Previous: >>25626712

Please don’t post on discuss genreslop here.

forgot /wg/ in the subject

>>25648114
ABANDON THREAD!

>>25648055
All we write is genre slop though

>>25648035
GHOST STORY

It’s 2006. A small boy sits under his sheet on the park bench. He’s done climbing on the jungle gym for now, because he and his grandmother are playing ghost. He likes playing ghost because people can’t see him, but he can see them. He doesn’t think about them seeing a little boy under a sheet. He thinks they see a ghost. His grandmother has a little notebook. She tells people he’s eccentric.

GRANDMOTHER: Now what was that last bit?
LITTLE BOY: It’s sunny unless you don’t want it to be. It can rain if you want, but only for you.
GRANDMOTHER: Have you met God yet?

One of the ways the boy likes to pretend, especially when he’s playing ghost, is that he is the deceased husband of his grandmother. His mother has told the grandmother to stop indulging him in this game, that it’s not healthy mentally, but the boy really likes it. Before his mom outlawed the game, he would play living people too. He’d be his dad, his dad’s friends, and various teachers. They’d do things like talk about the weather, or watch pretend TV. The mother doesn’t know that the grandmother believes the boy might be channeling her late husband. Some things he’s said are a little too close to the mark, is her thinking.

A young mother and her little girl walk up. The mother has red hair and a cigarette, and her shirt has Bob Marley on it. The grandmother has the boy go back to the jungle gym. She doesn’t want to explain the game.

MOTHER: Can’t get him out of the Halloween costume huh?
GRANDMOTHER: Oh he does this all year. He’s an eccentric.

The mother nods. She hasn’t heard the word eccentric before but she gets the gist. Weirdo. She watches her daughter go down the twisty slide. The boy stands next to entrance of the slide saying ‘OoOooOO’ and waving his arms around. The little girl runs up to the Grandmother and asks why he has the sheet on.

GRANDMOTHER: He likes to pretend to be a ghost. It’s just a game he plays.
LITTLE GIRL: Oh, cool.

Across the park, hidden in the trees on the other end of the duck pond, a man watches the scene through a telescope.

The little girl and the boy start playing. She’s showing him how to climb on top of the monkey bars and how that’s what the older kids do. He’s scared and she tells him ghosts aren’t supposed to be afraid of anything, because they’re dead already. He says he’s not actually a ghost, and she says ‘no shit Sherlock’ because her mom is too far away to hear. Her mom says that a lot and she thinks it’s funny.

The mother pulls a TV guide out of her purse and gets back to her crossword.

>>25648035
Can I have some feedback please.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uOF0GGGHluFwe4tRo1pTxtYmrjZZUZqf/edit?usp=drivesdk&ouid=115122453226679208585&rtpof=true&sd=true

>>25648300
I don't understand like 90% of what you're referencing. Also just sounds like a prepubescent catcher in the rye style rambling about shit I find annoying and stupid. Sorry can't be more helpful

>>25648224
Then you shouldn’t be writing.

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Writing like Hemingway is the most boring thing you can do.
Dare to write "unnecessary" sentences if you feel they are true and add to the feeling or hint at how the character feels at the moment. Dare to personify stuff or concepts grasping or jumping or singing. Dare to do more with language than writing the equivalent of white white rice and unseasoned chicken.

>>25648468
>>25648300

This guys being a little harsh. It is very dude weed though.

There’s an 8 sentence span where you use the word “drugs” 4 times. I feel like you need some sort of rephrase to avoid that.

“I've never really been impressed with them, compressed sand, or cooled lava; it's like the aftermath of the cool thing, not the cool thing. Now that you have brought this to my attention, thanks, you're right, they're kind of awesome.”

This sounds more like an interesting thought than something someone would say. It’s very unnatural as something to say out loud. Just that immediate turnaround mainly. “Now that you have brought it to my attention” particularly seems strange.

If the turnaround is your point maybe have them get there a little more organically.

“I don’t know, the rock seems like the aftermath of the whole thing”

After she first mentions the rocks, then she could get into her spiel. That seems a bit more real, at least to me

This is not that emotional of a thing for me; it's giving thanks. She gave me a pretty badass body that can take a tremendous amount of damage, and I want her to know how grateful I am for being created so impressively.”

Is another thing that just doesn’t seem real. It seems like someone you know said something like this and you tried to find a way to get there more efficiently in story format.

There are plenty of things to like. I like the central metaphor of the hole, humans acting upon nature and vice versa but yeah def needs some editing in my onion.

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So I entered a local contest and now First of the Rus is on a shelf with other books.

Hope I get some recognition

Hasn't been a productive week. I was 100% invested in Queen's Domain. I've got a cub story set at a fat camp that I couldn't nail down the ending for. I might finish that.

>>25648224
wtf does genre slop even mean
isn't everything in a genre

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>>25648606
dare to view writing beyond the moronic forced meme where anything short of walt whitman is "hemingway style" or "spartan" writing

>>25649347
>genre fiction

its xitter speak meaning it is nebulous and gay by definition. Its an insult that indirectly criticizes consumer media like scifi and fantasy, usually by philosophy fags who first hear about and get into shit like hegel from the same fucking place

>>25649347
Genre fiction is any book that isn't just lots of people visiting each others' houses

>>25649422
i dont get why philosophy fags would do this, considering sci-fi is all dystopian and fantasy is (mostly) religious. the only genres devoid of any and all higher thought are women's genres like romance

>>25649411
>can't engage with the actual statement
>has to reform it into a completely different, easier to refute statement
NGMI

>>25648055
You again. Either post the litfic that you're so butthurt about, link to it in the archive, or shut the hell up.

>>25648806
Good work. I couldn't even get the library to accept copies of my novels.

>>25648806
Nice

Bit of a sex comedy about anthro cubs at a fat camp. Bisexually written, IE boys and girls are both getting it all out in equal measure. Feedback welcome. Had to do a bit of research for this one, so I read Camp Sylvania by Julie Murphy, Eat Your Heart out by Kelly Devos, Huge by Sasha Paley

https://rentry.org/9fh6rtbg

>>25649763
What do you identify as the source for your fixation on this type of thing. I found the bunny girl from space jam hot, but I cannot picture how one gets here

>>25649824
Unlike humans,furries are an inherently sexual concept. Even if they're not doing anything sexual. They're ideal for smut.

>>25648606
I just really enjoy the written word and I like to read really beautiful sentences. It's been one of the chief appeals since I was a child, and my feeling has always been that if it is within your power to have every sentence of the book in between dialogue be beautiful in some way, such that even if you just took bits of it out of context you could look at them the way you look at a really nice bit of masonry and say "damn this guy loves his job" that's way better than the Worksmanlike prose you hear about so much today.

This is one of the reasons why I find reading so much modern stuff to just be depressing. Sanderson is the example everyone's aware of but they're kind of all like this, there's a complete inattention to the actual style itself that particularly permeates women's writing wherein it feels like they occasionally get the feeling "oh right I'm supposed to write something pretty here" and make a very insincere effort for two paragraphs before going back to monotonous speak-tag swaps for the next hundred pages. Some people who are otherwise really good just completely neglect it.

>>25649508
No u

In which fags argue about writing instead of posting writing

>>25650175
look man i'm not gonna post my newest material of sniper lady lesbo thirsting over big muscle lady i'm sorry

>>25650189
Well that sounds kinda fun. Better than child animals at a fat camp

>>25650189
Brother, the most consistent writer here is a furry fat fetishist. I assure you no one will care.

>>25650191
>>25650222
yea ok
keep in mind this is devoid of context and i will not take pains to add context
https://telegra.ph/AMARYLLIS-11-12

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I started reading this, seems decent so far...
Anyone read it already? What am I in for?

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>>25648035
I'm having trouble getting the start of this scene right about two detectives and their captain. If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it.

If it's relevant the two detectives are supposed to be Joe Friday and Bill Gannon from Dragnet.

>>25649763
These anthro smut stories are surprisingly human. Kind of feels like if those sketchy grade school books just went mask off with the fetish material.

>>25650382
Do you ever read your stuff out loud? It doesn’t necessarily need to be conversational but that’s a good way to spot problems. That second sentence is rough to get through. I’d question how much of that detail is relevant to the scene. Detectives, I picture black suits or maybe if it’s a long interrogation a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Likewise do we need to know that he tried to hand the pack to the partner but he shook his head no? Would maybe “but he declined/wasn’t interested/etc” work?

I feel like you are a camera trying to get everything you see written down. Some of it though can be left to the reader to imagine, if it isn’t integral to the scene.

The detectives stepped out into the hall. The shorter one tapped a cigarette out into his palm, then tried to hand the pack to his partner, who was not interested. The chief stepped out, beet red and fuming.

“Why are you faggots pussyfooting around? Nail this fucking creep. He’s a goddamn terrorist!”

And so on type shit

>>25650277
Why would you shy away from posting this? It’s actually pretty good

>>25650486
I don't tend to get positive feedback on my work when I post it here, so I usually don't. On /wng/ it's because /wng/ is a cesspit. On here it's because I write le websloppa

>>25650277
Delightful amount of chuunibyou bullshit here. Prose was good, especially in regards to description, and the world is an interesting hodgepodge of elements. That said, you need to do more showing and less telling. This was an absolute deluge of information with very little plot. If we take out the paragraphs of description, all that really happens is that the two characters meet, try to decide if the other one is dangerous, then have lunch together. I also feel like the dialogue is a little too grounded. It's not bad, but the relatively muted exchanges feel a little out of place with the over the top setting.

>>25650541
>tell more show less
I am aware, yes. I keep fighting my urge to tell the reader about my cool setting. Trying to do better, I say as I stare at a fat block of expository text.

If you want to read the whole thing, I'm posting it on royalroad and questionable questing. There's no reason for me to be coy about it since I've already posted an extract and searching "Zelsys" will lead to it anyway. It's a total rewrite of an older work. Basically a new story altogether.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/197926/

https://forum.questionablequesting.com/threads/retribution-engine-cultivation-dieselpunk-strong-to-stronger-barbarian-fmc.41195/#post-13901680

>>25648297
Any thoughts on this chat

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Honest question: in a 3rd person writing with a single POV character, do you think it would be jarring to the reader to use first person thoughts in cursive? Especially if it is a very rare occurrence. Or would it be better to write it all in 3rd person as "He came to realize that... he wondered... he remembered..." etc?

>>25650587
>in cursive
You mean italics? Or are you going to use a different font or hand write it?
It could be interesting. Or it could be jarring and kill the immersion. I'd need to see an example. You can also just write the thoughts as normal text, not stylized or in quotes. If it's a single POV, readers will figure out pretty quick that it's one character's thoughts.

>>25650587
thoughts in italics seem pretty self-evident to me, although i usually see it done for internal monologue.

personally, I just write 3rd-person and have it obviously colored by the character's perception.

>>25650468
>“Why are you faggots pussyfooting around? Nail this fucking creep. He’s a goddamn terrorist!”
Made me kek.

Thanks very much for the advice anon and for reading. Very helpful.

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>>25650602
Yes, italics. Sorry, in german it's called "Kursiv".
It's basically a section of contemplation and meditation, very specific purpose and not something that will occur often again.
>>25650607
>personally, I dont like omniscient narrators, so the 3rd person narration is always obviously coloured by the character's perception and opinions.
With the character being the only POV in this story, that might be very obvious, that's why Im asking. But I still like the idea of showing his personal step-by-step thoughts from a first person perspective

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>>25650636
>read through it three times before posting
>post it
>immediately spot a type and a punctuation error
fml hard and dirty.

>>25650587
I think it could work you just gotta be clever how you use it.

>>25648606
I don't know man, every time I use figurative language or vocabulary beyond 3 grade level I get nothing but complaints from "readers".

Stripped down minimalist simplified prose seems to be the only thing the modern audience can understand.
Hell, the modern audience straight up can not understand 3rd person omniscient despite it being the style used for the vast majority of books ever written.

>>25650639
>spot a type

>>25650175
Go review actual books on a book review site.

>>25650657
They’re already good they don’t need my expertise

Trinity looks good. But his name is Donald Booty. LOL

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>>25650653

>>25650670
Your only "expertise" is wasting everyone's time and being annoying.

Go read the fetish furry stuff already posted to this thread.

>>25650687
What are you here for if it’s not to read work? Isn’t that the point of the thread? What has your contribution been?

>>25648606
>Dare to write "unnecessary" sentences if you feel they are true and add to the feeling or hint at how the character feels at the moment. Dare to personify stuff or concepts grasping or jumping or singing. Dare to do more with language than writing the equivalent of white white rice and unseasoned chicken.
Every time I do that people hit me with the good old "show don't tell"

>>25650690
>What are you here for if it’s not to read work?
Talk about writing with other writers.
>Isn’t that the point of the thread?
No.
>What has your contribution been?
Telling you in particular to fuck off has been my contribution.

You aren't entitled to be entertained by shitting on people here. Go read a actual book for once.

>>25650696
I haven’t “shit on” anyone you insecure retard.

>>25650698
You are a asshole.
Assholes are only capable of shitting up the place.

>>25650696
>>25650698
>>25648297

If you’re mad at me shit on me. I am here to post work and get feedback and give feedback to others. I think writing improves in communities and there are some people with good taste on this board.

This is the start of a story, I’m not sure where I’m going to go with it yet. I’ve written a few little flash fiction pieces that fit together somewhat, it’s part of that project.

>>25650701
>I think writing improves in communities and there are some people with good taste on this board.
The "community" here is haters who hate everything all the time forever.
You aren't likely to get anything productive or constructive from a thread like this.
It's just a place to shoot the shit and talk about/around the hobby of writing.
It is not a place where you can get valid feedback. Never has been.

>>25650709
What people hate on can be very revealing though. Idk I think sharing work is good I’m going to keep doing it. People on Reddit have extremely bland taste and the only IRL writing group near me is middle aged parents writing romantasy

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>>25650277
the chapter that comes after this turned out to be 4500 words of lesbo awooga-ing, featuring:
"Armpits? Really?"

"You had plausible deniability up until you rested those cannons on the suitcase, you understand."

and, last but certainly not least, mech maintenance as an innuendo for lesbo phantasm girl on girl gasm pucker up d cup vagina bump dokidoki spit swap roller coaster your cock can't even handle son (I believe that's how the great poet Demolition D said it)

>Zelsys looked up at the ceiling for a short time, thinking.

>"Hmm. There is always something that can be done."

>Then, looking down her nose at Valeria, she recited in a voice somehow more smug and self-satisfied than Valeria had thought possible.

>"A tanksuit's engine is most commonly at risk of meltdown when the reaction flask's internal heat and pressure rise too high due to excessive pyrofulguric friction. As per the operations manual…"

>With a look of dreadful understanding, the blonde raised her head. She knew that quote. It was lifted almost word for word from a Tanksuits 101 lecture that all Ikesian Federation Army recruits went through during training.

>"...the solution is to open the emergency release valve and ensure there are no allies in the path of release."

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>>25650727

>>25650727
>Diktat
Starsector fanfic? Please?

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>>25650729

>>25650732
Definitely stole it from there, I like it so much I don't want it to be a placeholder but it's at least a nod right now.

>>25649763
pedophilia is the inevitable conclusion to dogfuckers

>>25650754
Don't really see how the two things are related.

>>25650780
a dogfucker would say that

>>25650639
you ought to finish grade school first

>>25650857
I’ll finish your grade school with my dick, faggot!

>>25650852
That makes no sense.
You are just slinging insults at random now.

>>25650887
STFU Jew

>>25650889
Gee, I wonder why no one takes these threads as anything other than a joke.

>>25650450
Thanks. The problem I've found with all those YA "body positive" books is they're written by fat women that are too insecure to actually describe bodies in detail or properly address the subject matter. I have no such hangups. As a lard fetishist smut peddler I'm probably more body positive than any of them.

>>25651096
The actual beginning of the body positivity movement was literally put forward by male fat fetishist with big girlfriends and wives.
That is part of the reason it almost exclusively focused on celebrating fat women while almost entirely ignoring men or other physical traits.

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>>25650916
the dogfucker pedo is a fed plant. An animal abusing eglin AFB kid diddler. a filthy third world cock smeller hired to derail and degenerate honest creative places on the internet. I'd sooner find these vermin drag them out of their squalor huts into the street and shoot them

>>25651330
What flavor of medication are you avoiding taking for your mental condition?
Grape flavored thorazine?

>>25651338
Stop glowing.

>write something
>know it's shit
>don't know how to make it not shit
You really can't write well without some english degree or something, huh?

>>25651951
Au contraire, not having an english degree is essentially a requirement for writing well

>>25651105
And these ugmo feminist hogs decry fetishists as not really body positive.

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The saga of sperm and shit. Sperm: the driving force behind every man’s will and instinct. His entire being rushes toward young females in heat; the rest is secondary. From adolescence to old age, his whole self is, consciously or not, fashioned to be as desirable as possible to the female: his physique, his speech, his body language, his clothes, his career. He must impress, dazzle, and woo the woman through a thousand and one antics and acrobatics.
Fighting other males, triumphing, acting cruel, aloof, and boorish. A society destined in every respect to the male’s subjugation to the tastes and whims of women. The curse of sperm that burns from being pent up too long. Yet even the headstrong, the rebels, the wayward poets, and the zealots cannot escape the instinct to fuck. It transforms, hiding behind ever-viler, ever-more-extreme forms of depravity, but it never vanishes. Thus, life becomes a veritable race of sperm, a perpetual ejaculation forever aiming for the maternal hole, yet failing time and again. It is into this shitty tunnel that the sperm is propelled at full speed; what one hopes is a vagina turns out to be an asshole.
The vast majority of men live in such abject, shitty conditions, in those giant, reeking assholes that are the great metropolises, that they carry the stench on them. The stench of shit, of squalor. Vaginas shrink and clamp shut; legs cross. Sperm ejaculates all the same, but ends up in the trash. As a man ages, he himself, his very body, metamorphoses into a gigantic heap of shitty, festering rolls of fat. His semen turns foul-smelling, too. It is almost strange that it doesn't take on a turd-brown color.Thus, for the select few who have managed to inject their viscous jizz into the piss-stained abyss of the weaker sex, they perpetuate themselves in their offspring, who, in turn, will experience a few years of the sublime before becoming, themselves, physical and spiritual excrement.

>>25651951
It comes with practice and actually constructive feedback from someone who knows what they are doing and actually means well (aka not feedback from this site or most of the web).

>>25652132
Feminist trying to take over something by using lies and redefinition has always been one of their main tactics.

I wish more people learned to ignore and disregard them. They really never actually mean well.

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>>25651951
You have to reaaaaaaadddddd

An online friend of mine wants to hire me as a writer for his indie game studio. However I don't actually have any writing experience. Everyone in my circle just assumes that I do because I'm autistic, read a lot, and know who random authors like Robert Graves and Kahlil Gibran are. Realistically what can I do? I don't have that much time to write because I have a full time warehouse job and the holidays are the hardest time of the year. At the same time though I'm too prideful to just say no because that'd be tantamount to saying I don't have what it takes and I despise the thought of being a physical laborer for the rest of my life.

>>25652706
JUST DO IT! Push yourself to the brink and from that, you'll grow to be a stronger person and look back on this experience as a fond memory

>>25652706
Give it a shot and learn as you go.
The worst that could happen is you eventually get fired from what sounds like a side gig. Which honestly isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

>>25652706
Start practising in your free time anon, it's fun to write. Anyway, you should give it a try. There's no harm in trying. Also it might not even be on that tight of a schedule so you'll have time to work through drafts. Besides, if all else fails you can directly copy the plot of some 19th century book and of 100 people, 9 will think you're referencing it and clap, 90 will think it was a good story and clap, and 1 person will complain either about it being a copy or just not liking it.

Today, my coworker said they'd read my book

>>25652533
I do read...

After packing away my gear into the boot, I gave myself a couple of minutes to calm down, reflecting over the kind of day that I had had, but not before turning on the ignition to warm myself. I fiddled around with the radio to look for something to help me relax—maybe some smooth jazz. Eventually, I had landed on a news story.
It was about a volcanic eruption, not what I’d call calming, but the story had piqued my interest enough to the point where I had been captivated enough to listen until the very end of the report.
It had happened somewhere within one of the Pacific Islands, one of the territories still held by France. Which one it was, I didn’t quite catch its name; apparently the explosion was so large that you could have witnessed on board one of the space stations the media was saying. It had completely wiped out the entire population within microseconds of erupting.
It was just like Pompeii. I thought while I sat there listening with morbid curiosity about what was to come next.
Dead
They were all dead; everyone, one of them, the entire island’s population, had been completely wiped out during the desolation.
They didn’t have time to react to what was going on or even try to make a quick break for it in order to try and locate somewhere safe since there wasn’t anywhere safe to go either. They were all completely vaporised within seconds or so after the first booms were heard; it seemed nothing was confirmed yet until a small team of rescue boats had been dispatched to the epicentre looking for any signs of survivors that may still be hanging on that could give their testimony over what happened,

What authors can you tell are an influence on my writing.

>>25652851
You have to read more. Read good stuff to understand what's good, but then also read bad stuff to understand what's shit, until your taste is fully developed.

You already understand your writing is shit, so that's good, you have self-awareness, you're halfway there. Now you gotta read some good stuff and copy it until you absorb it into your writing. Really, its all just copying and absorbing. Hunt down all the good stuff and absorb it into yourself like a homunculus. Just analyze and mimic your heroes until you make it.

>>25652895
What if the best books I've read are translated Dostoevsky

>>25652900
Then you've already read better books than most people who try and write.

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>>25652900
>>25651951

>>25652923
3 is actually one of the most important rules, but I'm afraid the artform and media as a whole has degenerated to such a point that the inane drivel that gets published in all mediums is so pervasive and has become the new standard and thus sounds "right" to the ear even when its regurgitated postmodern feces from the mouth. I doubt Lewis thought things would get this bad