>Mr. Anonymous do you th-think maybe I could join you and your friends for Hearthswarming? I heard you were going to have games and sing songs with all your friends and have a big dinner. With all sorts of delicious food…and turkeys. Succulent, juicy turkeys with all the trimmings and side dishes. Please? For the love Celestia and all thats good in Equestria, can you find it in your heart…?
>>42898116Sure! *pat pat* Come on into the warm.
Yeah sure I can't think of anything that would make me and my friends more comfortable than allowing some dirty beggar into my home.
>>42898116If you agree to eat nothing but beans and cabbage i'll let you join.
>>42898116https://files.catbox.moe/i8ygg2.mp3
>>42898116Mmm okay but you have to eat the eggs.
>>42898121fpbp
>>42898116I don't have friends and Hearthswarming is a STUPID holiday. Bah Humbug.
>>42898116ye sure, but you will have to take a bath first
>>42898116Why does she love turkeys so much?
>>42898116Yes but you're bathing first.
>>42898126Letting the days go byWater flowing underground
>>42898283>t. Has never been hungry
>>42898304>anon goes without food for 6 hrs>confuses peckish with hungerFirst world thinking. I'll try to explain. Dude if you get "hungry" you'll know. You can't even be distracted with thoughts other than food. True hunger would drive you to eat. You'd be unable to post online about how food is unimportant.
>>42898116Yes but you have to let me bathe you first
>>42898116NO! No you may NOT. I HATE ALL WOMEN AND MARES. I have lived here for FORTY YEARS. I have accumulated a highly MALE outflow of followers and social influences and you DARE to try and have FUN with ME? FUN? I SHIT ON YOUR FUN WITH THE DIRT FROM THE BUTT OF MY ASS. I swear to God I will Beat you off, not in a sexual way, but in an I am fucking furious way. I will take out my rage and ichor of furious semenical manliness will ooze out of me, non sexually, as I go full gorilla Samson mode on your DISGUSTING FEMALE FORM. IF YOU HAVE A VAGINA YOURE NOT WELCOME IN MY HOME AND LIFE. only MEN. BEAUTIFUL MEN. non sexual. Get the fuck off my lawn you fucking nasty dirt mare.
>>42898422>*zaps you with a beam that forces you to have sex with an unmarried mare*
>>42898261I think horses just have a primordial instinct to devour birds. Realistically a horse could pounce on a turkey and devour it without a second glance.
>>42898426NGGNGGGGGUUUUHHHHOOOAAAHHOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!>*EVERY MUSCLE in my beautiful male form begins to flex at once, sweat and semen leaking out of my pores, my teeth gritted, I create a stink which smells like the inside of a chipotle as I tremor all over.* >*Blood begins to leak from my gums, the fury of my awesome teeth (masculine) bringing such power If it were normal circumcisions, they would shatter. But they do not and I lose no foreskin.* NNNNHGFHHHH! NnOPOuhhhooooohhhuuhouwouuggh... >*BREATH* No!>*I begin to levitate*NNNMMNNNNNM LEEVVITTAAAAATEEE>*glowing in a deep, anus pink glow, various mares begin to collect around me, forming confused living rings around me, flailing their useless w-men limbs.*>"Heya-hey! Lemme outta this crazy thing!" Hollers carrot top, who slowly begins to morph into a likeness of carrot top. W-men should only speak out of man spaces. MY NMMMMMHHHHHHH MMMOOOOOOUUHH>*Breathe in, shakily, non sexual.* ZA.....WARUDO! >*In one instant, a blast of platonic light, anal in tone, erupts from my body into all directions across space and time. Breaking apart the saturnine rings of living mares and carrot top from my glorious form, zipping about in all directions at break neck speed. Whatever does not get leveled in the nuclear Holocaust of man-light, gets destroyes by the projectile m-res* Ouhngha bounga boom..boo...>There is a large crater filled with puddle of sweat and non sexual jizz aligning it. My jing begins to taper down, I slowly reach to the sunken earth and manly waters.* I warned you...never do that......cadence....>*Cadence gasps and coughs, her body half way out of the water, covered in papajohns garlic sauce every inch of her pink form. Non sexual. Patches of fur obliterated from her form, from the nuclear light of manhood. Also nonsexual*>"How...." *She croaks* "how?!?!" >"How can you resist my jing depletion beam!" >*I leave* Men.....beautiful men........Men...Men..MenMan men men men man men boys men men men. I need MEN! Nonsexual >*I am gone*
>>42898480>*deflects your attack*>*grabs you and forces your penis into a mare.*
>>42898116Oh course
>>42898422>DIRT FROM THE BUTT OF MY ASS.Kek
>>4289839824 hrs it's still nothing like starvation.
>>42898480Anon: 1 x Cadence: 0Take my (You)
>>42898116>just the mare I was looking for. you know my chimneys pretty sooty and I want to light that baby up tomorrow for my sweet hearthswarming party. so...>oh no you wont be at the party, its more of a private thing in my family. I'll just be having the elements of harmony, and twilight is bringing spike...>and cadance and shining armor>...>ok, ok look. if you come by on boxing day you can have your pick of the left overs, im sure we'll have some sprouts and turnip fries left.
>>42898116>do you th-think maybe I could join you and your friends for Hearthswarming?I think perhaps you've been misled- I have no friends and I don't celebrate. Ever.>I heard you were going to have games No?>and sing songsGod, no.>and have a big dinner. With all sorts of delicious food…and turkeys. Succulent, juicy turkeys with all the trimmings and side dishes.If I were having a big dinner- which, to be clear, I'm not- I certainly wouldn't have turkey. Awful stuff- a colossal pain to cook, and no matter what you do it always comes out dry, and tasteless, and>Please? For the love Celestia and all thats good in Equestria,So, for the love of Celestia and nothing?>can you find it in your heart…?Nope- don't have one of those, either.
>>42898116>Mr. Anonymous do you th-think maybe I could join you and your friends for Hearthswarming?Yes!>For the love Celestia and all thats good in Equestria, can you find it in your heart…?Also yes! Mares deserve love, even the dirty ones
Shes going to stay at your house forever if you invite her in
>>42898426>cadence gives you a smug look after saying she'll split the half and half pizza with you>she takes the entire pepperoni halfstupid bitch
>>42898480>diapers in fog
>>42898116>posted it again award
>>42898422>IF YOU HAVE A VAGINA YOURE NOT WELCOME IN MY HOME AND LIFE.>only MEN.>BEAUTIFUL MEN.Nick...
>>42899351She’s a batpony?
>>42898116>rape
>>42898116Why is her snout dirty?
>>42900083It's actually clean. That's all other parts of her that are dirty.
>>42900170Oh...what's that blue stuff then?
>>42900083She cleans chimneys
>>42898116>I heard you were going to have games and sing songs with all your friends and have a big dinnerWho the fuck lied to you? One: no friends. Two: working class, so is more of a relatively moderate meal. And 3: songs? In my block? The damn neighbours would complain I'm making noice.>Succulent, juicy turkeys with all the trimmings and side dishes.I wish you talked about my penis that way. Moving on, I only bought like a leg, and that cost me a lot.>Please? For the love Celestia and all thats good in Equestria, can you find it in your heart?Sure, I guess. I thought ponies did public meals, but I guess they don't. You are welcome in my house. You can have the leg.
>>42900470Blue tac
>>42898116I only have chicken. But sure, hop in.>>42899351All year? Or would she only reappear in my favorite chair with a chicken leg in her hoof every winter solstice? My answer wouldn't change, just curious.
>>42902533
>>42902958after seeing this I am complete.
>>42902958and then nothing bad happened.
>>42898116Sooty Sweeps isn't homeless, she's just dirty from her day job cleaning chimneys
>>42898116Is there a worse cutie mark in the show than this? Poor thing was probably cleaning chimneys as a filly just to survive. Then, in a cruel twist of fate, she turns out to be good at it, good enough that it becomes her cutie mark. I cannot even imagine the horror she felt when she looked at her flank and first saw it, realizing her "destiny" is to do this dirty, dangerous, lung-wrecking, and completely thankless job for the rest of her life. I want nothing more than to clean this mare and give her a good life. I would devote my time to recreating one of those tools that cleans chimneys from the outside so she can still do what she is destined to do, but without having to wreck her health.
>>42899661>You invite her in, she treats it like a first date.>"Congratulations, anon! I'm your marefriend now. Would you be a dear and fetch your newly wedded wife a turkey sandwich?"
>>42903697>le Equestria is actually horrible!! Magical ponyland lives in identical squalor as did early industrialised Britain!
>>42903697To be fair she appears in a Christmas Carol parody, which takes place in Victorian Era Great Britain, not an era particularly known for worker's safety and rights or human treatment in general.
>>42898116you are my wife now
She cleans up nicely.
>>42903795Twinkleshine is so kind!
>>42905105Perfection.
>>42898116Whoever told you I had friends, a turkey, or games is a filthy liar. But if you need a warm place come on in. There's plenty of room to lie down in here ever since I removed the passenger seat.Also I hate you all and hope you had a horrible Christmas like me.
>>42898121>>42902958>>42903139>>42903603>>42903795
>>42899351oh no how horrible
>>42898634>no matter what you do it always comes out dry, and tastelessSeason the inside and underneath the skin, then season outside but add baking powder. Wrap in bacon up to 135F, remove bacon to brown.
>>42898116All of the turkey is mine and you can't have anything. Such is life.
>>42903603But how many people in Equestria use coal or wood chimneys on a regular basis? They use steam locomotives that travel long distances without coal tenders, so this likely means that natural gas or propane is a thing there.
>>42907905>But how many people in Equestria use coal or wood chimneys on a regular basis?The treebrary and the pie family house have fireplaces. The crystal playset castle and the friendship school have one as well but we don't talk about those.Some houses in Ponyville have chimneys. Cranky's is the most notable. I think most of the houses in Starlight's commie village had chimneys. I'd say they're fairly common.
>>42907964Oh, and Fluttershy has one too.
>>42907977I wonder if any birds or rodents have jumped into her fire out of typical animalistic retardation
>>42907977Never noticed the bag of mice feed on the left until now.
>>42907964They can have fireplaces, but it doesn’t mean they run on coal or wood.
>>42908782They run on magic crack
>>42908782
>>42908782Fluttershy is shown shoveling coal as a train conductor in S2 are you people fucking high?
>>42908818He's just having a Hank Hill moment.
>>42907964>The crystal playset castleBut is the merch canon?
