“Why haven’t we seen anyone for ages, has humanity gone extinct?” I mumbled.Lilli answered, “I don’t know, Ami but I’m freezing but I don’t think we’re getting out of this snow anytime soon.”“I guess you’re right about not getting out, I see a whole mountain of it over there, like skyscraper height.”It is true that there is a giant wall of snow. However, one thing Ami didn’t mention is right below the wall, there’s a small town with what seems to have working lights but if humanity is extinct besides them, how is there working electricity?They’re currently on a mountain, I’d be careful sliding down. You don’t know what’s down there.The rest is here: https://pastebin.com/uif31JPL
>>25319240i like it, it has soul
bait
>>25319240this is what /wg/ >>25311756 and /wng/ >>25316683 are for. But they're both near or at the bump limit, so I guess you get a pass.The first thing I'd recommend is to read it out loud, because sentences like this is are strenuous:>However, one thing Ami didn’t mention is right below the wall, there’s a small town with what seems to have working lights but if humanity is extinct besides them, how is there working electricity?There is a natural instinct to put a period after "lights." If read aloud, one would feel compelled to take a breath there. I scanned the rest, and it has ambition but needs brevity. If it's really two girls alone in the snow, would they really feel the need to say each other's name every other sentence? Who else could they be talking to?I appreciate the effort, OP. Narratively, it's got a glow to it.
>>25319240>whole mountain...skyscraper height pros, reads like caraterescu. cons, caraterescu reads like shit
