>>42617209
The irony is that Rarity is probably a bigger bitch than that foid in the picture.

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>"Anon? Are you okay? You keep almost fainting..."

>>42618064
>”Yeah the pajeet nearly got me off guard.”

>>42618064
> "STOP TORTURING ME! I DON'T WANNA BE A PONY! AAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!"

>>42617338
true as it may be, rarity is a cute

>>42618064
Yeah my huge fucking cock sometimes makes me dizzy, wanna see?

>>42618064
Is your sister free?

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Getting parked on.

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>>42617338

>>42619583
There it is. My wonderful creation.

>>42619609
You don't have to say this every time it gets posted, you know. No one cares that you made it.

>>42619613
Too bad faggot I post what I please.

>>42619615
And I post what you need to hear.

>>42619618
I don't care what you have to say nigger.
My computer, my keyboard, my internet, my post.
Don't like it? Don't read it.
It's not my problem you're upset.

>>42619622
You sound awfully mad ^:)

>>42619623
Yes, you are quite mad.
I'm not your therapist so I will not be dealing with your little outbursts further until you start paying me.
I will not be replying to you after this point.

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>>42619632
>>42619623

>>42619674
>flaggot

>>42619583
That's not Pinkie.

>>42619572
This is what heaven must be like

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>>42619713

>>42620040
Till you see how much hair is on your black suit

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>>42617338
>"D-Darling? But I thought that you...that we..."
>Holding back a sob, Rarity trots away hastily.
>Without missing a beat, you open up the picnic basket, find a sandwich and start chowin' down.
>The blanket feels good under your legs, and it's a beautiful day, but still you can't stuff down the niggling notion that something has gone wrong during this exchange.
wat do?

>>42620356
Sandvich

>>42620356
>"God, what a bitch," Anon thought as she trotted away, tears causing her mascara to run
>"Just like everyone else who interacts with me. I wonder if that means something?"
>".... Nah."

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What did she see, anon?

>>42621009
Me having sex with my boyfriend and my girlfriend Mr. and Mrs. Cake.

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>>42621009
Me holding her hoof and telling her how pretty she is.

>>42621009
I had a really weird pony dream last night.
I was exploring a cave with some Russian guy for some reason when we stumbled across a bunch of seemingly ancient pony shaped artifacts.
They looked really goofy in a way I can't describe. Really long scouts with beady eyes and uneven legs.
I picked up the Applejack one, and I guess I unleashed some appul curse because I fucking died and woke up.

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>>42621318
Someone needs to now do an Applejack version of this.

>>42621009
What the hell is lewd about a bug crawling into your ear and biting it?

>>42621009
The constant feeling of being on "vacation" and wanting desperately to return to my home while also dealing with the stress of thinking I haven't packed everything.

>>42621338
it was a changeling

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>>42620356
Sheesh. What's her problem? This was all her idea and she didn't even eat anything.
>Half of the food packed in this basket is hers.
>Well, whatever.
>More sugar and mustard sandwiches for you.
>You take another bite of the sandwich and crunch down on something very hard.
>Hard enough to chip your teeth, a lot of teeth.
>It sounds like rocks hitting a car windshield when you open your mouth.
Ow! What the fuck!
>You open the sandwich, looking at the spread inside.
Diamonds and cucumbers...
>This is Rarity's sandwich.
>You ate her sandwich in front of her.
>No wonder she was so upset.
>You go and apologize.
>Rarity forgives you.
>Hooks you up with Colgate, so you can get your mouth fixed.
>And some gems.
>Combine the two and now you got a sick grillz up in your mouths.
>Rarity falls in love with your diamond teeth.
>She just thinks you're dazzling, never leaves your side now.
>On sunny days, when you smile, you'll always find her wearing sunglasses.

Rarity in glasses is hot af.
But you already knew that.

>>42621671
Well fuck you, changeling. I woke up freaking the fuck out after what was until that point your typical weird ass dream.

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glossary will be published tomorrow, very tired. please enjoy my autism
>/I made it, old man/.
>/Omer’s gonna make me their Lynx. Surgery’s two weeks out from now/.
>/Pay’s good. Real good. A few years there, and mom’ll be safe. Might even make enough for her to skip out to another colony/.
>/…/
>/…Don’t gimme that fuckin’ look/.
>/You're not comin’/.
>/Only reason you’re still around is ‘cause I/-

>“Anon?”
>The sudden chatter rips you from your wanton rumination, staggeringly clear; sharp, even.
>Returning from your deep-seated traipse into memory, your mind isn’t sure which of your bodies to return to first, but the AMS makes the decision on its own, however jarringly.
>Nestled in the NEXT’s head, your viewfinder beholds endless stretches of sloping ash and irradiated sands as you barrel over all of it at a steady pace of nearly eleven hundred kilometers per hour.
>Aside from the dust you’re kicking up, it’s a pristine little patch of nowhere.
>You check radar once, twice, three times - a blank slate for each.
>You’re alone in the greyout.
“Yeah?”
>A terse moment passes before your operator speaks again, the raspiness of her voice choked away by the cold static of your comms unit.
>“Your brain waves spiked,” she explains, monotone. “Just making sure you’re okay.”
“All good here.”
>“Mm.”
>Apart from the dull rumbling of the NEXT plowing onward, an uncomfortable silence all but strangles the two of you.
>It’s so unlike her.
“Distance to OBJ?”
>“Two minutes out. No errors with the Judith?”
“None. Paid good creds for this FCS, it /better/ not fuck up. The vendor said it was factory new.”
>Even so, you eye your readout like a hawk. Targeting systems failing in the middle of a sortie isn’t something you’re keen to navigate.
>You hear her typing away over the radio for a few moments before the audio fizzles into a far grainier quality.
>“…Alright, we’re on a closed channel,” she breathes, her sigh charged with apprehension. “Anon, this sortie’s a crock of shit.”
>The body you were born with, nestled deep within the core of the NEXT, furrows its brow.
“Can’t RTB now. The transponder’s been on since I left the garage.”
>“We can say the FCS didn’t work out. It’s a third party component, it happens all the time.”
“They’ll want the readouts when we get back.”
>“What about a health issue? You said you were feeling a bit light headed when you hooked up to the AMS earlier.”
“You know they won’t buy that, Hel.”
>She falls silent, and your lamentable guts roil with guilt.
>Unwilling to let the roar of the engines dominate the airwaves, you speak up on your own after another pregnant pause.
“…Listen, I’m not gonna pretend I don’t have the jitters over this whole thing, but the payout’s exactly what we need. Once we’re done, we’re making tracks /tonight/, alright?”

>>42622430
>Static, and the sound of a comms station idling some hundred or so miles behind you.
“Hel?”
>“…You better not get cold feet this time,” she nearly whispers, the young, headstrong recruit you’d met four years ago all but buried.
>It hurts what’s left of your heart.
“I promise, kid. Run me through the MO one more time, I wanna be thorough.”
>You know it by heart after agonizing over it for days, but you’d rather not let the poor girl worry herself to death - no matter how justified she is.
>A moment later, your immaculate view of the wasteland is dimmed as a rudimentary model of the facility’s layout flickers into existence, its neon grid pounding at the backs of your eyes.
>If only the combat cocktail you were dosed up on had eletriptan in it.
>“The intel division received reports yesterday that one of their legacy Kojima reactor plants, located in Grid 0256-B, was being actively scouted by a Normal of unknown affiliation equipped with multispectral cloaking systems and radar jamming suites. After the craft was disabled, the pilot refused to divulge any information about his employers or mission directive.”
>The model rotates to offer a top-down view of the base and its surrounding terrain. Sat at the bottom of a massive sand basin, a massive rock shelf jutting from the earth to its immediate rear envelops the sprawling subterranean sections of the facility, shielding it from direct attack.
>That said, the surface facilities may as well be a kill house. Tiny, totally exposed, boxed in by its own walls - so much so that base defenses would be woefully ineffective against any well-planned attack.
>You’re stumped as to why Omer thought to put a facility there in the first place, no matter how safe it may be in a region as remote as this.
>“They’re expecting an assault soon,” Hel continues. “Orbital scans confirm that a large ground force is mobilizing, currently twenty five hundred kilometers out. Two hostile NEXTs were spotted in the formation as well; as a precaution, they’ve bolstered the base’s defense systems and called for a company Lynx to be stationed on-site.”
>You grumble as the schematics disappear from view, the world regaining its light.
“They’re decommissioning the place in a few weeks, right? What do they care if it goes up in smoke?”
>“Even this far out, a blown reactor’s bad news,” she explains. “Radiation’ll shut down a couple important supply routes nearby, ones Omer doesn’t want to part with.”
>You grumble to yourself.
>They’ve been trying to get rid of you quietly for months now. Faulty equipment here, bad intel there, the works. Anything to keep your execution an unassuming affair; a sob story that all prying eyes would be satisfied with.
>Evidently, the depths of their polite depravity were still being hollowed out.
>One Lynx in a lightweight NEXT to stop all of that?
>Pompous fuckin’ snakes. Who do they think they’re fooling?
>…

>>42622432
>They’ll get what they want, then. Not exactly how they envisioned it, but they’ll get it.
>In your impatience, you disengage the safety on your dual rifles. Combat mode engages and the heads-up display comes alive, the horizon a portrait now framed by indicators and headings.
“I’ll get it done. Hel, the /moment/ I wrap shit up over here, get over to our secondary exfil down by the south wall. I’ll meet you there after I get paid.”
>“A-firm, el capitan,” she replies, a bit of her vigor returning. “Want me to grab some grub for you?”
“Yeah, but just get somethin’ from a back alley vendor. We don’t need anybody… spotting…”
>You trail off, thoughts of cheap rations and coffee sludge drowned out by the sight before you.
>More sand, more dust, more dunes; but there, an inordinate stretch in front of you, you notice a funnel of undulating black.
>It splinters the sky in two, imperceptible to unaugmented vision at this range.
>A smoke stack.
>“Oh, /shit/,” Hel exclaims. “That’s the facility!”
>Your overbooster engages before you can consciously recognize you’d commanded it.
>In a matter of seconds, you’re stopping hard at the edge of the basin, peering headlong into the center of the trough as you kick up the long-settled dust around you.
>The billowing stovepipe of smog is monstrous at this distance, encompassing the majority of the above-ground dome installation. Light bends and refracts wantonly around its very base, where bright flames try their damndest to lap at the sky above.
>“Reactor facility 0256-B, this is NEXT callsign Presage and its operator, Helene Allard,” Hel calls out over the base’s official channel. “If you’re receiving this message, respond immediately. I say again: if anyone’s alive to hear this, /respond immediately/.”
>While you both wait for something back, you scan the radar, but find nothing to suggest that whoever did this stuck around.
>“Not getting anything,” she says, flustered. “HQ completed those orbital scans this morning… Did we get bad intel?”
>You eye the precious few parts of the base that aren't covered in ash, watching for any sign of movement.
“Unlikely, given who we work for. Probe their network, gimme a status on those reactors.”
>Moments pass; the blaze rages on.
>“Fully operational,” she relays in disbelief. “I can’t hail HQ, either.”
>That little niggling feeling in the base of your gut skyrockets into full-volume alarm bells.
“Comms error?”
>“No, the line’s just… completely dead,” she stutters, her nerves getting the better of her.
>Not that you blame her, of course - if your real body weren’t immersed in inertia dampener gel, it’d be sweating bullets.
>“Anon, whatever’s going on, you need to get out of there. Screw HQ, this whole thing is tits up. We-“
>Unexpectedly, an emergency flare erupts from the plume, its crimson glow a knife through the tangible sense of dread.

>>42622433
>You trace its trajectory all the way back to the very center of the desolation, where the fire seems to be raging the hardest.
>Beyond the rolling inferno, not even /you/ can see.
>You glance at the radar again, but with each rhythmic sweep of the area, the analog canvas returns blank.
>…
“…Search and rescue’ll get ‘em,” you mutter, fully aware there will be no such operation. “I’m not chancin’ it.”
>Hel sighs in relief as you gently engage your frontside thrusters, sliding away from the edge and turning back in the direction of where you came from.
>“/Thank you/,” she nearly whispers. “I’ll disconnect and start packing up once you’re halfway home, just to be sa-”
>The target lock alert screams alive only a second before you’re shunted forward by several explosive impacts to the rear of your NEXT.
>Primal armor renders the blow painless, but you cry out in shock nonetheless.
>You spin back around, and to your dismay, your own targeting system whirrs to life as it combs the newly occupied basin.
>Wisps of soot and ash whip about from the backs of the three scorched NEXTs now barrelling up towards you.
>At the front of the pack, a lightweight blades-only craft shatters the sound barrier as it engages its overbooster, arm reared back for an upward swing.
>Flanking to your left, a mid-range with reverse joint legs takes off into the sky, its dual rifles trained on your position.
>The furthest away by a decent margin is a missile boat on tank treads, a fresh volley of ordinance now slung free from its shoulder-mounted and handheld launchers.
>In response, the AMS hookup floods your flesh with an extra dose of combat stimulants.
>Tastes like noise.
>Your thoughts narrow as a heartbeat - your own - begins to pound in your ears.
>Your field of view widens, environmental details sharpen.
>You don’t care where or how they hid.
>Who they are is inconsequential.
>They’ll sink beneath the sand all the same.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2tyuG3Mjm0
>“Enemy lock!” Hel shouts into her headset. “Evade, evade!”
>You’ll do just that.
>A quickboost to the right sees the lightweight NEXT barely miss you as it rips past, its laser blade humming as it cuts through open air.
>You keep the momentum going as you shift into a backpedal, the overeager brawler still hot on your tail.
>The new FCS locks onto him in a matter of milliseconds at this range, and you open the taps with your assault rifles and back-mounted grenade launcher.
>His primal armor ripples and undulates under the strain of automatic fire, but holds firm.
>He weaves left just as the rocket barrage arrives. You dodge most of it with another quickboost, but a few stray rockets make contact despite your frenetic pace.
>All the while, the concerningly accurate airborne Lynx rains munitions on you with his own weapons, chipping away at you.
>Bastard must’ve tuned his NEXT for sustained flight.

>>42622434
>Another target lock alert breaks your concentration.
>From the corner of your eye, you spot another cluster of rockets heading your way.
>You need cover.
>Playing defense against the airborne Lynx with your shoulder-mounted scatter missiles, you make a break for the biggest dune nearby, which breaks the missile lock.
>The dogfighter grounds himself, no doubt to evade.
>The melee NEXT charges you again, but he peels off behind the dune when you pelt him with the remaining grenade launcher ammunition.
>Alone, if only for a moment or two.
>You purge the armament from your back and instantly become several tons lighter.
>You’ve still got the compact missile launcher, so defensive options are solid.
>“AP’s at two thirds left,” Hel anxiously informs you over comms. “That first hit took a chunk out of you, but the primal armor got most of it.”
>A haggard sigh fills the air; for a moment, you don’t even recognize it as your own voice.
“Who the fuck /are/ these guys?” you ask, heated as you turn to face the massive mound of sand. “Independents?”
>“They aren’t registered on Collared. I tried to check HQ’s Lynx database, too, but I can’t get in. But their combat maneuvers, their tactics, they…”
>She trails off in a stupor before she can finish her sentence, but you weren’t born yesterday.
>It was all straight out of the company playbook.
“Kill comms and get to secondary exfil.”
>“/What/? Anon-”
“Smuggler’s already got her credits, she’ll take you when you get there.”
>Your stillborne attempt at continuing your instruction is choked out by all three enemy NEXTs soaring over the dune, weapons pointed in your direction.
>Your newfound speed helps you evade fire more efficiently as you circle around the terrain in a desperate attempt to bait a one-on-one with the melee build.
>To your chagrin, the aerial ace quickboosts back over the hill, lighting you up the entire time.
>You sling a missile salvo his way to throw his aim off while the pest of the group bears down on you.
>Both rifles tear his primal armor almost completely away, but instead of evading this time, he overboosts straight at you for a downward swing.
>The ghastly mint glow of his armor is completely withered by the maneuver, but it puts him directly in front of you.
>You dodge left, but the blade just barely clips the upper section of your right leg unit, passing right through the rectification field and taking a solid chunk of primal armor with it.
>It leaves a nasty gash, and your overall AP dips a considerable amount as a result, but you quickly turn and shred him with more rifle fire.
>His generator tries to re-form his armor by sloughing out Kojima particles, but it isn’t fast enough.
>You punch enough holes into the core that dampener fluid from the cockpit begins to spill out from them, some of it stained red.
>The NEXT skids and falls face-first into the sand, crumpling under the force of its own momentum.

>>42622441
>Must’ve been eager to prove himself.
>…His friends aren’t gonna go as easily.
>“AP just dropped below half,” Hel exclaims. “What the hell are you talking about? I’m not leaving you!”
“You’re a loose end!” you shout as the two remaining NEXTs appear from behind the dune and reacquire you. “Don’t even pack, just /run/, god damn it! Use the old tunnels!”
>More missiles, more machine gun fire. You chain boost to evade while trading blows with the reverse joint NEXT, but he’s somehow just as agile as you.
>Your AP keeps dropping.
>“But what about-”
>The distant shattering of a window interrupts her.
“I’ll be fine! /GO/!”
>“…Damn it, Anon,” she mutters brokenheartedly as you hear her rip the headset off and run.
>The comms link falls to pure static, and a moment later, goes completely silent.
>You know she doesn’t believe you. Naivete was never something you could attribute to her.
>That’s the least of your worries, though, as the corner of your hud flashes red after another close scrape with a missile salvo.
>“AP at forty-two percent,” your onboard AI chimes in.
>You’ve got plenty of ammo to throw around, but not enough time to see the war of attrition all the way through.
>The strain on Presage’s hull is starting to register on your brain, like a barbell steadily having weight added as you hold it. Before long, you’ll break under the pressure.
>If you run, they’ll just gun you down with your tail between your legs.
>You can throw yourself at them in an all-out assault, but that wouldn’t do any good beyond getting you killed even faster.
>And sure, you can keep hugging the dune, but that reverse-jointed cunt’ll just keep you in check by hovering just out of range.
>Everything you come up with, they have an answer for.
>Your evasion turns almost absent-minded as your breath hitches in your throat, veins frosted over.
>There’s no way out. You’re gonna die here, swallowed by the gray sands, an obscured footnote in OMER’s storied expanse of cruelty.
>You aren’t even afforded the comfort of knowing Hel is safe.
>The worst case scenario, like a broken record, plays out ad nauseum in your head.
>Her body, as still as the unmarked crypt it’s bound for.
>Blood running, filling the cracks in cheap linoleum tiles.
>Faceless aggressors spouting codified legal nonsense as they stand over her, as if she can still hear them.
>All of this for /nothing/.
>Your icy blood boils at the very thought. You begin to wonder if an all-out assault might be in the cards after all, but as the reality of the inevitable sets in, another path presents itself to you.
>One that, in better circumstances, you’d slap yourself for even considering.
>If you can’t bury them in sand, you’ll bury them in glass.
>Turning on a dime, you set off for the reactor facility, your opponents following close behind.

>>42622446
>You’re far more vulnerable to missiles, being chased in the open like this, but that advantage won’t last.
>As you skate down the side of the basin, your hud flashes once more.
>“AP at thirty-four percent.”
>You reach the front gates and plow headfirst into the flames. Even sheltered away beneath untold layers of steel and shielding, your body begins to sweat.
>Through the miasma, you spot the silo doors that lead to the facility’s lower levels.
>They’re closed, but that won’t stop you. A few missiles to the least structurally sound segments, and they’re blown to bits under the impact, revealing a massive industrial elevator shaft.
>No wonder they planned on closing the place down.
>As you plummet into the lowest guts of the facility, your comms link sputters to life once more; an unknown contact is hailing you.
>You dismiss it before it can ring twice - it’s way too late for that.
>The elevator itself buckles under your feet as you hit the bottom and immediately boost forward.
>Old turrets and other lethargic defense systems kick on as you charge down spacious corridors, all struck down before they can even begin to process you as a target.
>The lack of base personnel only further confirms the self-serving sabotage at play.
>Somewhere behind, you hear your pursuers crash down into the metal labyrinth as well, but it brings forth no further sense of urgency. At this pace, you’ll have /just/ enough time.
>As you blow through one last set of doors, the roomy halls culminate into the beating heart of the facility.
>Sat in the middle of a colossal open space are the two Kojima reactors you were assigned to protect, pulsating to such a degree within their solid steel shells that even Presage seems to vibrate in tandem.
>Free-floating particles lilt through the air, the entire room painted in their deathly luminescence.
>The radiation is so strong that your primal armor’s strength starts falling rapidly, your AP following suit.
>“AP at thirty percent. Consider immediate combat withdrawal.”
>The moment you cross into the room, you train your weapons on the reactor core closest to you and fire away. All the while, you begin prepping your generator for an assault armor burst, which should add enough particles to the reaction to bring it to criticality.
>Free of any complications, such as up-to-code rectification field defenses, your bullets sink effortlessly into the target, shredding the integrity of the carapace.
>Just as it peels away to reveal the blinding reaction underneath, your assailants burst into the room, boosting at wild angles to avoid catching the cores in the crossfire.
>It’s all too little, too late, though. The energy buildup in your generator reaches its crescendo, and your primal armor explodes outwards in one last act of defiant violence.
>Time slows to a near-crawl as you scream your lungs out, taken completely by fear and rage.

>>42622451
>Arcs of energy dance from Presage to whatever they deem worthy of their presence, a mass of them converging on the reactor.
>The two assassins hang suspended in the air, eerily still. You curse them with all of the remaining resentment in your heart, leaving you with nothing left but regret.
>Regret for your choices, for your friends, for your parents…
>For Hel.
>Dead or not, you’re halfway through mourning her when the world erupts into pure white, and nearly all thought ceases.
>Moments from giving in completely, though, something strange happens.
>Soundless and searing, the pale, unending death begins to pull apart into fractals of brilliant pastel color, like the threads of a shirt unraveling as it’s ripped open.
>A cold unlike you’ve ever felt blankets you in both flesh and metal.
>Ever so faintly, you hear a clicking noise somewhere behind you, and it all fades to black.

…

>You jolt awake.
>…
>…Awake?
>No, that’s not right, you just-
>Biblical pain threatens to split your skull open from the inside out, and the vibration from your resulting moans make it far worse.
>You fall silent as you cradle your head in your hands - your /real/ hands, to your surprise.
>Did your AMS jack decouple from your occipital socket during all of that…?
>Blind feeling with your nearly-numb digits confirms as such, the barely noticeable divot in your skull remarkably empty.
>That could be an issue.
>Fearful of more pain, your eyes slowly glide open, and the claustrophobic cockpit of your NEXT greets you bathed in red emergency lights.
>The stasis tank surrounding your pilot’s chair hasn’t drained yet, so you hit the manual override underneath the seat and sit back as the dampener fluid drains loudly into the hidden reservoir beneath you.
>Time for your least favorite part.
>You hug your stomach tightly and lean over the railing as you flex your abs and begin to wretch.
>The protestations of your vocal chords are cut short by the unceasing flow of dampener fluid, expelled first from your lungs and then from your stomach with each heave.
>When you’re finally cleared enough to breathe, you gasp for air, each breath tainted by the pungent stench of your innards.
>The glass tube recedes into the alloy panels above, and you fall back into your chair as you shakily fetch your telemetry tablet from its smoothed-over slot in the wall.
>You connect it to the power socket in your chair, thankful that the backup generator kicked in somehow. The readout is nothing but the basics, but that’s about all you can handle at the moment.
>Against all odds, all limbs of the NEXT are still present and accounted for. The exact damage to each unit is unknown, sure, but at the very least, they’re still there.
>The main generator is offline and took heavy damage to its circuitry, no doubt thanks to the stunt you pulled with the assault burst.

>>42622456
>The onboard AI is offline, but the emergency power is just enough to support comms and log entries through the tablet.
>Your most pressing question, however, isn’t addressed.
>How are you even /alive/?
>You’d think you were done and dusted, but the throbbing in your head, the frigid air turning your skin prickly, the foul smell… it’s all far too real to wave off.
>Your fingers, still replete with paresthesia and slow to respond to your commands, tab over to the radio display.
>Hel’s compromised, so you’ll have to wait for /her/ to call /you/.
>...If she's still alive.
>Before you can become bogged down by indecision, you start to work your way down the relatively small list, starting with your garage.
“NEXT callsign Presage to Navel Mechworks, requesting emergency rescue in grid 0256-B. Will provide details and payment upon acceptance of assignment. How copy?”
>Static.
>Line Ark should have a listening station nearby…
“NEXT callsign Presage to Line Ark HQ, requesting emergency rescue in grid 0256-B. My craft is disabled and I'm in immediate danger of Kojima radiation poisoning. How copy?”
>More static.
>Okay… Collared, then?
>Your would-be assassins weren’t registered with them, so it should be safe.
“NEXT callsign Presage to Collared, requesting emergency rescue in grid 0256-B. Will provide considerable payment upon acceptance of assignment, provided the responding Lynx acts with discretion. How copy?”
>Dead air.
>Collared can be reached damn near anywhere - the Kojima radiation outside must be interfering with your comms capabilities.
>Even so, you make one final hail mary, no matter how queasy it renders you.
“This is NEXT callsign Presage in the blind, requesting rescue. Can /anyone/ hear me?”
>…Nothing.
>You’re dead in the water, entombed by the metal sarcophagus surrounding you.
>Stricken, you swipe over to the pilot log tab and begin a brief recording.
“This is NEXT callsign Presage, Lynx-”
>You cut yourself short.
>What use are titles now?
“This is Anonymous T. Rasa, entry dated second of April… I’m gonna die.”
>You pause for a moment to collect yourself.
>“The blast didn’t kill me, but I almost wish it did. I’ve got no food or water, and if dehydration doesn’t take me first, the radiation levels outside /will/ once they seep into the cockpit. I don’t really wanna find out what severe dehydration feels like, so… yeah. Hell of a way to go, after getting so close to the end.”
>You inadvertently shiver as another wave of pain wracks your head.
“To the one that finds this, you owe me a debt now: bring Omer Science Technology down, no matter what it takes. I don’t have a blueprint on how to do it, but if we wanna live another century, it needs to happen. And if the person who finds this happens to be from Omer, /fuck you/. I wish I could’ve taken all you sacks o’ shit with me. And Hel, if it’s, uh, if it’s you that found this, I, uh…”

>>42622459
>You pause again, throat tightening.
“…I’m sorry, kid. Glad you made it. I wish I could’ve seen you grow up, but, uh… you know me.”
>Your finger taps the stop button before you get too choked up.
>A few shallow sighs later, you slide the tablet back into its alcove and sit up on your elbows as best as you can.
>It’s not great, but it’s all the pain, nausea, and hampered vision will allow. Judging from what gravity feels like, Presage must be supine.
>You right yourself into a crouched position and start to feel at the crevices of the overhead entry hatch, fighting off lightheadedness the entire time.
>You refuse to waste away.
>The ring finger on your left hand slides over a slight imperfection in the metalwork - /there/.
>Deep breaths, Anon. Face this with some dignity.
>An eternity later, you shove the button as far down as it’ll go, and the hatch unseals.
>The cockpit decompresses, and a faint beam of light cuts through the darkness.
>With all your might, you shove it open and stand to your full height, shielding your eyes from the glacial breeze that buffets your face.
>You steady yourself against the door as your vision adjusts, and though the dull throbbing urges you to return to the cramped gloom you came from, you resist.
>Eventually, your eyes find equilibrium, and you behold a generous snowfall, the flakes of which now dust your taut skin.
>You’ve seen snow before, of course; it’s no cause for alarm.
>But the green substance below, burgeoning through in occasional patches that flutter with the blowing of the wind…
>What /is/ that?
>…Well, you’re headed for the grave anyway.
>You shuffle onto the hull to get a closer look, but slip and tumble sideways off of your NEXT and into the ground.
>Through the agony, you reach out and touch the strange material.
>Whatever it is, it’s not soft, but it… /tickles/?
>You palm it only to come away with one of its kind stuck damply to your hand.
>Rectangular, verdant, pleasantly scented…
>…You’ve read about this before. Grass, was it?
>That can’t be right, though. Grass hasn’t grown in almost six centuries. Not on Earth, anyhow.
>But there, dotting the horizon… What the hell are those?
>Aren’t those /trees/? They’re shrouded in snow, sure, but you remember learning about all of that stuff from your aunt when you were young.
>You can’t feel the radiation in the air, either; not even a hint of iron on your tongue.
>Your breath mists over as you retreat into yourself for warmth and cast your gaze all around, flanked by frosted foliage on all sides. A snow-capped mountain in the distance to the rear of you looms over all.
>Even if only for curiosity’s sake, your will to stay alive skyrockets.
>Clumsy and discombobulated, you stumble away from your NEXT, casting only a sparing glance in its direction.
>It’s beat to hell, but you’ll come back and get a more comprehensive look later - right now, you need to find the nearest colony.

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>>42622465
>What appears to be a road lies just shy of the trees, so with heavy footfalls, you head over to check it out.
>Thankfully, there’s a signpost at the nearest crossroads. In your haste to figure out where you are, you barely even register that it’s made out of wood.
[NORTH - CRYSTAL EMPIRE, 23 MILES]
[SOUTH - GALLOPING GORGE, 67 MILES]
[WEST - LUNA BAY, 142 MILES]
>You’ve never heard of any of those places. You’re young, sure, but you’ve been around the block a few times as a Lynx.
>Regardless, you opt for the one that sounds most like an established colony.
>Bit of an odd name, but at this point, you aren’t picky.
>Following the sign, you trudge along the roadside until you feel something start to drip from your nose.
>Thinking it’s merely snot, you go to wipe it, only to have your trembling hand come away with a swatch of deep crimson.
>You fall to your hands and knees in a sudden fit of vertigo, paresthesia dulling the normally painful impact.
>The pitter-patter of bloody droplets meeting driven snow makes you sick to your stomach.
>Seems the sudden disconnection from the AMS may have left you worse off than you had initially thought.
>You can’t do anything but roll over onto your back as a wall of gloam robs you of sight.
>A man's voice in the distance nearly brings you back, but the tendrils of a sinister rest drag you away beforehand.

the pony will be in full force next chapter i promise. goodnight everyone
https://ponepaste.org/11415

>>42622470
you cooked, chief. Exquisite. While I believe this might turn out to be the most emotionally-charged chapter of the story, I'm also kinda hyped for the NEXT. Have a good week

>>42622470
Finally some fucking food

>>42622470
shit

>>42622470
good shit. excellent shit, even. you’ve already gone and gotten me attached to the characters in a single chapter.

>>42623535
Sauce: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/550169/and-what-do-i-do-with-this-bug-looking-thing

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>>42623535

>>42623535
Where do you get this notarized?

>>42622470
This is trash, stop posting your god awful green.

>>42622470
This is great, keep posting your cool green.

>>42624419
How desperate do you have to be to lower your standards this far?

>>42622470
low quality slop

>>42624422
Fun things are fun.

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>>42624386
>>42624422
>>42624425

>Peon hours begin
>"Waaaah it's shit"

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>>42624386
>>42624425

>>42622470
So that'll be what, 5 more months.

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>>42622470
>easy money, they said
>just a contract to secure a shipment of cookies, they said

>>42617338
But who is more sugoi?

>>42625646
I dunno the girl might give amazing head, Rarity kinda seems like she’s never seen one up close

>>42625039
Hey, only 4…

>>42617209
Why is he even thinking about it?

>>42625425
Grok explain this image

>>42622470
T hanks

>>42619572
His feet are out, someone is getting off to that picture

=Familia 15=

>You sit in your chair looking at the couch across from you and the child planted on firmly it. He didn’t stare so much as glare back at you with red irises and slitted pupils with faint waves of purple energy wafting from them.
>You had gone about your morning just the same as any other that day. You woke early ahead of Chrysalis, gathered things from your garden and pantry to make a breakfast for you both, it was only when you had gone outside to observe the sky and estimate how the weather would be that day that you found a very strange unicorn on your doorstep with a note.
>And now here you were.
>It was probably best to break the ice so here you go.
“Wel-“
>”Don’t.” he interrupts.
>You instinctively shut your mouth, you couldn’t help it. Being soft spoken came naturally to you.
>The boy continues to stare at you as the other tenant of the house comes out of her room yawning. She’d grown the last few years and was now extremely lanky.
>”Mm…good morning Poppy, are you happy toda-”
>Chrysalis pauses her ritualistic greeting and looks at the newcomer.
>”…Poppy, why is there a strange little pony on our couch?”
“This is Sombra, sweetheart.” You answer.
>”I can talk for myself!” he exclaims, you nod your head to give him the go-ahead.

>>42628419
>You see his eyes work through what to do next before he sheepishly looks at Chrysalis with a scowl. “…I am Sombra.”
“And Sombra will be living with us from now on.”
>You hold up the note that came with the child.
“He has had an…interesting life before he came here.”
>Chrysalis looks between you and Sombra several times and blinks several more. “…Okay, I always wanted a younger brother.”
>Sombra grits his teeth on the couch. “I did not come here, I was forced here! I want to go home! I a destiny to fulfill!”
>Yes, that would be this talk of “Umbrum” in the letter your Partner had sent you, and from the language within it, a lot was riding on this boy growing a heart here.
“…Well Sombra, why not spend a few days here? You might grow to like it.”
>Sombra scoffs and rolls his eyes. “As if” he says as he walks to the door and throws it open with his shadowy magic.

>>42628421
“Sombra, wait!”
>You get up off your chair and race to the door behind him, the boy was already out onto the fields.
>”Don’t follow me…whatever your name is! You’ve already wasted enough of my time, don’t earn my ire beyond it!”
>Well someone likes to read his dictionary…
>”I don’t think he likes it here yet, Poppy.”
“I can see that Chrysalis, thank you.”
>You leave your doorway and chase after him in your bathrobe.
“Sombra, please come back. It’s clear that you’re an…extremely capable young unicorn, but you don’t have any idea what’s out there!”
>Sombra glances up at you but continues to trot along undeterred.
>You hazard reaching down to put your hand on him.
“Let’s just come eat some breakfast and think about this. Do you like-OWW!”
>The CRACK of Sombra levitating a small stone off the ground and striking you echoes louder than your yelp. You quickly inspect the wound and see a stream of crimson leaking out of you where you were struck.
>”HEY!”
>Oh no.

>>42628427
>A pillar of furious emerald fire springs up before Sombra and deposits Chrysalis directly in front of him. The little boy so beaming with pride stepped back in shock when Chrysalis got in his face, glowing horn and all.
>”You don’t DO that! You don’t GET to do that! Not to HIM!” she shouts.
>”Chrysalis-“
>She doesn’t hear you.
>Sombra quickly recollects himself and stands up to Chrysalis as best as his height will allow. “I’d like to see you stop me.” He says calmly.
>”You REALLY wouldn’t.” Chrysalis counters, her eyes now taking on the green glow of her horn as she grits her teeth.
“HEY!” you shout.
>The valley you live in grows silent as the grave as your voice echoes through it, and Chrysalis instinctively pulls back and puts her rear on the ground.
>Sombra looks in confused shock as you march up to them both.
“Rule one of my house! No fighting! Do NOT break it, either of you!”
>”Yes Poppy.” Your daughter says quickly and respectfully.
>Sombra looks up at you out of the corner of his eye. “What are you.”
>Hmm?
“Beg pardon?”
>Sombra now turns to face you, his face is still contorted in annoyance, but his eyes were far more curious than they were. “The world went silent after a word from you, how did you do that? What COULD do that?”
>Chrysalis eyes her new housemate and then you. “…He’s Poppy, he takes care of us.”
>You offer the boy a smile you know won’t satisfy him.
“She’s right, I’m just me.”
>Sombra’s face gains another emotion beyond annoyance; utter confusion.
“How about you come home with me and we can discuss it over breakfast? I’ll make pancakes.”
>”Oooohh!” Chrysalis says, clapping her hooves together.
>Sombra looks between you and your home before tightening his jaw and marching silently back the way he came.
>This one would take some work, it seemed…

>>42628431
“You’re sure?”
>Sombra climbs his way onto the couch and shoots a glare at you, gone was the trepidation from earlier and he was back to his old self. “I need a bed as little as I need anything else from you. I have claimed this furniture as mine and this is where I will sleep.” He puts his head down and closes his eyes. “See yourself out.”
>You grimace and walk down the hall, knocking twice on the bathroom door before opening it a crack. You’d taken enough soap to the face with the girls to know to know now. “Chryssy, are you brushing behind your fangs?”
>”Yef Poppy!” you hear inside.
“Make sure you wash your face and man as well little lady!”
>”Go to bhed, Poppy!” she commands.
“Fine, jeeze…”
>You shut the door and head into your own room, the only place in the house that was mostly yours. A sigh escapes its way from your mouth as you make your way across the room to your closet and grab your nightware. Your thoughts were, unsurprisingly, occupied by Sombra and what his addition meant to the house.
>It had been a long time since you’d had two youthful bodies under this roof, and the familiar aches of fatigue from your first tenants were starting to rear their heads again in your joints.
“Can I really do this right again…?” you wonder aloud.
>You hear the door to the bathroom open and closes as Chrysalis finishes up, flushing the house to total silence and signaling that you needed to be out as well.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine, I was able to raise Discord! This can’t be much harder…”
>You climb into bed and feel a slight sharp pain in the middle of your chest as you do what you did every night, look out the window to the Mare in the Moon.
“Goodnight, Moon. I love you.”
>And then you lay yourself down to sleep.

>>42628431
>more trashy slop

>>42628434
>Not much however, as your door gets opened not too much later.
>”Poppy?”
>Your muscles pull up upright without you having to think.
“Yes sweety, what is it?” you ask through bleary vision.
>Chrysalis rubs one of her legs on the other and looks to the floor in shame. “I uh…had a nightmare…so can I-“
>You don’t let her get further, instead you just pull back some of your blankets to make room for her.
>The little lovebug excitedly taps her hooves on the floor and races over to you in the darkness, hopping up into the bed and snuggling up next to you.
>You smile and lay back down.
“Now what nightmare brings you here at-“
>You glance out the window at Luna to judge the time.
“-About two or three in the morning?”
>Chrysalis frowns a little bit. “It was about food…”
>What.
“…Food, honey?”

>>42628437
>”Mhm…” she nods before looking up to you. “Remember how I eat love?”
>You nod.
>Chrysalis told you shortly after she began living with you that her species fed on the affection from one being to another. Because she looked the way she looked and because her nature was to some degree vampiric, she said she was supposed to just siphon off love in secret, but that having someone love her directly would fill her for months. You’d endeavored to make sure she wasn’t hungry.
>”Well…I remember how hungry I was before I lived with you, Poppy, but I never…had anyone here but you and-“
>She shuffles uncomfortably under the blankets.
>”I know you had others here first but I’m…afraid that with him living here…I’ll be hungry again-“
>Now you don’t let her get further by talking.
“Are you hungry right now?”
>Chrysalis turns her head around to see your arm encircle her and scooter her closer to you, then she shakes her head.
“Then if you ever feel too hungry while you live here, I want you to bop me on my noggin and set me straight, okay? I never ever ever EVER want to ignore my little girl when she’s in trouble, got it?”
>Not again…
>Chrysalis smiles and nods, then takes her place under your arm to get comfortable. “I love you, Poppy.”
“I love you too, lovebutt. Now let’s get some sleep, hmm? We need to make sure we wake up before Sombra.”
>”Why?”
“So he doesn’t try to burn the house down while we’re asleep or something.”

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>>42619572

>>42628439
This story makes me imagine a scene where Anon gets a cornucopia, but it's full of foals it generates on demand, and he's constantly involved in hijinks trying not to tip it and have even more fall out.

>>42628614
>drole
This is such a weird trend, and I've seen it repeatedly over the years. First off it's spelled droll, not drole. The word means whimsically humorous, but for some reason when it gets used it's always put into a context that would imply the writer is trying to say something is considered dry, trite, and plebeian. At best you might handwave it by saying that the thing it's referencing is in fact amusing, but the character speaking the word is always stuffy and looking down on the subject in a displeased sarcastic fashion. That's an awful lot of license though, more likely that most people just don't know the meaning of droll, and it's happened so many times that the incorrect definition has gained a life of its own.

>>42628866
ultimately, the word originates from French, "drôle". It's kinda parallel to the word "funny", as it can mean "strange", or a bizarre or unexpected form of "amusing".
If there's any Frenchmen here, they can correct me, as I only speak it as third language instead of constant daily usage.
>double dubs checked

>>42628795
He’s probably gotten every dad gift under the sun

>>42628866
Your first mistake was expecting that an internet artist wasn’t an esl

>>42628439
I like this story

>>42619583
This may be the greatest thing every created by this board.

>>42618064
It's ok. I'm just drunk.
Wait what are you doing in my house?

9

>>42629443
Gonna get his head shat on.

>>42631021
Why is it always fecal matter with you, Parminder?

>>42631085
Classic

>>42631351
A truly immersive Anon In Equestria

>>42631748
>self-immerse

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Did SeaUrchin delete his Equestria Girls fic where Anonymous is a vampire hunter with heart problems seeking revenge for his family by trying to date Rainbow Dash and Rarity to get close to them? Or am I thinking of someone else because I can't find it anywhere.
https://pastebin.com/u/SeaUrchin

>>42631998
This is Anon in Equestria, not
Los El Anonimo De La Brasilia Girls

>>42632003
My mistake, would you like me to eat your butt in penance?

>>42632038
least disgusting EqG poster

>>42631998
Cute bug

>>42632038
least based EqG poster

>>42632592
>EqG poster attempts to use a meme
>does about as poorly as you'd expect

>>42632607
>copium: the post
Desu.

>>42632616
Learn how to use a meme properly before you embarrass yourself again, fag

>>42613678
>"Welllllllllll, I thought yanno you looked kinda sad with your arms all bandaged up 'n stuff so I thought we could make'em happy!!"
>Pinkie smiles, then frowns again, her tail twitches.
>"Anonymous......"
>Her tail twitches again, Pinkie pauses and looks around.
>"Shhh!"
>You raise your brow at that.
You're telling me to shut up now? I didn't even say anything.
>"Whuh-nooo! I am not telling you to..."
>Her tail twitches again, which gets Pinkie to stand up and zip out of the room, her little hooves clicking away on the mahoganey floor out away past the resturaunt and up to the top floor.
>You're alone.
>Holding up your arms still, you look down at the beads, tilting your head as you admire the multicoloured decorations hiding evidence of your self destruction.
>Some say your name.
>Alot of them have happy words or phrases, like 'PARTY', 'COOL HUMAN', 'WONDERFUL DAYS AHEAD'.
>Most of them are just colourful beads, arranged perfectly and in sequences of meanings you do not comprehend.
>Your heart thumps a little, things feel spacious, like you're standing in space while you sat right there at your table.
>When you notice the bandages under the beads, just barely, your heart pulls inward and twists.
>Then it hits you, something inside, something outside maybe..? No, that didn't make sense, did it? But...there's almost a voice that you can hear, reverberating inside of yourself, it says..
>'The kitchen.'
>Looking at your beads for a little bit more, you let your arms rest and leave your seat.
>The kitchen was empty as you stepped into it, noticing an array of mixing bowls and various ingredients around in it, a few dirty counters.
>Joy though, such good joy comes to life when you see it.
>An oven.
>A gas oven.
>Turn it on, tears streaming down your face, because even still you can't help but cry when you finally get close to the end. Pussy that you are.
>Before you know it, your heads inside, and the first thing you notice...is that it's dirty.
>You don't mind though.
>Just need to wait.
>Time passes.
>Then more time passes.
>"Awww!" Yells a pink pony who'd just galloped into the kitchen behind you, giggling.
>"Anony-mony-mous how'd you know our oven was broken!" She gasps, rushing close to you and pulling at the back of your shirt, helping you pull out.
>"Trying to help ol' Pinkie pie..."
Yeah, aren't I great?
>You cough, rubbing off crumbs from your face, beads clicking lightly with movement of your upper extremities.
>"Maybe you're not sucha bad human after all, wanting to help your good friend!"
We aren't friends. Fuck off. I hope you drown in a lake.
>Pinkie cringes, sniffling, eyes turning down she mumbles a weak apology as she watches you leave the building.
>Broken oven.
>No gas.
>Caught you laying inside it like an idiot.
>Yelled at her.
>You yell at everyone.
>She knows how you are, why act surprised?
>You hit play on your Ipod, waste the rest of the day sleeping at home.

>>42632704
>You are now Pinkie Pie.
>Your tail lied to you, it's doing that a whole heck of a lot lately.
>Sadly, you nudge the silly umbrella hat you wear when it starts twitchy-itching.
Why's Anon gotta be such a meanie pants for anyway..
>He didn't even notice it when you put it on, not even the eensiest teensiest little glance at it, not one!
>It's such a fun hat too, and it keeps you safe when dangers a hoof away. Why couldn't he have fun with it too?
>You let out a deep breath from your nose, looking at the open oven.
>Bet he only wanted to help fix it so he could YELL and say such awful terrible things again.
>Atleast you got to give him his beads and make his poor poor arms look happy again.
>You feel icky when it pops up, but you hope against hope that Anonymous never comes back to Sugarcube Corner again.
>Ignoring the fact that this is the first time he's been around in months, if not years, you turn off the oven.
>You don't REMEMBER turning it on but you're so upset you can't really remember how the day started at all anymore.
>You even had a super duper mega uber IMPORTANT thing you had wanted to ask Anon before you got distracted by your-
>Your tail twitches, you frown turning and blowing a raspberry at it.
Would you shush!!! You keep fibbing to me and I'm getting sick and tired of it, tail! No more shenanigans and that's THAT.
>It twitches again, you give an exasperated sigh, sitting down.
Oh, tail, poor sweet innocent simple tail, whatever is Auntie Pinkie gonna do with you?
>Twitch twitch twitch.

>>42632930
So excited to see how this shall all end.

>>42632930
Oh he’s gonna jump isn’t he

9

>>42633085
But will he flip

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bloop

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It's not like ponies will know who you were back on Earth, would you use this for a chance at a new beginning, a new (you)?
Would you sell them a persona or just bee urself?

>>42634165
My personal fantasy is that they know exactly who I was, through alicorn mind reading magic, or Luna reading my memories through dreams...and they're cool with it. They know about all my pent up aggression, hatred for humanity, and general lack of enthusiasm for being alive...they understand. I go on to do both, being myself while the ponies help me craft a new form of my personality, by not even doing much, just through the magic of friendship and not being surround by manipulative dickheads...
Oh and they know about my pony fetish and...
>Celestia: grossed out but understands, doesn't care as long as I hurt no pony.
>Luna: is rather ambivalent, since she's seen everything directly herself. Not sure if turned on or scared...or both.
>Twilight: absolutely hyped to teach me about the equine estrus cycle.
>Rainbow dash: literally cannot stop laughing.
>Pinkie pie: thinks it's hot but is also laughing because rainbow dash
>Pinkamina Diane pie: wants to hate fuck me.
>Fluttershy: very understanding, says it's fine to become physically attracted to a different species, it's natural when you're infatuation was based on their personality before it evolved into a physical one, and...
Rarity: asking if she can hook me up with some pony, she'd love to try making formal wear for a human.
Applejack: WhAt iN TaRnAtIoN?! THAT BOY AIN'T RIGHT...

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>>42634242
Aww fuck forgot I was doing greentext lmao here have some pony for the trouble

>>42634165
Fuck yes. Human cynicism and pessimism is a curse, ponies have no reason for either, being morally superior in every way as they are.

>>42634165
I'd make myself a new life, free from past obligations and burdens, using my accumulated wardrobe of personas to achieve my own goals. Of course, one cannot fuck around with public image while staying in the same place, so I'd have to live life on the move, and probably just wander until either I perish from finding out, or some gal chooses to knock some sense in me and settle me down with her.
It's a fantasy that doesn't eat into my time for work or resting, though it does invalidate the point of a waifu to me, because the journey would make me a changed man and reveal folks hidden by distance from the perspective the universe has been viewed through in the show.
I do respect those who'd have the patience to stay in Ponyville or Canterlot, because the boredom would probably kill me

>>42634165
Can’t be no one but me

>>42634165
Why would I hide who I am, or put up an act? I'm not a faggy misanthrope or desperate for pussy and validation to the point I will remove my dignity and identity. If a mare likes me, great. If not I just carry on with my life like I always did, like I always expected.

>>42620356
>the ziggling notion

>>42634165
Any mask would slip fast

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>>42634987
>My mask of outward harmony and random song numbers is beginning to slip.

>>42634251
Two of those are not insects. That Twilight is an imposter.

>>42635387
>"Behind this question mark mask I am just...not...there."

>>42634570
Based healthy self esteem anon

>>42634242
Your life will improve when you stop being a cynical asshole.

>>42636135
Probably not I have autism and zero support system also I just want to die and am no longer mentally capable of caring deeply about anything.

>>42634165
>be me, mediocre looking self hating dork
>get teleported to equestria
>still be me, mediocre looking self hating dork
to be honest the only way i'd ever be able to pull off a persona is if i got bullshit wish fulfillment abilities or something, i am not that socially adept or deceptive

>>42634165
I wouldn't need a persona (I don't need one irl, lol), but would still be forced to lie because of my "arcane cosmic knowledge" about Lauren and general fictional nature of their world

>>42636264
Do a flip then, I dunno.

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topping us off so the fat trixie slide threads don't kill us

>>42636687
I can't do that either T_T

>>42635929
"This isn't who I am, Behind this green mask... inside I am... I am more."
>But inside doesn't matter.

>>42637125
Dive bomb!

>>42634165
I wouldn't need to sell them a lie. If I end up in Equestria for whatever reason, I'd just become a recluse.
Because I doubt my dangerously autistic sufferkino powerfantasy would ever happen

>>42634165
I'd take the chance for a new beginning, reform myself into who I'd like to be and heal from some shit i guess

>>42637052
What fat Trixie slide threads? Anons keep bringing them up, but I never see any. I feel like my ass is being gaslit.

>>42634165
I'd probably just chill and bee myself.

>>42638168
It's just one of the many flavors of sliders the board has had to deal with lately, there's an entire page of them up right now.

>>42638168
https://desuarchive.org/mlp/search/text/fat%21/type/op/
https://desuarchive.org/mlp/search/text/billion/type/op/
One of derpibooru forum's most autistic of autists occasionally comes here to spam his gross fetishes, and then at some point he'll have a complete breakdown and change to spamming gore, and then after that he goes completely silent for another few months before repeating.
Usually the hotpockets are pretty good about it, but sometimes we'll lose a couple pages when they're sleeping.

>>42638704
All the cool autists have been replaced with the bad autists. We need that FIM movie bad.

=Familia 16=

>There were times when you could remember Earth.
>It was strange, you’d no idea how long you’d been on Equestria, the days and months and years all seemed to flow together now, but you never forgot where you had been born.
>In the past you had remembered streets and roads, people and houses, great things you could build with your hands and tried to recreate here for your children.
>Today you were thinking about cigarettes and how you could really use one right now.
“I didn’t even smoke…”
>A leather bound book crashing through the window next to you and landing in your back yard where you were taking your refuge pulled you out of your thoughts with an annoyed sigh.
>”NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!” you heard from inside.
>”THIS IS YOUR FAULT!” came the immediate response.
>Your head hangs and shakes as you sigh for the millionth time today alone.
“If it were easy, everyone would be doing it, right Partner?” you ask the wind.
>Old bones creek a bit as you stand up and compose yourself, entering the house to a tense standoff between siblings.
>Both Chrysalis and Sombra had grown over the years in your care, now both in what you would call their “adolescent” stage.
>Which brought with it all the joys of puberty.
>They both turn to face you as you enter the home and lose just a smidgen of the fire in their eyes.
>You keep it brief.
“Whoever threw that is fixing the window. Tonight.”
>”I-“
>”Chrysalis threw it.” Sombra answers quickly.
>The bitter embers in Chrysalis flare up to an inferno as she grits her teeth and gets in her brother’s face.
“Because YOU were hiding behind it when I was talking to you, oaf!”
>Sombra narrows his eyes and glares back at Chrysalis.

>>42639322
>You step in.
“Chrysalis, the window. Now.”
>All her time with you must still be forming the foundation of her mind because even though you don’t see that fire in her eyes die at all, she pulls her head back and grumbles “Yes, poppy.”
>Sombra allows himself a half-smirk at his perceived victory as you walk into the house and Chrysalis walks out, first aiming to get the book.
>”Well spoken.” He says.
“For that, go help her.”
>Sombra’s eyes bug out and he stomps his hoof at you. “What!? Why?! I will not!”
>You turn towards him slowly and point out the back door.
“I saw your look. There will be no scheming rivalry or pulling one over on one another in my home. Go. And help her.”
>Sombra’s pupils shrink as he lowers his head and glares at you. Chrysalis may have poor control of her emotions sometimes, but you knew she was all talk.
>The boy was a different story, however. You could see clear intent behind those eyes at times. The only counteraction to it you’d found was standing up to him.
“Daylight’s burning.”
>Sombra snorts and trudges towards the back door. Chrysalis spots him and pokes her head up to see through the window. “HA-!”
>A single glance from you sends her face into freefall and scrambling for recovery.
>”HAAAAAeey, do we have any spare glass anywhere?” she asks sheepishly.
>Silence fills the air for a moment as you look at her and she tries a small smile.
“That was a poor save. Pick the glass up from out there first, then we’ll see what we can do.”
>”Yessir.” She answers.
>”This is your fault.” You hear Sombra says once he’s outside.
>Chrysalis shushes him rather than let the argument take on new legs.
>Good.

>>42639327
>You wait till the two of them are out of earshot before falling backwards into your chair and rubbing your face.
>There were occasional days such as today where you fear you’re not cut out for this job.
>”Strong men carry with them strong spirits”, your father used to say, and the children you watch over now are mighty indeed while you yourself were…not.
>Even as a boy so many lifetimes ago, you were far happier sitting and listening like a tree instead of standing like the little mountains you were caring for.
>Celestia and Luna, even Discord at times, you had taken for granted. It was always so easier to talk to those three and you’d all spent such time together that you knew one another inside and out, and if there was something you didn’t get, you could go ask another.
>But most importantly they all LIKED each other, even Discord. Sombra and Chrysalis were just…constantly at each other’s throats since Sombra’d arrived. Assigning blame was a fool’s errand that would lead to trouble, but it was difficult to avoid thinking that his attitude had at least something to do with it.
>Squabbling voices outside push your introspective thoughts back again and force you out of your seat.
>The two of them were at it again, arguing out by the tree.
>”I’ll pick up the glass, you go see if any of the wood from the house was damaged!” Chrysalis shouts.
>I should not even be out here you porous poppy! You were the one who threw the book, you shall be the one to repair the damage! And you owe me a new book!”
>”I’ll give you a new attitude, how about that?! It’ll do you much more good than another book will!”
>You sigh and lean on the frame of the door.

>>42639330
>The siblings continue to just go AT IT, leaving you to marvel at where they find the energy to feud over the most trivial things.
>”I’d like to see you try!” Sombra shouts.
>”I’ll do more than try you ungrateful inmate! Poppy and I were living perfectly fine out here by ourselves when he took you in and this is how you repay us!? I should reduce you to that of a common rabbit and keep you as a PET!”
>Now hold-
“Repay? Ungrateful? I was forced here you vapid slattern! You and that bovine guardian keep me here to teach me how to be "proper" or some other such rubbish and deny the BOTH of us the lives we could be living beyond this place to continue playing at some infantile storybook fantasy!”
>Chrysalis is taken aback. “Vapi-! Slatt-“
>You see the gears in her head turning as she works out what was said to her until she turns to you. “Poppy! Sombra called me a name!”
>You restrain your response for a moment, then get off the door frame.
“I should ground both of you until you move out…”
>Saying that was a mistake, now they’re both set off.
>It barely takes a heartbeat for the both to get to a foot from you and start either begging you not to ground them or declaring how doing so would visit ruination upon you.
>Every word they said was like a thousand swords stabbing you in the brain.
>”Saints alive, I hope I was never like that.”

>>42639335
>Wait you know that voice.
>You and the kids turn your collective heads to the source, a wafting pastel mane peaking around the corner of the house with an impish smile.
>”Hi Daddy!” she exclaims.
>A smile tugs at the corner of your lips as the sight of your oldest, grown so tall when just yesterday she barely got up to your knees and looking like she was born wearing her raiment.
“Heh…hello Tia.”
>Celestia smiles and prances around the side of the house to the back door, she has a brown wicker basket floating in her grip. “The royal bake sale had about fifty extra Super Sugar cookies left over so I brought you a basket of thirty!”
>You take the basket happily.
“What happened to the other twenty?”
>Celestia looks like a guilty filly for a few moments. “…It was a long flight.”
>You laugh, Chrysalis groans.
>”Of course YOU would show up here on a day like today…” she says.
>Celestia smiles down at the Changeling and nuzzles her face. “Hello again, little friend! I’m so glad to see you again since the…uncomfortableness.”
>You reach out and pet Celestia’s mane. The first time she’d met Chrysalis was when she came to you after defeating Luna, you didn’t want her thinking about that.

>>42639336
>Chrysalis groans, Celestia shows mercy and turns her attention to Sombra. “But I haven’t met you before…are you new? Daddy, is he new?”
“This is Sombra, Celestia.”
>Celestia bows her head in greeting. “I bid you welcome, Sombra. You are in the best of hands possible.”
>Sombra appears uncomfortable at all the ceremony and uncharacteristically backs away. “The only “hands” I want to be in are my own, quim.”
>Celestia blinks, puzzled. “You speak like my sister used to…” she says, rising with a smile. “You’ll be a fun one.”
>A glinting piece of glass catches her eye. “Oh dear! What happened to the window?”
>Chrysalis attempts to dodge further interaction with Celestia. “It broke.”
>”Well that will not do!”
>Celestia’s horn glows a gentle gold, making all the pieces of shattered glass raise off the ground and reassemble themselves inside the window frame like a fractal jigsaw puzzle. A quick flash of magic connects the pieces and restores the window as if it were never broken in the first place.
>Chrysalis looks annoyed, Sombra looks astounded. “How did yo-OW!”
>He recoils as the book that started all this hits him in the back of the head.
>”Ah! You dropped this, little Sombra.”
>He begins to grumble but Celestia pushes the door open. “But come! I have cookies and some of them have my name on them!”
>Both of your children give a quick glance towards you, gauging your response to this idea.
>You shrug.
“The window is fixed, you two aren’t fighting, and I’m far too old to discipline you all night. If there’s no harm, let’s eat, shall we?”
>Chrysalis and Sombra strike momentary peace with a glance and head inside, you pause and talk to Celestia.
“Just decided to stop in?”
>”Originally, yes.” She says with a wink “But you looked like you would appreciate the help.”

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>>42638872
>This fall...
>One man..
>One Equestria...

>>42639516
Thanks Don, very cool.

10

>>42640209
>nice
>unf
>cute
>ahah
>10
>bump

>>42640520
Look anon, if you're mad about bumps you're gonna be mad forever.
It's been a common thing since 2012, literally the day after the board was made.
https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/6849/#8580

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>>42640531
don't mind the schizo known as sunfag, he attacks threads (most noticable is when he shits on EqG threads when they're made). Probably just a shartyteen trying to kill /mlp/

>>42640495
Anon x possessive Luna.

>>42640531
Mad forever describes a lot of the people with a stick up their ass

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>>42640546
I'm starting to think this "sunfag" is someone you made up just to cope with someone disagreeing with you online
I've seen you call several different anons (me included) sunfag.

>>42640952
The downside of anonymous posting is that it makes local schizos much more of a problem because we can’t even be sure “they” exist, we just see their handiwork

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>>42641119
The thing about """schizos""" on anonymous image boards is that the ones that actually exist have habits or identifiable traits.
The twilight slideschizo or the peachbottom autist are good examples. Granted it's not always obvious, but there are still signs of some of these schizos actually existing.
This "sunfag" character seems to only exist in the mind of one fag with a victim complex, and I NEVER get an answer when I ask who the fuck he is.
I'm getting so sick of this poopdickschizo bullshit. I know this board doesn't have a lot of people on it, but fuck me it's not impossible that more than one person holds a similar opinion.
Anyways ponies.

>>42641300
It's cool, I got it.
>*gets Raid and a lighter*

>>42641402
Don't do that, you'll burn his shirt off, and if Fluttershy sees that we'll have to merge with /flutterrape/

>>42641300
Why is her neck so big.

>>42641829
Better to fit the fucking tripod I'm carrying.

>>42640531
Man how do you find this stuff.

>>42642654
Me writing

>>42641879
No photos of royalty

>>42634165
I would choose not to go to Equestria because being gone would make my mom sad

=Familia 17=

>A knocking at your door draws your attention away from the scroll you were reading.
>”One second Twilight! I’ll get it!” you hear Spike call.
>You hope up from your table and head for the front door
“Don’t worry Spike! I have it!”
>Based on the time and date, you knew who it was.
>You throw open the door to Anonymous and a pony no one in town had ever seen before.
>”Hello there, Twilight!” Anonymous says.
>”I hate this. I hate this. I hate everything about this and wish I were dead.” His companion muttered.
“Uh…will Chrysalis be okay?” you ask.
>Anonymous reaches down and pets the disguised Changeling Queen’s head, who smiles faintly despite clearly being in a bad mood. “Chryssy just doesn’t like this disguise, but she’s promised me that she’ll be putting on a brave face and behaving all day today, isn’t that right sweetheart?”
>Chrysalis sighs and rights her mane. “Only for you, Poppy. Only ever for you.”
>Anonymous smiles, which makes her smile faintly too.
>”Well, if she is ready than so am I!” Anonymous beams.
>You smile back at him and float your quill and scroll back to your table.
“Spike! I’m going to be showing Anonymous and…a friend around Ponyville for a bit! Lock the door, will you?”
>”Okaaaaaay!” you hear him call back.
>You leave your tree house and take a few steps down the road.
“First I think let’s visit the bakery!”
>”I adore sweets! Lead the way, Twilight!”
>Chrysalis groans “You two are giving me diabetes already…”

>>42644675
-The Past-
>”Poppy! Poppy! I found one!
>Chrysalis bounds up the hill ahead of you and stops by a tree at the top.
“Hey! Hey! Hold on! I’m not as fast as I used to be!”
>You chase after your daughter up to the top of the hill and take a gander at what she’s found, a natural apple tree with glistening red orbs of nutrients dangling seductively from its branches.
“Nice find, Chryssy. How did you get so good at this?”
>The teenage Changeling puffs out her chest and grins triumphantly. “Because I am the most amazing daughter ever, Poppy. That is why.” She beams.
>You laugh and pet her head, soaking in her affectionately pressing into your hand and pretending you didn’t notice her jealously looking to the sun with one eye.
“Let’s get to picking! If we’re quick, we can be home before-“
>Both you and Chrysalis’ heads bolt to the side as you hear a tree crack and fall over. Chrysalis leaps in front of you with her head low and horn towards the danger.
>After a few moments pass, you reach your hand out and touch her back.
“It’s okay, we’re safe.”
>”R-right.” She says, composing herself. “What was that?” she then wonders.
>You had an idea, but someone had to pick these apples.
“Why don’t you try that trick you learned and see?”
>Chrysalis smiles a full, open-mouth smile. “Aha! What a wonderful idea! Alright, hold on…”
>She focuses herself and straightens her stance, closing her eyes and blinking a few times as emerald flame flits about her eyelashes and she aims to get it just right.
>Finally, when she opens her eyes, they’re no longer green and slitted but blue and compound as her insectoid appearance would make you expect.

>>42644706
“What do you see, sweetheart?”
>”I’m focusing, oooone second.” She says as you continue you pick fruit for lunch tomorrow. It didn’t bother you doing all the work at this point, you were far too used to the single father lifestyle. And besides, you enjoyed spending time with all your children.
>Chrysalis gasps at something. “Father, I see the ponies you told us about!”
>That actually catches you off guard, but only for a moment.
“Huh. Really?”
>How far were you two walking to get here…?
>You take the bushel of crop you already had and walk up next to Chrysalis, careful to keep ready in case you had to hide. Sure enough, you can see tiny blobs in the distance working through a clearing in and out of some makeshift structures.
“Can you see what they’re doing?”
>”It looks like they’re cutting down trees. I see a lot of older ones going into the forest…and a little green filly passing out some golden fluid to them?”
“Cider, for the workers to keep them cool.”
>”Mm…now one of them is hugging her, it must be one of her parents…they have the same color hair.”
“Mane, sweetheart. For ponies, it’s called a mane.”
>”Right, right. I knew that.”

>>42644709
>You close your eyes and take in the cool breeze as Chrysalis continues to look down the hill at the newcomers, fascinated by ones who were outside of her small little world.
>This was good for her, you knew. She wasn’t a little filly anymore and was getting to the age where she’d soon go off on her own into the world, like Celestia, Luna and Discord. Already you occasionally heard her talking about the “others” in her sleep at night. You knew that if there was one like her, there may be others, and that being among her own kind would be something she would have to do.
>You sigh and look to the spot in the sky the moon occupied every night.
>For better or worse, it was something she would have to do.
>”They’re putting up a sign now. ‘Future site of…Ponyville’?”
>Chrysalis blinks her eyes back to normal and turns her head to you, cocking an eyebrow with a sly expression. “A bit on the nose, isn’t it?”
>You snicker and cover your mouth
“Where did you learn that?”
>”I’ve been eating your sense of humor while you sleep. OoooOoOoOoo!” she mocks.
>You pat her shoulder and pick up the basket you had already.
“Let’s fill this and skedaddle. We don’t want to be seen, and I have the feeling those settlers will need these trees more than we will.”

>>42644711
-The Present-
>”Hrm…ketchup? Or…catsup?” Anonymous pondered at the stall, a bottle of condiments in each hand.
>Your sheepish snickering at the situation was drowned out by the sound of your other traveling companion groaning next to you on the bench.
>”This is why we don’t take him shopping, Sparkle.” Complains a disguised Chrysalis. “He lives at a different speed from the rest of society after raising all of us.”
“Really? He seems alert and full of life whenever I’ve seen him, Chrysalis.”
>”Because you’ve only ever seen him around us. He doesn’t have the space for anything else.” She retorts.
>Chrysalis gets a look in her eye as she watches the old man go back and forth between the bottles, like she’s staring through the crowds of other shoppers from Ponyville and is back at her old home, just her and Anonymous, again.
>”Poppy has given us everything he has inside of him and more over the many years. When he is among us, he somehow summons up more of himself to be the father we all loved, but you now see him when he’s alone.”

>>42644713
>A flicker of pain passes through Chrysalis’s eye. “Slow, doting, as if a sufficiently stiff breeze could topple him and break his fragile bones…” Her teeth clench and get a bit sharper, her emotions doubtlessly overpowering her transformation. “It disgusts me that Celestia leaves him in that cottage, away from anyone who could care for him.”
“Hey! Easy, easy!”
>You extend one of your new wings over in front of Chrysalis’s face to hide her from the townsfolk and snap her out of her mood.
“I’d prefer you grumpy and disguised over angry and making a panic!”
>Chrysalis composes herself and bats your wing away. “I am not ‘GRUMPY’.”
“You could have fooled me. Every time I see you with Anonymous, you look grumpy.”
>Chrysalis gets right up in your face and snorts through her nose. “I am like that because I am also seeing YOU, Sparkle. Make no mistake. Our ceasefire is no peace.”
>You brush her off with your hooves this time.
“Uhg! I thought it was just having to be a pony this time, but you’re just constantly miserable.”
>Chrysalis huffs part of her mane out of her face and looks to Anonymous. “I have no problem being whatever shape I must for Poppy, Sparkle…no trouble at all.”
“Oh no, is this another flashba-“

>>42644715
>Something bumps in the house late at night and pulls you from your sleep, sitting straight up in your bed.
“Sombra?”
>He liked to occasionally root around the house for any of the few books he hadn’t read front to back and memorized. There was also the possibility it could be your illustrious Partner blowing the breeze.
“Red, that you?”
>You rise from off your bed and creep to your door. You remember the night alone with Chrysalis, so many years ago when Celestia came knocking after sealing away Luna when you had thought there was…something at the door come for you and her and how you mustered up the strength to be ready to fight whatever it was. You call on that courage again as you open the door to the hall and creep out.
>Slightly to your surprise, you hear swearing.
>”Ow ow ow ow!”
“Chryyyyyyys?”
>The swearing stops dead in its tracks and you jump around the corner of the hall to see what the heck was going on. That’s when your jaw nearly hits the floor.

>>42644717
>Time had lost meaning since you arrived in Equestria. You remember that you were contacted by your partner Red shortly after arriving here, and that she needed your help. You agreed, and the girls were dropped off.
>Since then every day had been devoted to fathering the little ponies and occasional patchwork draconequus, and apart Aspen they were the only living souls you interacted with. If you didn’t have a mirror, you’d have forgotten what your own face looked like, or a human face at all.
>Which made seeing one in your kitchen with a hand in the fruit jar a bit of a shock.
>To her credit, she looks back at you equally shocked at being caught, her teenage body freezing in place as her emerald eyes darting back and forth looking for a place to go.
>Wait, emerald eyes? Turquoise, moss-like hair? Ashen skin tone?
“Chrysalis?”
>”Uhh! No!”

>>42644719
“Chrys, what the heck-butt-nuts!?”
>Being a dad meant you hadn’t uttered a swear in over a thousand years.
>Chrysalis opens her too human mouth and shrugs “Ssssuuuuurrrprise! Haha! Hah! Ah…”
>A tension filled few seconds of silence pass before you hang your arms in front of you and tilt your head sideways.
“Bu-huh?”
>Chrysalis sighs and crosses her arms. “I was hoping to surprise you once I perfected it, but…”
“Oh I’m plenty surprised.”
>Fatherly instincts kick in and you approach her, arms outstretched to her to catch her as if her shape would dissolve at any moment.
“W-what is this?”
>Chrysalis smiles shyly but rubs her arm. “Well…it’s something I’ve been thinking about and working on for a while now, and after seeing that little filly and her mother today, I…”
>She looks back to you with cat-like pupils and curtsies. “Hehe. Tadaa! What do you think?”
>You approach her gently, as a father would, and kneel to her eye level.
“Sweetie…”
>You look her in the eyes, the same eyes you saw every morning but in a different shape, as her face beamed with pride.
“I want you to turn back to normal.”

>>42644720
>That face contorted through a flurry of emotions. Shock, confusion, shame, eventually settling on pain. She looks down at her feet with tears in the corner of her eyes.
>”…No, I understand.” She sniffs her petite little nose. “I-I should have asked before I did this.”
>She turns her face up, tears welling in her eyes more as she looks into yours. “I just thought being like this would help me be your-“
>You silence her by sweeping her into a hug that encompasses her entire upper body.
“Not another syllable like that out of you, young lady!”
>Chrysalis freezes in your grasp, afraid of even breathing until she understands your thoughts.
“You…don’t say that. Ever.”
>You gently pet her head to calm her down.
“That little filly today looks like her mother. My children do not. That doesn’t mean I love them any less.”
“You don’t have to ever be “like me” to have me love you, little one. I already do, and I can never stop.”
>”P-poppy…”
“You never have to TRY for my love, Chrysalis. You never have to struggle like however you came into my home. My door is ALWAYS open to my children, just like my heart is.
>You feel her shape change in your hands and her face get longer as it whimpers and rubs against your damp shoulder.
>The two of you stay like that for a while.

>>42644723
>You push the door to the library open with your magic.
“Spiiiiike! We’re back!”
>No answer.
>Meaning he was probably asleep.
>You smile and shake your head. You couldn’t get mad at him, today was a perfect day for being lazy.
>Not that you’d ever do that.
>You head back out and find Anonymous and Chrysalis by the mailbox while Anonymous sips from two separate drinks. He looks at you and licks his lips.
>”I think I like the Mango Blast better.”
>You smugly smile at Chrysalis.
“I told you.”
>”Everyone’s a critic.” She mutters, sipping her Orange Twist by herself.
>A tinge of magic in the air turns your attention to the sky, where the sun hangs mighty low in the sky. Those two facts lead you to deduce that Celestia was going to usher in the night any moment.
“Well, it’s late, and I’ve got a dragon to catch up on his cataloguing.”
>”And I have to go convince that blasted Sun-“Sister” of mine to get her pegusai to move clouds over the badlands. Her rays are making it unbearable in the summer.”
>You glance back to the front door.
“Perhaps it’s best we part ways here the-“
>You turn back to the two of them and find Chrysalis and Anonymous in an embrace. She has her eyes closed as she rests her head on his shoulder and he gently pets her mane with the same expression. The movements look practiced and learned and you feel you’d be interrupting something sacred if you stepped in.
>So for the time being, you’re content to sip your dink and smile at the two.

>>42640531
My ancestor...

10

well, i’m partway through the next update for the armored core green, and the front panel of my tower shit itself and will no longer start the PC. tried to short the power pins but that didn’t work either, praying it’s not the mobo. shit sucks
until i get all that sorted i’ll be writing about ponies from my phone

>>42645467
that's rough, buddy. Best of luck!

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>>42617209
you arrive in equestria but the only thing you forget is that MLP existed and anything related to MLP but remember everything else in your life that happened before landing in equestria. realistically how easy are you acclimating to the new world that you know nothing about?

>>42645467
Stop licking the cables

>>42645788
I'd be cooked, and probably die picking up a fight with local wildlife.
I'm gonna be honest, the escapism of this fictional universe has made me a more chill person than before, and I used to take surprise pretty badly.

>>42645788
Considering the long form friends I’ve made, I’d probably be very alarmed at suddenly forgetting them

>>42645467
Boooooo

>>42643838
goochie goo~

>>42645788
All my concerns would wash away as soon as I get a whiff of hot horse coc- I mean pussy.

>>42650491
..what's wrong with horse cocoa?

>>42634165
Sounds like a fast way to end up hating yourself.

>>42651541
Yeah, not like anyone who posts here doesn't/didn't already hate themselves before.

>>42651567
I don’t, I’m pretty great

>>42651567
Do a flip faggot

>>42645467
Use voice to text, in public, it’ll be fine

>>42637786
>The ponies think you’re too damaged to help
What then

>>42655493
Become the monster they think of me.

>>42645788
>404 years of shitposting
>404 irl friends
sounds like "I" wouldn't be in Equestria, just a man that has my physical body and some of my memories

>>42657442
Whoa, deep shit, Neo

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>>42657446
>tfw no green about pony matrix with /mlp/-aware anon(s)

>>42657451
>"Dodge this."
>*boops u*

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>>42657823
>>42657451
>don't try to cum inside Rainbow Dash, that's impossible
>instead only try to realize the truth
>>what truth?
>there's no Rainbow Dash

>>42657446
It’s pretty rudimentary,but.a good jumping off point

>>42632930
>https://ponepaste.org/user/Ashvamedha
Will update soon, that said I've gone ahead and uploaded the first two chapters of green.

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>>42645467
temporary workaround acquired, resuming progress as normal. thank you cmos reset button

>>42655493
I'm not one of those misanthropic "ponies are better than us in every possible way!!!1" autists, but I gotta say, they would still try. And to be fair, a lot of human beings would still try, too

>>42659958
>computerized opponent stymieing the progress of a human trying to achieve greatness
Oddly appropriate for an Armored Core crossover.

>>42660632
And ne omcrthey find out how out of their league you are??

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>>42662497
Anon's having a seizure! Help me get him into the emergency room!

>>42662716
Me throwing my custom tennis ball at a horse

>>42662716
>Anon gets forcibly admitted for Hysteria
>again
>now, he didn't like to second-guess them because they were medical professionals after all
>still, he had his doubts when he realized Red Heart had a shelf with a curtain over it containing several magically preserved glass jars of his essence

>>42663618
>One had a Rainbow Dash figure in it

>>42663960
>A vast conspiracy unfolds.
>What? Them stealing all the cum jars? No no, that's just a Friday night out with the girls.
>Where... did ponies, with no petrochemicals technology... acquire plastic?

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>>42662716
He's not a pony, you'll need to bring in a vet instead.

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>>42657914
>you took the red pill, and woke up to this

>>42666115
looks more like the Construct desu

>>42665337
I keep seeing different variations of this image. What is the original, and where did it come from?

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>>42666751
I don't really know the answer to either question, but I was able to come up with this one and an artist name of rrdartist.

>>42650888
It's sort of like civet coffee.

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Stranger danger

>>42668943
The only thing strange is that anyone draws anon with muscles

>>42667505
Damn.

>>42668943
He looks confused

>>42667505
I love wall eyes expressions

>>42659958
Better replace it fast, it's probably still a time bomb.

Writefags
Is your AiE green a "Chronicles of Narnia" or is it an "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court"?
All AiE greens fall into one of those two categories.

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>>42672130
I'm an uncultured swine so I've never read any of those books

>>42672140
You'd make Twilight pretty sad, saying something like that. You still have time, and access to a public library.

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>>42672150
I'm too lazy to read.
I picked up a copy of 1984 and I enjoyed the few chapters I read, but I just can't be fucked to read like I used to.
Twilight will remain disappointed.

=Familia 18=

>Rain patters against the windows as you chop vegetables and slide them into an earthen bowl.
“There we go…a nice healthy dinner…”
>You set the table and smile at a job well done.
“Kids! Supper!”
>The only answer you get is the rain on your roof, probably dulling your voice so they couldn’t hear.
>In a house this old you weren’t surprised; your joints weren’t the only things that popped and echoed at this ripe old age. Normally you could hear just about everything in your tiny cottage, but not on nights like this, when mother nature was putting on a show outside louder than you could be.
“Jeeze louise…making a man work like this.”
>You take off your apron and head down the hall.
“Sombra! Chrys! Dinner time, come get it!”
>You open Chrysalis’ door and find your daughter’s room suspiciously empty. You hadn’t seen any doppelgangers of yourself around and the rain was too heavy to go out, so she had to be somewhere…
>Faint voices come through the walls from down the hall, towards Sombra’s room.
>You amble down that way and turn the knob the special way only you knew that got around the lock.
>”-on’t be an IDIOT, Sombra!” was the first thing you heard.
>Great, this should be fun.
>Sombra has a bag on his bed and is stuffing his few belongings into it; several styles of rock and sediment going up to rudimentary crystalline formations, all his books he still read, and some hearty cloaks.
>You know what this is when they both look at you and your first instinct is to diffuse.
“Are we going on a family vacation?”
>Sombra’s grimace deepens, Chrysalis only looks concerned.
>Every so often, Sombra would decide that he’d had enough of his time here and would decide to leave, as he had done when he was little, but you’d always turned him around. The instances became more frequent as he grew through his adolescence and it seems like tonight was another chosen night.

>>42672784
“What goes on here?” you ask.
>”Sombra-!” Chrysalis starts
>She is quickly interrupted by your difficult son, no longer a boy but not yet a man, screaming “I CAN TELL HIM MYSELF!” over her.
>Silence reigns for a few heartbeats as Sombra collects himself and turns to you.
>”I’m leaving.” He says
“Again?”
>He snarls “I’m ACTUALLY leaving this time.”
“You know, I’ve heard this story before…”
>You lean on the wall and cross your arms. You needed to handle Sombra a certain way; capitulating to him wouldn’t work and shouting at him was too far. He had to be a bit on edge yet still convinced he could salvage the situation for it to go how you needed it to go.
“Would you like to retell it? Or can we just skip straight to the end and enjoy our meal before it gets cold?”
>Sombra lowers his head to steam as he always does
>”What did you make?” Chrysalis asks
“Fried Gysahl greens.”
<Chrysalis sticks her tongue out and gags “I don’t think anyone can enjoy eating that, poppy…”
>Sombra collects himself. “Move, Anonymous. Before I make you.”
>Now Chrysalis lowers her head, sparks zipping from her horn as her temper flares over the threat to you, but you disarm her with a glance and step aside.
“There’s no need for anything like that, Sombra. You were raised better.”
>Sombra snorts out his nostrils and brushes past you. Chrysalis then runs up to your side.
>”Poppy, are you just going to let him go!?” she asks. For all her early bluster at wanting to be the sole apple of your eye, she was clearly at least somewhat concerned for the housemate she’d spent so long with.
>You reach down and pet the side of her head.
“Breathe easy, little bug.”

>>42672789
>You catch Sombra before he gets to the door.
“You know-“
>He pauses and looks over his shoulder at you.
“You’re already out here, and the food’s right over there. Sit down, let’s talk about this.”
>His eyes narrow “I do that and before I know it, I’m back in my room unpacking.”
>That wasn’t good, he was catching wise.
>Sombra faces the door, ”I have a destiny to fulfill, Anonymous. A grand and glorious destiny promised to me ages ago. I don’t know how you did it, but I haven’t heard the Umbra since I came here.”
>Red had seen to that, she said.
>”What I was promised is out there, and I will play house with you for not one moment longer.”
“You’re not ready.”
>As soon as the words come tumbling out of your mouth, you regret saying them, but you couldn’t pull them back, so you had to make due.

>>42672795
>You take a step towards Sombra.
“You think you’re ready, everyone around your age does. You all think that way, but you’re not. The world has things worse than you’ve prepared for in it and it won’t hesitate to swallow you up.”
>Sombra turns his head to you, offence radiating from his eyes on wisps of magic “You doubt-“
“Yes, I do.” You interrupt. “I doubt that you can live the life you want in the outside world because I don’t think you’re ready to do it. I know that’s the last thing a father should say to a child, but…”
>You glance over your own shoulder out the kitchen window, spotting a hint of the moon behind the clouds.
“Call it a hunch.”
>Sombra breaks his gaze from yours and kicks the door open, the rain has picked up outside into a steady torrential sheet washing over the graceful countryside. The bugs and birds have all taken shelter from the storm and Sombra simply looks out over it.
>”You’re wrong.” He says. “I have prepared every day of my life to hold a kingdom of my own, the outside world does not frighten me.”
>He floats his hood up over his head as he walks out the door. “And neither does leaving you!”
>You could have told him of all the dangers in the woods, how his time here was to try and weed out that isolation and anger he suffered from to make sure there was never another Luna, you were sure there were things you could have said to make him stay, but all you could do as a worried father was rush out the door after him.

>>42672800
>It takes barely a moment outside to get soaked to your bones tailing after Sombra, but he powers through it determined to get away from you.
“Sombra, you need to stop!”
>”It’s over, Anonymous!”
>Sombra pushes up the hill that sits in front of your house against the raging storm. “This little experiment of yours, whatever it is, is over for me!”
“It’s not-!”
>”Go back to your cottage! Back you’re your children and the honeyed words you feed them to keep them docile!”
“I do that so you stay SAFE, Sombra!”
>He pauses and looks back to you, his green eye standing out against the darkness. “Safe? SAFE!?”
>He stomps his hoof, bringing up jagged black rocks around the two of you from the depths of the earth. “What use is safety if we never lay eyes on the world beyond!? What are you protecting us from if you never allow us to reach!?”
“Yourselves!” you shout, holding your clothes to you tightly.
“You know there were children before you here! One of them fell to the same darkness I see in YOU and there are those still suffering for it! I know you want to prove yourself, but you don’t have to! Not to me!”
>”I do not-!”
“I know how hard you try to succeed but that’s not all there is to living! And if I must keep you here for longer just to make sure you don’t drag yourself and the ones who love you through Tartarus for YOUR hubris, then I’ll do it in a heartbeat!”
>A long silence passes between the two of you.
“I wasn’t smart enough back then to prevent a tragedy from befalling my family, so I’m trying again now. You’re staying, son. You’re not ready to go yet. Now stop this and come home.”
>Sombra snarls at you and stomps his hoof again, breaking one of the crystals behind him and walking through the gap. “Goodbye, Anonymous.”
>You lower your head, that was his last chance.
“I. Said. STOP.”

>>42672806
>Everything stops.
>You never raise your voice in your house, as talking to children was always better than screaming at them. Shouting just made kids block you out or ignore you, and it was all over once you scared them.
>So, over the years, you’d practiced and cultivated a way of speaking that let you get your point across without raising your voice.
>Sombra stands motionless, hoof off the ground and mouth agape.
“Is that the rain…or are you sweating?”
>”What…did you-“
“I told you to stop.”
>You trudge up through the wet grass to your wayward son, the rain went away so it was easier to move at least.
“And like a good child, you listened. I’m proud of you.”
>Sombra turns his gaze to you with a look you remember from when he was first getting to that age.
>For a pony like Sombra, who spends so much time reading and trying to understand the world around him, even if it was in his words “to know what he would rule”, little shook him.
>Save for things he just plain couldn’t understand, and those thinks shook him to his very core.
>Dark pinprick pupils shake as they look into your eyes. “Th-the rain…how did you-And-“
“Hush, now.”
>Sombra stops talking, letting you put your hand to the side of his face.
“To be clear, I always dislike talking like this. Most of the time I don’t have to but…you’re really stubborn!”

>>42672808
>You sigh.
“I told you, you’re not ready. You’re not ready to be out alone in the world and the world isn’t ready to deal with you alone in it, that’s part of why you’re still here. Now turn and march.”
>Sombra turns around in the dead silence of the night, clouds parting and the moon glistening off the shattered remains of his crystals before he crunches them underhoof.
“I know the world calls to you, son, and I can’t stop that call forever. That’s why I have to try extra hard with you to make sure that your stubbornness doesn’t win out before I HAVE to let you go.”
>Sombra walks back to the house, head low and teeth grinding as he tries to figure out exactly what’s happening to him, passing Chrysalis who smugly looks at him, already knowing.
>Father’s word was law.
“You’ll leave, Sombra, one day. When that day comes, I’ll feely let you go…”
>You walk past him and sit at the dinner table, looking him over in your living room.
“But you are not EXCUSED yet. So, please take a seat and let’s enjoy our dinner and tomorrow will be one day closer to the day you’re independent.”
>Sombra pulls a chair up to the table and sits across from you, seeming to see you for the first time while you think you truly see him for the first time.

>>42672818
It would be funny if he forgot to restart the rain until the next morning and the drops were just hanging there in the air all night.

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..Oh my god, It's Anonymous In Equestria!
>"..'OH MY GOD BLEH BLEH BLEH BLEH!"
>Mind your own business, ya scrotum!"

>>42673687
>”They can never know.”

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These horses are really silly

>>42675250
Skinny fat is more the appropriate anon bodytype

>>42677243
When I get there I'm telling them my malnourished autismal body build is the norm for attractive.
>Look how pale he is, i'm blinded by his handsomeness!
>Anon, teach ME to 'virgin walk'!

>>42669403
Anon is the embodiment of all the boards, that includes /fit/

>>42677833
If he embodied /fit/ he'd be doughy, fat, and more gay.

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>>42669403
>Anon without any smooth, cardiac, or skeletal muscles

>>42677662
What if Chad shows up?

>>42667505
The only good looking one imo. The rest is in the artstyle of what a 14 yo foid obcessed with cute things like rainbows and unicorns would stereotypically be depicted drawing or imagining

>>42678847
Blobnon in Equestria, cousin of Smooze

>>42679698
You seem really angry at the world

>>42680253
Probably has a trenchcost, just ignore

>>42680848
>a trenchcost
that's what we call an edgy jew

>>42680253
Where do you think we are

>>42672818
Nice and pleasant story.

>>42636264
Dude, 26 years ago I was in your place. Word for word. I now have friends and people who accept me. Maybe I could've found that sooner had I figured some things out, I'm not sure. Don't throw in the towel. Society at large is objectively sick and anti-human as is, not fitting into it is a badge of honor.

>>42684396
What are you, fucking 50?

>>42684676
>What are you, fucking 50?
LMAO I'm 32.

>>42684738
Too young, get on my level. You don’t belong here unless your knees click.

>>42685156
I'm 19 and my left knee cllicks

>>42685187
I'm 24 and my left TMJ has been clicking for years. Is it over for us?

>>42685187
Holy shit you’re gonna die young

>>42685230
It never even began

>>42684305
I keep clicking but nothing happens.

>>42682176
A fun place for silly anons

>>42685187
RIP in pasta, anon

>>42689188
No, no fun allowed in AiE, only angst and self inserts and ennui.