>>25564662
I'm mentally ill

The cashier held the underside of my hand in hers while she handed me my change today. That's a new one.

Man reading about your own country's history just fucking sucks cock doesn't it? It's just getting btfo over and over again by RNG in the weirdest of places and also by literal oogabooga niggers that failed upwards.

Me in the middle as behooves the protagonist

I can only dream

>>25564673
>also by literal oogabooga niggers that failed upwards.

That's how my country got its start lol

"You think you saved the world and then your home team wins the World Series for the first time in their history that year?

I don't know, kid. I think you did something. Something strange. Something science may dismiss, but I have some feeling about it I can't completely explain."

>>25564680
Most of my country's history is squarely a very stupid tragicomedy.

>>25564766
Most of the time self-inflicted. But not always. And sometimes, the cruel writer of history decides to give you the lightest hint of hope.

>>25564673
Some bitched smiled to me today. I'm getting too friendly.

I'm in agony. I underestimated how much pain I would experience post-surgery. The codeine hardly takes the edge off. I've got one morphine pill left but feel as if I might need it later, and it reacts badly to the ketamine I have been microdosing to fight off the pain throughout the day.

Happy birthday, 4chan. I always try to post once somewhere in 4chan for the occasion.

This place has changed a lot, I first started posting in 2005 because someone on the newgrounds forum told me if I only like to argue, then 4chan is where people like me belong.

Silly to have any sympathies, but I sometimes think “I should go back and post more on /lit/ or /b/ “ but the culture has changed so much. Regardless, many good memories.

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>>25564662
I'm so fucking lazy and yet also overly ambitious
I've got enough notes to write a 700-page novel but not the energy to write one page
I should set myself on fire
But im excited for Halloween. What r u guys reading for Halloween

Shall I include more attention-seeking suicide threats in my posts, to get your attention better, or would it be better to just skip to death threats?

>>25564822
Can you stop? If there’s something you want then ask for it directly.

Maybe I should try my hand at writing screenplays/teleplays. I think I could write a good TV show. Certainly easier than a novel.

>>25564803
Your 4chan age is now old enough to drink!

>>25564830
I want you to validate my confession regarding my lifelong spiritual absence caused by the death of my brother, in preparation for me to give the same message to me mother who I feel has had the same problem in not processing this grief

Last night I had a dream where I conversated with a middle-school crush. It was the happiest I've felt in months. I was deeply upset when I woke up and realized it was merely a dream.

>>25564857
That's the way she goes for sure

I’ve been thinking about my first day at university. I went to a club with my mate. walking back, this girl came up to me from a big group and went ‘you’re beautiful.’ I didn’t know anyone in the city beside my one friend and my new flatmates who were all lame. she said ‘add me on facebook tomorrow. you better do it!’ as we parted my friend I went out with (a loner like me) just kind of looked at me. we went back to his and I didn’t talk about it much, I ended up falling asleep on his beanbag. I never added her. of course I didn’t.

You have apophenia

>The work has been described as a tribute to the waltz; the composer George Benjamin, in his analysis of La valse, summarized the ethos of the work: "Whether or not it was intended as a metaphor for the predicament of European civilization in the aftermath of the Great War, its one-movement design plots the birth, decay and destruction of a musical genre: the waltz."[1] But Ravel denied that La valse is a reflection of post-World War I Europe, saying, "While some discover an attempt at parody, indeed caricature, others categorically see a tragic allusion in it—the end of the Second Empire, the situation in Vienna after the war, etc... This dance may seem tragic, like any other emotion... pushed to the extreme. But one should only see in it what the music expresses: an ascending progression of sonority, to which the stage comes along to add light and movement."[2] Ravel also said in 1922, "It doesn't have anything to do with the present situation in Vienna, and it also doesn't have any symbolic meaning in that regard. In the course of La Valse, I did not envisage a dance of death or a struggle between life and death. (The year of the choreographic setting, 1855, repudiates such an assumption.)"[3]

aka
>people overinterpret a purely aesthetic work of art
many such cases

>>25564867
Death of the author o algo.

That said there are probably more resonant examples. That one Brückner performance from 1944, for example. That one is genuinely interested in it's unspoken baggage.

>>25564877
>That one Brückner performance from 1944, for example. That one is genuinely interested in it's unspoken baggage.
??

Go on! I love me some Bruckner but I have no idea what you're referring to.

a three-day party. sleeping on your bed. miss aggravation. lots of questions. some marijuana. if you’ve got some. stay all day.

>>25564880
I got the date wrong. It is a performance of his seventh Symphony from 1942. Famously, this composition played over the German Radio before and after announcing Hitler's death.

The composition is already Melancholic as it is. But I think this performance adds a something to it. Maybe I'm imagining it because of the context.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnK_BhuCcdc&t=732s

>>25564892
I think it's exquisite. Though. Ironically my first introduction to Brückner was a torturer in a Magical realism novel. Some odd metaphor for intelligence, Nazi advisors, etc.

I came to on the beaches of Jupiter, thanking grandfather for having not eaten us. It was on those Florida shores we first knew bliss and it was so eerily stripped from us in vehicular manslaughter, the loss of our son, the court's issue. Work had already issued us relocation to some mis-named American state so we went ahead acting as if no else mattered. At first nobody in the audience listened, then we the actors quit listening to eachother, and then stopped listening to ourselves. 31 years I have lain dead, 31 years. Listen to my last words any world, listen to my last words, you men of the board.

hitler is dead

>>25564910
Most of his supporters were heart-broken. Some so much so they basically recreated Christianity from first principles to cope with it.
Those some are the so-called Esoteric Hitlerists, for the most part. But IMO any attempt to read some sort of 'Secret Victory' into German defeat in WW2 corresponds to the same impulse.

>>25564662
I don't wanna finish my multiple novel and writing projects because I'm afraid I'd have spent a bunch of time on a mediocre literary project.

You think it's funny I'm saying 'you think it's funny I'm pouring my actual heart out over here'

>>25564913
I think accounting is the secret and Jews will always win until you understand that like they do

For what it's worth I do think you are all very bad friends and extremely poor readers of messages, and none of you have the courage to response to this accusation with anything more that a cynical joke you stole from someone else

What would you do.... if I sang out of tune...
fuck you didn't even set me up...
Lend... me your ears... and I'll write you a post... and I'll try not not mispell things...
*silence*
oooh I get
*silence*
...
*silence*

>>25564913
I mean it, btw. Transformig the war-like Messiah into the Saviour is effectively what Devi and Serrano do with Hitler. Though Devi, maybe because she was bona fides European, is imo much more sober about it; she incorporates him into a fairly well defined system she has a solid grasp on and studies seriously. Mr. Mibel Sabango bounces around all over the place with whatever the fuck, which I'm sure is really stimulating if this is your first encounter with Latin American Esoteric thought.
>>25564921
The Jews win because they are of Time, and only Kalki (AKA future mega-hitler) can restore the ideal Aryan State of the world in a new Satya Yuga.

I get BY with a little NEGLECT from my THERAPIST

>>25564933
>The Jews win because they are of Time, and only Kalki (AKA future mega-hitler) can restore the ideal Aryan State of the world in a new Satya Yuga.
Which is to say the keep a budget according to a schedule, which is to say they account. You don't have to attempt their esoteric language, you can just learn basic accounting

YEAH BABY I'm *IGNORED NO MATTER WHAT* *I POST* yeah baby its *NO* *BODY* *CARES* *FOR MY POSTS* yeah easy baby honey mmm *BI CAUSE I AM FORCED TO FUCK MEN*

how would you feel if i kept you secret?

>>25564854
Why is it the responsibility of anyone here to do that for you? Seek help from the people you have irl relationships with instead of manipulatively demanding attention from strangers online.

>>25564935
Within Devis system Hitler was bound to fail because his Methods were more Sun (AKA trying to to bring about a return to a higher era) and than Lightning (the material forces of time). Kalki is supposed to perfectly combine this and bring about the turning of the ages. So he will be an epic Nazi but presumably better off economically.

>>25564939
If I were to tell you a story would you keep it to yourself and not tell anyone else? As you've done before... and if I was to pass you on a secret would you lock it up inside a room full of keys, so it wouldn't get lost? I was walking down a road one day when I saw a building that was falling to decay. Underneath all the rocks and the rubble and the threes were a million books of forgotten memories. So I crawled inside and gathered them up (as anybody would) to my surprise they just happened to be a complete mirror image of life story.

>>25564940
It's important to me to probe strangers for what about my life they might find beautiful or else I won't be able to find authentic friends

>>25564662
Incredible researcher who is inexorably driven to find anything he sets his mind to. But he is only intereste din Interracial cuckporn. Tragic character.

>>25564941
The Ancient Mayans always knew the importance of the Calendar and rightfully placed their universe and reality around it. I hold their discipline story regarding Xolotl's dimunation dear especially because I too have experienced running into becoming a trans frog out of unwillingness to pay.

>>25564945
Nothing about you is interesting. Go away.

>>25564951
I've just shapeshifted into a more hermaphroditic entity into a smaller puddle, you nominative motherfucker

>>25564948
Maybe a different phenomenon entirely. My beloved mesoamericans.
What is a dimunation?
>I too have experienced running into becoming a trans frog out of unwillingness to pay.
That was the Chemicals in the war.

You could reach out to me if you wanted to. I can’t reach out to you. You know why.

being tall is good, basically a life hack, but it also ruins the hollywood movie moments where you stand and look at a girl almost eye to eye. if there was no such thing as a dating scene/modern world public imagination and i was just alone with a girl in the universe i’d rather be 5’7.

>>25564960
I meant 'diminution' and I mean you're abusing my shapeshifting abilities by making me small gay and retarded from the mighty death-god I am into a little hermaphroditic axolotl based on princples I don't pay to because I never agreed to in the first place, and if you chase me down and take what I took such measures to protect from me, then you will be held in cosmic contempt whether you be luminous winged serpent or not

>one chance at life
>born in Australia.

>>25564662
It's hard to dislike Social engineers and scientists, Imo. They're so non-chalant about like their schemes for the transformation, taming, and domestication of Mankind.

A guy who sits down every day to subvert the will of mankind and he is a meek academic writing dumb little papers. At least Bernays was elitist.

>>25564975
lol

There was this chubby, not very attractive girl who used to hang out with me in highschool. I never paid much attention to her, but I guess she was into me: always hugging me, resting her head on my chest or my shoulders, laughing at every stupid joke I made, and trying to get alone with me. She wasn't good looking: always had bad hair, acne, was slightly chubby, yet had something appealing, I don't know. She was smart, or rather bookish, and a weeb, I don't know. I was reading Houellebecq's Extension du domaine de la lutte, and I got reminded of her. I wonder what's been of her, I know she got into Law School.

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writing a novel about someone turning thirty (i’m 23).

>>25564991
Men really see unattractive women as subhuman non-entities.

>>25564947
Yeah.

Unblock me :(

>>25565004
Is the point of this "story" to prove how "clever" you are?

>>25564991
Maybe I'm more Raped than you but I would immediately clock that. A woman I'm not related to is being nice to me? Something nefarious is afoot! It's happened at least thrice.
>>25565005
Welcome to INCELWELT, we hope you enjoy your stay because there is NO ESCAPE. The sexual marketplace spares no one.
But more seriously a lot of guys do have girls very obviously pining for them (in that stupid way of assertive flirting only women and me seem to identify) and either never notice them or don't care. But I don't care this is particularly worthy of condemnation.

>>25565013
naturally.

>>25564962
lmao are u the dude who was stalking his therapist no she's not going to reach out to u lmao

>>25565033
No, I’m not a man.

damn i'm moving and packing all my books that i never had shelf space for and i forgot i have a copy of that new celine book that dropped like a year ago

>>25565037
hot algerian chick ?

Only reason I managed to get this thing working is because some random guy posted something necessary for it on the internet 20 years ago and it miraculously survived the gradual degredation of the internet. Really not a fan of how common this is.

>>25565046
moot?

>>25564803
If you were a real oldfag you would know how to create a real trip
And then you would kill yourself for being a tripfag

i walk on my heels; the ground trembles underfoot. on my nightstand is a chewed-up sheet of bloody paper and a few spare fingernails

>>25564803
oh shit frater assholeman lmao fuck nameguys but what up bro lmao

>>25565028
Then nobody will read your garbage. People read for their own benefit, not for the benefit of the author. Change your ways or give up, fag.

>>25565053
No, I'm not a faggot. What made you think I was?

I use nitrous a lot, and sometimes it makes me feel like my brain is bleeding. I know it's not, but it's still kind of uncomfortable.

>neighbors dogs come up to my as im getting home from work
>they seem friendly so do the little "hey buddy" thing and try to pet one
>it fucking bites me and starts barking like crazy

>>25565074
i’ll do that.
there’s really no way around vanity though. orwell said, when answering his own question, why i write, that his leading motive was the desire to be thought clever, to be talked about by people he had never met

>>25565084
bro read that book happy at any cost or whatever about the zappos guy who killed himself while doing nitrous that shit sounds mad sketch

>>25565089
Meh, it's really not all too bad. Honestly, the shittiest thing that occasionally happens is where it feels like my mind has been stripped of flesh, and that everything I sense feels like its puncturing raw nerves.
Pretty shitty, admittedly, but most of the time I'm fine.

>>25565084
nitrus always sounded like such a shit high. it’s funny that the rich and famous were doing that instead of quality cocaine or pure mdma. and they could only get it by inviting their stupid fucking annoying dentist over. i guess no matter how big you get you can’t get around the annoying dynamics of the drug market.

>>25565096
It's really not that shitty, but I guess it depends on your specific psychological orientation.
I have schizophrenia, so it technically causes me to go briefly insane, but it's very fun, and allows me to explore my mind in much more vivid ways than conventional introspection.

>>25565087
But people don't read Orwell because Orwell himself wanted to be read. People read Orwell because they've been assigned him in high school, or cuz they're retardedly invested in modern politics. The point is that they read him for their own purposes. Sure, you can desire to be felated by the masses, but that isn't enough to get them to felate you; you need to uphold your end of the bargain in order to reap your side of the rewards. Or, in other words, you can relish in the praise people heap upon your writing, but you need to give them a real reason to praise it in the first place. It's a Chinese-finger-trap-type situation: you need to deny your vanity and desire for praise in order to write well --- and once you no longer want praise, praise will come your way.
From your excerpt I don't think you're a bad writer. You're just misguided. Try writing a story that will help someone other than yourself. Think about a person you pity, or think about the lessons you'd want to teach your younger self, then try and make that into a story. It should be easy enough. And when you've written it, you'll see that your audience is much more receptive to it.

>>25565097
yeah it’s a very uneducated point of view but one i sincerely believe. i can’t stop imagining it as laughing gas.
also i really hate the introspective type drugs and honestly think they’re more dangerous than uppers. because it affects your perception. coke is like a harmless bit of fun. you have to be very protective of your vision.

>>25565107
Yeah, I like cocaine too, but like nitrous allows me to start talking to myself in terms of other people, often with very intense degrees of emotional complexity.
Cocaine is more of a social thing for me. Definitely fun, but doesn't expose me to deeper levels of my personality.

>>25564814
>What r u guys reading for Halloween
Just grinding through articles and books about the late Ottoman Empire since I developed a sudden interest. I have like a dozen books to work through.

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>>25565106
for someone preaching the reader’s engagement you have a very long-winded and uninteresting way of going on. in any case my ‘naturally’ reply was a halfway wink/nudge and i think your conclusion is wrong. doing things for selfish reasons might well help others, particularly others along the same line, doing things ‘selflessly’ has historically been truly damaging to humanity. writing is always about the author. it teaches you about the author - his own weaknesses and follies - and, since you must know that no failings are unique, you may be helped to acquire tolerance for them in others. if the novel comes off at all, the reader will accompany the writer in some parallel process of self-discovery.

"Ooh, areola
Ooh, areola
That shirt came off and showed a
Ooh, areola
Ooh, areola
That shirt came off, that bra came off that ooh."

>>25565111
my subway take is drugs should be for fun. approach deeper levels of your personality (if you must) with a sober mind, or at most after a few drinks. though as a rule you’re better of letting deeper levels of your personality approach you. let the unconscious make the first move.
drugs are bad but fun. as long as we know they’re bad we might be ok. once we start taking them for ‘good’ or therapeutic, that’s when we’re lost.

>>25565116
>preaching the reader’s engagement
I'm not preaching 'engagement', I'm preaching respect for their humanity. But since you can't understand that I'll just say: have fun reading your own works to yourself, because no publisher or reader gives a damn about your "self-discovery", no matter how "parallel" it is.

>>25565135
I dunno. Using drugs for the sake of self-exploration has been a very rewarding experience, even though the stimuli are essentially simulated. I can analyze myself sober, and that's usually somewhat effective, but as far as generating substantial emotional releases? Nah, that usually happens in an altered state.

>>25565147
you’re overdoing the scare quotes.
that final line in my post was a quote from (published author) kingsley amis.
>have fun reading your own works
unthinkable!

>>25565096
Tbh it's a pretty crazy high. It was all the rage back in the 19th century. Iirc quite a lot of people in victorian and fin de sieclé high society fucked themselves up on nitrous. That's because the 'high' You get is iirc your braincels dying from asphyxia. But several people have had straight religious revelations and shit while on the stuff. There was a whole clade of nitrous researchers back then.

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Spooky season started a month ago you dolts.

>>25565154
I'm just asking you to reread your metafiction about /lit/ and your self-insert character and consider whether or not anyone other than yourself will give a damn about it. Maybe just keep a diary.

>>25565160
yeah revelations are not what i’m looking for. i’m tryna buy the ticket and take the ride. drugs are a ride; not a journey. they pick you up, take you up and down, loop de loop, then drop you off where you got on.

>>25565162
the backpedalling. i don’t believe in self-inserts. james obviously has a family resemblance to me but he’s totally made up. probably not worth your time trying to make dismissive digs after making a fool of yourself. that’s a move for before.

>>25565164
>james obviously has a family resemblance to me
You're acting as if I know who that is. All I can say is this: learn to take good advice.

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>>25565176
it’s the character in the excerpt you replied to.
does good advice come from boring & pedestrian anons or good writers from the living past? if i’m refusing to listen then how would you describe your behaviour? i’ve listed orwell and amis and i’ll introduce a third: chesterton wrote a good poem about god forgiving selfish acts - but the ‘selfless’ acts that go on to do real damage, go unforgiven by Him.

>>25565195
>it’s the character in the excerpt you replied to
I read it, but it wasn't worth reading --- so obviously not worth remembering

>>25565199
good one(!). i can see how this line of criticism would work with most /lit/ writers but surely you’ve noticed the mileage varies here?
the metafiction charge is fair though. i don’t even like when joyce pushes that edge. it just comes out of me naturally. i’m only young though i might work it out of my system.

>>25565207
Ok good. Try your best to work it out. I believe in you.

>>25565211
wish i could say the same.

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What kind of mantra do you use when you need to work even though you don’t want to?

>>25565217
Use your selfishness to believe in whatever you want to believe in. It will do nothing but hurt you.

>>25565225
what makes you say that?

>>25565222
‘ugh’ or ‘eh’

>>25565222
- Thou shalt always be chilled.
- Failure is not an option.

>>25565222
I just cuss nonstop in my head and listen to edgy music I like while preparing and heading to work.

>>25565222
I zoomed in on her toes.
What age group does “finals” in america?

>>25565217
Kek

>>25565239
>>25565240
>>25565241
Normally I feel guilty in the end of the day when I’ve been slacking more than feasible. I tend to remind myself how crappy it feels and so that right now I’m at the point where I can save myself from guilt later. Although I’ve been using that for a good while now.

All of you are shit writers.
Stop reading books.
You'd just piss the authors off.

>>25565262
no advice will work. the reason is because the feeling you’re suppressing is actually right. in the sense of the universe, making yourself do something you don’t feel like doing is only ever wrong. unfortunately we’ve cropped up a society that runs on us doing that and in the end you’ll probably get up and do it. but yeah there is no self-help on earth that overcomes the urge to live according to your nature.

>>25565266
I’m not writing. Therefore I’m not shit kek