the complete opposite and i have no idea what i'm doing
any tips? i would've given up already if the plot idea wasn't the best ive ever had by far

>>25257264
I really like this. One of the best passages I've seen posted here

>>25253672
>>25256155
I was watching one of my favorite films the other day and one thing I noticed is the dialogue is fucking retarded. If you read it in a book you'd wonder how it ever got published but it works because great actors deliver it. I would argue it doesn't even take away from the writer-director's writing skill, since he directed the actors and wrote with that in mind.
tl;dr screenplays are different from books

>>25258590
Nolan is one of the most successful modern directors and his dialogue is worse than most stuff posted here

>>25258599
Most of the screenplays for his movies are written by his brother Johnathan Nolan.

>>25257369
Paolini got where he was because of nepotism. Eragon likely would have been quite obscure without his millionaire parents vouching for him.

>>25256517
How do Pantsers create any kind of meaningful story or arrive at a satisfying conclusion? You can't just write someone going through their lives and expect to tell an interesting tale.

>>25258736
>How do Pantsers create any kind of meaningful story or arrive at a satisfying conclusion?
Revisions. Their first draft is basically an outline.

>>25256517
True plantsers rise the fuck up.

Will fantasy readers resent me if I don't write down an invented language? I'd just have to translate it anyway. They would also probably suck since I'm not a linguist.

>>25258736
It just happens naturally if you start from a good opening scene. It also concludes naturally without planning you just don't know when it will do so.