>Hey buddy you didn’t hear this from me but here goes: Applejack totally has a crush on you. Yep thats right good ol’ honest, stoic Applejack won’t say it outright but shes into you. In fact if you were to rush over to Sweet Apple Acres, pick her up and give her a passionate smooch on the lips right now, she would ask you to marry her tomorrow. You can trust me, were friends after all and I would never lead you astray. I just want you both to be happy.
>>42941942Thanks, Rainbow Dash.
>>42941942>Applejack totally has a crush on you.Bullshit.
>>42941942>The next thing you see when you wake up is Rainbow crying over your bed in the hospital with a giant hoof shaped mark over your swollen black eye. >She sobs out an apology trying to justify her prank by saying she read in one of Rarity's magazines that after a shocking rejection a stallion is more susceptible to a mare who is there for him afterward>She just wanted to swoop in like a mare in shining armor and get closer to (you)
>>42941942>turns out it's a prank
>>42942005Would she really be that concerned about you getting bucked in the face?
>>42941942I'm not interested in your hick friend, can I cum inside you instead?
>>42942012Idk, does she hate you or something?
>>42942016We've seen ponies not worry that much about physical injuries.
>>42941942>after getting beaten up Applejack apologizes and comforts you>”Well I dunno why in tarnation you would listen to such a tall tale from Rainbow.”
>>42942738"Its okay, AJ.""Am I at least, a good kisser?">"You could use some practice. Tell ya what, why don't I make it up to ya by teaching ya how?"
>>42941942>Applejack totally has a crush on yo-
>>42941942"Hey Applejack Rainbow said you had a crush on me. Wanna go on a date?""No?""Oh, okay..."
>>42941942>"Oh, you saw?"...>"Yeah...it's her foreleg..."...>"Help. I can't breathe...">Was his last words, futilely trying to overcome the earth pony strength around his neck.
>>42942010>>turns outI admire your self-confidence in thinking it could be anything but
>>42941942That's strange, this is the same thing that Applejack just told me about you.>pick up Rainbow and kiss her instead
>>42943398
>>42942005>>42942738>>42942838I think the more likely course of action is Applejack beating up Rainbow Dash after she turns you down for playing with your feelings like that.And nopony ever sees Anon again because he either killed himself or skipped town out of despair, and everyone cuts ties with RD for putting him in that situation in the first place.
>>42943431>you pranked me? well i'm gonna kill myself, that'll show you!This is an example of an anon who is going to need to have a long, long therapy session with Celestia before he's allowed to interact with Equestria proper.
>>42943431It's funny to think how it's real easy for Dashie to canonically do something like this, she just hasn't yet
>>42942031Ponies are sturdy, humans are not.
>>42943959It has nothing to do with ponies specifically, their world is just full of magic that makes all injuries comical and easy to recover from.
>>42942838Applejack wouldn't say that.
>>42943962Right, and Anon too is magical, yeah?
>>42942016>if someone doesn't cry over you getting hit, they must hate youThis is such an extremely autistic belief to hold
>>42944010If you're able to exist in a world that fundamentally runs on magic then you probably have become magical, yeah. I do enjoy the occasional story that suggests humans wouldn't be magical but that's not the common interpretation.
>>42943962RD's wing bone fracture was not comical, and yet it completely healed in a week. It is x10 regeneration rate compared to humans. Not quite superpower-level, but 1000% is no joke.
>>42944019At this point are you even human? You're just human-shaped alien a-la Time Lord from DW.
>>42944028Well yeah, that's an interesting question to ask. We don't know how their world works, it likely operates on inherently different physics than ours so could you even exist there or would you just die immediately?
>>42944024Twilight was put in a wheelchair and had anvils and pianos dropped on her and within the same day, she was running from a hydra like nothing happened. Injuries just seem to be plot dependent.
>>42944325Yes but Twilight at the time had an impure soul so she was sustained for a longer priod of time such that she could suffer more injuries and be subject to more painRainbow Dash had a true and honest heart so she got to rest and pick up a new hobbyEasy
>>42941942Well that sucks for AJ, because I don't have a think for workaholic farmgirls.
>>42944461>don't have a think for workaholic farmgirlsDon't worry, workaholic farm mares ain't thinkin' either. You'll get along great.
>>42941942>"Shame. I wanted you.">*I kiss her* >"Go get her for me.">*smirk*
>>42944471 hereforgot to mention im a black trans woman
>>42944471you're so fucking autistic i hate you
>>42944471I bet you felt so fucking cool when you imagined that in your head, you fat autistic sperg.
>>42941942obviously a changeling, Dashie doesn't know words like "stoic" and "astray"
>>42944024>>42944325Apparently ponies are like the regenerators from Resident Evil. Guess Kerfuffle was just unlucky not being able to regrow that leg.
>>42945280Shes not stupid.
>>42945299As long as the bits are still mostly intact they can fix themselves, but if your eye gets slashed or your wing gets torn off you're not getting it back.
>>42945657wrong
But she's going to make me do stuff
>>42945702What kinda stuff?
>>42945705Like OK realistically I get bucked and folded in half. I'm not a farmer guy. But let's say it works out that's 10 hours of manual labour a day. And a lot of apple stuff. I mean I love apples but I don't know if it could be my whole thing. And u know what probably some butt stuff or something scary. Applejack's nice but she's pretty scary. She'd be honest about it too so U can't just sideline it. Jesus. I don't have sufficient warrior spirit to keep up with that
>>42945299It's just quicker, that's it. What humans can't regenerate ponies can't, too.
>>42945710AJ also grow corn, carrots, and other vegetables
>>42945722>>42945710Yea they have a whole garden. There's lots of stuff there not related to apples, including chores. Applejack would probably want you chopping wood or putting up fences more than she'd have you picking apples. Plus, you'll still have free time. AJ has some free time, and with you around helping with chores, it may not be too bad of a work life.
>>42945722Yea and she'd break my wrist for eating a sellin crop
>>42945732They sell apples. I'm pretty sure the rest of the garden is for their own consumption.
>>4294573099% of Applejacks screen time is something related to her farm. She has as much free time an asian sweat shop slave.
>>42942005>like a mare in shining armorlike futa cadence?
>>42945749She has more free time than Rarity does. The only non work things she does is going to the spa.
>>42945657But she's not very eloquent.
